[JE] [FAIRY] Magic Spells and Turtle Shells
Title: Magic Spells and Turtle Shells
Fandom: JE (Mostly KAT-TUN)
Pairing: Kame/Junno
Rating: PG
Genre: AU fairytale fluff
Word count: 4,600
Disclaimer: Not mine, damnit
Summary: Kame is forced to live up to his name, but discovers that you don't have to be human to make a friend.
Author's Notes: This is for asinful, to whom, for reasons that completely escape me now, I promised Kame/Junno fic. I can only say that it seemed like a good idea at the time. I apologise for the woeful lack of puns, the characterisation of MatsuJun, and the sheer random dorkiness of it all.
Magic Spells and Turtle Shells
Kamenashi Kazuya didn't have many regrets in his life, but one of the major ones was that his surname wasn't something with a little more dash to it. Perhaps if he'd been born into the Shiratora family, he wouldn't have turned into a slow, muddy-green turtle when the (beautiful but greatly feared) Wizard Matsumoto declared that as he was such an eyesore hanging around the court, he might as well be 'kame' in form as well as nickname.
Still, Kame reflected, it could be worse. Matsumoto could've turned him into a pear.
And if that had been the case, he couldn't have crawled away in shame, not wanting anyone to see him when he was so ugly. Kame had been the most fashionable noble in Prince Jin's entourage, always exquisitely - and sometimes eccentrically - dressed, and ever since his mother had bought him a spell to fix up his eyebrows, he'd had no shortage of admirers.
Wizard Matsumoto hadn't been one of them. When he'd caught Kame having a rare moment of solitude in the palace gardens (while Prince Jin and Lord Ueda were busy chasing butterflies), he'd taken the opportunity to remove his rival in the fashionista stakes once and for all.
Kame knew there was no chance that Matsumoto would consent to undo the spell. The wizard had laughed villainously, conjured up a small storm and flown away in the centre of a tornado, but not before showing Kame the note he'd written. It was addressed to Prince Jin, explaining that Kame had run away to Europe to study fashion because he felt hopelessly inadequate next to Matsumoto and couldn't possibly remain part of the prince's entourage while he was at such a low level.
Not a likely story, perhaps, but Kame didn't doubt that his friends and family would buy it. Not when it was in a perfect copy of his handwriting, with his signature only too clear at the end.
So he'd left, thinking only of getting away before the wizard returned and did something even worse, like adding bright pink ruffles to his shell, or perhaps giving him yellow polka dots all over to ensure that he'd never let anyone see him again. The shame would kill him.
Turtles not being the fastest of creatures, however, Kame didn't make it very far out of the palace gardens. In fact, he only managed to crawl into the next garden along, moving himself from the roses to the koi pond before he had to take a break.
What was Kame to do? He knew the usual way to break a transformation spell, of course. Everyone did. If you got turned into something cute enough to attract a kiss from a prince, you'd change back. Unfortunately, the only way to get Jin to kiss a turtle would be if Kame ambushed him while he was sleeping.
And turtles were not particularly well designed to carry out ambushes.
Kame flopped down on the grass, resisted the temptation to roll over on his back in case he couldn't get up again, and heaved a sigh worthy of a creature six times his size.
Down in the pond, the koi were not amused. "You can't hang around here," one obnoxiously bright one said. "You'll scare off all the people who come to look at us!"
"So ugly," another one said. "Begone from our pond, foul creature!"
Kame was so surprised to hear the fish talk that he responded immediately, not stopping to consider whether or not he still had the ability. "I have just as much right to be here as you!"
A gasp from above made him crane his neck to look up. It was Junno, the happy-go-lucky gardener, a cheerful blond who was never without a smile on his face. Only now, the smile was sort of awestruck, and it was aimed directly at Kame.
"Did you just say something?" he asked excitedly.
Kame retreated as fast as he could manage - which wasn't very fast at all - when Junno dropped to lie flat on the grass. He didn't reply, though. He wasn't sure he was ready to tell anyone what had happened to him, to admit that he had become such an ugly creature.
For one thing, it was unlikely that telling Junno would do him much good. A mere gardener would never get in to see the prince, and the palace guards would turn him away, no matter how hard Kame tried to convince them that he really was an enchanted noble.
And for another...nobles were supposed to have cute little crushes on the prince, or other unattainable folk - not the hired help. Kame had never told anyone just how often he'd lost at cards to Jin because he'd been distracted watching the tall, lightly-built blond at work in the gardens, trimming the hedges under the hot sun. He was no more a natural blond than Kame was a natural redhead, of course, but Kame didn't care about the colour so much as the thought of running his fingers through the shoulder-length strands.
Not that he had any fingers right now. But Junno did, and he was extending them towards Kame.
"I guess I was just imagining things," he said sadly. "Real turtles can't talk." Sighing, he ran a hand over Kame's shell.
Kame took one look at the disappointment in Junno's eyes and made up his mind. "This one can," he said.
Junno's gaze flicked from side to side - looking for hidden speakers, Kame presumed - and settled back on the turtle before him. "You *are* real, aren't you?"
It was a shame turtles couldn't offer reassuring smiles; Kame settled for craning his neck at what he hoped was a pleasing angle. "Don't I look real?"
"I don't know, I've never seen a proper talking turtle before." Junno frowned for a moment. "You sound really familiar, though. What's your name?"
Kame only had a split second to decide whether or not he wanted to reveal his identity, and opted to keep it concealed. For now, at least. He tried to pitch his voice deeper, ending up with a sort of low and lazy drawl that bordered on "husky", and said, "I don't have one. Any suggestions?"
"Kame."
"What?"
"You're a turtle, so you'll be 'Kame'."
So much for that idea. "If you say so," Kame agreed.
