Match.com Misadventures
Let me get this out of the way: my poor, poor friend has terrible luck on Match.com.
That said, I bring you one of her newest unsuitable suitors.
Meet BirdmanBill.
Nature Lover out to See the Wonders of the Earth.
35-year-old man
Brewster, New York, United States
seeking women 18-40
within 50 miles of Brewster, New York
Relationships:Never MarriedHave kids:NoneWant kids:Not sureEthnicity:White / CaucasianBody type:A few extra poundsHeight:5'11" (180.3cms)Religion:Christian / CatholicSmoke:No WayDrink:I don't drink alcoholAbout me and what I'm looking for
I am a fun-loving guy who loves being outside in the fresh air. I love anything that deals with being outside like hiking and nature watching.I am a avid bird watcher and like to travel the world looking for birds. The same can be said for butterflies as well. I am also a great photographer and enjoy taking photos.Im a willing and patient teacher and willing to take people out to learn about nature . I like quiet times to talk as well. I allways have a postive attitude and am a friendly thoughtfull guy who likes to talk about anything. I like someone who shares alot with me and is honest especally on their feelings. Honesty is a plus. You have to be patient and understanding.I hope somebody takes a chance on me and says hello. You will never regret it. I enjoy other things in life besides nature .I am open and willing to try new things. Just need a good partner in crime That why I joined match.com. Someone to talk to and maybe meet and have fun and excitment with.
About my life
Hair:Dark blondeEyes:BlueBest feature:EyesBody art:NoneSports and exercise:Walking / Hiking,
Other types of exerciseExercise habits:NeverDaily diet:Meat and potatoes,
Keep it healthyInterests:Hobbies and crafts,
Museums and art,
Music and concerts,
Political interests,
Travel/Sightseeing,
Volunteering,
Watching sports,
Dining outEducation:Bachelors degreeOccupation:Teacher / ProfessorIncome:Less Than $25,000Languages:EnglishPolitics:Middle of the RoadSign:AquariusMy place:Live with parents/extended familyPets I have:No AnswerPets I like:Dogs,
Horses,
CatsAbout my date
Hair:AnyEyes:AnyHeight:5’ 6" (168.0 cms) to
6’ 4" (193.0 cms)Body type:A few extra pounds,
About average,
Athletic and toned,
Curvy,
SlenderLanguages:AnyEthnicity:AnyFaith:AnyEducation:Graduate degree,
PhD / Post Doctoral,
Bachelors degreeJob:Teacher / ProfessorIncome:$25,001 to $35,000: $35,001 to $50,000: $50,001 to $75,000: $75,001 to $100,000Smoke:No WayDrink:I don't drink alcohol,
Social drinker, maybe one or twoRelationships:Never MarriedHave kids:NoneWant kids:SomedayTurn-ons:Candlelight,
Dancing,
Public displays of affection,
Thrills,
Thunderstorms,
FlirtingTurn-offs:Body piercings,
Power,
Tattoos
Wow, he sounds like a great guy, doesn't he?
Here's a series of emails from this sexy hunk of a man, to my friend, regarding a few of her Match.com pictures.
Everyone knows girls go wild with lust when ugly, illiterate men insult their interests and best friends!
Two of the pictures are of her with Dave Gahan of Depeche Mode. Another is of her with her best friend, who is a male. The rest are all pictures of her alone. Her reply:
His further replies:
Does he look like a cannibal or is it just me?
I couldn't help myself. I constructed an email meant to scare him while mocking him at the same time. If he could fall, even just for a second, for a scam on Match.com -- and everyone has seen how badly written and obvious these are -- I hope my email makes him stay up at night, terrified, rocking back and forth, crying softly to himself in his mommy's basement.
Also, note the Google ads on the side of the last email. They nearly made me spew my drink all over my monitor.
Surely she isn't the only one who gets inundated with fools like this? What the hell?!
That said, I bring you one of her newest unsuitable suitors.
Meet BirdmanBill.
Nature Lover out to See the Wonders of the Earth.
35-year-old man
Brewster, New York, United States
seeking women 18-40
within 50 miles of Brewster, New York
Relationships:Never MarriedHave kids:NoneWant kids:Not sureEthnicity:White / CaucasianBody type:A few extra poundsHeight:5'11" (180.3cms)Religion:Christian / CatholicSmoke:No WayDrink:I don't drink alcoholAbout me and what I'm looking for
I am a fun-loving guy who loves being outside in the fresh air. I love anything that deals with being outside like hiking and nature watching.I am a avid bird watcher and like to travel the world looking for birds. The same can be said for butterflies as well. I am also a great photographer and enjoy taking photos.Im a willing and patient teacher and willing to take people out to learn about nature . I like quiet times to talk as well. I allways have a postive attitude and am a friendly thoughtfull guy who likes to talk about anything. I like someone who shares alot with me and is honest especally on their feelings. Honesty is a plus. You have to be patient and understanding.I hope somebody takes a chance on me and says hello. You will never regret it. I enjoy other things in life besides nature .I am open and willing to try new things. Just need a good partner in crime That why I joined match.com. Someone to talk to and maybe meet and have fun and excitment with.
About my life
Hair:Dark blondeEyes:BlueBest feature:EyesBody art:NoneSports and exercise:Walking / Hiking,
Other types of exerciseExercise habits:NeverDaily diet:Meat and potatoes,
Keep it healthyInterests:Hobbies and crafts,
Museums and art,
Music and concerts,
Political interests,
Travel/Sightseeing,
Volunteering,
Watching sports,
Dining outEducation:Bachelors degreeOccupation:Teacher / ProfessorIncome:Less Than $25,000Languages:EnglishPolitics:Middle of the RoadSign:AquariusMy place:Live with parents/extended familyPets I have:No AnswerPets I like:Dogs,
Horses,
CatsAbout my date
Hair:AnyEyes:AnyHeight:5’ 6" (168.0 cms) to
6’ 4" (193.0 cms)Body type:A few extra pounds,
About average,
Athletic and toned,
Curvy,
SlenderLanguages:AnyEthnicity:AnyFaith:AnyEducation:Graduate degree,
PhD / Post Doctoral,
Bachelors degreeJob:Teacher / ProfessorIncome:$25,001 to $35,000: $35,001 to $50,000: $50,001 to $75,000: $75,001 to $100,000Smoke:No WayDrink:I don't drink alcohol,
Social drinker, maybe one or twoRelationships:Never MarriedHave kids:NoneWant kids:SomedayTurn-ons:Candlelight,
Dancing,
Public displays of affection,
Thrills,
Thunderstorms,
FlirtingTurn-offs:Body piercings,
Power,
Tattoos
Wow, he sounds like a great guy, doesn't he?
Here's a series of emails from this sexy hunk of a man, to my friend, regarding a few of her Match.com pictures.
Everyone knows girls go wild with lust when ugly, illiterate men insult their interests and best friends!
Two of the pictures are of her with Dave Gahan of Depeche Mode. Another is of her with her best friend, who is a male. The rest are all pictures of her alone. Her reply:
His further replies:
Does he look like a cannibal or is it just me?
I couldn't help myself. I constructed an email meant to scare him while mocking him at the same time. If he could fall, even just for a second, for a scam on Match.com -- and everyone has seen how badly written and obvious these are -- I hope my email makes him stay up at night, terrified, rocking back and forth, crying softly to himself in his mommy's basement.
Also, note the Google ads on the side of the last email. They nearly made me spew my drink all over my monitor.
Surely she isn't the only one who gets inundated with fools like this? What the hell?!