Drabbles 4
Rating: G- R
Summary: 1. Sexting at Chris's condo, 2. There's More Than One Way to Build a Solar System, 3. One Time April and Andy (but Mostly April) Wished Ben Would Just Move in with Leslie Already, 4. Winter Olympics, 5. 100 Orgasms, 6. 32 Cats and Dogs, 7. Sexy bruises, 8. DILF, 9. Ben singing Sonia to sleep, 10. You forgot to say the magic word
1. Sexting at Chris's condo
Rating: hard R
Notes: For the prompt - AU Road Trip where Ben and Leslie sext, while she is in the guest room and he is on the couch.
She can’t sleep. Which really isn’t that weird, because, hello? Leslie Knope is not the kind of person who typically goes to bed at ten PM, but she really needed to get away from Ben.
Well…no. Not get away from him, so much as get away from Ben and Chris. Get away from Chris make-out blocking her all night.
But this is ridiculous-she’s in Chris’s guest bedroom hours before she’d normally try to go to sleep even if she wasn’t all worked up over the day’s events and she’s certainly not going to sleep anytime soon.
Leslie kicks the organic cotton, down-alternative comforter off in fit of frustration.
She wonders if Ben is having a hard time trying to sleep too. Tossing and turning, his hair getting all tousled. Maybe he pushes his covers down and…
Okay. That was not helpful.
Maybe she should get up and get a glass of water? And if she accidentally walks by the couch and…No. No. No.
She should text Ann. Have Ann text her back Leslie’s script to herself.
Whatever she does, she should absolutely not think about how Ben had told the Indiana Little League Committee that Pawnee was special. Or how later at dinner he told her that thought the town had nice blonde hair.
Or how the combination of Ben and red wine had made her lady-parts all tingly and warm earlier.
Yep. She definitely needs her Code Ben script and also to get her head on straight about this.
Leslie grabs her phone and…texts Ben. ‘Hi. I had a really nice time today.’
What could one quick message hurt? It’s just a quick, simple text. It lets him know that she liked spending time with him as a colleague and that-
Her phone vibrates with his response. ‘I had a nice time too. Can’t sleep?’
She types out, ‘Nope. It’s so early’ and taps her finger on send.
'I know. I'm watching TV. Flipping thru channels.'
Leslie is typing a response about whether or not he found a Star Trek episode on (because he is a nerd-an adorable, hot, sexy nerd) when Ben adds, ‘Want to come watch TV with me?’
Leslie groans and backspaces over her previous words. Instead she types, ‘Yes. But I don’t think that’s a great idea :(‘
'I know. But…'
There isn’t a new message for a couple of minutes. Leslie picks up her phone and types out, ‘want to come to my room and…talk?’ she deletes talk and types ‘make out?’ instead.
"Oh my god, you can’t send that," she tells herself and backspaces the whole line of text into nothing. She groans again, loud enough that she’s kind of afraid maybe Ben heard it. As if confirming her suspicions, her phone vibrates seconds later.
'Even though you have weird taste in music, I enjoyed the car ride today'
Leslie smiles. ‘Me too’
Before he responds, she types ‘Ann and I made an anti-seduction playlist for the trip. That’s why it was weird. I was trying to NOT seduce you. because of all the stupid rules.’ She sends it before she can change her mind.
She doesn’t have to wait long before Ben asks her, ‘Al Green is anti-seduction?’
Leslie laughs. ‘Ann snuck that one on because she is a beautiful,devious bastard’
Ben gives her a smiley face in response.
'What would have been on your playlist for the trip. if you weren't trying to anti-seduce me and NOT make me not want to kiss you?'
Leslie grins. ‘Sarah McLachlan. Natalie Merchant….Al Green was good.’
'I think that would have worked. Al Green really made me want to kiss you today' Then another word bubble appears with, 'but I mean the banjo music worked too. and also Jimmy Carter was…moving'
Leslie’s eyes widen and she giggles. She starts to type back when Ben tells her, ‘sorry. that was weird. the 39th president doesn’t really do anything for me. like that.’
'god. it's so hot that you know he was the 39th president,' Leslie types back quickly.
'oh yeah? what if i told you that i could name all the presidents in order?'
'i'd say we really need to make out with each other asap'
She knows this is bad. This is really bad. They’re sending flirty, suggestive texts back and forth to each other and Chris is just down the hall. And yet…she just can’t help herself. He is the light bulb that she wants to make out with, damn it.
After a couple of minutes, when the guest room door doesn’t quietly open up, and Ben doesn’t slip into her room, Leslie’s both disappointed and relieved.
But then Ben’s next text arrives and it makes her suck in her breath.
”I’m a couple of minutes away from doing something really inappropriate on Chris’s couch. also, jimmy carter would probably not approve.’
Leslie stares at her phone’s screen. Before she can respond, Ben sends a new text. ‘sorry i probably shouldn’t have typed that’
'no'
Crap on a baseball. That’s not what she meant! She quickly texts, ‘no i mean no, you don’t have to be sorry!’ She hits send as fast as she can.
Then Leslie tries to explain herself better but it’s so hard to type out everything she wants to say to Ben, so she just settles for, ‘i pulled my pants down when you said jimmy carter was the 39th president’ because it’s the truth and also because, god, she really wants Ben to know that.
And she definitely wants Ben to think about her without pants on.
'oh my god' is his fast response.
Leslie bends her knees and props her phone up against her thigh and slides her hand down into her underwear.
'are you really…?' she slowly types with one hand.
'yeah' Ben tells her. 'and now I'm thinking about you doing the same thing'
She shudders as she touches her clit. Tries to imagine that it’s Ben’s fingers or god, maybe his tongue. She moans and then freezes.
'i heard that'
'good' she messages back. 'I'm thinking about your fingers being where mine are.' Then Leslie adds, wanting to make sure he understands, 'my fingers are in my underwear'
'you should pull your underwear all the way down'
"Oh god," Leslie tells the empty room. Ben telling her to do that…even via a silly, cartoon-y text bubble is definitely working for her.
Leslie moves her phone, slides her black cotton panties down over her hips and up over her knees so that they’re down by her pants. She puts the phone back so it’s propped up against her leg again so she can slowly type with her right hand, while she uses her left to get off.
It’s not ideal but it’s…sexy. The way Chris’s super soft and stupid hypo-allergenic cotton sheets feel under her bare ass, the way Ben is so close to her as she fingers herself.
'i really wish you were in here'
Leslie pictures him just a few feet away in the living room. He’s probably got the covers up and over himself just in case Chris comes out to use the bathroom again, but underneath the blanket he’s all hard, and Ben’s stroking himself, and thinking about her as he does it.
She also comes to the conclusion that it’s really hard to type and masturbate at the same time.
'me too. i wish i was spreading you open and making you Gandalf'
What?
She makes a confused face while looking at her phone. What does that even mean? But then it’s starting and Leslie just has time to read the next message briefly before her eyes snap shut and she shudders and her hips jerk and she has to bite the inside of her mouth to keep from crying out.
'go crazy. fuck. stupid auto-correct. i want to make you go crazy, leslie'
Leslie laughs and orgasms at the same time.
She thinks she hears Ben moan and come a few seconds later but it’s also possible that she’s just imagining it, hearing what she wants so badly to both see and hear-the way his hips thrust forward when he loses control, the way his mouth opens and he tries so hard not to make any noise, but he just can’t keep the gasps in.
Ben’s next text is short but it make her heart flutter. ‘hi that was sexy. you are so sexy’
'hi' she texts back, 'you are too. next time we should definitely Gandalf in person'
____
2. There's More Than One Way to Build a Solar System
Rating: G
"Hey. What’s happening in here?"
Having woken up a few minutes ago and all alone in bed, Ben went on a quick search for his wife, and he finds her in their den.
Leslie is hard at work on something and has a mess spread out on the large tan and green throw rug-twine, paints, styrofoam balls, and…wait, is that the beginnings of a paper-mâché Earth?
"Oh, uh, just a craft project," she responds quickly. She’s wearing plaid pajama pants that he saw her in earlier and her old Pawnee Goddesses t-shirt. She’s got a smudge of blue paint on her nose that looks adorable.
Of course it’s also one in the morning and he’d much rather be snuggling with her in their warm, cozy bed. But still, the paint makes Ben smile, even as he gets ready to shut this down.
