[ILC04] Forgotten Impulses
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kyuwook
Genre: AU!Romance, Drama
Disclaimer: I don't own any SuJu member.
IL/Pairing Assigner: rssj1314 & shadowcrawler12
[Challenge][Y][FF] Summary: He doesn't understand his habits, he wish he knew his exact reasons for doing what he does. His friend is comforting and understanding when others aren't, encouraging feelings he isn't sure he should be feeling.
***
"What the... tell me you have an explanation for this and that it has nothing to do with red and white marks plastered all over your face."
Kyuhyun didn't bother to explain to his friend what had happened. He wasn't sure why he had it done it either, the compulsive need to commit vandalism was unwavering and as he looked at the walls behind him, he knew he needed help. He also knew that his friend wasn't just scolding him for that, but also for the broken pieces of glass on the ground. He admitted that he wasn't exactly balanced, his bandaged arm was exact proof of that.
He wondered how he survived most of his life, and he wished he knew how.
"Are you hurt?" Kyuhyun's eyes looked at the friend beside him, the friend who always came by and checked in on him with worried eyes.
"I'm fine." Kyuhyun said, his heart beating slightly, he noted this always happened around him too.
"That's good." Ryeowook said comfortingly, Kyuhyun shifted away from his stare. He wasn't uncomfortable, just nervous.
"He can't be doing things like this." His other friend said.
"You can't blame him, his mem-"
"Losing his memory was a horrible thing, but it's not an excuse." His friend sighed as he looked at the mess. "You can't keep making excuses for his actions."
Ryeowook pursed his lips, watching as the friend stalked out of the room. Kyuhyun felt guilty but somehow felt a bit nonchalant about it, as if he would usually brush off such words.
Ryeowook reached for a wipe and tried to clean the paint stains on his face. He flinched and tried to move away from his hand, when Ryeowook tried again, he reached and grabbed his wrist.
He felt Ryeowook stiffen in his grip, Kyuhyun immediately dropped his hand as he turned away.
Ryeowook awkwardly pulled back and turned towards the room, starting to clean up his mess. He felt even more guilt as he looked around at the damage he caused, and the person he had just pushed away.
"I'm sorry." Kyuhyun murmured weakly.
Ryeowook shook his head, assuming his apology was for the damage. "It's fine, back then you used to do this too. Just," He looked at the artwork on the walls. "They were usually darker."
"They ran out of the paints I wanted." Kyuhyun explained, Ryeowook chuckled.
"I see."
Kyuhyun continued to watch him, looking at the wall before him. When he first done this, Ryeowook was the only one amongst them who explained his actions, being the only friend who seemingly understood his reasons for doing so. Even his other odd habits, Ryeowook seemed to know. He was glad that his memory loss hadn't turned him away or disappointed him.
The accident had wiped clean his entire life, and despite his unchanging habits, he wondered often of the thoughts his old self had. And whether they felt the same as he did now.
He had felt indifferent when Ryeowook had first introduced himself, he felt indifferent to everyone who had. He wasn't sure what to feel for him, what to think or even his prior judgment. He was literally a clean slate and had to relearn his perceptions of everyone around him. With his constant presence however, Kyuhyun realized of his rapidly growing feelings for him. How his heart reacted, how his eyes continually looked out for him, holding back from displaying his emotions.
He was scared however as the questions plagued him.
Was it wrong to have these emotions?
Did his old self not feel this way?
Was Ryeowook only classified and meant to be a good friend?
He wanted to ask himself these questions, sadly he didn't know his own answers.
"I'll clean this up tomorrow." Ryeowook stated, the shards on the ground no longer there. "But not sure how I'll be able to clean that." He commented on the wall.
"I'm sorry." Kyuhyun repeated, Ryeowook smiled reassuringly.
"Its fine, I know you can't hold yourself back once you set your mind on something." He seemed to laugh at a former memory, one that Kyuhyun unfortunately didn't know.
Kyuhyun walked towards him, stopping in front of him as he eyed his own work as well.
"What type of food do you want to eat?" Ryeowook suddenly asked, Kyuhyun turned back and furrowed his eyebrows. He then realized he was actually hungry.
