5x15 We’re Back, Baby!
These are exciting times, friends. Exciting times INDEED. That Which Shall Not Be Named (coughhiatuscough) has ended. We’re older, we’re wiser, and some of us (me) have read every spoiler in the world for the rest of the season.
And for next week’s episode, #100.
Now, you know I keep this spoiler-free, so don’t worry, you brave souls, who have somehow made it through this wretched Bones drought with your spoiler!virtue intact while others of us have turned ourselves over to its sin like whores in a cathouse. But I’m saying, here, now, that #100 is, I believe, the most anticipated Bones episode of all time. The media is in a frenzy, writing (glowing…no, really, IT’S ALMOST GROSS HOW MUCH THEY LIKE IT) reviews. Show has gone from the awkward, gawky freshman to the Prom Queen, but she’s still super smart, and super nice, and you just can’t help but like her.
For a heads up, next week’s recap is going to be a double-recap: #100 AND #1 (chock full of Notes from the FuturePast, after I’ve seen #100). We’re going to take a nice look forward, a look back, possibly waive our hands from side to side, side to side.
But for now.
For now.
(which seems to be a phrase I like a lot lately)
We’re going to focus on #99, The Bones on the Blue Line (I made a rhyme, just in time).
1. For the record, I am no longer on cough syrup. My face still feels like it’s filled with puddles, but yeah, none of this is inspired by better living through pharmacology.
2. It also needs to be said: the men really bring it in this episode. Sweets, Hodgins, Booth, you all kill me, at one point or another. You really do. The ladies, I love you. LOVE. But this one is all about the boys.
3. And there’s one of them now! Say it with me! Hi, Sweets!
4. Oh, look! Sweets got his own trench.
5. Um.
6. No.
7. Sweets. It’s…well, you tried. Right? You did try. It’s not your fault that you’re…and BOOTH is…look, you’re a cute kid. What am I saying; you’re my age (or a little younger?). I’m not hating. You ask me out, I’m THERE. So there. You’re a good, good guy.
8. But.
9. You cannot fill out a trench like Booth. Especially a black one. What the hell are you even doing with that shit?
10. Anyway.
11. Sweets is on the DC subway system, which I actually really like, except for the Q Street Station in Dupont Circle, because when I get on those long escalators to go down, I always feel like it’s leading me to my death and I’m about to be turned into Soylent Green.
12. I SWEAR I’m not on the cough syrup.
13. On the subway, Sweets sees a young guy crying. And being the Most Adorable Mid 20 Something Man In History (really, they do not make them like this, I have done research), he asks the guy, hey, what’s up? You okay?
14. And the guy is SO okay. He’s survived cancer, and he’s going to live life, and it’s going to be amazing and awesome and-
15. I want to say, I think this happens with Sweets a lot, and is part of why he became a psychologist. He’s willing to ask someone, hey, are you okay? And he’s willing to listen. He’s willing to be a nice guy, and look like he cares, because you know what? He really does care. Even about some guy he just met on the subway.
16. I really think this recap is going to turn into a love letter to Sweets, and given the murder victim, that might be appropriate.
17. (Also, does anyone else think it’s weird the kid got a text he doesn’t have cancer? Like, wouldn’t someone call him? Maybe after all that time, you become BFF with your doctor, and you would get a text? I’m saying; I find it interesting.)
18. And the wheels start turning in adorable Lancelot’s head.
19. Elsewhere in DC, B and B (YAY! Welcome back, B and B!) are with a STUNNING Japanese reporter. Really. She’s a bitch just for being alive, she’s so pretty. I feel certain that I would butcher the spelling of her name. So I’m calling her Super Pretty Lady, SPL for short.
20. I understand that it lacks the…pizzazz of some of my other nicknames for characters, but hey, they can’t all be homeruns. You’ve gotta pepper in some base hits, too.
21. Also, Brennan, love your dress, thanks.
22. SPL is there to interview Brennan about her new book! Brennan wrote another one, y’all! And it doesn’t have anything to do with night clubs or babies or people named Bren and Booth, and HH ARE WE JUST LETTING THAT PLOT STRAND DIE OR ARE WE EVER GOING TO FUCKING PICK IT UP AGAIN?
23. I think I need to rant.
24. Brennan sits there, watches Booth, for FOUR DAYS, unmoving, and she writes. She writes a book where they are in love, and they are married, and they are going to have a baby, and they are irrefutably them, so much so that when she reads it aloud to coma!Booth, it’s close enough that he wakes up all confused. Everyone knows about this book. Everyone.
25. And you’re telling me-
26. YOU’RE TELLING ME.
27. No one has called her out on this? Like, NO ONE?!
28. Sorry, but I’m calling bullshit.
29. B/B have some of the nosiest friends in history. They absolutely do not respect personal space, boundaries, or lines. They get all up in each other’s business. Clark is especially adept at pointing this out, as you may have noticed.
30. In summary: for the love of God, can we pick that up again, please? I think we need to go there. I do not feel I am alone in this.
31. SPL is talking with B/B, brining up (not for the last time) the similarities between Agent Andy and Booth (which he notes with clear smugness and satisfaction and please take off your clothes) when everything starts to rumble and shake.
32. NO, NOT LIKE THAT.
33. Even though, man, I…yeah. I’ll get to this in a minute.
34. I’ll also say this: as you may have seen, my boyfriend of five years and I broke up about a week and a half ago. I find, lately, that when you have been in a relationship that long, and then, you’re not…well, it makes you sad.
35. But.
36. BUT.
37. There’s also a world of possibilities.
38. Booth said that once, about being alone. That there was a world of possibilities. And he smiled at her, at Bones, and she smiled back, and maybe she understood…maybe she understood. Maybe he didn’t. He thinks about it, now, that they are both definitionally alone (Booth does not think the word “definitionally,” but he feels it, that’s Booth, feeling things), but are they, really? Can the way they act, the way they move, around each other, really be alone?
When you are that close - thatclose - to another human being, when you know their knock, the meaning of their smiles (one is tight, one is true, one is happy, and one’s for you), when you know the pace of their gait, and the interpretation of what they order for dinner, are you really alone anymore?
And how alone were you really to start with? If you spent so much time with that person?
39. Booth does the Boothy thing, talking about keeping people safe, and whatnot, and SPL is all, “That’s totes what Agent Andy would say.”
40. Andy is Booth. We know this. Brennan knows this, but NOT knows it? And adorable moments abound later about it? YES.
41. There’s an earthquake. Not what appears to be a particularly serious one - except for where t kills Sweets’s new friend on the train, and makes a dead body appear.
42. Sweets holds this young man, younger than him, I think, in his arms. Because Sweets is this kind of person. He’s the kind of person, who, even if he does not understand it, will be there for someone when it’s hard. He sees Booth, and Brennan, and he often thinks to himself, will I ever be like that? Will I ever be able to command a room, to command respect, to have so much command of myself that I will have the bravery (and that’s what it is; it’s bravery) to put someone’s happiness before my own?
He has that kind of bravery.
Of course he does.
He’s Sweets.
43. Booth and Brennan (plus SPL) show up at the scene, and Booth’s number one concern is Sweets. I freaking love this. SO. MUCH. Because it’s not that they have an investigation, or there’s been an earthquake. It’s not Brennan’s book, and the way it’s making his mind rumble, or the reporter, or even Bones. It’s Sweets. Right now, he cares the most about Sweets. Because Sweets is good, and kind, and smart, and damn, if he had a little brother like him…
If Parker grew up to be a kid like him…
He can’t imagine he wouldn’t wake up every day damn, DAMN proud.
44. TRENCH ALERT.
45. My God. That coat. And for the record, I want Brennan’s trench from this season, but it’s Burberry, so that’s a no. I have a friend - a rich friend - who has the trench, but it’s black. And gorgeous. There’s one at Banana Republic that I’ve resisted, but I don’t know, I’ve gotten a raise…anyway, this is why God made London Fog, and does anyone know who makes Booth’s trench? I need it. On a man. Of my choosing.
46. Because of the possibilities.
47. Back to the show….
48. Booth goes to talk to Sweets. Sweets totally tries to Dude Out about it, be all, like, I’m cool, don’t worry, totes fine. Booth’s not buying it, of course, and he’s worried about Sweets, and honestly? I really like that moment. It’s a good moment, for both of them.
49. Officer McKenna Grant…look, everybody! It’s Clea DuVall!
50. No, I didn’t know her name until I IMDB’d it.
51. But I did remember she was in The Faculty. Because I grew up in the 1990s (that’s going to be important…later. Much, much later. Not even…now. We’ll get there).
52. I don’t know if you remember The Faculty, but I do. And why? Because it was a Kevin Williamson project. And why do I care about Kevin Williamson? BECAUSE HE CREATED DAWSON’S CREEK, THE FIRST SEASON OF WHICH MORE OR LESS TAUGHT ME WHAT I THOUGHT MY LIFE WOULD BE, KTHX. Dawson’s Creek, to an overly verbose teenage girl with a penchant for making BFFs with boys, was, like, THE MOST AMAZING THING IN HISTORY. At the time. I may or may not have had a website in 1998, which got over 20K hits, which was like at least half of the people on the internet then. I might have written some truly horrid fanfiction, which I will never direct you to, and luckily, I think it’s all gone in the Purge of Geocities, thank heavens. I mean, it was bad. BAD. I-wouldn’t-wipe-my-ass-with-it bad.
