Somewhat of a Diagnosis (Wherein I discuss why I often look like my icon)

Jan 02, 2015 02:28


Warning: Discussion of personal issues and female body problems--run away if such things gross you out or feel too personal to you.

On Tuesday, I went to see an OB-GYN to see if I could get a diagonisis on why I'm in so much pain. Its not something I've posted about here because I get tired of posting nothing but problems and I feel too overwhelmed to even do this much a lot of days. I've been experiencing horrible pain since I had my Mirena removed last spring (couldn't get it replaced because I couldn't afford it). I've always had really nightmarish menstrual cycles even as a teen, but for the last 11 years I didn't have to worry about it because, with the Mirena, my periods stopped altogether. When I got them back, it came back with a horrible vengence. By August, it was making me so ill--uncontrolled pain in my back/bladder/abdomen, dizziness, nausea, sick sweats, and profuse blood loss (I have to double up on protection just too keep from embarrassing myself).

The last few months have been a little better in terms of dizziness and bleeding, probably because I've had some holiday vacation time (being on my feet makes it worse), but the pain is always a problem--most intense before and during my cycle, but it can happen at anytime during the month. I had been taking 3-4 ibuprofen and 3 acetaminophen, but its like eating candy, no noticeable effect. Using a heating pad helps some, so I keep one at home and at work now. My regular doctor prescribed prescription strength naproxen sodium after being abhorred by the amount of over the counter pain meds I was taking on my own, but it doesn't help much either. So, finally, they referred me on to the OB-GYN.

He says he found a fibroid about the size of a ping pong ball, but they're pretty common in women and he doesn't really think its my biggest issue. Its possible it could be the reason I feel pressure on my bladder, but he doesn't think that's what's causing the severe pain. He feels I likely have endometriosis (which runs in the family)--but he says there's no way to know for sure without surgery and he doesn't want to jump to such a drastic solution. So, he's putting me on birth control pills. Supposedly, these particular ones will help lessen the severity of my menstrual cycle and also help lessen the symptoms of the endrometriosis. The catch? It'll take 4-6 months before I will know if its going to work or not.

This is one of the reasons I've not been writing much or interacting on the internet very often--I feel completely exhausted and crappy a lot of the time and several days a month I'm in a lot of pain (which is also exhausting and draining on all my reserves). It's close to comparable to having a kidney stone at some points, leaving me desperate for pain relief that my meds just can't seem to achieve or even come close to achieving. But, hopefully by summer things will turn around. And, at least it doesn't look like its something serious like cancer or anything like that.

Meanwhile, its increased my struggle with feeling depressed, overwhelmed and stressed--even over the tiniest of things like answering a comment or replying to a review or sending out Christmas cards. Work is something I've grown to hatehatehate since the onset of this. Some days, it feels like it is all I can do just to be around people, much less meet any demands or anything else. That sounds so bad, but I'm so not up to it. On those days, all I want is to be at home and left alone. But, you know, I have to go. There's no choice in the matter. It feels like climbing an impossibly grueling mountain that doesn't seem to have an end. Just constant struggling up over the rocks and cliffs day after day in harsh sun with only the smallest of respites when I get home at night or on the weekends.

Anyway, that's what's been going on. I was hoping for a faster solution, but I guess I'm just glad someone is taking my pain seriously and assures me what I'm going through is no trivial thing. I'm sorry for being such a slacker, but I'm unmotivated and apathetic these days. I kinda just stick my head in the sand and try to get by as easily as possible. So, if I have a wish and a prayer for this new year, its that my health will improve and I'll know what it is to feel good again. I hate being this way.

Thanks again to all of you who continue to send me wonderful comments that I take and hold close to my heart. You are the most supportive interaction I tend to have on these personal issues these days (outside my hubs) and I'm ever grateful for those of you who keep commenting even though you rarely get a response.

I wish I could send you all a million dollars, a bucket of the best chocolate, a year of roses and huge, warm hugs. You may not feel it, but I do need you and I'm so appreciative of your kindnesses toward me. Especially my regular cheering squad who are always there with a smile, a hug or some needed word. You gals are so sweet and patient and loving toward me always--even when I know you're busy and have your own troubles. Thank you so, so much. I wish I could pull myself up by my boot straps long enough to return the favor.

Also, may you all have a fabulous 2015. Its my urgent prayer that we are all blessed this coming year with some great things, happy news and further friendship. Love you all!

update, real life

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