"How?" Kyuhyun asked, Ryeowook laughed.
"Every time you finish one of these, you're always asking for a meal right after." Ryeowook walked out of the abandoned room with Kyuhyun following behind him.
Once in the kitchen, Ryeowook handed him his plate of food. Kyuhyun noted how his egg was on top of his rice, unlike his plate that had it mixed it.
"Is this another habit of mine?" Kyuhyun asked, gesturing to his food. Ryeowook nodded. "I see." He poke at his food however, not taking a bite.
Ryeowook looked on worriedly. "Is something wrong?" He asked.
He wanted to avoid his eyes, to say nothing was wrong. This friend who was always concerned about him, he felt he shouldn't worry him, but he wanted to say it.
"I want to remember." Kyuhyun cleared his throat. He murmured. "I don't like not knowing things about myself when I know I should clearly know them."
Ryeowook reassured him with a smile. "You'll remember eventually."
"But people get mad at me when I don't remember. They look at me as if I chose this." Kyuhyun looked down. "I don't mean to."
Ryeowook walked around the counter and held him protectively, murmuring reassurances as he always did whenever he felt this way.
He wanted to be held this way, a thought loomed in his mind, reminding that he wanted no one else to be held in such a way.
Kyuhyun met his eyes and didn't return the smile offered to him.
Instead that smile faltered slightly when Kyuhyun had leaned forward and kissed him on the lips, unable to control his impulse. He was glad when he hadn't pulled away at all, instead remained still in his grasp.
Kyuhyun reluctantly stepped back and realized Ryeowook's crestfallen expression and grew concern.
Maybe it had been the wrong thing to do.
He didn't want to push him away. He was now afraid that what he had done might have done exactly that.
"I'm sorry." He said once again, "I couldn't... I couldn't help myself."
"I know."
Kyuhyun furrowed his eyebrows. "How would-" He stopped himself, hearing the words his friend had said earlier.
Was he simply excusing his actions again?
"If what I did was wrong, you should let me apologize." Kyuhyun stated. "You don't have to tell me what I did was alright if you weren't..."
"I didn't mind at all, I'm..." Ryeowook shook his head as he fidgeted with his hands. "I'm used to it actually."
Kyuhyun gave a puzzled expression.
"We were together." Ryeowook confessed quietly, his eyes saddened as he gave a hopeful smile. "Before the accident I mean, no one else knew about it though. We were the only ones who knew, but after the accident," He looked down. "It became just me."
Kyuhyun straightened, shifting his eyes as he watched Ryeowook continued to fidget his hands. Tilting his chin with his hand, "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
Ryeowook gave a weak smile. "Because I didn't want you to feel guilty."
He watched as Ryeowook's eyes lowered. "I didn't want to force our relationship on you, or those feelings."
He didn't restrain his compulsive need.
"This isn't by force." He murmured before pulling him in for another kiss.
It didn't feel awkward or different, it felt normal, as if he's done this often. Kyuhyun had held him possessively afterward, not wanting to let him go.
Ryeowook laughed as he allowed himself to be held. "You haven't changed." Ryeowook said, a smile on his lips as he closed his eyes. "I'm glad."
Kyuhyun swayed just slightly, he felt this action was familiar.
At that thought something broke free in his memory, an older memory.
Ryeowook was looking at a wall, similarly painted in the colors he had used earlier. He was happy as he jumped onto him. Kyuhyun focused on his memory when he realized what exactly was on that wall.
A confession to him, done in a fashion that became his trademark. He smiled as he looked down at him in his arms, pressing his lips lightly against his forehead. Saying a phrase that felt familiar, his memory was unable to tell him but he knew it as he said the words, the ones he'd always say in a possessive manner.
"You belong to me."
☆ rssj1314 's Kyuwook ☆
- ILC03 [ HenHae] ☆ ILC05 [ Hensung] --
A/N: Ahhhh, finished with all four challenges. I'm worried about the next set of four challenges, especially with which couples we may end up >>. Anticipating and worried, I'm ready >D If only classes didn't take up so much time....
