→ [Fic] Black Ice 12.0
Note: This chapter's ideas and construction were a collaboration between Nivi and me.
Black Ice
-12-
Phoenix wasted no time in taking her by the shoulders. Hands clamped down as he clutched her. An alarm sounded in the back of her mind, but she did nothing to stop it. His blue eyes burned into hers with determination. She had always admired that, took some kind of enjoyment in it, even more if he wasn’t liking the situation.
“Ashelin… Stop dodging my questions, or must I…” He trailed off thoughtfully, a faint crack in his composure.
A brief flash. Nothing he could see she guessed, but it sparked something in her mind.
“…or must I give you permission to hit me?”
Because they needed permission aboard that damnable ship. Otherwise they were tossed into the brig, no questions asked-after a warning had already been issued. A flood of memories came in until she deliberately pushed them aside in favor of Phoenix.
Her gaze rested on his again and while she stiffened, she made no effort to draw away just yet, “I only came to see if you remembered.”
And you don’t, of course, so now I don’t really know what to do.
Like hell she’d admit that to him, “You don’t, though. That’s the only reason I came here. That’s the only reason I was looking for you.”
He didn’t look very happy with that response either. She considered that it was probably because she wasn’t telling him what he was supposed to remember. Again, that wasn’t a conversation she really wanted to have with him.
Phoenix didn’t give her the option of pulling away or saying another word. Instead, before her senses had the good nature to warn her, he tugged her to him with that unyielding grip and planted his lips upon hers.
If it had been anyone else, she would have reached for her gun. It was Phoenix, though. It wasn’t the one she knew personally, but there was the familiarity. Her heart still pounded in her chest, partially because of the action, and partially because it awakened the channel of adrenaline she’d been very careful about concealing. There was no way for her to hide her hesitance as she reached for his back with aching fingertips.
He didn’t retract the way she’d thought he would. The motion was held for a few moments longer. Even when the kiss broke, he stayed in her personal space, eyed her closely, skeptically. “Will you at least tell me what we are, Ashelin?”
So words didn’t work, but a kiss did? She wanted to scowl. Like any other man he was driven by what hung between his legs. She was quiet, trying to think of how to explain it. What had she and Phoenix been? Lovers? Partners, maybe, but not on the same level she and Torn were. He’d started out as a plaything and nothing more. Then he turned into someone important. Somehow, admitting he was important to her was less than thrilling.
On second thought, there was a loophole she could use if she wanted to piss him off. They weren’t anything in the present, just two very confused individuals. They were something in her past, and his future. Therefore she couldn’t really answer that, could she?
“I can’t say I know. I can’t say I knew.” Except that she could and just wouldn’t. “I guess we were just two very different types that didn’t want to give it up.
And just like that, she was uncomfortable. She didn’t want to dive any deeper than that. There wasn’t anything quite like rubbing salt in the wound.
Phoenix seemed disappointed when she withdrew. Then he gave the predicament a clear analysis and chuckled bitterly, as though he’d missed out on something tremendous. He sat at the foot of his bed, hunched forward, still eying her.
“So that’s it?” he asked. “You’ll go your way, I’ll go mine, and it’ll be like we were never on board the…”
She almost leaned into his words. All he had to do was say it. Elly-whatever never came though, and once again, she felt angered by the situation.
“No. If there is something there, I must know what it is. I must regain these lost memories.”
Ashelin tipped her head at him and shook it slowly, “You’re probably only remembering vague things or think you are because I’m here.” Then she gestured at him, “You haven’t considered that you might not want those memories.”
After all, he’d remember Jak. Those two weren’t exactly friends and it looked like he had yet to meet the guy in his time frame. There was Torn, of course. Phoenix’s rival for Ashelin’s attention. The odds had been stacked against him, thanks to Razer and his observations of Ashelin’s future. And there was her, the woman who tugged him all over the place and never specifically offered information without getting something in return. There was no way he’d want to remember those things if he was given the choice-and she couldn’t blame him.
“You can disregard it all,” she reassured him.
It must have set something in him off because for a brief moment he was on his feet again and invading her space before choosing a small strip of available floor to pace back and forth on.
“No,” he responded more firmly than before. “I will not be ignorant. Ignorance is what that man-”
That man?
“-would have wanted.” Then he hardened his stare on her, “You’ll go back to Haven just like that? I thought you didn’t surrender.”
