[JE] [JEF #3] Photographic Memories 1/8
Title: JE Fleet III: Photographic Memories ch. 1/8
Series: JE Fleet
Fandom: KAT-TUN
Pairing: Akame (though others are mentioned)
Rating: PG-13? Maybe occasionally bordering on R?
Total word count: Approx. 37,550
Genre: AU, sci-fi, crack
Disclaimer: Not mine, dammit.
Summary: Mere hours away from Earth, the crew of the JE Fleet ship KAT-TUN have their leave cut short as Commodore Yamashita sends Captains Akanishi and Kamenashi on a top secret mission to Venus. But when Kame's past as the tactical advisor for the Fahngarlians catches up with him, the planet of love becomes the planet of war...
Author's Note
This fic follows on immediately after from JE Fleet II: Attack of Nerves, and refers heavily to events that took place in the first in the series, Personal Space. If you haven't read those two, I'd suggest doing so before tackling this monstrosity or it will make no sense.
I started writing this ages ago. So long ago, in fact, that Hey!Say!JUMP hadn't debuted yet, which is why Chinen and the rest are still trainees serving on the KAT-TUN in this fic and do not have their own ship. Also, please excuse the number of liberties I take with various other JE folks and...uh...Hana Kimi cast members.
Chapter 1
Commodore Yamashita Tomohisa, known to friends, superior officers and a certain good-looking Jovian bartender as 'Yamapi', braced himself for the inevitable momentary disorientation that accompanied the teleport procedure. It wasn't that leaving his bright pink flagship, the Pin, was particularly traumatic - on the contrary, it was something of a relief to get away from Ensign Tegoshi and Lieutenant Masuda, who had (once again) accidentally flooded the bridge with miso soup.
No, it was the arrival at his destination that posed a problem. The Jaguar-class ship KAT-TUN, in addition to being one of the finest crafts in the entire JE Fleet, was also one of the craziest. The crew, most of them former space-pirates, tended to ignore orders, refused to wear uniform, and hoarded unorthodox sidearms like they were going out of fashion. The vessel was heavily-armed, had shield generators to match its firepower, and thanks to a recent engine upgrade could easily outstrip any ship in the Sol System...and beyond.
A fearsome combination, to be sure, and of the two captains, one had previously tried to destroy the human race, and the other was occasionally certifiable.
Luckily, the lunatic of the pair happened to be Yamapi's best friend, Akanishi Jin. Jin was *usually* happy to see him, but Yamapi had a feeling he might not get such a warm reception this time. Not when he was teleporting across to the KAT-TUN to give them a new mission mere days after they'd returned from their last one, and when they were technically beginning a month's leave.
If he was going to be totally honest with himself - which he normally was - he didn't feel too good about it either. Only two days earlier, he'd given the other captain, Kamenashi Kazuya, the good news that his shipboard confinement had been cut short by Earth President Imai Tsubasa, and he was now free to come and go as he pleased. Yamapi had later received a garbled transmission from Jin, saying something about them going to Earth for vacation and that the KAT-TUN would be docked at Tokyo Central Spaceport for the next month.
Unfortunately, it was Yamapi's job to tell them to turn around when they were only hours away from their home planet, delaying their well-earned leave for a week. He wasn't looking forward to it.
The miso-swamped bridge of the Pin disappeared, replaced by the considerably drier bridge of the KAT-TUN, and Yamapi checked out his audience. Most of them opted not to notice him.
Of the command crew, Lieutenant Tanaka Koki, Commander Ueda Tatsuya, Ensign Nakamaru Yuichi and Ensign Taguchi Junnosuke were nowhere to be seen, their usual seats being filled by the trainees who made up a disproportionately large percentage of the JE Fleet. Since the ship was currently stationary alongside the Pin, almost everybody of consequence had disappeared for parts unknown - probably to pack their gear in preparation for disembarkation on Earth.
The two very obvious exceptions were Captains Akanishi and Kamenashi, who were flipping through a holographic travel brochure propped up on the armrest between their seats...as much as a holographic book could be propped up on anything, anyway.
"What do you think, Pi?" Jin began conversationally, as though the commodore had been there all along and hadn't suddenly materialised in the centre of the bridge. "Europe or America? We've decided we're going to spend a week in Japan and then travel around a bit, but we can't decide where to start."
"*You* can't decide," Kame corrected him. "I already suggested Paris."
"I know, I'm just not sure I want to go to Texas."
Kame looked at his partner in disbelief. "I meant Paris, France, Jin. Not the one in Texas."
"Oh." Jin looked crestfallen, but perked up when Kame ruffled his soft, brown curls. "I guess we're going to France, then," he said cheerfully.
Yamapi shuffled his feet awkwardly. He hated to have to do this to his friends, but orders were orders and if he disobeyed, Admiral Takki was never going to speak to him again. He wasn't sure he could live with that.
"France is going to have to wait a little while," he said, displaying the data disc he held.
The blood drained from Jin's face when he saw it, but Kame got in first. "That's not a 'congratulations on the end of your confinement' present, is it?"
The commodore shook his head. "No, but if it makes you feel any better, I do have something on order for you for the occasion - a Vanderburgh original with a custom finish. It's being flown in from Saturn, I'll have it for you when you get back."
Kame's ecstasy at acquiring a new chair, and one of his favourite brands, at that, didn't last long. He abandoned Jin's hair and stood up, looking grim.
"It doesn't make *me* feel any better," Jin complained. "I don't care what it is, Pi, but we're not doing it."
Yamapi sighed. "At least hear me out," he pleaded.
Jin held his ground. "I don't care if it's an order from President Tsubasa himself - we're on leave!"
"Lucky guess," Yamapi said, a touch more surly than before. The trainees were gathering on the fringes of the room and placing bets on the outcome, and he had a horrible feeling that the smart money wasn't on him. He was, after all, outnumbered. "Just listen to me before you throw a fit. And, Jin, if you interrupt me even once, I'm going to tie you up and gag you."
Kame scowled and flipped his hair. "No one gets to do that but me!"
Jin turned bright red and looked at the floor. "I said I didn't want to try that again," he muttered.
Whispers began to rustle round the room as the trainees speculated on the nature of the relationship between their captains. More money exchanged hands, and Yamapi wondered briefly how he could get in on the action. Underage gambling was alive and well on the KAT-TUN, unlike the Pin, where the big problem was underage drinking and the much put-upon Captain Kato Shigeaki had to resort to all sorts of interesting stress relief mechanisms to help him deal with the hassle.
"I really didn't want to know that, by the way. You guys are still going to get your leave, all right? You'll just be delayed a week. President Tsubasa needs you to take a detour to Venus."
Jin seemed to be about to open his mouth and protest, but Yamapi's threat, or possibly Kame's retort, made him reconsider. He slumped back down in his padded leather chair and started flipping through the travel brochure again, pointedly ignoring his best friend and commanding officer.
Kame's interest was piqued, however. "Venus? What could they possibly want us to do on Venus? It's the planet of love, not war!"
