Comments | oceansex: [fic post] French Fries

oceansex

[fic post] French Fries

Jul 06, 2009 08:12

Title: French Fries
Rating: G
Genre: Romance/Fluff
Pairings or Characters: Doumeki/Watanuki
Warnings: none
Word Count: 304
Summary: Doumeki is being frustrating and Watanuki is, one-hundred percent, not in denial. Honest.
Author Notes: I seem to love torturing myself. I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO DO RIGHT NOW but all I'm doing is pumping out xxxHOLiC ( Read more... )

xxxholic, !fic, pairing -- doumeki/watanuki, rating -- [g]

Comments 32

anyjen July 6 2009, 20:36:50 UTC

Oh, Watanuki... *shakes head sadly*

oceansex July 6 2009, 23:55:54 UTC

/pats you comfortingly

he'll come around. eventually. er, maybe.

aibari July 6 2009, 22:46:14 UTC

AAAH DOUMEKI.

"Watanuki let the french fry fall from his fingertips as his jaw hung open and he stared blankly into the face of the young man who had just confessed to him."
This line feels kind of awkward; it'd probably flow better if you broke it up a bit or something.

"Doumeki picked up the fry he had dropped and poked his face with it."
lololol. In context, this is the best line ever, because it's just so incredibly matter-of-fact in comparison to the previous one, and I can just see how this would look if it were a comic. AND IT'S PRICELESS.

Of course Watanuki flounces off in the end. :D (Flounce, Watanuki! Flounce!)

I love this, and I love it hard. \o/

oceansex July 7 2009, 00:08:24 UTC

OH GOD YES IT ISN'T JUST ME. XDDDDD dude, that line bothers me so damn much. I think I need another comma and should drop the 'and he' and change 'stared' to 'staring'. I might go back and edit it later, but yeah. I totally know what you're talking about. XD

and the french fry poke. I must admit, I'm very proud of that line. and imagining it in comic form is SO DAMN EASY. I love it. oh Doumeki, why so ADORABLE?

thanks for the feedback and glad you like bb! 8D <3

aibari July 7 2009, 15:25:00 UTC

Sounds like a plan. :) I think the problem is that you're trying to pack too many actions into one sentence. (RUN-ONS ARE BAD FOR YOU.)

IT'S PERFECT. (The men of the Doumeki-family aren't born, they're made. OF PURE AWESOME.)

oceansex July 10 2009, 01:32:54 UTC

FIXED. (I should know better. AND YET I DON'T orz)

TRUFAX DESHOU.

sapphirestar_ July 6 2009, 22:54:49 UTC

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, this is wonderful ♥! and. DOUMEKI. POKING WATANUKI IN THE FACE WITH A FRENCH FRY ASD;LKALFJDLFK.

if that is not the most doumeki thing to do in the history of doumeki things, well, i don't know what is. because in context, asd;lfjsl it's just perfect.

and watababy is adorably flaily, as he alwaysalways should be, and his denial was particularly delicious. :D

THIS IS SO LOVELY~ :D

oceansex July 7 2009, 00:09:45 UTC

thank you so much! this is my first time writing any xxxHOLiC fic, so I'm glad I could get them both in character. XD <3

bundamba July 8 2009, 08:55:51 UTC

that's awesome, thanks for sharing. This fandom so needs more LOVE<3

oceansex July 10 2009, 01:33:33 UTC

you're welcome! and it most certainly does!

xploded_tb July 10 2009, 08:50:09 UTC

oceansex July 10 2009, 09:03:59 UTC

that icon is win 8Db

xploded_tb July 10 2009, 09:05:56 UTC

Your douwata fic icon is...hot. 8D

But that was cute! I really liked the poking part. XD Sounds like what a girl would do, except Doumeki is...not a girl.

oceansex July 10 2009, 09:07:58 UTC

why thank you ;D

glad you enjoyed! any opportunity for Doumeki to annoy Watanuki will be jumped upon with no hesitation, lol

Thread 6