Pentimento: 52 Moments That Never Happened to Dawn (and One That Probably Will)
Here's a collection of the Dawn drabbles as story, now in series order:
Title: Pentimento: 52 Moments That Never Happened to Dawn (and One That Probably Will)
Author: nwhepcat
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Buffy S1-4, plus one post-"Chosen" reference to S5
Synopsis: 52 monk made moments that feel true to Dawn -- and everyone around her.
Disclaimer: Dawn doesn't belong to me, I just like indulging in the monks' habit.
Dawn stands at the window of the empty living room, watching the moving van drive off.
How can Mom do this? Why does Daddy moving out mean they have to give up the house and move to some stupid town up the coast?
Mom gave her all kinds of reasons. Money, mostly. Mortgage, taxes, utilities all still the same, while their income has been cut in half.
Dawn doesn't believe that's all. Buffy has something to do with it. That trouble at her school
Buffy holds her arms out and Dawn wishes she could refuse her hug. But she can't.
*
Dawn sits in the back seat, arms folded across her chest. She's been silent for most of the drive, and the quieter she and Buffy are, the more their mom talks.
"The downtown is really wonderful. There's a lot of foot traffic, and I was really lucky to find a storefront right between the florist and a boutique. I'll drive by now, but I'll take you girls to see it after lunch."
Dawn can hardly wait.
"It looks nice, Mom," Buffy says softly. She's sad, but at least she's trying.
Dawn feels a stab of guilt, but she says nothing.
*
Dawn's never been the new girl before. She's gone to the same school her whole life, and back when she was new, everyone in her class was too. She remembers how they all looked, wide-eyed and scared (just like she felt).
That's how she feels right now, while everyone else is chatting and laughing as they amble to class, totally at ease.
And looking at her.
Some race to find out more about her, some eye her shyly but don't approach. Some just give her a curl of the lip and a flip of the hair.
Everyone's so white.
***
"Why do I have to go to Buffy's stupid parent-teacher night? It's not even my school."
"Because Mrs. Crandall can't watch you. She's going to be there with her daughter. Buffy can keep an eye on you while I'm busy."
"Me?" Buffy yelps. "Mom, I'm doing a job there. I'm already stuck with a helper who is none. Why do I always--" She stops, but too late.
"I'm not going to your crappy school. Nothing can make me."
Mom makes her.
It's uber-boring until the drug gang with the crazy faces breaks in. Then -- wow. Mom with an ax.
***
Dawn accompanies Buffy to the costume shop, trying to ignore her scratchy throat. The nice man gives Buffy a deal on the beautiful princess dress, then asks Dawn, "And who -- or what -- would you like to be?"
"The ladybug." It's babyish, but she feels sick and babyish.
The man presents Dawn's costume. "Miss Gregoria Samsa." Weird.
On Halloween she's too sick to go. Crying, she curls on the sofa with Mom, wearing the antennae. They fall asleep during the movie, until Mom wakes up, shrieks, and flicks a ladybug off her arm.
Dawn wakes up under the dining room table.
***
Dawn is still awake, upset over her fight with Mandy at school, when she hears a sharp squeak, like a bird's cry. Looking out her window, she sees a leg coming out over Buffy's windowsill. Then another, and Buffy's on the roof. In her darkened room, she can watch at her window without Buffy seeing.
Buffy drops to the ground like a cat burglar. She picks up a duffel bag from the ground. Is she going to that guy Angel?
Dawn hurriedly dresses, meaning to follow, but then Buffy's out of sight.
She'll wait for another night.
She'll be ready.
*
Tonight Dawn's totally going to follow Buffy. She finds an outfit -- jeans, a dark blue top that'll look enough like pajama tops when Mom comes in to kiss her goodnight, Keds so her feet don't look humongous under the covers.
But the whole plan's ruined when Mom says Buffy won't be home for dinner. "She has a study session with Willow and Xander at the library until late tonight."
Dawn broods.
Instead of telling her to stop sulking, Mom says why don't they save the crock pot dinner for another night and have a girls' night out.
She still sulks.
*
Tonight. Definitely. The last three nights Dawn fell asleep before the squeak, or else Buffy stayed in. It's killing her not knowing -- especially now. She found out a boy Buffy knew from Hemery just moved to Sunnydale. Buffy's been talking about him a lot. Ford this, Ford that. So maybe he's the one she's going to meet.
Dawn's not sure which boy she hopes it is. Ford's cute, but Angel's older and mysterious and wears a leather jacket.
Dawn leaves her window open so Buffy won't hear it go up.
When she hears the squeak, Dawn throws back the covers.
*
Years of practice sneaking up on her mom and scaring her half to death are paying off. Dawn has the sneaking part down to a science. No, an art. Science and art.
She follows Buffy, who walks past the street that leads to the Bronze. That's a surprise. Well, she can't be going to the Point to make out, because you need a car for that.
She giggles, thinking about a new trend for environmentally friendly makeout places with bike racks.
Plus you need a guy.
Okay, this is weird. And creepy. Buffy turns down the path into the cemetery.
*
Dawn feels kinda stupid now. There already are environmentally friendly makeout places. That's what cemeteries are for. Okay, no bike racks, but otherwise, you've got your dark and your secluded and your benches. She must be the last person on the planet to figure this out.
It's a little creepy, though. Would Dawn make out here? Ew.
But that's not so much due to the graves and everything and more from the thought of locking lips with any boy in her grade. Cause yak. Projectile yak.
All of a sudden somebody crashes through some bushes and grabs her. Dawn screams.
*
Buffy whirls around. "Dawn!"
It's one of those ugly drug fiends from parent- teacher night. He smells like old hamburger meat, and Dawn thinks she really might yak.
"Let her go."
"You think you're smart, Slayer. Let's see how you--"
Buffy flicks a tiny bottle toward them both, and he screams and loses his grip, screeching like it's acid.
"Run, Dawn!"
But Buffy runs toward the smelly guy, not away, and Dawn has to stay to watch.
Buffy pulls out a pointy stick and stabs the guy, and he turns to dust. She turns toward Dawn. "You are so dead."
*
"What did that guy call you? Slayer?"
"It's some druggie slang, I think. We'd better get you home, before he comes back."
"Come on, Buffy. I know he's not coming back. You made him go poof!"
"I don't know what you mean."
"You killed him. It. What was it?"
"You're really shaken up, Dawnie. I don't know what you thought you saw. He ran off."
"I'm not stupid."
"Dawn, if you come with me right now, I'll let you sneak in without waking Mom up."
"You wouldn't rat me out. You snuck out too. C'mon. Tell me what it was."
*
Buffy sighs, eying her.
"I mean it," Dawn says. "I want the truth. What was wrong with its face? It was like all those ugly things at parent-teacher night. They killed people."
Another pause. "It was a vampire."
"You always treat me like some stupid --" She stops. "You're not joking. There's vampires here? That's why so many people die in this town?"
"They're not the only things in Sunnydale. But it's mostly vamps, yeah. This is why you cannot sneak out at night anymore."
"You do."
