The Pawnee Mystique (2/4)
Title: The Pawnee Mystique (2/4)
Pairing: Leslie/Ben
Rating: NC-17
Ben is on their couch, using his iPad to stealthily check on his JJ's waffle iron bid (he keeps bidding against someone named Future Mrs. Tiger Woods), when he hears Leslie sigh beside him...and not for the first time that evening. Every so often he steals a glance at her--head against the arm rest, big book open and propped up just below her chest, knees bent, with her bare feet tucked under his thighs where he sits beside her.
After they'd gotten home, she had gone on and on about tradition, the importance of the annual Ted dunking, but then also how Ted had cracked an egg on her face, reminding Ben of just how hot she was when she was wound up about something (but honestly, he was a little pissed at this Ted guy, even if he does get his point).
But after dinner, and a dark chocolate cupcake covered with multicolored sprinkles for her, Leslie had changed out of her work clothes and into some black stretchy pants paired with a soft, worn Parks Department t-shirt, (and no bra...what? Of course he noticed that), and had finally settled down next to him on the couch. The over-sized pages of the Pawnee Town Charter and a book he recognized as holding Pawnee's long, long history of asinine legal statutes spread out around her. She's been mostly quiet the last half hour or so, save for an occasional glance at him and some sighs.
When he was a state auditor, one of his favorite things to do in a new town was to look up the obscure and mostly forgotten laws that had never been repealed. And Pawnee did not disappoint.
In Muncie, it was illegal for more than three clowns to stand on a street corner at once. But in Pawnee, all menstruating women were to be confined to their bathtubs. Buffalo meat could be used as currency, and, oh, so many other gems. It was no contest--his newly adopted hometown had the most cringe-worthy, ridiculous, nonsensical statutes and out-dated laws he had ever seen.
He's since come to accept it as part of the Pawnee mystique, much like rampant diabetes, raccoon attacks, Li'l Sebastian, inappropriately violent murals in government buildings, and using AltaVista for web searches.
But this--is interesting. The way she's acting while reading through the book's pages. Almost like she's...getting turned on? He studies the screen of his iPad more intently while trying to wrap his head around this new development. But unless she's got some sort of a menstrual-bathtub fetish (and although she does like to take hot baths then, except for a couple of times, she's never really seemed interested in anything more than a back rub and a glass of wine), so the only possible source of this could be the statutes that call for--
"Oh my god," Leslie starts suddenly, making him jump, before nudging his thigh with her toes for emphasis. "That wasn't even the whole statute from 1868. Listen to this, The punishment for a woman who raises her voice to a land-owning male is an egg in the face...," she pauses for effect before continuing, "a night in jail, or her husband may intervene, immediately take her home, and spank her. That's seriously still a law!"
Ben directs his full attention to his wife, an amused expression on his face. "That's insane."
He watches closely as she gets a little worked up before continuing. "I know! And that's not all...there are at least--" Leslie starts counting as she's turning the pages in the book. "20, 21, 22...26 offenses that end like that! And that's not even including the laws in the charter." She motions to the loose pages spread across their coffee table. "Everything from showing your ankles outside before noon, to challenging a land owning man on the day's weather forecast ends the same way. This is just ridiculous!"
Ben makes another face, nods his head in agreement, and decides to mess with her just a bit, if for no other reason than to buy himself a little more time to process what he thinks is going on.
"Completely ridiculous. I mean, good lord, I would seriously not have time to do anything else. I would have to quit my job and just be available around the clock to come collect you, immediately take you home, and spank you."
She stares at him for a full 10 seconds, blinking rapidly, before indignation starts burning in her bright blue eyes. "This is funny to you?"
"No! I mean a little. But not really. Kind of?" He sighs before continuing, answering honestly, "Leslie, of course those laws are completely ridiculous, antiquated, and grossly misogynistic. The city council should repeal them--no question. I just mean, if those laws had to be theoretically applied here, in a purely consensual and hypothetical manner...I would be exhausted." He finishes, unable to hold in a snort of laughter any longer.
