Changes (Parts 5 and 6 of 16)
Title: Changes (Parts 5 and 6 of 16)
Summary: Sam returns after a long undercover mission with the Tok'ra and is shocked to discover what's happened to Jack in her absence.
Timeframe: Takes place approximately around Season Three, goes AU from there.
Pairings: Sam/Jack, Daniel/Janet
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Angst, Romance, Friendship
Rating: PG13
Changes
Chapter Five: Need
"Coffee?" Janet smiled sweetly, offering Daniel a cup as he stepped into her office that morning. She perched herself on her desk while the caffeine-craving archaeologist sunk into the vacant chair in front of her after accepting the steaming cup.
Sipping the strong brew gratefully, Daniel's eyes rose to look at Janet. "So, is Sam doing okay with Jack this morning?" He sounded a little concerned, but it was only because he and Teal'c had been primarily in charge of Jack's care for almost a year before Sam came back into their lives. Teal'c was still off-world, and normally that would have meant that Daniel was with Jack, but it wasn't the case now.
Janet shrugged a bit and reached for the phone. "I was just about to call," When Daniel nodded and waved her to go ahead, she dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up.
"Carter," Sam's voice sounded from the phone after several rings.
"Hi Sam, it's Janet," the small doctor answered in a friendly tone. "Everything going okay this morning?"
"Oh, hey Janet. Yep, everything's fine. We had breakfast and I gave Jack a shave before he took his shower. He's just come out now." Sam informed Janet, her voice calm, not giving the doctor any reason to believe something was wrong.
"Oh, good," Janet smiled, seeing Daniel relax. "How's his knee looking?"
"A little swollen, but I've given him more Tylenol for it and it doesn't seem to be bothering him too much, as far as I can tell." Sam paused, then added, "Oh, and I'm still making sure his takes the pain medication once every four hours."
"Okay, well as long it doesn't look like the knee's giving him too much trouble, it's alright that he move around more than he was able to yesterday, maybe even excerise it some."
"Alright, maybe we'll go for a little walk around the neighborhood or something."
Janet smiled, then asked, "Do you know when you'll be heading back to base?"
"Not sure yet. I figured Jack could use the away time, you know?"
Janet nodded to herself. "That's fine Sam. In fact, it's an excellent idea. I guess I'll see you later then, just call if you need anything."
"Thanks, I will. Bye Janet." There was silence briefly, then a click signaling the end of the call.
Janet's eyes drifted to Daniel reassuringly. "They're doing fine," she smiled warmly and slid off the desk to reach down and take his hand.
"I know," Daniel sighed softly, hanging his head slightly in shame as he got to his feet, still holding Janet's much smaller hand in his own. "I just worry,"
Leaning into him, Janet smiled and stood on her tip toes to give Daniel a kiss. "We all do. It's okay," she patted his shoulder and lightly shoved him from her office. "Now get going, I've got work to do!" She scolded teasingly, smiling as he turned with a smile of his own and left.
-
Jack limped over to the couch with Sam, and together they sat down for a moment. Sam had picked some clothes out for him to wear after his shower, and he was now dressed in a pair of loose khaki cargo pants and a plain white t-shirt. The loose pants made it easier to get his knee brace on and off, and apply ice when it was needed. She watched him stare out the floor-to-ceiling windows across the lounge, his eyes vacant. Sam had quickly learned that Jack had good days and bad days where it came to his more catatonic-like states, and so far today was proving to be one of his bad days. He'd been very unresponsive all morning, except when he'd first reacted to the razor while Sam was getting ready to help him shave.
Suddenly remembering that she needed to take a shower herself, Sam got up off the couch, taking Jack with her. He limped along at her side until they were back in his bedroom, then sat down on the bed when she gestured for him to do so. Moving over to the tv, Sam turned it on and flipped through the channels to try and find something that could hold his attention for ten minutes or so. Finding nothing but the news and soap operas at this time of day, she went about the room and searched the bookshelf until she found some of The Simpsons on VHS tapes. Pulling one out, she popped it in the VCR and hit 'play'.
Sam went back to the bed to check that Jack was looking. She propped some pillows up behind him and gestured for him to sit back. When it looked like he'd gotten comfortable, she laid a gentle hand over his right knee and looked him in the eyes. "Jack, your leg feeling okay?"
He made eye contact with her briefly before his half-focused stare shifted to the cartoon characters on the tv.
Sighing softly, Sam touched his shoulder and gave a small smile before moving to where her bag sat on the floor by the bed. "Jack, I've gotta get in the shower now. I'll be out in just ten minutes." She started to move away, but he didn't react to her leaving, so she stepped into the adjoining bathroom.