"You're not a tortoise, are you?" Junno said worriedly. "Because I always get those two mixed up."
"No, Junno, I'm a turtle."
"You know who I am?"
Oops. Turtles couldn't really pull off embarrassed laughs, but Kame tried anyway and said, "I live in the gardens - it's in my best interests to know, isn't it?"
Junno just grinned at him, like he couldn't believe he'd found an actual talking turtle and boy, wasn't he the lucky one. (The koi had no interest in talking to humans, and in any case, most of their conversation took place underwater, so it wasn't as if talking creatures were commonplace.)
"Why didn't you sa-" The gardener's speech was rudely interrupted by a call from his superior, the head gardener, who also happened to be his father. "Coming!" he yelled back, and rose to his knees.
"You have grass stains on your shirt," Kame pointed out.
Junno looked down at his front and shrugged. "He'll just think I've been taking a nap again. I'll come back and talk to you later, okay?"
With a final pat of Kame's shell, he raced off towards the orchard. Kame ignored the heckling of the koi and settled down to take a nap. Turtles just weren't meant to lead such high-stress lives.
-----
By the second time Junno came to visit, Kame had found himself a nice sheltered nook under a cherry tree, away from the koi (who had been much nicer to look at when he was human-sized) and perfectly positioned to catch the afternoon sun. On the one hand, Kame no longer had to worry about what he was going to wear everyday, because there was no variety in his wardrobe anymore. On the other hand, winter was going to be a real nuisance when it arrived.
Junno didn't see him at first. The cheerful young gardener let his rake fall carelessly to the ground, then snatched it up in a rush. "Kame?" he said quietly. "Are you still here? I didn't hit you, did I?"
Kame reluctantly crawled out from his resting place, but the moment he saw who was responsible for interrupting his afternoon nap, he put on as much speed as he could muster...which wasn't much. Still, he made it out from under the tree before Junno could leave, so his visitor threw himself down on the grass and propped his head up on his arms.
"Found you!"
"You did," Kame agreed. There was an awkward pause while he tried to figure out a suitable topic for a turtle to bring up to his secret crush - something less blatant than, "So hey, are you single?" "Uh..."
Junno was typically oblivious. "Guess what?" he said. "One of the prince's friends has disappeared!"
"Tat-chan finally ran off and joined a rock band?"
"Huh? Lord Ueda's still here - I just took him some flowers for his piano."
Kame tried again. "Ohno eloped with the chef?"
"I...don't think so...but he does seem to spend an awful lot of time in the palace kitchens. I hear the chef's new curry recipe makes him really hot under the collar."
Ever since Ninomiya Kazunari had been hired at the palace, Kame had made a point of only showing up between meals. It was safer for his digestive system. At least now his only concern was that the prank-loving head chef might turn him into turtle soup.
"I give up," Kame said playfully. "You'll have to tell me who's missing."
He was expecting to hear about himself, of course. Perhaps they really hadn't bought Matsumoto's note about him running off to Europe, and they were all worried sick about him right now.
"Wizard Matsumoto! No one's seen him for days, and the prince has been personally checking every boutique in the kingdom."
Kame bit back a curse - *he* was Prince Jin's usual shopping partner, and under normal circumstances would've happily worked his way through every fashionable haunt in the realm in search of gorgeous clothing and accessories...and possibly even the missing wizard, if he bothered to spare him a thought. Matsumoto was probably on the catwalk in some other country, keeping a low(ish) profile for the time being.
"Maybe he should check the discount clothing stores," Kame said venomously, then checked behind him to make sure the wizard wasn't hiding in the bushes somewhere.
Junno took him seriously. "Do you really think he'd be there?"
"Well..." Kame considered it. "Why not? It would be the last place anyone would look. You hear a lot of the gossip round the palace?"
Junno cocked his head slightly. "Sometimes. People say all sorts of things when they don't realise I'm listening - no one pays attention to the gardener, you know? Except one of the prince's friends. He always smiles at me when I see him. But he's gone away to Europe now, and I don't know when he'll be back." This last was said with a mournful air, quite unlike Junno's usual good cheer.
Kame toddled forwards to put himself within easy reach for petting; Junno took him up on it, unfolding his arms along the ground so that the turtle could crawl between them.
He didn't get to stay there for long, however. The head gardener bellowed so loudly for his son that half the sakura petals on Kame's favourite tree fell off the branches, and Junno ran off towards the rose gardens.
-----
There were many more visits after that, and while they were always short, they were both pleasant and informative. Every time the subject of Kame's origins came up, he artfully managed to turn the conversation on its head, learning all sorts of things he hadn't known about Junno.
For instance, in addition to being a whiz with a pair of shears, the young gardener was also a keen billiards player and naturally talented at any game he could get his hands on. He was acrobatically skilled - a fact he demonstrated so adeptly that Kame wasn't the slightest bit worried when Junno appeared to be about to fall headfirst from a tree - and while he wasn't the most perceptive of men, when he misread the atmosphere and said something inappropriate to the situation, it was never out of malice.
For Junno had a heart as big as the old oak tree, and far easier for one tiny turtle to reach.
Kame grew lazy in the gardens, sometimes wondering, in those odd occasions between visits and naps, how his old life was getting on without him. Did anyone grow suspicious that they hadn't heard from him yet, or did they merely think he was so busy throwing himself into his studies - or possibly, parties - that contact had slipped his mind?
It was a shock to realise that he'd been a turtle for two months now. He hadn't known until Junno told him, one quiet afternoon, that Lord Kamenashi had been away for that long, and no one had received so much as a postcard.
It was the fond sadness in his voice that made Kame think perhaps his secret crush hadn't been so horribly one-sided after all.