"Exactly." Yamapi favoured Kame with a lazy smile, happy that at least someone was paying attention to him. "And who better to send on a secret mission to the planet of love than a couple of guys who can't keep their hands off each other? Usually," he amended, since the two captains were now at greater than arm's length.
Kame rolled his eyes. "Secret mission?" he repeated. "Don't tell me we've been seconded to Special Ops."
The commodore was aghast at the very idea. "Definitely not," he said firmly. "They wouldn't last five minutes with you guys. This is a private assignment for just the two of you."
"This isn't exactly private, Pi."
Jin had a point. The commodore attempted to persuade the captains to vacate to more suitable premises, but Jin refused to budge, and promising Trainee Yabu Kota was forced to round up his fellow junior crewmembers and usher them off the bridge.
"Happy now?" Yamapi asked once the three of them were left alone. "It's really immature of you to do things like that."
"Yeah, it is," Kame agreed, "but you're the one sticking out his tongue. You're as bad as each other."
Yamapi glared at him. "I didn't notice you leaping in with the common sense."
Kame smirked and sat back down, this time settling himself on Jin's lap. Yamapi found this slightly disconcerting since the holographic travel brochure was still open on the older captain's legs, and Kame appeared to be sitting in a map of North America.
Jin obviously found it unnerving as well, because he immediately deactivated the small projector embedded in his chair arm. Yamapi took advantage of Kame's choice of resting place to plant himself in the other power seat. If he was going to be the unwilling bearer of bad news, he wanted to sit down.
"It's a private assignment," he continued, "because it's a secret." He put his index finger to his lips and made an exaggerated shushing sound.
"This hasn't got anything to do with a surprise birthday present for Admiral Takki, has it?" Jin asked, his voice laced with suspicion. "Because if this is your way of getting me to go into all those weird shops so you don't have to, you can forget it."
"I didn't realise they were going to try give you a tattoo! And no, I don't want you to shop, though it might help your cover."
"Our cover as what?" Kame wanted to know.
Yamapi grinned. "If you look at it this way, it's not really a cover. It's real life." From the way Jin's legs were starting to kick, almost unseating Kame, he was getting bored, so the commodore picked up the pace. "You guys have been to Eros City, right?"
Kame spoke for both of them. "Once, back when it was still open all year round, but we only got as far as the spaceport. There was this trader who-" he choked off abruptly as Jin hit him in the back to remind him that perhaps it wasn't such a fabulous idea to be talking about some of their less legitimate exploits in front of a superior officer, even one who used to work on the other side of the law himself. "Just once," he finished, rubbing his back.
"Then I guess you won't have to fake being a pair of tourist lovebirds," the commodore said brightly.
Jin wrapped his arms around Kame's waist and snuggled against his shoulder. "No fake," he agreed in all solemnity.
Yamapi thought he felt the beginnings of a cavity, brought on by all the sugar in the room. He and Jin had been lovers a long time ago, back when they were still living on Earth, and while the passion had been shortlived the love remained. He didn't begrudge Kame and Jin their happiness...but there were times when he longed for that sort of relationship himself. "Like I said, it's not really a cover. You'll be there till Sunday - unless you find it early, in which case you can leave as soon as you contact me."
"Find what?" Kame tried to sound impatient, but Jin's affectionate nuzzling got in the way.
"I forgot to show you?" Yamapi was puzzled, until he realised he was still holding the disc. He slotted it into Kame's personal datapad - current display: a disturbing picture of Jin posing in a leopard-print swimsuit - and clicked till he found the image he wanted. "Here. This is what we want you to retrieve."
The KAT-TUN captains peered dubiously at the datapad. "It's a nice picture," Jin said at last.
"It is," Kame agreed, "but why do you need us to find a framed photograph of Admiral Takki and President Tsubasa at the beach?"
"It's been stolen from President Tsubasa's office," the commodore informed them.
Jin was clearly bewildered. "And that's a bad thing, but why get the military involved? Isn't that overkill?"
"Not when the photograph has the activation codes for the inner planet HQ self-destructs."
The United Solar Navy, the largest military force in the Sol System, was made up of men and women from everywhere from Mercury to Pluto, not to mention the odd immigrant from other systems. Earth, as the most populous planet and the ruling seat of the Sol System, provided a good portion of the manpower in the form of the JE Fleet, which was presided over by Admiral Takizawa Hideaki, long-time partner of (and lately married to) Earth President Imai Tsubasa.
The Presidential Suite was at JE Fleet HQ in Tokyo, Japan, but there were USN bases of varying sizes all over the system. Mercury, Venus, Earth and Mars all had USN Headquarters of their own...and to guard against immovable alien invasion, incurable disease or unavoidable disaster, they were all equipped with a self-destruct system. Only the president had the activation codes.
"They're part of the image," Yamapi explained. "You swipe a scanner over the relevant section - for example, that surfboard is for Mercury - and that kickstarts the countdown. It was supposed to be better than keeping it in a safe because the president's got pictures of them all over his office and they figured no one would pay special attention to this one."
"Idiots," Kame muttered under his breath.
"Isn't that a bit dangerous?" Jin asked. "What if someone scanned it by accident?"
"It only works when the glass is removed and the exposed picture is held under UV light. If anyone scans it and blows up four very large buildings, they're doing it on purpose."
Jin lolled back against his headrest. "That's not comforting at all, Pi."
"It's not supposed to be. The picture was stolen two days ago but because the security system was disabled, it took us that long to track down the thief. A woman on the cleaning staff disappeared at the same time - didn't show up for her shift, no one could get hold of her and when they checked, her apartment had been cleaned out and abandoned. Her details are on this disc. She was spotted at Tokyo Central Spaceport, travelling under a different name on a shuttle bound for Eros City."
"So?" Jin said with a shrug. "No one gets in there."
Kame leaned back to catch his partner's eye. "Think what time of year it is, Jin."
"Oh yeah..."
Ordinarily, settlements on Venus welcomed travellers with open arms. Once, Eros City had been of that number, flowing freely with tourists and natives alike, all of whom were keen to love and be loved on the shores of Lake Aphrodite. But three years ago, an unassuming, innocent-seeming tour group had embarked on a killing spree of horrific proportions, gunning down couples in the lush green parks, filling hot tubs with acid, even sabotaging the small, bright pink trains that ran round the city.
Four months of terror made the tourist industry take a nosedive, and even the locals were afraid to go outdoors. The killers never made any demands, nor bragged about their actions. No reason was ever given for the brutal slaughter of almost two thousand people.
After one spectacular train crash, the killing stopped as suddenly as it had begun, and speculation ran rife that those responsible had been onboard at the time. Slowly, things began to settle down, and life, which had been on hold for four months, resumed in Eros City.
But not quite the same as it used to be. With good reason, the city council was afraid, and without knowing what had prompted the murders, the councillors were terrified that it could all happen again one day.
So they closed the gates, put bars on the windows and figuratively buried their heads in the sand. Eros City was closed to travellers, and no one was allowed entry without a special permit. Goods came and went on unmanned trains, and even these were scanned at the point of entry to ensure that no unauthorised personnel slipped through the security net.