-
Sam showered quickly, not sure whether or not Jack would really be okay while she was gone. She cursed herself for not thinking about taking the monitor in with her, but she'd left the door open a crack so she would hear if something happened.
While the hot spray from the showerhead washed over her, Sam allowed her mind to wander as steam filled the bathroom and crept out the open crack in the heavy wooden door. She tried to think of something to do with Jack today, something to try and break him of the hazy state he seemed to be in.
Emerging from the bathroom in jeans and a very plain looking light blue t-shirt that had three buttons down from the neck, Sam fiddled idly with her still-damp hair and stepped out into Jack's room. He was still lounging on the bed, his lips quirking slightly in almost a smile or a laugh in response to the familiar yellow cartoon characters on the tv. "Hey Jack, I'm done with my shower now," she said softly, stepping over to the bed and sitting down on the edge by his legs.
He reacted to Sam this time, facing her with a slight furrow of his brows before turning his head once more as his attention returned to the tv screen.
Well, it's a start. Sam sighed to herself. She shifted on the bed and began pulling up his pant leg. "I'm just gonna have a look at your knee, alright Jack?" Having not given him any of the pain medication yet this morning, Sam wanted to get a look and see if the swelling had gone down or gotten worse, or if the joint looked badly bruised or something. From what she could see around the soft brace, his knee didn't look too bad.
Jack's attention was still held by the tv as Sam left the room again, but she was gone for only a moment and had quickly returned with a fresh glass of water and his pills. He swallowed the capsules she placed in his hand automatically without her having to tell him to. Sam smiled and set down the water afterwards, gently rubbing her hand on his arm. "C'mon Jack, we're going to go for a little ride," she announced cheerfully, trying to motivate him into motion.
His head eventually swiveled toward her once she'd gotten up and shut the tv off. Jack had a strange, disappointed look on his face, so Sam continued smiling and repeated her announcement just as cheerfully while his attention actually seemed to be on her. "C'mon, we're gonna go for a ride, okay? It'll be fun," She gestured for him to get to his feet, and after a still moment, Jack got up off the bed slowly. Sam noticed that he only had socks and the infirmary slippers from the other night on his feet and placed a finger to her lips. "First, we'll need to get your shoes on."
Jack limped at Sam's side passively, letting her lead him into the hall as she searched for his shoes.
"Okay...shoes.." Sam muttered aloud to herself as she scoured the lounge area. Glancing back at Jack, she noticed him leaning against the wall just before the steps, favoring his right leg. Getting on her hands and knees in front of the coffee table, she spied a pair of work boots and snatched at them with a triumphant exclamation of, "Got 'em!" Jogging back over to Jack, she led him to the dining room table and had him sit down. She slid the boots on his sock-clad feet and laced them up.
Sam then rushed about for the next few minutes, scrambling to make sure she'd taken along everything both she and Jack would need while they were out. After checking for the hundredth time, she finally decided that if she forgot something then that was just too bad. Getting Jack in her car, Sam made sure the house was locked up before they took off.
-
Initially deciding to simply walk with Jack around the neighborhood, Sam instead decided to bring him to the park. She'd been a little worried that there would be too many people around and Jack would be fidgety and uncomfortable, but soon relaxed once they'd arrived and she saw that hardly anyone was there. She was pleased to see that he had gotten more animated once they left the confines of the car and began to walk along the gravel path through the park. He was curiously looking around, taking everything in, or so she assumed. Sam was just happy that he didn't have a blank expression and she wasn't forced to shove him down the path. Jack just walked alongside her easily enough, her right arm hooked around his left, just as a precaution.
Sam had begun to notice the more pronounced limp in Jack's step after a while of walking, and spying a bench a few yards away, thought it might be a good time to stop and let him rest for a little while. "Let's take a break and sit down, okay?" Sam smiled at him gently as she led him over to the old wooden park bench and they sat down together.
They sat there on the bench for a few minutes, silently gazing at the surrounding trees which were nearly bare now, their colorful leaves decorating the ground. Sam looked up to see a jogger coming down the path and felt Jack tense at her side. She turned to him to see that he was nervously fiddling with the buttons on his jacket, his head tilted deliberately downward to obstruct his view of the jogger as the man passed. "Jack?" she questioned softly. "It's okay, no one's going to hurt you," she tried to reassure him, gently squeezing his arm.
Jack relaxed after a minute, and Sam lightly patted his left leg. "C'mon, let's do s'more walking," she said with a smile, hanging onto his arm and helping him stand. Her brows furrowed in concern as he grimaced faintly and reached down to rub at the side of his right knee. "Jack, are you okay?"
