just_1_word | 27.9. Marriage
27.9. Marriage
Co-written with asinthecity
[Follows THIS]
It was over. It was all said and done. After being torn what felt like eight new arseholes by Riley, Luke managed to absorb what Tab's brother was saying behind his words and realised what a totaldickwad he was being. He still couldn't explain the panic attack and before he returned to the guest house, he phoned his sister who was a doctor to come check him over because he still felt shaky and sick. Nerves, panic, stress... he was going to need one fuck of a honeymoon after this, she told him. She helped get him cleaned up, somehow found him a new shirt considering the other one was ruined from sweat, and he made it to the wedding ceremony no more than ten minutes late. Luckily, the brides were fifteen minutes late, so he didn't fuck that tradition up either.
The whole thing now felt like a dream in his head. It went without a hitch. Riley still looked like he wanted to exasperatingly strangle him but kept his cool in front of all the guests.Lachlan kept whispering things to Riley from his side, and Luke highly suspected the Scot was reminding Riley what the maximum penalty for murder and grievous bodily harm were. It was later at the wedding reception thatLachlan pulled Luke aside and told him he had cold feet on his wedding day, too, and the whole panic attack thing was understandable. Luke still felt like a tosser.
But Tab looked amazing, and even though she hadn't gone for a traditional wedding dress (Luke never expected she would), she still looked every bit the bride she was meant to be. His bride. And he found that in the aftermath, there in the flesh facing the ceremony, he was really okay with that. They tied the knot and it was wonderful. Maybe it was just inevitable that things in their Princeton and New York bunch would never come off without a hurdle or two... yet once they jumped them, things seemed perfect. Riley and Evie's turn was just as amazing, though probably more on account of the fact everyone in the room knew the ceremony was far from their last hurdle to be faced. The reception was now well on the way and Luke excused himself from Ali and Andrew to slip outside. He sucked in a deep breath of fresh spring night air and looked up at the stars. Yeah, Riley was right. He could still be free with someone at his side.
With Tab at his side.
Tab was still wondering about Luke's panic attack, but she hadn't had a chance to talk to him about it. She wasn't sure she wanted to. As the ceremony started, she really had been questioning whether or not he was still there for them, or for Riley in case her brother murdered him. Her fears were eased the moment they locked gazes, and she could see in his eyes that he loved her and he really wanted to be there. It had helped put the smile on her face again, her brown eyes lighting up with their familiar sparkle.
When she saw him slip outside, she excused herself from Aiden with a wink and followed her husband. The word still made her want to giggle, but it felt right. Despite everything, Tab knew that Luke was it for her. She'd be lost without him by her side. He was the first guy that still let her be herself while giving her the support she needed, and he was the first guy that let her really take care of him in turn. Even if she sucked at it occasionally.
Her hand slipped into his as she stood beside him, her dress swapped for a short skirt, boots, and halter-neck top. "I'm sorry I never stopped to think this might be putting pressure on you,smexy."
Luke nearly jumped when she took his head. Clearly his brain was broken and really did need a good honeymoon to recharge. His attention span seemed to have dwindled to that of an ant following all the stress. He gave her a small smile and then laughed softly. "You have nothing to apologise for. I'm the one who should be on his knees grovelling in apology. And I am sorry. I really don't know what happened," he admitted, realising it was a hazy blur in his mind now.
"Well, I won't turn down you being on your knees, but I don't want it to be in apology," Tab smirked as she looked up at him. Tab stretched up a little to brush her lips against Luke's jaw before she relaxed against him and stroked her other hand over his chest. "Neither do I, but hey... we did it. We're married, and the world didn't end."
Luke shook his head in amusement. "Seriously, it felt like it was going to earlier. I felt like I was dying, then there was nearly being killed by your brother. Remind me to never, ever piss Riley off again for the rest of my life. Ever," he said with a nod for emphasis.
"This is the part where I go along with the obey part of the vows, right?" Tab teased lightly. "I wouldn't let Riley kill you, I promise. If things had gone differently, I might have killed you myself... They didn't though, and you're alive, and we should be celebrating. I don't really care about what happened before. It's done, okay? Let's just get started on our wedding night and being happy. I still just want to say that I'm glad your world didn't end, and I really do love you, Lucas Alexander Jackson."