"I miss his smile," Junno said, back against the bark, with Kame resting in his lap. "It was always a little sad when he looked at me, though. Do you think maybe he felt sorry for me?"
Kame tried to recall exactly how he'd smiled while watching Junno toil away in the gardens, but the first thing that sprang to mind was the occasional leer he'd produced when the gardener had discarded his shirt under the hot sun, and there was no way anyone could have misinterpreted that particular expression as 'sad'.
"Sorry for you?" Kame said at last. "Maybe a little bit. Or maybe...he was sad because he wanted to talk to you and he couldn't."
"But he could've talked to me any time he wanted," Junno pointed out. "If I was too busy with work to chat, I'd have told him so."
"That's true, but..." Kame tried to figure out how to explain that nobles were not supposed to engage in casual chit-chat with servants, much less ask them out to dinner, and settled on, "It might have been difficult for him to approach you when he was with his friends."
"Then he could've found me when he was alone. If he'd wanted to, that is."
"I'm...uh...not sure how much free time Lord Kamenashi actually had..."
Most of Kame's waking hours had been spent with his friends - some of his sleeping hours, too, when they'd all been drinking and awoken in one big heap on the floor of some bar, with Prince Jin's miniature bodyguard, Chinen, frowning up at them. He hadn't had that much time to himself since his parents had first taken him to play with the prince, and adolescent games of baseball and soccer had given way to more adult pursuits: namely, driving (only fast cars), drinking (only to excess), dancing (only in the best clubs) and chasing skirt (not fussy about the gender of the person wearing it).
But if he'd really wanted to, he could've made time, he supposed. If he'd had any idea of what to say.
"He was probably busy studying fashion, if he was serious enough about it to go abroad," Junno decided.
"I...uh, *he* was not!" Kame spluttered, forgetting to keep his voice disguised.
Junno was so startled, he almost knocked Kame off his lap. "Your voice!"
Kame coughed loudly. "I...have a frog in my throat."
"Wouldn't that make you a cannibal?"
"I'm a reptile, not an amphibian."
Junno didn't look convinced, but before Kame could launch into a lecture on turtles, a familiar foghorn of a voice rang through the trees and Junno leapt up to go.
"I'll come back tomorrow, okay?" he promised.
"Wait!" Kame tried to hurry after him, but turtles just weren't built for that sort of speed. "Do you always have to run away the moment your father calls? Can't he wait five minutes?"
"I can't stay!" Junno sounded desperate now. "I have to go to him. If I don't..."
He took off at top speed, leaving Kame baffled; he settled down to mull it over. The head gardener, he remembered, was a fearsome-looking man, with a long, bushy beard, slightly pointy ears, and teeth that could've bitten through a brick wall - a man who bore no resemblance whatsoever to his son. Could Junno be adopted? Or was he in thrall? Was that why he was so slavishly obedient whenever the old man called?
-----
The next day, Kame resolved to find out for himself what was really going on in the palace gardens - other than Viscount Aiba conducting bizarre experiments on fish, anyway. There was no possible way he could follow Junno when he ran, and he certainly couldn't hold him still, so he had to attack the problem from the other end.
He found the head gardener in the rose garden, pruning a particularly thorny bush. Having passed Junno on his slow crawl through the gardens, he knew the younger gardener was busy tending the apple trees. He normally came to visit Kame on his lunchbreak, which was just about due, and Kame hoped that when Junno didn't find him in his usual spot, he wouldn't waste too much time looking for him.
Sure enough, a short while later the old man bellowed, the power of his voice shearing a few rose heads from their positions. Kame crept closer, following him into the centre of a gnarled ring of bushes that hid him neatly from the outside world. Junno appeared before long. He looked upset and didn't notice Kame at all, concealed, as he was, beneath the tangles.
"You're leaving it later and later," the head gardener rasped. "I should leave you to fend for yourself for a day - that'll teach you to be on time, boy!"
"I'm truly sorry!" Junno bowed apologetically. "I was looking for my friend, and-"
"Friend?" The old man's laugh was wheezy, rusty, like he didn't use it much. "I told you when we came here, boy, that friends were a luxury you couldn't afford. What if the spell breaks down when you're with them, hmm? What if you change back before their eyes? What will your friends think of you then?"
"I'm sorry," Junno said miserably. "But he's different! I think he might be like me-"
He suddenly doubled over, clutching his stomach as he fell to the ground, giving Kame a good look at his agonised face which was turning...green? Underneath the stained white T-shirt, his back stiffened, a hard outline pushing the fabric to breaking point.
"All right, boy, all right." The head gardener, who clearly was *not* Junno's father, was unexpectedly kind. He placed one hand on Junno's head, which began to glow with a cool blue light, and Junno's pained contortions ground to a halt. "I wouldn't really leave you like this. You're all the family I've got now, and if I were only a strong enough wizard to break the spell completely, I'd do it. But I don't know where that Matsumoto's gone, and I can't study his techniques till he's found.
"I'm sorry, son. But you have to be careful. If anyone finds out who you really are, we'll have to leave, and there's no telling when we'll get close to another wizard with that much power again."
Junno lay on the ground, panting heavily. "It's...all right, father. I won't take risks anymore. I'll come back when I feel your counterspell wearing thin, like I used to, and not wait for you to call me. I promise."
"You do that." The old man ruffled Junno's hair and exited the ring of rosebushes.
Junno rolled over onto his side...and found himself face to face with Kame.
"You're not from around here, are you?"
-----
As Kame had correctly surmised, Junno was not a local boy. The head gardener, who was a low-born human wizard with a strain of elf-blood, had found him as a small child, crying in the ruins of his family's castle. Junno's parents, rulers of a far-off kingdom, had been murdered by bandits seeking loot, and just for fun, one of their number, a rogue elf, had bespelled the boy on his way out.
