Shades of black or Gerard the littlest vampire
Title: Shades of black or Gerard the littlest vampire
Author: alles_luege
Pairing: Frank/Gerard, but also Frank/OC's, Frank/Mikey
Rating: R
Summary: Frank's life sucks and he is only eight! Then one cold winter evening he meets Gerard and things start to look up, but what Frank doesn't know is that the little boy is a vampire. And with Frank growing up and Gerard not their problems just begin.
A tale about a childhood love that can never be. (Or you know, until magic happens.)
Warning(s): kissing, sex, vampires, mentions of violence
Author’s Notes: Important! This is based on theopteryx 's and shoemaster 's not!fic. I asked if I could write it, they said yes. (So please don't say anything about stealing or plagiarism to me.) I could not fit everything in this story I wanted, so there will be a sequel and I'm working on a piece that tells us about Gerard's past. Even if I tried to tell their story, it still is mine. Everything you don't recognize belongs to me. Also, I used like four sentences 1:1. I did not mark them, but I don't want to take credit for them. Last story from the Advent-calendar.
Word Count: 9.715
Beta: figilio_vampiri and tygermine (Thank you both so much!)
Disclaimer: Don’t know, don’t own, not real.
~1~
So, another one of these fucking days, Frank thinks, and feels guilty a few seconds later because his mom really doesn't like it when he swears, even in his head.
But it's not his fault, okay. Life just sucks and a guy has to deal with it and swearing is totally okay, yeah? Yeah, he nods at himself in the grimy bathroom mirror. Fuck those stupid jerks. He tries to scrub away the remains of his - totally awesome, by the way, just for the record - sharpie tattoo that somehow rubbed off of his knuckles and onto his forehead and no one told him! Maybe it's his own fault for falling asleep during independent study. But he just can't sleep at night lately. And his ankle still hurts from the last time Bert shoved him into the locker, which was just two days ago.
He doesn't think it'll come off. There is no soap in the bathroom. Again. He sighs. Great, just great. This day (his life, he thinks bitterly) can't get any worse.
~+~
You should never say never, because of course it gets worse. So, his teacher caught him, doodling all over his school shoes and of course that just meant that he got into more trouble.
As he steps outside the building one hour later than he should, because he had to do some extra work, mainly writing an essay about 'Why I should not doodle on my school shoes', the wind is fucking freezing. And it's getting dark already. Fucking Jersey winter. He sighs. Breathing is kinda painful, it's so cold. He closes his mouth shut firmly, tightens his scarf and makes the first step that will take him home.
~2~
The day Frank meets Gerard it snows and Frank has a fresh bruise on his arm from where he hit the locker on a really bad angle.
He's walking home from school - and it was one of those days again, but in Frank's life it seems like everyday is that kind of day - and he is really ready to kick something, very hard, but he is small, okay. He is really fucking small, even Tina Rosenbaum is bigger than him. It's depressing, really, as it adds insult to injury. Because even the girls mock him about it.
And he is so fucking angry and he can't go home like this, so he decides to spend a few hours in the park nearby, to cool off. Even if his mom doesn't approve, because 'It's dangerous, Frankie and I don't want you to be outside in the cold for so long , you always get sick...' he can hear her voice in his head, but if he goes home now, he would snap at her and she doesn't deserve that.
So he kicks an empty can and it hits something, well someone.
“Hey...” the soft voice says and Frank looks up from the ground he was staring at. It's kinda dark already.
“Sorry,” Frank says. He tries to see who it is sitting there in the dark on a bench, but the street lamp seems to be broken.
“It's okay, I guess,” the boy says, because it's a boy, Frank can tell now that he came closer. The boy is small and his bare feet are resting on the edge of the bench. He slung his arms around his knees and his head is lying on them. Half his face is obscured by his dark hair.
“Aren't you cold?” Frank asks. Because it's winter. In Jersey. And it snowed. The boy shakes his head; it looks a bit awkward as he doesn't lift his head from his knees. He just looks at Frank and it's a bit weird and creepy. “Are you a ghost?” Because maybe it's like with this girl in the fairytale, the one with the matches?
“I'm Gerard,” the boy says. Which doesn't really answer Frank's question.
“I'm Frank,” Frank says, he's standing awkwardly close to the bench and doesn't know what to do with himself, because maybe...maybe this Gerard boy is a bit weird, but he looks nice enough.
“You can sit down,” Gerard says, making room on the bench, his feet touching the snow covered ground, he doesn't flinch.
“Thanks...” he answers. God, Frank thinks, this is so weird. But before he knows it, he's telling Gerard all about his day and how mad he is and that is mom doesn't know and doesn't understand and Gerard just sits there and nods and asks questions in his soft voice and Frank only has the presence of mind to look at his sidekick to check the time when it begins to snow again.
“Something wrong?” Gerard asks.
“I need to go home...my mom is probably going to kill me. Sorry.”
“No problem. It was nice meeting you, Frank,” Gerard says and Frank gets up and has the stupid urge to like thank Gerard and hug him or something, so he just holds out his hand and waits for Gerard to take it. Gerard smiles as he takes it and Frank shivers because his hand is so cold. He supposes it's normal as Gerard doesn't wear gloves.
“Meet you here tomorrow?” Frank asks and Gerard's smile grows bigger, he has all these small teeth, that look kinda sharp and deadly.
“I would like that,” he says, letting go of Frank's hand.
~+~
“You are late again, Frank,” his mom says and he knows that, okay, he knows, but he likes Gerard and Gerard likes him and they are friends.
“I was meeting Gerard in the park.”
„I don't want you hanging out in the park after dark. You can invite him over. I need to go to work now. Dinner is in the oven. Just heat it up...Frank, I mean it.” She says and he nods, but he knows he will eat and then go over to the park anyway, because he promised and well, Gerard needs shoes. Right?
~+~
„Sorry, I'm late!” he says as he arrives at their usual meeting spot. The old bench under the broken street lamp.
“It's okay. It's still early,” Gerard answers.
