Learning Curve (5/?)
Title: Learning Curve (5/?)
Author: Nytel
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Up to 408
Pairing: Ronon/Keller
Genre: Pre-Relationship, friendship
Summary: Jen gets some private self-defense lessons
Word Count: 4,655
Beta:
carpenyx
Disclaimer: I am merely borrowing them. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 5
Ronon kept a watchful eye on Jen for the next ten days, or at least as much as he could given that she was holed up in the infirmary the majority of the time. On the outside she looked like she was holding up okay, but he wondered if she really was. There were times he caught glimpses of something beneath the surface that made him worry. Of course he could be imagining it, or simply confusing it with the exhaustion; he had no doubt that once this was over she would probably sleep for two days straight. However, he supposed that all things considered, she was doing alright.
Though in spite of his observation, he still snuck into the infirmary every chance he had to check up on her. He wondered if she was becoming fed up with seeing him yet, but each time he went she made the time to talk for a few minutes before excusing herself to get back to work. When he could he convinced her to eat meals with him, but it had only happened a few times. She was usually too busy to leave for more than ten or so minutes, and when that was the case he made sure to bring food to her. He knew her well now, and she had a tendency to focus fully on her work and forget everything else, including taking care of herself.
The new doctors had arrived the day before, and things were becoming even crazier. Ronon peered through one of the infirmary entrances and saw the group of them huddled around Jen as she explained some Atlantean medical scanning device. Every single one of the new doctors was bubbling with questions about it. The younger ones seemed to be utterly fascinated by it, whereas the older ones seemed more than a little skeptical. Jen took the time to answer all questions in turn, and Ronon was amazed at her patience. If it were him he probably would shot one of them already just for pestering so much.
Ronon turned and headed down the hallway, sighing as he did so. He’d been planning on asking Jen to come eat with him, but seeing as she was in the middle of some orientation lesson, he knew it wouldn’t happen. He supposed he’d just have to come back in a couple of hours and try again, but he had no idea what he would do in the mean time. In fact, he had no idea what he’d done to keep busy before Jen and him had started spending time together. He had found himself increasingly bored these last few days, especially with their lack of lessons.
Itching with restlessness, Ronon broke into a moderate paced jog. He needed to relax, and one thing that always helped was running. He would do two, maybe three laps of his route, the same one he’d run with Jen. It should be enough to restore some calm. And after, if Jen still wasn’t finished, he’d go and see Sheppard. He had been talking about lending Ronon some movies to watch on the laptop John had given him. It wasn’t necessarily Ronon’s ideal way of spending the evening, but it would be better than sitting around doing nothing.
***
Jen let out an inward sigh of frustration as she answered what seemed like the millionth question of the day, and who knew, maybe she had passed the one million mark. The new group of doctors were exceptionally bright and inquisitive, great traits, but it made orientation a huge pain in the ass for her. Briefly glancing up at the clock on the wall she saw that they’d been at this for six hours straight, minus the two twenty minute rest breaks she’d issued. For them it probably wasn’t too bad. All they had to do was stand around listening, and of course ask questions non-stop. She on the other hand had been on her feet since nearly five o’clock this morning, a full four hours before the group of new doctors had arrived in the infirmary for the day.
The implementation of the medical department expansion, as well as the arrival and required training of the new staff were taking a heavy toll on her. There had been several times in the past week when it had taken every ounce of her effort to maintain her composure and not break down into a fit of tears. She wanted to, more than anything, but she wasn’t the only person being affected by this. Her colleagues were under just as much pressure as she was, and she refused to let them see her fall apart, especially since she was supposed to be setting the example, not the other way around. And now with the new doctors here, well, she’d just say that breaking down in front of them wasn’t going to give them the best impression of their new boss.
She thought she’d done pretty well at hiding things, even from Ronon. Whenever he came in to check on her, which was quite often, she made sure to appear especially collected. She felt bad enough from the previous time she’d started stressing out and he’d had to save her. The last thing she wanted was for him to have to put up with that again. Not only was it embarrassing, but she also hated coming across as such a weak person.
Jen concluded what she was telling the group and walked across the infirmary, ready to introduce them to yet another piece of Atlantean technology they used frequently. She had barely started talking when a page came in over the radio.
“Medical team to the Gate Room immediately!”
The response to those words had been drilled into her over and over again. She stopped what she was saying mid sentence and ran toward the supply area while shouting out orders at some of her ‘old’ staff. In thirty seconds, probably less, a group of three doctors plus herself were sprinting for the nearest transport chamber that would get them to the Gate Room, leaving everyone else behind without a second thought.
When they made it there they saw one member of the expedition lying on the floor in front of the gate, unconscious and bleeding heavily. Major Lorne was kneeling over the man, doing his best to stem the blood loss with what he had. Colonel Carter was hovering nearby, trying to question Lorne at the same time.
“What happened?” Jen demanded as she dropped to her knees beside Lorne and… Lieutenant Roltan, if she remembered correctly.
“We were ambushed,” Lorne said in a shaky voice as he moved his hands off the stomach wound, so that Dr. Melsen could take over. “They had some weird kind of guns. Never seen anything like it. He was only shot once, but …” He didn’t need to finish the sentence, Jen knew. It looked as if this man had been put in front of a firing squad, not a single gunman.
“Let’s lift him up,” she said to Lorne, indicating one of the gurneys they’d brought with them.