53. And Dawson’s Creek was the reason I was introduced to Buffy, because the WB (do you remember the WB? OMG) paired them together. I watched the first two seasons for the first time over the summer AFTER the first season of Dawson’s Creek. It was, of course….
54. ….the first time I was ever introduced to DB. And watched as he did the whole mopey Angel to Angelus thing, and GOD. Anyway. So. Bringing it back around.
55. (the theme of this recap is tangents)
56. Brennan does her dooey on skeleton. SPL talks about how this could be an awesome opening for Brennan’s next book. Booth smiles adorably, politely, and hey, that’s better than what my grandmother would do, which would be to yell at SPL in slow, ridiculous English.
57. It’s the theme song, and we’re over 2K words. This recap will never end. GOD.
58. Back at the lab, the crew and Daisy-
59. HI, DAISY!
60. Look. She’s my favorite. I’m saying. She is. I’ve had to take her out of the pool of interns, because Daisy?
61. Is special.
62. Sweets knows it (and I called him asking her to marry him. Hart Hanson, I love you, but you so rarely fake me out anymore, because I do not trust you, because you are awesome and evil. I’m saying).
63. Daisy is way perky, and super - like, inappropriately - pumped about her job, and she and Dr. Brennan have gotten mega dorky (love you, Sweets) together before (“We will be on the cover of magazines!” “There will be parades!” or whatever it was they said). She is very, very honest. Her biggest deal is that she just wants to be liked, and when she chills out about that, she’s hard NOT to like. And the way she said, “Santa teeth,” in the Christmas ep this year…you guys. We all talk about VNM v. Wendell, but let’s face it: Daisy is the winner.
64. Also: Sweets made out with another girl. I think we’re just going to have to let this go. I know that’s not going to make you all happy, but there it is.
65. Anyway, we’re on the platform at the Jeff. Brennan is going on about rats v. weasels. Angela shows up - who we learn is “Amanda” in the books. Sweets comes by; he’s mostly being a total dude, trying to “do his job.” Daisy tries to comfort him, but Sweets doesn’t know how to handle it.
66. Brennan, in the most adorable move ever, says, “Booth told you to go home. He knows about things like this, Sweets.” Her complete reliance on him in this realm is just…well, she’s come a long way. Is what I’m saying.
67. They find blue pigment on the clavicle, so there’s a clue!
68. Hodgins drives Sweets home in the Mini Cooper. It would probably freak me out to drive by Hodgins in the car, what with the different side of the road thing. I’m saying, it’s weird for people in other cars. But I love that Cam just offered Hodgins up to be Sweets’s chauffeur. There was just no question that he would do it.
69. Sweets is freaking out - calmly, you’ve got to give him that - about mortality. Hodgins, for his part, is really being pretty supportive. I like this episode a lot because you get to see just how much these people care about Sweets. They all see him as a dorky younger brother, and don’t give him probably all of the respect he deserves, but they do really, really care, and that matters more than anything.
70. SPL and Amanda - sorry, ANGELA - get chatty in Brennan’s office. I must say, I find it curious that Amanda and Agent Andy have gotten jiggy in the books (and what is this “Agent Andy” shit? Is he like “Ranger Rick” or “Captain Kangaroo”? It makes is sound like Andy should be cuddling bears and stopping forest fires instead of solving murders and having, apparently, a shitton of sex). I want to know in which book that happened, and if those times coincide with times when Brennan perhaps felt too close to Booth, so pushed his fictional surrogate off on Amanda.
71. I realize that is pretty much as dorky a question as asking for Captain James T. Kirk’s entire family tree for 20 generations, but I’m owning it.
72. SPL lays it out - Booth and Brennan = Andy and Kathy, so that must mean the real thing is having some incredible sex. Brennan sputters. I love seeing her so wildly uncomfortable.
73. Also, Angela slept with a Belgian prince. God.
74. Daisy has, it seems, found the appropriate method for kissing Brennan’s ass, but noting things from the book that can help in the investigation. I can’t say I’m shocked. Daisy, that’s why you’ve taken the top spot on the leaderboard.
75. Cam mostly looks like she’s trying not to barf.
76. Anyway, there’s a tooth in the guy’s eye. I understand that this is supposed to help people get their sight back. I don’t totally get how this works, so medical professionals, please extrapolate.
77. And we’re going hunting for rat poo! Hodgins looks at Daisy: “You seem to know your poop.” She looks so pleased. God help her.
78. In the tunnel, Daisy is talking about the book, and she mentions the NOTORIOUS page 187. Daisy informs us that she and Sweets…engaged in a “move that Agent Andy make,” and-
79. Wait a second.
80. WAIT A SECOND.
81. PROVEN: Daisy and Sweets totally role play as Booth and Brennan. Or at least as their surrogates. Knew it. KNEW IT.
82. Anyway, this move, whatever it is, was so delightful that the neighbors complained.
83. Um.
84. So.
85. That means….
86. Sweets was probably…
87. Uh.
88. Good at it? I’m saying. Oh, man. I’ve gotta move on from that. Got to.
89. They take lots of pictures, lalala, mothership of rat nests, Hodgins is super pumped, and really, who cares, because WHAT THE FUCK IS ON PAGE 187 I NEED TO KNOW.
90. Someone, stat, please twit to HH about it. ASAP.
91. We’ve got our victim - he’s a scribe. That’s awesome, and I totally like what they do with it.
92. Daisy is on high alert - it’s Bad Shit Happening to Nearly Fortunate People Day, and she’s not liking it one bit. Cam calls it all “ironic,” and Daisy? You know what? Good for you. That fucking Alannis Morriset song isn’t ironic, either. Also, while we’re getting technical, “impacted” is not a verb. It’s not. At least not the way a lot of people are using it. I’m telling you. I realize that society as a whole has decided to let it be a verb and use it constantly and that I’m going to eventually be overruled about this, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. It doesn’t.
93. Tangent alert! Drink!
94. At Founding Fathers, SPL and Brennan go back and forth about Andy and Booth:
Brennan: Because Andy isn’t Booth. Why does everyone think that?
SPL: Booth thinks so. He says they’re both mega hot and brave. Duh.
Brennan: Booth is wrong.
SPL: You don’t think he’s attractive.
Brennan: (uncomfortable…again. SPL, COME ANY TIME) I think his symmetry is pleasing. Yes. (That’s Brennanese for “Booth is built like a god.” I’m just guessing.)
Then Brennan tries to tell us that she only includes the sex to denote the passage of time. I don’t know what the fuck to even do with you anymore, Brennan. Dammit.
95. At the lab, Hodgins finally can’t take it anymore, and checks out page 187. LIKE I WISH I COULD. His cockiness, upon reading it, rivals Booth’s, for as we learn, his mastery of some certain skill, OF WHICH WE ARE AT NO POINT APPRISED WOULD IT KILL YOU TO PUT IT ON THE WEBSITE, has been memorialized in an extremely popular novel, and people are, like, trying his shit out. It’s a man’s dream come true.
96. Angela: “Page 187. I’m not reading the sparky bits aloud to you.”
97. From now on, I’m calling all dirty things “sparky bits.” LOVE IT.
98. Hodgins: “That’s that thing that I do. Nobody else does that thing. It’s my thing, that I do….oh well. You know I’ve got other things that I do. You should only sleep with guys who can’t read. Because otherwise, you’ll never be rid of me.”
99. OH. MY. GOD. How hot was that? Seriously. On a scale of 1 to hot, that was ENFUEGO.
100. Angela thinks so, too. You know it.
101. In the bone room, Daisy tells Brennan that she’s worried about Sweets, which Brennan doesn’t actually smack her down for. I appreciate it. They figure out some stuff with pitting on the skull, and do you notice that I usually gloss over the clues and stuff? Yeah. I don’t care about them. At all, really. The clues are just another chance for me to get to something to freak out over.
102. At Hoover, Booth talks to the victim’s writing partner. Apparently, writing letters is pretty decent money. $250 a page for legalese!? Crap. Maybe I’m in the wrong profession.
103. Booth - looking REALLY hot…I mean, my God, he takes that jacket off, and there’s just his shirt, and…it’s hot again. People. Hot.
104. Anyway, Booth is looking at the letters, and Sweets is still internalizing his freak out. Booth tries to get Sweets to look at the guy in the subway’s death in a more positive way - that they guy died happy. Sweets tells him that it all feels like a message, and we get this:
105. Booth: “Live life to the fullest. People should do that more often, moment to moment, day to day, but they don’t.”
106. He should.
He really should.
He tells himself, all the time, that he is lucky. He has a beautiful son, a satisfying job, a good life.
A good life.
He should be happy.
But he’s not.
She smiles at him, and it used to feel like…it used to feel good. So, so good.
But good’s not enough.