“I brought you my converse,” Frank says, taking them out of his bag.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah...it's cold and you don't wear shoes.”
“I don't mind...” Gerard says, looking away as if he's ashamed or something. And Frank doesn't think Gerard is like homeless or something, because he smells really good, but something is really weird.
“Take them...they're new,” Frank says, pushing them at Gerard and Gerard takes them. His fingers brush Frank's and he jerks away a bit. Gerard's hands are really fucking cold.
“Thanks.”
“It's okay,” Frank says, sitting down next to Gerard on the bench and helping him with the shoelaces. “I...my mom doesn't want me to hang out here anymore,” he begins after they tied the shoelaces.
“Oh...that's all right, I guess,” Gerard says, but he looks fucking heartbroken and Frank can't stand it.
“No, I mean, it's not because of you. It's because it's dark and cold and dangerous and...want to hang out at my place?” God, he is so bad at this friendship thing. So bad.
“Yeah?” Gerard asks. He looks hopeful and Frank nods, taking Gerard's hand even if it's fucking cold, because they are friends, right?
“Yeah,” he answers, dragging Gerard with him.
~+~
“So...” Gerard says when they're standing outside Frank's house.
“Yeah?” Frank asks, because, what if Gerard doesn't want to after all?
“Hmmm...you gonna invite me in?” Gerard says, his cheeks going a bit pink. Frank shrugs, because okay, Gerard is weird and fucking polite, he didn't hear him swear once.
“Ahmmm...please come inside to play video games.”
“Thanks,” Gerard answers and Frank grabs his hand again.
~+~
And okay, he knew, he just knew his mom would love Gerard. But he can also see the worried looks she sends Gerard's way, because 'He doesn't eat enough I think....and he is really shy, isn't he?' And Frank just tells her he is polite and that maybe he just isn't hungry or is too shy to eat around people that aren't his family. And his mom just nods and lets it be, because her son has a friend.
~3~
“You don't need to sit so far away,” Frank says and doesn't roll his eyes, or tries to sniff at his shirt or something, because...that would look a bit freaky, right?
“I...” Gerard says, and Frank just scoots over, so their legs are touching and Frank can feel Gerard's bony knee against his own.
“Now take the controller and show me what you've got,” he says, reaching for the other controller and giving it to Gerard. The truth is he just isn’t up to speed with the do’s and don’ts when it comes to having friends, because he never had someone who wanted to spend so much time with him. And Gerard is kinda special.
~+~
His mom doesn't stop asking Gerard if he wants to have dinner with them, and he always says no or that he has already eaten or something, but Frank has never seen him eat. And okay, he has all these excuses he tells Frank's mom, but Frank really thinks that it's weird not to want to eat ice cream or cake. After all his mom makes the best cakes.
“You may be really good at killing zombies, but you know you are not going to win at Mario Cart. Because I'm the best, you'll see,” Frank says taking a sip from his juice, Gerard looks a bit uncertain, so Frank bumps him slightly and Gerard bumps back and Frank figures that it's just the manly thing to do.
“You see,” he says, satisfied after a four hour game and Gerard smiles at him, with his small teeth showing.
“You won,” Gerard says, putting the controller aside.
“Yeah, I won,” he answers, yawning and leaning into Gerard. And Gerard freezes and Frank thinks, okay, maybe friends don't do that, but he's seen the girls next door doing it all the time and it seemed like a nice thing to do but maybe Gerard isn’t down with personal space invasion...so he backs off and Gerard grabs his hand and Frank leans in again.
“I like that,” Gerard says, and Frank nods.
~+~
So the first time Gerard sleeps over, Frank is a nervous wreck. Because even if they are friends for nearly five months now and Gerard is still there, still waiting for Frank after school on that bench, now mostly with Frank's converse on his feet, Frank is still a bit unsure. Because, you see the thing is, Gerard is really cool and clever and an artist. He drew Frank zombie-ducks! Just because Frank told him about this nightmare he had and they didn't seem that scary anymore when Gerard had drawn them... In short; Gerard is awesome and Frank is not.
“He seems to like it here...” his mom says and Frank nods, because yeah, of course, he likes it here.
Gerard tells Frank stories about zombie-ducks and unicorns and Frank wonders where the hell Gerard heard those stories, but Gerard just says he made them all up.
“That is so cool,” Frank says and Gerard blushes and it looks like light pink frosting on a very pale cake or something.
~+~
So Gerard sleeps over more often than not on the weekends and tells stories and plays with Frank's hair and it feels nice to have someone, who has a nice voice to tell you bedtime stories about zombie-ducks, and he doesn't have any nightmares when Gerard sleeps over.
The only thing is that Gerard is usually gone when Frank wakes up. It's a bit disturbing.
And then they watch Dracula together and everything falls into place and Frank doesn't mean to, but he scoots away and Gerard presses himself into the far corner of the couch.
“So...” Gerard begins and Frank waits, but Gerard just makes a helpless gesture with his hand and then hides behind his dark hair. He looks miserable, and Frank doesn't want Gerard to look like that.
“You’re a vampire?” he asks, because wow...his friend is a vampire, right?
“Yeah...I can understand if you don't want to be friends anymore...” Gerard answers, trying to disappear into the corner of the couch, misery personified.
“NO!” Frank almost shouts, because he wants to stay friends with Gerard. He doesn't care. And all the weirdness? It all makes sense now.
“No?”
“No,” Frank answers, inching closer to Gerard. Gerard still doesn't move. So Frank reaches out carefully as if Gerard were a scared kitten and touches his arm and then his shoulder and inches closer all the time and then he just snuggles into Gerard and Gerard lets out a huge sigh of relief. Frank can feel it and it makes him smile.
“We need a special rig now so you can stay over the day,” Frank says and feels Gerard nod.
“We can make it together and you can paint were-unicorns on it or something...” Frank babbles on.
“I would like that,” Gerard says and he's playing with Frank's hair again. Yeah, Frank would like that a lot too.
~+~
“What?” Gerard says and backs away from Frank and Frank feels fucking hurt, because he is in pain. And he doesn't want to talk about it, but he kinda wants Gerard to stroke his hair and tell him stories and his mom works late on Wednesdays and he doesn't want to go home and...