"Start? I thought we already were celebrating. I just don't want to dance next to Aiden and Pat. They're gay and make me look like a dancing elephant. Why do the gay guys get all the talent?" Luke joked, taking in another long breath of fresh air. That choking, panicked feeling was still fresh in his mind. The air was a luxury he was welcoming again. "I love you too," he told her and gave her a kiss. "Youshould've stayed in the dress."
"I can go and put it back on," Tab said as she looked down at what she was wearing. "Just found it a little hard to walk in. And you're not a dancing elephant. I think you're good. Gay guys get all the talent because straight guys are clearly too obsessed with boobs to care. Gay guys just multitask better." She started to laugh as she hugged her arms around him. "Do you want to dance out here?"
Luke exhaled slowly and looked down at her. "You don't think we should talk about what happened? I realise I might've made it now that you're never going to fully stop worrying if I'll run again and I'm sorry for that. I wish I could say I was caught up in my own selfish little universe, but it wasn't even that. I guess I just worried that everything was going to change," he admitted, hearing the music in the distance. Thank god there had been no Queen yet.
Tab dropped her head, and tried to swallow down a hard lump in her throat. "I don't want to cry," she admitted quietly. "I don't want this to be sad. It was hard enough having Riley tell me you'd run in the first place. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and then stomped on. I never thought... I got scared too, but I didn't want to run. I just knew that you were it... I only want you. I just--I couldn't lose you. I didn't know what I was going to do if you didn't come back. I hated the idea that I pushed you away."
"I really don't know what happened. You didn't push me, but I think it all did just happen so fast. I'm not used to doing things that quickly in my life. I usually take my time, work through a process and see the end product eventuate. With having the new bar to focus on, I guess I just used it as a way to hide. I didn't realise how much I was panicking before it was too late and, my god, I never want to have another panic attack in my life. One minute I swear, I was okay, and the next I wasn't." Luke wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry. You have to understand that all of this was just because I needed a bit more time to adjust to the changes. It doesn't mean I didn't want them."
"I know it was quick, but I... Luke, do you have any idea what you've given me?" Tab asked as she brought her head up to look at him. "Ever since that first day we met, do you even realise what kind of impact you've had on my life? I know it was quick... I do. And maybe it was selfish, too... but I wasn't going to let go of something that had been the best thing to happen to me in a long time."
Luke held her tight. It was exactly what he needed to hear right now. "I'm not going to say I didn't know. I guess I just didn't take time to stop and really look at us, you know? We just seemed to carry on each day and things were great, until all of a sudden, the wedding was two weeks away. It was like I blinked and missed some important parts of it all. My brain didn't seem to be able to latch onto the fact we went from that day on the sidewalk in New York to here, facing marriage, and the rest of our lives. I didn't want anything to change and I was deluded. Probably why I panicked so much. I realised there was no time to stop and catch up. Especially not with Riley nearly taking me out with my own shirt," he added, laughing. "He helped me realised I didn't need to catch up because I was already here."
Tab shifted in his hold to take his face in her hands and raised on tiptoes as she brought his forehead against hers to make this moment even more private. "Luke, you've already given me just about everything in those vows since the first day we met. I'd like to think I've maybe given you the same, but sometimes I wonder. I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell you how much I care about you, but I hope I can always show it. I'm sorry for what happened, and I'm sorry you nearly died from your own shirt... I just love being here right now, though. I love that I'll always be by your side."
Luke frowned a little, watching her face closely. "Why do you wonder that?" he asked.
Tab tried to hold his gaze, but her eyes shifted for a moment as she also shifted the weight of her body from one foot to the other. "Because... I've never been very good at looking after someone. I don't know if you think you can talk to me or not about anything, or know that I'll always be here to help. I'll always hold your hair back when you vomit, and take care of you with Man Flu. But I'd also be the one there to hold you when you're sad, or whatever. I just didn't know if you knew that, that's all. I know I must seem... I don't know. I'm not just Riley's sister. I need you just as much as I need him. And I want you to feel like you can need me as much as you need to need me. If that makes sense."
