RP LOG with gr8muppetyodin | Paying the price
[Follows THIS and THIS]
Blaise was holding himself up on the door jamb between his bedroom and his en suite bathroom. His eyes were closed and he rested his head against the cool iron frame of the door, trying to somehow draw on any lingering strength he had remaining in him. "Mon cherie... I'll summon Mademoiselle Rousseau for you," Jaquelynne, his assistant and personal friend, murmured, the concern evident in her helpless tone. She was standing behind him, her hand resting on his back in case he needed any help. It looked like he needed a lot of help, but he wasn't relinquishing to that yet.
"Non. Do not. I forbid you," Blaise said sharply, opening his eyes to lock her with a warning glare. But it lost its intensity as soon as it appeared and he moved sluggishly into the bathroom. "I do not what her in my presence." It indicated just how much of a rift had formed between the two mates in the wake of the events earlier in the day. But now, they just all felt like a lifetime ago to Blaise now the frenzy had diluted. He needed to feed to regain some strength, but he was too weak to face it yet. First, he had to try and rid his body of that tainted blood. It was too late to purge of it all, but he could try. Purging wasn't something he was foreign to. Vampires couldn't digest anything but blood, so when a Kindred ate food for the purpose of The Masquerade, they inevitably had to purge themselves of it at some juncture. It wasn't forgotten how ill he had felt trying to feed on Buffy's blood, but this was worse. Blaise felt just plain sick, and he hadn't felt like that in a very long time. In fact, it was likely during his Childer days, when he was still bouncing around like an excited puppy, biting into anything he could get his fangs into as he found his Kindred feet. All those years ago in his youth, he had been quite the player; exciteable, loving the company of ladies, and enjoying anything that could get his heart racing. Literally centuries later, his human self was but a distant memory. Risk was something he rarely flirted with unless he knew what he was dealing with.
He was struggling to understand how blindsided he had been that evening. What had caused him to not sense her disease? Normally, it was something immediately evident to Kindred senses, and they avoided diseased blood intently. For this very reason. It weakened them. Made them ill. With Blaise already suffering from from the weakness that came with the deep yearning for love, this had him incapacitated, and it was a fact that couldn't be made public. Like this, he would be extremely easy to assassinate. He made it over to the toilet, predominantly an unused convenience considering the obvious, and he started to purge his body of the blood he had just accepted. The thick, red liquid splashed garishly against the white porcelain, and by the time it was over, he was sitting slumped against the wall beside the toilet, exhausted.
He lost track of how long he sat there, and didn't even notice when his assistant had disappeared from the doorway where she had been watching him like a hawk. He pulled himself up to get to the sink, washing the blood from his lips and throat, and then came back into his bedroom, wiping his hands slowly and lethargically on the expensive handtowel be brought with him. He never expected Jaquelynne to be standing there with Buffy beside her, and he just looked at them both blankly for a few moments, his eyes no longer silver but a dull blue, trying to process it.
Buffy hadn't followed Blaise at first. As much as her instinct had been to follow him after seeing him collapse, she first made sure that the ambulance did come for the girl. And then she'd made her way to Blaise's mansion, all the time wondering what she was supposed to be feeling. Her job description meant she should have been stopping him from doing things like feeding on anyone. But he was Kindred. He wasn't like any vampire she had known and she knew for a fact there was no substitute. Kindred needed human blood. She also knew that Blaise wouldn't have survived this long if The Masquerade didn't work. There weren't piles of bodies, there weren't even any notions of Kindred trying to take over the world, or destroy humanity. They needed each other. It was a survival thing. Kindred couldn't live if there weren't people around.
And that was something that Buffy could understand. As much as Riley had said that Blaise was the ultimate Big Bad, he was also still... Blaise. And if his reaction to the feeding was anything to go by, Blaise just needed someone to look after him right now. She tried not to feel awkward as she stood next to his assistant and gave Blaise a small smile. Truth was she'd been waiting for an explosion about her following him, but there was nothing. Which made her think that something else was wrong. She stepped forward without waiting for an invite and took the cloth out of Blaise's hands as she folded it over to a non-blood smeared section and started to wipe at his brow. "We really need to stop meeting like this."
Blaise could still taste the blood in his throat, and he tried clearing it, but that just didn't work. Neither did swallowing. It was just there, haunting him and reminding him that somewhere along the liine, he had somehow monumentally fucked up. He was still trying to absorb the fact that Buffy was there. Hadn't she been back at the facility? Yes, she had. With Riley Finn. They had both been there, he was sure of it. It was all just a haze now, though. A little like a hangover, he was told by newly turned Kindred, but he couldn't really remember distinctly what a hangover felt like, and alcohol in his day was very different to the artificial crap being churned out in this day and age. He would just have to take their word for it. Only, he was sure this was less like a hangover and more like being way too intoxicated for one's good. "What are you doing here?" he asked her flatly, and then gave a dismissive wave of his hand at Jaquelynne, so she would know he would be okay if she left. Even then, he knew she would stay close. Not many of his staff had come to trust Buffy just yet.
"Playing nurse like I said I would. Like I wanted to when I first came here," Buffy murmured as she looked up at him. The fact that his eyes weren't silver was a good as far as she was concerned, but the way his blue eyes were dull was bad. Even Buffy knew that much. She pushed him back towards the bed and bit down on her lip softly. She wasn't sure that telling Blaise that she'd stalked him would go down so well, so she was sticking to the truth as much as she could. "Riley asked me if I'd ever gone to you just because. Well, this is it. This is me coming to you just because. I want to be here, Blaise. I want to be with you. I'm here for whatever you need. Even if it's just someone to hold a facecloth." She helped him lie down before sitting on the side of the bed next to him and brushing her fingers through his dark hair. "What happened?"
It was times like this, Blaise wished he could resort to a breath mint or something. His throat was almost burning from what he had just been through. But he might be ill and feeling like he had just been given parts of a puzzle that he had to try and work out what the image was. Hell, it even took him a few moments to realise he was lying down, and not upright anymore. "How did you know something happened?" he finally asked her when the pieces just refused to fit together. "You have not come merely because. How did you know?" There was no shock over him being ill, no questioning of why he even looked as bad as he did. No nothing. Was she even capable of emotions? Only one thing would make sense. "You followed me."
Buffy sighed as her shoulders slumped. "I warned you I was never good at lying. I saw you leaving, and I had to follow. Not because I was hunting! I wasn't. I was just... I needed to understand, okay? I needed to see the world through your eyes because mine are apparently defective. You telling me what you are, Riley telling me what you are... It doesn't actually show me. I needed to see." She ran her tongue over her lips lightly as she fell quiet and watched him before her eyebrows drew together in concern and she ran her fingers down the side of his face. "And now I get it, but I also saw what happened when you fed on that girl and I want to know what's wrong. Why are you sick from her blood?"
Blaise was pissed off that she had followed him. Of course he was. Even more so that he had offered to show her his world, but when she just kept comparing it to others, he gave up and got frustrated. If there was continuous comparison, as far as he was concerned, she did not really want to see his world. But he was too weakened to even maintain the anger. He started to cough again when the blood seemed relentless in his throat. He took the towel off her so he could cover his lips with it, his body still trying to reject it. He got himself into a semi-sitting position, but was mostly just slumped against the mound of pillows. "I am not exactly sure what you believe you 'get', Buffy. Please, enlighten me," he said hoarsely, avoiding her question for the moment.
Buffy pulled away to give him some space as he coughed, not even sure if a Kindred would keep a bucket around for possible episodes of nausea. She tucked her hands in her lap and glanced down briefly. "I can't love you without loving every part of you. The man, the Kindred. The humanity, the... animal. I need to love you when you're out there feeding just as much as I love you when you're just sitting in your office wearing those tight jeans. And I need to be able to love you when you're looking at me like I might just be the only woman in the world as much as when you're biting someone like Riley. I will never able to sustain you, and I get that. Just like I know you can't just feed from Juliette. Just like I know you've been feeding from Riley for months. But I will be the only one to truly love you, to give everything to you. To give you one thing you need that no one else can."
"You see me feed, and this suddenly all dawns on you?" Blaise was really trying to follow here, he probably just needed to be dragged through it all at a monotonous pace so his mind could keep up. He rested his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes for a few moments, the white towel covered in streaks of blood still clutched loosely in his hand. "So, you have the knowledge, and you have the directions. That does not mean you will still be capable of it, Buffy. Claiming you, it has brought me nothing but turmoil. I am too weak to fight that anymore. I do not want anymore pain."
"I don't want to give you pain!" Buffy exploded in a quiet hiss so she didn't raise her voice. "Why can't you understand that? Look, maybe I have just been blundering around as a dumb blonde, but that doesn't mean I haven't been taking things in. It's just taken longer than usual to process them. I've had to make mistakes, I've fucked up. It's what part of being human is. I'm not perfect, and I'm not going to claim to be. I'm working on getting rid of the Slayerettes, and I'm ready to love you." She ducked her head as her voice cracked on the last word and she felt the tears well in her eyes. "Don't give up on me just yet, Blaise. Please. I'm not a mistake."
"It is not about anyone's wants, Buffy. It is about plain fact," Blaise returned. He didn't even know if he had the capability to snap back. "I do not even know what to say to you anymore. Every time I try, I hit a brick a wall. You throw something else back in my face that makes me feel like you have not heard a single thing I have said. I am still in my mind stuck on your profession of disgust for feeding on Riley. I am not saying it has been a mistake. Merely an error in judgment. That seems to be happening to me a lot lately. I am not well as I should be. I am so tired. I feel old and alone. More alone than I have in a time I cannot remember."
Buffy sucked in a breath before she kicked off her shoes and moved so that she could lie behind Blaise and slip her arm over his waist as she pressed a kiss to the back of his shirt. "Because I was confused. Seeing you feed on Riley... I... I know it's not the same thing, but I slept with him, and you're feeding from him and it was just a strange connection my mind wasn't ready for. He told me about you feeding on him for longer than I've known you. Well before I met you. It's like a friendship with benefits, right? He lets you feed from him. It's just part of the friendship. Blaise, I'm not... I am listening. And you're not alone."