"I'm different. I'm the Slayer. Crazy as it sounds, this is my destiny."
*
Buffy pushes back a lock of Dawn's hair, tucking it behind her ear. She does this whenever they talk about Dad, too. "I'll take you home, okay?"
"But you just got here."
"I checked the obituaries. He's the only one I expected." She gently prods Dawn to start toward the gates.
"Does Mom know?"
"She does not. And you can't tell her. This has to be our secret."
"How do you know it's your destiny? How many others are there?"
"Just me. There's only one in the world at any time."
"Why you? Why here?"
Buffy shrugs. "I was chosen."
*
Dawn grills Buffy all the way home. They sneak back in, then sit up half the night talking. She tells Dawn all about how she found out, back in LA. How the whole thing at Hemery, the gym burning down, was all about vampires.
She tells Dawn about Mr. Giles, the school librarian. He has a secret identity.
"But you didn't know him at Hemery."
Her expression turns sad. "No. I had another watcher before him." She doesn't say more, but she doesn't have to.
Dawn sobers, the thrill of the secret fading a little. This is serious. People die.
*
Buffy walks her to school, not because they got so close over the night, but to warn her of dire consequences if she tells anyone. That means their mom and the entire rest of the planet.
You'd think she was still a baby. That time she blurted out to Mom what they'd all gotten her for Christmas was a million years ago.
In the afternoon Dawn's waiting for her ride from Mom when a cute older boy walks up to her. "Hey, Dawn, remember me?"
"Ford?"
"Buffy wanted you to come with me. She has something cool to show you."
*
"Mom'll have kittens if I'm not here when she comes," Dawn tells Ford. She hopes she sounds cool and ironic. She's not 100% sure she knows what ironic means, but she's heard Buffy mention it to Willow and it's definitely a good thing to be.
Ironic.
"She checked in with your mom. It's okay."
"Okay. Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise."
It's like this old factory or something, which is pretty cool.
"Where's Buffy?"
"She's inside. This way. Careful, there's debris around."
Dawn blinks in the darkness. There are a lot of people inside, but she doesn't see Buffy.
*
Everyone's all dressed up, so Dawn feels like a turd in a punchbowl. There's tons of black velvet and lace, even a cape or two. A blonde girl, so made up she looks like a porcelain doll, smiles at Dawn. "Are you here to get the blessing of the Lonely Ones?"
Dawn has no idea what she's talking about, but she figures they're a band. This would be a cool place for a concert. "Sure."
"You seem young." She flicks a look toward Ford. "I dunno. It doesn't seem right."
"Shut up," Ford says.
"There's no need to be mean."
*
She'd hardly known Ford, but she doesn't remember him being a jerk. But being automatically excluded because of her age drives her wild. "Thanks," she says to the doll-faced girl, "but I'm plenty old enough."
"I dunno," the girl says again, speaking to Ford. "It's a deep decision. How can she be ready?"
Ford grabs the girl by her shoulders and shakes her, hard. "I'm the one who decides who sees the Lonely Ones. If you want their blessing at all, Chanterelle, you'd better zip it."
Dawn's anger surges, weirdly enough at both Ford and Chanterelle. "Where's Buffy, anyway?"
*
Ford whirls toward her, and Chantarelle takes the opportunity to disappear. "She'll be here. I told you."
"You told me she already was here. Who are the Lonely Ones?"
"Wait. You'll find out."
"What does she mean by getting their blessing?"
"You're a lot more annoying than I remember."
Dawn sneers. "There's a lot of that going around. Why did you ask me here?"
"I told you, Buffy wanted me to bring you."
"I don't believe you." She's not sure why, she just doesn't.
Suddenly he grabs her and pulls her to his chest. "Hello, Slayer. Got something of yours."
*
"Aren't you the walking cliche," Buffy says to Ford. "They all call me Slayer. Usually a few seconds before the dusty death cliche."
"Let me go!" Dawn snarls.
"Hey, Sis, you're stepping on my heroic banter," Buffy says. "Let her go, Ford, or before I'm done you're gonna wish I'd kill you."
Ford laughs, clutching Dawn tighter. "Sorry, Summers. Death threats won't work."
Dawn lets fly with her elbows and heels. He doesn't let go, but his grunt of pain fills her with a fierce glee.
She hears a big clang.
"Let my sister go."
"No reason not to now."
*
"No one can get out of here now. The doors only open from the outside." Ford doesn't so much let her go as shove her at Buffy.
Buffy manages in one movement to steady her and move past her to push Ford against a column. "What is your game?"
"You'll find out when they get here."
"'The Lonely Ones'?" Buffy sneers.
"I don't buy that romantic crap."
"You're just using the morons who do."
"Something like that."
"What's the plan?"
"Eternal life."
"Eternal? You've seen me work. Your average stupid vamp is lucky to get weeks."
"I'm smarter than them."
*
"That's what they all say, Ford. You're so disappointingly predictable. Call this off. There's still time."
"Not a chance," he says. "I've been setting this up for months. Ever since I found out."
"Found out?"
He tells her about the brain tumor.
"So you'd take all these people down -- my little sister too -- to save yourself."
"You have no idea what it's like." He uses that tone Dawn hears all the time and hates. What's the word? Condescending.
"Let them go. I've got a fighting chance, but --"
The doors fly open.
"Look who's here," Buffy says. "It's Sid and Nancy."
*
The bleach blond vampire grabs Chantarelle and shoves her toward the vampire he's with, who out-goths the goths Ford hangs out with. "Here, pet. Feed all you like."
But "pet" isn't paying attention. She's staring straight at Dawn. "Oh, Spike, it glows."
"Of course it does, pet. Now have a bit of nourishment." He yanks the girl's hair to bare her neck.
"It's a fiery emerald and it sparkles so. It has a tigress to protect it." She hisses and claws the air like a cat.
"Would you like a bit of that, then? Make you stronger?"
"Oh, yes, Spike."
*
Tossing Chantarelle aside like a chicken bone, Spike strides toward Dawn.
"I don't think so," Buffy says, but before she can jump him Ford swings a crowbar at her head. She falls to her knees.
"Buffy!" Dawn shrieks. "You sonofabitch!"
Ford just laughs, thrusting her toward Spike. "Have a little appetizer. Don't spoil your supper."
Spotting movement from the corner of her eye, Dawn shrieks and flails at Spike to draw everyone's attention.
Then the gothy vampire lets out a squeal of her own. "Spike! The tigress!"
"Let Dawn go -- all of them -- or your girlfriend fits in an ashtray."
*
As tough as he acts, the bleach blond caves in when he thinks Buffy's going to stake his girlfriend. Buffy lays on a few more threats, and he tells the other vampires to let everyone go.
"Dawnie, go."
"But--"
"Go."
Dawn climbs the stairs, following Chantarelle. She looks back as she gets to the top. Buffy shoves the gothy vampire down the stairs toward Spike, then follows Dawn outside, slamming the door on the vampires inside -- and Ford.
Buffy heaves a relieved sigh. "You did good, Dawn."