So the old man hadn't exactly found him as a small child. He'd found a talking turtle, wailing over the loss of his family and confused by his sudden change of form.
"He did his best to change me back once he realised what happened," Junno said. He was still curled up in the ring of bushes, speaking quietly enough that only Kame could hear him. "But his magic wasn't strong enough. The counterspell needs recharging every six hours, and it wears him down, so I stay a turtle at night to give him a break. That's why I had to keep running away - he can tell when it's about to go, so if I'm not there he calls me.
"We've been looking for someone to remove the spell for good, but the elves won't talk to us because of his mixed heritage, and the only human wizard we've found with enough power is Matsumoto...and he's not here."
"If you hadn't said the man responsible was an elf, I'd suspect Matsumoto of being the one who cast your spell in the first place," Kame said grimly. "I can see why you were so excited to meet me. Another talking turtle."
"You're really human as well, aren't you?"
Being a turtle, Kame couldn't all very well look sheepish, but he gave it his best shot. "I...yeah. I am. Wizard Matsumoto turned me into a turtle because he was jealous of my fashion sense."
Junno pulled himself into a sitting position and picked Kame up, lifting him to eye level. "Lord Kamenashi, right?"
Kame flailed in mid-air, waving his tiny limbs around. "If you knew, why didn't you say something?"
"I didn't until your voice slipped yesterday, and then...because..." Junno looked uncomfortable. "Because then you'd leave. I'm just a gardener, working here while my father looks for a way to break the spell. You're a noble. Your parents are nobles, all your friends are nobles. You can't be my friend anymore."
"Who says?" Kame demanded to know, using his own voice now. "And your parents were royalty, so that makes your blood just as good as mine - better, even. You're a...why, you're a prince!"
"A prince without a kingdom."
"It still counts!" Kame had an idea, of the kind that strikes once in a lifetime - if you're lucky. But he needed to be human again first. "Junno, kiss me."
"Uh...it's not like I've never thought about kissing you - in human form - but I don't know..."
"Just kiss me," Kame commanded. "If I become human again you're a legitimate prince and you can be friends with anyone you damned well please. If I don't...then we're both going to be a bit embarrassed but I think we can probably laugh it off so long as there are no witnesses."
"All right."
"Just put me down fi-"
Too late. Junno screwed up his eyes, leaned forwards and placed a dainty kiss on Kame's shell. The reaction was immediate. One second, a small turtle was being held mid-air.
The next, a skinny young man with dyed coppery hair and too many sharp angles was straddling Junno, propped up only by the gardener's hands round his sides. Poor Junno had the breath knocked right out of him, but he tried to scramble out from beneath Kame due to sheer embarrassment.
"It worked!" Kame exclaimed. "It actually worked!" He grabbed Junno round the shoulders and hugged him gleefully, ignoring the awkward position.
"And I'd better get back to work too," Junno said, but he stopped trying to disentangle himself after his efforts proved futile. Kame was a lot stronger than he looked.
"You're coming with me," Kame said firmly. "No more work today. We're going straight to Jin to tell him everything."
Junno spoke down to the ground. "I'm sure he'll be very happy to have you back again."
"That's not the point. Come on." Kame rose to his feet, hauling Junno after him. "We go talk to the prince, tell him what Matsumoto did to me, and ask for his help in finding him. Matsumoto breaks your spell, you stay human for good, we all live happily ever after."
"But they've already been looking for him, I told you!"
"Yes, but," Kame paused a moment to smirk, "Jin doesn't plan very well. What we need to do is use Lord Ohno, Viscount Aiba, Chancellor Sakurai and the head chef Ninomiya as bait - he's crazy about all of them. We lure him in, bribe him with designer goods and raid his spellbooks. What?"
Junno was just standing there, a dazed smile spreading across his face. "You don't slow down at all, do you, Lord Kamenashi?"
"Kame," Kame said. "And I've got two months of being slow to make up for. Do you know how many fashion shows I've missed?"
But Kame wasn't really concerned about his wardrobe, even if it would be horribly out of date by now, and he'd returned to human form in the same charcoal slacks and white shirt he'd been wearing last. If he stopped talking - if he stopped moving - he'd have time to think, time to worry and wonder what to do now. Having a plan gave him something to focus on, made him feel in control of himself again.
Because clearly, Junno's situation required someone forward-thinking to take charge, to make sure that everything got sorted, and it was obvious that his adoptive father wasn't up to the task. Kame was more than happy to take on the responsibility himself...if Junno wanted him to, at any rate.
"Even if you weren't a prince by blood, I'd have known you for one," Kame said softly. He let the smirk gentle around the edges, allowing it to be replaced by a sweet, heartfelt smile, of the kind he hoped Junno had missed.
"Do turtles come with a pedigree?"
"You're not going to be a turtle for much longer," Kame vowed. "We'll find a way. And when we do..."
Junno was holding his breath. Kame could tell, when he approached him to see lips stern and straight, muscles held taut. He laughed to break the tension, prompting an answering laugh of relief from Junno, then leaned in to kiss him long and quite thoroughly. No shells involved, this time, though there may have been a little tongue.
"Because I can't change back," Kame said, "and while I'm sure you're delightful to talk to as a turtle, there are other things I'd rather be doing at night."
Junno grinned. "But you're always a turtle, right? Kame is 'kame'."
"You..."
Walking through the rose garden a half-hour later, Prince Jin peered into the bushes to discover his absent friend not only returned from Europe, but having a tickle-fight with the gardener. Despite the risk to his sensitive collarbones, he contemplated joining in, but when laughter turned to sounds of a far less innocent nature, though equally joyful, he opted to keep his distance.