"Non, not like friends with benefits because it is not sex," Blaise replied, but this time he wasn't getting angry about it. He was just stating a point. "I know on the face of it that it might seem like I had feeding prospects on tap, but finding pure, fresh blood of a human with my refined taste is difficult. Of humans who know of Kindred and that I do not have to steal from them to be sustained. What Riley gives me is what I need on a regular basis, but I do not have to feel like an animal or a predator to gain. He gives me something few others are able to."
Buffy cleared her throat quietly. "I know that, but it is still a friendship with benefits. Just not sexual ones. I was actually using the word for its intended purpose. Not as a code. If Riley can give you something like that... Then it's a good thing. If he swung that way, would you love him?"
"I do not swing that way," Blaise told her without hesitation. "Kindred are... I guess what you would call suprasexual. We can feed off any sex, and gain passion from any sex. But love... I have purely female persuasian. Again, I guess that is something difficult to understand. Very much like human sexuality, just actual intercourse does not tend to be the deciding factor. And oui, if you are wondering, I have had intercourse with men in the past. Just not your Sergeant Finn, I promise you."
Buffy smiled a little. "He did seem to be adamant in it not being a sex thing, and didn't exactly like it so much when I indulged in a brief fantasy of you two. So, supreme sexiness, is there anything that I can do to make you feel better?"
"Sergeant Finn's feelings are focused elsewhere. Defensiveness is inevitable." Pain was starting to make itself known, creeping through him tauntingly. He was just going to have to deal with it until he could tolerate feeding again. He wiped at his mouth again, even if it was just a paranoia. Ironically for a vampire, he didn't like being messy any longer than he needed to be. "Non, there is not. The blood was tainted. Diseased. It is not dissimilar to a human eating contaminated food. We absorb it and it weakens us. It sours within us. Incapacitates us. I just unfortunately forgot how horrible it feels, yet lately I am not foreign to feeling ill."
Buffy rubbed her hand against his stomach as she kissed his back through his shirt again, and closed her eyes briefly. It was still strange to be in bed with a vampire and not feel stone cold skin. She did like though, a lot. There wasn't any feeling that it was wrong. Just that she hadn't yet convinced him that she was genuine. Buffy moved after a moment to pull herself up enough to look at Blaise's face, her fingers combing through his hair soothingly. "Does it take long to wear off? You have to... purge, right? See, I listen. Is there not more purging you can do?"
Blaise gave a slight shake of his head, though he was still watching her closely when he could. He got nervous their conversations would always explode and turn bad again. "I have to feed on fresh blood to give me more strength. Ironically, I am too weak to try yet. Too weak to continue trying to purge. I just need to wait, for the moment." He swallowed and swept his tongue briefly over his lips. "It is just no better returning than it is going down. A fact I hear humans complaining of frequently," he joked. "Usually after too much alcohol."
Buffy scrunched up her face as she moaned just at the memory of her last hangover. Although it was more Rory that had been affected than her. She'd escaped without throwing up, but she hadn't escaped without paying for the alcoholic bender. And the mistake of sleeping with Rory, even if she thought she would have never regretted it. Just the idea of alcohol had her stomach churning though and she rest her chin on Blaise's shoulder as she just tried to move past the sudden nausea. "Trust me, you're better getting that feeling every hundred years or so, not as often as humans suffer it. I'll wait with you."
Blaise closed his eyes for a few moments, focusing on the pain in hopes it would help fight it a little easier. He knew he should change from the suit, but all he got as far as was removing his jacket before it became too uncomfortable to try. Jaquelynne had attempted to help him with it, and all she got in return was a string of exhausted, yet pointed expletives. "Small talk, Buffy... I know what you saw. I still do not know how I feel about you following me and tracking me like that, but I know what you saw, even if I do not have recollection of it as you would."
"I knew I shouldn't have believed I got the better of you. I wasn't that stupid. I still went ahead even if I knew I risked you sensing me and telling me to piss off." Buffy kissed his shoulder as she rubbed her hand against his stomach again. "Maybe just be safe in the fact I won't ever follow you again? Totally a once off stalkage. After this it's just sitting around the mansion and rummaging through your trash and personal items. You don't even remember the feeding?"
"I did not know you were there. I am not happy about the fact, Buffy. There are parts of Kindred world that only Kindred will ever grace, no matter what. You follow, and you will only witness more of what you saw tonight. Of course I remember the feeding. That is not the point I am making." Blaise rested his hand over his forehead, trying figure out where his mind was trying to take him. "I am not not getting anything here on how you actually feel about it. Beyond the fact you seeing me in a feeding frenzy apparently makes everything hearts and roses?"
Buffy sighed. "It doesn't make it hearts and roses. Of course it doesn't. Nothing is ever hearts and roses. I didn't set foot in that building you went into, just lurked behind a bush like any normal stalker. I managed to pick you up again before you went into the bar. I'm hardly going to breathe a word about what I saw, but you wanted me in your world. I still needed to see it with my own eyes for it to sink in. I'm sorry about that, but it's done now. And I feel... I was confused. Normally I'd be trying to stop something like that from occurring, but it's just different with Kindred." Buffy flopped back onto the bed to look up at the canopy, and reached up to run her fingers through her blonde hair. "I didn't want to stop it. And then after... I was scared for you more than I was for her. I only hung around to make sure there was an ambulance coming before I came here. I couldn't understand why you were collapsing from feeding. I mean, surely you wouldn't have gone for blood that was bad for you, but I guess... Kindred senses were busted, or something. I suppose the one thing I'm not sure about was whether it was because you were hungry, or because of something else. I mean, you had just fed on Rory. I didn't think you'd be hungry so quickly."
Blaise lowered his eyes a little in regret. "She will not live through the night. It is rare a person with a disease of the blood survives a draining. Very rare. Only a few known cases. They are not strong enough to survive a blood transfusion. I am not proud of the turn of events, and I still do not entirely understand what has happened." He abruptly became aware of the thick taste of blood in the back of his throat again, only to realise his nose had started to bleed. He struggled up into a sitting position and held the towel over his face, cursing hoarsely when it felt like it was choking him again. His system was still trying to reject it. Whatever she was ailing with, it was in its advanced stages. "Je suis désolé, mon amour. I wish you did not have to witness any of this. I am extremely angry at myself for the misjudgment. Something is not right, I just fail to completely understand what yet. I was frenzied. It is not just mere hunger that gets us in a state like that. It's an overload of emotions and senses. Mine, Rory's, Juliette's. All I could taste was Rory's blood, and it was not leaving me. It was all-encompassing and just building on the discontent I was already experiencing. Feeding should have diluted that. That is why I do not specifically and distinctly remember the events like you would as witness to it."
Buffy got up off the bed and disappeared into Blaise's en suite to fetch more hand towels and even dampen a cloth. She realised he didn't have a temperature but it had to be better for wiping the blood away. She set them all down on the bed before sitting back on it and started to unbutton Blaise's shirt so the immaculate white shirt didn't get too many stains on it. "Well, this is all part of it, isn't it? Puke tests... sickness... nose bleeds. This is what makes a relationship strong; a bond between two people strengthen. Not that I'm going to jinx anything and wish myself sick, but one day you might have to see me just as weak. So you don't need to apologise, okay? Just let me be here for you like I should be." Her lips pressed together briefly as she thought about the poor woman who wasn't going to make it through the night. She didn't need to imagine what the woman would have been thinking with Blaise using his Persuasion. Buffy had had a brief taste of it, so the poor woman would have been primed and lost in ecstasy. Only to have him try and feed from her. "Do you think there's a chance that emotions might actually start to calm now once Rory's awake and not scary Brujah?"
Blaise let his head hang, feeling a hint of defeat in her question. He took the towel away to see if there was any relief in the flow, and there seemed to be. "Je l'espère, oui. I should be able to shoulder all of this and more, but I cannot. My basic needs are not being met, and that is... well, just like a human not getting their basic needs. Food, water, clothing. Weakness will always start to set in. I realised the deductions people are going to make in regards to Rory. This way I can ease some of his suffering, ensure he is subdued enough to at least let those injuries heal. His state of mind before was bordering on psychotic. He would not have come out of that the same person. It was my responsibility to do what I did. I do not care what other conclusions others come to regarding it."
"Riley asked me why I was so chill about it," Buffy revealed quietly as she pushed Blaise's shirt down his shoulders and gently got him to move so she could take the thing off. She dropped it over the side of the bed before she brushed her fingers over his chest and arms, caressing his skin now that she was close to him again. "Told me I was about as consistent as... shit, I can't remember. Whatever it was, it wasn't polite. And kinda gross. My point? I could actually see things from your perspective. I understood why you did it, even if listening to you and Juliette scream at each other also had me seeing her point just a little. But yours, it was a decision of a leader. It doesn't have to be liked, it doesn't have to be popular. And that's something I can sympathise with. Maybe I'm no princess, and probably not really worth much as a general of an army of Slayers, but I know what it feels like to be questioned when making the hard decisions. Hell, I even got kicked out of my own house for not making the popular decisions. Voted off of Slayer Island... That was fun. You might not have done the popular thing, but you did the right thing, Blaise."
Blaise smirked faintly. "He has some interesting termination when he is playing the bad cop, I have learnt." He fell quiet, realising just how much Buffy had witnessed or overheard of him in the preceeding hours. Not just a passion-fueled sexual encounter to isolate his prey, but also him pulling the Prince card on Juliette... something he hadn't done in a very long time. At the end of the day, whatever the situation, he still expected respect for who he was, and respect of his position. When he was blatantly not getting that, he did come down heavy. He watched as she touched him softly, letting her draw in whatever she needed from the contact. "It was not being questioned on the decision. They can question me all they like, I will still do as I see is the best course. It was lack of respect for my choice. People can respect, without agreeing. No offense, mon cherie, but these Slayers sound somewhat shallow from some of the things you have been saying. It was not popular because it was unconventional. The whole case was unconventional, however. I could feel his emotions more than anyone else in that room. It was just rage at being controlled. It seems ironic that continuing to control him was the answer, but better that than a man in rage who also has a punctured lung or brain damage because he keeps insisting on belting people up whilst angry."