He didn't say anything, just straightened and began walking, leaving Sam no choice but to move with him since their arms were linked. Jack kept at a pace just a bit slower than normal, his limp barely noticeable again.
-
Daniel felt like a worried mother waiting for their teenager to come home after a night out as he paced back and forth in front of Janet's office. The only difference was, he wasn't a mother, the teenager was his best friend, and it was only 1600. He worried about Jack a lot, now more-so since Jack had been spending a lot of time with Sam rather than him ever since she'd returned. Daniel wasn't jealous by any means, just concerned. He often fretted that something would happen that Sam would be unable to deal with. He knew she wasn't quite familiar with all of Jack's behavior yet, even though he'd gone through many changes in the few weeks Sam had been back.
The sound of clicking heels could be heard getting louder as Janet crossed the infirmary to her adjoining office where she found Daniel pacing. She smiled to herself as he came to a stop and glanced at her, his blue eyes seeming frantic behind the lenses of his glasses. "What are you doing?"
He smiled sheepishly at her as she came closer. "Waiting," Daniel answered vaguely.
Janet smirked knowingly, very aware that it wasn't her that he'd been waiting anxiously for. "Daniel," she sighed in mock exasperation. "I'll have you know that Sam is very capable of handling Jack, in case you haven't noticed recently."
Hanging his head, Daniel shrugged helplessly. "Yeah," he sighed.
Janet just nodded and changed the subject. "So, Teal'c just got back. He's going home after a short debriefing with General Hammond. Sam called a few minutes ago to say that she'd be bringing Jack in, but I asked her to just wait a while longer and she can leave when Teal'c gets there instead." She watched an emotion she couldn't quite pick out flitter across Daniel's face.
"Oh," Daniel tried looking happy, but failed.
Now knowing what that previous emotion was, Janet smiled and pulled him into a hug, resting her head on Daniel's chest as he slowly wrapped his arms around her. "We'll go stop by later with Cassie and bring dinner, okay? And I'll see if Sam can come back to eat with us,"
Daniel grinned and kissed the top of her head. "Okay."
-
Unfortunately, Sam had to get to the mountain to do her lab work when Teal'c got there, and regretted being unable to have dinner with them once Teal'c explained that Janet and Daniel were stopping by with food.
Jack had been indifferent when Sam left, but did seem a little happy to see Teal'c again.
The Jaffa had taken O'Neill's usual lack of responses and indifferent attitude towards him in stride. He had expected as much, after all. Sitting on the armchair while his friend sat on the couch, watching a hockey game on tv, Teal'c took the time to notice the slight change in Jack. It had occurred to him that O'Neill had been different ever since Major Carter's return. A bit of the light had returned to O'Neill's eyes, and when he expressed himself, however rarely, he seemed more animated than he had been. Teal'c allowed himself a faint, pleased grin at the thought that O'Neill's condition was improving for the better.
An hour later, Daniel, Janet, and Cassie showed up with some homemade lasagna. They all sat around the table, enjoying each other’s company, chatting and eating.
"So Teal'c," Daniel spoke around a mouthful of food, waving his fork in the air. "How's the village reconstruction going?"
Teal'c raised his head and smiled partly with a hint of pride. "It is going very well, Daniel Jackson. We completed the foundations for several buildings and shall return in a few more days with a greater amount of supplies and volunteers from the other SG teams."
"That's great Teal'c," Janet nodded interestedly. She glanced across the table where Cassie sat next to Jack. He was eating a little fast, so she reached out and gently tapped his hand to gain his attention. "Jack, slow down," she instructed softly, silently wondering why he felt the need to wolf down his food, and not wanting him to choke or get sick.
Cassie laughed at Jack and patted his shoulder as her mother told him to stop eating so fast. "It's not a race Jack," she laughed again, cocking her head to the side. "You hungry or something?"
Jack looked at the teenager briefly, blinked twice slowly, then continued eating at a normal pace.
For the next several minutes, conversation happened around Jack while he finished his food and then just sat there, staring at his empty plate once he was done. Neither Cassie, Janet, Daniel, or Teal'c thought anything was amiss when he suddenly slid his chair back and stood, leaving the kitchen. Because Jack's surrogate family was used to his movements occasionally being more independent when he was in his own home, no one thought anything of it.
Cassie paused for a second to turn and watch him go, but her attention quickly returned to the conversation at the table and she guessed that Jack was just going back to the lounge to watch tv like he often did after dinner.
It was only after clean up had been completed that Janet noticed Jack was not on the couch in the lounge where they had expected him to be. "Jack?" Janet called for him out of habit, even though there was a very slim chance he'd respond. "Jack, come out here," she tried again. Still, there were no footsteps to indicate he was on his way.