She narrows her eyes at him, tries to make her angry, resolved face, but ends up failing miserably, and instead seems to settle for what looks like a still-not-that-amused huff, as she kicks him lightly in the thigh. "I don't think you would actually have to quit your job, Ben."
"Oh really?"
She rolls her eyes, trying not to laugh. "You could probably work part-time."
He takes her tentative joke as permission to laugh outright before continuing. "Right. Just today I'm guessing you raised your voice at Tom, then probably yelled at Jamm, and you ate more than half the food on your plate in public. And you're probably going to raise your voice at me in a minute or two." He pauses, then adds, "Although, I can't really see you churning butter in front of a man who isn't your husband, so you're probably safe there."
"That doesn't even--Who does that? But still, you're not a land-owner. We rent," she says, keeping her voice low and even.
He shrugs, holding in another chuckle. "My name is on the lease. That qualifies as land owning. Page 167, " Ben says with a nod towards the book in her hands.
"But I was the one that found the house! My name is on the lease too!" Leslie practically whine-yells.
"Um, technically, according to the Pawnee City Ordinance regarding such matters, no. That doesn't count. Page 170," he shoots back. "And you just raised your voice to me, so..." he raises an eyebrow suggestively.
"How do you even know all of this?"
"I was Assistant City Manager for almost a year--it was my job to know the statutes, Leslie," when she raises an eyebrow, he adds, laughing, "Okay, not really, I just like looking up old, obscure city laws. I think they're funny."
After rolling her eyes, she continues. "Well, Jamm is a total ass and he deserved to be yelled at."
"He's definitely a total ass and of course he did. But he owns a house. So, that's a lot of nights in jail, babe. Or, you know, a lot of time across my lap for some spankings," he answers suggestively.
Leslie's momentarily speechless and unless Ben is mistaken, blushing just a bit, before she answers, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
He shrugs again, gives a little smile. Decides to just throw it out there. "You might."
"Ben!"
“What? It's okay to like that, Leslie. Remember, after I got back from DC and we watched that Revolutionary War documentary? And then we were...exploring some of history's events further, Betsy Ross seemed to be into it when Carl von Donop gave her a few friendly pats on the bottom."
"She was trying to distract him from sending his forces to the Battle of Trenton! She was a patriot who sacrificed for her country!"
"Of course she was...Betsy just also liked getting her backside a little warmed up. These are not mutually exclusive things. Plus," and here he takes a breath before continuing, "You've been sitting here for the last 20 minutes with your face in that book, reading the same few pages over and over. I've been watching you. The change in your breathing pattern, the blushing, the occasional sighs, and the biggest tell--you've rubbed your thighs together a handful of times."
"So what?" She asks defiantly.
"So, based on all of this, and the Betsy/Carl situation, I've deduced, quite correctly I think, that while you believe these laws are no doubt stupid and offensive, you, my dear, are getting all hot and bothered by the idea of me spanking you."
He knows he must look especially smug, but he can't help it. Especially as he takes in her shocked, deer-in-the-headlights expression. Yeah, he's totally right on this. He resists the urge to hold his hand up for a high five.
"I--what? That's crazy--I'm not--"
He ignores her feeble attempts at deflection--further evidence that he's clearly on the right track. "I've been watching a lot of Sherlock lately and I think I've picked up a few tips about making observations," he explains excitedly, then continues. "Besides, you totally liked that von Donop move, so don't even try to deny it."
"Betsy liked it! Whatever. I was in character. What? You're stupid."
"Uh-huh. If you want me spank you, just ask. Besides, I'm going to know if you like it anyway, because I'll be able to see how wet you are when..."
"Ben, these are horrible laws!"
"They absolutely are. But I'm not talking about punishing you for yelling at Jamm, which honestly, I encourage. Or even about those stupid laws. I'm talking about...acting on something that turns you on. And if this is doing it for you, you know that I'm perfectly happy to help out."
He's still smiling but no longer laughing when he asks, "Is that okay?"
He watches her groan, close her eyes, and then take a deep breath, before answering, "That's okay."