"No offence taken. I realise I have my moments, but the new girls take some serious shallow cake. Apparently I wasn't 'fun' enough for them. They wanted Faith who let them go out and party and get drunk while we were trying to face off against The First. I'm all for partying, but it needs to wait until after girls stop getting murdered, and Sunnydale stops being the axis of evil. Well, back then that was the case. Right now I don't know what the case is other than I'm here and Giles and Willow are trying to find some mojo to reverse what we did. Get the girls all back to normal. Hopefully it doesn't kill the Slayer line completely, but hey... worse things have happened, right?" Buffy dipped her head to press her lips to his collarbone before she pulled back again. "Hopefully Rory will have a real chance now of healing. And hopefully his brother isn't about to try and stop that by demanding he goes back to Scotland, or something. What would distance do to your control over Rory?"
Blaise just chose to keep his opinion of the Slayer line dying out quiet. He still felt like they were weapons who could be used for wrongdoing, but anything with powers was. It was the way of the world. "His brother resides in London, and has a lover who is Kindred. Ventrue. I am yet to find out more on the subject, but I sensed the presence on him as soon as he walked into Riley's office the other day. I am going to assume this is a fact Rory is unaware of, considering their estrangement. Yet it certainly might be a fact that makes things a whole lot more messy. Indeed, MI6 involvement for Riley has already made things more difficult. The brother left the facility injured. We do not know how he will decide he feels once he returns. Distance would mean I have no control over him, plain and simple."
Buffy frowned before her eyes widened. "Logan's got a Kindred lover? Wow... that's an even better twist. Rory's gonna definitely be in shock once he's aware enough to really take in that his brother's back, and that the brother has a Ventrue lover. Gotta say, did not see that coming. Kindred MI6... See, I could see you as MI6, all James Bond. But then the French royalty thing just suits you so much. But with a name like mine, totally could have been a Bond girl. And off topic, I know. So if you have no control over him - what happens? What are you even going to do with the control on him?"
"A presence that strong on someone does not mean a mere fleeting connection. It is a lot deeper, the presence was all over, deducing that it was a sexual relationship. The bigger twist is that he seems to be Logan's work partner, so perhaps I was wrong. Juliette met him, and he was less than accommodating with information, as expected. It might not be sexual, just a matter of spending a lot of time in each other's presence. Or Logan lets his partner feed from him. Maybe a mix of all the elements. It does explain Logan's distress at witnessing what I did to his brother. There may have been fear I was Embracing him, and for that I am deeply apologetic he had to experience that." A hint of a smile appear on Blaise's lips. "I have been in the military at various junctures in the past. I understand that mindset. Five hundred years is time enough to gain experience in many realms. I am hoping he will remain here and not return to Scotland."
The corner of Buffy's mouth kicked up as her green eyes sparkled. "So you've been a man in uniform? Just when I think you can't get any hotter... No wonder you make such a good leader. With the knowledge. Not the hotness. Although I'm sure that doesn't hurt. Wait, wait, wait... back up. Logan's male work partner is Kindred and may or may not be his lover? I just need a moment alone with that mental image..." Her head tilted as she squinted in thought. There was no doubt Logan was hot, and doing the Buchanan genes proud, so Buffy could only imagine he'd have an equally hot partner. "Mm... Makes me sad I might not get the chance to catch a glimpse."
Blaise gave her a small smile in return. "Indeed. Esprit de corps... I guess it is still a concept I try to live by. I was a Sergeant Major with the French Foreign Legion. My service ended after the Second World War. It gave me links vital to keeping The Masquerade concealed during international war. See? I am not merely all talk, amour. I do actually have foundation for what is coming out of my mouth. Many Ventrue are military men, also government. That is why I was not entirely surprised by this turn of events." He gave a nod. "Male. One Aidan Wright, I believe. It does seem Rory's brother at the very least, favours both sexes, if not merely male. I assume Rory is aware of this, but how are we to be sure? You may get a glimpse. I have a feeling this partner will be reluctant to let Logan from his sight anymore."
"And if Rory comes here, then the brother might come here..." Buffy took the towel out of Blaise's hand when she saw the blood had stopped coming from his nose, and started to wipe it clean with the damp cloth. "So, there's maybe some walking, talking proof that Kindred and mortals can make it work. Not that I doubted you, but clearly our start's been more than a little rocky. Do all Ventrue have specific taste like you? I wonder what Aidan's is. Do you even choose it, or it just... happens? I never assumed you were just talk. I just like hearing you talk, believe it or not."
"It is different for me. I am elevated above most Kindred. It makes the element of relationships a lot harder. But it happens all the time, everywhere. We are assuming here, remember. We do not know they are lovers. It is best not to start locking into that mindset or you may make a vital slip with information if you are ever in their presence. All we are aware of is that they are work partners. Logan could merely be a feeding source. It is possible." Blaise started to cough again, leaning forward so it didn't feel like his very insides were going to start dislodging. More spatters of blood appeared on his hand, and the cloth now was looking like something out of a horror movie. He swore in French again, trying to swallow it back. "Not all do, non. Most do. It can range from superficial, like only virgins or women with breasts larger than a D cup, to deep true emotional connections. We do not choose it, it chooses us. Perhaps sometimes in ironic twists of fate. I never had loved before I was Embraced. I was young and naive. I thought I loved all women, without really loving anyone."
Buffy's concern grew as she looked down at the cloth and immediately swapped it out for a clean one. The soiled one was wrapped up in another spare one she'd grabbed and tossed down on the floor. Surely his minions could burn it all later. Buffy rubbed her hand against his back and watched him closely. "Okay, no conclusion making. Still, it might be cool. Who was your first love? I know it wasn't Juliette because she's a couple centuries younger."
Reflexively, Blaise came to rest his head against Buffy's shoulder when it just felt too hard to keep it up for the moment. Hopefully he would be able to feed soon, on something that wasn't going haunt him in it's very essence of taste. "We need to tread carefully, also, until we know what Rory knows and what he does not. No one needs the burden of spilling family secrets on their hands on top of all else. It is far too tense already." He wiped his fingers against his lips to rid them of some lingering droplets of blood there. "Her name was Nathalee. I loved her for three whole weeks," he said with a slight laugh. "She was the daughter of our stablehand. Well below me in class, and that was an important thing in those days. But her father got fired for stealing and I never saw her again. It sounds superficial, oui, and of course it was. But because of my tastes, it was all-encompassing. It was very intense to experience love for the first time. It became an addition to me, something I could not live without. Hence the mess I find myself in today."
Buffy stilled the moment she felt his head come to rest on her shoulder, almost like she was scared if she moved again he'd decide he really didn't want comfort from her and pull away. Or tell her to piss off. Slowly she reached up to touch his temple and his hair, brushing her fingers through it again in soothing motions. "That's a beautiful name... Sometimes three weeks is a life time when it really means something. It can be more meaningful than a whole year with someone."
Blaise could feel a hint of an internal fight, something inside telling him to not accept the comfort in case she yanked it away again or threw it back in his face. But he didn't let it linger. He just closed his eyes and focused on her touch, needing to draw on the human side of things right now to help ease him out of the wake of the animalistic frenzy. He stayed sitting in case the slow rejection of the blood continued. It wasn't like he could choke to death, but that didn't mean the blood returning from within him was comfortable. At least he could maintain some slight vestiges of refinement like this rather than struggling against it. "She will always be my first love, indeed. Just not my first true love." There was a soft knock at his bedroom door and he opened his eyes a little. "Entrez," called out in response.
Jaquelynne entered the room with a small nod. "Je suis dèsolé. Pardonnez-moi." She eyed Buffy only briefly, taking the fact he was sitting so intimately with her as a sign that she could stand down on her guard dog act just a little. She was still intently concerned for him, though. The weakness, the purging. He needed to be taken care of and made comfortable until the blood was rid of his system. It could be hours, or days, depending on how much he ingested and how ill the prey had been. "Ça va, mon cherie? I have brought you fresh night clothing. Dressing is difficult, I know, but you will feel better," she insisted and brought blue silk pyjamas over to him, also with a t-shirt on top of the pile if he preferred that.
"Merci, mon belle. Je me sens mal," Blaise had to admit. "But do not worry. It will ease. I will feed as I am able."
Jaquelynne nodded, even if she wished there was more she could do at this point. She couldn't linger, though. It was obvious he wished for privacy with this Slayer, and all of Blaise's closest confidantes were hoping this woman could be what he desired above all else. Right now, Jaquelynne just hoped she could manage to take care of him if he wasn't going permit Juliette in his presence. It was always difficult at the manor when they were feuding. She collected up the soiled linens so he didn't have to have them as a reminder of that he was ailing. "Perhaps Mademoiselle Summers can assist you with dressing." She left the clothing for him and then leaned over to softly kiss both of his cheeks. "Bonne nuit, mon ange." And then she left them alone again.
Blaise watched the door as it closed and glanced at Buffy. "Dèsolé. She is more subtle in her overprotectiveness than Juliette, yet to the point all the same. She is testing you, but do not worry. You do not need to cater to her demands, or feel that you have to prove anything. I am just rarely left alone without familiar attendants on the rare occasion I am ailing. They just wish to know I am okay."
Truth was Buffy had been waiting for Jaquelynne to decide that Buffy was just in the way and she'd take over. Or even for Juliette to come sweeping into the room despite the fight. That someone would eventually get word to her that Blaise was sick. When neither of those things happened, Buffy relaxed again and as his assistant closed the door back over, she kissed Blaise's forehead and smirked faintly. "Are you seriously about to try and cheat me out of a prime opportunity to see you naked under the guise of getting you dressed? That's just rude, Blaise. And it's fine, I get it. You have a lot of people that care about you. So long as they don't think I'm doing you more harm than good, I know that I won't be in trouble with them."