Teal'c rose an eyebrow, expressing his concern. "I will check O'Neill's room," he gave a nod toward Daniel, Cassie, and Janet before striding purposefully down the hall.
"I'll check the bathroom," Daniel declared, parting to look for Jack as well.
Cassie started for the front door. "I'll look outside, just in case." Despite the fact the teenager was quite certain they would have heard the door if Jack had left the house, she wasn't taking any chances.
The search didn't last long though, because a low bellow from Teal'c had them all rushing toward the master bedroom.
Janet strode over beside the Jaffa, discovering Jack sitting on the floor, wedged between his bed and the far wall, his knees close to his chest, hands grasping at his head in silent agony. She touched a hand to Teal'c's shoulder, and as he stepped back to give her room, the small doctor knelt down in front of O'Neill. "Jack, what's wrong? Does your head hurt?" she asked him gently. It wasn't unusual for him to retreat to a 'hiding spot' when he got one of his headaches if no one was there to catch the change in his behavior right away, but it normally didn't take much to coax him out of the spot afterwards. This time it seemed different.
Jack's eyes opened and he peered at the doctor knelt in front of him, his brown depths looking pained and confused.
Daniel stepped in behind Janet and bent over slightly with his hands on his knees. "Why don't you come outta there Jack. We'll go sit down on the couch and give you your pills to help you feel better, okay buddy?"
Clenching his eyes shut, it was clear that Jack wasn't going to move. His face scrunched up and his fingers curled even tighter as he continued to grasp at his head. "Saaaammmm!!" He screeched suddenly, causing all but Teal'c to jump.
Janet shared a brief, concerned look with Daniel, then turned back to Jack and softly questioned, "You want Sam? Is that it?"
"Saaaaaaaaammm!!" Jack screamed again as he began rocking back and forth where he sat, his eyes clenched shut.
"Okay, okay," Janet soothed, standing from her crouch. "We'll get Sam," she assured Jack calmly, though his behavior didn't change and she was certain he wouldn't calm down until Sam was there in person. She glanced over to Cassie, who was hovering worriedly in the doorway. "Cassandra?"
"I'll go call her," the teenager answered, already knowing what her mother was about to say. "She's probably still at the SGC," Cassie smiled tightly and hurried down the hall to find the portable phone.
Daniel sighed and took a seat on the edge of the bed, seeing that it was obvious Jack wouldn't be budging for some time. He glanced at Teal'c with a helpless shrug.
"I shall prepare some coffee," The Jaffa gave a slight bow, sparing one more look toward O'Neill before retreating from the room.
-
Sam had been speaking with Hammond in his office when the call from Cassie came through. The General had instantly dismissed her with a request that she give him a call once everything was settled. It was 2012 now, and already very dark outside. Once she'd pulled into the driveway to Jack's place, she hurried up the steps to the front door and let herself in. Janet rushed to greet her with a relieved look on her face. "How's he doing?" Sam asked tentatively with concern.
Janet shook her head and pulled her friend down the hall. "He's got one of his bad headaches, but he won't come out from his corner beside the bed and he just screams for you if any one of us touches him. We've tried to give him his pills, but he won't have it." The doctor gestured with her thumb and forefinger as she brought Sam into the bedroom. "I was this close to getting a sedative from my kit," she sighed and shook her head slowly. "If bringing you to him doesn't help, it just might resort to that. He needs his medicine."
Putting on a brave smile, Sam padded around the bed where Daniel sat, watching Jack silently. He sent her a quick nod in greeting, which she returned before kneeling on the floor before Jack. He was still rocking back and forth with his knees to his chest, clutching at his head. "Jack?" Sam called to him softly, "Jack, it's me, Sam. I'm here,"
At the sound of her voice, Jack opened his eyes, but his hands never dropped from his head. He slowly stropped rocking back and forth as he stared back at Sam.
"Hey," she smiled warmly at him when their eyes locked. Sam sat on the floor so that she was now perpendicular to Jack, her back against the wall, legs stretching out under the bed. "I hear you're not feeling too good," Her head tilted as he blinked at her.
"Sam," he murmured so softly that it was barely audible, his voice raspy from screaming. Jack shifted slowly, dropping one hand from his head to place on the floor as he moved to sit side by side with Sam. He stretched his long legs out next to hers and slumped so that he could lean his head on her shoulder, his right hand still pressed to his head.
Sam peered sideways at Jack's much more relaxed form, then glanced up at Daniel and Janet, who were now both sitting on the edge of the bed. They were staring at her with amazement in their eyes, silently wondering, and at the same time not wanting to think about, what it was about Sam that put Jack at ease. "Janet, maybe I should try giving him his pills now?"