Lorne took the lieutenant’s feet and she took his shoulders. With some effort they transferred him onto the stretcher while Dr. Melsen maintained the pressure on the wound.
Bumping the button on her radio, Jen spoke. “Dr. Waterton, I need the OR prepped and ready stat.”
“Is he going to be alright?” Lorne asked worriedly as they began to move as fast as they could safely towards the infirmary.
Jen ignored him and hurried off with the rest of the medical team, pulling out a syringe filled with sedative from a med kit as she went. She gave Lieutenant Roltan a dose while her mind was already ahead of itself, planning the upcoming surgery.
When they made it back to the infirmary they were greeted by a crowd of people, one that Jen had completely forgotten about. “Move,” she yelled at the new staff, having no patience left to deal with them. Some complied, but many jumped forward, eagerly trying to help. “Get the hell out of my way!” She screamed, letting her anger get the better of her.
It seemed to do the trick, as everyone, even her old co-workers fell silent and moved to the side to let them pass. If she wasn’t so worried about this man’s life, she would have been disgusted with herself, but she had no time to think about it, only act. The lieutenant was losing blood at an alarming rate, one she knew he couldn’t keep up for much longer. She checked his dog tag for his blood type and then ordered one of the nearby nurses to get three units of blood and have more on standby. Letting the other doctors get him into the OR and prepped for surgery, she rushed off to scrub in, knowing that the clock was ticking.
The surgery was one of the hardest she’d ever done. Every time she thought she had managed to stop the internal bleeding, it would start again. And the damage the bullet had done… she’d never seen anything like it. The amount of complicated repair work needed astounded her. In the five hours it took to complete the surgery the lieutenant had flat lined three times, twice they’d barely been able to get his heart beating again.
By the time she finished the last stitch she was well past her normal breaking point. The stress of the past few weeks combined with lack of sleep and no free time had put her damn close. Being placed in a tense high-stress situation, where she was the only thing standing between a man and his death had pushed her past.
“We’re done,” she told the other doctors in the OR, her voice flat and barely audible. Keep it together for just a few more seconds, Jen.
She saw how they were looking at her, with so much hesitation, but she ignored it. Without further thought she stripped off her gloves, mask and gown, throwing them into the nearest medical waste bin. Moving quickly, she left the OR, washed her hands, and headed back into the main part of the infirmary, towards the exit.
The group of doctors, old and new had been keeping themselves busy, but stopped when she entered the room. The wave of self-hatred hit her hard when she stared at their faces, half shocked and half anxious. But she ignored it, and them, speaking only to one of the most senior staff members. “Dr. Waterton, I need you to take charge of things for a while.”
The older woman nodded. “Of course. Are you-?”
“I’ll be back in a few minutes. I just need some fresh air,” she lied. “And you can dismiss the orientation group. We’ll continue in the morning.”
Dr. Waterton nodded and Jen headed for the exit. She had to force herself not to run out of there, instead only quickening her pace slightly. However, once she was in the hallway she couldn’t hold back anymore and broke into a sprint, heading for the nearest balcony. Tears burned in the back of her eyes and she was unable to keep them in.
When she broke through the door onto the balcony, she gulped in deep breaths of the night air as all her control unraveled. Tears obscured her vision so badly she could barely see, but somehow she found her way to the far corner of the railing, hidden in the shadows, and leaned against it as sobs wracked her body. She rested her head against her forearms on top of the railing and kept on crying. She could feel her entire body shaking, and she could barely breathe, but she couldn’t seem to stop. All her body wanted to do was cry and she was completely powerless to stop it.
***
Ronon had been running when he heard the call go out over the wireless system for a medical team. Whoever had made the call had sounded extremely worried, meaning only one thing: it was bad. How bad he didn’t know, but bad enough. It had taken a lot of effort not to simply turn around and run back to the infirmary, but he knew that his presence was unnecessary, and if anything would hinder things. He’d finished his lap of the route before giving in and heading back there.
Poking his head through the door, he’d seen several people working, but he’d also caught sight of Major Lorne and two marines crowded near the door to the operating room, looking nervous. Dr. Waterton had seen him and simply said, “She’s in there.”
He had nodded and left, deciding to check back every so often until Jen was out of surgery. He didn’t know why, but he felt the need to be there. At the very least she would need a break after this, and he would make sure she took one.
He was on his way back to the infirmary for the twelfth time that evening, almost there, when he heard a noise coming from outside on one of the balconies. Peering out the glass door he couldn’t see anything, but then half of it was hidden in shadow. Tentatively he stepped outside when the noise didn’t cease. The door closed behind him and it took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the dimmer light. Looking around he saw there was a lone figure on the far side of the balcony, leaning over the railing. As he began walking towards the person, he realized it was Jen, and that she was crying.
Concern hit him hard and he closed the distance between them quickly. “Jen,” he said quietly, placing one hand on her shaking shoulder.
She jumped, standing upright and nearly bumping into him as she did so. He instantly noticed that her face was wet with tears, but that there were also dried tears on her cheeks, making him wonder how long she’d been out here. It took her a second to register who it was.
“Ronon,” she managed to force out between heaving breaths.
Sick with worry he had to ask, “What’s wrong?”
She tried to answer, but all that came out were sobs.
He stepped closer, raising one hand to tenderly cup her cheek. “Jen?”