Pairing: Kyuwook
Genre: AU!Romance, Drama
Disclaimer: I don't own any SuJu member.
IL/Pairing Assigner: rssj1314 & shadowcrawler12
[Challenge][Y][FF] Summary: He doesn't understand his habits, he wish he knew his exact reasons for doing what he does. His friend is comforting and understanding when others aren't, encouraging feelings he isn't sure he should be feeling.
***
"What the... tell me you have an explanation for this and that it has nothing to do with red and white marks plastered all over your face."
Kyuhyun didn't bother to explain to his friend what had happened. He wasn't sure why he had it done it either, the compulsive need to commit vandalism was unwavering and as he looked at the walls behind him, he knew he needed help. He also knew that his friend wasn't just scolding him for that, but also for the broken pieces of glass on the ground. He admitted that he wasn't exactly balanced, his bandaged arm was exact proof of that.
He wondered how he survived most of his life, and he wished he knew how.
"Are you hurt?" Kyuhyun's eyes looked at the friend beside him, the friend who always came by and checked in on him with worried eyes.
"I'm fine." Kyuhyun said, his heart beating slightly, he noted this always happened around him too.
"That's good." Ryeowook said comfortingly, Kyuhyun shifted away from his stare. He wasn't uncomfortable, just nervous.
"He can't be doing things like this." His other friend said.
"You can't blame him, his mem-"
"Losing his memory was a horrible thing, but it's not an excuse." His friend sighed as he looked at the mess. "You can't keep making excuses for his actions."
Ryeowook pursed his lips, watching as the friend stalked out of the room. Kyuhyun felt guilty but somehow felt a bit nonchalant about it, as if he would usually brush off such words.
Ryeowook reached for a wipe and tried to clean the paint stains on his face. He flinched and tried to move away from his hand, when Ryeowook tried again, he reached and grabbed his wrist.
He felt Ryeowook stiffen in his grip, Kyuhyun immediately dropped his hand as he turned away.
Ryeowook awkwardly pulled back and turned towards the room, starting to clean up his mess. He felt even more guilt as he looked around at the damage he caused, and the person he had just pushed away.
"I'm sorry." Kyuhyun murmured weakly.
Ryeowook shook his head, assuming his apology was for the damage. "It's fine, back then you used to do this too. Just," He looked at the artwork on the walls. "They were usually darker."
"They ran out of the paints I wanted." Kyuhyun explained, Ryeowook chuckled.
"I see."
Kyuhyun continued to watch him, looking at the wall before him. When he first done this, Ryeowook was the only one amongst them who explained his actions, being the only friend who seemingly understood his reasons for doing so. Even his other odd habits, Ryeowook seemed to know. He was glad that his memory loss hadn't turned him away or disappointed him.
The accident had wiped clean his entire life, and despite his unchanging habits, he wondered often of the thoughts his old self had. And whether they felt the same as he did now.
He had felt indifferent when Ryeowook had first introduced himself, he felt indifferent to everyone who had. He wasn't sure what to feel for him, what to think or even his prior judgment. He was literally a clean slate and had to relearn his perceptions of everyone around him. With his constant presence however, Kyuhyun realized of his rapidly growing feelings for him. How his heart reacted, how his eyes continually looked out for him, holding back from displaying his emotions.
He was scared however as the questions plagued him.
Was it wrong to have these emotions?
Did his old self not feel this way?
Was Ryeowook only classified and meant to be a good friend?
He wanted to ask himself these questions, sadly he didn't know his own answers.
"I'll clean this up tomorrow." Ryeowook stated, the shards on the ground no longer there. "But not sure how I'll be able to clean that." He commented on the wall.
"I'm sorry." Kyuhyun repeated, Ryeowook smiled reassuringly.
"Its fine, I know you can't hold yourself back once you set your mind on something." He seemed to laugh at a former memory, one that Kyuhyun unfortunately didn't know.
Kyuhyun walked towards him, stopping in front of him as he eyed his own work as well.
"What type of food do you want to eat?" Ryeowook suddenly asked, Kyuhyun turned back and furrowed his eyebrows. He then realized he was actually hungry.