"Sure, they're right here," Janet nodded with a small smile and picked up the pills and water glass she'd had on the nightstand from when she tried giving them to Jack earlier. She handed them off to Sam, then both she and Daniel waited patiently.
Gently taking Jack's free hand, Sam put the pills in his palm. "Swallow those now, okay?" When he put them in his mouth, she held the glass to his lips and he drank some of the water before pushing it away. Sam smiled with satisfaction.
Daniel took the glass from Sam and set it back on the nightstand. Both he and Janet got up off the bed, Daniel hovering nearby while Janet headed for the door slowly.
Pausing at the door, Janet caught Daniel's eye and waved for him to join her. "Sam," she called out quietly, "See if you can get him to lie down. Then, why don't you join us in the kitchen for some coffee? Teal'c's already made some. We'll all stick around for a while longer."
"Sure," Sam smiled faintly and somewhat distractedly, her focus entirely on Jack for the moment. She heaved a soft sigh as Janet left the room, letting her thoughts wander. She'd been so worried when Cassie had called her at the base, frantically insisting that she come by Jack's because he was inconsolable and crying out for her by name. Now that she was here with him, she even felt a little better herself. After leaving him with Teal'c earlier, Sam felt so suddenly alone when she'd returned to base, and it had been hard getting into her lab work. Being there with Jack made her feel just as calmed as he seemed to be now, with her presence.
A few minutes went by, and Jack slowly dropped his hand from his head as the pills took effect. He was blinking drowsily and leaning more into Sam's shoulder, his cheekbone starting to dig into her arm.
Sam moved slowly, and without a second thought, gently leaned over to kiss the top of his head. "Let's put you to bed, okay?" She whispered gently, getting to her knees and then gently tugging on his arm as they stood together. She held on to his arm tightly for a second as he wobbled slightly, noticeably putting more weight on his left knee. She guessed that his bad knee was stiff from being in the same position for so long.
Sitting down on the bed with him, Sam had been about to get up and find him some pajamas when he suddenly laid down and put his head in her lap. "Jack," she began, sighing and resigning herself to sit there and be a human pillow for a little while. Sam reached over to grab another pillow, sticking it behind her back so she could sit up comfortably.
-
Changes
Chapter Six: Reasons
Sam had gently stroked Jack's hair until he fell asleep, then managed to extricate herself and crawl off the bed without waking him. She covered him with the extra blanket that had fallen on the floor and stepped out of the room, pausing in Teal'c's room to grab the receiver for the monitor in Jack's room. Taking it with her into the kitchen, Sam accidently walked in on a conversation she wasn't sure she should be hearing.
"It makes sense of his behavior toward her, don't you think?" Janet said, looking around the table at Daniel and Teal'c. Cassie had left the kitchen to sit on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate and watch tv.
"We should tell her," Daniel added quietly, his head bowed.
"Tell who, what?" she asked quietly, moving over to the table to make her presence known. The question was innocent, but Sam knew they were talking about her.
Janet was chewing her lip, brows knit together as she fiddled with the coffee mug on the table in front of her. She gestured toward the empty chair across from her and next to Teal'c, waiting patiently as Sam cautiously sat down. "Sam," she began softly with a hesitant breath. "We think we have an idea why Jack has gotten so close to you since you've been back, and why he seeks you out for comfort most of all."
Sam could already feel her cheeks reddening slightly. She was a bit embarrassed that the others had noticed how Jack seemed to be paying extra attention to her in particular. Not speaking, Sam gave a faint nod and waited for the rest of what Janet had to say. Her gaze shifted briefly to Daniel and Teal'c, who looked like they were trying hard not to add their input before Janet got the chance to explain.
"Colonel O'Neill didn't take your leaving very well. He never said anything directly to any of us, but we got the distinct impression that he was blaming himself for you taking that mission. It seemed like he felt as though there was something he did that caused you to take the assignment."
"No," Sam denied, shaking her head and feeling a sudden lump in her throat. "It wasn't anything he did that made me leave, it was just something I had to do. I needed to spend more time with my father, and he asked for my help. He needed someone with my expertise. There were people's lives at stake. I couldn't just say no," She ran a hand through her short hair and leaned back in the chair. "We didn't know that the mission would take so long, only that we'd be out of contact for the whole thing. I wanted-" Sam trailed off, unable to finish her train of thought.
"It's okay Sam," Daniel was quick to reassure her with a gentle smile as Janet did the same. "None of this is your fault. His behavior before the accident didn't contribute to it, it just gives us an idea of why he's acting the way he has been lately around you."
"Jack missed you Sam, we could all tell," Janet said boldly in a soft voice. "He missed you a lot..." she took in a slow breath. "A lot more than he should have given your military positions, if you see what I'm getting at."