Part 3 -->
Pairing: Leslie/Ben
Rating: NC-17
Ben is on their couch, using his iPad to stealthily check on his JJ's waffle iron bid (he keeps bidding against someone named Future Mrs. Tiger Woods), when he hears Leslie sigh beside him...and not for the first time that evening. Every so often he steals a glance at her--head against the arm rest, big book open and propped up just below her chest, knees bent, with her bare feet tucked under his thighs where he sits beside her.
After they'd gotten home, she had gone on and on about tradition, the importance of the annual Ted dunking, but then also how Ted had cracked an egg on her face, reminding Ben of just how hot she was when she was wound up about something (but honestly, he was a little pissed at this Ted guy, even if he does get his point).
But after dinner, and a dark chocolate cupcake covered with multicolored sprinkles for her, Leslie had changed out of her work clothes and into some black stretchy pants paired with a soft, worn Parks Department t-shirt, (and no bra...what? Of course he noticed that), and had finally settled down next to him on the couch. The over-sized pages of the Pawnee Town Charter and a book he recognized as holding Pawnee's long, long history of asinine legal statutes spread out around her. She's been mostly quiet the last half hour or so, save for an occasional glance at him and some sighs.
When he was a state auditor, one of his favorite things to do in a new town was to look up the obscure and mostly forgotten laws that had never been repealed. And Pawnee did not disappoint.
In Muncie, it was illegal for more than three clowns to stand on a street corner at once. But in Pawnee, all menstruating women were to be confined to their bathtubs. Buffalo meat could be used as currency, and, oh, so many other gems. It was no contest--his newly adopted hometown had the most cringe-worthy, ridiculous, nonsensical statutes and out-dated laws he had ever seen.
He's since come to accept it as part of the Pawnee mystique, much like rampant diabetes, raccoon attacks, Li'l Sebastian, inappropriately violent murals in government buildings, and using AltaVista for web searches.
But this--is interesting. The way she's acting while reading through the book's pages. Almost like she's...getting turned on? He studies the screen of his iPad more intently while trying to wrap his head around this new development. But unless she's got some sort of a menstrual-bathtub fetish (and although she does like to take hot baths then, except for a couple of times, she's never really seemed interested in anything more than a back rub and a glass of wine), so the only possible source of this could be the statutes that call for--
"Oh my god," Leslie starts suddenly, making him jump, before nudging his thigh with her toes for emphasis. "That wasn't even the whole statute from 1868. Listen to this, The punishment for a woman who raises her voice to a land-owning male is an egg in the face...," she pauses for effect before continuing, "a night in jail, or her husband may intervene, immediately take her home, and spank her. That's seriously still a law!"
Ben directs his full attention to his wife, an amused expression on his face. "That's insane."
He watches closely as she gets a little worked up before continuing. "I know! And that's not all...there are at least--" Leslie starts counting as she's turning the pages in the book. "20, 21, 22...26 offenses that end like that! And that's not even including the laws in the charter." She motions to the loose pages spread across their coffee table. "Everything from showing your ankles outside before noon, to challenging a land owning man on the day's weather forecast ends the same way. This is just ridiculous!"
Ben makes another face, nods his head in agreement, and decides to mess with her just a bit, if for no other reason than to buy himself a little more time to process what he thinks is going on.
"Completely ridiculous. I mean, good lord, I would seriously not have time to do anything else. I would have to quit my job and just be available around the clock to come collect you, immediately take you home, and spank you."
She stares at him for a full 10 seconds, blinking rapidly, before indignation starts burning in her bright blue eyes. "This is funny to you?"
"No! I mean a little. But not really. Kind of?" He sighs before continuing, answering honestly, "Leslie, of course those laws are completely ridiculous, antiquated, and grossly misogynistic. The city council should repeal them--no question. I just mean, if those laws had to be theoretically applied here, in a purely consensual and hypothetical manner...I would be exhausted." He finishes, unable to hold in a snort of laughter any longer.