"We make a great team."
"No team. There is no U in team."
*
"Ha ha," Dawn says. "That's funny."
"It's also true. That was your first and last vampire slaying adventure."
Try stopping her. "What the heck was all that 'fiery emerald and tigress' crap?"
"Who knows? Drusilla is crazy."
"I kinda figured that out."
Buffy gets quiet, like she's fallen into some weird mood. Sad, with a side of angry.
"Mom is not going to believe this," Dawn says.
"Mom is never going to know about this. Ever."
"I could sure go for a super fudge brownie sundae right now."
"You are a child of evil." Buffy checks her wallet. "After dinner."
***
She doesn't understand Buffy's big problem with Ted. Sure, if he and Mom were excluding them, but he actually wants to be a dad. That's new and different. He takes them on family outings: mini-golf, bowling, game night.
Dad, on the other hand, has more excuses. On Dawn's birthday he calls while she's already watching out the window for him. Something's come up. "I hate you!" she shrieks into the phone. "You're the worst father in the whole world!"
Ted hears, makes her call back and apologize. Then he takes her out for ice cream and roller skating. Just her.
***
Dawn taps on Buffy's door. She's been in there for hours, crying. Mom said it's about that guy she was seeing, and Dawn should just leave Buffy alone. But her heart is so broken and Mom's at an opening all evening, and when Dawn cries and cries, she knows the last thing she wants is to be ignored. Right at first, maybe. But not for hours.
"Go away, Mom."
"It's not Mom. It's me. I made some cocoa."
"...Okay."
Buffy tries to smile. "Hey. You put in marshmallows."
"Monkey brains. I'm so sorry, Buffy. I hate him for hurting you."
***
"It's that boy," Dawn says. Though he's not exactly a boy. "Angel. Buffy said don't let him in."
"I remember," Mom says. "You get the groceries. I'll get the door."
All the way to the house, Angel pleads to talk to Buffy. It's the kind of stuff guys do in the movies all the time. Buffy calls it creepy and stalkery, but they always get the girl.
"Dawn," he says. "You understand. It's true love." Dawn feels a little sorry for him. "I haven't been able to sleep since the night we made love."
"Buffy's right. You are a slimeball."
***
There's yelling downstairs. Mom and Buffy are having a big fight, worse than any they've had in a long time. Since Buffy burned down the gym at Hemery.
Dawn sneaks down to listen. It keeps getting worse and worse. There's the crash of breaking glass and more yelling, and finally Dawn runs into the kitchen. "Stop it!"
"Dawn, go to your room. This doesn't concern you."
"I can't do this," Buffy says. Mom tries to stop her from going, but Buffy shoves her and leaves.
"Don't even think about coming back!"
"You made Dad leave, now her. I hate you!"
*
Mom cries in her room and Dawn cries in hers. Finally she stops hearing noises from Mom's room, but she's still awake when she hears the front door open and then latch softly. Dawn rushes into the upstairs hallway.
Buffy puts her finger to her lips. She's been crying too. She moves like she's hurt, her back all stiff.
"What happened?" Dawn whispers. "Did you save the world?"
"This time. Go back to bed."
"I can't sleep."
"You can sleep now. I'm back, I'm okay. I've gotta go to bed. We both have school tomorrow."
In the morning, Buffy's gone.
***
Throughout the summer, Mom is either a ghost or she's totally overinvolved. She won't let Dawn spend part of the summer with Dad; all they get is a couple of long weekends.
For all the times she's wished she were an only child, it's lonely without Buffy.
Xander and Willow come by to take her to the movies, but Mom's in a mood, saying she hopes they'll be a better influence on Dawn than they were on Buffy. She lets her go with them, but they don't come back much after that.
It's the worst summer of her whole life.
***
"I'm bored," Dawn says. She's slumped at the kitchen table, head resting on crossed arms. Her mom is trying to wrestle something out of the dishwasher.
"Then you obviously need more to keep you busy. How about cleaning the basement? And get your hair off the table."
"Ooh, basement. Let me get right on that." She doesn't move.
"We can go to the library. Just give me an hour to pay bills."
Dawn never thought she'd think this, but she can't wait for school to start.
There's a knock at the front door. "I'll get it!"
Her heart stops. "Buffy!"
***
Dawn sits on Buffy's bed watching her unpack. "Are you gonna go out slaying? Where were you? I thought maybe you ran off with that Angel guy. He never came around after you left. Which was fine, because creepy. He told me you slept together, which eww. Do my young ears need to hear that? A definite no."
"Dawn -- please. I'm tired."
"You're tired? I'm the one who got left here with her. Mom was all over me all summer. I couldn't do anything. Maybe I'm tired too."
She flounces to her room, slamming the door.
Buffy, I missed you.
***
"Hey, it's the little sis."
Tossing her textbook aside, Dawn runs to meet Faith.
Dark-haired Faith is so pretty, so unapologetically not-Californian. She's all the way from Boston, and Dawn loves how she talks.
She lets Dawn try on her dark lipstick, teaches her how to boost one at the drugstore.
Boost. What a cool word. There's a tingle of excitement whenever she thinks of taking something, a thrill of danger whenever she actually does.
Faith doesn't ignore her the way Buffy does when her friends are around. She calls her "little sis," and Dawn wishes it were true.
***
Mom sends her over to Janice's house so she and Mr. Giles can have a talk about Buffy.
Mom hands her a couple of bars of band candy. "Make sure you share that with Janice's mother. She's awfully nice to let you spend so much time there."
Her house smells funny when Dawn gets there. Mrs. Penshaw is sharing a big fat cigarette with Janice. "Siddown," she says to Dawn. "I just lit up a spliff. Janice, don't bogart that, sweetie."
"Um, I dunno, Mrs. Penshaw. My mom--"
"Oh, Joyce would totally shit a brick. Who cares? Live a little."
***
"Faith is sick?"
"She fell. A long way down. She's in a coma, Dawnie. The doctors don't think she'll ever come out."
"But she's a slayer. They don't understand. She'll surprise them."
Buffy strokes Dawn's hair. "She already has. They expected her to die."
Dawn evades her touch. "I bet you're glad."
"I'm glad the Mayor didn't ascend. I'm glad more people won't die. But no, I'm not glad she's hurt."
She thinks of a stupid joke Janice told her. Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? To make up for a lousy summer.
"I want to see her."
***
"Hey, little sis. I'm meeting Buffy here. Mind if I come in?"
"Faith! I knew you'd get better!" She throws her arms around Faith.
She pushes Dawn back, a little roughly. "Yeah, nice to see you too. I'm pretty early. Let's play a game while we wait. How about spies?" Faith knows she loves playing spies.
Faith ties her up and carries her to Mom's room, where she dumps her on the bed and starts going through Mom's drawers. "Ooh, a diaphragm. Joyce."
"Hey, maybe you should--"
Faith whirls on Dawn, face hard and angry. "Maybe you should shut up."
*
"I don't like this." Dawn raises her bound wrists. "Untie me, I don't want to play anymore."