The next thing he knew she had flung herself at him. His arms automatically wrapped around her, holding her close while her hands clutched at the back of his shirt desperately. She buried her face in against his chest and words suddenly began spilling out between sobs.
“Such a failure…Should just quit…”
Ronon felt tears building in his own eyes, and he held her even closer. “You’re not a failure,” he stated, while trying to keep his voice soft.
“Yes. I am.”
“No.”
“Yes…You don’t know…what happened.”
“Tell me,” he prompted softly, knowing that if she didn’t he wouldn’t know how to make it better for her.
And she did, speaking in fragmented sentences, punctuated by heaving breaths, all the while the tears still flowing. She told him about how she’d been barely able to hold herself together these past few days, how close she’d come to breaking down before, and lastly about the past few hours. She explained about Lieutenant Roltan, and how she’d lost her temper with the rest of the doctors.
“I’m a…horrible person,” she concluded.
Ronon pressed his lips lightly against her forehead. “No. You’re not.” She didn’t respond, but clung a little tighter to him. He raised one hand and ran it over the back of her head soothingly. “Everyone has limits,” he said softly, whispering into her hair. “They’re not going to hold it against you.”
“They should.”
He shook his head. “No. Maybe it’s better this way. I know they think you have an unending supply of patience, but they need to know you’re human like the rest of us.”
Jen didn’t reply, and Ronon kept on stroking her hair while the rest of her tears finally died away. “You’re an amazing woman, Jen. Don’t ever forget that.”
***
Jen felt herself blush at Ronon’s words and was thankful he couldn’t see her face. His hand was moving lightly through her hair, and he was holding her closely. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been held like this, or at all, and she sank into the comfort of the embrace even more. Ronon seemed content to stay as he was, and she was more than happy to let him.
She had no idea how long they stood there, but it had to be several minutes at least. She didn’t want to move, but knew that she had to face the music so to speak. Slowly, reluctantly, she pulled away from Ronon. Keeping her eyes on the ground she spoke softly. “I should get back.”
Ronon tilted her head up with one hand, and she was touched by the concern she saw in his eyes. She gave him a shaky smile and the worry there lessened slightly, but it wasn’t gone.
“I’ll be okay,” she added quietly, and as she said the words she knew it was true. Although she hated breaking down like she just had, it was the relief she’d needed. It also certainly hadn’t hurt that she’d had someone there to comfort her, though she wished Ronon hadn’t had to witness all of her insecurities and doubts coming to the surface, like they always did at times like these.
“You sure?” He asked her softly.
She nodded. “Yeah. I really should get back.”
He reached up, using his thumb to wipe away the few remaining tears from under her eyes. “Okay.”
Jen opened her mouth to thank him, for everything, when she saw a lone figure walk past the door. It was Dr. Waterton, no doubt looking for her. “Sorry,” Jen said quickly, moving toward the door. “I gotta go.”
Ronon nodded, and as she reached the door, she heard him call out to her. “Jen. Don’t forget what I said.”
She blushed again and nodded before heading in.
After making it back to the infirmary, Jen apologized for her outburst. Her co-workers assured her that an apology wasn’t necessary, but she felt better having said it. Several of the senior staff offered to do the second, and last day of orientation in her place, but she turned them down, declaring she had it covered. It was tempting, but she knew that it was her job, and she owed it to the new personnel to finish it herself.
Thankfully most of the infirmary was already ‘shut down’ for the night, and it only took her and the remaining doctors fifteen or so minutes to do the rest. As she was working Jen couldn’t help but think about what had happened on the balcony with Ronon. The scene replayed itself over and over in her head, and she felt horrible about how she’d completely lost control like that, but also thankful that Ronon had been there to comfort her. Once she was done for the night she would go and apologize to him as well, and also thank him.
***
Ronon paced his room restlessly. He wished there was something he could do to help Jen out, anything. Unfortunately the more he thought about it, the more he knew he’d done all he could for the time being. It was somewhat of a relief knowing that soon this chaos with the medical department would be over, but it didn’t completely stop him from feeling like he needed to do something.
Frustrated and agitated, Ronon picked up the stack of DVDs that John had given him a few minutes earlier and looked through them, knowing he was too on edge to sleep. He had just decided on one about some prison train when the door chime sounded. He dropped the stash of movies on his bed and walked over to the door. When he opened it, he was surprised to see Jen standing there.
“Hey,” she said shyly.
“Hi,” he replied, quickly taking note of her appearance. She had just showered, and was obviously done for the night. Her eyes had dark marks underneath them from lack of sleep, and she looked exhausted, but most, if not all of the turmoil from earlier was gone. Still, he couldn’t help but ask, “Everything okay?”
She smiled weakly. “Yeah.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I just wanted to stop by and say sorry, for earlier.”
“You don’t have to-”
“I know, but still. And I also wanted to say thank you.” She stared at him intently. “Really, Ronon. Thank you.”
“Anytime,” he replied honestly. He stared back, unable to help himself. Once again he felt himself being drawn in, just like that first night in the gym.
Suddenly she looked away, breaking his gaze and the moment. “I should probably go,” she said as she shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.
“You could stay if you want.” Ronon coughed. “I mean, I, uh… I was going to watch a movie that Sheppard gave me. If you wanted …”
She smiled up at him. “That sounds good.”