Luke nodded and considered her words for a few moments before he answered. "Let's just say I think I had some underlying issue somewhere that I subconsciously thought you didn't need me so much. Which is totally fucked up. I can see that now. I just think what you have with Riley is fantastic. I really do. I'm in awe of it, really. And he knows how to take care of you so well. He would die for you in a heartbeat. And I'm not jealous of that in any way because you deserve to have a brother like that, no matter what. But the twin wedding thing, I guess it left me feeling on some level that I wasn't your protector. But you know what? I can see now that I am, only just in a different way to Riley. I was so overwhelmed and all the wrong things were confusing me," he admitted. "And before now, I've never really needed anyone to take care of me. I just always faced things on my own and very little actually affected me. Life was just a cool adventure. Can you believe it when I say that it was only this afternoon that I realised for the first time that I really did need you. When I was freaking out, all I wanted was you but I convinced myself you would be too pissed off that I ran to come."
Tab gave him a lopsided smile as some tears slid down her cheeks and she wiped them away. "You fucking idiot," she laughed quietly. "I would've come. Nothing would've stopped me. I probably would have yelled at you for making me cry and forcing me to have my make-up undone since I hate having to sit still for that long, but I would have come. I'm always going to be here for you. I understand now how you must have felt, and I am really sorry I had to make you go through that." She pulled him in for a soft kiss and then pressed her lips to his forehead. "Guess we're both good at seeing the whole picture after the fact."
Luke wrapped his arms around her again with a choked up laugh and nodded. "We're the opposite to Riley. He obsesses over the whole picture before it even eventuates. He needs to rub off on us a little more. And it's not your fault, Tab. At all. Ishould've stopped and realised that something was off. I guess I just really wanted it to be as perfect as it was supposed to be. Talk about deluded. I'm not usually that thick," he said wryly. "I guess marriage is a bigger thing to me than I could ever anticipate."
Tab couldn't help but laugh again as she looked up at him. "Good thing your unbelievable hotness counteracts the thickness. I've been blinded by your sexiness this whole time I didn't even notice." She hugged him back, and nuzzled against him. "I think it's big when it's genuine, and when you're really investing yourself into a relationship. It wouldn't be this big if we didn't care."
Luke shook his head. "No, it wouldn't. It's big, and although it's as scary as all fuck, I wouldn't change it," he told her, squeezing her tightly like he never wanted to let go.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 2,539
Co-written with asinthecity
[Follows THIS]
It was over. It was all said and done. After being torn what felt like eight new arseholes by Riley, Luke managed to absorb what Tab's brother was saying behind his words and realised what a totaldickwad he was being. He still couldn't explain the panic attack and before he returned to the guest house, he phoned his sister who was a doctor to come check him over because he still felt shaky and sick. Nerves, panic, stress... he was going to need one fuck of a honeymoon after this, she told him. She helped get him cleaned up, somehow found him a new shirt considering the other one was ruined from sweat, and he made it to the wedding ceremony no more than ten minutes late. Luckily, the brides were fifteen minutes late, so he didn't fuck that tradition up either.
The whole thing now felt like a dream in his head. It went without a hitch. Riley still looked like he wanted to exasperatingly strangle him but kept his cool in front of all the guests.Lachlan kept whispering things to Riley from his side, and Luke highly suspected the Scot was reminding Riley what the maximum penalty for murder and grievous bodily harm were. It was later at the wedding reception thatLachlan pulled Luke aside and told him he had cold feet on his wedding day, too, and the whole panic attack thing was understandable. Luke still felt like a tosser.
But Tab looked amazing, and even though she hadn't gone for a traditional wedding dress (Luke never expected she would), she still looked every bit the bride she was meant to be. His bride. And he found that in the aftermath, there in the flesh facing the ceremony, he was really okay with that. They tied the knot and it was wonderful. Maybe it was just inevitable that things in their Princeton and New York bunch would never come off without a hurdle or two... yet once they jumped them, things seemed perfect. Riley and Evie's turn was just as amazing, though probably more on account of the fact everyone in the room knew the ceremony was far from their last hurdle to be faced. The reception was now well on the way and Luke excused himself from Ali and Andrew to slip outside. He sucked in a deep breath of fresh spring night air and looked up at the stars. Yeah, Riley was right. He could still be free with someone at his side.
With Tab at his side.