Besides, he was late for his own illicit rendezvous with Court Jester Yoko.
Fandom: JE (Mostly KAT-TUN)
Pairing: Kame/Junno
Rating: PG
Genre: AU fairytale fluff
Word count: 4,600
Disclaimer: Not mine, damnit
Summary: Kame is forced to live up to his name, but discovers that you don't have to be human to make a friend.
Author's Notes: This is for asinful, to whom, for reasons that completely escape me now, I promised Kame/Junno fic. I can only say that it seemed like a good idea at the time. I apologise for the woeful lack of puns, the characterisation of MatsuJun, and the sheer random dorkiness of it all.
Magic Spells and Turtle Shells
Kamenashi Kazuya didn't have many regrets in his life, but one of the major ones was that his surname wasn't something with a little more dash to it. Perhaps if he'd been born into the Shiratora family, he wouldn't have turned into a slow, muddy-green turtle when the (beautiful but greatly feared) Wizard Matsumoto declared that as he was such an eyesore hanging around the court, he might as well be 'kame' in form as well as nickname.
Still, Kame reflected, it could be worse. Matsumoto could've turned him into a pear.
And if that had been the case, he couldn't have crawled away in shame, not wanting anyone to see him when he was so ugly. Kame had been the most fashionable noble in Prince Jin's entourage, always exquisitely - and sometimes eccentrically - dressed, and ever since his mother had bought him a spell to fix up his eyebrows, he'd had no shortage of admirers.
Wizard Matsumoto hadn't been one of them. When he'd caught Kame having a rare moment of solitude in the palace gardens (while Prince Jin and Lord Ueda were busy chasing butterflies), he'd taken the opportunity to remove his rival in the fashionista stakes once and for all.
Kame knew there was no chance that Matsumoto would consent to undo the spell. The wizard had laughed villainously, conjured up a small storm and flown away in the centre of a tornado, but not before showing Kame the note he'd written. It was addressed to Prince Jin, explaining that Kame had run away to Europe to study fashion because he felt hopelessly inadequate next to Matsumoto and couldn't possibly remain part of the prince's entourage while he was at such a low level.
Not a likely story, perhaps, but Kame didn't doubt that his friends and family would buy it. Not when it was in a perfect copy of his handwriting, with his signature only too clear at the end.
So he'd left, thinking only of getting away before the wizard returned and did something even worse, like adding bright pink ruffles to his shell, or perhaps giving him yellow polka dots all over to ensure that he'd never let anyone see him again. The shame would kill him.
Turtles not being the fastest of creatures, however, Kame didn't make it very far out of the palace gardens. In fact, he only managed to crawl into the next garden along, moving himself from the roses to the koi pond before he had to take a break.
What was Kame to do? He knew the usual way to break a transformation spell, of course. Everyone did. If you got turned into something cute enough to attract a kiss from a prince, you'd change back. Unfortunately, the only way to get Jin to kiss a turtle would be if Kame ambushed him while he was sleeping.
And turtles were not particularly well designed to carry out ambushes.
Kame flopped down on the grass, resisted the temptation to roll over on his back in case he couldn't get up again, and heaved a sigh worthy of a creature six times his size.
Down in the pond, the koi were not amused. "You can't hang around here," one obnoxiously bright one said. "You'll scare off all the people who come to look at us!"
"So ugly," another one said. "Begone from our pond, foul creature!"
Kame was so surprised to hear the fish talk that he responded immediately, not stopping to consider whether or not he still had the ability. "I have just as much right to be here as you!"
A gasp from above made him crane his neck to look up. It was Junno, the happy-go-lucky gardener, a cheerful blond who was never without a smile on his face. Only now, the smile was sort of awestruck, and it was aimed directly at Kame.
"Did you just say something?" he asked excitedly.
Kame retreated as fast as he could manage - which wasn't very fast at all - when Junno dropped to lie flat on the grass. He didn't reply, though. He wasn't sure he was ready to tell anyone what had happened to him, to admit that he had become such an ugly creature.
For one thing, it was unlikely that telling Junno would do him much good. A mere gardener would never get in to see the prince, and the palace guards would turn him away, no matter how hard Kame tried to convince them that he really was an enchanted noble.
And for another...nobles were supposed to have cute little crushes on the prince, or other unattainable folk - not the hired help. Kame had never told anyone just how often he'd lost at cards to Jin because he'd been distracted watching the tall, lightly-built blond at work in the gardens, trimming the hedges under the hot sun. He was no more a natural blond than Kame was a natural redhead, of course, but Kame didn't care about the colour so much as the thought of running his fingers through the shoulder-length strands.
Not that he had any fingers right now. But Junno did, and he was extending them towards Kame.
"I guess I was just imagining things," he said sadly. "Real turtles can't talk." Sighing, he ran a hand over Kame's shell.
Kame took one look at the disappointment in Junno's eyes and made up his mind. "This one can," he said.
Junno's gaze flicked from side to side - looking for hidden speakers, Kame presumed - and settled back on the turtle before him. "You *are* real, aren't you?"
It was a shame turtles couldn't offer reassuring smiles; Kame settled for craning his neck at what he hoped was a pleasing angle. "Don't I look real?"
"I don't know, I've never seen a proper talking turtle before." Junno frowned for a moment. "You sound really familiar, though. What's your name?"
Kame only had a split second to decide whether or not he wanted to reveal his identity, and opted to keep it concealed. For now, at least. He tried to pitch his voice deeper, ending up with a sort of low and lazy drawl that bordered on "husky", and said, "I don't have one. Any suggestions?"
"Kame."
"What?"
"You're a turtle, so you'll be 'Kame'."
So much for that idea. "If you say so," Kame agreed.
"You're not a tortoise, are you?" Junno said worriedly. "Because I always get those two mixed up."