Not when she smiles at him, and it makes him intake breath, not quick, but in that way that slowly but strongly fills his chest. His heart does not beat faster, but somehow with more purpose, if that makes any sort of sense. She pushes back her hair, and his hand grabs the back of his neck, rubbing away an imaginary strain, maybe the strain it’s taking on him not to just reach out, not to just reach out….
It’s taking a strain.
And that’s why he’s good.
But he’s not good.
Because he knows great is right in front of him.
If he would only stop thinking about tomorrow, or an hour from now, and just live in the moment.
He fears that he never, ever will.
107. Sweets says, which shock, “It’s a death threat!” Congrats, Sweets. You get the Captain Obvious Award for this episode. You don’t get a trophy, but you do get my world-famous eyeroll. My mother can tell you; it’s outstanding.
108. At the Jeff, Hodgins have put together a Rat Poop Timeline. Cam: “Now I’m in a 6th Grade science fair.”
109. That pretty much sums it up. Also, total props to TJ Thyne for being able to seem so stoked about rat poop. Cam dubs him “King of the Lab,” then attempts to slap him back down.
110. Yeah, Cam. You had to know that wasn’t going to work.
111. Booth interrogates a guy, and I have to say, I like this guy’s level of pissed off. He doesn’t give a SHIT. Not one hot shit. He’s hilarious. But he didn’t kill the guy.
112. Brennan waxes poetic to SPL about forensic anthropology, but SPL, to her credit, isn’t having it. Cause she too, it seems, has read page 187. Here’s a somewhat revealing conversation:
SPL: Why did it take so long for Dr. Reichs to have sex with Agent Andy? (and I’m also confused - don’t we get confirmation early in the first season that there’s a scene where Andy and Kathy are gettin’ busy in the back of a car? You give me answers, Hart, and I just end up with more questions)
Brennan: Stable isotopes blah science blah
SPL: Will she ever tell Andy about her affair with Ryan? (I haven’t read the books, like the real ones, but there’s Ryan and Andy, right? Like, Temperance works with both of them at different times?)
Brennan: That was inconsequential fluff, SPL.
SPL: It’s why they fight in chapter 6.
Brennan: That’s when they identify the lotus somethingish.
SPL: That’s when their passion is released.
Brennan: That shit don’t mean shit.
SPL: That shit is THE shit.
And Brennan can’t handle it, so who does she turn to? BOOTH.
113. Brennan reveals that Angela helps Brennan write the…steamier parts of the books. Booth: “Page 187?” (asked in that…tone he has. The sexy, I’m-talking-about-something-naughty-but-I-like-it tone) Brennan: “Angela. Though, I am anxious to try it.”
114. OH CHRIST.
115. The looks on their faces…the looks on their faces. She’s got this sort of…I can’t even describe it - but the look on her face? It’s. It’s a LOOK. That is INTERESTED. And Booth…God help him. You can tell in the 2.2 seconds between her walking to the door and his moving, that, in his mind, he’s tried it, with her, and he’d like to try it for real. I mean, he probably already tried it in his head when he read it, but now, he knows that she hasn’t done it, so then there’s the whole idea that THEY COULD REALLY, REALLY TRY IT TOGETHER, and all he can say is, “Really?” Like when she said she liked “good boys” in “Dwarf in the Ditch.” Booth is a willing subject for your…trying, Brennan. You should take him up on it. Please. Because the rest of us would like to, but he only wants to try with you, dammit.
116. At the Jeffersonian, Sweets figures out that the victim wrote some letters that were clearly from his prospective, and that he must have been in love with someone. Daisy comes in - she’s been looking for him all over the place. You can tell; she’s really, really worried, and she wants to help. What you’ve got to learn, Daisy, is that sometimes, you have to just let guys work through it. When they really want to talk to you, they will, as long as you’ve let them know that they can. Sweets brushes her off, and my heart really goes out to her.
117. Angela tries to talk to him about it, but you know that thing I just talked about? How sometimes, you just have to let guys work through it? Angela understands that.
118. They do some wacky webcam business, and honestly, I don’t feel like that’s really legal, but whatever. SUSPECT!
119. Angela drives Daisy around - they all have heard her sighing and moaning, and the person with the highest tolerance for such activity, Angela is assigned the task of dealing with Daisy. You need a raise, Angela.
120. HOW AWKWARD IS IT WHEN SHOW TRIES TO SELL ME STUFF?! It’s so awkward. You know they’re in the writers’ room, and someone’s like, “What the fuck, why did I get the assignment to write the Toyota plug for this episode?” And there’s like some sort of pool/betting/trading action going on: “I’ll give you my tickets to the Lakers’ game if I don’t have to write that stupid fucking bit.”
121. And.
122. Oh, no.
123. I’ve just minific’d the Bones writers’ room. This is a sign that I need mental help.
124. Daisy and Sweets talk about getting dumped, and how Daisy hasn’t ever been dumped. “Why would Lance break up with me?! I’m awesome!” LOVE YOU, DAISY! That’s one thing about the women on this show - they have got some serious confidence, and I LOVE IT.
125. In the interrogation room, Booth grills the new suspect, but I don’t really care. I’m bored with this mystery, honestly; I want to know what’s on page 187. And why isn’t Brennan in there? She hasn’t been interrogating all episode.
126. Booth calls Angela, highly and obviously distressed, and here’s why: Brennan’s writing those books? It’s got to have always been a sort of sign to him, that she’s got some deeper stuff going on there that she’s not talking about. The fact that Angela might have been the one behind that all along…it freaks him out. Hard core. Because if it’s all Angela, and it’s not Bones, then maybe there’s something he’s missed about Bones, and maybe he’s wrong about whether or not they might have some sort of chance…anyway. That’s why I think he’s so freaked.
127. I have some issues with this Angela-helps-with-the-steamy-parts thing, but upon reflection, I’m okay with it. I actually think it’s probably just like what Angela says - Brennan writes a book, Angela makes suggestions, and Brennan does the actual writing. I don’t think that Angela is creating all the characters, or the dialogue, or the feelings behind it. In my mind, Angela is just helping Brennan spice some things up. Maybe giving her a few outlines of a picture, and Brennan fills in the colors. And we can’t be surprised by this. Because, look, it took Booth to really open Brennan up, to make her see the world a bit more, and it’s always sort of been a mystery how Brennan wrote all of this intense relationship stuff. It makes sense she had a little help - but that’s all it is. A little help. That’s the way I’m choosing to interpret it, anyway.
128. Booth talks with Officer Grant and….zzzzzzzzzz. I don’t care. Most interesting bit: Grant started dating her ex-boyfriend after she arrested him. What the fuck.
129. At the Jeff, Angela and Hodgins have done some awesome collaborating with his science skillz and her big cool screen thingy skillz, and oh yeah, I haven’t forgotton-
130. IT’S EPISODE 15 AND WE STILL DON’T HAVE A STOOL FOR ANGELA.
131. But, at least now that Brennan gives her that money at the end of the episode, Angela could buy a stool? If she wanted?
132. Hodgins and Angela look totally pleased with themselves and each other….
133. Just like they probably did after doing that thing on page 187?
134. HEY-OH.
135. Daisy: “Hey, there are those photographs I took when I when with Dr. Hodgins to look at the rat poop!” She says it as if she’s saying, “Hey, there are those photographs from Spring Break last year!” or “Hey! There are those pictures from graduation!” She’s so pumped.
136. They all resist the urge to hit her. I give them credit.
137. Anyway, YAY! They found the murder scene!
138. Booth, Brennan, and SPL walk into a pawn shop, where Brennan exhibits frustration at not being able to carry a gun. Again. Booth ignores it. Again. Eddie, our pawn shop boyfriend person, reaches for the gun, and Booth gets Boothy, pulling out his gun (and this time, it really is his gun, not his penis, and we all feel sad).
139. But then less sad, because this happens.
SPL: That is very sexy. Big Andy with a gun, protecting Kathy.
Brennan: No, no, no. He is not Andy, and I am not Kathy….but it’s even more exciting when he shoots someone with it.
Booth: Bones.
Brennan: It is, Booth! And impressive; he never misses.
SPL: Andy sometimes misses.
Brennan: Yes. See?
140. You know what that says to me? Right there?
141. Andy’s not Booth.
142. Booth’s not Andy.
143. Because Brennan thinks Booth is better than Andy.
144. Booth pulls out the gun, and if she had to admit it (and there’s no one who’s going to make her, she’s not going to make herself), she would have to say that the entire act turns her on.
The confidence with which he does it, moving the gun quickly, but with control, his voice steady, his eyes narrowed…she has seen this a hundred times, and that’s not hyperbole, and it never fails to….
It never fails.
Just like Booth.
His aim is true. Always. He told her, not too long ago, that he was having trouble, then she went with him to his sharpshooter test, and he was perfect. She thought he was probably too hard on himself. He often holds himself to very high standards, which she appreciates, because she does the same.
She must admit; they are a very good match.
For work, of course.