Tab was still wondering about Luke's panic attack, but she hadn't had a chance to talk to him about it. She wasn't sure she wanted to. As the ceremony started, she really had been questioning whether or not he was still there for them, or for Riley in case her brother murdered him. Her fears were eased the moment they locked gazes, and she could see in his eyes that he loved her and he really wanted to be there. It had helped put the smile on her face again, her brown eyes lighting up with their familiar sparkle.
When she saw him slip outside, she excused herself from Aiden with a wink and followed her husband. The word still made her want to giggle, but it felt right. Despite everything, Tab knew that Luke was it for her. She'd be lost without him by her side. He was the first guy that still let her be herself while giving her the support she needed, and he was the first guy that let her really take care of him in turn. Even if she sucked at it occasionally.
Her hand slipped into his as she stood beside him, her dress swapped for a short skirt, boots, and halter-neck top. "I'm sorry I never stopped to think this might be putting pressure on you,smexy."
Luke nearly jumped when she took his head. Clearly his brain was broken and really did need a good honeymoon to recharge. His attention span seemed to have dwindled to that of an ant following all the stress. He gave her a small smile and then laughed softly. "You have nothing to apologise for. I'm the one who should be on his knees grovelling in apology. And I am sorry. I really don't know what happened," he admitted, realising it was a hazy blur in his mind now.
"Well, I won't turn down you being on your knees, but I don't want it to be in apology," Tab smirked as she looked up at him. Tab stretched up a little to brush her lips against Luke's jaw before she relaxed against him and stroked her other hand over his chest. "Neither do I, but hey... we did it. We're married, and the world didn't end."
Luke shook his head in amusement. "Seriously, it felt like it was going to earlier. I felt like I was dying, then there was nearly being killed by your brother. Remind me to never, ever piss Riley off again for the rest of my life. Ever," he said with a nod for emphasis.
"This is the part where I go along with the obey part of the vows, right?" Tab teased lightly. "I wouldn't let Riley kill you, I promise. If things had gone differently, I might have killed you myself... They didn't though, and you're alive, and we should be celebrating. I don't really care about what happened before. It's done, okay? Let's just get started on our wedding night and being happy. I still just want to say that I'm glad your world didn't end, and I really do love you, Lucas Alexander Jackson."
"Start? I thought we already were celebrating. I just don't want to dance next to Aiden and Pat. They're gay and make me look like a dancing elephant. Why do the gay guys get all the talent?" Luke joked, taking in another long breath of fresh air. That choking, panicked feeling was still fresh in his mind. The air was a luxury he was welcoming again. "I love you too," he told her and gave her a kiss. "Youshould've stayed in the dress."
"I can go and put it back on," Tab said as she looked down at what she was wearing. "Just found it a little hard to walk in. And you're not a dancing elephant. I think you're good. Gay guys get all the talent because straight guys are clearly too obsessed with boobs to care. Gay guys just multitask better." She started to laugh as she hugged her arms around him. "Do you want to dance out here?"
Luke exhaled slowly and looked down at her. "You don't think we should talk about what happened? I realise I might've made it now that you're never going to fully stop worrying if I'll run again and I'm sorry for that. I wish I could say I was caught up in my own selfish little universe, but it wasn't even that. I guess I just worried that everything was going to change," he admitted, hearing the music in the distance. Thank god there had been no Queen yet.
Tab dropped her head, and tried to swallow down a hard lump in her throat. "I don't want to cry," she admitted quietly. "I don't want this to be sad. It was hard enough having Riley tell me you'd run in the first place. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and then stomped on. I never thought... I got scared too, but I didn't want to run. I just knew that you were it... I only want you. I just--I couldn't lose you. I didn't know what I was going to do if you didn't come back. I hated the idea that I pushed you away."
"I really don't know what happened. You didn't push me, but I think it all did just happen so fast. I'm not used to doing things that quickly in my life. I usually take my time, work through a process and see the end product eventuate. With having the new bar to focus on, I guess I just used it as a way to hide. I didn't realise how much I was panicking before it was too late and, my god, I never want to have another panic attack in my life. One minute I swear, I was okay, and the next I wasn't." Luke wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry. You have to understand that all of this was just because I needed a bit more time to adjust to the changes. It doesn't mean I didn't want them."
"I know it was quick, but I... Luke, do you have any idea what you've given me?" Tab asked as she brought her head up to look at him. "Ever since that first day we met, do you even realise what kind of impact you've had on my life? I know it was quick... I do. And maybe it was selfish, too... but I wasn't going to let go of something that had been the best thing to happen to me in a long time."