Sam felt her chest tighten, and realized that her friends were laying it all out on the line for Jack, since he couldn't do so on his own. She couldn't hold back now, and it didn't matter anyway, Jack was retired now, and they couldn't pursue a relationship given his current condition anyway. Because of that realization, she wanted to break down and cry right in front of everybody, but instead, she spoke up in a tremulous voice, "I missed him too. A lot."
Janet and Daniel shared a glance with small, tight smiles, while Teal'c gave a slight bow of his head. It was out now, and they all seemed to relax a bit because of that.
Hearing a soft, muffled murmur from the monitor she'd left on the kitchen counter before taking a seat, Sam slid back in her chair and got up. It was only twenty minutes since Jack had fallen asleep, but from the sounds emitting from the monitor, it seemed like he was waking up. "I'm gonna go check on him," she said softly, excusing herself and heading out of the kitchen and down the hall.
Nodding, Janet glanced down at the table and sipped her coffee. She leaned into Daniel gratefully as he scooted his chair closer to her side and put an arm around her shoulders.
-
Quietly entering Jack's room, Sam sat down on the bed beside him, her hand reaching out to gently stroke his hair once more. Soft, incoherent mumbles escaped his lips before he groaned softly and his eyelids started fluttering. She was trying hard not to cry when his dark eyes locked onto her and she remembered what Janet had told her. It was hard not to think about what could have been, now that things were out in the open. Smiling a little, Sam realized she had to confess her feelings to the one person it would matter most to, despite the circumstances. It would make her feel better saying it to him anyhow.
"Jack?" Sam began softly, still stroking his hair as he watched her with his dark, naturally expressive eyes. "I know you might not understand now, but I have to tell you anyway... Jack, I... I love you."
He sat up slowly, her hand dropping back from his head to settle in her lap. Jack's brows furrowed and he rubbed at the right side of his head, over the scar.
Sam smiled tightly, hanging her head and sighing regrettably as she crawled toward the edge of the bed to let her legs hang over the side. Movement behind her caught Sam's attention a moment later, and Jack was shifting to sit beside her. When he suddenly wrapped his arms around her, Sam couldn't do anything but hug him back, twisting into his embrace and burying her face in the crook of his neck.
"Love..Sam," Jack murmured softly as he continued to hold her.
Hearing the barely audible words, Sam could no longer hold back her tears. They streaked down her face hotly and she openly cried against him, clinging to him desperately. "God, why did this have to happen to you Jack. I'm so, so sorry. I wish I'd never left. Maybe things would have been different..." she choked out between sobs.
-
Janet felt tears stinging her eyes as she, Daniel, and Teal'c heard the entire conversation through the baby monitor Sam had left on the kitchen counter. Daniel squeezed her a little tighter, and she could even see a somber expression on the face of their stony Jaffa friend as he lowered his head.
Ultimately deciding to leave Sam alone with Jack to get control of her emotions, Janet turned the volume on the monitor down, then wrapped up the remainders of dinner a few minutes later and left it in the fridge for Teal'c. She wanted to stick around a little while longer just in case Sam came out and wanted to talk, but after nearly forty-five minutes, Janet realized her friend wouldn't be coming out. Getting up from the table, Janet stepped down into the lounge where Cassie was still sitting on the couch watching tv. "Cass?" She called to her daughter softly, standing beside the couch.
Having nearly fallen asleep, Cassie swung her gaze over tiredly and blinked. "Yeah?"
Janet smiled gently. "We're gonna get going now, alright sweetie?"
"Mm-hm," Cassie murmured, leaning forward to grab her mug off the coffee and get up, slowly shuffling off to take it to the kitchen.
Standing by Daniel and the door a few minutes later, and saying goodbye to Teal'c, Cassie pulled away from hugging him and turned to her mother with slightly furrowed brows. "Mom? Is Jack okay?"
Janet nodded with a small smile. "Yes sweetie, he's okay, Sam's with him."
Cassie smiled with a satisfied nod. "Good."
"We'll see you tomorrow then Teal'c," Daniel said, patting his friend on the shoulder.
"Indeed," Teal'c gave a slight bow. "I shall contact you if the need arises," he added, answering their unasked question. Closing the door behind them, the Jaffa paused briefly in the hallway before deciding to turn down towards the lounge.
Almost another hour later, when Sam still hadn't emerged from the room with Jack, Teal'c went to go poke his head in to check on them. He found them both fast asleep, Jack laying on his back with Sam curled up to his side, her head against his chest. The Jaffa covered them up with a blanket and silently went off to his own room to perform kelno'reem and rest until morning.