"Huh. Okay. Because it kind of looks like you’re doing our son’s science homework for him."
”Whaaaat?” She asks, fooling no one.
"I know. It’s crazy. But, that’s pretty much exactly what this looks like," Ben responds.
"What kind of a teacher asks a first-grader to make the solar system right off the bat?"
"Babe, I’m pretty sure he was just supposed to draw it. So, that seems kind of fair. Besides, I saw his project earlier, he did a really good job."
"Of course he did. It was amazing. But a model is even better," Leslie informs him.
"Sure, but…" he looks closer at her project. "Hey, are you making this to scale?"
"What?"
"Your planets. It looks like they’re going to be the same distance from one another?"
"Oh, well, it’s not exactly, technically to scale. But all the other details are right. It looks good. Check out the eye on Jupiter. I used a marbling technique and-"
"Yeah. But if it’s not really accurate…" Ben says and then trails off as he grabs his laptop from the coffee table and sits down beside her on the floor. "You can’t just add the planets willy-nilly, Leslie.”
"Willy-nilly?" She repeats, smirking at him.
"That’s what I said," he responds, typing quickly on his laptop. "When they are closest, which is probably what you want to show, Mars is 33.9 million miles from the Earth and Venus is away 38 million miles away. Yours are just all evenly spaced. That’s not right."
"Really? Because that sounds like it’s practically the same on a small model."
"No it’s not…the difference is more than four million miles! I mean, sure, the visible distance on a model this size would be close, but not exact. If you’re going to cheat and do his project for him, you need to do it right.”
"Mine is right!" Leslie tells him, a bit of heat in her voice that doesn’t really surprise him at all. "And besides, mine looks like a well-crafted model, Ben. Tell you what-I’m going to continue to finish my work and make a good model, nay, an excellent solar system model and you, sir, can just sit there and make your,” she air quotes, “completely, boringly accurate model if you dare, and we’ll see which one gets a better grade.”
"You really want to do this? Because I’m telling you, accuracy is important and-"
"Did I stutter?" She interrupts, making him really want to kiss her. She’s so incredibly sexy when she’s being stubborn. But also, he really wants to win this solar system showdown-because he’s definitely right.
So fine. The kissing can wait.
Ben only pauses for a second or two, and then he’s looking up the numbers on his laptop and building a solar system.
The next couple of hours pass quickly and quietly, both Ben and Leslie painting, gluing, and assembling their six year-old son’s homework projects. Every so often, one steals a glance the other’s progress. He has to admit, stylistically, Leslie’s solar system is pretty impressive, much better looking than his…but his is correct.
At around three-thirty, Leslie interrupts just as Ben is finding the exact spot on Saturn to attach his wire rings.
"Okay, this is…not sustainable."
"What?" He stops his work and looks over at her.
"Babe. We have three kids. They are all going to get assignments like this. We can not do this every time."
"I…" he looks around their complete mess of a den-it looks like a craft store exploded. Good lord, what the hell are they doing? It’s going on four AM. "Oh my god."
"This is crazy," she tells him.
"It is. I just…I mean…How did this happen?"
"His drawing is great. And completely age-appropriate."
"It really is," Ben agrees.
"He should turn that in."
"Yeah."
"And we should go to bed," Leslie says, giving Ben a sleepy smile. He grins back.
"That’s what I came in here to tell you. And then…it’s just a blur. Oh god, I’m so tired. And I think I glued my fingers together."
"Come here, honey," she holds out her hand and he takes it, using the hand without the glue-situation. They get up together and Leslie leads him over to the couch. "Let’s take a nap here and then clean up."
"That’s a wonderful idea," he says, pulling her down on top of him, finally kissing her lips.
"I think you paper-mâchéd your hair a little," Ben reaches through her blonde locks and pulls away some wet newspaper strands, before she lays her head down on his chest and her hips press down comfortingly against his.
"Hey, you glued a pipe cleaner to you pajama top," Leslie tells him, trying not to laugh. "Sexy."
____
3. One Time April and Andy (but Mostly April) Wished Ben Would Just Move in with Leslie Already
Rating: R
It’s just after midnight on a Wednesday when Ben pauses their make-out session and quietly slips out of his room, quickly heading for the kitchen. The search for whipped cream is easy, it’s still right where he left it (a minor miracle in this house), in the back, behind the milk.
He smiles to himself as he thinks about how it’ll taste when he licks it off of Leslie’s skin in a few minutes-her shoulders, maybe the side of her breast, while he’s kissing a path down her spine. He’s so lost in thought that when he turns around, Ben doesn’t notice April and Andy sitting at the kitchen table in the dark, eating a bowl of pudding.
Not until April’s voice startles him from his thoughts.
"Oh my god! Gross!"
"What? Oh! Oh, god!" Ben shouts in shock and surprise and it takes him a few seconds to realize that both of his roommates are sitting there, staring at him with wide eyes. Specifically, his pajama pants. Super specifically, Ben’s incredibly obvious erection. "Oh my god."
"Dude!" Andy exclaims, starting to grin. "Are you and Leslie going to have sex now? With whipped cream? Oh…can we have some for the pudding first?"
"Oh my god," Ben repeats, clearly flustered. He feels panic and embarrassment shoot through him, gluing him to the spot on the floor, right in front of the refrigerator. He almost shoves the can of whipped cream back into the fridge and runs, but really, at this point, it’s all pretty obvious.
Instead he gets it together and holds the whipped cream down in front of his pants, as he turns around and starts walking towards his bedroom as fast as he can.
He can still hear April muttering, “Ew. Other people live here too, you know,” as he shuts the door behind him and leans against it in relief.
"Babe?" Leslie asks from the bed, all tousled and naked, right where he left her just moments ago. "Did you get it?"
When he tells her what happened, Leslie can’t stop giggling, and pretty soon Ben’s laughing too.
And then he’s deciding that the whipped cream tastes even better than he thought it would.
____
4. Winter Olympics
Notes: Three sentence fic. Topic: the Winter Olympics
He knows she loves ice skating-that at home in her chaotic disaster of a bedroom closet, Leslie has a box of videotapes of the 1992 Winter Olympics that she recorded from TV, and that she would watch the one with Kristi Yamaguchi’s short program and free skate over and over again. In the meeting (the one Ben absolutely does not want to be sitting in now, especially when Leslie’s just across the table from him in that low-cut, dark pink blouse that he’s trying so hard not to notice), when she excitedly talks about putting up a temporary skating rink in Ramsett Park over the upcoming holidays, he can clearly picture her as a 17 year-old, watching that video, probably while drinking a mug of hot cocoa with whipped cream before bed.
Yeah, while he sits in this excruciating Parks Department meeting with Leslie, Ron, Chris, and Tom, Ben tries really hard not to notice Leslie’s low-cut blouse, just like he’s trying not to be in absolute awe of her passion and enthusiasm, or think about the box of videotapes, or remember how she would squirm and giggle when he’d put his tongue in her belly button, or how she would wake up in the middle of the night to jot ideas down in the notebook she keeps on her bedside table-all of them things that, no matter how hard he tries not to, he completely, ridiculously loves about his ex-girlfriend.
___
5. 100 Orgasms
Rating: R
Notes: Celebrating 100 followers on Tumblr.
It’s when they’re lying in bed later, Leslie’s bare leg casually thrown over Ben’s, that she sits up suddenly and looks at him with wide eyes. He watches as she turns over and stretches her arm to reach and open the drawer in her bedside table.
"What’s happening?" He asks, clearly puzzled.
"I think…" she trails off as she finds a specific page in a small red notebook and starts studying it. Is she doing math? In bed?
Ben rolls over so that he’s practically laying on top of her, looking over her shoulder to see what she’s up to.
"What is that?" It’s a bunch of hash marks, like she’s been keeping track and counting something.
"95, 96, 97, 98, 99…100!" She turns to smile at him, after making the line across the last four pen strokes.
"What? 100 what?"
"You’ve made me come 100 times!"
Ben stares at her.
Yes, this is the woman he’s chosen to love. Planner of elaborate Valentine’s Day scavenger hunts, Pawnee city council candidate, lover of waffles, whipped cream, government, and owls (not necessarily in that order), excellent bowler, and counter of orgasms.
She’s still smiling at him, propped up on her elbows, her full breasts pressed against the mattress. The polka dot sheet is pooled around her waist and he just has to lean down and kiss her bare back. And then he really needs to ask, “You’ve been keeping track of that? Seriously?”