Blaise gave a slight nod amidst a rare occurence of bashfulness. "Oddly enough, I have more people who wish me not dead than for any who want to knock me from my position. Most Kindred are loyal, and will be loyal until their dying day. It is the ones who are not that are the biggest risks. You would not be anywhere near me if they did not trust you on some level, even if they are just following my lead." He moved to sit up a little more, gritting his teeth with just how much effort it actually seemed to take him.
Buffy kept her hands on him as support when he moved to sit up more, not sure if she could deal with a fainting Kindred. She also wasn't sure she could shake an image of watching Blaise suddenly, and violently bleed out of every orifice. It was the stuff nightmares were made of, and she just hoped the fear would have no truth to it. A nose bleed was fine. Nose bleeds she could deal with. Hell, she'd take him coughing up blood too so long as he didn't suddenly explode with the stuff. She tried not to pass comment on the fact that maybe he did trust her after all, again not wanting to put her foot in things when they were actually working and going well. "Like the Brujah maybe? The ones that attacked Rory, anyway. I won't ask again if there's anything I can do there. I know there isn't. So I'll just stick to being nursemaid. Now, t-shirt, or silk top? And hey... they're not black. They're blue. Like the dress you gave me..."
Blaise smirked at her once he was sitting on the side of the bed. "Is there a Slayer rule that all creatures of the night must dress like creatures of the night?" he teased. He was trying to figure out which would take the least amount of effort to get on. He gestured to the pyjama top. "That one, merci. That is the colour my mother often wore. Queens were generally adorned in rich and powerful colours. This is one she was very fond of. It is one of the few lingering memories I have, and it has come to be one of my favourite colours." He fell quiet for a moment, a small frown appearing on his features. No matter how old he grew, he still got homesick just like anyone else on occasion.
Buffy smirked back at him before she sat up on the bed, resting back on her heels so she could help him get dressed. She gently took his hand, her own slipping up his arm as she focused on the touch and feel of his skin; the way his muscles worked and how they felt. She was maybe just a little guilty of groping a sick man, but only because she really did want to get to know his body. "As long as you don't dress like you're stuck in the eighties, you can dress however you want. Actually, it's nice being with someone who isn't constantly dressed in black, who knows that other colours exist." It was another thing Riley had over Angel and Spike, but she didn't say that out loud. Exes wouldn't be welcome in this conversation. She carefully slipped the pyjama top over his arms and kissed him softly as she started to do up the buttons, her lips only lightly brushing against his so he didn't need to feel concerned about her tasting the bad blood. "Do you think she would be proud of you? Did she know you'd been Embraced?"
"Perhaps," Blaise replied quietly, helping her getting the clothes off him as best he could, even if it was taking a lot of his remaining energy. "The era I was born to, however, was very, very different to everything these days. Ideals were different, expectations were different. I was born to be in line to the throne, and she would have been most proud if I projected that image, took a fine wife, produced sons. That was the ultimate success in my time. It was all men yearned for, and all women yearned to gift the men with. I think if she had known of our time here, then oui, she would have been proud. I was generally a disappointment to my parents, however. I did not settle, did not make any attempts to have sons. No one of my family knows what happened. They believe I was killed, and my brother went on to be a fine ruler of France. At least I know they would have died happy and proud."
Buffy finished tugging up his silk pyjama pants and readjusted the top over them so that he was decent and modest. The very picture of a royal prince. She gave him a sad smile, knowing how he felt on some level. She'd lost her mom before she was ready. She realised that parents should go before their kids, but not like that. Not so soon. Her eyes welled up as she took in a shuddering breath and slipped from the bed as she started to remove her own clothing. It gave her something to do, and as she reached out to pick up the white t-shirt that Blaise had chosen against she met his gaze again. "Have you Sired anyone? Wouldn't they be classed as your sons, your daughters? Do you wish you had had a family?" She slipped the t-shirt over her head and pulled it down over her body. Where it would have been tight on Blaise, it actually fit Buffy rather loosely.
"Many. In a sense, I guess it could be seen like that, but non. More like a mentor than a parent. Nothing is quite ever the same as parenting a child yourself, I am told." Blaise closed his eyes briefly, feeling a wave of drained lethargy start to hit him. He would shut down soon enough so his body would fight the contamination. "I never had a chance to desire a family. That was yet another thing stolen from me. Often, that is the first difficult conclusion a Kindred faces. That they cannot procreate. Once that possibility is stolen from you, it becomes irrelevant whether you want it or not. there is no want, only resolution. It does not take one long to stop hoping for what is never meant to be."
Buffy nodded slowly as she pulled back the covers for them both, not even asking if she could join Blaise. She wasn't given him a choice. If it came down to giving him what he needed, then he had to just let her provide it any way she could. And right now she could give him comfort, and be there for him. If she woke up to Blaise coughing up blood, she'd deal with it. Buffy slipped between the covers and pulled the pillows up so they were better positioned behind Blaise's back. "Have you ever fallen in love with a single mother? How would you feel if the woman you loved had a child?"
Blaise stayed where he was for a few moments until he just followed on with Buffy's coaxing. He was tired and in a lot of pain that lying down in bed just felt like what he imagined heaven to be like. Not that he would ever make it to the Pearly Gates if they existed. "I have never been touched by children. Not really. I have had friends with infants, but it has never come close to me. I would not entirely wish it to. My world is no place for bebes. If the woman had a child, I would have to set her free. I could not ask her to raise her flesh and blood in an environment like this."
Buffy tucked her hand around Blaise's as she stayed quiet, not sure why his comment was sitting oddly with her. It wasn't like she was in any danger of being pregnant, and she'd never thought that she would be a mother. Kids had been one of those distant dreams she'd never really let herself take seriously. She was the Slayer. Her own world was even questionable for her sister, let alone for a child. "Good thing I'm kid free then, huh? Still in with a slight chance..."
"Unless you have urges to be a mother," Blaise added when he finally shifted to lie down. "There is a reason I have never put myself in such positions. I do not want to find out how I would react to a lover being with child by another man. I am not sure it would bid much self-control."
Buffy met his gaze as she moved a little closer to him, her leg tucking loosely around one of his. She didn't want to hold him in place in case he had another coughing fit. "I think I kissed those urges goodbye a long time ago. Besides, I think I've been through my brief slutty stage. Definitely no multiple sex partners in the near future. Or at all. I'm strictly a one man Buffy."
Blaise was the one to break the gaze so he could close his eyes. He gave her arm a small squeeze to reassure her that he wasn't trying to be ignorant. "Except, I cannot ever ask that of you. Monogamy. Because I can never give it in return. I am accused of being a lot of things, but I will never be a hypocrite. I have never asked it of any of my lovers, nor will I ever. I have just been gifted with their loyalty anyway. I never really understood why."
Buffy's eyebrows drew together as she bit down on her lip. "Still, it's... a very tricky thing. Just because you do not ask it of me, doesn't mean you'll like it if I choose to not be monogamous. It's one of those Catch 22 things, isn't it? One thing to say it, another to live it. Even if I already kinda strayed into that territory, it didn't end in the happiest of results, did it? Do you really not know why?"
"It is but a Catch 22 for you to consider, mon cherie. I mean it when I say that I would never ask that of a lover, nor would I ever judge. I am too drained to revisit the sex thing again here, but I have explained that to you. And tonight, you saw that I am never going to be capable of monogamy in it's most blatant sense. Nor have I ever been. The difference between me and a mortal in this situation is that we can literally switch on and off whether feelings come into sex. We can ensure it is but mere physical act. That is not a luxury humans have. Feelings are uncontrollable. When they get that way for us, we hit frenzy, and the act becomes the feed and beyond sex anyway," Blaise tried to explain, even if his own knowledge was making his head spin.
"I think that's what does my head in. I can't not bring feelings into it. As much as I don't want them to get involved, they usually do. So, right now... it's a Catch 22 that I'm okay with being one-sided. Truth is, Riley's right. I've never met anyone like you. There is no one else like you, and there'll be no one else to live up to you. At least, that's what I'm thinking. Sex with you is still a new frontier, but you know what? I am actually okay with waiting. Builds up the anticipation. Plus, as much as maybe feelings shouldn't be discussed right now, it means the air's clear before it happens. Sex can't cloud it." Buffy glanced up at him from under her blonde bangs. "Just might mean I do things like fondle sick men, and perve on them while helping them into their silk PJs."
Blaise gave a slight laugh and opened his eyes a little to glance at her before closing them again and placing his hand over hers to still it before they moved too much again. "Non, not tonight. I beg of you. I am in a lot of pain. I just need some time to regain my strength, and then it will be easier on both of us. I also do not want you to get your hopes up that sex would be some sort of untouchable event with me. It might be nothing like you expect. It has been a long time since I indulged without feeding."
Buffy let out a soft sigh as she smiled a little at hearing Blaise laugh. "I think I'm more worried it'll be me that's the disappointment, but I guess we'll find out. Hopefully I'll be able to give you something that makes up for not being able to feed on me."
"You?" Blaise asked, raising his eyebrows a little, and looking at her through heavy-hooded eyes again. "Who had sex with two different men in twenty-four hours? I am not sure I can adequately buy the fact you are a blatant disappointment in the bedroom."
Buffy reached up to gently urge Blaise to close his eyes again as she kissed his shoulder through the pyjama top. "Doesn't mean I'm any good. Might have just been a case of quantity over quality. I don't know... don't listen to me, okay? I just don't want to disappoint you. That's what I was more getting at."
Blaise really didn't want to get into a debate about good sex or bad sex, and didn't have the energy to ply her with reassurances that she would probably be fine. Sex was sex. To him, it didn't really come on any ranking scales. "I am pretty certain that is not a comment you should make around either of your encounters. Riley in particular. He seems to hold your past quite dearly, despite it turning sour. Hearing you are uncertain of quality might just irk him that one too many times. It is a miracle he is still standing at the lead of this case as it is. We need him. Hopefully he is getting some of what he needs now, anyway. For now, we must all remain civil, for Rory's sake."