Andy wouldn’t be a good match for her at all. For one, he sometimes misses. Not just targets, but clues. He is not as adept an investigator as Booth. He is not as determined, either, often distracted by romance, by his relationships with Amanda, or Kathy.
Booth is not distracted. Booth puts his job first (well, after Parker). Booth is focused. Booth doesn’t have time for the types of things that Andy-
Well. Booth just doesn’t have time for it. The job is paramount. Brennan respects it, because she is focused, too.
But when Booth’s standing there, his gun pulled, and he is protecting himself, but she also recognizes, he is protecting her, he is….
It becomes a little hard for Brennan to focus.
Because Booth is better than Andy.
Booth is so much better.
145. Also, Booth’s wearing pinstripes, and y’all…oooooh. It looks so, SO good.
146. Anyway, it turns out Eddie has blue-tipped ammo, causing Brennan to exclaim, “Got ya, dirt bag!” Oh my. Any time Brennan does stuff like that, I cringe. I do. It kills me. It’s so awkward, but so spot on.
147. Booth interrogates Eddie - again, without Brennan, what’s up with that? - and it turns out that Eddie didn’t do it, either. It also turns out that I still don’t care. But anyway.
148. Eddie gave Officer the gun that brought them together. That’s…sweet. Oh, man. Eeew.
149. Officer Grant comes to Hoover, where Brennan is FINALLY there to help. We get her confession, and the shoes thing is cool…but yeah. I really still don’t care. Show doesn’t care. I don’t mean to say that they don’t try to make the mystery interesting, or that it’s not usually interesting, but as I’ve said, Show cares about the people. They care about the players, not the game, if you will.
150. SPL is breezing out of town, still ridiculously beautiful, and I LOVE her bag. LOVE. She does tell Brennan: people shouldn’t take credit for what other people write.
151. Sweets gives the victim’s writing partner the letters that he likely wrote to her. Is it just me, or in the sides, was Booth telling the writing partner about this? That if he were the victim, that he’d want his partner to know? I think that would have some serious gravity for me, but it’s fine with Sweets. Because Sweets? IS ABOUT TO GET AWESOME.
152. Brennan breezes into Angela’s office with a check for an ungodly amount of money. Look, you can say a lot of things about Brennan, but she doesn’t horde her money. She’s not stingy. She went from an orphan to a very successful, very rich woman, and she really doesn’t give a shit about it - it’s just money. And Brennan’s all about doing what’s fair. So I like this scene quite a lot.
153. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.
154. I’m saying, I figured he’d ask her to marry him, but…oh, man.
155. It’s beautiful.
156. They’re in the bone room, which I really do think is a gorgeous room. Just amazing. All of those boxes of light, with lives inside of them, and maybe some people would find it depressing, that those boxes are all those lives have left, but they’re not. They don’t just have the boxes. They have an entire team of people who want to give them a name, a face, a voice. An entire team that wants to bring them back to life, and wants to get justice for that life. It’s really, really wonderful.
157. The way Sweets does this…it’s not fancy. It’s not great proclamations and flowers and glowing language. But it’s honest. And it’s sincere. It’s an act of living, affirmative living, that honors the thought of living life to the fullest, that honors the bones and lives that surround them in the boxes on the walls.
158. Daisy…oh, I just love Daisy’s reaction. That’s exactly what I’m going to do, if I’m ever asked to marry someone. Because it shouldn’t just be someone asking you, but it should be something you ask, to, something you ask each other, and no one should be down on one knee while the other stands, you should both be down there, together, because that’s what it’s all about, right? Being down there, together? Just a stunning scene, so well done.
159. Also, you know they did it right there on the floor after that, right? They so did.
160. At Brennan’s apartment, which they’ve tried to spruce up from the outside, I see (thanks, guys!), Booth knocks on her door. She’s in her robe, and it’s not one of those fluffy, comfy ones - this one’s just a little bit saucier. Booth is barely able to hide the fact that he TOALLY checks out her ass as Brennan closes the door and offers him Chinese food. He’d rather have scotch.
161. (Me, too, Booth. And for the record, I’ve developed a taste for scotch. Got called Robin Scherbatsky by a bartender last week. That was pretty much the highlight of my life.)
162. Booth tells Brennan that Eddie got Office Grant a lawyer, which they both seem surprised by (though I’m kind of eh about Booth’s reaction - I mean, come on? He gave her an engraved gun, and she liked it. These are not normal people). Then the topic goes to soulmates.
163. Oh, this is so pretty. I will just let you read it, then we’ll talk.
164. Brennan: Soulmates?
Booth: Soulmates.
Brennan: The idea of soulmates actually originated with Plato.
Booth: Yeah. You mean the, uh, clay that kids play with. (not just kids, Booth. Play-Do if fun for kids of all ages!)
Brennan: No, the…oh! You’re joking.
Booth: (with the most adorable face in the history of faces) Me, joking? No.
Brennan: No, the ancient Greek philosopher. His theory was that humans originally had four arms, four legs, and two faces. Zeus was threatened by their power, so he split them all in half. Condemning us all to spend our lives trying to complete ourselves.
Booth: I don’t believe that’s true.
Brennan: I agree; it’s ridiculous.
Booth: Right? Four arms, four heads?
Brennan: Two faces.
165. First of all, the first thing this reminded me of was Hedwig and the Angry Inch, a FANFUCKINGTASTIC rock musical, with the amazing song, “The Origin of Love,” which is all about this concept. It is incredible, and if you haven’t seen it…wow. See it. Go to youtube; surely the song is there.
166. But about this. The soulmates thing.
167. I, O’Brien, hate the idea of soulmates. The general idea is that they are incredibly romantic - one person we’re all meant to be with, blah blah blah - but I find it depressing. One person? Really? What if your one person is in Norway and you’re in Tibet. Well, you’re probably fucked. And I don’t like the idea of fate, or predestination, of anything that tells me that my life is not what I make it. I think people generally find soulmates comforting, but I just can’t.
168. And if Booth and Brennan are soulmates, if they are MEANT TO BE, then I think that diminishes their love story. Really. Because let’s be honest - they’ve had to work at this. If/when they get together, it’s going to be because there’s something so strong that they’ve built, something so real, and meaningful that they’ve worked for, that they have made the choice to do the thing that makes them happy, and that’s being together. I like far more the idea that you love who you choose, that, after the initial attraction, that you love the person who might drive you nuts sometimes, but you don’t really care that much, because you just LIKE them, and they feel the same way.
169. Because here’s the truth of this idea, within the context of this show. Booth and Brennan? Are not perfect for each other. They are not two puzzle pieces that slide easily together. Things are never going to be easy for them, but shit, who cares? Is something that’s really worth it ever easy? The love stories I like the best are the ones where people have issues, have problems, have quirks, but at the end of the day, they find another person who has all that stuff, too, and it makes it matter less. That’s more like life. Soulmates, in a lot of ways, seem too easy.
170. So, I think there are types of people you can be compatible with. And at some point, if you’re lucky, and if you’re ready (and sometimes when you’re not), you find another person who you fall into, and they fall into you, and you make a choice to take a chance. Because people are not always reliable, they change, they falter, but the biggest compliment you can pay anyone is to just believe in them anyway. And that’s really how I see Brennan and Booth.
171. That said, Plato’s description is beautiful. However, I don’t get why Booth isn’t pro-soulmate, because that would seem like his type of thing. He’s a fate guy. So is he just saying that because Brennan’s saying it? Or has he had a fundamental shift? I can’t really tell.
172. He can’t really tell.
What they’re doing, exactly.
Back up.
He knows they are sitting at her counter. They are sitting at her counter, drinking scotch, and she’s in her robe - Christ, help him - and they’re talking about soulmates-
They’re talking about soulmates.
He’s been having these conversations with her, for years now. About the things they believe in, and they things they don’t, and lately, he’s been so concerned with the way he thinks and the way she doesn’t, and maybe that’s all just….
Maybe he can’t tell.
Maybe it doesn’t matter.
She pours another glass of the scotch, and after the first one, the second doesn’t burn. This will be all they drink; scotch isn’t for amateurs, and two is enough, when he’s going to drive home after this, he is, and she’s going to take off her robe and slip into her bed, and she will sleep, he thinks, she will sleep, and dream, and so will he, and maybe it’ll all be about the same thing, because his dreams are lately all about the same thing, and the only dreams he remembers are the ones where they are together.
Like this.
(and a few where they try out page 187)
He used to believe in soulmates, in the hands of fate moving you toward another person, and who knows, maybe they did. Maybe they moved him to this kitchen, to this counter, to this glass of scotch. Maybe none of it was ever him, or her.
But he doesn’t like to think that, now. Because even if fate decided long ago that he was meant for someone else, he’d still want to be here.
He’d still want to be here, and most of the time, it seems like she probably would, too.
He can’t really tell anymore.
What they’re doing, exactly.
But he knows for sure that he never wants to stop.
Next week: GAME ON. This is what you train for. This is the Super Bowl. This is the Big Dance. This is the World Series.
This is the 100th Episode.
That’s pretty much all I even need to say about it. Go forth. Don’t freak out too much. You want to be coherent to watch this. You want to be able to concentrate. Remember that you’ve got only one shot at this, at seeing this for the first time. Don’t mess it up. Cause it’s going to be AWESOME.