"How?" Kyuhyun asked, Ryeowook laughed.
"Every time you finish one of these, you're always asking for a meal right after." Ryeowook walked out of the abandoned room with Kyuhyun following behind him.
Once in the kitchen, Ryeowook handed him his plate of food. Kyuhyun noted how his egg was on top of his rice, unlike his plate that had it mixed it.
"Is this another habit of mine?" Kyuhyun asked, gesturing to his food. Ryeowook nodded. "I see." He poke at his food however, not taking a bite.
Ryeowook looked on worriedly. "Is something wrong?" He asked.
He wanted to avoid his eyes, to say nothing was wrong. This friend who was always concerned about him, he felt he shouldn't worry him, but he wanted to say it.
"I want to remember." Kyuhyun cleared his throat. He murmured. "I don't like not knowing things about myself when I know I should clearly know them."
Ryeowook reassured him with a smile. "You'll remember eventually."
"But people get mad at me when I don't remember. They look at me as if I chose this." Kyuhyun looked down. "I don't mean to."
Ryeowook walked around the counter and held him protectively, murmuring reassurances as he always did whenever he felt this way.
He wanted to be held this way, a thought loomed in his mind, reminding that he wanted no one else to be held in such a way.
Kyuhyun met his eyes and didn't return the smile offered to him.
Instead that smile faltered slightly when Kyuhyun had leaned forward and kissed him on the lips, unable to control his impulse. He was glad when he hadn't pulled away at all, instead remained still in his grasp.
Kyuhyun reluctantly stepped back and realized Ryeowook's crestfallen expression and grew concern.
Maybe it had been the wrong thing to do.
He didn't want to push him away. He was now afraid that what he had done might have done exactly that.
"I'm sorry." He said once again, "I couldn't... I couldn't help myself."
"I know."
Kyuhyun furrowed his eyebrows. "How would-" He stopped himself, hearing the words his friend had said earlier.
Was he simply excusing his actions again?
"If what I did was wrong, you should let me apologize." Kyuhyun stated. "You don't have to tell me what I did was alright if you weren't..."
"I didn't mind at all, I'm..." Ryeowook shook his head as he fidgeted with his hands. "I'm used to it actually."
Kyuhyun gave a puzzled expression.
"We were together." Ryeowook confessed quietly, his eyes saddened as he gave a hopeful smile. "Before the accident I mean, no one else knew about it though. We were the only ones who knew, but after the accident," He looked down. "It became just me."
Kyuhyun straightened, shifting his eyes as he watched Ryeowook continued to fidget his hands. Tilting his chin with his hand, "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
Ryeowook gave a weak smile. "Because I didn't want you to feel guilty."
He watched as Ryeowook's eyes lowered. "I didn't want to force our relationship on you, or those feelings."
He didn't restrain his compulsive need.
"This isn't by force." He murmured before pulling him in for another kiss.
It didn't feel awkward or different, it felt normal, as if he's done this often. Kyuhyun had held him possessively afterward, not wanting to let him go.
Ryeowook laughed as he allowed himself to be held. "You haven't changed." Ryeowook said, a smile on his lips as he closed his eyes. "I'm glad."
Kyuhyun swayed just slightly, he felt this action was familiar.
At that thought something broke free in his memory, an older memory.
Ryeowook was looking at a wall, similarly painted in the colors he had used earlier. He was happy as he jumped onto him. Kyuhyun focused on his memory when he realized what exactly was on that wall.
A confession to him, done in a fashion that became his trademark. He smiled as he looked down at him in his arms, pressing his lips lightly against his forehead. Saying a phrase that felt familiar, his memory was unable to tell him but he knew it as he said the words, the ones he'd always say in a possessive manner.
"You belong to me."
☆ rssj1314 's Kyuwook ☆
- ILC03 [ HenHae] ☆ ILC05 [ Hensung] --
A/N: Ahhhh, finished with all four challenges. I'm worried about the next set of four challenges, especially with which couples we may end up >>. Anticipating and worried, I'm ready >D If only classes didn't take up so much time....