"No, Junno, I'm a turtle."
"You know who I am?"
Oops. Turtles couldn't really pull off embarrassed laughs, but Kame tried anyway and said, "I live in the gardens - it's in my best interests to know, isn't it?"
Junno just grinned at him, like he couldn't believe he'd found an actual talking turtle and boy, wasn't he the lucky one. (The koi had no interest in talking to humans, and in any case, most of their conversation took place underwater, so it wasn't as if talking creatures were commonplace.)
"Why didn't you sa-" The gardener's speech was rudely interrupted by a call from his superior, the head gardener, who also happened to be his father. "Coming!" he yelled back, and rose to his knees.
"You have grass stains on your shirt," Kame pointed out.
Junno looked down at his front and shrugged. "He'll just think I've been taking a nap again. I'll come back and talk to you later, okay?"
With a final pat of Kame's shell, he raced off towards the orchard. Kame ignored the heckling of the koi and settled down to take a nap. Turtles just weren't meant to lead such high-stress lives.
-----
By the second time Junno came to visit, Kame had found himself a nice sheltered nook under a cherry tree, away from the koi (who had been much nicer to look at when he was human-sized) and perfectly positioned to catch the afternoon sun. On the one hand, Kame no longer had to worry about what he was going to wear everyday, because there was no variety in his wardrobe anymore. On the other hand, winter was going to be a real nuisance when it arrived.
Junno didn't see him at first. The cheerful young gardener let his rake fall carelessly to the ground, then snatched it up in a rush. "Kame?" he said quietly. "Are you still here? I didn't hit you, did I?"
Kame reluctantly crawled out from his resting place, but the moment he saw who was responsible for interrupting his afternoon nap, he put on as much speed as he could muster...which wasn't much. Still, he made it out from under the tree before Junno could leave, so his visitor threw himself down on the grass and propped his head up on his arms.
"Found you!"
"You did," Kame agreed. There was an awkward pause while he tried to figure out a suitable topic for a turtle to bring up to his secret crush - something less blatant than, "So hey, are you single?" "Uh..."
Junno was typically oblivious. "Guess what?" he said. "One of the prince's friends has disappeared!"
"Tat-chan finally ran off and joined a rock band?"
"Huh? Lord Ueda's still here - I just took him some flowers for his piano."
Kame tried again. "Ohno eloped with the chef?"
"I...don't think so...but he does seem to spend an awful lot of time in the palace kitchens. I hear the chef's new curry recipe makes him really hot under the collar."
Ever since Ninomiya Kazunari had been hired at the palace, Kame had made a point of only showing up between meals. It was safer for his digestive system. At least now his only concern was that the prank-loving head chef might turn him into turtle soup.
"I give up," Kame said playfully. "You'll have to tell me who's missing."
He was expecting to hear about himself, of course. Perhaps they really hadn't bought Matsumoto's note about him running off to Europe, and they were all worried sick about him right now.
"Wizard Matsumoto! No one's seen him for days, and the prince has been personally checking every boutique in the kingdom."
Kame bit back a curse - *he* was Prince Jin's usual shopping partner, and under normal circumstances would've happily worked his way through every fashionable haunt in the realm in search of gorgeous clothing and accessories...and possibly even the missing wizard, if he bothered to spare him a thought. Matsumoto was probably on the catwalk in some other country, keeping a low(ish) profile for the time being.
"Maybe he should check the discount clothing stores," Kame said venomously, then checked behind him to make sure the wizard wasn't hiding in the bushes somewhere.
Junno took him seriously. "Do you really think he'd be there?"
"Well..." Kame considered it. "Why not? It would be the last place anyone would look. You hear a lot of the gossip round the palace?"
Junno cocked his head slightly. "Sometimes. People say all sorts of things when they don't realise I'm listening - no one pays attention to the gardener, you know? Except one of the prince's friends. He always smiles at me when I see him. But he's gone away to Europe now, and I don't know when he'll be back." This last was said with a mournful air, quite unlike Junno's usual good cheer.
Kame toddled forwards to put himself within easy reach for petting; Junno took him up on it, unfolding his arms along the ground so that the turtle could crawl between them.
He didn't get to stay there for long, however. The head gardener bellowed so loudly for his son that half the sakura petals on Kame's favourite tree fell off the branches, and Junno ran off towards the rose gardens.
-----
There were many more visits after that, and while they were always short, they were both pleasant and informative. Every time the subject of Kame's origins came up, he artfully managed to turn the conversation on its head, learning all sorts of things he hadn't known about Junno.
For instance, in addition to being a whiz with a pair of shears, the young gardener was also a keen billiards player and naturally talented at any game he could get his hands on. He was acrobatically skilled - a fact he demonstrated so adeptly that Kame wasn't the slightest bit worried when Junno appeared to be about to fall headfirst from a tree - and while he wasn't the most perceptive of men, when he misread the atmosphere and said something inappropriate to the situation, it was never out of malice.
For Junno had a heart as big as the old oak tree, and far easier for one tiny turtle to reach.
Kame grew lazy in the gardens, sometimes wondering, in those odd occasions between visits and naps, how his old life was getting on without him. Did anyone grow suspicious that they hadn't heard from him yet, or did they merely think he was so busy throwing himself into his studies - or possibly, parties - that contact had slipped his mind?
It was a shock to realise that he'd been a turtle for two months now. He hadn't known until Junno told him, one quiet afternoon, that Lord Kamenashi had been away for that long, and no one had received so much as a postcard.
It was the fond sadness in his voice that made Kame think perhaps his secret crush hadn't been so horribly one-sided after all.
"I miss his smile," Junno said, back against the bark, with Kame resting in his lap. "It was always a little sad when he looked at me, though. Do you think maybe he felt sorry for me?"