"Yep!" She shows him the notebook more clearly-spreads it open on the pillow in front of them. There are a bunch of black pen marks, then a line dividing the page up, then even more marks on the lower half of the page.
"So…those are all the…orgasms that you’ve had with me?"
"Yes. But I didn’t count the ones I gave myself when I thought about you or anything. You had to earn all of these.”
He looks at the notebook and then at her. “Wow. Okay. Um, wow.”
Leslie points to the page. “These are from before,” she moves her finger down to the bottom, “and these were after we got back together.”
"So I didn’t have to start over or anything after we said screw it?”
"No, you got credit for the first 35. It only seemed fair."
"Sure," Ben agrees nodding.
"See," Leslie gestures to one mark that is surrounded by tiny red heart stickers. The very first mark on the second half of the page. "This was the night we got back together." She squints. "Oh, wait, these three marks are from that night. And I think this one was the next morning.”
"Uh-huh," Ben smiles at her, grabs the notebook, and tosses it onto the bedside table.
"You are a huge goofball," he tells her, but as he does he’s laughing and leading her over onto her back. Ben ducks in to kiss her.
"What was that for?" Leslie asks, after he pulls back and starts to tug the sheet away from her body.
"I’m going to start on my next 100 right now."
____
6. 32 Cats and Dogs
Notes: Dialogue prompt - "Last time I ask you for a favor." Takes place during Live Ammo.
"Well…I mean…," Leslie shakes her head like she’s trying to think of something to say before blurting out, "Last time I ask you for a favor!"
"What? How did I-"
"Nope. Sorry, I was just trying to confuse you so that you’d forget about the 32 cats and dogs. And the pig. And a snake in the…" she gestures towards the aquarium sitting on the coffee table.
"Well, that’s not going to happen. Because uh…" as he’s talking, a white and black cat wanders to the edge of the kitchen table and starts to rub its face against Ben’s grey pajama pants. He widens his eyes, holds his hands up, and gives Leslie an exasperated look.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. But it’s not permanent."
"It shouldn’t really be temporary." As he says this, Ben starts petting the cat, smiling as it begins to lean into his hand.
"You like cats?" Leslie asks, walking closer to Ben and his new feline friend.
"Well, I don’t dislike them. We had a dog growing up, for awhile anyway, but yeah, I like cats. Dogs too. But, back to the point-I feel like the biggest question is not only why are there this many dogs, cats…and a pig in my house, because I think I get that, but why didn’t you just take them to your house?”
"Ben, I couldn’t. I’d never be able to find them all again."
He nods. “Yeah, alright. I will accept that answer.”
"It’s just for a few days. Until I can figure out how to get the animal shelter funding back."
"Leslie…" he starts.
"No. I’ll figure this out. I brought the budget binders home and there’s got to be something there to cut. Something that won’t affect anything else that I care about. Maybe you could help me look? Work your hard-ass accounting mojo? In the meantime, I meant it about the pancakes. I can make you pancakes. Honey.”
"I don’t want pancakes, babe."
"Waffles? Or maybe…oh, a little Khaleesi action in the…" she winks at him and quirks her neck towards his bedroom.
"Um, no, that’s not going to work, Leslie," Ben pauses like he’s reconsidering, then shakes his head. "No. No. No. What I think is-"
"You have to pay extra rent for all your pets, Ben," April says, walking into the kitchen in her pajamas.
"These aren’t my pets."
"Well, they’re not mine, Andy’s, or Champion’s. So that’s $1500 extra a month. Cash only," she holds out her hand.
"April, it’s just a temporary situation. Ben had nothing to do with it," Leslie explains. "Think of them as very furry…house-guests."
"Sure. Try to cover for your weird boyfriend and his furry…" she puts air quotes around the word, "house-guests.”
"Okay, cool it. The cats and dogs are just temporary. Just until…oh my god, is that a rabbit on the stove-top?" Ben asks, taking a step back.
"Yeah. That’s Lady Bun-Bun. Or maybe Lord Bun-Bun. I didn’t actually-"
"You named it?" Ben interrupts, incredulous, while April tells him, "Rabbits are $25 extra per day, perv."
___
7. Sexy bruises
Notes: Five sentence fic...okay, it's 6-7 sentences.
Leslie wakes to feather light kisses running a path along her bare right hip. It feels nice, but it also hurts a little too-not Ben’s lips and the gentle attention he’s devoting to her skin of course, but her actual hip, right where she banged into the garbage truck the day before.
"It’s a huge bruise, right?" She asks, opening her eyes and looking up at the top of his messy bed head, peeking up from where the sheets are pulled down around her.
"Well, it’s pretty big," he agrees, before continuing to tenderly nuzzle the mottled purplish spot running along her hip’s curve.
"Yeah, but I got it in the name of equality and tearing down symbolic feminist obstacles," Leslie tells him proudly, as she runs her fingers through his hair.
Ben smiles when he looks up at her. “I know. You’re so sexy when you’re overcoming stereotypes and kicking ass, babe.”
____
8. DILF
Notes: Zip Me - a drabble about one character dressing another, or the other way around.
It’s after they’ve eaten the breakfast calzones (pizza dough folded over and stuffed with scrambled eggs, sausage, cheese, and baked), they’ve finished watching Ben’s top three favorite episodes of Star Trek: Next Generation (The Naked Now, I, Borg, and Q-pid-“I am not a merry man,” said out loud along with Worf, as Leslie rolled her eyes next to him on the couch ), and their eight-month old triplets are finally down for a nap, that Leslie hands him what he assumes is the first of many wrapped Father’s Day presents.
And that’s only because she has the well-known tendency to go completely, thoughtfully overboard when it comes to celebrations and gifts. Like a calzone breakfast, a TNG marathon while cuddled up with the babies, and the promise of a very special treat for later already delivered-and it’s only noon.
Leslie grins and giggles as she hands him the brightly-striped gift bag.
"Is this for me?"
"Yeah," she confirms, practically bouncing up and down.
Ben drags it out on purpose because he knows how anxious and antsy Leslie gets when she hands him a present. It’s ridiculously adorable.
"Is it from the kids?"
"No. It’s from me."
"For Father’s Day? Or…?"
"Oh my god Ben, just open it."
He shakes the bag. “Hmmm, maybe I should save this for after my special treat? Remember, I was promised a special roller skating show as part of my now annual, I-impregnated-you celebration,” he raises an eyebrow at her suggestively.
"This is first. And the roller skating thing doesn’t happen until later tonight. After the triplets are completely down for the night. You know that. Less chance of getting interrupted. Now open your present!"
"Okay, well, I guess I could open this present now," he teases, before reaching in quickly and pulling out a t-shirt. He holds it out, slowly realizing what he’s looking at-a black skinny t-shirt with bright white letters in the center. "DILF?"
Leslie nods and laughs. “Try it on.”
Ben is trying not to laugh himself, as she starts impatiently lifting his current t-shirt up, stopping to sigh at his hesitation. “Come on babe, lift your arms up. Work with me here.”
He does and soon his Letters to Cleo shirt is tossed towards the couch and Leslie is pulling his new Dad I’d Like to Fuck t-shirt down his sides.
"Um, babe. I appreciate this, but I can’t really wear this out in public. You know that, right?"
"I know. But you can still wear it around the house," she responds.
"Okay. But only until the kids can read."
"But even then, you can continue to wear it for me in the bedroom," she pauses, giving it some thought. "With nothing else on. Well, maybe socks if it’s cold." She smiles at him. "Wait, turn around."
He does and Leslie notices that the t-shirt hits him mid-ass. “Yeah, okay. That will work. Happy Father’s Day, Ben! I love you.”
"You are such an amazing, strange, and wonderful woman. And there’s one else I would rather be a DILF for," Ben responds, turning back around and pulling her into a hug, before kissing the top of her head. "I love you too."
___
9. Ben singing Sonia to sleep
Notes: Amuse Me - a funny drabble about one character trying to cheer another up.
"She won’t stop. Why won’t she stop? Is she still hungry? Is she mad at me? Sad about how the new U2 album was automatically loaded onto everyone’s iTunes account last fall?" Ben asks into the phone.
How do you cheer up and console a baby, he wonders, while cradling his screaming infant daughter in one arm and trying to diagnose the problem with Leslie from her office, across town at City Hall.
