Big Bang 08 - Fic Soundtrack (contains story spoilers)
1. Guns N' Roses - My Michelle
Yesterday was Tuesday
Maybe Thursday you can sleep
It amazes Sam how quickly Dean's body is ceasing to be him. It's cold and dead, and he can feel his brother slipping away from him more and more every second.
2. Placebo feat. David Bowie - Without You I'm Nothing
I seem to lose the power of speech
You're slipping slowly from my reach
You grow me like an evergreen
You never see the lonely me at all
But Sam's the only one left now and he can cry as loud and as messy as he wants to, so he does. He parks on the side of the road and sobs so hard he can't breathe, sobs for ten minutes or so and then just... stops. When he swallows, he can taste it - the tears, the pain -- and he wonders when he looks at his brother's blood-soaked, lifeless corpse beside him, if this is going to be the last time he'll cry over it. If this'll be the last time he'll cry over anything ever again.
3. Muse - Hate This (And I'll Love You)
You're making me feel
Like I was born to service you
But I am growing by the hour
The branding doesn't hurt. Not one bit. It should, should hurt like a fucking bitch and he doesn't know what to make of the fact that it doesn't.
4. Guns N' Roses - It's So Easy
So easy
But nothin' seems to please me
It all fits so right
When I fade into the night
She asks him about his scars, and he slams into her. Fucks her harder. That way she won't have the breath to ask him any more questions he doesn't want to answer.
5. The Smiths - Asleep
Sing to me
Sing to me
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore
Sam wants to yell at him, hit him, tell him that he doesn't care who needs him, but he's blinking awake to the sound of some annoyingly perky breakfast DJ and he's hard as hell.
Alone.
6. Juliette Lewis - Rid of Me
Tie yourself to me
No one else knows
You're not rid of me
"I'm sorry," Sam repeats, trying to keep his voice from wavering. "I just wanted to feel something other than death. Emptiness. Whatever. I didn't think you'd care." He knows it's a lie as soon as it's out of his mouth and he isn't surprised when Dean's eyes flare with anger and something else that’s just as intense. It makes Sam's stomach pitch and roll, liquid heat spreading. Makes him want to drop to his knees right there and make it up to him, Dean’s head tipped back, fingers clawing through his hair.
7. Depeche Mode - Dream On
Hey you pale and sickly child
You're death and living reconciled
Been walking home a crooked mile
He pulls Dean's jacket out from under his pillow, breathes in the scent of sweat and leather and beer and DeanDeanDean. Tries not to think about how fucking pathetic or screwed-up it makes him, smelling his dead brother's clothes, getting ridiculously turned on just by the smell of him. Instead, Sam just closes his eyes and clutches the jacket tighter, following the ghost of his brother's memory into sleep.
8. Vast - Don't Take Your Love Away From Me
Put me inside flesh that is dying
A ghost that wanders without rest
Buried by desires and weakness
Sam wishes that the marks would stay; that he'd wake up with gouges and bruises all over his body to touch and connect him to something that no longer exists.
9. My Chemical Romance - This Is How I Disappear
And without you is how I disappear
And live my life alone
Forever now
Its touch is gentle, like a caress, a whisper-kiss and Sam holds that one thought in his head, and gives in, lets himself fall into nothing.
And everything.
10. Vast - Flames
You are the only thing
That makes me want to live at all
When I am with you
There's no reason to pretend
There are tear tracks on Dean's cheeks, and Sam wants to reach out and brush them away. Wants to touch him so badly his fingers ache, but he knows if he does Dean'll just shut him out and walk away and Sam'll be where he was before he gave himself to the djinn. Alone. Empty.
11. Headless Chickens - George
So I’ll sit in my room not daring to move
Never raising my voice and thinking of you
And I’ll try to imagine that we never met
Try to pretend and I’ll try to forget
"No, Sam. Sorry's not gonna cut it this time. You always wanted a normal life, didn't you? Told me I was gonna have to let you go your own way?" Dean's voice sounds strained, broken. "Well, now the demon's dead, and you get to have all that. You get what you want, and you get to give me what I want. It's over."
"Is this my brother talking to me?" Sam spits out. "Or the guy who enjoys fucking me way more than he wants to admit?"
12. Fluke - Absurd
Meanwhile
Snow White gets ready for work tonight
Turning tricks with crystal tips
He gets his hands on the edge of the bar, and hangs on tight as Dean starts to fuck him, deep and fast and wow, Sam thought the dreams felt real, but this? This is so much better. His hands are gripping the bar and his fingers are stiff and sore, but he doesn't care because this is fervent and hot and Sam wants to feel like this forever.
13. Chris Cornell - Thank You
If the sun refused to shine
I would still be loving you
If mountains crumbled to the sea
There would still be you and me
Sam's so fucking blissfully happy at the thought of them going away together he can't even open his mouth. He just nods, dazedly. Today is going to be a very, very good day.
14. Live - I Alone
And the greatest of teachers wont hesitate
To leave you there, by yourself
Chained to fate
He wakes up in the motel room, and his first thought is to reach over and shake Dean awake, tell him about the craziest dream he just had and no it wasn't clowns or midgets, but it was horrible and he never wants to have it again.
But Dean's still dead, and more's the pity, Sam isn't.
15. Three Days Grace - Get Out Alive
If I stay it won't be long
Till I'm burning on the inside
If I go I can only hope
That I make it to the other side
"I never asked you to fucking save me."
Download entire soundtrack, here or here.
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