-
Slowly peeling her eyes open the next morning, Sam's face felt tight with the dried tears, and she remembered that she'd been crying the previous night and why. Her heart clenched painfully, and she fought with herself trying not to think about what had her so upset. Suddenly realizing that she was curled into Jack's side, Sam slowly lifted her head off his chest and sat up next to him. I can't do this to him, she thought to herself with a frown. His mind must be so fragile right now. He can't possibly understand.
When Jack had softly said he loved her last night after her own confession, that was the last thing to finally break down the protective wall around her heart. Now she tried telling herself that he didn't understand the emotions he was feeling, or he was just saying words that he didn't know the meaning of, but deep down, she silently hoped that he did, that there was still much of the old Jack O'Neill in there somewhere, locked up inside his damaged brain. Right now she had to keep hoping that his condition would continue to improve, and some day they would be able to share the love they each harbored for one another for so long. That thought was the only thing that could keep her going right now.
Noticing that Jack had begun to stir, Sam shifted sideways and hung her legs over the side of the bed. She wanted to leave before he woke, to try and make it easier on herself when she left to go to work, but she also knew that distancing herself from him at this point wouldn't help him to recover any. He's probably going back to the SGC with Teal'c today anyway, she reasoned somewhat lamely.
Teal'c! Her mind screamed suddenly as she remembered that he had come home the other day and she was not alone with Jack in the house. Holy Hannah, I can't believe I slept here again, the whole night, she muttered internally, silently wondering what the Jaffa thought of all this. Sam tried not to think about it too much as she felt Jack moving around more on the bed.
When Jack sat up, fully awake, Sam was a little surprised that he didn't automatically go out to the kitchen like he had the previous morning she'd spent with him. She wondered if maybe he was waiting for her this time. Turning to find he was staring at her now, Sam sent him a calm, gentle smile and reached to take his hand. "C'mon, let's go see if Teal'c's up and get some breakfast, okay?"
Jack squeezed her hand and got off the bed with her. He was still staring intently at Sam as she led him from the room, their hands still intertwined.
Sam felt a lump in her throat and willed herself not to start crying again. She loved this man with all her heart, no matter what. And so help her, she believed he was getting better, that the brain damage that had cost him so much of himself would not be permanent. She may have been foolhardy to think such a thing, but if she was a fool, than so be it. Sam realized she loved Jack way too much not to have faith.
-
( Changes: Chapters Seven and Eight)
Summary: Sam returns after a long undercover mission with the Tok'ra and is shocked to discover what's happened to Jack in her absence.
Timeframe: Takes place approximately around Season Three, goes AU from there.
Pairings: Sam/Jack, Daniel/Janet
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Angst, Romance, Friendship
Rating: PG13
Changes
Chapter Five: Need
"Coffee?" Janet smiled sweetly, offering Daniel a cup as he stepped into her office that morning. She perched herself on her desk while the caffeine-craving archaeologist sunk into the vacant chair in front of her after accepting the steaming cup.
Sipping the strong brew gratefully, Daniel's eyes rose to look at Janet. "So, is Sam doing okay with Jack this morning?" He sounded a little concerned, but it was only because he and Teal'c had been primarily in charge of Jack's care for almost a year before Sam came back into their lives. Teal'c was still off-world, and normally that would have meant that Daniel was with Jack, but it wasn't the case now.
Janet shrugged a bit and reached for the phone. "I was just about to call," When Daniel nodded and waved her to go ahead, she dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up.
"Carter," Sam's voice sounded from the phone after several rings.
"Hi Sam, it's Janet," the small doctor answered in a friendly tone. "Everything going okay this morning?"
"Oh, hey Janet. Yep, everything's fine. We had breakfast and I gave Jack a shave before he took his shower. He's just come out now." Sam informed Janet, her voice calm, not giving the doctor any reason to believe something was wrong.
"Oh, good," Janet smiled, seeing Daniel relax. "How's his knee looking?"
"A little swollen, but I've given him more Tylenol for it and it doesn't seem to be bothering him too much, as far as I can tell." Sam paused, then added, "Oh, and I'm still making sure his takes the pain medication once every four hours."
"Okay, well as long it doesn't look like the knee's giving him too much trouble, it's alright that he move around more than he was able to yesterday, maybe even excerise it some."
"Alright, maybe we'll go for a little walk around the neighborhood or something."
Janet smiled, then asked, "Do you know when you'll be heading back to base?"
"Not sure yet. I figured Jack could use the away time, you know?"
Janet nodded to herself. "That's fine Sam. In fact, it's an excellent idea. I guess I'll see you later then, just call if you need anything."
"Thanks, I will. Bye Janet." There was silence briefly, then a click signaling the end of the call.