“Wanna come home with me?” he asks and Gerard is still standing too far away and Frank doesn't know what is wrong.
“I can't,” Gerard says; his voice sounds strained, hands clenching at his side. Gerard just might, possibly be very, very angry.
“What? Why?”
“Because you are bleeding.” Gerard says and Frank doesn't understand. “I just can't,” Gerard says helplessly and disappears down the road.
Frank sits down on the bench and takes off his shoes. It's getting warmer and he feels lonely and maybe when he is barefoot he can feel like Gerard. He's sure it's because he is so small and can't do anything when things go bad, he is sure Gerard would've kicked Bert's stupid ass three weeks from Sunday or something. He is just too small and not strong enough and that's why he's bleeding all over his shirt and it's a good thing it's a black one.
He stares at the sky and wishes he were bigger. Wishes he would grow up already. Because it sucks to be eight years old and look like a five year old.
Three days later, Bert hobbles into school with a blue eye and a broken arm. Frank doesn't want to think that it has anything to do with Gerard, but he is just the tiniest bit happy that Bert got what he deserved.
~4~
With time he discovers that growing up isn't at all that great when your only friend doesn't do it too. Because, and Frank wasn't thinking about this at all - Frank didn't dare to think about a lot of this vampire stuff when he was younger, like blood sucking and sleeping in coffins, of course, he doesn't know about this, but... - Gerard is a vampire and they just don't change. He is stuck in this body like that girl in Interview With A Vampire and maybe now at thirteen, Frank begins to understand why Gerard doesn't like to watch that movie at all, why it makes him depressed.
~+~
It's not like he is growing up without Gerard, it's just that Gerard doesn't grow up and yeah, he could conceal it until he was eleven maybe and then his mom gave Gerard looks again and he stopped coming over when she was home. And now he has other friends, friends who are cool. Okay, not like having a vampire as a friend cool, but cool enough and they are not stuck in an eight year-old body. And he can go swimming with them when the sun shines and eat ice cream. Just do normal things. It's nice. And still he sometimes wishes he would not grow up, wishes he had said yes when Gerard offered to make him a vampire as well, so they could be undead friends forever, but he couldn't leave his mom.
~+~
“It’s my birthday! So, plans for tonight. Me, you, some dudes from school and the biggest pile of horror movies we can assemble,” Frank says. Gerard's head rests on the top of the bench. His eyes are closed and he is bare feet again. He can't wear Frank's shoes anymore, but Frank really wants to give Gerard some new ones for Christmas.
“Want me to come?” Gerard asks not looking at Frank.
“Did you not hear me? I said: you, me and some dudes from school,” Frank says, he knows this is difficult for Gerard as well. Frank always has to lie when they are together, to his mom, where he's going ('Meeting a friend.' It's not really a lie), to his friends, ('My cousin, okay? Let him be. He's cool.' Which is just a half-lie), to himself (but he is not going there right now).
“Okay,” Gerard says.
“Hey, Gerard...?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you drink blood?” Frank asks, and he knows, but he needs to hear this anyway.
“Yes.” Gerard says seriously. He turns to look at Frank, who is staring ahead.
“Okay...” Frank says, he knew, but...
“I don't kill people...” Gerard adds.
“You never killed anyone?” Frank asks relieved.
“I did...I'm not doing it anymore,” Gerard says, staring ahead, as Frank did before.
”Oh...”
Gerard sighs. “Frank...”
“Why don't you ever drink from me?” Frank interrupts him. It's mostly curiosity. He doesn't exactly know what he's asking. Why Gerard doesn't drink from him or what it would feel like if Gerard would. Maybe both.
“This is not some romantic...I don't know... Bella/Edward-crap,” Gerard answers sharply. “It hurts okay? It hurts and I don't want to hurt you.”
And maybe what he doesn't say is, Frank thinks, I don't want to lose you.
“Oh, okay...but...” he says, and maybe he shouldn't ask that.
“What?” Gerard asks, turning to look at him, but Frank looks ahead not meeting Gerard's eyes. So Gerard puts his small hands on both sides of his face and makes Frank look at Gerard. He is surprisingly strong for such a small creature. “What?” he asks again. His eyes serious and his lips too close, Frank thinks.
“But...it does give you...it makes you feel good?” Frank says.
Gerard lets go of his face. He kinda misses Gerard's cold hands on his skin. And it's strange to miss his freezing fingers, because, god, who misses something ice-cold touching their skin? But maybe the answer is: It's Gerard. Gerard sighs, drawing his knees close to his chest and resting his head on them. Half his face hidden by his black hair. It's like the first time he saw Gerard all these years ago. Gerard just didn't change, at all.
“Yeah, it does make me feel good, but then - don’t you feel good after eating an ice cream sundae? Same thing, I guess,” Gerard admits and something inside Frank feels painfully raw and hurt and jealous. He wants to be the one who makes Gerard feel good. He wants...things he shouldn't want.
“I'm sorry...” Gerard says after a while.
“What for?” Frank asks and tries not to snap at Gerard, who looks small and earnest and lost. He feels suddenly really angry and wishes he never met Gerard in the first place.
“For making you miserable and angry and being here...” Gerard says softly. And yeah, Frank is an ass, he feels like one right fucking now. Might be all that puberty crap. He reaches out for Gerard and grabs him by the neck gently to make his head rest on his chest.
“You are not making me miserable.”
“You are a bad liar.”
“That's just your vampiric super power...” Frank answers with a laugh. Gerard's small hand fists in Frank's hoodie. “Hey, I mean it...”
“Okay,” Gerard breaths out and Frank strokes his hair to calm him down or maybe himself. Maybe it doesn't even matter.
~+~
Then one night he wakes up next to Gerard because he was dreaming about Gerard - and in his dream maybe Gerard was older, and Frank knows that technically Gerard is a lot older, okay, he knows, but Gerard still looks like a kid, he freaks out a bit.