"I thought I had them all in bed but she just won’t settle down. I brought her downstairs, but I’m still afraid she’s going to wake the boys up."
"Is it like that one night with the ear infection?" Leslie asks, starting to sound concerned.
"I don’t think so," Ben holds his hand against the tiny face, then presses his lips briefly against his daughter’s small forehead. "She doesn’t feel like she has a fever or anything. And it’s not like she’s been sick, right? Her eyes are clear. No, she’s just…wound up tonight. Unhappy. It started not too long after you left."
"I’ll be home in about 30 minutes. Can you hold on? Oh! Try walking with her."
"I am now. Nothing’s working," he complains and then takes a breath. Tries to calm down. It’s not that he’s in serious panic-mode yet, he just wants to comfort her. Ben feels horrible that he doesn’t know how to make her feel better…and also, have his daughter stop crying. Definitely stop the crying.
But really, he also doesn’t want to make Leslie feel bad. It seemed like it was hard enough for her to actually leave the house after dinner-she kept re-kissing and hugging the babies and him before finally heading into work for an extra hour or two to try and finish up an environmental impact reports audit with some of her staff.
"It’s okay," he tells Leslie calmly. As long as the other two stay asleep, it should be alright. He can handle this while she does something important. Wait. Can he? Yes.
Ben takes a deep breath. “I’ll figure something out.”
"This was a bad idea. I am so sorry, babe. I shouldn’t have tried to go back into work tonight. I can pack up-"
"No. No. It’s okay. We’re okay. Really."
"Thirty minutes. I promise. Probably more like twenty-three. Try your funny voices…that usually works for me."
It’s just about 10 minutes after Ben hangs up the phone that there’s a soft knock at the door. It’s weird, because Leslie wouldn’t knock.
"I heard you had a fussy baby," Marlene Griggs-Knope tells him once she’s inside.
"Oh, god. Is she that loud?" At Marlene’s puzzled look, Ben adds, "Oh. You mean Leslie called you. You couldn’t actually hear the baby crying. Wait…you couldn’t actually hear her all the way at your place, right?”
"Leslie called me and asked if I could stop by and try to help," his mother-in-law confirms. Then she turns her attention to her granddaughter, lifts her out of Ben’s arms and into her own. "And you certainly seem like you have your hands full here. What’s going on, pumpkin?"
He knows her question is directed at the crying mass in her arms, but Ben answers anyway. “She won’t stop crying. I’ve tried everything. I just…I don’t know what the problem is.”
"Well, babies can be difficult. They don’t speak at six months, so it’s kind of a guessing game," she smiles despite the racket. "Leslie would fuss and carry on some nights like you wouldn’t believe. You think she’s strong-willed now? You should have seen her at this age." Ben smiles at that thought, before Marlene continues, rocking the noisy bundle gently in her arms. "The only thing that would settle her down then was when Robert sang to her-Yellow Submarine. Or Pale Blue Eyes. She loved that one. Leslie would smile so big for him. Of course, it was probably just gas, but he didn’t believe that. That man and his wonderful voice,” she pauses. “But, maybe you should try singing.”
Marlene hands his daughter back gently, just as Ben asks, “Yellow Submarine? Um, I just know the chorus to that. But I have some Velvet Underground on my phone. I can play it and sing along-”
"The song doesn’t necessarily matter. It’s your voice," she interrupts him. "Just start singing something with a soothing melody. Pick a song that you already know."
Ben adjusts the small body in his arms more comfortably and forgoes looking for Pale Blue Eyes on his phone. He gives Marlene a slightly skeptical glance, but then starts softly singing the first thing he can think of to his daughter.
“I’m your only friend. I’m not your only friend. But I’m a little glowing friend. But really I’m not actually your friend. But I am…”
"Or…pick a simple-minded, nonsensical song with repeating words," Marlene comments, a slight sarcastic edge to her voice, but when Ben looks over at his mother-in-law, she’s smiling warmly at both him and her granddaughter. And unless he’s mistaken, his daughter even seems to be settling down a bit.
“Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch, who watches over you. Make a little birdhouse in your soul. Not to put too fine a point on it: say I’m the only bee in your bonnet. Make a little birdhouse in your soul."
By the time he gets to Jason and all of the countless screaming Argonauts, the previously-squirming and unhappy baby has quieted completely and instead of wailing, is looking up at Ben with wide eyes and making cute, little contented faces-even Leslie’s mom seems fairly soothed. He holds his daughter tighter in his arms and grins down at her in between verses.
"I’m going to go peek in on my grandsons," Marlene tells him, as she heads upstairs. "It seems that you have this under control."
___
10. You forgot to say the magic word (triplets/camping)
”Blue!”
In his role as official artist-assistant, Ben is about to dig around for a blue crayon to hand to the small boy sitting in his lap, but before he does, he prods him with, “You forgot to say the magic word.”
"Waffles!" His son shouts out in response. This is followed by his daughter’s cry of, "Accio!" and his other child’s giggly yell adding, "Otters!" to the mix.
Next to him in the small tent, he can both feel and hear Leslie…well, cackling, without even turning his head to look at his wife, whom he’s sure is incredibly, ridiculously amused.
"The magic word is please. You all know that,” Ben responds patiently, finally directing his attention to Leslie, where she sits next to him, his daughter in his wife’s lap, Leslie’s arms around her as she plays with his old calculator. Both of them are looking all snuggily in flannel pajamas, and while Leslie’s not laughing anymore, she’s obviously trying hard not to. They share a smile.
"Please daddy! Blue crayon!" A little leg bounces at his side in impatience, and he knows that all small children act like this, but the wiggly, energetic movements are Leslie through and through. It always makes him smile when one of the kids does it.
Ben looks down at the crayon box, finds the blue one, and puts it in the eager little four-year old hand.
"Thanks you," comes the reply and he and Leslie grin at each other again.
"You’re welcome," Ben answers.
"Is it done now?"
"Yes," Ben responds, leaning down to kiss the head of soft brown hair. He wraps his arms around his son tighter as he watches him painstakingly color in what looks like the sky on his big pad of paper. He could be wrong though-once he thought a bright yellow starfish was the sun.
The next hour is spent finishing artwork, singing a made-up song about grumpy turtles and happy pancakes, reading a story by flashlight, asking once again if anyone has to go to the bathroom, and then snuggling down into the two zipped-together sleeping bags.
"Camping is pretty great, right?" Leslie asks him quietly.
He reaches a hand out over their sleeping children and finds hers. “It’s pretty great.”
"So, next weekend, I say we take this show on the road. We pitch our tent in the Wamopoke County Forest, grill some burgers, watch the sunset, and make s’mores? Lots of s’mores. We’ll bring books, and their art things, their stuffed animals, snacks, slippers…"
Ben doesn’t feel 100% convinced that he wants to do this out in the middle of the Pawnee Campground, surrounded by nothing but nature (and probably wild animals, bugs…homicidal maniacs?), but he’s definitely closer to being talked into it than he was this afternoon, when they first set Leslie’s tent up in their backyard.
The backyard of their house where there are multiple bathrooms with indoor plumbing less than 20 feet away, and also their comfortable, dry beds in case it starts to rain. A first aid kit. Water. DVDs of the kids favorite cartoons. Honestly though, he’s pretty warm and comfortable right now, with the four most important people in the whole world right next to him, all cuddled up together under a pile of cozy blankets from the closets and his and Leslie’s sleeping bags.
All of this is definitely pretty great. He moves his leg so that his foot pushes softly against his wife’s.
Leslie continues to state her case as she starts to slide her wool sock-covered foot up to his ankle, rubbing it against him. “I mean, I know this is no glamping with Tom-we won’t have an ice cream machine or Top Chef marathons, but you can always grab onto my boob if you start to feel uneasy. It’s saved a man before, you know.”
Ben laughs. “Okay. I think that sounds nice. Perfect. Let’s try it,” he says. Then adds quickly, “for one night.”
"Plus, we won’t be that from home. If it’s a disaster, we can pack it up pretty easily. Wait. Really?"
"Yeah," he confirms.
"What changed your mind?"
"You did. Well, and the boob thing," Ben jokes. "Come here."
She smiles widely at him, then leans across the three sleeping bundles to meet Ben halfway, and their lips barely brush together, before a sleepy little voice pipes up with, ”I have to go to the bathroom.”