She inwardly groaned. She was apparently so transparent that he knew of her delicious pride. “It’s not that easy. No one else in Haven remembers either, which is a curse and a blessing. I doubt anyone in Kras remembers. I came here expecting you not to remember, too. I’m not that disappointed.”
Except she was.
“I may have some influence and power over things, but this situation? No. I’m fairly stuck. I can’t force you to remember. You’re not the same as him. You were older when we met. It’s stupid to expect you to remember something that hasn’t happened for you yet.”
Yeah. You’re pretty screwed, Ashelin.
He may have considered touching upon something else she had said, but he didn’t. Instead he began to pace again and then paused, giving her a direct look, “I don’t understand what you mean when you say I was older when we met. Please, clarify.”
Did she sound as annoyed as he did when the others aboard the Elly-whatever tried to talk to her about the future happenings and expected her to believe them? No. Phoenix sounded much more elegant with his anger. Ashelin would be the first to admit that she wasn’t graceful or anything like it. Just another flaw she supposed.
“When Phoenix and I met for the first time, he introduced himself as Captain of the Phantom Blade. In time, he told me he was of Aeropa’s nobility, asked me if I knew anyone else, and even taught me to waltz.” Ashelin shook her head in disbelief, “Even though things are different for you, it’s all the same for me. I still-”
Feel the same.
“-and all of that.”
Perhaps he was warming up to the idea or he’d just defined her as so crazy that now he was just humoring her. Something lit up in his eyes when spoke of waltzing though, and his response seemed immediate.
“Prove it,” he stated firmly as he offered his hand to her palm up.
He was kidding, right? Ashelin was still stuck on the idea that those of the Krimzon Guard did not dance. That hadn’t changed in the time she’d been on the massive ship. She really didn’t want to. Really. Hesitantly she accepted his hand and drew near. The other hand lifted and rested against his shoulder. Briefly her head inclined and she eyed her feet.
How did it all go again? His left came forward, her right went back? Was it the other way around? For the most part she was under the impression that they were supposed to mirror each other. Oh, and the counting. One-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three, and so on just like that. So what did he call it? A box step? Like she could even remember. Shit. If her body was as confused as her mind was, then she assumed she was fucking up something royally. She inwardly scorned herself for each inaccurate foot position and each time she missed the silent beat he set for them.
He didn’t say a word in reply. She assumed that meant it was acceptable, even if it wasn’t very well executed. They came to a gradual stop, he took her face into his hands, and after staring for a time, covered her mouth with his. It was different this time. There was no malice behind the action, no intent to anger her or rile her up. It was perfectly soft. It was perfectly Phoenix.
He’d kissed her when they danced for the first time. Ashelin had gone into a near panic mode, because no one had dared to really kiss her before. Most of the kisses in Haven were short-lived and more of a means to satisfy a very fleeting lust. When Phoenix had kissed her, it was entirely different. Sure, there was lust involved, but there was a lot of feeling. At the time, she’d assumed it was just the rum they had split between them. As their relationship progressed, she wondered if it was just the way he was. When he kissed a woman, did he always make it feel like she was the most important thing in the moment?
The same flame that had consumed her back then returned, lighting the blood that once boiled at the very mention of his name. Fingertips slid to the back of his neck and she pulled him down to her, deepening the gesture. He was pliable, allowed her to draw him in, and he slipped an arm around her to hold her close to him.
It was only when he drew away that she understood exactly how she affected him. His breath fanned her lips, caused her to tingle, and his voice grew considerably softer, certain words came out differently with that charming accent of his.
“I think, Ashelin,” he began a tad passionately. “I think I am willing to believe you. I remember this. What, then, could twist time and reality so that the future should become the present? How is it possible that I would remember something that has not happened before?”
As one of his hands toyed with the small of her back, she sucked in a deep breath and pressed her forehead to his. Her words were nearly incoherent, “I… don’t know. I don’t get it myself. You shouldn’t remember it.” She gave a sigh, unsure exactly of how to continue. “We were close, Phoenix. I always thought you were a pretty okay guy, even through all of the time that I hated you.”
To be fair, Ashelin always hated him, mostly because she couldn’t understand him. That wasn’t fitting into the current puzzle, though. He knew they were close now, had an inkling of what really happened between them. That was good enough, right?
“Captain Phoenix of the Phantom Blade,” he tried the name on for size. “That man does not exist yet, Ashelin, and may not ever become the man you knew if indeed history has changed.” He drew his fingertips over her accented hips methodically, relishing in the smooth curve of her form, “Would you be willing to walk a different path with the First Mate Phoenix instead?”