"The game's just gettin' good, little sis. Don't get your panties in a knot."
Why is she being this way? Maybe -- Dawn thinks of the look she sometimes caught on Faith's face, like someone who feels left out. "I wanted to go see you after you got hurt, but they wouldn't let me."
"Was Buffy afraid I'd taint you?"
"No. Hospital rules. I'm not old enough. Buffy went."
"Sure she did." Faith's head raises, as if listening, and then she smiles. "Mom's home."
*
"Run, Mom!" Dawn yells. "Call 9--" Then she's got Mom's favorite scarf stuffed in her mouth.
"Told you the game was just warmin' up."
Dawn screams as loud as she can -- she's seen enough TV shows to know that muffled sound is unmistakeable.
"Dawn? What's going on?" Mom's voice is getting closer.
Dawn shrieks again, hoping her mother will realize something's wrong, turn and run. Faith cuffs her on the side of the head, but Dawn doesn't stop.
Neither does her mom. "What on --"
As she pushes the door open, Faith's right there. Faith hits her, and down she goes.
*
Faith ties up Mom while she's out of it. She doesn't stick a gag in her mouth, but she doesn't take Dawn's out. Dawn puts as much hate as she can into her glare, focusing her eyes like lasers on Faith's every move. She directs so much heat and rage that she's surprised Faith doesn't just burst into flame.
When Faith finally notices she just laughs. "This is how people are, little sis. You think they like you, but they're just waiting for a chance to screw you over. Get used to it now, and it'll hurt a lot less."
*
Dawn chokes on the gag and her tears as she waits for her mom to wake up. What if she doesn't? What if Faith hit her too hard and she dies? She's killed people by accident before. According to Buffy, Mr. Giles said that happens sometimes with slayers.
What if she doesn't die, but she's just in a coma forever, like Faith?
Dawn wishes Faith had died. She's a horrible person. She's killed people -- she hurt Xander, tried to kill him. There's some big secret around it, but Dawn knows that much.
Mom moans softly and her eyes flutter open.
*
Dawn watches as Mom figures out the situation, sees the flash of fear when she realizes Faith has Dawn too. It's quickly replaced by determination -- the expression that makes Buffy say, "Look out, world. Mama Bear is here."
Faith turns from the dresser drawer she's been ransacking. "Look who's joined the party." She puts Mom's lipstick on her disgusting mouth and asks her opinion.
Mom's chin rises as she spits out an angry answer. Her fierceness gives Dawn a thrill of pride yet terrifies her at the same time.
Faith starts in on Buffy, how she's left them all behind.
*
She says the meanest things. About how Mom squirted out her kids and now that Buffy's in college she doesn't need her or care -- and gross, that is an image Dawn will never ever scrub out of her mind.
Mom is tough and smart- mouthed -- it's like she's the hero in some action movie, snarking away when the villain is making threats. Part of her admires Mom's bravery, but the other part knows this isn't a movie. They really could die.
Faith is just pointing this out --again -- when Buffy crashes in through the window.
Just like in the movies.
*
After the detective finishes questioning her, he says Dawn can go, but she clings to her mom.
We could have died, but we didn't.
Maybe that's sinking in with Buffy, too, because she seems kinda weird. Jittery and ... well, weird. She pulls away from Mom's hug, and Dawn's too.
Mom, on the other hand, is right back to being Mom. She wonders what drove Faith to be so mean and crazy. "I think she's horribly unhappy."
"I hope she is," Dawn mutters.
"Shh," Mom says. "No good comes of wishing harm on people -- even hurtful people."
Buffy rolls her eyes.
*
Just like that, Buffy announces she's taking a bath. She doesn't even ask if Dawn has to pee after all that time being tied up (not that she does -- but what if she did?). She acts like an only child -- no, like she's queen of the whole world.
"I'm sure she's just reacting to the all the adrenaline," Mom says when Dawn makes this point. "Are you desperate? I have an old coffee can in the basement."
"No. Ew. That's not even the point."
"That's what I love about my girls. There's no trauma they can't bounce right back from."
*
Then Buffy says she's going to the dorm, but she looks like she's going to the Bronze. In fact, she looks like it's Slut Night at the Bronze.
Whatever. Dawn's so over it. She's glad to have Mom to herself tonight. Even though it's late, Mom makes cocoa and they watch a movie.
She's still awake when Mr. Giles calls to tell Mom not to let Buffy in the house. She's really Faith, and Faith is Buffy.
"But they took Faith. Buffy."
Mr. Giles says shes safe with him.
"I knew it," Dawn tells Mom. "I knew it wasn't her."
*
Xander comes over Saturday and takes Dawn out for ice cream. Just her. Not Dawn tagging along with him and Buffy, or him and Anya, but having him all to herself.
"How are you doing after your big adventure?"
Dawn scowls. "Did Buffy put you up to this? Or Mom?"
"Nope. My idea entirely. I know how much you liked Faith."
"I did."
He works on his cone. She wonders if he's thinking about Faith's hands around his neck. She remembers the bruises, the shadows around his eyes.
"You know who I think she scares the most?" Xander asks. "Herself."
*
"Don't tell me you feel sorry for her," Dawn says. "She tried to kill you. After you went to help her."
"I know." Xander pauses a while, thinking. "I don't think she believed she deserved help."
"She just didn't want to admit she killed somebody. She let Buffy take the blame."
"Have you talked to your sister since she got back from LA?"
"She's too mad at Angel to have actual conversations."
"Faith turned herself in to the police."
"You mean they caught her."
"I mean she turned herself in. I guess Angel helped her see the way after all."
***
Dawn gazes at his picture. His warm, soulful brown eyes with the most incredible lashes -- it's like he's staring right back at her -- no, through her, like he can see right down to her soul.
She's had crushes before, but nothing like this. This gives her a physical thrill, a tiny flutter in a new place that isn't her heart. Now she gets what Janice has been talking about.
She writes their names in careful script in her diary. Dawn and Jonathan: 2-gether 4-ever. Dawn Levinson. Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Levinson.
She loves him so much it hurts.
*
Dawn feels deflated. Hollow. Like her center is gone. "I don't get it," she says to Buffy.
"It was some kind of mojo. Jonathan didn't really do all of those things. Any of them."
"Crap," Dawn says. "Now I'll have to write another book report." She'd been so proud, too. It was an adult book, not a YA novel.
"Maybe you can still turn it in. I bet your teacher read it too."
"It was horrible."
"I kinda liked it," Buffy says.
"No, I mean messing with people's memories . He changed everyone's whole world. I'll never forgive him for this."
******
Dawn leans against the kitchen counter, beer in hand, gazing into the amazing eyes of the amazing guy who is talking to her.
He's a twelve on the Janice-meter. Funny, she hasn't thought of Janice in forever, much less the Janice-meter. But she's never met a twelve. A twelve would've shattered eardrums during those OhmygodImetthehottestguy calls.
He flashes a modest smile. "I'll never get rich. I do it for Glory."
An iron fist squeezes her heart. Oh god. Here? Now?
