Better Days (1/1)
Title: Better Days
Author: tromana
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Jane/Lisbon
Summary: The aftermath of Bosco's death can still be felt months after the event.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: Written for lilsmiles86 as a part of the holiday fics challenge. Last one!! *collapses*
Better Days
She walks into the café and the breath catches the back of her throat.
This doesn’t go unnoticed by Jane. Of course it wouldn’t. He notices everything. Sometimes, she wishes that he wasn’t quite so all-knowing, that she could keep a secret or two from him. He knows that too, but it’s not exactly something he can control. Besides, she’s all too tempting to read. She just doesn’t realize that.
Instead, he covers her hand with his own as they walk up to the counter.
He knows why she reacted the way she did. This is the place which she used to frequent with Bosco, after he moved from San Francisco to Sacramento. Since his death, she’s avoided using it for the simple fact that she doesn’t want to face the memories. She likes to avoid the heartache, the pain. It’s understandable, of course. Who wouldn’t?
It hurts her, knowing that she won’t see him again. Teresa Lisbon misses Bosco more than she’ll ever care to admit, least of all to him, Patrick Jane. He was a friend, her mentor. Any feelings she’d had for him were wrong. He had been happily married to Mandy for longer than even she had known him.
And Red John had stolen him away her, from all of them.
Jane blames himself for that, of course he does.
This void, this emptiness that Lisbon feels is essentially his fault. If he hadn’t compromised the Red John case, then it would never have been passed over to Bosco’s unit in the first place. Then, they wouldn’t have been slaughtered by the serial killer, simply because Red John didn’t approve anyone excepting Jane working the case.
Then, she wouldn’t be trapped in this state of limbo and he wouldn’t have needed to add something else to his growing pile of guilt.
Sometimes, he wishes that he hadn’t gotten so attached to the senior agent. It would have been easier for him if he hadn’t. He would have remained more single minded, more focused on the task in hand. That being the death of Red John, of course.
If anything, the Bosco situation means he feels even more validated in his desire to slice Red John open and watch him bleed to a slow and painful death. He causes so much heartbreak and so much anguish, that it’s the least the bastard deserves. And he doesn’t stop. It isn’t enough that he’s butchered his family; he’s now taunting the people he’s grown to care about. Rigsby. Van Pelt. Cho. Lisbon. Especially Lisbon.
She blames herself too. Of course she can’t let Jane take all the credit - that just wouldn’t do. After all, she is the senior agent in charge of the case. Jane knows that she believes that she should have apprehended the serial killer ages ago, and thus, the murder of one of her dearest friends by him would never have been a concept she’d have needed to face. As much as Jane feels that fury bubbling in the pit of his stomach, that reminder of that fateful day when his world had been turned upside down, and reaffirmation of his desires, Lisbon feels like she’s letting the criminals win, like she’s failing at the one thing she’s good at.
So, he likes to shoulder as much of it as possible. It’s not fair that she takes on even more than she already has done so. He knows he’s a handful to say the least; it’s an incorrigible urge that he just cannot temper, however much he tries. Even his wife hadn’t been able to dampen his spirit.
He buys her a coffee and that meatball sub, the one she hasn’t been able to face since Bosco’s passing. The hurt is evident in her eyes, but he knows this is important. That it’s a part of the healing process. If she doesn’t try and face some of the things that remind her of him, she never will be able to. That’s something she should already understand, given her history. However, certain things are easier said than done. He can’t judge her for that. He’s been there before. In reality, he’s still there now.
Mostly because there’s not really been anyone to make him face up to certain facts. Or at least, not until she had walked into his life, however reluctantly.
Jane wonders what he’d do without her in his life. It’s a dangerous game, getting close to anyone right now. He might as well be painting a giant target for Red John on her back. Then again, she’d simply argue that she’s already a target, it doesn’t matter what Jane does. By default, she has to be wary, take into account the risks entailed in doing her job. She knows full well that if she gets too close to Red John, then that could be it.
The serial killer has already had the gumption to kill an entire unit within the four walls of the CBI headquarters. He certainly wouldn’t think twice about chipping off the members of the Serious Crimes Unit one by one.
But Jane can’t let that happen, not again. If it does, then he knows that there’ll be no hope of recovery. He’ll be straight off in the deep end, without any lifesavers in sight.
Because she is his life raft. She keeps him sane, despite the fact he has given himself such a grim task. Lisbon reminds him of the joys of life, that there is a reason to live despite the gray.
She is his reason to live, because, despite everything she’s been through, she still somehow finds a way to stand up and fight another day. She’s tenacious like that.
And it will get easier for her, he knows it will. It may take a little time, but a wise man once said that time made the best healer. He could wait for that. Jane knows that he’ll have to.
Besides, she’s made of stronger stuff than he is. He has faith in her; she can do this.
It’s just a case of making that turn around the corner. She’s nearly there; she just requires that little extra nudge. After all, if she can find the hope, the will to live again, then it means that he has no excuse to do just the same.