Ronon stepped to the side and let her enter his room, finding himself distinctly conscious of the slight mess. “Sorry, it’s not that clean…”
Jen laughed lightly. “Don’t worry about it. Mine room’s about ten times worse right now.”
Relaxing Ronon walked over to the small table and grabbed the laptop, unplugging it before turning it on.
“So what are we watching?” Jen asked as she sat down on his bed, leaning her back against the headboard.
Ronon passed her the movie before sitting down next to her and placing the computer in the middle of the bed.
“3:10 To Yuma,” she read aloud.
“Yeah, but if you want to watch something else…” He pointed at the stack of movies on the end of the bed.
She was reading the back cover of the case, but shook her head. “No, this looks fine. Actually, someone told me it was really good.” She opened the case and passed him the disc.
They settled in to watch, both sitting up with legs stretched out in front of them. They were only about ten minutes into the movie when Jen let out a huge yawn. “Sorry,” she whispered.
Ronon glanced sideways at her. Her eyes were drooping shut and every once in a while her head would nod. “You’re tired,” he stated simply.
She yawned again. “Yeah.”
Ronon reached for the blanket at the foot of the bed and pulled it up, passing it to her. “Here.”
She smiled, but shook her head. “If you give me that I’m going to fall asleep.”
He spread the blanket over her. “It’s okay.”
She gave him a peculiar look, before giving in and wrapping the blanket fully around herself, so that it was tucked up underneath her chin. She pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned her head on his shoulder.
Ronon smiled and felt a surge of warmth pass through his body. Gently he moved his one arm so that it was wrapped around her shoulders. She responded by leaning more fully against his side, snuggling up next to him. In less than five minutes she was asleep.
***
When Jen woke up the next morning she was warm and comfortable. Pulling the blanket over her head, she buried her face in the pillow. It took her a few seconds to realize that it didn’t smell like her pillow-a mixture of her shampoo and perfume-it smelt masculine. Her head whipped up and her eyes flew open. She wasn’t in her room. There was the barest hint of sun coming in through the window, but her side of the city didn’t get direct sunlight until just after noon. Blinking her eyes rapidly, she surveyed the room. The moment her eyes fell on the chair near the window, she relaxed.
Ronon was stretched out in it, dead to the world. If she listened carefully she could hear his deep peaceful breaths of sleep.
She sat up slowly, trying to remember the night before. It didn’t take long for things to come back. Sighing, she rubbed her sleepy eyes with the palms of her hands. She probably shouldn’t have stayed to watch the movie, but the offer had been too tempting. Actually, she wasn’t even sure she’d made it much past the opening credits. Ronon had given her the blanket and after that… she didn’t remember anything.
Jen couldn’t help but smile as she looked at his sleeping form. The laptop and DVDs were stacked on the table, meaning he must have moved them. He must have also managed to tuck her in, unless of course he woke her up and got her to move, and she just didn’t remember it.
Not many people would believe it, but under the rough and gruff warrior exterior there was a kind and caring man, one that she’d been lucky enough to get to know. He was the best friend a girl could ask for. Jen knew of no one else who would put up with all the stuff he had, and then still take care of her at the end of the day. It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her, and thinking about it was almost enough to bring tears to her eyes.
Her thoughts were interrupted as her watch beeped once, timing the hour mark. Glancing at it, she saw it was five. Biting back a groan she threw off the warm covers and made her way to the door. She needed to be in the infirmary in less than an hour and she still had to change and eat breakfast.
She moved quietly, so as not to wake Ronon. After slipping on her shoes she waved her hand over the sensor, opening the door. When she stepped out into the hallway, she nearly ran into Teyla.
“Jen,” the other woman said, sounding more than a little surprised.
The door swooshed shut behind her, and Jen realized what Teyla must think. She rushed to clarify. “It’s not what it looks like.”
Teyla raised one eyebrow in question. She tilted her head down the hallway. “I’m heading for breakfast, would you care to join me?”
Jen followed her down the hall. When Teyla didn’t say anything in response to her previous comment, she repeated it. “It’s really not what it looks like. We were watching a movie last night, and I fell asleep, that’s all. We never…”
Teyla paused and looked Jen up and down with a scrutinizing gaze. “Would it be so bad if it were?”
Jen’s face scrunched slightly in confusion. “Huh?”
Teyla smiled. “If it was what it looked like. Would that be so bad?”
Jen felt her face warm considerably. “Well, um… I mean… Ronon’s a great guy, Teyla, but he would never be interested in someone like me.”
“In someone who is warm, caring, and who he loves spending time with?”
Jen’s face became even hotter. “We’re just friends.”
Teyla was still smiling. “For now, yes.”
“For always. Ronon’s so… and I’m just…” She struggled for the right words, but couldn’t find them.
Teyla placed a hand on her shoulder. “All I know is that I never seen Ronon happier than I have in these past few weeks. I know that it is because of you. And although he has not said anything to me, I would be very surprised if he did not feel something for you beyond friendship.” Teyla squeezed Jen’s shoulder lightly before letting her hand fall back down to her side. “Sometimes love can spring up when you least expect it. You need only be ready to embrace it.”