And for next week’s episode, #100.
Now, you know I keep this spoiler-free, so don’t worry, you brave souls, who have somehow made it through this wretched Bones drought with your spoiler!virtue intact while others of us have turned ourselves over to its sin like whores in a cathouse. But I’m saying, here, now, that #100 is, I believe, the most anticipated Bones episode of all time. The media is in a frenzy, writing (glowing…no, really, IT’S ALMOST GROSS HOW MUCH THEY LIKE IT) reviews. Show has gone from the awkward, gawky freshman to the Prom Queen, but she’s still super smart, and super nice, and you just can’t help but like her.
For a heads up, next week’s recap is going to be a double-recap: #100 AND #1 (chock full of Notes from the FuturePast, after I’ve seen #100). We’re going to take a nice look forward, a look back, possibly waive our hands from side to side, side to side.
But for now.
For now.
(which seems to be a phrase I like a lot lately)
We’re going to focus on #99, The Bones on the Blue Line (I made a rhyme, just in time).
1. For the record, I am no longer on cough syrup. My face still feels like it’s filled with puddles, but yeah, none of this is inspired by better living through pharmacology.
2. It also needs to be said: the men really bring it in this episode. Sweets, Hodgins, Booth, you all kill me, at one point or another. You really do. The ladies, I love you. LOVE. But this one is all about the boys.
3. And there’s one of them now! Say it with me! Hi, Sweets!
4. Oh, look! Sweets got his own trench.
5. Um.
6. No.
7. Sweets. It’s…well, you tried. Right? You did try. It’s not your fault that you’re…and BOOTH is…look, you’re a cute kid. What am I saying; you’re my age (or a little younger?). I’m not hating. You ask me out, I’m THERE. So there. You’re a good, good guy.
8. But.
9. You cannot fill out a trench like Booth. Especially a black one. What the hell are you even doing with that shit?
10. Anyway.
11. Sweets is on the DC subway system, which I actually really like, except for the Q Street Station in Dupont Circle, because when I get on those long escalators to go down, I always feel like it’s leading me to my death and I’m about to be turned into Soylent Green.
12. I SWEAR I’m not on the cough syrup.
13. On the subway, Sweets sees a young guy crying. And being the Most Adorable Mid 20 Something Man In History (really, they do not make them like this, I have done research), he asks the guy, hey, what’s up? You okay?
14. And the guy is SO okay. He’s survived cancer, and he’s going to live life, and it’s going to be amazing and awesome and-
15. I want to say, I think this happens with Sweets a lot, and is part of why he became a psychologist. He’s willing to ask someone, hey, are you okay? And he’s willing to listen. He’s willing to be a nice guy, and look like he cares, because you know what? He really does care. Even about some guy he just met on the subway.
16. I really think this recap is going to turn into a love letter to Sweets, and given the murder victim, that might be appropriate.
17. (Also, does anyone else think it’s weird the kid got a text he doesn’t have cancer? Like, wouldn’t someone call him? Maybe after all that time, you become BFF with your doctor, and you would get a text? I’m saying; I find it interesting.)
18. And the wheels start turning in adorable Lancelot’s head.
19. Elsewhere in DC, B and B (YAY! Welcome back, B and B!) are with a STUNNING Japanese reporter. Really. She’s a bitch just for being alive, she’s so pretty. I feel certain that I would butcher the spelling of her name. So I’m calling her Super Pretty Lady, SPL for short.
20. I understand that it lacks the…pizzazz of some of my other nicknames for characters, but hey, they can’t all be homeruns. You’ve gotta pepper in some base hits, too.
21. Also, Brennan, love your dress, thanks.
22. SPL is there to interview Brennan about her new book! Brennan wrote another one, y’all! And it doesn’t have anything to do with night clubs or babies or people named Bren and Booth, and HH ARE WE JUST LETTING THAT PLOT STRAND DIE OR ARE WE EVER GOING TO FUCKING PICK IT UP AGAIN?
23. I think I need to rant.
24. Brennan sits there, watches Booth, for FOUR DAYS, unmoving, and she writes. She writes a book where they are in love, and they are married, and they are going to have a baby, and they are irrefutably them, so much so that when she reads it aloud to coma!Booth, it’s close enough that he wakes up all confused. Everyone knows about this book. Everyone.
25. And you’re telling me-
26. YOU’RE TELLING ME.
27. No one has called her out on this? Like, NO ONE?!
28. Sorry, but I’m calling bullshit.
29. B/B have some of the nosiest friends in history. They absolutely do not respect personal space, boundaries, or lines. They get all up in each other’s business. Clark is especially adept at pointing this out, as you may have noticed.
30. In summary: for the love of God, can we pick that up again, please? I think we need to go there. I do not feel I am alone in this.
31. SPL is talking with B/B, brining up (not for the last time) the similarities between Agent Andy and Booth (which he notes with clear smugness and satisfaction and please take off your clothes) when everything starts to rumble and shake.
32. NO, NOT LIKE THAT.
33. Even though, man, I…yeah. I’ll get to this in a minute.
34. I’ll also say this: as you may have seen, my boyfriend of five years and I broke up about a week and a half ago. I find, lately, that when you have been in a relationship that long, and then, you’re not…well, it makes you sad.
35. But.
36. BUT.
37. There’s also a world of possibilities.
38. Booth said that once, about being alone. That there was a world of possibilities. And he smiled at her, at Bones, and she smiled back, and maybe she understood…maybe she understood. Maybe he didn’t. He thinks about it, now, that they are both definitionally alone (Booth does not think the word “definitionally,” but he feels it, that’s Booth, feeling things), but are they, really? Can the way they act, the way they move, around each other, really be alone?
When you are that close - thatclose - to another human being, when you know their knock, the meaning of their smiles (one is tight, one is true, one is happy, and one’s for you), when you know the pace of their gait, and the interpretation of what they order for dinner, are you really alone anymore?
And how alone were you really to start with? If you spent so much time with that person?
39. Booth does the Boothy thing, talking about keeping people safe, and whatnot, and SPL is all, “That’s totes what Agent Andy would say.”
40. Andy is Booth. We know this. Brennan knows this, but NOT knows it? And adorable moments abound later about it? YES.
41. There’s an earthquake. Not what appears to be a particularly serious one - except for where t kills Sweets’s new friend on the train, and makes a dead body appear.
42. Sweets holds this young man, younger than him, I think, in his arms. Because Sweets is this kind of person. He’s the kind of person, who, even if he does not understand it, will be there for someone when it’s hard. He sees Booth, and Brennan, and he often thinks to himself, will I ever be like that? Will I ever be able to command a room, to command respect, to have so much command of myself that I will have the bravery (and that’s what it is; it’s bravery) to put someone’s happiness before my own?
He has that kind of bravery.
Of course he does.
He’s Sweets.
43. Booth and Brennan (plus SPL) show up at the scene, and Booth’s number one concern is Sweets. I freaking love this. SO. MUCH. Because it’s not that they have an investigation, or there’s been an earthquake. It’s not Brennan’s book, and the way it’s making his mind rumble, or the reporter, or even Bones. It’s Sweets. Right now, he cares the most about Sweets. Because Sweets is good, and kind, and smart, and damn, if he had a little brother like him…
If Parker grew up to be a kid like him…
He can’t imagine he wouldn’t wake up every day damn, DAMN proud.
44. TRENCH ALERT.
45. My God. That coat. And for the record, I want Brennan’s trench from this season, but it’s Burberry, so that’s a no. I have a friend - a rich friend - who has the trench, but it’s black. And gorgeous. There’s one at Banana Republic that I’ve resisted, but I don’t know, I’ve gotten a raise…anyway, this is why God made London Fog, and does anyone know who makes Booth’s trench? I need it. On a man. Of my choosing.
46. Because of the possibilities.
47. Back to the show….
48. Booth goes to talk to Sweets. Sweets totally tries to Dude Out about it, be all, like, I’m cool, don’t worry, totes fine. Booth’s not buying it, of course, and he’s worried about Sweets, and honestly? I really like that moment. It’s a good moment, for both of them.
49. Officer McKenna Grant…look, everybody! It’s Clea DuVall!
50. No, I didn’t know her name until I IMDB’d it.
51. But I did remember she was in The Faculty. Because I grew up in the 1990s (that’s going to be important…later. Much, much later. Not even…now. We’ll get there).
52. I don’t know if you remember The Faculty, but I do. And why? Because it was a Kevin Williamson project. And why do I care about Kevin Williamson? BECAUSE HE CREATED DAWSON’S CREEK, THE FIRST SEASON OF WHICH MORE OR LESS TAUGHT ME WHAT I THOUGHT MY LIFE WOULD BE, KTHX. Dawson’s Creek, to an overly verbose teenage girl with a penchant for making BFFs with boys, was, like, THE MOST AMAZING THING IN HISTORY. At the time. I may or may not have had a website in 1998, which got over 20K hits, which was like at least half of the people on the internet then. I might have written some truly horrid fanfiction, which I will never direct you to, and luckily, I think it’s all gone in the Purge of Geocities, thank heavens. I mean, it was bad. BAD. I-wouldn’t-wipe-my-ass-with-it bad.