Luke held her tight. It was exactly what he needed to hear right now. "I'm not going to say I didn't know. I guess I just didn't take time to stop and really look at us, you know? We just seemed to carry on each day and things were great, until all of a sudden, the wedding was two weeks away. It was like I blinked and missed some important parts of it all. My brain didn't seem to be able to latch onto the fact we went from that day on the sidewalk in New York to here, facing marriage, and the rest of our lives. I didn't want anything to change and I was deluded. Probably why I panicked so much. I realised there was no time to stop and catch up. Especially not with Riley nearly taking me out with my own shirt," he added, laughing. "He helped me realised I didn't need to catch up because I was already here."
Tab shifted in his hold to take his face in her hands and raised on tiptoes as she brought his forehead against hers to make this moment even more private. "Luke, you've already given me just about everything in those vows since the first day we met. I'd like to think I've maybe given you the same, but sometimes I wonder. I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell you how much I care about you, but I hope I can always show it. I'm sorry for what happened, and I'm sorry you nearly died from your own shirt... I just love being here right now, though. I love that I'll always be by your side."
Luke frowned a little, watching her face closely. "Why do you wonder that?" he asked.
Tab tried to hold his gaze, but her eyes shifted for a moment as she also shifted the weight of her body from one foot to the other. "Because... I've never been very good at looking after someone. I don't know if you think you can talk to me or not about anything, or know that I'll always be here to help. I'll always hold your hair back when you vomit, and take care of you with Man Flu. But I'd also be the one there to hold you when you're sad, or whatever. I just didn't know if you knew that, that's all. I know I must seem... I don't know. I'm not just Riley's sister. I need you just as much as I need him. And I want you to feel like you can need me as much as you need to need me. If that makes sense."
Luke nodded and considered her words for a few moments before he answered. "Let's just say I think I had some underlying issue somewhere that I subconsciously thought you didn't need me so much. Which is totally fucked up. I can see that now. I just think what you have with Riley is fantastic. I really do. I'm in awe of it, really. And he knows how to take care of you so well. He would die for you in a heartbeat. And I'm not jealous of that in any way because you deserve to have a brother like that, no matter what. But the twin wedding thing, I guess it left me feeling on some level that I wasn't your protector. But you know what? I can see now that I am, only just in a different way to Riley. I was so overwhelmed and all the wrong things were confusing me," he admitted. "And before now, I've never really needed anyone to take care of me. I just always faced things on my own and very little actually affected me. Life was just a cool adventure. Can you believe it when I say that it was only this afternoon that I realised for the first time that I really did need you. When I was freaking out, all I wanted was you but I convinced myself you would be too pissed off that I ran to come."
Tab gave him a lopsided smile as some tears slid down her cheeks and she wiped them away. "You fucking idiot," she laughed quietly. "I would've come. Nothing would've stopped me. I probably would have yelled at you for making me cry and forcing me to have my make-up undone since I hate having to sit still for that long, but I would have come. I'm always going to be here for you. I understand now how you must have felt, and I am really sorry I had to make you go through that." She pulled him in for a soft kiss and then pressed her lips to his forehead. "Guess we're both good at seeing the whole picture after the fact."
Luke wrapped his arms around her again with a choked up laugh and nodded. "We're the opposite to Riley. He obsesses over the whole picture before it even eventuates. He needs to rub off on us a little more. And it's not your fault, Tab. At all. Ishould've stopped and realised that something was off. I guess I just really wanted it to be as perfect as it was supposed to be. Talk about deluded. I'm not usually that thick," he said wryly. "I guess marriage is a bigger thing to me than I could ever anticipate."
Tab couldn't help but laugh again as she looked up at him. "Good thing your unbelievable hotness counteracts the thickness. I've been blinded by your sexiness this whole time I didn't even notice." She hugged him back, and nuzzled against him. "I think it's big when it's genuine, and when you're really investing yourself into a relationship. It wouldn't be this big if we didn't care."
Luke shook his head. "No, it wouldn't. It's big, and although it's as scary as all fuck, I wouldn't change it," he told her, squeezing her tightly like he never wanted to let go.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 2,539