TBC
~~~
A/N: Sorry this chapter didn't get posted sooner. I was aiming to update yesterday, but things kind of got away from me. Lol. I'm not sure when chapter 6 will be up. Hopefully it won't be long, but real life kind of exploded on me today, so there could be a delay. I apoloize in advance it that turns out to be the case. :)
Previous Chapters
Author: Nytel
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Up to 408
Pairing: Ronon/Keller
Genre: Pre-Relationship, friendship
Summary: Jen gets some private self-defense lessons
Word Count: 4,655
Beta:
carpenyx
Disclaimer: I am merely borrowing them. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 5
Ronon kept a watchful eye on Jen for the next ten days, or at least as much as he could given that she was holed up in the infirmary the majority of the time. On the outside she looked like she was holding up okay, but he wondered if she really was. There were times he caught glimpses of something beneath the surface that made him worry. Of course he could be imagining it, or simply confusing it with the exhaustion; he had no doubt that once this was over she would probably sleep for two days straight. However, he supposed that all things considered, she was doing alright.
Though in spite of his observation, he still snuck into the infirmary every chance he had to check up on her. He wondered if she was becoming fed up with seeing him yet, but each time he went she made the time to talk for a few minutes before excusing herself to get back to work. When he could he convinced her to eat meals with him, but it had only happened a few times. She was usually too busy to leave for more than ten or so minutes, and when that was the case he made sure to bring food to her. He knew her well now, and she had a tendency to focus fully on her work and forget everything else, including taking care of herself.
The new doctors had arrived the day before, and things were becoming even crazier. Ronon peered through one of the infirmary entrances and saw the group of them huddled around Jen as she explained some Atlantean medical scanning device. Every single one of the new doctors was bubbling with questions about it. The younger ones seemed to be utterly fascinated by it, whereas the older ones seemed more than a little skeptical. Jen took the time to answer all questions in turn, and Ronon was amazed at her patience. If it were him he probably would shot one of them already just for pestering so much.
Ronon turned and headed down the hallway, sighing as he did so. He’d been planning on asking Jen to come eat with him, but seeing as she was in the middle of some orientation lesson, he knew it wouldn’t happen. He supposed he’d just have to come back in a couple of hours and try again, but he had no idea what he would do in the mean time. In fact, he had no idea what he’d done to keep busy before Jen and him had started spending time together. He had found himself increasingly bored these last few days, especially with their lack of lessons.
Itching with restlessness, Ronon broke into a moderate paced jog. He needed to relax, and one thing that always helped was running. He would do two, maybe three laps of his route, the same one he’d run with Jen. It should be enough to restore some calm. And after, if Jen still wasn’t finished, he’d go and see Sheppard. He had been talking about lending Ronon some movies to watch on the laptop John had given him. It wasn’t necessarily Ronon’s ideal way of spending the evening, but it would be better than sitting around doing nothing.
***
Jen let out an inward sigh of frustration as she answered what seemed like the millionth question of the day, and who knew, maybe she had passed the one million mark. The new group of doctors were exceptionally bright and inquisitive, great traits, but it made orientation a huge pain in the ass for her. Briefly glancing up at the clock on the wall she saw that they’d been at this for six hours straight, minus the two twenty minute rest breaks she’d issued. For them it probably wasn’t too bad. All they had to do was stand around listening, and of course ask questions non-stop. She on the other hand had been on her feet since nearly five o’clock this morning, a full four hours before the group of new doctors had arrived in the infirmary for the day.
The implementation of the medical department expansion, as well as the arrival and required training of the new staff were taking a heavy toll on her. There had been several times in the past week when it had taken every ounce of her effort to maintain her composure and not break down into a fit of tears. She wanted to, more than anything, but she wasn’t the only person being affected by this. Her colleagues were under just as much pressure as she was, and she refused to let them see her fall apart, especially since she was supposed to be setting the example, not the other way around. And now with the new doctors here, well, she’d just say that breaking down in front of them wasn’t going to give them the best impression of their new boss.
She thought she’d done pretty well at hiding things, even from Ronon. Whenever he came in to check on her, which was quite often, she made sure to appear especially collected. She felt bad enough from the previous time she’d started stressing out and he’d had to save her. The last thing she wanted was for him to have to put up with that again. Not only was it embarrassing, but she also hated coming across as such a weak person.
Jen concluded what she was telling the group and walked across the infirmary, ready to introduce them to yet another piece of Atlantean technology they used frequently. She had barely started talking when a page came in over the radio.
“Medical team to the Gate Room immediately!”
The response to those words had been drilled into her over and over again. She stopped what she was saying mid sentence and ran toward the supply area while shouting out orders at some of her ‘old’ staff. In thirty seconds, probably less, a group of three doctors plus herself were sprinting for the nearest transport chamber that would get them to the Gate Room, leaving everyone else behind without a second thought.
When they made it there they saw one member of the expedition lying on the floor in front of the gate, unconscious and bleeding heavily. Major Lorne was kneeling over the man, doing his best to stem the blood loss with what he had. Colonel Carter was hovering nearby, trying to question Lorne at the same time.
“What happened?” Jen demanded as she dropped to her knees beside Lorne and… Lieutenant Roltan, if she remembered correctly.
“We were ambushed,” Lorne said in a shaky voice as he moved his hands off the stomach wound, so that Dr. Melsen could take over. “They had some weird kind of guns. Never seen anything like it. He was only shot once, but …” He didn’t need to finish the sentence, Jen knew. It looked as if this man had been put in front of a firing squad, not a single gunman.
“Let’s lift him up,” she said to Lorne, indicating one of the gurneys they’d brought with them.