There was one exception, however. Every year, for the week containing Valentine's Day, Eros City was open to the public once more. Sort of. Security was still tight, and visitors had to pass an endless round of checks before they were allowed to set one foot outside the spaceport, but once they were cleared, they were able to board the train that took them inside the city itself. No ships could land at Eros City anymore - the closest spaceport was three hours by rail.
Visitors could arrive at any point during the week - and indeed, the checks took so long, on occasion, that it was preferred that the times be staggered - but with the exception of genuine emergencies (loss of life or limb only, please) no one was allowed out until the Sunday of that week, at which point all hell broke loose at the station. Everyone was packed onto the trains and checked back out again, sent off to the spaceport to board their respective ships or catch a shuttle.
"So we could get in," Jin said sullenly. "We'd be unarmed, without backup and even if we found the stupid photo we still couldn't get out until Sunday. And it's not our job, Pi!"
That last part, Yamapi couldn't dispute. "I know and I'm sorry, but do you have any idea what would happen if the news got out about the theft? I had to ask people I could trust, and," he turned on the charm and hoped like hell that his best friend was still susceptible, "you're the person I trust the most in the universe, Jin."
Kame cocked his head. "What about me?"
Yamapi was pretty sure Kame wasn't going to try to destroy the human race again, but that wasn't exactly the most convincing reason to trust him. "Uh...well...Jin tells you everything anyway, so..."
Kame nodded, and if his teeth were clenched a little tighter than they needed to be, no one noticed.
"Besides," Yamapi continued, "you'd stick out like Captain Nagase at a hen night if you tried to walk round Eros City by yourself. Only couples ever go there - so our thief probably has an accomplice. They won't be able to get out before Sunday - but you will. Once you have the picture, go to the station. That's the only place in the city now where you can make contact outside the walls. Call me on my private channel - I'll be docked at the spaceport - and I'll send a team to collect you."
"That's great," Jin drawled, "but what about us being unarmed and alone?"
"We're working on the unarmed part."
"And the alone part?"
Yamapi shook his head. "Sorry. No one can even know there's anything wrong, and if anyone marks you as military people are going to start asking questions. Eros City likes its security to be homegrown, and a couple of JE Fleet captains would attract all kinds of attention. The fewer people involved, the less chance of a leak.
"That's why you can't go in as yourselves. I assume you still have some working fake IDs that'll hold up under serious scrutiny?"
Jin snorted. "Obviously. It's not like Eros City really wants to let in a couple of ex-space pirates, either."
Yamapi was relieved that Jin at least sounded interested. There was a very major downside to being your best friend's commanding officer, in that trying to order him to do anything was an impossible mission in itself and he could usually wrap you round his little finger. He didn't want to have to order Jin to go, because the damage it would do to their friendship...
Kame seemed more than faintly interested. "Not to sound paranoid, but I'm not going in without a weapon."
"I said we were working on it. Arashi have been experimenting with cloaking technologies lately, trying to modify the equipment used on ships to come up with a personal shielding device."
"Figures that Nino would want to make himself invisible," Jin muttered under his breath.
"They haven't succeeded in building anything portable yet, which means they can't make anything invisible to the naked eye. However," Yamapi paused for dramatic effect, "they did come up with a little something to keep your guns off the scanners. Something to do with frequencies, I don't know. I fell asleep during the explanation."
Jin and Kame both owned heavily-customised blasters with a gene-locked trigger, provided specially for them by Arashi (Agency of Really Awesome Smart and Handsome Individuals) - military intelligence, disguised as a talent agency. MatsuJun, their always-fashionable weapons designer, had a knack for producing gadgets as dangerous as they were stylish.
Kame grasped the idea before Jin did. "Our blasters will be visible, but if we carry them concealed, the scanners won't pick them up?"
"Right!"
"So we can't shoot anyone without blowing our cover, then?"
"Right! Um..."
That was enough for Jin. "If they can get that far, then let Arashi do it! The Ohmiya team's perfect for this."
"The entire agency is busy right now," Yamapi said.
"What, all of them? Just tell them to put each other down for a minute and-"
"It's not like that," Yamapi protested. "They're being audited."
The two captains winced in unison.
"By civilian auditors," he added for emphasis.
They winced again. Auditing a military intelligence organisation by the standards of the talent agency they appeared to be...clearly, Arashi were going to have their hands full for a while.
"I suppose if we actually get to the point where we need to use a weapon, it won't be that important to keep our covers," Kame speculated.
"No, because the local security will shoot us on sight and only discover our identities afterwards."
"You don't have to be so negative about it, Jin."
Jin tightened his arms round Kame's waist. "Don't tell me you're considering doing this?"
Through an ingenious series of wriggles and an elbow or two applied in the right place, Kame freed himself from his partner's possessive embrace and slid off his lap to face him. "And why not? Jin, I haven't set foot on a planet for over two years, if you count the time I spent with the Fahgarlians - hell, I haven't even been off this ship in fifteen months except when I was rescuing you from that monstrous computer, and you can't count that as downtime. What's wrong with spending a week on Venus? We'll go to Earth afterwards."
"I don't like it," Jin said unhappily. "This is supposed to be our vacation and you want to work through it."
"You can have another week on the end to make up for it," Yamapi said. He could afford to be generous if it helped convince them to go.
"That's not the point, Pi! By tomorrow we were supposed to be relaxing together on Earth, not checking ourselves into some hotel on Venus looking for terrorists!"
"Jin-"
"We're not doing it and you can't make us!"
"Yes, he can," Kame pointed out. "He's our commanding officer."
"Maybe it's time for another change of career," Jin shot as he stormed out the door.
Yamapi shook his head wearily and wondered if he could possibly blackmail Jin into compliance using hidden video footage of him in a nurse's outfit.
Kame glowered at the bridge door. "We'll be in Jin's quarters. Give me one hour, then come find us."
Before Yamapi could reply, the other KAT-TUN captain had vanished, leaving him all alone. The trainees flooded back in seconds later, and Yamapi settled down to play a few hands of poker with them while he waited for Kame's hour to pass.
Forty-five minutes later...
To get Jin to agree to do something he didn't want to do, gentle coaxing worked much better than threats. Kame knew this well.
Which was why he was currently lying on his back in Jin's bed, absently stroking Jin's curls where they rested on his bare stomach. Content and sated, his argument with Yamapi all but forgotten, the elder of the two captains was happily sprawled underneath the top sheet, using Kame as a pillow.
Kame judged the time was right to bring up the subject of their new mission - now, when Jin was in no condition to argue. "I know it's not going to be easy, Jin, but it's no worse than any of the other odd tasks you've been asked to do. You're not afraid of a little risk, are you? Not the man who went alone to an alien warship to find me, or who teleported to a psychotic space station by himself to keep his crew out of danger?"
Jin's shoulders tensed. "It wasn't that I wasn't scared then," he said quietly. "But I couldn't *not* go. And that was on my own terms. This won't be. And...I don't want you to go."