Word Count | 9,480
Blaise was holding himself up on the door jamb between his bedroom and his en suite bathroom. His eyes were closed and he rested his head against the cool iron frame of the door, trying to somehow draw on any lingering strength he had remaining in him. "Mon cherie... I'll summon Mademoiselle Rousseau for you," Jaquelynne, his assistant and personal friend, murmured, the concern evident in her helpless tone. She was standing behind him, her hand resting on his back in case he needed any help. It looked like he needed a lot of help, but he wasn't relinquishing to that yet.
"Non. Do not. I forbid you," Blaise said sharply, opening his eyes to lock her with a warning glare. But it lost its intensity as soon as it appeared and he moved sluggishly into the bathroom. "I do not what her in my presence." It indicated just how much of a rift had formed between the two mates in the wake of the events earlier in the day. But now, they just all felt like a lifetime ago to Blaise now the frenzy had diluted. He needed to feed to regain some strength, but he was too weak to face it yet. First, he had to try and rid his body of that tainted blood. It was too late to purge of it all, but he could try. Purging wasn't something he was foreign to. Vampires couldn't digest anything but blood, so when a Kindred ate food for the purpose of The Masquerade, they inevitably had to purge themselves of it at some juncture. It wasn't forgotten how ill he had felt trying to feed on Buffy's blood, but this was worse. Blaise felt just plain sick, and he hadn't felt like that in a very long time. In fact, it was likely during his Childer days, when he was still bouncing around like an excited puppy, biting into anything he could get his fangs into as he found his Kindred feet. All those years ago in his youth, he had been quite the player; exciteable, loving the company of ladies, and enjoying anything that could get his heart racing. Literally centuries later, his human self was but a distant memory. Risk was something he rarely flirted with unless he knew what he was dealing with.
He was struggling to understand how blindsided he had been that evening. What had caused him to not sense her disease? Normally, it was something immediately evident to Kindred senses, and they avoided diseased blood intently. For this very reason. It weakened them. Made them ill. With Blaise already suffering from from the weakness that came with the deep yearning for love, this had him incapacitated, and it was a fact that couldn't be made public. Like this, he would be extremely easy to assassinate. He made it over to the toilet, predominantly an unused convenience considering the obvious, and he started to purge his body of the blood he had just accepted. The thick, red liquid splashed garishly against the white porcelain, and by the time it was over, he was sitting slumped against the wall beside the toilet, exhausted.
He lost track of how long he sat there, and didn't even notice when his assistant had disappeared from the doorway where she had been watching him like a hawk. He pulled himself up to get to the sink, washing the blood from his lips and throat, and then came back into his bedroom, wiping his hands slowly and lethargically on the expensive handtowel be brought with him. He never expected Jaquelynne to be standing there with Buffy beside her, and he just looked at them both blankly for a few moments, his eyes no longer silver but a dull blue, trying to process it.
Buffy hadn't followed Blaise at first. As much as her instinct had been to follow him after seeing him collapse, she first made sure that the ambulance did come for the girl. And then she'd made her way to Blaise's mansion, all the time wondering what she was supposed to be feeling. Her job description meant she should have been stopping him from doing things like feeding on anyone. But he was Kindred. He wasn't like any vampire she had known and she knew for a fact there was no substitute. Kindred needed human blood. She also knew that Blaise wouldn't have survived this long if The Masquerade didn't work. There weren't piles of bodies, there weren't even any notions of Kindred trying to take over the world, or destroy humanity. They needed each other. It was a survival thing. Kindred couldn't live if there weren't people around.
And that was something that Buffy could understand. As much as Riley had said that Blaise was the ultimate Big Bad, he was also still... Blaise. And if his reaction to the feeding was anything to go by, Blaise just needed someone to look after him right now. She tried not to feel awkward as she stood next to his assistant and gave Blaise a small smile. Truth was she'd been waiting for an explosion about her following him, but there was nothing. Which made her think that something else was wrong. She stepped forward without waiting for an invite and took the cloth out of Blaise's hands as she folded it over to a non-blood smeared section and started to wipe at his brow. "We really need to stop meeting like this."
Blaise could still taste the blood in his throat, and he tried clearing it, but that just didn't work. Neither did swallowing. It was just there, haunting him and reminding him that somewhere along the liine, he had somehow monumentally fucked up. He was still trying to absorb the fact that Buffy was there. Hadn't she been back at the facility? Yes, she had. With Riley Finn. They had both been there, he was sure of it. It was all just a haze now, though. A little like a hangover, he was told by newly turned Kindred, but he couldn't really remember distinctly what a hangover felt like, and alcohol in his day was very different to the artificial crap being churned out in this day and age. He would just have to take their word for it. Only, he was sure this was less like a hangover and more like being way too intoxicated for one's good. "What are you doing here?" he asked her flatly, and then gave a dismissive wave of his hand at Jaquelynne, so she would know he would be okay if she left. Even then, he knew she would stay close. Not many of his staff had come to trust Buffy just yet.
"Playing nurse like I said I would. Like I wanted to when I first came here," Buffy murmured as she looked up at him. The fact that his eyes weren't silver was a good as far as she was concerned, but the way his blue eyes were dull was bad. Even Buffy knew that much. She pushed him back towards the bed and bit down on her lip softly. She wasn't sure that telling Blaise that she'd stalked him would go down so well, so she was sticking to the truth as much as she could. "Riley asked me if I'd ever gone to you just because. Well, this is it. This is me coming to you just because. I want to be here, Blaise. I want to be with you. I'm here for whatever you need. Even if it's just someone to hold a facecloth." She helped him lie down before sitting on the side of the bed next to him and brushing her fingers through his dark hair. "What happened?"
It was times like this, Blaise wished he could resort to a breath mint or something. His throat was almost burning from what he had just been through. But he might be ill and feeling like he had just been given parts of a puzzle that he had to try and work out what the image was. Hell, it even took him a few moments to realise he was lying down, and not upright anymore. "How did you know something happened?" he finally asked her when the pieces just refused to fit together. "You have not come merely because. How did you know?" There was no shock over him being ill, no questioning of why he even looked as bad as he did. No nothing. Was she even capable of emotions? Only one thing would make sense. "You followed me."
Buffy sighed as her shoulders slumped. "I warned you I was never good at lying. I saw you leaving, and I had to follow. Not because I was hunting! I wasn't. I was just... I needed to understand, okay? I needed to see the world through your eyes because mine are apparently defective. You telling me what you are, Riley telling me what you are... It doesn't actually show me. I needed to see." She ran her tongue over her lips lightly as she fell quiet and watched him before her eyebrows drew together in concern and she ran her fingers down the side of his face. "And now I get it, but I also saw what happened when you fed on that girl and I want to know what's wrong. Why are you sick from her blood?"
Blaise was pissed off that she had followed him. Of course he was. Even more so that he had offered to show her his world, but when she just kept comparing it to others, he gave up and got frustrated. If there was continuous comparison, as far as he was concerned, she did not really want to see his world. But he was too weakened to even maintain the anger. He started to cough again when the blood seemed relentless in his throat. He took the towel off her so he could cover his lips with it, his body still trying to reject it. He got himself into a semi-sitting position, but was mostly just slumped against the mound of pillows. "I am not exactly sure what you believe you 'get', Buffy. Please, enlighten me," he said hoarsely, avoiding her question for the moment.
Buffy pulled away to give him some space as he coughed, not even sure if a Kindred would keep a bucket around for possible episodes of nausea. She tucked her hands in her lap and glanced down briefly. "I can't love you without loving every part of you. The man, the Kindred. The humanity, the... animal. I need to love you when you're out there feeding just as much as I love you when you're just sitting in your office wearing those tight jeans. And I need to be able to love you when you're looking at me like I might just be the only woman in the world as much as when you're biting someone like Riley. I will never able to sustain you, and I get that. Just like I know you can't just feed from Juliette. Just like I know you've been feeding from Riley for months. But I will be the only one to truly love you, to give everything to you. To give you one thing you need that no one else can."
"You see me feed, and this suddenly all dawns on you?" Blaise was really trying to follow here, he probably just needed to be dragged through it all at a monotonous pace so his mind could keep up. He rested his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes for a few moments, the white towel covered in streaks of blood still clutched loosely in his hand. "So, you have the knowledge, and you have the directions. That does not mean you will still be capable of it, Buffy. Claiming you, it has brought me nothing but turmoil. I am too weak to fight that anymore. I do not want anymore pain."
"I don't want to give you pain!" Buffy exploded in a quiet hiss so she didn't raise her voice. "Why can't you understand that? Look, maybe I have just been blundering around as a dumb blonde, but that doesn't mean I haven't been taking things in. It's just taken longer than usual to process them. I've had to make mistakes, I've fucked up. It's what part of being human is. I'm not perfect, and I'm not going to claim to be. I'm working on getting rid of the Slayerettes, and I'm ready to love you." She ducked her head as her voice cracked on the last word and she felt the tears well in her eyes. "Don't give up on me just yet, Blaise. Please. I'm not a mistake."
"It is not about anyone's wants, Buffy. It is about plain fact," Blaise returned. He didn't even know if he had the capability to snap back. "I do not even know what to say to you anymore. Every time I try, I hit a brick a wall. You throw something else back in my face that makes me feel like you have not heard a single thing I have said. I am still in my mind stuck on your profession of disgust for feeding on Riley. I am not saying it has been a mistake. Merely an error in judgment. That seems to be happening to me a lot lately. I am not well as I should be. I am so tired. I feel old and alone. More alone than I have in a time I cannot remember."
Buffy sucked in a breath before she kicked off her shoes and moved so that she could lie behind Blaise and slip her arm over his waist as she pressed a kiss to the back of his shirt. "Because I was confused. Seeing you feed on Riley... I... I know it's not the same thing, but I slept with him, and you're feeding from him and it was just a strange connection my mind wasn't ready for. He told me about you feeding on him for longer than I've known you. Well before I met you. It's like a friendship with benefits, right? He lets you feed from him. It's just part of the friendship. Blaise, I'm not... I am listening. And you're not alone."