Lorne took the lieutenant’s feet and she took his shoulders. With some effort they transferred him onto the stretcher while Dr. Melsen maintained the pressure on the wound.
Bumping the button on her radio, Jen spoke. “Dr. Waterton, I need the OR prepped and ready stat.”
“Is he going to be alright?” Lorne asked worriedly as they began to move as fast as they could safely towards the infirmary.
Jen ignored him and hurried off with the rest of the medical team, pulling out a syringe filled with sedative from a med kit as she went. She gave Lieutenant Roltan a dose while her mind was already ahead of itself, planning the upcoming surgery.
When they made it back to the infirmary they were greeted by a crowd of people, one that Jen had completely forgotten about. “Move,” she yelled at the new staff, having no patience left to deal with them. Some complied, but many jumped forward, eagerly trying to help. “Get the hell out of my way!” She screamed, letting her anger get the better of her.
It seemed to do the trick, as everyone, even her old co-workers fell silent and moved to the side to let them pass. If she wasn’t so worried about this man’s life, she would have been disgusted with herself, but she had no time to think about it, only act. The lieutenant was losing blood at an alarming rate, one she knew he couldn’t keep up for much longer. She checked his dog tag for his blood type and then ordered one of the nearby nurses to get three units of blood and have more on standby. Letting the other doctors get him into the OR and prepped for surgery, she rushed off to scrub in, knowing that the clock was ticking.
The surgery was one of the hardest she’d ever done. Every time she thought she had managed to stop the internal bleeding, it would start again. And the damage the bullet had done… she’d never seen anything like it. The amount of complicated repair work needed astounded her. In the five hours it took to complete the surgery the lieutenant had flat lined three times, twice they’d barely been able to get his heart beating again.
By the time she finished the last stitch she was well past her normal breaking point. The stress of the past few weeks combined with lack of sleep and no free time had put her damn close. Being placed in a tense high-stress situation, where she was the only thing standing between a man and his death had pushed her past.
“We’re done,” she told the other doctors in the OR, her voice flat and barely audible. Keep it together for just a few more seconds, Jen.
She saw how they were looking at her, with so much hesitation, but she ignored it. Without further thought she stripped off her gloves, mask and gown, throwing them into the nearest medical waste bin. Moving quickly, she left the OR, washed her hands, and headed back into the main part of the infirmary, towards the exit.
The group of doctors, old and new had been keeping themselves busy, but stopped when she entered the room. The wave of self-hatred hit her hard when she stared at their faces, half shocked and half anxious. But she ignored it, and them, speaking only to one of the most senior staff members. “Dr. Waterton, I need you to take charge of things for a while.”
The older woman nodded. “Of course. Are you-?”
“I’ll be back in a few minutes. I just need some fresh air,” she lied. “And you can dismiss the orientation group. We’ll continue in the morning.”
Dr. Waterton nodded and Jen headed for the exit. She had to force herself not to run out of there, instead only quickening her pace slightly. However, once she was in the hallway she couldn’t hold back anymore and broke into a sprint, heading for the nearest balcony. Tears burned in the back of her eyes and she was unable to keep them in.
When she broke through the door onto the balcony, she gulped in deep breaths of the night air as all her control unraveled. Tears obscured her vision so badly she could barely see, but somehow she found her way to the far corner of the railing, hidden in the shadows, and leaned against it as sobs wracked her body. She rested her head against her forearms on top of the railing and kept on crying. She could feel her entire body shaking, and she could barely breathe, but she couldn’t seem to stop. All her body wanted to do was cry and she was completely powerless to stop it.
***
Ronon had been running when he heard the call go out over the wireless system for a medical team. Whoever had made the call had sounded extremely worried, meaning only one thing: it was bad. How bad he didn’t know, but bad enough. It had taken a lot of effort not to simply turn around and run back to the infirmary, but he knew that his presence was unnecessary, and if anything would hinder things. He’d finished his lap of the route before giving in and heading back there.
Poking his head through the door, he’d seen several people working, but he’d also caught sight of Major Lorne and two marines crowded near the door to the operating room, looking nervous. Dr. Waterton had seen him and simply said, “She’s in there.”
He had nodded and left, deciding to check back every so often until Jen was out of surgery. He didn’t know why, but he felt the need to be there. At the very least she would need a break after this, and he would make sure she took one.
He was on his way back to the infirmary for the twelfth time that evening, almost there, when he heard a noise coming from outside on one of the balconies. Peering out the glass door he couldn’t see anything, but then half of it was hidden in shadow. Tentatively he stepped outside when the noise didn’t cease. The door closed behind him and it took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the dimmer light. Looking around he saw there was a lone figure on the far side of the balcony, leaning over the railing. As he began walking towards the person, he realized it was Jen, and that she was crying.
Concern hit him hard and he closed the distance between them quickly. “Jen,” he said quietly, placing one hand on her shaking shoulder.
She jumped, standing upright and nearly bumping into him as she did so. He instantly noticed that her face was wet with tears, but that there were also dried tears on her cheeks, making him wonder how long she’d been out here. It took her a second to register who it was.
“Ronon,” she managed to force out between heaving breaths.
Sick with worry he had to ask, “What’s wrong?”
She tried to answer, but all that came out were sobs.
He stepped closer, raising one hand to tenderly cup her cheek. “Jen?”