Summary: 1. Sexting at Chris's condo, 2. There's More Than One Way to Build a Solar System, 3. One Time April and Andy (but Mostly April) Wished Ben Would Just Move in with Leslie Already, 4. Winter Olympics, 5. 100 Orgasms, 6. 32 Cats and Dogs, 7. Sexy bruises, 8. DILF, 9. Ben singing Sonia to sleep, 10. You forgot to say the magic word
1. Sexting at Chris's condo
Rating: hard R
Notes: For the prompt - AU Road Trip where Ben and Leslie sext, while she is in the guest room and he is on the couch.
She can’t sleep. Which really isn’t that weird, because, hello? Leslie Knope is not the kind of person who typically goes to bed at ten PM, but she really needed to get away from Ben.
Well…no. Not get away from him, so much as get away from Ben and Chris. Get away from Chris make-out blocking her all night.
But this is ridiculous-she’s in Chris’s guest bedroom hours before she’d normally try to go to sleep even if she wasn’t all worked up over the day’s events and she’s certainly not going to sleep anytime soon.
Leslie kicks the organic cotton, down-alternative comforter off in fit of frustration.
She wonders if Ben is having a hard time trying to sleep too. Tossing and turning, his hair getting all tousled. Maybe he pushes his covers down and…
Okay. That was not helpful.
Maybe she should get up and get a glass of water? And if she accidentally walks by the couch and…No. No. No.
She should text Ann. Have Ann text her back Leslie’s script to herself.
Whatever she does, she should absolutely not think about how Ben had told the Indiana Little League Committee that Pawnee was special. Or how later at dinner he told her that thought the town had nice blonde hair.
Or how the combination of Ben and red wine had made her lady-parts all tingly and warm earlier.
Yep. She definitely needs her Code Ben script and also to get her head on straight about this.
Leslie grabs her phone and…texts Ben. ‘Hi. I had a really nice time today.’
What could one quick message hurt? It’s just a quick, simple text. It lets him know that she liked spending time with him as a colleague and that-
Her phone vibrates with his response. ‘I had a nice time too. Can’t sleep?’
She types out, ‘Nope. It’s so early’ and taps her finger on send.
'I know. I'm watching TV. Flipping thru channels.'
Leslie is typing a response about whether or not he found a Star Trek episode on (because he is a nerd-an adorable, hot, sexy nerd) when Ben adds, ‘Want to come watch TV with me?’
Leslie groans and backspaces over her previous words. Instead she types, ‘Yes. But I don’t think that’s a great idea :(‘
'I know. But…'
There isn’t a new message for a couple of minutes. Leslie picks up her phone and types out, ‘want to come to my room and…talk?’ she deletes talk and types ‘make out?’ instead.
"Oh my god, you can’t send that," she tells herself and backspaces the whole line of text into nothing. She groans again, loud enough that she’s kind of afraid maybe Ben heard it. As if confirming her suspicions, her phone vibrates seconds later.
'Even though you have weird taste in music, I enjoyed the car ride today'
Leslie smiles. ‘Me too’
Before he responds, she types ‘Ann and I made an anti-seduction playlist for the trip. That’s why it was weird. I was trying to NOT seduce you. because of all the stupid rules.’ She sends it before she can change her mind.
She doesn’t have to wait long before Ben asks her, ‘Al Green is anti-seduction?’
Leslie laughs. ‘Ann snuck that one on because she is a beautiful,devious bastard’
Ben gives her a smiley face in response.
'What would have been on your playlist for the trip. if you weren't trying to anti-seduce me and NOT make me not want to kiss you?'
Leslie grins. ‘Sarah McLachlan. Natalie Merchant….Al Green was good.’
'I think that would have worked. Al Green really made me want to kiss you today' Then another word bubble appears with, 'but I mean the banjo music worked too. and also Jimmy Carter was…moving'
Leslie’s eyes widen and she giggles. She starts to type back when Ben tells her, ‘sorry. that was weird. the 39th president doesn’t really do anything for me. like that.’
'god. it's so hot that you know he was the 39th president,' Leslie types back quickly.
'oh yeah? what if i told you that i could name all the presidents in order?'
'i'd say we really need to make out with each other asap'
She knows this is bad. This is really bad. They’re sending flirty, suggestive texts back and forth to each other and Chris is just down the hall. And yet…she just can’t help herself. He is the light bulb that she wants to make out with, damn it.
After a couple of minutes, when the guest room door doesn’t quietly open up, and Ben doesn’t slip into her room, Leslie’s both disappointed and relieved.
But then Ben’s next text arrives and it makes her suck in her breath.
”I’m a couple of minutes away from doing something really inappropriate on Chris’s couch. also, jimmy carter would probably not approve.’
Leslie stares at her phone’s screen. Before she can respond, Ben sends a new text. ‘sorry i probably shouldn’t have typed that’
'no'
Crap on a baseball. That’s not what she meant! She quickly texts, ‘no i mean no, you don’t have to be sorry!’ She hits send as fast as she can.
Then Leslie tries to explain herself better but it’s so hard to type out everything she wants to say to Ben, so she just settles for, ‘i pulled my pants down when you said jimmy carter was the 39th president’ because it’s the truth and also because, god, she really wants Ben to know that.
And she definitely wants Ben to think about her without pants on.
'oh my god' is his fast response.
Leslie bends her knees and props her phone up against her thigh and slides her hand down into her underwear.
'are you really…?' she slowly types with one hand.
'yeah' Ben tells her. 'and now I'm thinking about you doing the same thing'
She shudders as she touches her clit. Tries to imagine that it’s Ben’s fingers or god, maybe his tongue. She moans and then freezes.
'i heard that'
'good' she messages back. 'I'm thinking about your fingers being where mine are.' Then Leslie adds, wanting to make sure he understands, 'my fingers are in my underwear'
'you should pull your underwear all the way down'
"Oh god," Leslie tells the empty room. Ben telling her to do that…even via a silly, cartoon-y text bubble is definitely working for her.
Leslie moves her phone, slides her black cotton panties down over her hips and up over her knees so that they’re down by her pants. She puts the phone back so it’s propped up against her leg again so she can slowly type with her right hand, while she uses her left to get off.
It’s not ideal but it’s…sexy. The way Chris’s super soft and stupid hypo-allergenic cotton sheets feel under her bare ass, the way Ben is so close to her as she fingers herself.
'i really wish you were in here'
Leslie pictures him just a few feet away in the living room. He’s probably got the covers up and over himself just in case Chris comes out to use the bathroom again, but underneath the blanket he’s all hard, and Ben’s stroking himself, and thinking about her as he does it.
She also comes to the conclusion that it’s really hard to type and masturbate at the same time.
'me too. i wish i was spreading you open and making you Gandalf'
What?
She makes a confused face while looking at her phone. What does that even mean? But then it’s starting and Leslie just has time to read the next message briefly before her eyes snap shut and she shudders and her hips jerk and she has to bite the inside of her mouth to keep from crying out.
'go crazy. fuck. stupid auto-correct. i want to make you go crazy, leslie'
Leslie laughs and orgasms at the same time.
She thinks she hears Ben moan and come a few seconds later but it’s also possible that she’s just imagining it, hearing what she wants so badly to both see and hear-the way his hips thrust forward when he loses control, the way his mouth opens and he tries so hard not to make any noise, but he just can’t keep the gasps in.
Ben’s next text is short but it make her heart flutter. ‘hi that was sexy. you are so sexy’
'hi' she texts back, 'you are too. next time we should definitely Gandalf in person'
____
2. There's More Than One Way to Build a Solar System
Rating: G
"Hey. What’s happening in here?"
Having woken up a few minutes ago and all alone in bed, Ben went on a quick search for his wife, and he finds her in their den.
Leslie is hard at work on something and has a mess spread out on the large tan and green throw rug-twine, paints, styrofoam balls, and…wait, is that the beginnings of a paper-mâché Earth?
"Oh, uh, just a craft project," she responds quickly. She’s wearing plaid pajama pants that he saw her in earlier and her old Pawnee Goddesses t-shirt. She’s got a smudge of blue paint on her nose that looks adorable.
Of course it’s also one in the morning and he’d much rather be snuggling with her in their warm, cozy bed. But still, the paint makes Ben smile, even as he gets ready to shut this down.