It's normal he thinks, it's normal. He is nearly fifteen now, okay in seven months, but still... It's normal and with Gerard being all close and stroking his hair while he sleeps...and shit, he thinks.
“Are you okay?” Gerard asks softly, trying to inch closer, Frank can't, just can't.
“No, and...could you like not...snuggle close right now?” he asks and Gerard lets go of his hair and inches away to the edge of the small twin bed. Frank feels really awful.
“Did I do something wrong?” Gerard wants to know.
“No...It's just me. I can't...” he doesn't know how to finish this sentence and he is still painfully hard and he can't do anything about it right now with Gerard here. In his bed.
“Frank?” Gerard asks, reaching out again.
“Don't touch me,” he bites out and it's really the worst thing to say right now.
“Okay...maybe I should...go?” Gerard asks and Frank nods, because yeah that would be a good idea and he can't deal with this. Not now. He closes his eyes, because he doesn't want to watch Gerard go, not that he would see much in the darkness of the room, but still. He can't hear anything either, because Gerard doesn't make a sound if he doesn't want to and right now he doesn't seem to want to make any sounds.
~+~
Things are getting weird between them. He can't help it and he doesn't think Gerard can either and he wants to talk about this, he really does, but he can't because what can he say? That he is having sex dreams about his best friend? Who is a vampire in an eight year old body? Yeah, exactly. And besides he doesn't even think Gerard knows about sex, as he was eight when he died. Got turned. Joined the undead. Whatever.
“This is the longest I've stayed anywhere...” Gerard says out of the blue a few days later; they are sitting on the couch, watching a movie. Frank figured it was a safe thing to do.
Frank sets his glass down and turns to look at Gerard. “What are you trying to say?”
“I usually don't make friends?”Gerard says with a sad smile. It looks sad to Frank.
“Are you.. leaving?” Because he never thought of this possibility, that Gerard could leave.
“For a little while...just to figure things out,” Gerard says. He is playing with the hem of his t-shirt, well one of Frank's old ones, anyway. He looks so damn cute, Frank thinks.
“What things?”
“Frank...”
“Do you want to go back to your people...I mean...like are there other vampires?”
Gerard nods. “Yeah, there are other vampires.”
“And you are going back?”
“Yes,” Gerard says, looking miserable.
“It is not because of me, is it? I mean...because I was an ass the last time. I really don't mean to...It's just...”
“Frank. I have to go, okay? I never...this wasn't supposed to happen,” Gerard says.
And what the hell does that mean? Frank thinks pissed off again. “What? Us?”
“Yes, us...I was just in the park that time because...well...” he spreads his hands helplessly, and Frank can't help but think that maybe, when Gerard would've been older he would have smoked. Waving his cigarette as he talks. Gesturing around like he does constantly with a pencil.
“To what, feed?” Frank asks in disbelief. That thought never crossed his mind.
“Yes,” Gerard answers.
“God...”
“I'm sorry...”
“No...I just...no.” Frank says, reaching for Gerard to snuggle up, “No, it's okay.”
“It's not,” Gerard mumbles into Frank's shirt. Maybe it's not, Frank thinks, but it's in Gerard's nature and so it makes it okay.
“You'll come back, right?” Frank asks after a while.
“Yeah.”
“Soon.” And it's not a question, because Frank can't stand it as a question.
“As soon as I can,” Gerard answers softly, reaching up to pet the soft hair at Frank's neck. Frank sighs, it's not the answer he wanted to hear.
“I'll wait here.”
“Okay,” Gerard says.
“Okay.”
~5~
Gerard leaves at the beginning of April and Frank thinks, hopes, he will be back by October for his birthday. Gerard never told him when his birthday was, maybe because you don't celebrate them when you are a vampire? He doesn't know. There is a lot about Gerard he doesn't know.
He waits for Gerard to come back. He never forgets it, goes by the park every day after school and when summer comes he goes by in the evenings as the sun sets later.
The bench is always empty.
“Wanna come over after school?” Mikey asks and Frank is torn. Mikey is cool, also new in town and he likes Frank and he kinda reminds Frank of Gerard in a totally hard-to-describe way. Because it's not like Mikey looks like Gerard or something, or is an artist, or...but sometimes when he gestures with his cigarette it's like seeing Gerard gesturing with a pencil.
It makes Frank's heart ache.
Mikey reminded him so much of Gerard that Frank gave him a formal invitation when Mikey came over to play video games. To Mikey’s credit, he just smiled and rolled with it.
"Can we stop by at the park?” Frank asks.
Mikey gives him a look. “It's not on my way,” he says.
“I know. Humour me?” Frank answers.
“This important?” Mikey wants to know. Frank likes that Mikey just asks the question he feels the need to know the answers to, he isn't prying.
“Yeah, it is.”
“Okay, but the coffee’s on you then,” Mikey say, grabbing his bag, Frank nods, following him out of the classroom.
The bench is empty again and now it's getting dark early, so Gerard could totally be lurking around the shadows and stuff. He sighs. Mikey nudges his side and Frank nudges back.
~+~
His birthday comes and goes and no Gerard in sight, not even a word. Well, okay he totally found that card in his mail on his birthday and he was stupidly pleased, as there were singing zombie-ducks on it, and one trying to steal cake. Saying: 'Caaaaaaaaaaaaake', you know like zombies say 'Braaaaaaaaaaaaaiins'.
Frank loves that card.
“That's pretty cool,” Mikey says, pointing at the card Frank had pinned above his desk.
“A friend made it for me,” Frank answers and he feels totally proud of Gerard.
“Someone I know?”
“No, he is...he moved away at the beginning of the year,” Frank says.
“I'm sorry.”
“Whatever...wanna play video games?” Frank says, he really doesn't want to talk about Gerard anymore. It makes his heart clench painfully.
“Yeah.”
~+~
So he buys the converse for Gerard and lets the sales lady wrap them in the darkest wrapping paper they have. Because maybe Gerard will come home for Christmas. He is not giving up on Gerard just now. He is gone merely a few months after all. And he said he would come back.