She narrows her eyes at him, tries to make her angry, resolved face, but ends up failing miserably, and instead seems to settle for what looks like a still-not-that-amused huff, as she kicks him lightly in the thigh. "I don't think you would actually have to quit your job, Ben."
"Oh really?"
She rolls her eyes, trying not to laugh. "You could probably work part-time."
He takes her tentative joke as permission to laugh outright before continuing. "Right. Just today I'm guessing you raised your voice at Tom, then probably yelled at Jamm, and you ate more than half the food on your plate in public. And you're probably going to raise your voice at me in a minute or two." He pauses, then adds, "Although, I can't really see you churning butter in front of a man who isn't your husband, so you're probably safe there."
"That doesn't even--Who does that? But still, you're not a land-owner. We rent," she says, keeping her voice low and even.
He shrugs, holding in another chuckle. "My name is on the lease. That qualifies as land owning. Page 167, " Ben says with a nod towards the book in her hands.
"But I was the one that found the house! My name is on the lease too!" Leslie practically whine-yells.
"Um, technically, according to the Pawnee City Ordinance regarding such matters, no. That doesn't count. Page 170," he shoots back. "And you just raised your voice to me, so..." he raises an eyebrow suggestively.
"How do you even know all of this?"
"I was Assistant City Manager for almost a year--it was my job to know the statutes, Leslie," when she raises an eyebrow, he adds, laughing, "Okay, not really, I just like looking up old, obscure city laws. I think they're funny."
After rolling her eyes, she continues. "Well, Jamm is a total ass and he deserved to be yelled at."
"He's definitely a total ass and of course he did. But he owns a house. So, that's a lot of nights in jail, babe. Or, you know, a lot of time across my lap for some spankings," he answers suggestively.
Leslie's momentarily speechless and unless Ben is mistaken, blushing just a bit, before she answers, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
He shrugs again, gives a little smile. Decides to just throw it out there. "You might."
"Ben!"
“What? It's okay to like that, Leslie. Remember, after I got back from DC and we watched that Revolutionary War documentary? And then we were...exploring some of history's events further, Betsy Ross seemed to be into it when Carl von Donop gave her a few friendly pats on the bottom."
"She was trying to distract him from sending his forces to the Battle of Trenton! She was a patriot who sacrificed for her country!"
"Of course she was...Betsy just also liked getting her backside a little warmed up. These are not mutually exclusive things. Plus," and here he takes a breath before continuing, "You've been sitting here for the last 20 minutes with your face in that book, reading the same few pages over and over. I've been watching you. The change in your breathing pattern, the blushing, the occasional sighs, and the biggest tell--you've rubbed your thighs together a handful of times."
"So what?" She asks defiantly.
"So, based on all of this, and the Betsy/Carl situation, I've deduced, quite correctly I think, that while you believe these laws are no doubt stupid and offensive, you, my dear, are getting all hot and bothered by the idea of me spanking you."
He knows he must look especially smug, but he can't help it. Especially as he takes in her shocked, deer-in-the-headlights expression. Yeah, he's totally right on this. He resists the urge to hold his hand up for a high five.
"I--what? That's crazy--I'm not--"
He ignores her feeble attempts at deflection--further evidence that he's clearly on the right track. "I've been watching a lot of Sherlock lately and I think I've picked up a few tips about making observations," he explains excitedly, then continues. "Besides, you totally liked that von Donop move, so don't even try to deny it."
"Betsy liked it! Whatever. I was in character. What? You're stupid."
"Uh-huh. If you want me spank you, just ask. Besides, I'm going to know if you like it anyway, because I'll be able to see how wet you are when..."
"Ben, these are horrible laws!"
"They absolutely are. But I'm not talking about punishing you for yelling at Jamm, which honestly, I encourage. Or even about those stupid laws. I'm talking about...acting on something that turns you on. And if this is doing it for you, you know that I'm perfectly happy to help out."
He's still smiling but no longer laughing when he asks, "Is that okay?"
He watches her groan, close her eyes, and then take a deep breath, before answering, "That's okay."
Part 3 -->