The question made her pause. It was very abrupt in her opinion, even if he didn’t notice it. To walk a different path with him? With him? That implied he wanted her to stay in the Brink with him, didn’t it? She couldn’t do that, though. Did a part of her want to? Maybe. That was probably the most frightening part of that.
“I can’t stay here,” she replied instantly, just in case he had the silly idea she could. “Haven is in the middle of a war. The Baron will do something terrible to the city if I don’t stop him. I don’t know how long that’ll take.”
When she thought about it like that, it made it seem like they really were only meeting just once, as if it was just a means of closure.
“I am aware of that,” he reassured her. “I cannot abandon my duties here either. But even pirates take leave from time to time. I could… simply come to visit.” His words were hesitant, but sincere all of the same as he continuously stroked her. They sounded more like the words the older him would have said to her. “It may only be on occasion, but we could rediscover what it was we once had. Perhaps I could even be of assistance to you.”
Don’t talk to me like this. Don’t speak of me like I mean something to you, not when we’ve established you’ve got no idea who the hell I am.
“What makes you possibly think I can be a committed woman?”
It was so stupid to think anything like that. She interpreted it as he wanted a relationship with her, and she felt like she couldn’t give it, not with the idea that it was Haven. She didn’t have the capacity to be dedicated to one person. She’d give into that lust beneath the surface. She’d so easily pull someone into the shadows for a brief moment of passion, the kind of passion that wasn’t passion at all. It’d be a fleeting moment, but it’d still exist.
“Look, this is probably the world’s way of saying that this can’t happen. You and me, what we were then…”
We can’t be now.
She was willing to lift her hands, to surrender to this hand that life had dealt her. Ashelin didn’t really have a choice, did she? Well, no. She did. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that Razer probably had a point. If she didn’t go along with whatever the future was supposed to go, she could throw things off too easily. Phoenix couldn’t be a part of her present, or her future.
Not to mention that Torn wouldn’t like it one bit. Well, wouldn’t one day when he realized he had an eternal hard on for her.
She found herself restricted to the same words she’d used every time she was trying to back out of the situation with Phoenix, “I’m not your type. I will never be your type. That’s…”
That’s all there is to it. I’m willing to accept it, Phoenix. Are you?
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Black Ice
-12-
Phoenix wasted no time in taking her by the shoulders. Hands clamped down as he clutched her. An alarm sounded in the back of her mind, but she did nothing to stop it. His blue eyes burned into hers with determination. She had always admired that, took some kind of enjoyment in it, even more if he wasn’t liking the situation.
“Ashelin… Stop dodging my questions, or must I…” He trailed off thoughtfully, a faint crack in his composure.
A brief flash. Nothing he could see she guessed, but it sparked something in her mind.
“…or must I give you permission to hit me?”
Because they needed permission aboard that damnable ship. Otherwise they were tossed into the brig, no questions asked-after a warning had already been issued. A flood of memories came in until she deliberately pushed them aside in favor of Phoenix.
Her gaze rested on his again and while she stiffened, she made no effort to draw away just yet, “I only came to see if you remembered.”
And you don’t, of course, so now I don’t really know what to do.
Like hell she’d admit that to him, “You don’t, though. That’s the only reason I came here. That’s the only reason I was looking for you.”
He didn’t look very happy with that response either. She considered that it was probably because she wasn’t telling him what he was supposed to remember. Again, that wasn’t a conversation she really wanted to have with him.
Phoenix didn’t give her the option of pulling away or saying another word. Instead, before her senses had the good nature to warn her, he tugged her to him with that unyielding grip and planted his lips upon hers.
If it had been anyone else, she would have reached for her gun. It was Phoenix, though. It wasn’t the one she knew personally, but there was the familiarity. Her heart still pounded in her chest, partially because of the action, and partially because it awakened the channel of adrenaline she’d been very careful about concealing. There was no way for her to hide her hesitance as she reached for his back with aching fingertips.
He didn’t retract the way she’d thought he would. The motion was held for a few moments longer. Even when the kiss broke, he stayed in her personal space, eyed her closely, skeptically. “Will you at least tell me what we are, Ashelin?”
So words didn’t work, but a kiss did? She wanted to scowl. Like any other man he was driven by what hung between his legs. She was quiet, trying to think of how to explain it. What had she and Phoenix been? Lovers? Partners, maybe, but not on the same level she and Torn were. He’d started out as a plaything and nothing more. Then he turned into someone important. Somehow, admitting he was important to her was less than thrilling.