The next thing he knew she had flung herself at him. His arms automatically wrapped around her, holding her close while her hands clutched at the back of his shirt desperately. She buried her face in against his chest and words suddenly began spilling out between sobs.
“Such a failure…Should just quit…”
Ronon felt tears building in his own eyes, and he held her even closer. “You’re not a failure,” he stated, while trying to keep his voice soft.
“Yes. I am.”
“No.”
“Yes…You don’t know…what happened.”
“Tell me,” he prompted softly, knowing that if she didn’t he wouldn’t know how to make it better for her.
And she did, speaking in fragmented sentences, punctuated by heaving breaths, all the while the tears still flowing. She told him about how she’d been barely able to hold herself together these past few days, how close she’d come to breaking down before, and lastly about the past few hours. She explained about Lieutenant Roltan, and how she’d lost her temper with the rest of the doctors.
“I’m a…horrible person,” she concluded.
Ronon pressed his lips lightly against her forehead. “No. You’re not.” She didn’t respond, but clung a little tighter to him. He raised one hand and ran it over the back of her head soothingly. “Everyone has limits,” he said softly, whispering into her hair. “They’re not going to hold it against you.”
“They should.”
He shook his head. “No. Maybe it’s better this way. I know they think you have an unending supply of patience, but they need to know you’re human like the rest of us.”
Jen didn’t reply, and Ronon kept on stroking her hair while the rest of her tears finally died away. “You’re an amazing woman, Jen. Don’t ever forget that.”
***
Jen felt herself blush at Ronon’s words and was thankful he couldn’t see her face. His hand was moving lightly through her hair, and he was holding her closely. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been held like this, or at all, and she sank into the comfort of the embrace even more. Ronon seemed content to stay as he was, and she was more than happy to let him.
She had no idea how long they stood there, but it had to be several minutes at least. She didn’t want to move, but knew that she had to face the music so to speak. Slowly, reluctantly, she pulled away from Ronon. Keeping her eyes on the ground she spoke softly. “I should get back.”
Ronon tilted her head up with one hand, and she was touched by the concern she saw in his eyes. She gave him a shaky smile and the worry there lessened slightly, but it wasn’t gone.
“I’ll be okay,” she added quietly, and as she said the words she knew it was true. Although she hated breaking down like she just had, it was the relief she’d needed. It also certainly hadn’t hurt that she’d had someone there to comfort her, though she wished Ronon hadn’t had to witness all of her insecurities and doubts coming to the surface, like they always did at times like these.
“You sure?” He asked her softly.
She nodded. “Yeah. I really should get back.”
He reached up, using his thumb to wipe away the few remaining tears from under her eyes. “Okay.”
Jen opened her mouth to thank him, for everything, when she saw a lone figure walk past the door. It was Dr. Waterton, no doubt looking for her. “Sorry,” Jen said quickly, moving toward the door. “I gotta go.”
Ronon nodded, and as she reached the door, she heard him call out to her. “Jen. Don’t forget what I said.”
She blushed again and nodded before heading in.
After making it back to the infirmary, Jen apologized for her outburst. Her co-workers assured her that an apology wasn’t necessary, but she felt better having said it. Several of the senior staff offered to do the second, and last day of orientation in her place, but she turned them down, declaring she had it covered. It was tempting, but she knew that it was her job, and she owed it to the new personnel to finish it herself.
Thankfully most of the infirmary was already ‘shut down’ for the night, and it only took her and the remaining doctors fifteen or so minutes to do the rest. As she was working Jen couldn’t help but think about what had happened on the balcony with Ronon. The scene replayed itself over and over in her head, and she felt horrible about how she’d completely lost control like that, but also thankful that Ronon had been there to comfort her. Once she was done for the night she would go and apologize to him as well, and also thank him.
***
Ronon paced his room restlessly. He wished there was something he could do to help Jen out, anything. Unfortunately the more he thought about it, the more he knew he’d done all he could for the time being. It was somewhat of a relief knowing that soon this chaos with the medical department would be over, but it didn’t completely stop him from feeling like he needed to do something.
Frustrated and agitated, Ronon picked up the stack of DVDs that John had given him a few minutes earlier and looked through them, knowing he was too on edge to sleep. He had just decided on one about some prison train when the door chime sounded. He dropped the stash of movies on his bed and walked over to the door. When he opened it, he was surprised to see Jen standing there.
“Hey,” she said shyly.
“Hi,” he replied, quickly taking note of her appearance. She had just showered, and was obviously done for the night. Her eyes had dark marks underneath them from lack of sleep, and she looked exhausted, but most, if not all of the turmoil from earlier was gone. Still, he couldn’t help but ask, “Everything okay?”
She smiled weakly. “Yeah.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I just wanted to stop by and say sorry, for earlier.”
“You don’t have to-”
“I know, but still. And I also wanted to say thank you.” She stared at him intently. “Really, Ronon. Thank you.”
“Anytime,” he replied honestly. He stared back, unable to help himself. Once again he felt himself being drawn in, just like that first night in the gym.
Suddenly she looked away, breaking his gaze and the moment. “I should probably go,” she said as she shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.
“You could stay if you want.” Ronon coughed. “I mean, I, uh… I was going to watch a movie that Sheppard gave me. If you wanted …”
She smiled up at him. “That sounds good.”