"Huh. Okay. Because it kind of looks like you’re doing our son’s science homework for him."
”Whaaaat?” She asks, fooling no one.
"I know. It’s crazy. But, that’s pretty much exactly what this looks like," Ben responds.
"What kind of a teacher asks a first-grader to make the solar system right off the bat?"
"Babe, I’m pretty sure he was just supposed to draw it. So, that seems kind of fair. Besides, I saw his project earlier, he did a really good job."
"Of course he did. It was amazing. But a model is even better," Leslie informs him.
"Sure, but…" he looks closer at her project. "Hey, are you making this to scale?"
"What?"
"Your planets. It looks like they’re going to be the same distance from one another?"
"Oh, well, it’s not exactly, technically to scale. But all the other details are right. It looks good. Check out the eye on Jupiter. I used a marbling technique and-"
"Yeah. But if it’s not really accurate…" Ben says and then trails off as he grabs his laptop from the coffee table and sits down beside her on the floor. "You can’t just add the planets willy-nilly, Leslie.”
"Willy-nilly?" She repeats, smirking at him.
"That’s what I said," he responds, typing quickly on his laptop. "When they are closest, which is probably what you want to show, Mars is 33.9 million miles from the Earth and Venus is away 38 million miles away. Yours are just all evenly spaced. That’s not right."
"Really? Because that sounds like it’s practically the same on a small model."
"No it’s not…the difference is more than four million miles! I mean, sure, the visible distance on a model this size would be close, but not exact. If you’re going to cheat and do his project for him, you need to do it right.”
"Mine is right!" Leslie tells him, a bit of heat in her voice that doesn’t really surprise him at all. "And besides, mine looks like a well-crafted model, Ben. Tell you what-I’m going to continue to finish my work and make a good model, nay, an excellent solar system model and you, sir, can just sit there and make your,” she air quotes, “completely, boringly accurate model if you dare, and we’ll see which one gets a better grade.”
"You really want to do this? Because I’m telling you, accuracy is important and-"
"Did I stutter?" She interrupts, making him really want to kiss her. She’s so incredibly sexy when she’s being stubborn. But also, he really wants to win this solar system showdown-because he’s definitely right.
So fine. The kissing can wait.
Ben only pauses for a second or two, and then he’s looking up the numbers on his laptop and building a solar system.
The next couple of hours pass quickly and quietly, both Ben and Leslie painting, gluing, and assembling their six year-old son’s homework projects. Every so often, one steals a glance the other’s progress. He has to admit, stylistically, Leslie’s solar system is pretty impressive, much better looking than his…but his is correct.
At around three-thirty, Leslie interrupts just as Ben is finding the exact spot on Saturn to attach his wire rings.
"Okay, this is…not sustainable."
"What?" He stops his work and looks over at her.
"Babe. We have three kids. They are all going to get assignments like this. We can not do this every time."
"I…" he looks around their complete mess of a den-it looks like a craft store exploded. Good lord, what the hell are they doing? It’s going on four AM. "Oh my god."
"This is crazy," she tells him.
"It is. I just…I mean…How did this happen?"
"His drawing is great. And completely age-appropriate."
"It really is," Ben agrees.
"He should turn that in."
"Yeah."
"And we should go to bed," Leslie says, giving Ben a sleepy smile. He grins back.
"That’s what I came in here to tell you. And then…it’s just a blur. Oh god, I’m so tired. And I think I glued my fingers together."
"Come here, honey," she holds out her hand and he takes it, using the hand without the glue-situation. They get up together and Leslie leads him over to the couch. "Let’s take a nap here and then clean up."
"That’s a wonderful idea," he says, pulling her down on top of him, finally kissing her lips.
"I think you paper-mâchéd your hair a little," Ben reaches through her blonde locks and pulls away some wet newspaper strands, before she lays her head down on his chest and her hips press down comfortingly against his.
"Hey, you glued a pipe cleaner to you pajama top," Leslie tells him, trying not to laugh. "Sexy."
____
3. One Time April and Andy (but Mostly April) Wished Ben Would Just Move in with Leslie Already
Rating: R
It’s just after midnight on a Wednesday when Ben pauses their make-out session and quietly slips out of his room, quickly heading for the kitchen. The search for whipped cream is easy, it’s still right where he left it (a minor miracle in this house), in the back, behind the milk.
He smiles to himself as he thinks about how it’ll taste when he licks it off of Leslie’s skin in a few minutes-her shoulders, maybe the side of her breast, while he’s kissing a path down her spine. He’s so lost in thought that when he turns around, Ben doesn’t notice April and Andy sitting at the kitchen table in the dark, eating a bowl of pudding.
Not until April’s voice startles him from his thoughts.
"Oh my god! Gross!"
"What? Oh! Oh, god!" Ben shouts in shock and surprise and it takes him a few seconds to realize that both of his roommates are sitting there, staring at him with wide eyes. Specifically, his pajama pants. Super specifically, Ben’s incredibly obvious erection. "Oh my god."
"Dude!" Andy exclaims, starting to grin. "Are you and Leslie going to have sex now? With whipped cream? Oh…can we have some for the pudding first?"
"Oh my god," Ben repeats, clearly flustered. He feels panic and embarrassment shoot through him, gluing him to the spot on the floor, right in front of the refrigerator. He almost shoves the can of whipped cream back into the fridge and runs, but really, at this point, it’s all pretty obvious.
Instead he gets it together and holds the whipped cream down in front of his pants, as he turns around and starts walking towards his bedroom as fast as he can.
He can still hear April muttering, “Ew. Other people live here too, you know,” as he shuts the door behind him and leans against it in relief.
"Babe?" Leslie asks from the bed, all tousled and naked, right where he left her just moments ago. "Did you get it?"
When he tells her what happened, Leslie can’t stop giggling, and pretty soon Ben’s laughing too.
And then he’s deciding that the whipped cream tastes even better than he thought it would.
____
4. Winter Olympics
Notes: Three sentence fic. Topic: the Winter Olympics
He knows she loves ice skating-that at home in her chaotic disaster of a bedroom closet, Leslie has a box of videotapes of the 1992 Winter Olympics that she recorded from TV, and that she would watch the one with Kristi Yamaguchi’s short program and free skate over and over again. In the meeting (the one Ben absolutely does not want to be sitting in now, especially when Leslie’s just across the table from him in that low-cut, dark pink blouse that he’s trying so hard not to notice), when she excitedly talks about putting up a temporary skating rink in Ramsett Park over the upcoming holidays, he can clearly picture her as a 17 year-old, watching that video, probably while drinking a mug of hot cocoa with whipped cream before bed.
Yeah, while he sits in this excruciating Parks Department meeting with Leslie, Ron, Chris, and Tom, Ben tries really hard not to notice Leslie’s low-cut blouse, just like he’s trying not to be in absolute awe of her passion and enthusiasm, or think about the box of videotapes, or remember how she would squirm and giggle when he’d put his tongue in her belly button, or how she would wake up in the middle of the night to jot ideas down in the notebook she keeps on her bedside table-all of them things that, no matter how hard he tries not to, he completely, ridiculously loves about his ex-girlfriend.
___
5. 100 Orgasms
Rating: R
Notes: Celebrating 100 followers on Tumblr.
It’s when they’re lying in bed later, Leslie’s bare leg casually thrown over Ben’s, that she sits up suddenly and looks at him with wide eyes. He watches as she turns over and stretches her arm to reach and open the drawer in her bedside table.
"What’s happening?" He asks, clearly puzzled.
"I think…" she trails off as she finds a specific page in a small red notebook and starts studying it. Is she doing math? In bed?
Ben rolls over so that he’s practically laying on top of her, looking over her shoulder to see what she’s up to.
"What is that?" It’s a bunch of hash marks, like she’s been keeping track and counting something.
"95, 96, 97, 98, 99…100!" She turns to smile at him, after making the line across the last four pen strokes.
"What? 100 what?"
"You’ve made me come 100 times!"
Ben stares at her.
Yes, this is the woman he’s chosen to love. Planner of elaborate Valentine’s Day scavenger hunts, Pawnee city council candidate, lover of waffles, whipped cream, government, and owls (not necessarily in that order), excellent bowler, and counter of orgasms.
She’s still smiling at him, propped up on her elbows, her full breasts pressed against the mattress. The polka dot sheet is pooled around her waist and he just has to lean down and kiss her bare back. And then he really needs to ask, “You’ve been keeping track of that? Seriously?”
