Kicked In the Teeth

[notjessica]

No, I didn't overlook the setting; this is meant to be a public entry. I'm done sugar-coating things for people by hiding behind passwords and friends-lists and filters. If anyone reads my journal but doesn't want to know how I really feel, too damn bad from now on. I am going to do the favor of an lj-cut this time, since this might get long anyway

Comments

[mtprezzy]

Oy.

I'm sorry Jessie.

I've a lot of thoughts running through my head about this, but I'll withhold at the risk of saying something offensive about a member of your family.

You know this already but...ultimately in life you have to do what is right for YOU because it is YOUR life. Not anyone else's to live in your stead. Just don't ever forget that.

Um, I'm home! :?

[shininghalf]

Good to see you home and online! Here's hoping for a quick and easy recovery.

[shininghalf]

Feminist Fox thinks it must be easier for a cisgendered man to think gender has no transcendent reality. Even if your soul wasn't gendered, there's still your brain; I think it's pretty damn important. If I knew how he thought "a woman was supposed to act" it would probably just piss me off, too (Mom might have had some stories about that from time to time...). More things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in his philosophy...

::hugs::

[mtprezzy]

First, thanks for well wishes.

Second, I have a question about this that I don't understand from dad's perpective.

If he says on one hand that the soul is genderless, wouldn't that lead him to conclude that what Jessie is doing isn't a sin?

I know I have to read this second hand and don't get to hear him straight out, but... seems like saying "the soul doesn't have a gender," would be a good thing for Jessie to say to him, not the other way around.

[notjessica]

Hi Matt! Thank you for taking time to check on me. And I'm sorry I've been so wrapped up in my own dramas to really be there for you while you've been having life-or-death struggles. But, I feel like maybe I'm doing the best I can right now.

I know what you mean though, it's like, on the one hand, your body shouldn't matter because your true inner spark whatever is the only thing that's real... but on the other hand YOUR BODY IS A TEMPLE UNTO THE LORD and modifying it is a grave crime against the universe. *shrug* I guess that's why fundamentalists don't get accused of being logical very often.

[mtprezzy]

Hi, and it's cool. No worries at all. I totally get it.

*sigh* I don't have much tolerance for the zealots of organized religions, so I'm trying to withhold too harshly my judgement, but acknowledge my support for ya and opposition to that situation that happened at the same time.-Hope it comes across that way.

[notjessica]

I'm starting to understand what might make a lady bitter about such things. I think parents are probably always the hardest.

He reads the spaces in between the lines more than he reads the actual words, I think. You can make the Bible say a lot of things if you do it that way. XD

I'm feeling a bit stronger today, and I'm back to thinking I'll be my cute and cuddly self for the holiday. It wouldn't be fair to my Mom or especially my sister for me to cancel. Let's just see if he'll act the same way in front of witnesses.

And I've already decided he's seen my boyself for the last time. Never again. If he doesn't give me enough time to get changed, I'll be turning him down from now on.

TY for the support, Ms. Jessie. :)

[fenrisulfr]

I am so sorry to hear that happened. I had my own gender and parent struggles for TDoR, but they were nowhere NEAR the scale and scope of yours. I agree that you should back out, assuming that won't cause even more preaching. You don't deserve to be treated like crap.

And I can't help but laugh (bitterly) when a cisgendered person says gender isn't important. Sure, they don't think about it. Until someone wears it "wrong." Wrong being completely arbitrary and ranging anything from being a shade of transgendered, to encountering another cisgendered person who is not being masculine enough/feminine enough/too feminine.

[notjessica]

Hi! Thanks for coming by. ♥ Sorry you had rough times too; no need to compare. You deserve to be completely accepted as you are and as you wish to be.

Believe me, if it only affected him, the cancellation would have happened already. I just really don't want to get my sister caught in the middle of things; she lives with them and she doesn't deserve to suffer consequences on my behalf.

I agree; I like how my gender isn't supposed to matter to me, yet it's fine if it matters to him. And he'll never even see the fractured logic.

dear you,...

[zanteh]

Hello, Dear