FANFIC: Choices, drabble (xxxHOLiC)

[nuevayuimaxwell]

Title: Choices
Genre: Gen
Pairing: Hints of Doumeki/Watanuki
Warnings: None
AN: Thanks to

Comments

[fmanalyst]

I like your story because I always like perspectives on canon scenes, and you do a good job with this one. I do have a comment about word choice though. In a couple places you refer to Watanuki as a "small boy." That's a phrase I've always associated with someone who's very young, under 10 at least and probably under 8 years old. "Smaller" would work better if your goal is just to say that he's smaller than Doumeki. Also, you talk about Watanuki "loosing his parents"; you actually need the word "losing" not "loosing".

[nuevayuimaxwell]

Ah thank you ^_^ I'm glad you liked it!

I stand by my word choice, though. For me, "small boy" simply means of short stature, it has nothing to do with age (most probably because my first language is French and that "small" has never been associated with age for me. Most probably XD). A child of 10 and under is a young boy to me. I just couldn't use "man" for Watanuki, because I don't feel he has reached that stage at that point in the series. Anyway, I'm rambling here XD

Thanks for picking it up. I'm correcting it right away!

[dragon_gypsy]

(ALWAYS MESSES UP ON LOSING VS LOOSING AND ONLY WAS JUST ABLE TO GET CHOSE AND CHOOSE CORRECT) (fails)

xD;;;;;

♥

[dragon_gypsy]

orz ;;; I found another mistake xD this is what I get for reading it when I'm tired.

would always willingly offering --> would always willingly offer

also, I had been thinking about this last night, but when you use "shouji" I don't think you have to use doors... since the word "shouji" is already implying 'a division between rooms'. Maybe the term "hirakishouji", as it means 'sliding screens', and I know that "Bengara Koushi" are 'sliding lattice doors' which are kind of like the same thing... but now I'm just kinda going on and on and procrastinating on translating this last paragraph ;;; (ummm all that useless shouji info came from , which is actually kinda informative, but yes :D;;;)

[ahria]

I really liked this in-depth view of them that you showed here. Good job.

[kataren]

Nice. :) And I've always loved this particular arc. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to watch it again. ^^