Suddenly the panic ebbs. The glory. Small-G. Still, she sets down her bottle. "It's been nice. I have to go."
Title: Pentimento: 52 Moments That Never Happened to Dawn (and One That Probably Will)
Author: nwhepcat
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Buffy S1-4, plus one post-"Chosen" reference to S5
Synopsis: 52 monk made moments that feel true to Dawn -- and everyone around her.
Disclaimer: Dawn doesn't belong to me, I just like indulging in the monks' habit.
Dawn stands at the window of the empty living room, watching the moving van drive off.
How can Mom do this? Why does Daddy moving out mean they have to give up the house and move to some stupid town up the coast?
Mom gave her all kinds of reasons. Money, mostly. Mortgage, taxes, utilities all still the same, while their income has been cut in half.
Dawn doesn't believe that's all. Buffy has something to do with it. That trouble at her school
Buffy holds her arms out and Dawn wishes she could refuse her hug. But she can't.
*
Dawn sits in the back seat, arms folded across her chest. She's been silent for most of the drive, and the quieter she and Buffy are, the more their mom talks.
"The downtown is really wonderful. There's a lot of foot traffic, and I was really lucky to find a storefront right between the florist and a boutique. I'll drive by now, but I'll take you girls to see it after lunch."
Dawn can hardly wait.
"It looks nice, Mom," Buffy says softly. She's sad, but at least she's trying.
Dawn feels a stab of guilt, but she says nothing.
*
Dawn's never been the new girl before. She's gone to the same school her whole life, and back when she was new, everyone in her class was too. She remembers how they all looked, wide-eyed and scared (just like she felt).
That's how she feels right now, while everyone else is chatting and laughing as they amble to class, totally at ease.
And looking at her.
Some race to find out more about her, some eye her shyly but don't approach. Some just give her a curl of the lip and a flip of the hair.
Everyone's so white.
***
"Why do I have to go to Buffy's stupid parent-teacher night? It's not even my school."
"Because Mrs. Crandall can't watch you. She's going to be there with her daughter. Buffy can keep an eye on you while I'm busy."
"Me?" Buffy yelps. "Mom, I'm doing a job there. I'm already stuck with a helper who is none. Why do I always--" She stops, but too late.
"I'm not going to your crappy school. Nothing can make me."
Mom makes her.
It's uber-boring until the drug gang with the crazy faces breaks in. Then -- wow. Mom with an ax.
***
Dawn accompanies Buffy to the costume shop, trying to ignore her scratchy throat. The nice man gives Buffy a deal on the beautiful princess dress, then asks Dawn, "And who -- or what -- would you like to be?"
"The ladybug." It's babyish, but she feels sick and babyish.
The man presents Dawn's costume. "Miss Gregoria Samsa." Weird.
On Halloween she's too sick to go. Crying, she curls on the sofa with Mom, wearing the antennae. They fall asleep during the movie, until Mom wakes up, shrieks, and flicks a ladybug off her arm.
Dawn wakes up under the dining room table.
***
Dawn is still awake, upset over her fight with Mandy at school, when she hears a sharp squeak, like a bird's cry. Looking out her window, she sees a leg coming out over Buffy's windowsill. Then another, and Buffy's on the roof. In her darkened room, she can watch at her window without Buffy seeing.
Buffy drops to the ground like a cat burglar. She picks up a duffel bag from the ground. Is she going to that guy Angel?
Dawn hurriedly dresses, meaning to follow, but then Buffy's out of sight.
She'll wait for another night.
She'll be ready.
*
Tonight Dawn's totally going to follow Buffy. She finds an outfit -- jeans, a dark blue top that'll look enough like pajama tops when Mom comes in to kiss her goodnight, Keds so her feet don't look humongous under the covers.
But the whole plan's ruined when Mom says Buffy won't be home for dinner. "She has a study session with Willow and Xander at the library until late tonight."
Dawn broods.
Instead of telling her to stop sulking, Mom says why don't they save the crock pot dinner for another night and have a girls' night out.
She still sulks.
*
Tonight. Definitely. The last three nights Dawn fell asleep before the squeak, or else Buffy stayed in. It's killing her not knowing -- especially now. She found out a boy Buffy knew from Hemery just moved to Sunnydale. Buffy's been talking about him a lot. Ford this, Ford that. So maybe he's the one she's going to meet.
Dawn's not sure which boy she hopes it is. Ford's cute, but Angel's older and mysterious and wears a leather jacket.
Dawn leaves her window open so Buffy won't hear it go up.
When she hears the squeak, Dawn throws back the covers.
*
Years of practice sneaking up on her mom and scaring her half to death are paying off. Dawn has the sneaking part down to a science. No, an art. Science and art.
She follows Buffy, who walks past the street that leads to the Bronze. That's a surprise. Well, she can't be going to the Point to make out, because you need a car for that.
She giggles, thinking about a new trend for environmentally friendly makeout places with bike racks.
Plus you need a guy.
Okay, this is weird. And creepy. Buffy turns down the path into the cemetery.
*
Dawn feels kinda stupid now. There already are environmentally friendly makeout places. That's what cemeteries are for. Okay, no bike racks, but otherwise, you've got your dark and your secluded and your benches. She must be the last person on the planet to figure this out.
It's a little creepy, though. Would Dawn make out here? Ew.
But that's not so much due to the graves and everything and more from the thought of locking lips with any boy in her grade. Cause yak. Projectile yak.
All of a sudden somebody crashes through some bushes and grabs her. Dawn screams.
*
Buffy whirls around. "Dawn!"
It's one of those ugly drug fiends from parent- teacher night. He smells like old hamburger meat, and Dawn thinks she really might yak.
"Let her go."
"You think you're smart, Slayer. Let's see how you--"
Buffy flicks a tiny bottle toward them both, and he screams and loses his grip, screeching like it's acid.
"Run, Dawn!"
But Buffy runs toward the smelly guy, not away, and Dawn has to stay to watch.
Buffy pulls out a pointy stick and stabs the guy, and he turns to dust. She turns toward Dawn. "You are so dead."
*
"What did that guy call you? Slayer?"
"It's some druggie slang, I think. We'd better get you home, before he comes back."
"Come on, Buffy. I know he's not coming back. You made him go poof!"
"I don't know what you mean."
"You killed him. It. What was it?"
"You're really shaken up, Dawnie. I don't know what you thought you saw. He ran off."
"I'm not stupid."
"Dawn, if you come with me right now, I'll let you sneak in without waking Mom up."
"You wouldn't rat me out. You snuck out too. C'mon. Tell me what it was."
*
Buffy sighs, eying her.
"I mean it," Dawn says. "I want the truth. What was wrong with its face? It was like all those ugly things at parent-teacher night. They killed people."
Another pause. "It was a vampire."
"You always treat me like some stupid --" She stops. "You're not joking. There's vampires here? That's why so many people die in this town?"
"They're not the only things in Sunnydale. But it's mostly vamps, yeah. This is why you cannot sneak out at night anymore."
"You do."
"I'm different. I'm the Slayer. Crazy as it sounds, this is my destiny."