"Yep!" She shows him the notebook more clearly-spreads it open on the pillow in front of them. There are a bunch of black pen marks, then a line dividing the page up, then even more marks on the lower half of the page.
"So…those are all the…orgasms that you’ve had with me?"
"Yes. But I didn’t count the ones I gave myself when I thought about you or anything. You had to earn all of these.”
He looks at the notebook and then at her. “Wow. Okay. Um, wow.”
Leslie points to the page. “These are from before,” she moves her finger down to the bottom, “and these were after we got back together.”
"So I didn’t have to start over or anything after we said screw it?”
"No, you got credit for the first 35. It only seemed fair."
"Sure," Ben agrees nodding.
"See," Leslie gestures to one mark that is surrounded by tiny red heart stickers. The very first mark on the second half of the page. "This was the night we got back together." She squints. "Oh, wait, these three marks are from that night. And I think this one was the next morning.”
"Uh-huh," Ben smiles at her, grabs the notebook, and tosses it onto the bedside table.
"You are a huge goofball," he tells her, but as he does he’s laughing and leading her over onto her back. Ben ducks in to kiss her.
"What was that for?" Leslie asks, after he pulls back and starts to tug the sheet away from her body.
"I’m going to start on my next 100 right now."
____
6. 32 Cats and Dogs
Notes: Dialogue prompt - "Last time I ask you for a favor." Takes place during Live Ammo.
"Well…I mean…," Leslie shakes her head like she’s trying to think of something to say before blurting out, "Last time I ask you for a favor!"
"What? How did I-"
"Nope. Sorry, I was just trying to confuse you so that you’d forget about the 32 cats and dogs. And the pig. And a snake in the…" she gestures towards the aquarium sitting on the coffee table.
"Well, that’s not going to happen. Because uh…" as he’s talking, a white and black cat wanders to the edge of the kitchen table and starts to rub its face against Ben’s grey pajama pants. He widens his eyes, holds his hands up, and gives Leslie an exasperated look.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. But it’s not permanent."
"It shouldn’t really be temporary." As he says this, Ben starts petting the cat, smiling as it begins to lean into his hand.
"You like cats?" Leslie asks, walking closer to Ben and his new feline friend.
"Well, I don’t dislike them. We had a dog growing up, for awhile anyway, but yeah, I like cats. Dogs too. But, back to the point-I feel like the biggest question is not only why are there this many dogs, cats…and a pig in my house, because I think I get that, but why didn’t you just take them to your house?”
"Ben, I couldn’t. I’d never be able to find them all again."
He nods. “Yeah, alright. I will accept that answer.”
"It’s just for a few days. Until I can figure out how to get the animal shelter funding back."
"Leslie…" he starts.
"No. I’ll figure this out. I brought the budget binders home and there’s got to be something there to cut. Something that won’t affect anything else that I care about. Maybe you could help me look? Work your hard-ass accounting mojo? In the meantime, I meant it about the pancakes. I can make you pancakes. Honey.”
"I don’t want pancakes, babe."
"Waffles? Or maybe…oh, a little Khaleesi action in the…" she winks at him and quirks her neck towards his bedroom.
"Um, no, that’s not going to work, Leslie," Ben pauses like he’s reconsidering, then shakes his head. "No. No. No. What I think is-"
"You have to pay extra rent for all your pets, Ben," April says, walking into the kitchen in her pajamas.
"These aren’t my pets."
"Well, they’re not mine, Andy’s, or Champion’s. So that’s $1500 extra a month. Cash only," she holds out her hand.
"April, it’s just a temporary situation. Ben had nothing to do with it," Leslie explains. "Think of them as very furry…house-guests."
"Sure. Try to cover for your weird boyfriend and his furry…" she puts air quotes around the word, "house-guests.”
"Okay, cool it. The cats and dogs are just temporary. Just until…oh my god, is that a rabbit on the stove-top?" Ben asks, taking a step back.
"Yeah. That’s Lady Bun-Bun. Or maybe Lord Bun-Bun. I didn’t actually-"
"You named it?" Ben interrupts, incredulous, while April tells him, "Rabbits are $25 extra per day, perv."
___
7. Sexy bruises
Notes: Five sentence fic...okay, it's 6-7 sentences.
Leslie wakes to feather light kisses running a path along her bare right hip. It feels nice, but it also hurts a little too-not Ben’s lips and the gentle attention he’s devoting to her skin of course, but her actual hip, right where she banged into the garbage truck the day before.
"It’s a huge bruise, right?" She asks, opening her eyes and looking up at the top of his messy bed head, peeking up from where the sheets are pulled down around her.
"Well, it’s pretty big," he agrees, before continuing to tenderly nuzzle the mottled purplish spot running along her hip’s curve.
"Yeah, but I got it in the name of equality and tearing down symbolic feminist obstacles," Leslie tells him proudly, as she runs her fingers through his hair.
Ben smiles when he looks up at her. “I know. You’re so sexy when you’re overcoming stereotypes and kicking ass, babe.”
____
8. DILF
Notes: Zip Me - a drabble about one character dressing another, or the other way around.
It’s after they’ve eaten the breakfast calzones (pizza dough folded over and stuffed with scrambled eggs, sausage, cheese, and baked), they’ve finished watching Ben’s top three favorite episodes of Star Trek: Next Generation (The Naked Now, I, Borg, and Q-pid-“I am not a merry man,” said out loud along with Worf, as Leslie rolled her eyes next to him on the couch ), and their eight-month old triplets are finally down for a nap, that Leslie hands him what he assumes is the first of many wrapped Father’s Day presents.
And that’s only because she has the well-known tendency to go completely, thoughtfully overboard when it comes to celebrations and gifts. Like a calzone breakfast, a TNG marathon while cuddled up with the babies, and the promise of a very special treat for later already delivered-and it’s only noon.
Leslie grins and giggles as she hands him the brightly-striped gift bag.
"Is this for me?"
"Yeah," she confirms, practically bouncing up and down.
Ben drags it out on purpose because he knows how anxious and antsy Leslie gets when she hands him a present. It’s ridiculously adorable.
"Is it from the kids?"
"No. It’s from me."
"For Father’s Day? Or…?"
"Oh my god Ben, just open it."
He shakes the bag. “Hmmm, maybe I should save this for after my special treat? Remember, I was promised a special roller skating show as part of my now annual, I-impregnated-you celebration,” he raises an eyebrow at her suggestively.
"This is first. And the roller skating thing doesn’t happen until later tonight. After the triplets are completely down for the night. You know that. Less chance of getting interrupted. Now open your present!"
"Okay, well, I guess I could open this present now," he teases, before reaching in quickly and pulling out a t-shirt. He holds it out, slowly realizing what he’s looking at-a black skinny t-shirt with bright white letters in the center. "DILF?"
Leslie nods and laughs. “Try it on.”
Ben is trying not to laugh himself, as she starts impatiently lifting his current t-shirt up, stopping to sigh at his hesitation. “Come on babe, lift your arms up. Work with me here.”
He does and soon his Letters to Cleo shirt is tossed towards the couch and Leslie is pulling his new Dad I’d Like to Fuck t-shirt down his sides.
"Um, babe. I appreciate this, but I can’t really wear this out in public. You know that, right?"
"I know. But you can still wear it around the house," she responds.
"Okay. But only until the kids can read."
"But even then, you can continue to wear it for me in the bedroom," she pauses, giving it some thought. "With nothing else on. Well, maybe socks if it’s cold." She smiles at him. "Wait, turn around."
He does and Leslie notices that the t-shirt hits him mid-ass. “Yeah, okay. That will work. Happy Father’s Day, Ben! I love you.”
"You are such an amazing, strange, and wonderful woman. And there’s one else I would rather be a DILF for," Ben responds, turning back around and pulling her into a hug, before kissing the top of her head. "I love you too."
___
9. Ben singing Sonia to sleep
Notes: Amuse Me - a funny drabble about one character trying to cheer another up.
"She won’t stop. Why won’t she stop? Is she still hungry? Is she mad at me? Sad about how the new U2 album was automatically loaded onto everyone’s iTunes account last fall?" Ben asks into the phone.
How do you cheer up and console a baby, he wonders, while cradling his screaming infant daughter in one arm and trying to diagnose the problem with Leslie from her office, across town at City Hall.