53. And Dawson’s Creek was the reason I was introduced to Buffy, because the WB (do you remember the WB? OMG) paired them together. I watched the first two seasons for the first time over the summer AFTER the first season of Dawson’s Creek. It was, of course….
54. ….the first time I was ever introduced to DB. And watched as he did the whole mopey Angel to Angelus thing, and GOD. Anyway. So. Bringing it back around.
55. (the theme of this recap is tangents)
56. Brennan does her dooey on skeleton. SPL talks about how this could be an awesome opening for Brennan’s next book. Booth smiles adorably, politely, and hey, that’s better than what my grandmother would do, which would be to yell at SPL in slow, ridiculous English.
57. It’s the theme song, and we’re over 2K words. This recap will never end. GOD.
58. Back at the lab, the crew and Daisy-
59. HI, DAISY!
60. Look. She’s my favorite. I’m saying. She is. I’ve had to take her out of the pool of interns, because Daisy?
61. Is special.
62. Sweets knows it (and I called him asking her to marry him. Hart Hanson, I love you, but you so rarely fake me out anymore, because I do not trust you, because you are awesome and evil. I’m saying).
63. Daisy is way perky, and super - like, inappropriately - pumped about her job, and she and Dr. Brennan have gotten mega dorky (love you, Sweets) together before (“We will be on the cover of magazines!” “There will be parades!” or whatever it was they said). She is very, very honest. Her biggest deal is that she just wants to be liked, and when she chills out about that, she’s hard NOT to like. And the way she said, “Santa teeth,” in the Christmas ep this year…you guys. We all talk about VNM v. Wendell, but let’s face it: Daisy is the winner.
64. Also: Sweets made out with another girl. I think we’re just going to have to let this go. I know that’s not going to make you all happy, but there it is.
65. Anyway, we’re on the platform at the Jeff. Brennan is going on about rats v. weasels. Angela shows up - who we learn is “Amanda” in the books. Sweets comes by; he’s mostly being a total dude, trying to “do his job.” Daisy tries to comfort him, but Sweets doesn’t know how to handle it.
66. Brennan, in the most adorable move ever, says, “Booth told you to go home. He knows about things like this, Sweets.” Her complete reliance on him in this realm is just…well, she’s come a long way. Is what I’m saying.
67. They find blue pigment on the clavicle, so there’s a clue!
68. Hodgins drives Sweets home in the Mini Cooper. It would probably freak me out to drive by Hodgins in the car, what with the different side of the road thing. I’m saying, it’s weird for people in other cars. But I love that Cam just offered Hodgins up to be Sweets’s chauffeur. There was just no question that he would do it.
69. Sweets is freaking out - calmly, you’ve got to give him that - about mortality. Hodgins, for his part, is really being pretty supportive. I like this episode a lot because you get to see just how much these people care about Sweets. They all see him as a dorky younger brother, and don’t give him probably all of the respect he deserves, but they do really, really care, and that matters more than anything.
70. SPL and Amanda - sorry, ANGELA - get chatty in Brennan’s office. I must say, I find it curious that Amanda and Agent Andy have gotten jiggy in the books (and what is this “Agent Andy” shit? Is he like “Ranger Rick” or “Captain Kangaroo”? It makes is sound like Andy should be cuddling bears and stopping forest fires instead of solving murders and having, apparently, a shitton of sex). I want to know in which book that happened, and if those times coincide with times when Brennan perhaps felt too close to Booth, so pushed his fictional surrogate off on Amanda.
71. I realize that is pretty much as dorky a question as asking for Captain James T. Kirk’s entire family tree for 20 generations, but I’m owning it.
72. SPL lays it out - Booth and Brennan = Andy and Kathy, so that must mean the real thing is having some incredible sex. Brennan sputters. I love seeing her so wildly uncomfortable.
73. Also, Angela slept with a Belgian prince. God.
74. Daisy has, it seems, found the appropriate method for kissing Brennan’s ass, but noting things from the book that can help in the investigation. I can’t say I’m shocked. Daisy, that’s why you’ve taken the top spot on the leaderboard.
75. Cam mostly looks like she’s trying not to barf.
76. Anyway, there’s a tooth in the guy’s eye. I understand that this is supposed to help people get their sight back. I don’t totally get how this works, so medical professionals, please extrapolate.
77. And we’re going hunting for rat poo! Hodgins looks at Daisy: “You seem to know your poop.” She looks so pleased. God help her.
78. In the tunnel, Daisy is talking about the book, and she mentions the NOTORIOUS page 187. Daisy informs us that she and Sweets…engaged in a “move that Agent Andy make,” and-
79. Wait a second.
80. WAIT A SECOND.
81. PROVEN: Daisy and Sweets totally role play as Booth and Brennan. Or at least as their surrogates. Knew it. KNEW IT.
82. Anyway, this move, whatever it is, was so delightful that the neighbors complained.
83. Um.
84. So.
85. That means….
86. Sweets was probably…
87. Uh.
88. Good at it? I’m saying. Oh, man. I’ve gotta move on from that. Got to.
89. They take lots of pictures, lalala, mothership of rat nests, Hodgins is super pumped, and really, who cares, because WHAT THE FUCK IS ON PAGE 187 I NEED TO KNOW.
90. Someone, stat, please twit to HH about it. ASAP.
91. We’ve got our victim - he’s a scribe. That’s awesome, and I totally like what they do with it.
92. Daisy is on high alert - it’s Bad Shit Happening to Nearly Fortunate People Day, and she’s not liking it one bit. Cam calls it all “ironic,” and Daisy? You know what? Good for you. That fucking Alannis Morriset song isn’t ironic, either. Also, while we’re getting technical, “impacted” is not a verb. It’s not. At least not the way a lot of people are using it. I’m telling you. I realize that society as a whole has decided to let it be a verb and use it constantly and that I’m going to eventually be overruled about this, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. It doesn’t.
93. Tangent alert! Drink!
94. At Founding Fathers, SPL and Brennan go back and forth about Andy and Booth:
Brennan: Because Andy isn’t Booth. Why does everyone think that?
SPL: Booth thinks so. He says they’re both mega hot and brave. Duh.
Brennan: Booth is wrong.
SPL: You don’t think he’s attractive.
Brennan: (uncomfortable…again. SPL, COME ANY TIME) I think his symmetry is pleasing. Yes. (That’s Brennanese for “Booth is built like a god.” I’m just guessing.)
Then Brennan tries to tell us that she only includes the sex to denote the passage of time. I don’t know what the fuck to even do with you anymore, Brennan. Dammit.
95. At the lab, Hodgins finally can’t take it anymore, and checks out page 187. LIKE I WISH I COULD. His cockiness, upon reading it, rivals Booth’s, for as we learn, his mastery of some certain skill, OF WHICH WE ARE AT NO POINT APPRISED WOULD IT KILL YOU TO PUT IT ON THE WEBSITE, has been memorialized in an extremely popular novel, and people are, like, trying his shit out. It’s a man’s dream come true.
96. Angela: “Page 187. I’m not reading the sparky bits aloud to you.”
97. From now on, I’m calling all dirty things “sparky bits.” LOVE IT.
98. Hodgins: “That’s that thing that I do. Nobody else does that thing. It’s my thing, that I do….oh well. You know I’ve got other things that I do. You should only sleep with guys who can’t read. Because otherwise, you’ll never be rid of me.”
99. OH. MY. GOD. How hot was that? Seriously. On a scale of 1 to hot, that was ENFUEGO.
100. Angela thinks so, too. You know it.
101. In the bone room, Daisy tells Brennan that she’s worried about Sweets, which Brennan doesn’t actually smack her down for. I appreciate it. They figure out some stuff with pitting on the skull, and do you notice that I usually gloss over the clues and stuff? Yeah. I don’t care about them. At all, really. The clues are just another chance for me to get to something to freak out over.
102. At Hoover, Booth talks to the victim’s writing partner. Apparently, writing letters is pretty decent money. $250 a page for legalese!? Crap. Maybe I’m in the wrong profession.
103. Booth - looking REALLY hot…I mean, my God, he takes that jacket off, and there’s just his shirt, and…it’s hot again. People. Hot.
104. Anyway, Booth is looking at the letters, and Sweets is still internalizing his freak out. Booth tries to get Sweets to look at the guy in the subway’s death in a more positive way - that they guy died happy. Sweets tells him that it all feels like a message, and we get this:
105. Booth: “Live life to the fullest. People should do that more often, moment to moment, day to day, but they don’t.”
106. He should.
He really should.
He tells himself, all the time, that he is lucky. He has a beautiful son, a satisfying job, a good life.
A good life.
He should be happy.
But he’s not.
She smiles at him, and it used to feel like…it used to feel good. So, so good.
But good’s not enough.