"Why not?" Kame couldn't figure it out. "Worried I've forgotten how to handle myself on a planet?"
"Of course not. But you've just saved the lives of an awful lot of people, including me, and now you can go wherever you want, and...we're supposed to be, you know, doing things like walking hand-in-hand in the park and stuff, not going on a hunt for the most dangerous photograph in the universe."
"Sounds like you don't even want me in the military with you," Kame teased.
Jin pulled away from Kame's caresses and sat up so he could look his partner straight in the eye. "Kame, I know you. Your mimimum operating level is one hundred per cent, and before long you're giving up your holidays and going without sleep because you're too busy throwing yourself into work. At least when we weren't legally employed it wasn't so bad, but something like this..."
"You're worried I'll overwork myself?"
Jin nodded. "I don't want you to go somewhere I can't follow. I don't want our lives to be an endless round of bringing each other back to sanity for whatever reason."
Kame reached up to cup Jin's face with his hands and gave him a soft, chaste kiss on the lips. "I don't have plans for either of us to go insane any time soon."
"How about plans for us both getting killed? Because it seems to me that's the most likely scenario here, and I can't understand why you're all enthusiastic about it now when you were against it too."
Kame sighed, guiding Jin back down to his resting place so he didn't have to hide the guilt on his features. "Because I don't know if I'm ready to go back to Earth, Jin."
There was an awkward silence while Jin cursed himself mentally for managing to be understanding and sympathetic on completely the wrong issue.
Kame misinterpreted the silence as confusion - ordinarily, he'd have been right - and resumed his stroking of Jin's hair, threading the soft brown strands tenderly through his fingers. It wasn't like petting the daschund he'd had as a child back on Earth; touching Jin like this served to remind him just how beautiful his partner was.
Jin broke the quiet first, his voice hesitant. "Because you tried to destroy it?"
"Yeah." Kame licked his lips, which were drying out fast. It felt like all the moisture in the air had been stripped by the filters, and none of it had been cycled back in. "I was going the scenic route, but yeah, I was going to take Earth. And by that point, I was going to be the only living human being in the Sol System."
Jokes on the subject usually fell flat, but Jin felt it was his duty to attempt to lighten the atmosphere. "So compared to you, whoever took the photograph is an underachiever, right? They only wanted to blow up four buildings."
Kame jerked sharply, tugging at Jin's hair, though he only realised what he'd done when he heard the resulting whine. "Sorry. Reflex."
"It's okay."
Jin was well aware how raw Kame's nerves still were when it came to talking about his attempt to destroy the human race. It was hardly fit topic for friendly conversation, after all, and even now, Kame disliked looking from the viewscreen at the planets he'd once tried to wipe out. He might claim to be fine with going planet-side again, but he hadn't spent time with anyone outside the military since his rescue from the Fahngarlians and privately, Jin wasn't at all sure how Kame would deal with having his freedom restored to him.
Of course, he'd been counting on finding out for sure from the comfort of Tokyo, not the unfamiliar territory of Eros City.
"Four very large, important buildings, Jin. Somebody's trying to do some real damage to the Sol System's defenses. Isn't it worth taking a few risks to stop them?"
"If they know who the woman is, why don't they just send the Eros City security to search for her?" Jin grumbled. "The city's not *that* big. They can just make up a charge, there's no need to mention the photo."
Kame pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Yamapi might not have thought about that, but President Tsubasa would've. There must be another reason for sending us in."
"Because everyone else did the smart thing and refused to go?"
"I believe Yamapi when he says this is a secret. But don't you want to know what this is really about?"
Jin was lying at the wrong angle to see Kame, but judging by his voice there was no mistaking it: the mission had piqued Kame's interest. That meant they were going.
Less than a minute after Jin grudgingly admitted his defeat - he couldn't stand losing, even to Kame - Yamapi appeared in the doorway, optimism written all over his face.
Jin promptly scrambled to cover Kame with the sheet, accidentally revealing more of himself than he'd shown Yamapi in a good ten years, and yelled at his best friend to stop standing in the doorway so the doors could slide shut again. (It was unfortunate that the print locks on all fleet ships responded automatically to the hands of anyone ranked Commodore or higher, in addition to any authorised crew members.)
Yamapi grinned. He didn't deny that he enjoyed the view - particularly when Kame completely ignored Jin's efforts to preserve his modesty, stood up and started dressing, leaving his red-faced partner tangled in the sheets.
"I spent half a year living with an entire fleet of women," Kame reminded them as he threw on a light grey tanktop. "There's nothing you can possibly do to embarrass me now."
Jin groaned and snatched up his oversized plaid robe, making sure it was securely belted before he ventured to stand up. "You could have called, Pi! We might've been in the middle of something!"
"Kame told me to come by in an hour, and since I assumed he knew what he was talking about, here I am," Yamapi explained. "Did he manage to talk you into it?"
Jin played innocent. "Talk me into what?"
Kame handed him a suitcase. "I did and we're going. Get packing."
Yamapi shot Kame a look of gratitude and privately vowed to order him half a dozen new chairs and silk ties to match. Jin didn't look happy, but he didn't look like he wanted Yamapi dead, either, and that meant things were going to be okay between them. Or so he hoped.
He made arrangements with Kame while Jin was showering, ensuring that both parties had all the information they needed: details of the theft, plans for Eros City, contact frequencies and fake identities. Ensign Uchi teleported across with a package from Arashi - the last mail they'd been able to courier out before the auditors had arrived - and a snack for the commodore, who required feeding at regular intervals.
Finally, everything was set. A new course had been programmed into the autopilot, Kame was up to speed, and Jin...was out of the shower. Yamapi prepared to return to the Pin, which would be following the KAT-TUN to Venus with a day's lag. Before he called his flagship to have them teleport him back, he turned to face his friends.
"You owe us for this, Pi," Jin warned him. "I mean it. If anything happens to Kame I'm going to-"
Kame elbowed his partner in the ribs to make him shut up. "Worry about yourself instead," he advised. "If you go to Eros City looking like that, you're liable to find yourself being hit on by every living creature in sight and I might be too busy on our mission to defend your honour."
Jin's bathrobe, being tied very loosely, was slipping open to his navel and baring most of his shoulders. His hair, freshly released from its towel turban, curled dark, damp and delightful around his neck, letting tiny droplets of water trickle down his exposed skin. "I'll defend my own honour, thanks. Not that I can possibly have any left by now..."
Kame's smile reflected years of indulgence. "Don't be so sure of that."
"I'm sure you'll take care of each other," Yamapi said hurriedly before they could start trading flirtatious banter back and forth. There was one more thing he had to say to them before he left. "President Tsubasa gave me a message for you both."
"I knew it!" Kame felt vindicated in his earlier speculation. "What did he say?"
"Just...do it your own way."
"That's it?" Jin spluttered. "That's the entire message?"
Yamapi nodded. "It confused me too, but that's all he said. And it's not like anything could get lost in translation 'cause we were both speaking Japanese..."
Jin's eyes widened. "Maybe it's a code?"
Yamapi hastily signalled to Ensign Tegoshi to teleport him back to the Pin before Jin could rope him into a code-breaking session.