*
Buffy pushes back a lock of Dawn's hair, tucking it behind her ear. She does this whenever they talk about Dad, too. "I'll take you home, okay?"
"But you just got here."
"I checked the obituaries. He's the only one I expected." She gently prods Dawn to start toward the gates.
"Does Mom know?"
"She does not. And you can't tell her. This has to be our secret."
"How do you know it's your destiny? How many others are there?"
"Just me. There's only one in the world at any time."
"Why you? Why here?"
Buffy shrugs. "I was chosen."
*
Dawn grills Buffy all the way home. They sneak back in, then sit up half the night talking. She tells Dawn all about how she found out, back in LA. How the whole thing at Hemery, the gym burning down, was all about vampires.
She tells Dawn about Mr. Giles, the school librarian. He has a secret identity.
"But you didn't know him at Hemery."
Her expression turns sad. "No. I had another watcher before him." She doesn't say more, but she doesn't have to.
Dawn sobers, the thrill of the secret fading a little. This is serious. People die.
*
Buffy walks her to school, not because they got so close over the night, but to warn her of dire consequences if she tells anyone. That means their mom and the entire rest of the planet.
You'd think she was still a baby. That time she blurted out to Mom what they'd all gotten her for Christmas was a million years ago.
In the afternoon Dawn's waiting for her ride from Mom when a cute older boy walks up to her. "Hey, Dawn, remember me?"
"Ford?"
"Buffy wanted you to come with me. She has something cool to show you."
*
"Mom'll have kittens if I'm not here when she comes," Dawn tells Ford. She hopes she sounds cool and ironic. She's not 100% sure she knows what ironic means, but she's heard Buffy mention it to Willow and it's definitely a good thing to be.
Ironic.
"She checked in with your mom. It's okay."
"Okay. Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise."
It's like this old factory or something, which is pretty cool.
"Where's Buffy?"
"She's inside. This way. Careful, there's debris around."
Dawn blinks in the darkness. There are a lot of people inside, but she doesn't see Buffy.
*
Everyone's all dressed up, so Dawn feels like a turd in a punchbowl. There's tons of black velvet and lace, even a cape or two. A blonde girl, so made up she looks like a porcelain doll, smiles at Dawn. "Are you here to get the blessing of the Lonely Ones?"
Dawn has no idea what she's talking about, but she figures they're a band. This would be a cool place for a concert. "Sure."
"You seem young." She flicks a look toward Ford. "I dunno. It doesn't seem right."
"Shut up," Ford says.
"There's no need to be mean."
*
She'd hardly known Ford, but she doesn't remember him being a jerk. But being automatically excluded because of her age drives her wild. "Thanks," she says to the doll-faced girl, "but I'm plenty old enough."
"I dunno," the girl says again, speaking to Ford. "It's a deep decision. How can she be ready?"
Ford grabs the girl by her shoulders and shakes her, hard. "I'm the one who decides who sees the Lonely Ones. If you want their blessing at all, Chanterelle, you'd better zip it."
Dawn's anger surges, weirdly enough at both Ford and Chanterelle. "Where's Buffy, anyway?"
*
Ford whirls toward her, and Chantarelle takes the opportunity to disappear. "She'll be here. I told you."
"You told me she already was here. Who are the Lonely Ones?"
"Wait. You'll find out."
"What does she mean by getting their blessing?"
"You're a lot more annoying than I remember."
Dawn sneers. "There's a lot of that going around. Why did you ask me here?"
"I told you, Buffy wanted me to bring you."
"I don't believe you." She's not sure why, she just doesn't.
Suddenly he grabs her and pulls her to his chest. "Hello, Slayer. Got something of yours."
*
"Aren't you the walking cliche," Buffy says to Ford. "They all call me Slayer. Usually a few seconds before the dusty death cliche."
"Let me go!" Dawn snarls.
"Hey, Sis, you're stepping on my heroic banter," Buffy says. "Let her go, Ford, or before I'm done you're gonna wish I'd kill you."
Ford laughs, clutching Dawn tighter. "Sorry, Summers. Death threats won't work."
Dawn lets fly with her elbows and heels. He doesn't let go, but his grunt of pain fills her with a fierce glee.
She hears a big clang.
"Let my sister go."
"No reason not to now."
*
"No one can get out of here now. The doors only open from the outside." Ford doesn't so much let her go as shove her at Buffy.
Buffy manages in one movement to steady her and move past her to push Ford against a column. "What is your game?"
"You'll find out when they get here."
"'The Lonely Ones'?" Buffy sneers.
"I don't buy that romantic crap."
"You're just using the morons who do."
"Something like that."
"What's the plan?"
"Eternal life."
"Eternal? You've seen me work. Your average stupid vamp is lucky to get weeks."
"I'm smarter than them."
*
"That's what they all say, Ford. You're so disappointingly predictable. Call this off. There's still time."
"Not a chance," he says. "I've been setting this up for months. Ever since I found out."
"Found out?"
He tells her about the brain tumor.
"So you'd take all these people down -- my little sister too -- to save yourself."
"You have no idea what it's like." He uses that tone Dawn hears all the time and hates. What's the word? Condescending.
"Let them go. I've got a fighting chance, but --"
The doors fly open.
"Look who's here," Buffy says. "It's Sid and Nancy."
*
The bleach blond vampire grabs Chantarelle and shoves her toward the vampire he's with, who out-goths the goths Ford hangs out with. "Here, pet. Feed all you like."
But "pet" isn't paying attention. She's staring straight at Dawn. "Oh, Spike, it glows."
"Of course it does, pet. Now have a bit of nourishment." He yanks the girl's hair to bare her neck.
"It's a fiery emerald and it sparkles so. It has a tigress to protect it." She hisses and claws the air like a cat.
"Would you like a bit of that, then? Make you stronger?"
"Oh, yes, Spike."
*
Tossing Chantarelle aside like a chicken bone, Spike strides toward Dawn.
"I don't think so," Buffy says, but before she can jump him Ford swings a crowbar at her head. She falls to her knees.
"Buffy!" Dawn shrieks. "You sonofabitch!"
Ford just laughs, thrusting her toward Spike. "Have a little appetizer. Don't spoil your supper."
Spotting movement from the corner of her eye, Dawn shrieks and flails at Spike to draw everyone's attention.
Then the gothy vampire lets out a squeal of her own. "Spike! The tigress!"
"Let Dawn go -- all of them -- or your girlfriend fits in an ashtray."
*
As tough as he acts, the bleach blond caves in when he thinks Buffy's going to stake his girlfriend. Buffy lays on a few more threats, and he tells the other vampires to let everyone go.
"Dawnie, go."
"But--"
"Go."
Dawn climbs the stairs, following Chantarelle. She looks back as she gets to the top. Buffy shoves the gothy vampire down the stairs toward Spike, then follows Dawn outside, slamming the door on the vampires inside -- and Ford.
Buffy heaves a relieved sigh. "You did good, Dawn."
"We make a great team."
"No team. There is no U in team."
*
"Ha ha," Dawn says. "That's funny."