“What's that?” his mom asks as he comes back from shopping.
“A gift for Gerard...” he answers without thinking about it.
“You two still friends? I haven't seen him in years,” his mom says.
“He moved away, but maybe he will be back for Christmas,” Frank answers and it's not even a lie.
“I always liked that weird boy...I kinda miss him,” his mom says.
Yeah, Frank thinks, he kinda misses Gerard too. A fucking lot.
Gerard doesn't come back for Christmas; Frank puts the present on the top shelf of his closet.
~+~
One afternoon in late April, they're hanging out in front of Ray's house, Mikey nudges him and he spills half his coke on Ray's new shirt.
“Dude! Watch it,” Ray says, taking the shirt off. It's not really cold, but it's not really warm yet either. Frank figures it's Ray's special power that he doesn't freeze to death.
“Sorry, Mikey's fault,” Frank says, he spilled some onto his hand as well. So he licks it off.
“Gross,” Ray says, Frank shrugs. Mikey nudges him again.
“What?!” he asks irritated.
“Kate's staring at you,” Mikey says. He's not quiet or anything about it. Kate is in their history class and also friends with Ray's neighbour Marina.
“What?”
“Kate is staring at you,” he repeats in his duh-voice. Frank isn't usually the one on the receiving end of that one.
“Right.”
“No, seriously.”
“Right,” Frank says again, taking out a cigarette.
“Mikey might be right. Her friend, what's her name...?”
“Alice.” Mikey supplies helpfully. How come Mikey always knows that kind of shit? Frank wonders.
“Right, the one with the curly hair,” Ray says; Mikey nods. “She asked me about you, dude, during art class,” Ray finishes.
Frank has no clue why Ray took art, maybe because so many chicks are in it? Frank took it because he likes art and that way he feels closer to Gerard.
“Yeah?” Frank asks.
“Yeah. She’s a hottie,” Ray says.
“And has good taste in music.” Which coming from Mikey means something.
“You should ask her out,” Ray says, Mikey nods.
“Maybe, I’ll see,” Frank answers. But he doesn't think so...
~+~
In the end he asks her out, but she bores him to death. So they go out like two times and then Frank just tells her they are better off as friends, maybe. And she huffs and doesn't talk to him again.
“Smooth...” Mikey says, he is lying on the floor of Frank's room, staring at the zombie-duck post card.
“Whatever. She wasn't the one,” Frank answers.
“Obviously,” Mikey says, taking another drag of his cigarette.
~+~
On his sixteenth birthday he gets another card, this time with vampire-unicorns, but there are also zombie-duck-balloons on it. The only thing Gerard wrote on the back is: Happy birthday, Frankie! Gerard.
Not a word when he will be back or if he will be back, or where he is. That's the only proof of life, undeadness, whatever, Frank gets and it hurts.
“What's with the zombie-ducks?” Mikey asks.
“When I was a kid I had this stupid dream about zombie-ducks and I was really freaked out okay? And then Gerard like, drew them for me and they were cute, I suppose and now...”
“That's cute...” Mikey says and Frank knows he means it. He really likes Mikey.
“Yeah...”
~+~
He buys a present for Gerard that year for Christmas as well and then just puts it in his closet next to the one he bought last year.
He doesn't go by the park every day anymore.
~+~
He doesn't exactly know how it happens but he asks Marina, Ray's neighbour, out on a Friday and she says yes. He likes her, she is funny and smart and two years older and has a really cool tattoo on her ankle.
They kind of get together, like a couple and Ray mocks him about it, a lot, but Mikey just smiles at him sometimes in this way, that reminds him a lot of Gerard and Frank doesn't know what to do with that.
“Whatever, dude. She is like two years older. Freakin’ Mrs Robinson you got there,” Ray says.
“Yeah, she knows things,” Frank says with a grin and Ray spills his coke.
“What kind of things?”
“Things, older girls know. Experience,” Frank answers smugly.
“This serious for you?” Mikey asks from the corner of the couch.
“Yeah,” because he thinks it is.
~+~
Marina breaks up with him a few days before his seventeenth birthday. He is not as surprised as he maybe should be. Or well, not.
“I'm sorry,” Mikey says, he's lying on Frank's bed next to Frank, close enough that their shoulders and legs touch, and it feels comforting.
“She never played with my hair,” Frank says. He's staring at the new postcard from Gerard. A herd of zombie-ducks, seventeen, on a cake. The same words as last year and the year before that. Happy birthday, Frankie! Gerard.
“What?”
“I...Gerard always played with my hair. She said it was a childish habit,” he answers sighing.
“Hmm...” Mikey says, shifting beside him and then just kinda starts petting Frank's hair. It doesn’t feel like the way Gerard did it, but it feels nice.
“Thanks.”
“It's you birthday, dude,” Mikey answers, shrugging.
Frank smiles.
~+~
He buys another pair of shoes for Gerard and a shirt because it's really cool and Mikey, who came with him cos he wanted to buy something for his mom or maybe girlfriend or that Pete guy he is hanging out with a lot (they are not talking about what that thing between him and Pete is), gives him a look.
“What?”
“That's kinda small?” Mikey says.
“It will fit,” Frank says and lets the sales lady wrap it up in paper with little skulls on it. Mikey just shrugs.
Gerard doesn't come home for Christmas that year either.
~6~
“I can't play for shit,” Mikey says and Lynz gives him a look.
“I heard you play, it's not bad,” she says, Ray nods beside him.
“Are you guys serious about this?” he asks. Frank nods. He is serious about this. He always wanted to play in a band. And if they don’t do it now, when will they get a chance again?
“You in, Ray?” Frank asks and Ray nods.
“For god's sake...okay,” Mikey says. Frank makes victory signs at all of them. Lynz slaps his hand.
“You guys realise you need a singer and maybe someone to play the drums?” Lynz says.
“Frank can sing,” Ray says.
“Frank can scream...” Lynz answers, rolling her eyes at her boyfriend.
“I know this guy...” Mikey begins.
“If it's Saporta, I don't want to hear it,” Frank interrupts him.