Series: JE Fleet
Fandom: KAT-TUN
Pairing: Akame (though others are mentioned)
Rating: PG-13? Maybe occasionally bordering on R?
Total word count: Approx. 37,550
Genre: AU, sci-fi, crack
Disclaimer: Not mine, dammit.
Summary: Mere hours away from Earth, the crew of the JE Fleet ship KAT-TUN have their leave cut short as Commodore Yamashita sends Captains Akanishi and Kamenashi on a top secret mission to Venus. But when Kame's past as the tactical advisor for the Fahngarlians catches up with him, the planet of love becomes the planet of war...
Author's Note
This fic follows on immediately after from JE Fleet II: Attack of Nerves, and refers heavily to events that took place in the first in the series, Personal Space. If you haven't read those two, I'd suggest doing so before tackling this monstrosity or it will make no sense.
I started writing this ages ago. So long ago, in fact, that Hey!Say!JUMP hadn't debuted yet, which is why Chinen and the rest are still trainees serving on the KAT-TUN in this fic and do not have their own ship. Also, please excuse the number of liberties I take with various other JE folks and...uh...Hana Kimi cast members.
Chapter 1
Commodore Yamashita Tomohisa, known to friends, superior officers and a certain good-looking Jovian bartender as 'Yamapi', braced himself for the inevitable momentary disorientation that accompanied the teleport procedure. It wasn't that leaving his bright pink flagship, the Pin, was particularly traumatic - on the contrary, it was something of a relief to get away from Ensign Tegoshi and Lieutenant Masuda, who had (once again) accidentally flooded the bridge with miso soup.
No, it was the arrival at his destination that posed a problem. The Jaguar-class ship KAT-TUN, in addition to being one of the finest crafts in the entire JE Fleet, was also one of the craziest. The crew, most of them former space-pirates, tended to ignore orders, refused to wear uniform, and hoarded unorthodox sidearms like they were going out of fashion. The vessel was heavily-armed, had shield generators to match its firepower, and thanks to a recent engine upgrade could easily outstrip any ship in the Sol System...and beyond.
A fearsome combination, to be sure, and of the two captains, one had previously tried to destroy the human race, and the other was occasionally certifiable.
Luckily, the lunatic of the pair happened to be Yamapi's best friend, Akanishi Jin. Jin was *usually* happy to see him, but Yamapi had a feeling he might not get such a warm reception this time. Not when he was teleporting across to the KAT-TUN to give them a new mission mere days after they'd returned from their last one, and when they were technically beginning a month's leave.
If he was going to be totally honest with himself - which he normally was - he didn't feel too good about it either. Only two days earlier, he'd given the other captain, Kamenashi Kazuya, the good news that his shipboard confinement had been cut short by Earth President Imai Tsubasa, and he was now free to come and go as he pleased. Yamapi had later received a garbled transmission from Jin, saying something about them going to Earth for vacation and that the KAT-TUN would be docked at Tokyo Central Spaceport for the next month.
Unfortunately, it was Yamapi's job to tell them to turn around when they were only hours away from their home planet, delaying their well-earned leave for a week. He wasn't looking forward to it.
The miso-swamped bridge of the Pin disappeared, replaced by the considerably drier bridge of the KAT-TUN, and Yamapi checked out his audience. Most of them opted not to notice him.
Of the command crew, Lieutenant Tanaka Koki, Commander Ueda Tatsuya, Ensign Nakamaru Yuichi and Ensign Taguchi Junnosuke were nowhere to be seen, their usual seats being filled by the trainees who made up a disproportionately large percentage of the JE Fleet. Since the ship was currently stationary alongside the Pin, almost everybody of consequence had disappeared for parts unknown - probably to pack their gear in preparation for disembarkation on Earth.
The two very obvious exceptions were Captains Akanishi and Kamenashi, who were flipping through a holographic travel brochure propped up on the armrest between their seats...as much as a holographic book could be propped up on anything, anyway.
"What do you think, Pi?" Jin began conversationally, as though the commodore had been there all along and hadn't suddenly materialised in the centre of the bridge. "Europe or America? We've decided we're going to spend a week in Japan and then travel around a bit, but we can't decide where to start."
"*You* can't decide," Kame corrected him. "I already suggested Paris."
"I know, I'm just not sure I want to go to Texas."
Kame looked at his partner in disbelief. "I meant Paris, France, Jin. Not the one in Texas."
"Oh." Jin looked crestfallen, but perked up when Kame ruffled his soft, brown curls. "I guess we're going to France, then," he said cheerfully.
Yamapi shuffled his feet awkwardly. He hated to have to do this to his friends, but orders were orders and if he disobeyed, Admiral Takki was never going to speak to him again. He wasn't sure he could live with that.
"France is going to have to wait a little while," he said, displaying the data disc he held.
The blood drained from Jin's face when he saw it, but Kame got in first. "That's not a 'congratulations on the end of your confinement' present, is it?"
The commodore shook his head. "No, but if it makes you feel any better, I do have something on order for you for the occasion - a Vanderburgh original with a custom finish. It's being flown in from Saturn, I'll have it for you when you get back."
Kame's ecstasy at acquiring a new chair, and one of his favourite brands, at that, didn't last long. He abandoned Jin's hair and stood up, looking grim.
"It doesn't make *me* feel any better," Jin complained. "I don't care what it is, Pi, but we're not doing it."
Yamapi sighed. "At least hear me out," he pleaded.
Jin held his ground. "I don't care if it's an order from President Tsubasa himself - we're on leave!"
"Lucky guess," Yamapi said, a touch more surly than before. The trainees were gathering on the fringes of the room and placing bets on the outcome, and he had a horrible feeling that the smart money wasn't on him. He was, after all, outnumbered. "Just listen to me before you throw a fit. And, Jin, if you interrupt me even once, I'm going to tie you up and gag you."
Kame scowled and flipped his hair. "No one gets to do that but me!"
Jin turned bright red and looked at the floor. "I said I didn't want to try that again," he muttered.
Whispers began to rustle round the room as the trainees speculated on the nature of the relationship between their captains. More money exchanged hands, and Yamapi wondered briefly how he could get in on the action. Underage gambling was alive and well on the KAT-TUN, unlike the Pin, where the big problem was underage drinking and the much put-upon Captain Kato Shigeaki had to resort to all sorts of interesting stress relief mechanisms to help him deal with the hassle.
"I really didn't want to know that, by the way. You guys are still going to get your leave, all right? You'll just be delayed a week. President Tsubasa needs you to take a detour to Venus."
Jin seemed to be about to open his mouth and protest, but Yamapi's threat, or possibly Kame's retort, made him reconsider. He slumped back down in his padded leather chair and started flipping through the travel brochure again, pointedly ignoring his best friend and commanding officer.
Kame's interest was piqued, however. "Venus? What could they possibly want us to do on Venus? It's the planet of love, not war!"