Kame tried to recall exactly how he'd smiled while watching Junno toil away in the gardens, but the first thing that sprang to mind was the occasional leer he'd produced when the gardener had discarded his shirt under the hot sun, and there was no way anyone could have misinterpreted that particular expression as 'sad'.
"Sorry for you?" Kame said at last. "Maybe a little bit. Or maybe...he was sad because he wanted to talk to you and he couldn't."
"But he could've talked to me any time he wanted," Junno pointed out. "If I was too busy with work to chat, I'd have told him so."
"That's true, but..." Kame tried to figure out how to explain that nobles were not supposed to engage in casual chit-chat with servants, much less ask them out to dinner, and settled on, "It might have been difficult for him to approach you when he was with his friends."
"Then he could've found me when he was alone. If he'd wanted to, that is."
"I'm...uh...not sure how much free time Lord Kamenashi actually had..."
Most of Kame's waking hours had been spent with his friends - some of his sleeping hours, too, when they'd all been drinking and awoken in one big heap on the floor of some bar, with Prince Jin's miniature bodyguard, Chinen, frowning up at them. He hadn't had that much time to himself since his parents had first taken him to play with the prince, and adolescent games of baseball and soccer had given way to more adult pursuits: namely, driving (only fast cars), drinking (only to excess), dancing (only in the best clubs) and chasing skirt (not fussy about the gender of the person wearing it).
But if he'd really wanted to, he could've made time, he supposed. If he'd had any idea of what to say.
"He was probably busy studying fashion, if he was serious enough about it to go abroad," Junno decided.
"I...uh, *he* was not!" Kame spluttered, forgetting to keep his voice disguised.
Junno was so startled, he almost knocked Kame off his lap. "Your voice!"
Kame coughed loudly. "I...have a frog in my throat."
"Wouldn't that make you a cannibal?"
"I'm a reptile, not an amphibian."
Junno didn't look convinced, but before Kame could launch into a lecture on turtles, a familiar foghorn of a voice rang through the trees and Junno leapt up to go.
"I'll come back tomorrow, okay?" he promised.
"Wait!" Kame tried to hurry after him, but turtles just weren't built for that sort of speed. "Do you always have to run away the moment your father calls? Can't he wait five minutes?"
"I can't stay!" Junno sounded desperate now. "I have to go to him. If I don't..."
He took off at top speed, leaving Kame baffled; he settled down to mull it over. The head gardener, he remembered, was a fearsome-looking man, with a long, bushy beard, slightly pointy ears, and teeth that could've bitten through a brick wall - a man who bore no resemblance whatsoever to his son. Could Junno be adopted? Or was he in thrall? Was that why he was so slavishly obedient whenever the old man called?
-----
The next day, Kame resolved to find out for himself what was really going on in the palace gardens - other than Viscount Aiba conducting bizarre experiments on fish, anyway. There was no possible way he could follow Junno when he ran, and he certainly couldn't hold him still, so he had to attack the problem from the other end.
He found the head gardener in the rose garden, pruning a particularly thorny bush. Having passed Junno on his slow crawl through the gardens, he knew the younger gardener was busy tending the apple trees. He normally came to visit Kame on his lunchbreak, which was just about due, and Kame hoped that when Junno didn't find him in his usual spot, he wouldn't waste too much time looking for him.
Sure enough, a short while later the old man bellowed, the power of his voice shearing a few rose heads from their positions. Kame crept closer, following him into the centre of a gnarled ring of bushes that hid him neatly from the outside world. Junno appeared before long. He looked upset and didn't notice Kame at all, concealed, as he was, beneath the tangles.
"You're leaving it later and later," the head gardener rasped. "I should leave you to fend for yourself for a day - that'll teach you to be on time, boy!"
"I'm truly sorry!" Junno bowed apologetically. "I was looking for my friend, and-"
"Friend?" The old man's laugh was wheezy, rusty, like he didn't use it much. "I told you when we came here, boy, that friends were a luxury you couldn't afford. What if the spell breaks down when you're with them, hmm? What if you change back before their eyes? What will your friends think of you then?"
"I'm sorry," Junno said miserably. "But he's different! I think he might be like me-"
He suddenly doubled over, clutching his stomach as he fell to the ground, giving Kame a good look at his agonised face which was turning...green? Underneath the stained white T-shirt, his back stiffened, a hard outline pushing the fabric to breaking point.
"All right, boy, all right." The head gardener, who clearly was *not* Junno's father, was unexpectedly kind. He placed one hand on Junno's head, which began to glow with a cool blue light, and Junno's pained contortions ground to a halt. "I wouldn't really leave you like this. You're all the family I've got now, and if I were only a strong enough wizard to break the spell completely, I'd do it. But I don't know where that Matsumoto's gone, and I can't study his techniques till he's found.
"I'm sorry, son. But you have to be careful. If anyone finds out who you really are, we'll have to leave, and there's no telling when we'll get close to another wizard with that much power again."
Junno lay on the ground, panting heavily. "It's...all right, father. I won't take risks anymore. I'll come back when I feel your counterspell wearing thin, like I used to, and not wait for you to call me. I promise."
"You do that." The old man ruffled Junno's hair and exited the ring of rosebushes.
Junno rolled over onto his side...and found himself face to face with Kame.
"You're not from around here, are you?"
-----
As Kame had correctly surmised, Junno was not a local boy. The head gardener, who was a low-born human wizard with a strain of elf-blood, had found him as a small child, crying in the ruins of his family's castle. Junno's parents, rulers of a far-off kingdom, had been murdered by bandits seeking loot, and just for fun, one of their number, a rogue elf, had bespelled the boy on his way out.