Not when she smiles at him, and it makes him intake breath, not quick, but in that way that slowly but strongly fills his chest. His heart does not beat faster, but somehow with more purpose, if that makes any sort of sense. She pushes back her hair, and his hand grabs the back of his neck, rubbing away an imaginary strain, maybe the strain it’s taking on him not to just reach out, not to just reach out….
It’s taking a strain.
And that’s why he’s good.
But he’s not good.
Because he knows great is right in front of him.
If he would only stop thinking about tomorrow, or an hour from now, and just live in the moment.
He fears that he never, ever will.
107. Sweets says, which shock, “It’s a death threat!” Congrats, Sweets. You get the Captain Obvious Award for this episode. You don’t get a trophy, but you do get my world-famous eyeroll. My mother can tell you; it’s outstanding.
108. At the Jeff, Hodgins have put together a Rat Poop Timeline. Cam: “Now I’m in a 6th Grade science fair.”
109. That pretty much sums it up. Also, total props to TJ Thyne for being able to seem so stoked about rat poop. Cam dubs him “King of the Lab,” then attempts to slap him back down.
110. Yeah, Cam. You had to know that wasn’t going to work.
111. Booth interrogates a guy, and I have to say, I like this guy’s level of pissed off. He doesn’t give a SHIT. Not one hot shit. He’s hilarious. But he didn’t kill the guy.
112. Brennan waxes poetic to SPL about forensic anthropology, but SPL, to her credit, isn’t having it. Cause she too, it seems, has read page 187. Here’s a somewhat revealing conversation:
SPL: Why did it take so long for Dr. Reichs to have sex with Agent Andy? (and I’m also confused - don’t we get confirmation early in the first season that there’s a scene where Andy and Kathy are gettin’ busy in the back of a car? You give me answers, Hart, and I just end up with more questions)
Brennan: Stable isotopes blah science blah
SPL: Will she ever tell Andy about her affair with Ryan? (I haven’t read the books, like the real ones, but there’s Ryan and Andy, right? Like, Temperance works with both of them at different times?)
Brennan: That was inconsequential fluff, SPL.
SPL: It’s why they fight in chapter 6.
Brennan: That’s when they identify the lotus somethingish.
SPL: That’s when their passion is released.
Brennan: That shit don’t mean shit.
SPL: That shit is THE shit.
And Brennan can’t handle it, so who does she turn to? BOOTH.
113. Brennan reveals that Angela helps Brennan write the…steamier parts of the books. Booth: “Page 187?” (asked in that…tone he has. The sexy, I’m-talking-about-something-naughty-but-I-like-it tone) Brennan: “Angela. Though, I am anxious to try it.”
114. OH CHRIST.
115. The looks on their faces…the looks on their faces. She’s got this sort of…I can’t even describe it - but the look on her face? It’s. It’s a LOOK. That is INTERESTED. And Booth…God help him. You can tell in the 2.2 seconds between her walking to the door and his moving, that, in his mind, he’s tried it, with her, and he’d like to try it for real. I mean, he probably already tried it in his head when he read it, but now, he knows that she hasn’t done it, so then there’s the whole idea that THEY COULD REALLY, REALLY TRY IT TOGETHER, and all he can say is, “Really?” Like when she said she liked “good boys” in “Dwarf in the Ditch.” Booth is a willing subject for your…trying, Brennan. You should take him up on it. Please. Because the rest of us would like to, but he only wants to try with you, dammit.
116. At the Jeffersonian, Sweets figures out that the victim wrote some letters that were clearly from his prospective, and that he must have been in love with someone. Daisy comes in - she’s been looking for him all over the place. You can tell; she’s really, really worried, and she wants to help. What you’ve got to learn, Daisy, is that sometimes, you have to just let guys work through it. When they really want to talk to you, they will, as long as you’ve let them know that they can. Sweets brushes her off, and my heart really goes out to her.
117. Angela tries to talk to him about it, but you know that thing I just talked about? How sometimes, you just have to let guys work through it? Angela understands that.
118. They do some wacky webcam business, and honestly, I don’t feel like that’s really legal, but whatever. SUSPECT!
119. Angela drives Daisy around - they all have heard her sighing and moaning, and the person with the highest tolerance for such activity, Angela is assigned the task of dealing with Daisy. You need a raise, Angela.
120. HOW AWKWARD IS IT WHEN SHOW TRIES TO SELL ME STUFF?! It’s so awkward. You know they’re in the writers’ room, and someone’s like, “What the fuck, why did I get the assignment to write the Toyota plug for this episode?” And there’s like some sort of pool/betting/trading action going on: “I’ll give you my tickets to the Lakers’ game if I don’t have to write that stupid fucking bit.”
121. And.
122. Oh, no.
123. I’ve just minific’d the Bones writers’ room. This is a sign that I need mental help.
124. Daisy and Sweets talk about getting dumped, and how Daisy hasn’t ever been dumped. “Why would Lance break up with me?! I’m awesome!” LOVE YOU, DAISY! That’s one thing about the women on this show - they have got some serious confidence, and I LOVE IT.
125. In the interrogation room, Booth grills the new suspect, but I don’t really care. I’m bored with this mystery, honestly; I want to know what’s on page 187. And why isn’t Brennan in there? She hasn’t been interrogating all episode.
126. Booth calls Angela, highly and obviously distressed, and here’s why: Brennan’s writing those books? It’s got to have always been a sort of sign to him, that she’s got some deeper stuff going on there that she’s not talking about. The fact that Angela might have been the one behind that all along…it freaks him out. Hard core. Because if it’s all Angela, and it’s not Bones, then maybe there’s something he’s missed about Bones, and maybe he’s wrong about whether or not they might have some sort of chance…anyway. That’s why I think he’s so freaked.
127. I have some issues with this Angela-helps-with-the-steamy-parts thing, but upon reflection, I’m okay with it. I actually think it’s probably just like what Angela says - Brennan writes a book, Angela makes suggestions, and Brennan does the actual writing. I don’t think that Angela is creating all the characters, or the dialogue, or the feelings behind it. In my mind, Angela is just helping Brennan spice some things up. Maybe giving her a few outlines of a picture, and Brennan fills in the colors. And we can’t be surprised by this. Because, look, it took Booth to really open Brennan up, to make her see the world a bit more, and it’s always sort of been a mystery how Brennan wrote all of this intense relationship stuff. It makes sense she had a little help - but that’s all it is. A little help. That’s the way I’m choosing to interpret it, anyway.
128. Booth talks with Officer Grant and….zzzzzzzzzz. I don’t care. Most interesting bit: Grant started dating her ex-boyfriend after she arrested him. What the fuck.
129. At the Jeff, Angela and Hodgins have done some awesome collaborating with his science skillz and her big cool screen thingy skillz, and oh yeah, I haven’t forgotton-
130. IT’S EPISODE 15 AND WE STILL DON’T HAVE A STOOL FOR ANGELA.
131. But, at least now that Brennan gives her that money at the end of the episode, Angela could buy a stool? If she wanted?
132. Hodgins and Angela look totally pleased with themselves and each other….
133. Just like they probably did after doing that thing on page 187?
134. HEY-OH.
135. Daisy: “Hey, there are those photographs I took when I when with Dr. Hodgins to look at the rat poop!” She says it as if she’s saying, “Hey, there are those photographs from Spring Break last year!” or “Hey! There are those pictures from graduation!” She’s so pumped.
136. They all resist the urge to hit her. I give them credit.
137. Anyway, YAY! They found the murder scene!
138. Booth, Brennan, and SPL walk into a pawn shop, where Brennan exhibits frustration at not being able to carry a gun. Again. Booth ignores it. Again. Eddie, our pawn shop boyfriend person, reaches for the gun, and Booth gets Boothy, pulling out his gun (and this time, it really is his gun, not his penis, and we all feel sad).
139. But then less sad, because this happens.
SPL: That is very sexy. Big Andy with a gun, protecting Kathy.
Brennan: No, no, no. He is not Andy, and I am not Kathy….but it’s even more exciting when he shoots someone with it.
Booth: Bones.
Brennan: It is, Booth! And impressive; he never misses.
SPL: Andy sometimes misses.
Brennan: Yes. See?
140. You know what that says to me? Right there?
141. Andy’s not Booth.
142. Booth’s not Andy.
143. Because Brennan thinks Booth is better than Andy.
144. Booth pulls out the gun, and if she had to admit it (and there’s no one who’s going to make her, she’s not going to make herself), she would have to say that the entire act turns her on.
The confidence with which he does it, moving the gun quickly, but with control, his voice steady, his eyes narrowed…she has seen this a hundred times, and that’s not hyperbole, and it never fails to….
It never fails.
Just like Booth.
His aim is true. Always. He told her, not too long ago, that he was having trouble, then she went with him to his sharpshooter test, and he was perfect. She thought he was probably too hard on himself. He often holds himself to very high standards, which she appreciates, because she does the same.
She must admit; they are a very good match.
For work, of course.
Andy wouldn’t be a good match for her at all. For one, he sometimes misses. Not just targets, but clues. He is not as adept an investigator as Booth. He is not as determined, either, often distracted by romance, by his relationships with Amanda, or Kathy.