"Non, not like friends with benefits because it is not sex," Blaise replied, but this time he wasn't getting angry about it. He was just stating a point. "I know on the face of it that it might seem like I had feeding prospects on tap, but finding pure, fresh blood of a human with my refined taste is difficult. Of humans who know of Kindred and that I do not have to steal from them to be sustained. What Riley gives me is what I need on a regular basis, but I do not have to feel like an animal or a predator to gain. He gives me something few others are able to."
Buffy cleared her throat quietly. "I know that, but it is still a friendship with benefits. Just not sexual ones. I was actually using the word for its intended purpose. Not as a code. If Riley can give you something like that... Then it's a good thing. If he swung that way, would you love him?"
"I do not swing that way," Blaise told her without hesitation. "Kindred are... I guess what you would call suprasexual. We can feed off any sex, and gain passion from any sex. But love... I have purely female persuasian. Again, I guess that is something difficult to understand. Very much like human sexuality, just actual intercourse does not tend to be the deciding factor. And oui, if you are wondering, I have had intercourse with men in the past. Just not your Sergeant Finn, I promise you."
Buffy smiled a little. "He did seem to be adamant in it not being a sex thing, and didn't exactly like it so much when I indulged in a brief fantasy of you two. So, supreme sexiness, is there anything that I can do to make you feel better?"
"Sergeant Finn's feelings are focused elsewhere. Defensiveness is inevitable." Pain was starting to make itself known, creeping through him tauntingly. He was just going to have to deal with it until he could tolerate feeding again. He wiped at his mouth again, even if it was just a paranoia. Ironically for a vampire, he didn't like being messy any longer than he needed to be. "Non, there is not. The blood was tainted. Diseased. It is not dissimilar to a human eating contaminated food. We absorb it and it weakens us. It sours within us. Incapacitates us. I just unfortunately forgot how horrible it feels, yet lately I am not foreign to feeling ill."
Buffy rubbed her hand against his stomach as she kissed his back through his shirt again, and closed her eyes briefly. It was still strange to be in bed with a vampire and not feel stone cold skin. She did like though, a lot. There wasn't any feeling that it was wrong. Just that she hadn't yet convinced him that she was genuine. Buffy moved after a moment to pull herself up enough to look at Blaise's face, her fingers combing through his hair soothingly. "Does it take long to wear off? You have to... purge, right? See, I listen. Is there not more purging you can do?"
Blaise gave a slight shake of his head, though he was still watching her closely when he could. He got nervous their conversations would always explode and turn bad again. "I have to feed on fresh blood to give me more strength. Ironically, I am too weak to try yet. Too weak to continue trying to purge. I just need to wait, for the moment." He swallowed and swept his tongue briefly over his lips. "It is just no better returning than it is going down. A fact I hear humans complaining of frequently," he joked. "Usually after too much alcohol."
Buffy scrunched up her face as she moaned just at the memory of her last hangover. Although it was more Rory that had been affected than her. She'd escaped without throwing up, but she hadn't escaped without paying for the alcoholic bender. And the mistake of sleeping with Rory, even if she thought she would have never regretted it. Just the idea of alcohol had her stomach churning though and she rest her chin on Blaise's shoulder as she just tried to move past the sudden nausea. "Trust me, you're better getting that feeling every hundred years or so, not as often as humans suffer it. I'll wait with you."
Blaise closed his eyes for a few moments, focusing on the pain in hopes it would help fight it a little easier. He knew he should change from the suit, but all he got as far as was removing his jacket before it became too uncomfortable to try. Jaquelynne had attempted to help him with it, and all she got in return was a string of exhausted, yet pointed expletives. "Small talk, Buffy... I know what you saw. I still do not know how I feel about you following me and tracking me like that, but I know what you saw, even if I do not have recollection of it as you would."
"I knew I shouldn't have believed I got the better of you. I wasn't that stupid. I still went ahead even if I knew I risked you sensing me and telling me to piss off." Buffy kissed his shoulder as she rubbed her hand against his stomach again. "Maybe just be safe in the fact I won't ever follow you again? Totally a once off stalkage. After this it's just sitting around the mansion and rummaging through your trash and personal items. You don't even remember the feeding?"
"I did not know you were there. I am not happy about the fact, Buffy. There are parts of Kindred world that only Kindred will ever grace, no matter what. You follow, and you will only witness more of what you saw tonight. Of course I remember the feeding. That is not the point I am making." Blaise rested his hand over his forehead, trying figure out where his mind was trying to take him. "I am not not getting anything here on how you actually feel about it. Beyond the fact you seeing me in a feeding frenzy apparently makes everything hearts and roses?"
Buffy sighed. "It doesn't make it hearts and roses. Of course it doesn't. Nothing is ever hearts and roses. I didn't set foot in that building you went into, just lurked behind a bush like any normal stalker. I managed to pick you up again before you went into the bar. I'm hardly going to breathe a word about what I saw, but you wanted me in your world. I still needed to see it with my own eyes for it to sink in. I'm sorry about that, but it's done now. And I feel... I was confused. Normally I'd be trying to stop something like that from occurring, but it's just different with Kindred." Buffy flopped back onto the bed to look up at the canopy, and reached up to run her fingers through her blonde hair. "I didn't want to stop it. And then after... I was scared for you more than I was for her. I only hung around to make sure there was an ambulance coming before I came here. I couldn't understand why you were collapsing from feeding. I mean, surely you wouldn't have gone for blood that was bad for you, but I guess... Kindred senses were busted, or something. I suppose the one thing I'm not sure about was whether it was because you were hungry, or because of something else. I mean, you had just fed on Rory. I didn't think you'd be hungry so quickly."
Blaise lowered his eyes a little in regret. "She will not live through the night. It is rare a person with a disease of the blood survives a draining. Very rare. Only a few known cases. They are not strong enough to survive a blood transfusion. I am not proud of the turn of events, and I still do not entirely understand what has happened." He abruptly became aware of the thick taste of blood in the back of his throat again, only to realise his nose had started to bleed. He struggled up into a sitting position and held the towel over his face, cursing hoarsely when it felt like it was choking him again. His system was still trying to reject it. Whatever she was ailing with, it was in its advanced stages. "Je suis désolé, mon amour. I wish you did not have to witness any of this. I am extremely angry at myself for the misjudgment. Something is not right, I just fail to completely understand what yet. I was frenzied. It is not just mere hunger that gets us in a state like that. It's an overload of emotions and senses. Mine, Rory's, Juliette's. All I could taste was Rory's blood, and it was not leaving me. It was all-encompassing and just building on the discontent I was already experiencing. Feeding should have diluted that. That is why I do not specifically and distinctly remember the events like you would as witness to it."
Buffy got up off the bed and disappeared into Blaise's en suite to fetch more hand towels and even dampen a cloth. She realised he didn't have a temperature but it had to be better for wiping the blood away. She set them all down on the bed before sitting back on it and started to unbutton Blaise's shirt so the immaculate white shirt didn't get too many stains on it. "Well, this is all part of it, isn't it? Puke tests... sickness... nose bleeds. This is what makes a relationship strong; a bond between two people strengthen. Not that I'm going to jinx anything and wish myself sick, but one day you might have to see me just as weak. So you don't need to apologise, okay? Just let me be here for you like I should be." Her lips pressed together briefly as she thought about the poor woman who wasn't going to make it through the night. She didn't need to imagine what the woman would have been thinking with Blaise using his Persuasion. Buffy had had a brief taste of it, so the poor woman would have been primed and lost in ecstasy. Only to have him try and feed from her. "Do you think there's a chance that emotions might actually start to calm now once Rory's awake and not scary Brujah?"
Blaise let his head hang, feeling a hint of defeat in her question. He took the towel away to see if there was any relief in the flow, and there seemed to be. "Je l'espère, oui. I should be able to shoulder all of this and more, but I cannot. My basic needs are not being met, and that is... well, just like a human not getting their basic needs. Food, water, clothing. Weakness will always start to set in. I realised the deductions people are going to make in regards to Rory. This way I can ease some of his suffering, ensure he is subdued enough to at least let those injuries heal. His state of mind before was bordering on psychotic. He would not have come out of that the same person. It was my responsibility to do what I did. I do not care what other conclusions others come to regarding it."
"Riley asked me why I was so chill about it," Buffy revealed quietly as she pushed Blaise's shirt down his shoulders and gently got him to move so she could take the thing off. She dropped it over the side of the bed before she brushed her fingers over his chest and arms, caressing his skin now that she was close to him again. "Told me I was about as consistent as... shit, I can't remember. Whatever it was, it wasn't polite. And kinda gross. My point? I could actually see things from your perspective. I understood why you did it, even if listening to you and Juliette scream at each other also had me seeing her point just a little. But yours, it was a decision of a leader. It doesn't have to be liked, it doesn't have to be popular. And that's something I can sympathise with. Maybe I'm no princess, and probably not really worth much as a general of an army of Slayers, but I know what it feels like to be questioned when making the hard decisions. Hell, I even got kicked out of my own house for not making the popular decisions. Voted off of Slayer Island... That was fun. You might not have done the popular thing, but you did the right thing, Blaise."
Blaise smirked faintly. "He has some interesting termination when he is playing the bad cop, I have learnt." He fell quiet, realising just how much Buffy had witnessed or overheard of him in the preceeding hours. Not just a passion-fueled sexual encounter to isolate his prey, but also him pulling the Prince card on Juliette... something he hadn't done in a very long time. At the end of the day, whatever the situation, he still expected respect for who he was, and respect of his position. When he was blatantly not getting that, he did come down heavy. He watched as she touched him softly, letting her draw in whatever she needed from the contact. "It was not being questioned on the decision. They can question me all they like, I will still do as I see is the best course. It was lack of respect for my choice. People can respect, without agreeing. No offense, mon cherie, but these Slayers sound somewhat shallow from some of the things you have been saying. It was not popular because it was unconventional. The whole case was unconventional, however. I could feel his emotions more than anyone else in that room. It was just rage at being controlled. It seems ironic that continuing to control him was the answer, but better that than a man in rage who also has a punctured lung or brain damage because he keeps insisting on belting people up whilst angry."