So the old man hadn't exactly found him as a small child. He'd found a talking turtle, wailing over the loss of his family and confused by his sudden change of form.
"He did his best to change me back once he realised what happened," Junno said. He was still curled up in the ring of bushes, speaking quietly enough that only Kame could hear him. "But his magic wasn't strong enough. The counterspell needs recharging every six hours, and it wears him down, so I stay a turtle at night to give him a break. That's why I had to keep running away - he can tell when it's about to go, so if I'm not there he calls me.
"We've been looking for someone to remove the spell for good, but the elves won't talk to us because of his mixed heritage, and the only human wizard we've found with enough power is Matsumoto...and he's not here."
"If you hadn't said the man responsible was an elf, I'd suspect Matsumoto of being the one who cast your spell in the first place," Kame said grimly. "I can see why you were so excited to meet me. Another talking turtle."
"You're really human as well, aren't you?"
Being a turtle, Kame couldn't all very well look sheepish, but he gave it his best shot. "I...yeah. I am. Wizard Matsumoto turned me into a turtle because he was jealous of my fashion sense."
Junno pulled himself into a sitting position and picked Kame up, lifting him to eye level. "Lord Kamenashi, right?"
Kame flailed in mid-air, waving his tiny limbs around. "If you knew, why didn't you say something?"
"I didn't until your voice slipped yesterday, and then...because..." Junno looked uncomfortable. "Because then you'd leave. I'm just a gardener, working here while my father looks for a way to break the spell. You're a noble. Your parents are nobles, all your friends are nobles. You can't be my friend anymore."
"Who says?" Kame demanded to know, using his own voice now. "And your parents were royalty, so that makes your blood just as good as mine - better, even. You're a...why, you're a prince!"
"A prince without a kingdom."
"It still counts!" Kame had an idea, of the kind that strikes once in a lifetime - if you're lucky. But he needed to be human again first. "Junno, kiss me."
"Uh...it's not like I've never thought about kissing you - in human form - but I don't know..."
"Just kiss me," Kame commanded. "If I become human again you're a legitimate prince and you can be friends with anyone you damned well please. If I don't...then we're both going to be a bit embarrassed but I think we can probably laugh it off so long as there are no witnesses."
"All right."
"Just put me down fi-"
Too late. Junno screwed up his eyes, leaned forwards and placed a dainty kiss on Kame's shell. The reaction was immediate. One second, a small turtle was being held mid-air.
The next, a skinny young man with dyed coppery hair and too many sharp angles was straddling Junno, propped up only by the gardener's hands round his sides. Poor Junno had the breath knocked right out of him, but he tried to scramble out from beneath Kame due to sheer embarrassment.
"It worked!" Kame exclaimed. "It actually worked!" He grabbed Junno round the shoulders and hugged him gleefully, ignoring the awkward position.
"And I'd better get back to work too," Junno said, but he stopped trying to disentangle himself after his efforts proved futile. Kame was a lot stronger than he looked.
"You're coming with me," Kame said firmly. "No more work today. We're going straight to Jin to tell him everything."
Junno spoke down to the ground. "I'm sure he'll be very happy to have you back again."
"That's not the point. Come on." Kame rose to his feet, hauling Junno after him. "We go talk to the prince, tell him what Matsumoto did to me, and ask for his help in finding him. Matsumoto breaks your spell, you stay human for good, we all live happily ever after."
"But they've already been looking for him, I told you!"
"Yes, but," Kame paused a moment to smirk, "Jin doesn't plan very well. What we need to do is use Lord Ohno, Viscount Aiba, Chancellor Sakurai and the head chef Ninomiya as bait - he's crazy about all of them. We lure him in, bribe him with designer goods and raid his spellbooks. What?"
Junno was just standing there, a dazed smile spreading across his face. "You don't slow down at all, do you, Lord Kamenashi?"
"Kame," Kame said. "And I've got two months of being slow to make up for. Do you know how many fashion shows I've missed?"
But Kame wasn't really concerned about his wardrobe, even if it would be horribly out of date by now, and he'd returned to human form in the same charcoal slacks and white shirt he'd been wearing last. If he stopped talking - if he stopped moving - he'd have time to think, time to worry and wonder what to do now. Having a plan gave him something to focus on, made him feel in control of himself again.
Because clearly, Junno's situation required someone forward-thinking to take charge, to make sure that everything got sorted, and it was obvious that his adoptive father wasn't up to the task. Kame was more than happy to take on the responsibility himself...if Junno wanted him to, at any rate.
"Even if you weren't a prince by blood, I'd have known you for one," Kame said softly. He let the smirk gentle around the edges, allowing it to be replaced by a sweet, heartfelt smile, of the kind he hoped Junno had missed.
"Do turtles come with a pedigree?"
"You're not going to be a turtle for much longer," Kame vowed. "We'll find a way. And when we do..."
Junno was holding his breath. Kame could tell, when he approached him to see lips stern and straight, muscles held taut. He laughed to break the tension, prompting an answering laugh of relief from Junno, then leaned in to kiss him long and quite thoroughly. No shells involved, this time, though there may have been a little tongue.
"Because I can't change back," Kame said, "and while I'm sure you're delightful to talk to as a turtle, there are other things I'd rather be doing at night."
Junno grinned. "But you're always a turtle, right? Kame is 'kame'."
"You..."
Walking through the rose garden a half-hour later, Prince Jin peered into the bushes to discover his absent friend not only returned from Europe, but having a tickle-fight with the gardener. Despite the risk to his sensitive collarbones, he contemplated joining in, but when laughter turned to sounds of a far less innocent nature, though equally joyful, he opted to keep his distance.
Besides, he was late for his own illicit rendezvous with Court Jester Yoko.