Booth is not distracted. Booth puts his job first (well, after Parker). Booth is focused. Booth doesn’t have time for the types of things that Andy-
Well. Booth just doesn’t have time for it. The job is paramount. Brennan respects it, because she is focused, too.
But when Booth’s standing there, his gun pulled, and he is protecting himself, but she also recognizes, he is protecting her, he is….
It becomes a little hard for Brennan to focus.
Because Booth is better than Andy.
Booth is so much better.
145. Also, Booth’s wearing pinstripes, and y’all…oooooh. It looks so, SO good.
146. Anyway, it turns out Eddie has blue-tipped ammo, causing Brennan to exclaim, “Got ya, dirt bag!” Oh my. Any time Brennan does stuff like that, I cringe. I do. It kills me. It’s so awkward, but so spot on.
147. Booth interrogates Eddie - again, without Brennan, what’s up with that? - and it turns out that Eddie didn’t do it, either. It also turns out that I still don’t care. But anyway.
148. Eddie gave Officer the gun that brought them together. That’s…sweet. Oh, man. Eeew.
149. Officer Grant comes to Hoover, where Brennan is FINALLY there to help. We get her confession, and the shoes thing is cool…but yeah. I really still don’t care. Show doesn’t care. I don’t mean to say that they don’t try to make the mystery interesting, or that it’s not usually interesting, but as I’ve said, Show cares about the people. They care about the players, not the game, if you will.
150. SPL is breezing out of town, still ridiculously beautiful, and I LOVE her bag. LOVE. She does tell Brennan: people shouldn’t take credit for what other people write.
151. Sweets gives the victim’s writing partner the letters that he likely wrote to her. Is it just me, or in the sides, was Booth telling the writing partner about this? That if he were the victim, that he’d want his partner to know? I think that would have some serious gravity for me, but it’s fine with Sweets. Because Sweets? IS ABOUT TO GET AWESOME.
152. Brennan breezes into Angela’s office with a check for an ungodly amount of money. Look, you can say a lot of things about Brennan, but she doesn’t horde her money. She’s not stingy. She went from an orphan to a very successful, very rich woman, and she really doesn’t give a shit about it - it’s just money. And Brennan’s all about doing what’s fair. So I like this scene quite a lot.
153. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.
154. I’m saying, I figured he’d ask her to marry him, but…oh, man.
155. It’s beautiful.
156. They’re in the bone room, which I really do think is a gorgeous room. Just amazing. All of those boxes of light, with lives inside of them, and maybe some people would find it depressing, that those boxes are all those lives have left, but they’re not. They don’t just have the boxes. They have an entire team of people who want to give them a name, a face, a voice. An entire team that wants to bring them back to life, and wants to get justice for that life. It’s really, really wonderful.
157. The way Sweets does this…it’s not fancy. It’s not great proclamations and flowers and glowing language. But it’s honest. And it’s sincere. It’s an act of living, affirmative living, that honors the thought of living life to the fullest, that honors the bones and lives that surround them in the boxes on the walls.
158. Daisy…oh, I just love Daisy’s reaction. That’s exactly what I’m going to do, if I’m ever asked to marry someone. Because it shouldn’t just be someone asking you, but it should be something you ask, to, something you ask each other, and no one should be down on one knee while the other stands, you should both be down there, together, because that’s what it’s all about, right? Being down there, together? Just a stunning scene, so well done.
159. Also, you know they did it right there on the floor after that, right? They so did.
160. At Brennan’s apartment, which they’ve tried to spruce up from the outside, I see (thanks, guys!), Booth knocks on her door. She’s in her robe, and it’s not one of those fluffy, comfy ones - this one’s just a little bit saucier. Booth is barely able to hide the fact that he TOALLY checks out her ass as Brennan closes the door and offers him Chinese food. He’d rather have scotch.
161. (Me, too, Booth. And for the record, I’ve developed a taste for scotch. Got called Robin Scherbatsky by a bartender last week. That was pretty much the highlight of my life.)
162. Booth tells Brennan that Eddie got Office Grant a lawyer, which they both seem surprised by (though I’m kind of eh about Booth’s reaction - I mean, come on? He gave her an engraved gun, and she liked it. These are not normal people). Then the topic goes to soulmates.
163. Oh, this is so pretty. I will just let you read it, then we’ll talk.
164. Brennan: Soulmates?
Booth: Soulmates.
Brennan: The idea of soulmates actually originated with Plato.
Booth: Yeah. You mean the, uh, clay that kids play with. (not just kids, Booth. Play-Do if fun for kids of all ages!)
Brennan: No, the…oh! You’re joking.
Booth: (with the most adorable face in the history of faces) Me, joking? No.
Brennan: No, the ancient Greek philosopher. His theory was that humans originally had four arms, four legs, and two faces. Zeus was threatened by their power, so he split them all in half. Condemning us all to spend our lives trying to complete ourselves.
Booth: I don’t believe that’s true.
Brennan: I agree; it’s ridiculous.
Booth: Right? Four arms, four heads?
Brennan: Two faces.
165. First of all, the first thing this reminded me of was Hedwig and the Angry Inch, a FANFUCKINGTASTIC rock musical, with the amazing song, “The Origin of Love,” which is all about this concept. It is incredible, and if you haven’t seen it…wow. See it. Go to youtube; surely the song is there.
166. But about this. The soulmates thing.
167. I, O’Brien, hate the idea of soulmates. The general idea is that they are incredibly romantic - one person we’re all meant to be with, blah blah blah - but I find it depressing. One person? Really? What if your one person is in Norway and you’re in Tibet. Well, you’re probably fucked. And I don’t like the idea of fate, or predestination, of anything that tells me that my life is not what I make it. I think people generally find soulmates comforting, but I just can’t.
168. And if Booth and Brennan are soulmates, if they are MEANT TO BE, then I think that diminishes their love story. Really. Because let’s be honest - they’ve had to work at this. If/when they get together, it’s going to be because there’s something so strong that they’ve built, something so real, and meaningful that they’ve worked for, that they have made the choice to do the thing that makes them happy, and that’s being together. I like far more the idea that you love who you choose, that, after the initial attraction, that you love the person who might drive you nuts sometimes, but you don’t really care that much, because you just LIKE them, and they feel the same way.
169. Because here’s the truth of this idea, within the context of this show. Booth and Brennan? Are not perfect for each other. They are not two puzzle pieces that slide easily together. Things are never going to be easy for them, but shit, who cares? Is something that’s really worth it ever easy? The love stories I like the best are the ones where people have issues, have problems, have quirks, but at the end of the day, they find another person who has all that stuff, too, and it makes it matter less. That’s more like life. Soulmates, in a lot of ways, seem too easy.
170. So, I think there are types of people you can be compatible with. And at some point, if you’re lucky, and if you’re ready (and sometimes when you’re not), you find another person who you fall into, and they fall into you, and you make a choice to take a chance. Because people are not always reliable, they change, they falter, but the biggest compliment you can pay anyone is to just believe in them anyway. And that’s really how I see Brennan and Booth.
171. That said, Plato’s description is beautiful. However, I don’t get why Booth isn’t pro-soulmate, because that would seem like his type of thing. He’s a fate guy. So is he just saying that because Brennan’s saying it? Or has he had a fundamental shift? I can’t really tell.
172. He can’t really tell.
What they’re doing, exactly.
Back up.
He knows they are sitting at her counter. They are sitting at her counter, drinking scotch, and she’s in her robe - Christ, help him - and they’re talking about soulmates-
They’re talking about soulmates.
He’s been having these conversations with her, for years now. About the things they believe in, and they things they don’t, and lately, he’s been so concerned with the way he thinks and the way she doesn’t, and maybe that’s all just….
Maybe he can’t tell.
Maybe it doesn’t matter.
She pours another glass of the scotch, and after the first one, the second doesn’t burn. This will be all they drink; scotch isn’t for amateurs, and two is enough, when he’s going to drive home after this, he is, and she’s going to take off her robe and slip into her bed, and she will sleep, he thinks, she will sleep, and dream, and so will he, and maybe it’ll all be about the same thing, because his dreams are lately all about the same thing, and the only dreams he remembers are the ones where they are together.
Like this.
(and a few where they try out page 187)
He used to believe in soulmates, in the hands of fate moving you toward another person, and who knows, maybe they did. Maybe they moved him to this kitchen, to this counter, to this glass of scotch. Maybe none of it was ever him, or her.
But he doesn’t like to think that, now. Because even if fate decided long ago that he was meant for someone else, he’d still want to be here.
He’d still want to be here, and most of the time, it seems like she probably would, too.
He can’t really tell anymore.
What they’re doing, exactly.
But he knows for sure that he never wants to stop.
Next week: GAME ON. This is what you train for. This is the Super Bowl. This is the Big Dance. This is the World Series.
This is the 100th Episode.
That’s pretty much all I even need to say about it. Go forth. Don’t freak out too much. You want to be coherent to watch this. You want to be able to concentrate. Remember that you’ve got only one shot at this, at seeing this for the first time. Don’t mess it up. Cause it’s going to be AWESOME.