On second thought, there was a loophole she could use if she wanted to piss him off. They weren’t anything in the present, just two very confused individuals. They were something in her past, and his future. Therefore she couldn’t really answer that, could she?
“I can’t say I know. I can’t say I knew.” Except that she could and just wouldn’t. “I guess we were just two very different types that didn’t want to give it up.
And just like that, she was uncomfortable. She didn’t want to dive any deeper than that. There wasn’t anything quite like rubbing salt in the wound.
Phoenix seemed disappointed when she withdrew. Then he gave the predicament a clear analysis and chuckled bitterly, as though he’d missed out on something tremendous. He sat at the foot of his bed, hunched forward, still eying her.
“So that’s it?” he asked. “You’ll go your way, I’ll go mine, and it’ll be like we were never on board the…”
She almost leaned into his words. All he had to do was say it. Elly-whatever never came though, and once again, she felt angered by the situation.
“No. If there is something there, I must know what it is. I must regain these lost memories.”
Ashelin tipped her head at him and shook it slowly, “You’re probably only remembering vague things or think you are because I’m here.” Then she gestured at him, “You haven’t considered that you might not want those memories.”
After all, he’d remember Jak. Those two weren’t exactly friends and it looked like he had yet to meet the guy in his time frame. There was Torn, of course. Phoenix’s rival for Ashelin’s attention. The odds had been stacked against him, thanks to Razer and his observations of Ashelin’s future. And there was her, the woman who tugged him all over the place and never specifically offered information without getting something in return. There was no way he’d want to remember those things if he was given the choice-and she couldn’t blame him.
“You can disregard it all,” she reassured him.
It must have set something in him off because for a brief moment he was on his feet again and invading her space before choosing a small strip of available floor to pace back and forth on.
“No,” he responded more firmly than before. “I will not be ignorant. Ignorance is what that man-”
That man?
“-would have wanted.” Then he hardened his stare on her, “You’ll go back to Haven just like that? I thought you didn’t surrender.”
She inwardly groaned. She was apparently so transparent that he knew of her delicious pride. “It’s not that easy. No one else in Haven remembers either, which is a curse and a blessing. I doubt anyone in Kras remembers. I came here expecting you not to remember, too. I’m not that disappointed.”
Except she was.
“I may have some influence and power over things, but this situation? No. I’m fairly stuck. I can’t force you to remember. You’re not the same as him. You were older when we met. It’s stupid to expect you to remember something that hasn’t happened for you yet.”
Yeah. You’re pretty screwed, Ashelin.
He may have considered touching upon something else she had said, but he didn’t. Instead he began to pace again and then paused, giving her a direct look, “I don’t understand what you mean when you say I was older when we met. Please, clarify.”
Did she sound as annoyed as he did when the others aboard the Elly-whatever tried to talk to her about the future happenings and expected her to believe them? No. Phoenix sounded much more elegant with his anger. Ashelin would be the first to admit that she wasn’t graceful or anything like it. Just another flaw she supposed.
“When Phoenix and I met for the first time, he introduced himself as Captain of the Phantom Blade. In time, he told me he was of Aeropa’s nobility, asked me if I knew anyone else, and even taught me to waltz.” Ashelin shook her head in disbelief, “Even though things are different for you, it’s all the same for me. I still-”
Feel the same.
“-and all of that.”
Perhaps he was warming up to the idea or he’d just defined her as so crazy that now he was just humoring her. Something lit up in his eyes when spoke of waltzing though, and his response seemed immediate.
“Prove it,” he stated firmly as he offered his hand to her palm up.
He was kidding, right? Ashelin was still stuck on the idea that those of the Krimzon Guard did not dance. That hadn’t changed in the time she’d been on the massive ship. She really didn’t want to. Really. Hesitantly she accepted his hand and drew near. The other hand lifted and rested against his shoulder. Briefly her head inclined and she eyed her feet.
How did it all go again? His left came forward, her right went back? Was it the other way around? For the most part she was under the impression that they were supposed to mirror each other. Oh, and the counting. One-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three, and so on just like that. So what did he call it? A box step? Like she could even remember. Shit. If her body was as confused as her mind was, then she assumed she was fucking up something royally. She inwardly scorned herself for each inaccurate foot position and each time she missed the silent beat he set for them.
