Wow. Yeah. I guess this has happened many times to me - perhaps starting with my quarrel with D all those decades ago - and each time my world is completely knocked on end, there is a period of depression, and then I resume my place in the world, but more suspicious, less trustworthy, more cynical. I feel I am less of the person I want to be, because of it. I want to remain innocent and trusting, damnit. I want the world to continue to live up to my expectations. I want to loyally continue to believe in people. But really? I don't any more. I enter into every interaction with people, no matter how trivial, or how serious, with lowered expectations. I think I have convinced myself that it is my fault, for having high expectations, that people fail sometimes. If I expect nothing, then I can be pleasantly surprised.
I think it makes me very cold, though, and remote. *shrug*
Comments 5
I guess this has happened many times to me - perhaps starting with my quarrel with D all those decades ago - and each time my world is completely knocked on end, there is a period of depression, and then I resume my place in the world, but more suspicious, less trustworthy, more cynical. I feel I am less of the person I want to be, because of it. I want to remain innocent and trusting, damnit. I want the world to continue to live up to my expectations. I want to loyally continue to believe in people. But really? I don't any more. I enter into every interaction with people, no matter how trivial, or how serious, with lowered expectations. I think I have convinced myself that it is my fault, for having high expectations, that people fail sometimes. If I expect nothing, then I can be pleasantly surprised.
I think it makes me very cold, though, and remote. *shrug*
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*hugs you tight*
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From someone who knows.
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