"No offence taken. I realise I have my moments, but the new girls take some serious shallow cake. Apparently I wasn't 'fun' enough for them. They wanted Faith who let them go out and party and get drunk while we were trying to face off against The First. I'm all for partying, but it needs to wait until after girls stop getting murdered, and Sunnydale stops being the axis of evil. Well, back then that was the case. Right now I don't know what the case is other than I'm here and Giles and Willow are trying to find some mojo to reverse what we did. Get the girls all back to normal. Hopefully it doesn't kill the Slayer line completely, but hey... worse things have happened, right?" Buffy dipped her head to press her lips to his collarbone before she pulled back again. "Hopefully Rory will have a real chance now of healing. And hopefully his brother isn't about to try and stop that by demanding he goes back to Scotland, or something. What would distance do to your control over Rory?"
Blaise just chose to keep his opinion of the Slayer line dying out quiet. He still felt like they were weapons who could be used for wrongdoing, but anything with powers was. It was the way of the world. "His brother resides in London, and has a lover who is Kindred. Ventrue. I am yet to find out more on the subject, but I sensed the presence on him as soon as he walked into Riley's office the other day. I am going to assume this is a fact Rory is unaware of, considering their estrangement. Yet it certainly might be a fact that makes things a whole lot more messy. Indeed, MI6 involvement for Riley has already made things more difficult. The brother left the facility injured. We do not know how he will decide he feels once he returns. Distance would mean I have no control over him, plain and simple."
Buffy frowned before her eyes widened. "Logan's got a Kindred lover? Wow... that's an even better twist. Rory's gonna definitely be in shock once he's aware enough to really take in that his brother's back, and that the brother has a Ventrue lover. Gotta say, did not see that coming. Kindred MI6... See, I could see you as MI6, all James Bond. But then the French royalty thing just suits you so much. But with a name like mine, totally could have been a Bond girl. And off topic, I know. So if you have no control over him - what happens? What are you even going to do with the control on him?"
"A presence that strong on someone does not mean a mere fleeting connection. It is a lot deeper, the presence was all over, deducing that it was a sexual relationship. The bigger twist is that he seems to be Logan's work partner, so perhaps I was wrong. Juliette met him, and he was less than accommodating with information, as expected. It might not be sexual, just a matter of spending a lot of time in each other's presence. Or Logan lets his partner feed from him. Maybe a mix of all the elements. It does explain Logan's distress at witnessing what I did to his brother. There may have been fear I was Embracing him, and for that I am deeply apologetic he had to experience that." A hint of a smile appear on Blaise's lips. "I have been in the military at various junctures in the past. I understand that mindset. Five hundred years is time enough to gain experience in many realms. I am hoping he will remain here and not return to Scotland."
The corner of Buffy's mouth kicked up as her green eyes sparkled. "So you've been a man in uniform? Just when I think you can't get any hotter... No wonder you make such a good leader. With the knowledge. Not the hotness. Although I'm sure that doesn't hurt. Wait, wait, wait... back up. Logan's male work partner is Kindred and may or may not be his lover? I just need a moment alone with that mental image..." Her head tilted as she squinted in thought. There was no doubt Logan was hot, and doing the Buchanan genes proud, so Buffy could only imagine he'd have an equally hot partner. "Mm... Makes me sad I might not get the chance to catch a glimpse."
Blaise gave her a small smile in return. "Indeed. Esprit de corps... I guess it is still a concept I try to live by. I was a Sergeant Major with the French Foreign Legion. My service ended after the Second World War. It gave me links vital to keeping The Masquerade concealed during international war. See? I am not merely all talk, amour. I do actually have foundation for what is coming out of my mouth. Many Ventrue are military men, also government. That is why I was not entirely surprised by this turn of events." He gave a nod. "Male. One Aidan Wright, I believe. It does seem Rory's brother at the very least, favours both sexes, if not merely male. I assume Rory is aware of this, but how are we to be sure? You may get a glimpse. I have a feeling this partner will be reluctant to let Logan from his sight anymore."
"And if Rory comes here, then the brother might come here..." Buffy took the towel out of Blaise's hand when she saw the blood had stopped coming from his nose, and started to wipe it clean with the damp cloth. "So, there's maybe some walking, talking proof that Kindred and mortals can make it work. Not that I doubted you, but clearly our start's been more than a little rocky. Do all Ventrue have specific taste like you? I wonder what Aidan's is. Do you even choose it, or it just... happens? I never assumed you were just talk. I just like hearing you talk, believe it or not."
"It is different for me. I am elevated above most Kindred. It makes the element of relationships a lot harder. But it happens all the time, everywhere. We are assuming here, remember. We do not know they are lovers. It is best not to start locking into that mindset or you may make a vital slip with information if you are ever in their presence. All we are aware of is that they are work partners. Logan could merely be a feeding source. It is possible." Blaise started to cough again, leaning forward so it didn't feel like his very insides were going to start dislodging. More spatters of blood appeared on his hand, and the cloth now was looking like something out of a horror movie. He swore in French again, trying to swallow it back. "Not all do, non. Most do. It can range from superficial, like only virgins or women with breasts larger than a D cup, to deep true emotional connections. We do not choose it, it chooses us. Perhaps sometimes in ironic twists of fate. I never had loved before I was Embraced. I was young and naive. I thought I loved all women, without really loving anyone."
Buffy's concern grew as she looked down at the cloth and immediately swapped it out for a clean one. The soiled one was wrapped up in another spare one she'd grabbed and tossed down on the floor. Surely his minions could burn it all later. Buffy rubbed her hand against his back and watched him closely. "Okay, no conclusion making. Still, it might be cool. Who was your first love? I know it wasn't Juliette because she's a couple centuries younger."
Reflexively, Blaise came to rest his head against Buffy's shoulder when it just felt too hard to keep it up for the moment. Hopefully he would be able to feed soon, on something that wasn't going haunt him in it's very essence of taste. "We need to tread carefully, also, until we know what Rory knows and what he does not. No one needs the burden of spilling family secrets on their hands on top of all else. It is far too tense already." He wiped his fingers against his lips to rid them of some lingering droplets of blood there. "Her name was Nathalee. I loved her for three whole weeks," he said with a slight laugh. "She was the daughter of our stablehand. Well below me in class, and that was an important thing in those days. But her father got fired for stealing and I never saw her again. It sounds superficial, oui, and of course it was. But because of my tastes, it was all-encompassing. It was very intense to experience love for the first time. It became an addition to me, something I could not live without. Hence the mess I find myself in today."
Buffy stilled the moment she felt his head come to rest on her shoulder, almost like she was scared if she moved again he'd decide he really didn't want comfort from her and pull away. Or tell her to piss off. Slowly she reached up to touch his temple and his hair, brushing her fingers through it again in soothing motions. "That's a beautiful name... Sometimes three weeks is a life time when it really means something. It can be more meaningful than a whole year with someone."
Blaise could feel a hint of an internal fight, something inside telling him to not accept the comfort in case she yanked it away again or threw it back in his face. But he didn't let it linger. He just closed his eyes and focused on her touch, needing to draw on the human side of things right now to help ease him out of the wake of the animalistic frenzy. He stayed sitting in case the slow rejection of the blood continued. It wasn't like he could choke to death, but that didn't mean the blood returning from within him was comfortable. At least he could maintain some slight vestiges of refinement like this rather than struggling against it. "She will always be my first love, indeed. Just not my first true love." There was a soft knock at his bedroom door and he opened his eyes a little. "Entrez," called out in response.
Jaquelynne entered the room with a small nod. "Je suis dèsolé. Pardonnez-moi." She eyed Buffy only briefly, taking the fact he was sitting so intimately with her as a sign that she could stand down on her guard dog act just a little. She was still intently concerned for him, though. The weakness, the purging. He needed to be taken care of and made comfortable until the blood was rid of his system. It could be hours, or days, depending on how much he ingested and how ill the prey had been. "Ça va, mon cherie? I have brought you fresh night clothing. Dressing is difficult, I know, but you will feel better," she insisted and brought blue silk pyjamas over to him, also with a t-shirt on top of the pile if he preferred that.
"Merci, mon belle. Je me sens mal," Blaise had to admit. "But do not worry. It will ease. I will feed as I am able."
Jaquelynne nodded, even if she wished there was more she could do at this point. She couldn't linger, though. It was obvious he wished for privacy with this Slayer, and all of Blaise's closest confidantes were hoping this woman could be what he desired above all else. Right now, Jaquelynne just hoped she could manage to take care of him if he wasn't going permit Juliette in his presence. It was always difficult at the manor when they were feuding. She collected up the soiled linens so he didn't have to have them as a reminder of that he was ailing. "Perhaps Mademoiselle Summers can assist you with dressing." She left the clothing for him and then leaned over to softly kiss both of his cheeks. "Bonne nuit, mon ange." And then she left them alone again.
Blaise watched the door as it closed and glanced at Buffy. "Dèsolé. She is more subtle in her overprotectiveness than Juliette, yet to the point all the same. She is testing you, but do not worry. You do not need to cater to her demands, or feel that you have to prove anything. I am just rarely left alone without familiar attendants on the rare occasion I am ailing. They just wish to know I am okay."
Truth was Buffy had been waiting for Jaquelynne to decide that Buffy was just in the way and she'd take over. Or even for Juliette to come sweeping into the room despite the fight. That someone would eventually get word to her that Blaise was sick. When neither of those things happened, Buffy relaxed again and as his assistant closed the door back over, she kissed Blaise's forehead and smirked faintly. "Are you seriously about to try and cheat me out of a prime opportunity to see you naked under the guise of getting you dressed? That's just rude, Blaise. And it's fine, I get it. You have a lot of people that care about you. So long as they don't think I'm doing you more harm than good, I know that I won't be in trouble with them."