He didn’t say a word in reply. She assumed that meant it was acceptable, even if it wasn’t very well executed. They came to a gradual stop, he took her face into his hands, and after staring for a time, covered her mouth with his. It was different this time. There was no malice behind the action, no intent to anger her or rile her up. It was perfectly soft. It was perfectly Phoenix.
He’d kissed her when they danced for the first time. Ashelin had gone into a near panic mode, because no one had dared to really kiss her before. Most of the kisses in Haven were short-lived and more of a means to satisfy a very fleeting lust. When Phoenix had kissed her, it was entirely different. Sure, there was lust involved, but there was a lot of feeling. At the time, she’d assumed it was just the rum they had split between them. As their relationship progressed, she wondered if it was just the way he was. When he kissed a woman, did he always make it feel like she was the most important thing in the moment?
The same flame that had consumed her back then returned, lighting the blood that once boiled at the very mention of his name. Fingertips slid to the back of his neck and she pulled him down to her, deepening the gesture. He was pliable, allowed her to draw him in, and he slipped an arm around her to hold her close to him.
It was only when he drew away that she understood exactly how she affected him. His breath fanned her lips, caused her to tingle, and his voice grew considerably softer, certain words came out differently with that charming accent of his.
“I think, Ashelin,” he began a tad passionately. “I think I am willing to believe you. I remember this. What, then, could twist time and reality so that the future should become the present? How is it possible that I would remember something that has not happened before?”
As one of his hands toyed with the small of her back, she sucked in a deep breath and pressed her forehead to his. Her words were nearly incoherent, “I… don’t know. I don’t get it myself. You shouldn’t remember it.” She gave a sigh, unsure exactly of how to continue. “We were close, Phoenix. I always thought you were a pretty okay guy, even through all of the time that I hated you.”
To be fair, Ashelin always hated him, mostly because she couldn’t understand him. That wasn’t fitting into the current puzzle, though. He knew they were close now, had an inkling of what really happened between them. That was good enough, right?
“Captain Phoenix of the Phantom Blade,” he tried the name on for size. “That man does not exist yet, Ashelin, and may not ever become the man you knew if indeed history has changed.” He drew his fingertips over her accented hips methodically, relishing in the smooth curve of her form, “Would you be willing to walk a different path with the First Mate Phoenix instead?”
The question made her pause. It was very abrupt in her opinion, even if he didn’t notice it. To walk a different path with him? With him? That implied he wanted her to stay in the Brink with him, didn’t it? She couldn’t do that, though. Did a part of her want to? Maybe. That was probably the most frightening part of that.
“I can’t stay here,” she replied instantly, just in case he had the silly idea she could. “Haven is in the middle of a war. The Baron will do something terrible to the city if I don’t stop him. I don’t know how long that’ll take.”
When she thought about it like that, it made it seem like they really were only meeting just once, as if it was just a means of closure.
“I am aware of that,” he reassured her. “I cannot abandon my duties here either. But even pirates take leave from time to time. I could… simply come to visit.” His words were hesitant, but sincere all of the same as he continuously stroked her. They sounded more like the words the older him would have said to her. “It may only be on occasion, but we could rediscover what it was we once had. Perhaps I could even be of assistance to you.”
Don’t talk to me like this. Don’t speak of me like I mean something to you, not when we’ve established you’ve got no idea who the hell I am.
“What makes you possibly think I can be a committed woman?”
It was so stupid to think anything like that. She interpreted it as he wanted a relationship with her, and she felt like she couldn’t give it, not with the idea that it was Haven. She didn’t have the capacity to be dedicated to one person. She’d give into that lust beneath the surface. She’d so easily pull someone into the shadows for a brief moment of passion, the kind of passion that wasn’t passion at all. It’d be a fleeting moment, but it’d still exist.
“Look, this is probably the world’s way of saying that this can’t happen. You and me, what we were then…”
We can’t be now.
She was willing to lift her hands, to surrender to this hand that life had dealt her. Ashelin didn’t really have a choice, did she? Well, no. She did. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that Razer probably had a point. If she didn’t go along with whatever the future was supposed to go, she could throw things off too easily. Phoenix couldn’t be a part of her present, or her future.
Not to mention that Torn wouldn’t like it one bit. Well, wouldn’t one day when he realized he had an eternal hard on for her.
She found herself restricted to the same words she’d used every time she was trying to back out of the situation with Phoenix, “I’m not your type. I will never be your type. That’s…”
That’s all there is to it. I’m willing to accept it, Phoenix. Are you?
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