"Exactly." Yamapi favoured Kame with a lazy smile, happy that at least someone was paying attention to him. "And who better to send on a secret mission to the planet of love than a couple of guys who can't keep their hands off each other? Usually," he amended, since the two captains were now at greater than arm's length.
Kame rolled his eyes. "Secret mission?" he repeated. "Don't tell me we've been seconded to Special Ops."
The commodore was aghast at the very idea. "Definitely not," he said firmly. "They wouldn't last five minutes with you guys. This is a private assignment for just the two of you."
"This isn't exactly private, Pi."
Jin had a point. The commodore attempted to persuade the captains to vacate to more suitable premises, but Jin refused to budge, and promising Trainee Yabu Kota was forced to round up his fellow junior crewmembers and usher them off the bridge.
"Happy now?" Yamapi asked once the three of them were left alone. "It's really immature of you to do things like that."
"Yeah, it is," Kame agreed, "but you're the one sticking out his tongue. You're as bad as each other."
Yamapi glared at him. "I didn't notice you leaping in with the common sense."
Kame smirked and sat back down, this time settling himself on Jin's lap. Yamapi found this slightly disconcerting since the holographic travel brochure was still open on the older captain's legs, and Kame appeared to be sitting in a map of North America.
Jin obviously found it unnerving as well, because he immediately deactivated the small projector embedded in his chair arm. Yamapi took advantage of Kame's choice of resting place to plant himself in the other power seat. If he was going to be the unwilling bearer of bad news, he wanted to sit down.
"It's a private assignment," he continued, "because it's a secret." He put his index finger to his lips and made an exaggerated shushing sound.
"This hasn't got anything to do with a surprise birthday present for Admiral Takki, has it?" Jin asked, his voice laced with suspicion. "Because if this is your way of getting me to go into all those weird shops so you don't have to, you can forget it."
"I didn't realise they were going to try give you a tattoo! And no, I don't want you to shop, though it might help your cover."
"Our cover as what?" Kame wanted to know.
Yamapi grinned. "If you look at it this way, it's not really a cover. It's real life." From the way Jin's legs were starting to kick, almost unseating Kame, he was getting bored, so the commodore picked up the pace. "You guys have been to Eros City, right?"
Kame spoke for both of them. "Once, back when it was still open all year round, but we only got as far as the spaceport. There was this trader who-" he choked off abruptly as Jin hit him in the back to remind him that perhaps it wasn't such a fabulous idea to be talking about some of their less legitimate exploits in front of a superior officer, even one who used to work on the other side of the law himself. "Just once," he finished, rubbing his back.
"Then I guess you won't have to fake being a pair of tourist lovebirds," the commodore said brightly.
Jin wrapped his arms around Kame's waist and snuggled against his shoulder. "No fake," he agreed in all solemnity.
Yamapi thought he felt the beginnings of a cavity, brought on by all the sugar in the room. He and Jin had been lovers a long time ago, back when they were still living on Earth, and while the passion had been shortlived the love remained. He didn't begrudge Kame and Jin their happiness...but there were times when he longed for that sort of relationship himself. "Like I said, it's not really a cover. You'll be there till Sunday - unless you find it early, in which case you can leave as soon as you contact me."
"Find what?" Kame tried to sound impatient, but Jin's affectionate nuzzling got in the way.
"I forgot to show you?" Yamapi was puzzled, until he realised he was still holding the disc. He slotted it into Kame's personal datapad - current display: a disturbing picture of Jin posing in a leopard-print swimsuit - and clicked till he found the image he wanted. "Here. This is what we want you to retrieve."
The KAT-TUN captains peered dubiously at the datapad. "It's a nice picture," Jin said at last.
"It is," Kame agreed, "but why do you need us to find a framed photograph of Admiral Takki and President Tsubasa at the beach?"
"It's been stolen from President Tsubasa's office," the commodore informed them.
Jin was clearly bewildered. "And that's a bad thing, but why get the military involved? Isn't that overkill?"
"Not when the photograph has the activation codes for the inner planet HQ self-destructs."
The United Solar Navy, the largest military force in the Sol System, was made up of men and women from everywhere from Mercury to Pluto, not to mention the odd immigrant from other systems. Earth, as the most populous planet and the ruling seat of the Sol System, provided a good portion of the manpower in the form of the JE Fleet, which was presided over by Admiral Takizawa Hideaki, long-time partner of (and lately married to) Earth President Imai Tsubasa.
The Presidential Suite was at JE Fleet HQ in Tokyo, Japan, but there were USN bases of varying sizes all over the system. Mercury, Venus, Earth and Mars all had USN Headquarters of their own...and to guard against immovable alien invasion, incurable disease or unavoidable disaster, they were all equipped with a self-destruct system. Only the president had the activation codes.
"They're part of the image," Yamapi explained. "You swipe a scanner over the relevant section - for example, that surfboard is for Mercury - and that kickstarts the countdown. It was supposed to be better than keeping it in a safe because the president's got pictures of them all over his office and they figured no one would pay special attention to this one."
"Idiots," Kame muttered under his breath.
"Isn't that a bit dangerous?" Jin asked. "What if someone scanned it by accident?"
"It only works when the glass is removed and the exposed picture is held under UV light. If anyone scans it and blows up four very large buildings, they're doing it on purpose."
Jin lolled back against his headrest. "That's not comforting at all, Pi."
"It's not supposed to be. The picture was stolen two days ago but because the security system was disabled, it took us that long to track down the thief. A woman on the cleaning staff disappeared at the same time - didn't show up for her shift, no one could get hold of her and when they checked, her apartment had been cleaned out and abandoned. Her details are on this disc. She was spotted at Tokyo Central Spaceport, travelling under a different name on a shuttle bound for Eros City."
"So?" Jin said with a shrug. "No one gets in there."
Kame leaned back to catch his partner's eye. "Think what time of year it is, Jin."
"Oh yeah..."
Ordinarily, settlements on Venus welcomed travellers with open arms. Once, Eros City had been of that number, flowing freely with tourists and natives alike, all of whom were keen to love and be loved on the shores of Lake Aphrodite. But three years ago, an unassuming, innocent-seeming tour group had embarked on a killing spree of horrific proportions, gunning down couples in the lush green parks, filling hot tubs with acid, even sabotaging the small, bright pink trains that ran round the city.
Four months of terror made the tourist industry take a nosedive, and even the locals were afraid to go outdoors. The killers never made any demands, nor bragged about their actions. No reason was ever given for the brutal slaughter of almost two thousand people.
After one spectacular train crash, the killing stopped as suddenly as it had begun, and speculation ran rife that those responsible had been onboard at the time. Slowly, things began to settle down, and life, which had been on hold for four months, resumed in Eros City.
But not quite the same as it used to be. With good reason, the city council was afraid, and without knowing what had prompted the murders, the councillors were terrified that it could all happen again one day.
So they closed the gates, put bars on the windows and figuratively buried their heads in the sand. Eros City was closed to travellers, and no one was allowed entry without a special permit. Goods came and went on unmanned trains, and even these were scanned at the point of entry to ensure that no unauthorised personnel slipped through the security net.