“It's not Saporta, besides he has a band. His name is Bert.”
“No fucking way,” Frank says.
“Okay,” Mikey shrugs and doesn't ask why.
“So...Bob can play drums,” Lynz offers.
“From your school?” Frank asks.
“Yeah.”
“Bring him along next Friday,” Frank says, Lynz nods.
~+~
In late February, when he's walking home from band practice one Friday, he walks by the park and on the bench is a figure and his heart skips a beat; stupid traitorous heart.
“Hey,” he says and the figure turns around and it's not Gerard, it's a girl, she is young. Maybe seventeen. She is curled in on herself and that's why he thought it was a child sitting on that bench. It's so stupid he thinks, to hope and wait and if Gerard would come back, he would surely knock on his fucking door right? He should have known that this small girl was not Gerard, but still something clenches at that thought inside him.
“Hey,” she says, with a shy smile and that's how he meets Sylvia.
~+~
They go out a couple of times and he begins to like her a fucking lot, he wasn't together with anyone (except this one short fling with that guy from that band...but no one knows about that) since Marina.
She likes the music his band makes and his band likes her as well, but she doesn't play with his hair either and he doesn't ask for it.
~+~
“You know, the drawings?” Mikey says, waving his cigarette around. The window is wide open, because his mom hates it when the whole room smells like cigarette smoke.
“What about them?” Frank asks, because he wasn't aware they were having a conversation. It's too hot to talk, or move or even breath. July is really fucking hot this year.
“The zombie-ducks and shit?” Mikey asks, sitting up so he can look at Frank, Frank cracks one eye open.
“Hmm.”
“I've seen this stuff before, I mean not like this, but like...something about it was familiar okay and so I did some digging and Helena, my grandmother, she had a brother, well she had two actually, who died very young...he was drawing stuff like that. He was fucking talented. Helena always said, later, okay much later when she was really old, she always said her brother was not dead...that she could see him...”
“Yeah?” Frank asks.
“His name was Gerard,” Mikey says and Frank's eyes snap open. He sits up to look at Mikey.
“You had a family member called Gerard who was into drawing zombie-ducks?”
“Unicorns,” Mikey says.
“Vampire-unicorns?” Frank asks. Mikey nods.
“Weird, hmmm?”
“Yeah...” Frank answers and feels things fall into place slowly. It's because of this blood connection that Mikey and Gerard are sharing that Mikey reminds him so much of Gerard. Maybe he could tell Mikey about Gerard, as he is family of some sorts? On the other hand, who would believe he had a tinny vampire friend?
~+~
“So, this Gerard guy...” Mikey says and Frank knew this would come back to haunt him. They are lying on the floor, and Mikey is petting his hair softly, while Frank is smoking. They wanted to meet up with Ray and Bob, but Ray is doing some anniversary thing with Lynz and Bob is doing some drumming with Andy and it's not like they wanted to do anything important anyway. Just hang out, watch zombie-movies and get drunk, cos Frank's mom is working late. Sylvia is visiting her cousin two states over.
“Yeah?” he says, letting smoke out of his lungs.
“You always buy him like really small clothes...” Mikey says.
“Yeah.”
“Frank, is he...a ghost?” Mikey asks, his breath ghosting over Frank's skin.
“No,” Frank says.
“But he is my...he is Helena's brother, right?” Mikey asks, Frank closes his eyes and Mikey tugs his hair sharply for emphasis.
“The fuck?!”
“Answer me.”
“That's ridiculous...you said he’s dead.”
“Helena, my grandma, said he came back,” Mikey says. God, the Ways are so weird.
“He..I don’t think...maybe?” Frank answers, sighing.
“What is he?”
“Take a guess,” Frank says.
“You think I won't believe you, right? Come on, remember who you're talking to. So, he is a...?” Mikey says, petting his hair again.
“A vampire,” Frank says, letting out a long breath.
“Really? You had a tiny vampire friend when you were young?”
“Yeah.” Frank answers.
“That's so cool,” Mikey says.
“Yeah,” because it really is, when you are young.
That evening he tells Mikey everything from that first day he met Gerard on that bench in the park one winter evening to the day Gerard just went away. And the whole time Mikey keeps quiet and just listens and smokes and lights up cigarettes for Frank and is just there.
“That's why you liked me,” Mikey says.
“I like you for you,” Frank answers, because that is true. He can feel Mikey smile into his shoulder.
“Yeah, I know. But it helped that you have a fucking crush on Gerard, who is a vampire...” Mikey
says, with a soft laugh.
“Shut up, I don't have a crush, he is eight.”
“He's over seventy...”
“And never been kissed. You see a problem here?”Frank asks.
“Yeah...” Mikey answers. His breath warm and moist on Frank's neck. He thinks that he would really like to kiss Mikey, but that it would be really a bad idea now, with him having a girlfriend and Mikey being...well Mikey.
The first tentative lick of Mikey's tongue against Frank's neck seals the deal for Frank, he flips them over so he looks down at Mikey, who's hair is mused and lips are glistering in the dim light of the dying day. Mikey licks his lips and Frank leans down to kiss him for real.
~+~
He doesn't tell Sylvia about it, because it was only a kiss and besides Sylvia seems very distracted since she came back.
“So?” Frank asks and she looks at him.
“So what?”
“So, what is wrong with you?” he asks, he really thinks about telling her about Mikey. But maybe that's just selfish.
“Nothing...” she says, snuggling closer to him. He missed her, he realises, but he also misses Mikey who pets his hair just right, even if differently from Gerard.
“Sylvia...” he starts, but she interrupts him.
“I...met someone,” she says quietly and he just sits there holding her.
“Like someone-someone or just someone?”
“I don't know,” she says. “But I don't want to break up or anything, I just thought, I should tell you...nothing happened,” she adds, as he strokes her shoulder and she keeps quiet.
~+~
Things between him and Mikey are tense for a few days, but then they just find a routine again. Still, it's not the same anymore. Because Frank acknowledged that something between them and so did Mikey.