"It's also true. That was your first and last vampire slaying adventure."
Try stopping her. "What the heck was all that 'fiery emerald and tigress' crap?"
"Who knows? Drusilla is crazy."
"I kinda figured that out."
Buffy gets quiet, like she's fallen into some weird mood. Sad, with a side of angry.
"Mom is not going to believe this," Dawn says.
"Mom is never going to know about this. Ever."
"I could sure go for a super fudge brownie sundae right now."
"You are a child of evil." Buffy checks her wallet. "After dinner."
***
She doesn't understand Buffy's big problem with Ted. Sure, if he and Mom were excluding them, but he actually wants to be a dad. That's new and different. He takes them on family outings: mini-golf, bowling, game night.
Dad, on the other hand, has more excuses. On Dawn's birthday he calls while she's already watching out the window for him. Something's come up. "I hate you!" she shrieks into the phone. "You're the worst father in the whole world!"
Ted hears, makes her call back and apologize. Then he takes her out for ice cream and roller skating. Just her.
***
Dawn taps on Buffy's door. She's been in there for hours, crying. Mom said it's about that guy she was seeing, and Dawn should just leave Buffy alone. But her heart is so broken and Mom's at an opening all evening, and when Dawn cries and cries, she knows the last thing she wants is to be ignored. Right at first, maybe. But not for hours.
"Go away, Mom."
"It's not Mom. It's me. I made some cocoa."
"...Okay."
Buffy tries to smile. "Hey. You put in marshmallows."
"Monkey brains. I'm so sorry, Buffy. I hate him for hurting you."
***
"It's that boy," Dawn says. Though he's not exactly a boy. "Angel. Buffy said don't let him in."
"I remember," Mom says. "You get the groceries. I'll get the door."
All the way to the house, Angel pleads to talk to Buffy. It's the kind of stuff guys do in the movies all the time. Buffy calls it creepy and stalkery, but they always get the girl.
"Dawn," he says. "You understand. It's true love." Dawn feels a little sorry for him. "I haven't been able to sleep since the night we made love."
"Buffy's right. You are a slimeball."
***
There's yelling downstairs. Mom and Buffy are having a big fight, worse than any they've had in a long time. Since Buffy burned down the gym at Hemery.
Dawn sneaks down to listen. It keeps getting worse and worse. There's the crash of breaking glass and more yelling, and finally Dawn runs into the kitchen. "Stop it!"
"Dawn, go to your room. This doesn't concern you."
"I can't do this," Buffy says. Mom tries to stop her from going, but Buffy shoves her and leaves.
"Don't even think about coming back!"
"You made Dad leave, now her. I hate you!"
*
Mom cries in her room and Dawn cries in hers. Finally she stops hearing noises from Mom's room, but she's still awake when she hears the front door open and then latch softly. Dawn rushes into the upstairs hallway.
Buffy puts her finger to her lips. She's been crying too. She moves like she's hurt, her back all stiff.
"What happened?" Dawn whispers. "Did you save the world?"
"This time. Go back to bed."
"I can't sleep."
"You can sleep now. I'm back, I'm okay. I've gotta go to bed. We both have school tomorrow."
In the morning, Buffy's gone.
***
Throughout the summer, Mom is either a ghost or she's totally overinvolved. She won't let Dawn spend part of the summer with Dad; all they get is a couple of long weekends.
For all the times she's wished she were an only child, it's lonely without Buffy.
Xander and Willow come by to take her to the movies, but Mom's in a mood, saying she hopes they'll be a better influence on Dawn than they were on Buffy. She lets her go with them, but they don't come back much after that.
It's the worst summer of her whole life.
***
"I'm bored," Dawn says. She's slumped at the kitchen table, head resting on crossed arms. Her mom is trying to wrestle something out of the dishwasher.
"Then you obviously need more to keep you busy. How about cleaning the basement? And get your hair off the table."
"Ooh, basement. Let me get right on that." She doesn't move.
"We can go to the library. Just give me an hour to pay bills."
Dawn never thought she'd think this, but she can't wait for school to start.
There's a knock at the front door. "I'll get it!"
Her heart stops. "Buffy!"
***
Dawn sits on Buffy's bed watching her unpack. "Are you gonna go out slaying? Where were you? I thought maybe you ran off with that Angel guy. He never came around after you left. Which was fine, because creepy. He told me you slept together, which eww. Do my young ears need to hear that? A definite no."
"Dawn -- please. I'm tired."
"You're tired? I'm the one who got left here with her. Mom was all over me all summer. I couldn't do anything. Maybe I'm tired too."
She flounces to her room, slamming the door.
Buffy, I missed you.
***
"Hey, it's the little sis."
Tossing her textbook aside, Dawn runs to meet Faith.
Dark-haired Faith is so pretty, so unapologetically not-Californian. She's all the way from Boston, and Dawn loves how she talks.
She lets Dawn try on her dark lipstick, teaches her how to boost one at the drugstore.
Boost. What a cool word. There's a tingle of excitement whenever she thinks of taking something, a thrill of danger whenever she actually does.
Faith doesn't ignore her the way Buffy does when her friends are around. She calls her "little sis," and Dawn wishes it were true.
***
Mom sends her over to Janice's house so she and Mr. Giles can have a talk about Buffy.
Mom hands her a couple of bars of band candy. "Make sure you share that with Janice's mother. She's awfully nice to let you spend so much time there."
Her house smells funny when Dawn gets there. Mrs. Penshaw is sharing a big fat cigarette with Janice. "Siddown," she says to Dawn. "I just lit up a spliff. Janice, don't bogart that, sweetie."
"Um, I dunno, Mrs. Penshaw. My mom--"
"Oh, Joyce would totally shit a brick. Who cares? Live a little."
***
"Faith is sick?"
"She fell. A long way down. She's in a coma, Dawnie. The doctors don't think she'll ever come out."
"But she's a slayer. They don't understand. She'll surprise them."
Buffy strokes Dawn's hair. "She already has. They expected her to die."
Dawn evades her touch. "I bet you're glad."
"I'm glad the Mayor didn't ascend. I'm glad more people won't die. But no, I'm not glad she's hurt."
She thinks of a stupid joke Janice told her. Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? To make up for a lousy summer.
"I want to see her."
***
"Hey, little sis. I'm meeting Buffy here. Mind if I come in?"
"Faith! I knew you'd get better!" She throws her arms around Faith.
She pushes Dawn back, a little roughly. "Yeah, nice to see you too. I'm pretty early. Let's play a game while we wait. How about spies?" Faith knows she loves playing spies.
Faith ties her up and carries her to Mom's room, where she dumps her on the bed and starts going through Mom's drawers. "Ooh, a diaphragm. Joyce."
"Hey, maybe you should--"
Faith whirls on Dawn, face hard and angry. "Maybe you should shut up."
*
"I don't like this." Dawn raises her bound wrists. "Untie me, I don't want to play anymore."
"The game's just gettin' good, little sis. Don't get your panties in a knot."