Ronon stepped to the side and let her enter his room, finding himself distinctly conscious of the slight mess. “Sorry, it’s not that clean…”
Jen laughed lightly. “Don’t worry about it. Mine room’s about ten times worse right now.”
Relaxing Ronon walked over to the small table and grabbed the laptop, unplugging it before turning it on.
“So what are we watching?” Jen asked as she sat down on his bed, leaning her back against the headboard.
Ronon passed her the movie before sitting down next to her and placing the computer in the middle of the bed.
“3:10 To Yuma,” she read aloud.
“Yeah, but if you want to watch something else…” He pointed at the stack of movies on the end of the bed.
She was reading the back cover of the case, but shook her head. “No, this looks fine. Actually, someone told me it was really good.” She opened the case and passed him the disc.
They settled in to watch, both sitting up with legs stretched out in front of them. They were only about ten minutes into the movie when Jen let out a huge yawn. “Sorry,” she whispered.
Ronon glanced sideways at her. Her eyes were drooping shut and every once in a while her head would nod. “You’re tired,” he stated simply.
She yawned again. “Yeah.”
Ronon reached for the blanket at the foot of the bed and pulled it up, passing it to her. “Here.”
She smiled, but shook her head. “If you give me that I’m going to fall asleep.”
He spread the blanket over her. “It’s okay.”
She gave him a peculiar look, before giving in and wrapping the blanket fully around herself, so that it was tucked up underneath her chin. She pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned her head on his shoulder.
Ronon smiled and felt a surge of warmth pass through his body. Gently he moved his one arm so that it was wrapped around her shoulders. She responded by leaning more fully against his side, snuggling up next to him. In less than five minutes she was asleep.
***
When Jen woke up the next morning she was warm and comfortable. Pulling the blanket over her head, she buried her face in the pillow. It took her a few seconds to realize that it didn’t smell like her pillow-a mixture of her shampoo and perfume-it smelt masculine. Her head whipped up and her eyes flew open. She wasn’t in her room. There was the barest hint of sun coming in through the window, but her side of the city didn’t get direct sunlight until just after noon. Blinking her eyes rapidly, she surveyed the room. The moment her eyes fell on the chair near the window, she relaxed.
Ronon was stretched out in it, dead to the world. If she listened carefully she could hear his deep peaceful breaths of sleep.
She sat up slowly, trying to remember the night before. It didn’t take long for things to come back. Sighing, she rubbed her sleepy eyes with the palms of her hands. She probably shouldn’t have stayed to watch the movie, but the offer had been too tempting. Actually, she wasn’t even sure she’d made it much past the opening credits. Ronon had given her the blanket and after that… she didn’t remember anything.
Jen couldn’t help but smile as she looked at his sleeping form. The laptop and DVDs were stacked on the table, meaning he must have moved them. He must have also managed to tuck her in, unless of course he woke her up and got her to move, and she just didn’t remember it.
Not many people would believe it, but under the rough and gruff warrior exterior there was a kind and caring man, one that she’d been lucky enough to get to know. He was the best friend a girl could ask for. Jen knew of no one else who would put up with all the stuff he had, and then still take care of her at the end of the day. It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her, and thinking about it was almost enough to bring tears to her eyes.
Her thoughts were interrupted as her watch beeped once, timing the hour mark. Glancing at it, she saw it was five. Biting back a groan she threw off the warm covers and made her way to the door. She needed to be in the infirmary in less than an hour and she still had to change and eat breakfast.
She moved quietly, so as not to wake Ronon. After slipping on her shoes she waved her hand over the sensor, opening the door. When she stepped out into the hallway, she nearly ran into Teyla.
“Jen,” the other woman said, sounding more than a little surprised.
The door swooshed shut behind her, and Jen realized what Teyla must think. She rushed to clarify. “It’s not what it looks like.”
Teyla raised one eyebrow in question. She tilted her head down the hallway. “I’m heading for breakfast, would you care to join me?”
Jen followed her down the hall. When Teyla didn’t say anything in response to her previous comment, she repeated it. “It’s really not what it looks like. We were watching a movie last night, and I fell asleep, that’s all. We never…”
Teyla paused and looked Jen up and down with a scrutinizing gaze. “Would it be so bad if it were?”
Jen’s face scrunched slightly in confusion. “Huh?”
Teyla smiled. “If it was what it looked like. Would that be so bad?”
Jen felt her face warm considerably. “Well, um… I mean… Ronon’s a great guy, Teyla, but he would never be interested in someone like me.”
“In someone who is warm, caring, and who he loves spending time with?”
Jen’s face became even hotter. “We’re just friends.”
Teyla was still smiling. “For now, yes.”
“For always. Ronon’s so… and I’m just…” She struggled for the right words, but couldn’t find them.
Teyla placed a hand on her shoulder. “All I know is that I never seen Ronon happier than I have in these past few weeks. I know that it is because of you. And although he has not said anything to me, I would be very surprised if he did not feel something for you beyond friendship.” Teyla squeezed Jen’s shoulder lightly before letting her hand fall back down to her side. “Sometimes love can spring up when you least expect it. You need only be ready to embrace it.”
TBC
~~~
A/N: Sorry this chapter didn't get posted sooner. I was aiming to update yesterday, but things kind of got away from me. Lol. I'm not sure when chapter 6 will be up. Hopefully it won't be long, but real life kind of exploded on me today, so there could be a delay. I apoloize in advance it that turns out to be the case. :)
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