~+~
Frank's eighteenth birthday comes and goes and there is no card and no proof of unlife at all from Gerard and Frank is fucking crushed. Deep down he knew that Gerard would not come back, he's sure by now Gerard has found someone else, someone cooler and younger, to be friends with and maybe that someone even let Gerard change him so they could be tiny little undead friends forever.
“Hey,” Mikey says and Frank turns around to look at him.
“Hey,” he answers.
“Your mom let me in...”
“Hmm...”
“What's wrong? It's your birthday and you are lively as a Belle and Sebastian concert,” Mikey asks, closing the door softly and making his way to the bed.
“There's no card from Gerard...”
“Maybe the mail is late,” Mikey says.
“It never was late. He just isn't coming back...he forgot about me. He is not coming back. ”Frank says, taking a drag from his cigarette.
“I have a present for you...but I'm not sure...” Mikey says and Frank sits up.
“Yeah? What is it?” Because Mikey makes really cool or really disastrous presents.
“Here,” he says, pushing a small packet at Frank, it's wrapped in an old copy of the Rolling Stone. Frank smiles. “We don't have any wrapping paper at home...”
The small thing turns out to be a picture frame and inside is an old faded picture of Gerard. He looks exactly like Frank remembers him.
“Thanks...” Frank says, quietly.
“I...yeah, don't mention it,” Mikey answers, Frank leans into him, clutching Gerard's picture to his chest and Mikey begins to pet his hair in that perfect way only a Way can manage, Frank thinks.
~7~
One evening in late November when he gets home from the bus station, because he always goes with his girlfriend to make sure she is safe, he has the feeling that someone is following him and he swears it's Gerard, but of course not, because Gerard didn't even send a card this year. He...and it hurts to admit it to himself, but it's still the truth, he forgot about Frank.
~+~
“There's a guy staring at you,” Sylvia whispers into his ear, during a break in the set one of Andy's bands is playing. Maybe even that one Pete is in as well.
“Really?” Frank asks, looking around, but a few seconds later he mentally bangs his head against the wall, because hello? What was he thinking? No one would let an eight year old inside anyway. He honestly doesn't know why he still hopes. It's so stupid.
“Yeah, he was like older and hot in a creepy way...I don't know,” she says, laughing nervously.
And yeah, Frank knows that kind. Everyone in the scene does, really.
~+~
“You're going to buy a gift for Gerard this year as well?” Mikey asks out of the blue, he is lying beside Frank on the small twin bed. They are not touching, not deliberately, despite the bed being small.
“I don't know, maybe. Maybe he comes back this year,” Frank says. He doesn't believe it anymore because it's been four years already and he is eighteen and there was no card from Gerard in the mail. That means something, right? It's Gerard's way to say he is not coming back and that Frank should, like, be with the living or something.
Mikey turns to reach over Frank for Gerard's picture sitting on Frank's night stand. His sleeve brushes Frank's face for a second and he suppresses a shiver. Fuck, he thinks.
“You should, maybe...I used to see him around Christmas the first few years, when I was small...maybe until I got seven or something. I remember now. We never talked. I would like to talk to him. I hope he comes back,” Mikey says.
“Yeah, I hope he does too,” Frank answers, snuggling closer to Mikey. Mikey puts the frame between them and grabs Frank's hand to hold it until they fall asleep.
~+~
Okay, this is not his fault. It's not his fault that his fucking car broke down in a not so pretty part of the town. And it really doesn't help that Sylvia is totally bitching him out for this shit. But she is bitching more often lately and maybe it's his fault, because he is spending so much time with the band (but this is serious, okay?) and Mikey, well...he kinda loves Mikey.
“I told you we should have taken the bus!” she says beside him and she told him that like a million times in the last few minutes. It's just a half an hour walk to the next bus station so she really shouldn't bitch about it that much. He doesn't say it, because he is not in the mood to fight with her. Again.
“Yeah, you should listen to her,” someone says behind him and Frank turns around. It's this guy that was pissing him off at the show tonight.
“Frank...” Sylvia says softly tugging at his sleeve, he knows okay? He knows. But it's still hard to just walk away.
“Listen to your bitch, man, you shouldn't mess around with someone who is bigger than you.” The guy says and Sylvia tightens her grip on his arm.
“Shut the fuck up!” Frank grits out.
“Or what?”
“Or I'll kick your stupid fat ass,” Frank says and the guy laughs. Because, of fucking course this stupid jerk is not alone.
“Frank,” Sylvia says with emphasis. He doesn't care, he is pissed off and that stupid fat ass comment? He totally deserves it.
The first punch is always the worst, because his knuckles fucking hurt, but it always gets better after that. He thinks that things aren't looking that bad, even if he is bleeding, but it's him against three so...all in all. Okay, let’s be honest here, he thinks, he doesn't stand a chance and Sylvia looks fucking freaked out. He guesses he will end up in the hospital with a few bruises and a few broken bones if he's lucky.
The next punch he doesn't even see coming, just hears Sylvia scream something, and that's why his ass kisses the pavement really hard. He feels the blood run down his face and can taste it in his mouth because his lip is split and maybe that sound his wrist made...maybe that was not good.
So, when he's honest with himself when they're done with him maybe the hospital stay will be a longer one. He wipes his hand across his forehead, spits blood out and makes to stand up, because clearly he can't stay down here, they don't look like they wouldn't kick someone in the kidneys just because he's down, and then there is this shape. Like really fast and before he can blink the stupid fat ass is lying on the ground beside Frank and one of the others is running away and he doesn't know where the third is but he doesn't care. Sylvia is screaming at him, but he can't concentrate on her, because there is Gerard, older, but he knows. He knows. He looks really scary. Like he could rip someone apart without a second thought. Frank just stares and Gerard stares back, breathing hard. With blood on his hands and... shit, Frank thinks. He can hear Sylvia say something, but he doesn't look away from Gerard.
“Gerard...?” he says softly and Gerard seems to snap out of whatever daze he was in and opens his mouth, but then just turns and flees. And Frank is really pissed and he is not letting Gerard go away. He is not. He is damned if he does. He gets up and runs after Gerard and doesn't look back, doesn't check on his girlfriend, but she was screaming and that means she was okay, right?