Author: tromana
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Jane/Lisbon
Summary: The aftermath of Bosco's death can still be felt months after the event.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: Written for lilsmiles86 as a part of the holiday fics challenge. Last one!! *collapses*
Better Days
She walks into the café and the breath catches the back of her throat.
This doesn’t go unnoticed by Jane. Of course it wouldn’t. He notices everything. Sometimes, she wishes that he wasn’t quite so all-knowing, that she could keep a secret or two from him. He knows that too, but it’s not exactly something he can control. Besides, she’s all too tempting to read. She just doesn’t realize that.
Instead, he covers her hand with his own as they walk up to the counter.
He knows why she reacted the way she did. This is the place which she used to frequent with Bosco, after he moved from San Francisco to Sacramento. Since his death, she’s avoided using it for the simple fact that she doesn’t want to face the memories. She likes to avoid the heartache, the pain. It’s understandable, of course. Who wouldn’t?
It hurts her, knowing that she won’t see him again. Teresa Lisbon misses Bosco more than she’ll ever care to admit, least of all to him, Patrick Jane. He was a friend, her mentor. Any feelings she’d had for him were wrong. He had been happily married to Mandy for longer than even she had known him.
And Red John had stolen him away her, from all of them.
Jane blames himself for that, of course he does.
This void, this emptiness that Lisbon feels is essentially his fault. If he hadn’t compromised the Red John case, then it would never have been passed over to Bosco’s unit in the first place. Then, they wouldn’t have been slaughtered by the serial killer, simply because Red John didn’t approve anyone excepting Jane working the case.
Then, she wouldn’t be trapped in this state of limbo and he wouldn’t have needed to add something else to his growing pile of guilt.
Sometimes, he wishes that he hadn’t gotten so attached to the senior agent. It would have been easier for him if he hadn’t. He would have remained more single minded, more focused on the task in hand. That being the death of Red John, of course.
If anything, the Bosco situation means he feels even more validated in his desire to slice Red John open and watch him bleed to a slow and painful death. He causes so much heartbreak and so much anguish, that it’s the least the bastard deserves. And he doesn’t stop. It isn’t enough that he’s butchered his family; he’s now taunting the people he’s grown to care about. Rigsby. Van Pelt. Cho. Lisbon. Especially Lisbon.
She blames herself too. Of course she can’t let Jane take all the credit - that just wouldn’t do. After all, she is the senior agent in charge of the case. Jane knows that she believes that she should have apprehended the serial killer ages ago, and thus, the murder of one of her dearest friends by him would never have been a concept she’d have needed to face. As much as Jane feels that fury bubbling in the pit of his stomach, that reminder of that fateful day when his world had been turned upside down, and reaffirmation of his desires, Lisbon feels like she’s letting the criminals win, like she’s failing at the one thing she’s good at.
So, he likes to shoulder as much of it as possible. It’s not fair that she takes on even more than she already has done so. He knows he’s a handful to say the least; it’s an incorrigible urge that he just cannot temper, however much he tries. Even his wife hadn’t been able to dampen his spirit.
He buys her a coffee and that meatball sub, the one she hasn’t been able to face since Bosco’s passing. The hurt is evident in her eyes, but he knows this is important. That it’s a part of the healing process. If she doesn’t try and face some of the things that remind her of him, she never will be able to. That’s something she should already understand, given her history. However, certain things are easier said than done. He can’t judge her for that. He’s been there before. In reality, he’s still there now.
Mostly because there’s not really been anyone to make him face up to certain facts. Or at least, not until she had walked into his life, however reluctantly.
Jane wonders what he’d do without her in his life. It’s a dangerous game, getting close to anyone right now. He might as well be painting a giant target for Red John on her back. Then again, she’d simply argue that she’s already a target, it doesn’t matter what Jane does. By default, she has to be wary, take into account the risks entailed in doing her job. She knows full well that if she gets too close to Red John, then that could be it.
The serial killer has already had the gumption to kill an entire unit within the four walls of the CBI headquarters. He certainly wouldn’t think twice about chipping off the members of the Serious Crimes Unit one by one.
But Jane can’t let that happen, not again. If it does, then he knows that there’ll be no hope of recovery. He’ll be straight off in the deep end, without any lifesavers in sight.
Because she is his life raft. She keeps him sane, despite the fact he has given himself such a grim task. Lisbon reminds him of the joys of life, that there is a reason to live despite the gray.
She is his reason to live, because, despite everything she’s been through, she still somehow finds a way to stand up and fight another day. She’s tenacious like that.
And it will get easier for her, he knows it will. It may take a little time, but a wise man once said that time made the best healer. He could wait for that. Jane knows that he’ll have to.
Besides, she’s made of stronger stuff than he is. He has faith in her; she can do this.
It’s just a case of making that turn around the corner. She’s nearly there; she just requires that little extra nudge. After all, if she can find the hope, the will to live again, then it means that he has no excuse to do just the same.