There was one exception, however. Every year, for the week containing Valentine's Day, Eros City was open to the public once more. Sort of. Security was still tight, and visitors had to pass an endless round of checks before they were allowed to set one foot outside the spaceport, but once they were cleared, they were able to board the train that took them inside the city itself. No ships could land at Eros City anymore - the closest spaceport was three hours by rail.
Visitors could arrive at any point during the week - and indeed, the checks took so long, on occasion, that it was preferred that the times be staggered - but with the exception of genuine emergencies (loss of life or limb only, please) no one was allowed out until the Sunday of that week, at which point all hell broke loose at the station. Everyone was packed onto the trains and checked back out again, sent off to the spaceport to board their respective ships or catch a shuttle.
"So we could get in," Jin said sullenly. "We'd be unarmed, without backup and even if we found the stupid photo we still couldn't get out until Sunday. And it's not our job, Pi!"
That last part, Yamapi couldn't dispute. "I know and I'm sorry, but do you have any idea what would happen if the news got out about the theft? I had to ask people I could trust, and," he turned on the charm and hoped like hell that his best friend was still susceptible, "you're the person I trust the most in the universe, Jin."
Kame cocked his head. "What about me?"
Yamapi was pretty sure Kame wasn't going to try to destroy the human race again, but that wasn't exactly the most convincing reason to trust him. "Uh...well...Jin tells you everything anyway, so..."
Kame nodded, and if his teeth were clenched a little tighter than they needed to be, no one noticed.
"Besides," Yamapi continued, "you'd stick out like Captain Nagase at a hen night if you tried to walk round Eros City by yourself. Only couples ever go there - so our thief probably has an accomplice. They won't be able to get out before Sunday - but you will. Once you have the picture, go to the station. That's the only place in the city now where you can make contact outside the walls. Call me on my private channel - I'll be docked at the spaceport - and I'll send a team to collect you."
"That's great," Jin drawled, "but what about us being unarmed and alone?"
"We're working on the unarmed part."
"And the alone part?"
Yamapi shook his head. "Sorry. No one can even know there's anything wrong, and if anyone marks you as military people are going to start asking questions. Eros City likes its security to be homegrown, and a couple of JE Fleet captains would attract all kinds of attention. The fewer people involved, the less chance of a leak.
"That's why you can't go in as yourselves. I assume you still have some working fake IDs that'll hold up under serious scrutiny?"
Jin snorted. "Obviously. It's not like Eros City really wants to let in a couple of ex-space pirates, either."
Yamapi was relieved that Jin at least sounded interested. There was a very major downside to being your best friend's commanding officer, in that trying to order him to do anything was an impossible mission in itself and he could usually wrap you round his little finger. He didn't want to have to order Jin to go, because the damage it would do to their friendship...
Kame seemed more than faintly interested. "Not to sound paranoid, but I'm not going in without a weapon."
"I said we were working on it. Arashi have been experimenting with cloaking technologies lately, trying to modify the equipment used on ships to come up with a personal shielding device."
"Figures that Nino would want to make himself invisible," Jin muttered under his breath.
"They haven't succeeded in building anything portable yet, which means they can't make anything invisible to the naked eye. However," Yamapi paused for dramatic effect, "they did come up with a little something to keep your guns off the scanners. Something to do with frequencies, I don't know. I fell asleep during the explanation."
Jin and Kame both owned heavily-customised blasters with a gene-locked trigger, provided specially for them by Arashi (Agency of Really Awesome Smart and Handsome Individuals) - military intelligence, disguised as a talent agency. MatsuJun, their always-fashionable weapons designer, had a knack for producing gadgets as dangerous as they were stylish.
Kame grasped the idea before Jin did. "Our blasters will be visible, but if we carry them concealed, the scanners won't pick them up?"
"Right!"
"So we can't shoot anyone without blowing our cover, then?"
"Right! Um..."
That was enough for Jin. "If they can get that far, then let Arashi do it! The Ohmiya team's perfect for this."
"The entire agency is busy right now," Yamapi said.
"What, all of them? Just tell them to put each other down for a minute and-"
"It's not like that," Yamapi protested. "They're being audited."
The two captains winced in unison.
"By civilian auditors," he added for emphasis.
They winced again. Auditing a military intelligence organisation by the standards of the talent agency they appeared to be...clearly, Arashi were going to have their hands full for a while.
"I suppose if we actually get to the point where we need to use a weapon, it won't be that important to keep our covers," Kame speculated.
"No, because the local security will shoot us on sight and only discover our identities afterwards."
"You don't have to be so negative about it, Jin."
Jin tightened his arms round Kame's waist. "Don't tell me you're considering doing this?"
Through an ingenious series of wriggles and an elbow or two applied in the right place, Kame freed himself from his partner's possessive embrace and slid off his lap to face him. "And why not? Jin, I haven't set foot on a planet for over two years, if you count the time I spent with the Fahgarlians - hell, I haven't even been off this ship in fifteen months except when I was rescuing you from that monstrous computer, and you can't count that as downtime. What's wrong with spending a week on Venus? We'll go to Earth afterwards."
"I don't like it," Jin said unhappily. "This is supposed to be our vacation and you want to work through it."
"You can have another week on the end to make up for it," Yamapi said. He could afford to be generous if it helped convince them to go.
"That's not the point, Pi! By tomorrow we were supposed to be relaxing together on Earth, not checking ourselves into some hotel on Venus looking for terrorists!"
"Jin-"
"We're not doing it and you can't make us!"
"Yes, he can," Kame pointed out. "He's our commanding officer."
"Maybe it's time for another change of career," Jin shot as he stormed out the door.
Yamapi shook his head wearily and wondered if he could possibly blackmail Jin into compliance using hidden video footage of him in a nurse's outfit.
Kame glowered at the bridge door. "We'll be in Jin's quarters. Give me one hour, then come find us."
Before Yamapi could reply, the other KAT-TUN captain had vanished, leaving him all alone. The trainees flooded back in seconds later, and Yamapi settled down to play a few hands of poker with them while he waited for Kame's hour to pass.
Forty-five minutes later...
To get Jin to agree to do something he didn't want to do, gentle coaxing worked much better than threats. Kame knew this well.
Which was why he was currently lying on his back in Jin's bed, absently stroking Jin's curls where they rested on his bare stomach. Content and sated, his argument with Yamapi all but forgotten, the elder of the two captains was happily sprawled underneath the top sheet, using Kame as a pillow.
Kame judged the time was right to bring up the subject of their new mission - now, when Jin was in no condition to argue. "I know it's not going to be easy, Jin, but it's no worse than any of the other odd tasks you've been asked to do. You're not afraid of a little risk, are you? Not the man who went alone to an alien warship to find me, or who teleported to a psychotic space station by himself to keep his crew out of danger?"
Jin's shoulders tensed. "It wasn't that I wasn't scared then," he said quietly. "But I couldn't *not* go. And that was on my own terms. This won't be. And...I don't want you to go."
"Why not?" Kame couldn't figure it out. "Worried I've forgotten how to handle myself on a planet?"