Blaise gave a slight nod amidst a rare occurence of bashfulness. "Oddly enough, I have more people who wish me not dead than for any who want to knock me from my position. Most Kindred are loyal, and will be loyal until their dying day. It is the ones who are not that are the biggest risks. You would not be anywhere near me if they did not trust you on some level, even if they are just following my lead." He moved to sit up a little more, gritting his teeth with just how much effort it actually seemed to take him.
Buffy kept her hands on him as support when he moved to sit up more, not sure if she could deal with a fainting Kindred. She also wasn't sure she could shake an image of watching Blaise suddenly, and violently bleed out of every orifice. It was the stuff nightmares were made of, and she just hoped the fear would have no truth to it. A nose bleed was fine. Nose bleeds she could deal with. Hell, she'd take him coughing up blood too so long as he didn't suddenly explode with the stuff. She tried not to pass comment on the fact that maybe he did trust her after all, again not wanting to put her foot in things when they were actually working and going well. "Like the Brujah maybe? The ones that attacked Rory, anyway. I won't ask again if there's anything I can do there. I know there isn't. So I'll just stick to being nursemaid. Now, t-shirt, or silk top? And hey... they're not black. They're blue. Like the dress you gave me..."
Blaise smirked at her once he was sitting on the side of the bed. "Is there a Slayer rule that all creatures of the night must dress like creatures of the night?" he teased. He was trying to figure out which would take the least amount of effort to get on. He gestured to the pyjama top. "That one, merci. That is the colour my mother often wore. Queens were generally adorned in rich and powerful colours. This is one she was very fond of. It is one of the few lingering memories I have, and it has come to be one of my favourite colours." He fell quiet for a moment, a small frown appearing on his features. No matter how old he grew, he still got homesick just like anyone else on occasion.
Buffy smirked back at him before she sat up on the bed, resting back on her heels so she could help him get dressed. She gently took his hand, her own slipping up his arm as she focused on the touch and feel of his skin; the way his muscles worked and how they felt. She was maybe just a little guilty of groping a sick man, but only because she really did want to get to know his body. "As long as you don't dress like you're stuck in the eighties, you can dress however you want. Actually, it's nice being with someone who isn't constantly dressed in black, who knows that other colours exist." It was another thing Riley had over Angel and Spike, but she didn't say that out loud. Exes wouldn't be welcome in this conversation. She carefully slipped the pyjama top over his arms and kissed him softly as she started to do up the buttons, her lips only lightly brushing against his so he didn't need to feel concerned about her tasting the bad blood. "Do you think she would be proud of you? Did she know you'd been Embraced?"
"Perhaps," Blaise replied quietly, helping her getting the clothes off him as best he could, even if it was taking a lot of his remaining energy. "The era I was born to, however, was very, very different to everything these days. Ideals were different, expectations were different. I was born to be in line to the throne, and she would have been most proud if I projected that image, took a fine wife, produced sons. That was the ultimate success in my time. It was all men yearned for, and all women yearned to gift the men with. I think if she had known of our time here, then oui, she would have been proud. I was generally a disappointment to my parents, however. I did not settle, did not make any attempts to have sons. No one of my family knows what happened. They believe I was killed, and my brother went on to be a fine ruler of France. At least I know they would have died happy and proud."
Buffy finished tugging up his silk pyjama pants and readjusted the top over them so that he was decent and modest. The very picture of a royal prince. She gave him a sad smile, knowing how he felt on some level. She'd lost her mom before she was ready. She realised that parents should go before their kids, but not like that. Not so soon. Her eyes welled up as she took in a shuddering breath and slipped from the bed as she started to remove her own clothing. It gave her something to do, and as she reached out to pick up the white t-shirt that Blaise had chosen against she met his gaze again. "Have you Sired anyone? Wouldn't they be classed as your sons, your daughters? Do you wish you had had a family?" She slipped the t-shirt over her head and pulled it down over her body. Where it would have been tight on Blaise, it actually fit Buffy rather loosely.
"Many. In a sense, I guess it could be seen like that, but non. More like a mentor than a parent. Nothing is quite ever the same as parenting a child yourself, I am told." Blaise closed his eyes briefly, feeling a wave of drained lethargy start to hit him. He would shut down soon enough so his body would fight the contamination. "I never had a chance to desire a family. That was yet another thing stolen from me. Often, that is the first difficult conclusion a Kindred faces. That they cannot procreate. Once that possibility is stolen from you, it becomes irrelevant whether you want it or not. there is no want, only resolution. It does not take one long to stop hoping for what is never meant to be."
Buffy nodded slowly as she pulled back the covers for them both, not even asking if she could join Blaise. She wasn't given him a choice. If it came down to giving him what he needed, then he had to just let her provide it any way she could. And right now she could give him comfort, and be there for him. If she woke up to Blaise coughing up blood, she'd deal with it. Buffy slipped between the covers and pulled the pillows up so they were better positioned behind Blaise's back. "Have you ever fallen in love with a single mother? How would you feel if the woman you loved had a child?"
Blaise stayed where he was for a few moments until he just followed on with Buffy's coaxing. He was tired and in a lot of pain that lying down in bed just felt like what he imagined heaven to be like. Not that he would ever make it to the Pearly Gates if they existed. "I have never been touched by children. Not really. I have had friends with infants, but it has never come close to me. I would not entirely wish it to. My world is no place for bebes. If the woman had a child, I would have to set her free. I could not ask her to raise her flesh and blood in an environment like this."
Buffy tucked her hand around Blaise's as she stayed quiet, not sure why his comment was sitting oddly with her. It wasn't like she was in any danger of being pregnant, and she'd never thought that she would be a mother. Kids had been one of those distant dreams she'd never really let herself take seriously. She was the Slayer. Her own world was even questionable for her sister, let alone for a child. "Good thing I'm kid free then, huh? Still in with a slight chance..."
"Unless you have urges to be a mother," Blaise added when he finally shifted to lie down. "There is a reason I have never put myself in such positions. I do not want to find out how I would react to a lover being with child by another man. I am not sure it would bid much self-control."
Buffy met his gaze as she moved a little closer to him, her leg tucking loosely around one of his. She didn't want to hold him in place in case he had another coughing fit. "I think I kissed those urges goodbye a long time ago. Besides, I think I've been through my brief slutty stage. Definitely no multiple sex partners in the near future. Or at all. I'm strictly a one man Buffy."
Blaise was the one to break the gaze so he could close his eyes. He gave her arm a small squeeze to reassure her that he wasn't trying to be ignorant. "Except, I cannot ever ask that of you. Monogamy. Because I can never give it in return. I am accused of being a lot of things, but I will never be a hypocrite. I have never asked it of any of my lovers, nor will I ever. I have just been gifted with their loyalty anyway. I never really understood why."
Buffy's eyebrows drew together as she bit down on her lip. "Still, it's... a very tricky thing. Just because you do not ask it of me, doesn't mean you'll like it if I choose to not be monogamous. It's one of those Catch 22 things, isn't it? One thing to say it, another to live it. Even if I already kinda strayed into that territory, it didn't end in the happiest of results, did it? Do you really not know why?"
"It is but a Catch 22 for you to consider, mon cherie. I mean it when I say that I would never ask that of a lover, nor would I ever judge. I am too drained to revisit the sex thing again here, but I have explained that to you. And tonight, you saw that I am never going to be capable of monogamy in it's most blatant sense. Nor have I ever been. The difference between me and a mortal in this situation is that we can literally switch on and off whether feelings come into sex. We can ensure it is but mere physical act. That is not a luxury humans have. Feelings are uncontrollable. When they get that way for us, we hit frenzy, and the act becomes the feed and beyond sex anyway," Blaise tried to explain, even if his own knowledge was making his head spin.
"I think that's what does my head in. I can't not bring feelings into it. As much as I don't want them to get involved, they usually do. So, right now... it's a Catch 22 that I'm okay with being one-sided. Truth is, Riley's right. I've never met anyone like you. There is no one else like you, and there'll be no one else to live up to you. At least, that's what I'm thinking. Sex with you is still a new frontier, but you know what? I am actually okay with waiting. Builds up the anticipation. Plus, as much as maybe feelings shouldn't be discussed right now, it means the air's clear before it happens. Sex can't cloud it." Buffy glanced up at him from under her blonde bangs. "Just might mean I do things like fondle sick men, and perve on them while helping them into their silk PJs."
Blaise gave a slight laugh and opened his eyes a little to glance at her before closing them again and placing his hand over hers to still it before they moved too much again. "Non, not tonight. I beg of you. I am in a lot of pain. I just need some time to regain my strength, and then it will be easier on both of us. I also do not want you to get your hopes up that sex would be some sort of untouchable event with me. It might be nothing like you expect. It has been a long time since I indulged without feeding."
Buffy let out a soft sigh as she smiled a little at hearing Blaise laugh. "I think I'm more worried it'll be me that's the disappointment, but I guess we'll find out. Hopefully I'll be able to give you something that makes up for not being able to feed on me."
"You?" Blaise asked, raising his eyebrows a little, and looking at her through heavy-hooded eyes again. "Who had sex with two different men in twenty-four hours? I am not sure I can adequately buy the fact you are a blatant disappointment in the bedroom."
Buffy reached up to gently urge Blaise to close his eyes again as she kissed his shoulder through the pyjama top. "Doesn't mean I'm any good. Might have just been a case of quantity over quality. I don't know... don't listen to me, okay? I just don't want to disappoint you. That's what I was more getting at."
Blaise really didn't want to get into a debate about good sex or bad sex, and didn't have the energy to ply her with reassurances that she would probably be fine. Sex was sex. To him, it didn't really come on any ranking scales. "I am pretty certain that is not a comment you should make around either of your encounters. Riley in particular. He seems to hold your past quite dearly, despite it turning sour. Hearing you are uncertain of quality might just irk him that one too many times. It is a miracle he is still standing at the lead of this case as it is. We need him. Hopefully he is getting some of what he needs now, anyway. For now, we must all remain civil, for Rory's sake."
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