Why is she being this way? Maybe -- Dawn thinks of the look she sometimes caught on Faith's face, like someone who feels left out. "I wanted to go see you after you got hurt, but they wouldn't let me."
"Was Buffy afraid I'd taint you?"
"No. Hospital rules. I'm not old enough. Buffy went."
"Sure she did." Faith's head raises, as if listening, and then she smiles. "Mom's home."
*
"Run, Mom!" Dawn yells. "Call 9--" Then she's got Mom's favorite scarf stuffed in her mouth.
"Told you the game was just warmin' up."
Dawn screams as loud as she can -- she's seen enough TV shows to know that muffled sound is unmistakeable.
"Dawn? What's going on?" Mom's voice is getting closer.
Dawn shrieks again, hoping her mother will realize something's wrong, turn and run. Faith cuffs her on the side of the head, but Dawn doesn't stop.
Neither does her mom. "What on --"
As she pushes the door open, Faith's right there. Faith hits her, and down she goes.
*
Faith ties up Mom while she's out of it. She doesn't stick a gag in her mouth, but she doesn't take Dawn's out. Dawn puts as much hate as she can into her glare, focusing her eyes like lasers on Faith's every move. She directs so much heat and rage that she's surprised Faith doesn't just burst into flame.
When Faith finally notices she just laughs. "This is how people are, little sis. You think they like you, but they're just waiting for a chance to screw you over. Get used to it now, and it'll hurt a lot less."
*
Dawn chokes on the gag and her tears as she waits for her mom to wake up. What if she doesn't? What if Faith hit her too hard and she dies? She's killed people by accident before. According to Buffy, Mr. Giles said that happens sometimes with slayers.
What if she doesn't die, but she's just in a coma forever, like Faith?
Dawn wishes Faith had died. She's a horrible person. She's killed people -- she hurt Xander, tried to kill him. There's some big secret around it, but Dawn knows that much.
Mom moans softly and her eyes flutter open.
*
Dawn watches as Mom figures out the situation, sees the flash of fear when she realizes Faith has Dawn too. It's quickly replaced by determination -- the expression that makes Buffy say, "Look out, world. Mama Bear is here."
Faith turns from the dresser drawer she's been ransacking. "Look who's joined the party." She puts Mom's lipstick on her disgusting mouth and asks her opinion.
Mom's chin rises as she spits out an angry answer. Her fierceness gives Dawn a thrill of pride yet terrifies her at the same time.
Faith starts in on Buffy, how she's left them all behind.
*
She says the meanest things. About how Mom squirted out her kids and now that Buffy's in college she doesn't need her or care -- and gross, that is an image Dawn will never ever scrub out of her mind.
Mom is tough and smart- mouthed -- it's like she's the hero in some action movie, snarking away when the villain is making threats. Part of her admires Mom's bravery, but the other part knows this isn't a movie. They really could die.
Faith is just pointing this out --again -- when Buffy crashes in through the window.
Just like in the movies.
*
After the detective finishes questioning her, he says Dawn can go, but she clings to her mom.
We could have died, but we didn't.
Maybe that's sinking in with Buffy, too, because she seems kinda weird. Jittery and ... well, weird. She pulls away from Mom's hug, and Dawn's too.
Mom, on the other hand, is right back to being Mom. She wonders what drove Faith to be so mean and crazy. "I think she's horribly unhappy."
"I hope she is," Dawn mutters.
"Shh," Mom says. "No good comes of wishing harm on people -- even hurtful people."
Buffy rolls her eyes.
*
Just like that, Buffy announces she's taking a bath. She doesn't even ask if Dawn has to pee after all that time being tied up (not that she does -- but what if she did?). She acts like an only child -- no, like she's queen of the whole world.
"I'm sure she's just reacting to the all the adrenaline," Mom says when Dawn makes this point. "Are you desperate? I have an old coffee can in the basement."
"No. Ew. That's not even the point."
"That's what I love about my girls. There's no trauma they can't bounce right back from."
*
Then Buffy says she's going to the dorm, but she looks like she's going to the Bronze. In fact, she looks like it's Slut Night at the Bronze.
Whatever. Dawn's so over it. She's glad to have Mom to herself tonight. Even though it's late, Mom makes cocoa and they watch a movie.
She's still awake when Mr. Giles calls to tell Mom not to let Buffy in the house. She's really Faith, and Faith is Buffy.
"But they took Faith. Buffy."
Mr. Giles says shes safe with him.
"I knew it," Dawn tells Mom. "I knew it wasn't her."
*
Xander comes over Saturday and takes Dawn out for ice cream. Just her. Not Dawn tagging along with him and Buffy, or him and Anya, but having him all to herself.
"How are you doing after your big adventure?"
Dawn scowls. "Did Buffy put you up to this? Or Mom?"
"Nope. My idea entirely. I know how much you liked Faith."
"I did."
He works on his cone. She wonders if he's thinking about Faith's hands around his neck. She remembers the bruises, the shadows around his eyes.
"You know who I think she scares the most?" Xander asks. "Herself."
*
"Don't tell me you feel sorry for her," Dawn says. "She tried to kill you. After you went to help her."
"I know." Xander pauses a while, thinking. "I don't think she believed she deserved help."
"She just didn't want to admit she killed somebody. She let Buffy take the blame."
"Have you talked to your sister since she got back from LA?"
"She's too mad at Angel to have actual conversations."
"Faith turned herself in to the police."
"You mean they caught her."
"I mean she turned herself in. I guess Angel helped her see the way after all."
***
Dawn gazes at his picture. His warm, soulful brown eyes with the most incredible lashes -- it's like he's staring right back at her -- no, through her, like he can see right down to her soul.
She's had crushes before, but nothing like this. This gives her a physical thrill, a tiny flutter in a new place that isn't her heart. Now she gets what Janice has been talking about.
She writes their names in careful script in her diary. Dawn and Jonathan: 2-gether 4-ever. Dawn Levinson. Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Levinson.
She loves him so much it hurts.
*
Dawn feels deflated. Hollow. Like her center is gone. "I don't get it," she says to Buffy.
"It was some kind of mojo. Jonathan didn't really do all of those things. Any of them."
"Crap," Dawn says. "Now I'll have to write another book report." She'd been so proud, too. It was an adult book, not a YA novel.
"Maybe you can still turn it in. I bet your teacher read it too."
"It was horrible."
"I kinda liked it," Buffy says.
"No, I mean messing with people's memories . He changed everyone's whole world. I'll never forgive him for this."
******
Dawn leans against the kitchen counter, beer in hand, gazing into the amazing eyes of the amazing guy who is talking to her.
He's a twelve on the Janice-meter. Funny, she hasn't thought of Janice in forever, much less the Janice-meter. But she's never met a twelve. A twelve would've shattered eardrums during those OhmygodImetthehottestguy calls.
He flashes a modest smile. "I'll never get rich. I do it for Glory."
An iron fist squeezes her heart. Oh god. Here? Now?
Suddenly the panic ebbs. The glory. Small-G. Still, she sets down her bottle. "It's been nice. I have to go."