Comments | oceansex: [fic post] Downpour

oceansex

[fic post] Downpour

Feb 17, 2009 02:35

Title: Downpour
Rating: G
Genre: General/Romance
Pairings or Characters: Mori/Haruhi
Warnings: none
Word Count: 831
Summary: It's about time Haruhi outgrew her phobia. This is the last storm she'll fear.
Author Notes: I don't really see how this fits with the theme this week over at ouran_contest, but I needed to write some MoriHaru or I was going to explode, ( Read more... )

ouran, pairing -- mori/haruhi, !fic, rating -- [g], contest entry

Comments 17

wavings February 18 2009, 02:01:27 UTC

I like this pairing, very cute :)

oceansex February 18 2009, 02:13:38 UTC

I love them so much. x) thank you! ^_^

ceirwy February 19 2009, 01:40:50 UTC

You have such a gorgeous writing style. It really brought forth all the emotions and tension. I'll admit it made me a little weak in the knees.

oceansex February 19 2009, 21:20:50 UTC

waaah, you're comment has made my week. @_@ seriously, you're making me blush. XD I'm very, very happy you enjoyed it, though. <3

treeflamingo February 22 2009, 01:51:15 UTC

Geh! So cute. MorixHaruhi is certainly a pairing that lends itself to the most fluffable of fluff. I feel like I want to cuddle this fic.

I have one small narrational concern, which I humbly offer for your consideration - when Mori startles Haruhi while she is washing the dishes and tells her to relax, we haven't really seen any evidence that she's nervous or stressed; at least, nothing beyond the adorable sexual tension she's got going on with Mori (can sexual tension be adorable? Apparently.). It's perfectly logical that she would be nervous, and perfectly Haruhi that she wouldn't show it in any large manner, but the impact of Mori whispering "relax" would be better served, I think, if we had a touch more narration showing us what Mori sees - what little things she does to betray her nervousness.

oceansex February 22 2009, 03:28:13 UTC

they just feed the fluff plot bunnies so well. XD

as always, you bring up a good point. I debated adding some mori perspective before posting this up, but decided against it in the end because initially I wasn't too fond of this and thought adding more would just make it worse/confusing/too long/etc.. in retrospect, the line where he says "relax" really was more of a throwaway line than anything when I wrote it -- I just wanted to point out that haruhi was really nervous, and hint that it was because of her guest and not just the weather. but now that you've brought it to my focus, and while I agree that haruhi isn't really the type to do much to betray that she's nervous in front of others, I'd like to think that it's just mori being his extremely perceptive self around her again.

treeflamingo February 23 2009, 17:06:41 UTC

Mmmm, that's the most delicious thing about Mori (besides his muscleyness, I mean), is how quietly perceptive he is. I think, if you decided to do so, you could add those subtle details of Haruhi's nervousness without having to switch to Mori's perspective. That could actually make Mori's "relax" even more powerful, now that I think about it, if we don't realize until moment at the sink that Mori sees and understands the eensy nervous tics we thought only we the readers were privy to. ...oh gosh, just imagining this scene again makes me want to hug my teddy. *sigh*