~+~
He is bruised and bleeding and Gerard is right there, just a few yards ahead and maybe he smokes too much, because breathing is really an issue right fucking now, but he is not giving up, he can't...he can't. He leans against a wall to catch his breath, because fuck! FUCK! How can Gerard do this to him?! He coughs and spits blood out. Fuck, maybe a doctor would not be his enemy today. He opens his eyes just to see Gerard standing a few feet away.
“Are you okay, Frankie?” Gerard asks and no one, not even his girlfriend calls him Frankie. Frankie is a kid's name. He is not a kid.
"Fuck....YOU....mother....fucker." Frank wheezes, breathing air is really not cool if your body hurts so fucking much. He steadies himself and looks up at Gerard and what the fuck, since when is Gerard taller than him? He feels really miserable and Gerard looks like he wants to take off any second. And Frank doesn't know what to say to make him stay.
“You're bleeding...” Gerard says and licks his lips. Oh, Frank thinks, oh.
“I need to lie down...” Frank says and Gerard looks uncertain for a minute, but then he kinda just picks him up and carries him back to his house. And okay, this might be a bit humiliating, but Frank is not going to complain now and make Gerard take off again. He passes out instead.
~+~
“So...” Gerard says, standing awkwardly on Frank's porch. And he looks like he is going to run away again, but Frank is not going to let that happen.
“Please come in...” he whispers, grabbing Gerard's wrist and tugging him inside the dark and still house. His mom is away for the weekend, but even if she weren't, Gerard doesn't make a sound as he follows Frank up into his room.
~+~
Frank lets go of Gerard's hand to close the door behind them and then just stands there, staring really hard at Gerard, like really hard, taking everything in. All the changes and it's still Gerard, but older, like maybe 25 or 27 or something. But still beautiful and all his small sharp teeth are still there, Frank could see them as he spoke. God, he missed Gerard so fucking much, and he is still in pain and confused and fucking pissed, because Gerard left and said he would be back...soon and it took him years and it's not like he came back to see Frank right away..., right?
“I'm so mad at you,” Frank says, his voice just above a whisper, he is staring at Gerard's chest. Not meeting his eyes just yet. “I'm so pissed at you...” he says again, walking slowly over to Gerard, who is standing at the door, looking up as he says: “But if you leave again I'll be fucking furious.” He takes Gerard's hand and leads him to the bed and as Gerard sits down, he goes over to his closet (with all the shoes and shirts he bought for Gerard that will not fit anymore) and takes out the rig, they made as a weekend project when they were kids, with the vampire unicorns on them and the pale moon and clouds and shit. Because, he never gave up. He never gave up on Gerard. He pins it to the window to block out all the light and suddenly it's really dark in the room, but this is Frank's room so he finds his way to his bed blind. And as he lies down, he drags Gerard with him and wraps around him, because he is not letting Gerard get away again. He is not.
~+~
When he wakes up it's still dark and he is confused for a second before he remembers that he put the rig on the window. His hand clenches involuntary in Gerard's shirt.
“I'm still here,” Gerard says softly. Frank can feel his breath on his skin and Gerard still smells like he remembers it. Kind of sweet and earthy. Solid.
Frank relaxes a bit, but doesn't roll away, there is no room and besides he doesn't want to. “You are old now...why?” he asks into Gerard's shirt.
Gerard shrugs and looks at the ceiling. "I didn't want to be eight forever. I didn't want to be left behind."
Frank wants to say something, but he doesn't know where to start. So he just snuggles closer to Gerard and Gerard just begins to pet his hair. Runs his fingers through it lightly, and it's longer now, but it feels still good and yeah, the Ways are totally magical. He sighs and relaxes a bit more into Gerard's touch.
“You did that for me?” Frank asks, quietly. It isn't really a question, he already knows the answer to that, but like with the asking about Gerard drinking blood all those years ago, he just needs to hear it.
“Yes,” Gerard answers.
Frank barely lets him get the full syllable out before he is pushing up on the tiny twin bed and straddling Gerard's body and kissing him with his hands on both sides of his face. He doesn't know what Gerard did when he was away, but he doesn't think it was kissing other people, because his mouth is soft and tentative and totally cute and Frank had maybe made out with people who were more experienced but this is still one of the most amazing kisses he has ever shared with someone. Gerard's hands are hesitant as they run up and down Frank's thighs and back and he knows Gerard is trying to touch him wherever possible, because he's been there, okay, he knows how it feels, how new all this is. And maybe they are going too fast and he is still in his bloody clothes and...
“Is this working for you?” he asks into Gerard's mouth.
“God, yes,” Gerard answers, and it's really more a hiss. Frank laughs into his mouth and Gerard nips his lip with his small sharp teeth and Frank didn't know he likes that, but boy, he does.
Maybe they're really going too fast here but he wanted this and he knows Gerard wanted this as well for years now and he doesn't want to wait. By the way Gerard pushes and rocks against him he thinks that Gerard is totally okay with this as well.
He is too hot and frantic and Gerard is licking dried blood from his neck and his thrusts are getting erratic and sloppy and he really should be a bit ashamed that he is going to come in his pants any minute, but he isn’t.
He bites Gerard's neck as he comes and Gerard hisses in surprise, following him shortly after.
~+~
After, when they're lying snuggled together, naked, but not fooling around, just being close (and Gerard's body is still kinda chilly but not that freezing cold he remembers), Gerard stroking Frank's hair, Gerard looks over at the nightstand and reaches for the frame.
“That's me...” he says and Frank looks up, he doesn't want to, but he needs to call his girlfriend and tell her they should, like see other people, anyway.
“Yeah...”
“Where did you get it?” Gerard asks, putting it on the night stand again and leaning down to kiss Frank's head.
“Mikey,” Frank says, getting up on his elbows to kiss Gerard properly. He needs to shut Gerard up, because he is so totally ready to make Gerard come again before they need to get up for breakfast.
~end~