"I thought I had them all in bed but she just won’t settle down. I brought her downstairs, but I’m still afraid she’s going to wake the boys up."
"Is it like that one night with the ear infection?" Leslie asks, starting to sound concerned.
"I don’t think so," Ben holds his hand against the tiny face, then presses his lips briefly against his daughter’s small forehead. "She doesn’t feel like she has a fever or anything. And it’s not like she’s been sick, right? Her eyes are clear. No, she’s just…wound up tonight. Unhappy. It started not too long after you left."
"I’ll be home in about 30 minutes. Can you hold on? Oh! Try walking with her."
"I am now. Nothing’s working," he complains and then takes a breath. Tries to calm down. It’s not that he’s in serious panic-mode yet, he just wants to comfort her. Ben feels horrible that he doesn’t know how to make her feel better…and also, have his daughter stop crying. Definitely stop the crying.
But really, he also doesn’t want to make Leslie feel bad. It seemed like it was hard enough for her to actually leave the house after dinner-she kept re-kissing and hugging the babies and him before finally heading into work for an extra hour or two to try and finish up an environmental impact reports audit with some of her staff.
"It’s okay," he tells Leslie calmly. As long as the other two stay asleep, it should be alright. He can handle this while she does something important. Wait. Can he? Yes.
Ben takes a deep breath. “I’ll figure something out.”
"This was a bad idea. I am so sorry, babe. I shouldn’t have tried to go back into work tonight. I can pack up-"
"No. No. It’s okay. We’re okay. Really."
"Thirty minutes. I promise. Probably more like twenty-three. Try your funny voices…that usually works for me."
It’s just about 10 minutes after Ben hangs up the phone that there’s a soft knock at the door. It’s weird, because Leslie wouldn’t knock.
"I heard you had a fussy baby," Marlene Griggs-Knope tells him once she’s inside.
"Oh, god. Is she that loud?" At Marlene’s puzzled look, Ben adds, "Oh. You mean Leslie called you. You couldn’t actually hear the baby crying. Wait…you couldn’t actually hear her all the way at your place, right?”
"Leslie called me and asked if I could stop by and try to help," his mother-in-law confirms. Then she turns her attention to her granddaughter, lifts her out of Ben’s arms and into her own. "And you certainly seem like you have your hands full here. What’s going on, pumpkin?"
He knows her question is directed at the crying mass in her arms, but Ben answers anyway. “She won’t stop crying. I’ve tried everything. I just…I don’t know what the problem is.”
"Well, babies can be difficult. They don’t speak at six months, so it’s kind of a guessing game," she smiles despite the racket. "Leslie would fuss and carry on some nights like you wouldn’t believe. You think she’s strong-willed now? You should have seen her at this age." Ben smiles at that thought, before Marlene continues, rocking the noisy bundle gently in her arms. "The only thing that would settle her down then was when Robert sang to her-Yellow Submarine. Or Pale Blue Eyes. She loved that one. Leslie would smile so big for him. Of course, it was probably just gas, but he didn’t believe that. That man and his wonderful voice,” she pauses. “But, maybe you should try singing.”
Marlene hands his daughter back gently, just as Ben asks, “Yellow Submarine? Um, I just know the chorus to that. But I have some Velvet Underground on my phone. I can play it and sing along-”
"The song doesn’t necessarily matter. It’s your voice," she interrupts him. "Just start singing something with a soothing melody. Pick a song that you already know."
Ben adjusts the small body in his arms more comfortably and forgoes looking for Pale Blue Eyes on his phone. He gives Marlene a slightly skeptical glance, but then starts softly singing the first thing he can think of to his daughter.
“I’m your only friend. I’m not your only friend. But I’m a little glowing friend. But really I’m not actually your friend. But I am…”
"Or…pick a simple-minded, nonsensical song with repeating words," Marlene comments, a slight sarcastic edge to her voice, but when Ben looks over at his mother-in-law, she’s smiling warmly at both him and her granddaughter. And unless he’s mistaken, his daughter even seems to be settling down a bit.
“Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch, who watches over you. Make a little birdhouse in your soul. Not to put too fine a point on it: say I’m the only bee in your bonnet. Make a little birdhouse in your soul."
By the time he gets to Jason and all of the countless screaming Argonauts, the previously-squirming and unhappy baby has quieted completely and instead of wailing, is looking up at Ben with wide eyes and making cute, little contented faces-even Leslie’s mom seems fairly soothed. He holds his daughter tighter in his arms and grins down at her in between verses.
"I’m going to go peek in on my grandsons," Marlene tells him, as she heads upstairs. "It seems that you have this under control."
___
10. You forgot to say the magic word (triplets/camping)
”Blue!”
In his role as official artist-assistant, Ben is about to dig around for a blue crayon to hand to the small boy sitting in his lap, but before he does, he prods him with, “You forgot to say the magic word.”
"Waffles!" His son shouts out in response. This is followed by his daughter’s cry of, "Accio!" and his other child’s giggly yell adding, "Otters!" to the mix.
Next to him in the small tent, he can both feel and hear Leslie…well, cackling, without even turning his head to look at his wife, whom he’s sure is incredibly, ridiculously amused.
"The magic word is please. You all know that,” Ben responds patiently, finally directing his attention to Leslie, where she sits next to him, his daughter in his wife’s lap, Leslie’s arms around her as she plays with his old calculator. Both of them are looking all snuggily in flannel pajamas, and while Leslie’s not laughing anymore, she’s obviously trying hard not to. They share a smile.
"Please daddy! Blue crayon!" A little leg bounces at his side in impatience, and he knows that all small children act like this, but the wiggly, energetic movements are Leslie through and through. It always makes him smile when one of the kids does it.
Ben looks down at the crayon box, finds the blue one, and puts it in the eager little four-year old hand.
"Thanks you," comes the reply and he and Leslie grin at each other again.
"You’re welcome," Ben answers.
"Is it done now?"
"Yes," Ben responds, leaning down to kiss the head of soft brown hair. He wraps his arms around his son tighter as he watches him painstakingly color in what looks like the sky on his big pad of paper. He could be wrong though-once he thought a bright yellow starfish was the sun.
The next hour is spent finishing artwork, singing a made-up song about grumpy turtles and happy pancakes, reading a story by flashlight, asking once again if anyone has to go to the bathroom, and then snuggling down into the two zipped-together sleeping bags.
"Camping is pretty great, right?" Leslie asks him quietly.
He reaches a hand out over their sleeping children and finds hers. “It’s pretty great.”
"So, next weekend, I say we take this show on the road. We pitch our tent in the Wamopoke County Forest, grill some burgers, watch the sunset, and make s’mores? Lots of s’mores. We’ll bring books, and their art things, their stuffed animals, snacks, slippers…"
Ben doesn’t feel 100% convinced that he wants to do this out in the middle of the Pawnee Campground, surrounded by nothing but nature (and probably wild animals, bugs…homicidal maniacs?), but he’s definitely closer to being talked into it than he was this afternoon, when they first set Leslie’s tent up in their backyard.
The backyard of their house where there are multiple bathrooms with indoor plumbing less than 20 feet away, and also their comfortable, dry beds in case it starts to rain. A first aid kit. Water. DVDs of the kids favorite cartoons. Honestly though, he’s pretty warm and comfortable right now, with the four most important people in the whole world right next to him, all cuddled up together under a pile of cozy blankets from the closets and his and Leslie’s sleeping bags.
All of this is definitely pretty great. He moves his leg so that his foot pushes softly against his wife’s.
Leslie continues to state her case as she starts to slide her wool sock-covered foot up to his ankle, rubbing it against him. “I mean, I know this is no glamping with Tom-we won’t have an ice cream machine or Top Chef marathons, but you can always grab onto my boob if you start to feel uneasy. It’s saved a man before, you know.”
Ben laughs. “Okay. I think that sounds nice. Perfect. Let’s try it,” he says. Then adds quickly, “for one night.”
"Plus, we won’t be that from home. If it’s a disaster, we can pack it up pretty easily. Wait. Really?"
"Yeah," he confirms.
"What changed your mind?"
"You did. Well, and the boob thing," Ben jokes. "Come here."
She smiles widely at him, then leans across the three sleeping bundles to meet Ben halfway, and their lips barely brush together, before a sleepy little voice pipes up with, ”I have to go to the bathroom.”