"Of course not. But you've just saved the lives of an awful lot of people, including me, and now you can go wherever you want, and...we're supposed to be, you know, doing things like walking hand-in-hand in the park and stuff, not going on a hunt for the most dangerous photograph in the universe."
"Sounds like you don't even want me in the military with you," Kame teased.
Jin pulled away from Kame's caresses and sat up so he could look his partner straight in the eye. "Kame, I know you. Your mimimum operating level is one hundred per cent, and before long you're giving up your holidays and going without sleep because you're too busy throwing yourself into work. At least when we weren't legally employed it wasn't so bad, but something like this..."
"You're worried I'll overwork myself?"
Jin nodded. "I don't want you to go somewhere I can't follow. I don't want our lives to be an endless round of bringing each other back to sanity for whatever reason."
Kame reached up to cup Jin's face with his hands and gave him a soft, chaste kiss on the lips. "I don't have plans for either of us to go insane any time soon."
"How about plans for us both getting killed? Because it seems to me that's the most likely scenario here, and I can't understand why you're all enthusiastic about it now when you were against it too."
Kame sighed, guiding Jin back down to his resting place so he didn't have to hide the guilt on his features. "Because I don't know if I'm ready to go back to Earth, Jin."
There was an awkward silence while Jin cursed himself mentally for managing to be understanding and sympathetic on completely the wrong issue.
Kame misinterpreted the silence as confusion - ordinarily, he'd have been right - and resumed his stroking of Jin's hair, threading the soft brown strands tenderly through his fingers. It wasn't like petting the daschund he'd had as a child back on Earth; touching Jin like this served to remind him just how beautiful his partner was.
Jin broke the quiet first, his voice hesitant. "Because you tried to destroy it?"
"Yeah." Kame licked his lips, which were drying out fast. It felt like all the moisture in the air had been stripped by the filters, and none of it had been cycled back in. "I was going the scenic route, but yeah, I was going to take Earth. And by that point, I was going to be the only living human being in the Sol System."
Jokes on the subject usually fell flat, but Jin felt it was his duty to attempt to lighten the atmosphere. "So compared to you, whoever took the photograph is an underachiever, right? They only wanted to blow up four buildings."
Kame jerked sharply, tugging at Jin's hair, though he only realised what he'd done when he heard the resulting whine. "Sorry. Reflex."
"It's okay."
Jin was well aware how raw Kame's nerves still were when it came to talking about his attempt to destroy the human race. It was hardly fit topic for friendly conversation, after all, and even now, Kame disliked looking from the viewscreen at the planets he'd once tried to wipe out. He might claim to be fine with going planet-side again, but he hadn't spent time with anyone outside the military since his rescue from the Fahngarlians and privately, Jin wasn't at all sure how Kame would deal with having his freedom restored to him.
Of course, he'd been counting on finding out for sure from the comfort of Tokyo, not the unfamiliar territory of Eros City.
"Four very large, important buildings, Jin. Somebody's trying to do some real damage to the Sol System's defenses. Isn't it worth taking a few risks to stop them?"
"If they know who the woman is, why don't they just send the Eros City security to search for her?" Jin grumbled. "The city's not *that* big. They can just make up a charge, there's no need to mention the photo."
Kame pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Yamapi might not have thought about that, but President Tsubasa would've. There must be another reason for sending us in."
"Because everyone else did the smart thing and refused to go?"
"I believe Yamapi when he says this is a secret. But don't you want to know what this is really about?"
Jin was lying at the wrong angle to see Kame, but judging by his voice there was no mistaking it: the mission had piqued Kame's interest. That meant they were going.
Less than a minute after Jin grudgingly admitted his defeat - he couldn't stand losing, even to Kame - Yamapi appeared in the doorway, optimism written all over his face.
Jin promptly scrambled to cover Kame with the sheet, accidentally revealing more of himself than he'd shown Yamapi in a good ten years, and yelled at his best friend to stop standing in the doorway so the doors could slide shut again. (It was unfortunate that the print locks on all fleet ships responded automatically to the hands of anyone ranked Commodore or higher, in addition to any authorised crew members.)
Yamapi grinned. He didn't deny that he enjoyed the view - particularly when Kame completely ignored Jin's efforts to preserve his modesty, stood up and started dressing, leaving his red-faced partner tangled in the sheets.
"I spent half a year living with an entire fleet of women," Kame reminded them as he threw on a light grey tanktop. "There's nothing you can possibly do to embarrass me now."
Jin groaned and snatched up his oversized plaid robe, making sure it was securely belted before he ventured to stand up. "You could have called, Pi! We might've been in the middle of something!"
"Kame told me to come by in an hour, and since I assumed he knew what he was talking about, here I am," Yamapi explained. "Did he manage to talk you into it?"
Jin played innocent. "Talk me into what?"
Kame handed him a suitcase. "I did and we're going. Get packing."
Yamapi shot Kame a look of gratitude and privately vowed to order him half a dozen new chairs and silk ties to match. Jin didn't look happy, but he didn't look like he wanted Yamapi dead, either, and that meant things were going to be okay between them. Or so he hoped.
He made arrangements with Kame while Jin was showering, ensuring that both parties had all the information they needed: details of the theft, plans for Eros City, contact frequencies and fake identities. Ensign Uchi teleported across with a package from Arashi - the last mail they'd been able to courier out before the auditors had arrived - and a snack for the commodore, who required feeding at regular intervals.
Finally, everything was set. A new course had been programmed into the autopilot, Kame was up to speed, and Jin...was out of the shower. Yamapi prepared to return to the Pin, which would be following the KAT-TUN to Venus with a day's lag. Before he called his flagship to have them teleport him back, he turned to face his friends.
"You owe us for this, Pi," Jin warned him. "I mean it. If anything happens to Kame I'm going to-"
Kame elbowed his partner in the ribs to make him shut up. "Worry about yourself instead," he advised. "If you go to Eros City looking like that, you're liable to find yourself being hit on by every living creature in sight and I might be too busy on our mission to defend your honour."
Jin's bathrobe, being tied very loosely, was slipping open to his navel and baring most of his shoulders. His hair, freshly released from its towel turban, curled dark, damp and delightful around his neck, letting tiny droplets of water trickle down his exposed skin. "I'll defend my own honour, thanks. Not that I can possibly have any left by now..."
Kame's smile reflected years of indulgence. "Don't be so sure of that."
"I'm sure you'll take care of each other," Yamapi said hurriedly before they could start trading flirtatious banter back and forth. There was one more thing he had to say to them before he left. "President Tsubasa gave me a message for you both."
"I knew it!" Kame felt vindicated in his earlier speculation. "What did he say?"
"Just...do it your own way."
"That's it?" Jin spluttered. "That's the entire message?"
Yamapi nodded. "It confused me too, but that's all he said. And it's not like anything could get lost in translation 'cause we were both speaking Japanese..."
Jin's eyes widened. "Maybe it's a code?"
Yamapi hastily signalled to Ensign Tegoshi to teleport him back to the Pin before Jin could rope him into a code-breaking session.