Janet's eyes drifted to Daniel reassuringly. "They're doing fine," she smiled warmly and slid off the desk to reach down and take his hand.
"I know," Daniel sighed softly, hanging his head slightly in shame as he got to his feet, still holding Janet's much smaller hand in his own. "I just worry,"
Leaning into him, Janet smiled and stood on her tip toes to give Daniel a kiss. "We all do. It's okay," she patted his shoulder and lightly shoved him from her office. "Now get going, I've got work to do!" She scolded teasingly, smiling as he turned with a smile of his own and left.
-
Jack limped over to the couch with Sam, and together they sat down for a moment. Sam had picked some clothes out for him to wear after his shower, and he was now dressed in a pair of loose khaki cargo pants and a plain white t-shirt. The loose pants made it easier to get his knee brace on and off, and apply ice when it was needed. She watched him stare out the floor-to-ceiling windows across the lounge, his eyes vacant. Sam had quickly learned that Jack had good days and bad days where it came to his more catatonic-like states, and so far today was proving to be one of his bad days. He'd been very unresponsive all morning, except when he'd first reacted to the razor while Sam was getting ready to help him shave.
Suddenly remembering that she needed to take a shower herself, Sam got up off the couch, taking Jack with her. He limped along at her side until they were back in his bedroom, then sat down on the bed when she gestured for him to do so. Moving over to the tv, Sam turned it on and flipped through the channels to try and find something that could hold his attention for ten minutes or so. Finding nothing but the news and soap operas at this time of day, she went about the room and searched the bookshelf until she found some of The Simpsons on VHS tapes. Pulling one out, she popped it in the VCR and hit 'play'.
Sam went back to the bed to check that Jack was looking. She propped some pillows up behind him and gestured for him to sit back. When it looked like he'd gotten comfortable, she laid a gentle hand over his right knee and looked him in the eyes. "Jack, your leg feeling okay?"
He made eye contact with her briefly before his half-focused stare shifted to the cartoon characters on the tv.
Sighing softly, Sam touched his shoulder and gave a small smile before moving to where her bag sat on the floor by the bed. "Jack, I've gotta get in the shower now. I'll be out in just ten minutes." She started to move away, but he didn't react to her leaving, so she stepped into the adjoining bathroom.
-
Sam showered quickly, not sure whether or not Jack would really be okay while she was gone. She cursed herself for not thinking about taking the monitor in with her, but she'd left the door open a crack so she would hear if something happened.
While the hot spray from the showerhead washed over her, Sam allowed her mind to wander as steam filled the bathroom and crept out the open crack in the heavy wooden door. She tried to think of something to do with Jack today, something to try and break him of the hazy state he seemed to be in.
Emerging from the bathroom in jeans and a very plain looking light blue t-shirt that had three buttons down from the neck, Sam fiddled idly with her still-damp hair and stepped out into Jack's room. He was still lounging on the bed, his lips quirking slightly in almost a smile or a laugh in response to the familiar yellow cartoon characters on the tv. "Hey Jack, I'm done with my shower now," she said softly, stepping over to the bed and sitting down on the edge by his legs.
He reacted to Sam this time, facing her with a slight furrow of his brows before turning his head once more as his attention returned to the tv screen.
Well, it's a start. Sam sighed to herself. She shifted on the bed and began pulling up his pant leg. "I'm just gonna have a look at your knee, alright Jack?" Having not given him any of the pain medication yet this morning, Sam wanted to get a look and see if the swelling had gone down or gotten worse, or if the joint looked badly bruised or something. From what she could see around the soft brace, his knee didn't look too bad.
Jack's attention was still held by the tv as Sam left the room again, but she was gone for only a moment and had quickly returned with a fresh glass of water and his pills. He swallowed the capsules she placed in his hand automatically without her having to tell him to. Sam smiled and set down the water afterwards, gently rubbing her hand on his arm. "C'mon Jack, we're going to go for a little ride," she announced cheerfully, trying to motivate him into motion.
His head eventually swiveled toward her once she'd gotten up and shut the tv off. Jack had a strange, disappointed look on his face, so Sam continued smiling and repeated her announcement just as cheerfully while his attention actually seemed to be on her. "C'mon, we're gonna go for a ride, okay? It'll be fun," She gestured for him to get to his feet, and after a still moment, Jack got up off the bed slowly. Sam noticed that he only had socks and the infirmary slippers from the other night on his feet and placed a finger to her lips. "First, we'll need to get your shoes on."
Jack limped at Sam's side passively, letting her lead him into the hall as she searched for his shoes.
"Okay...shoes.." Sam muttered aloud to herself as she scoured the lounge area. Glancing back at Jack, she noticed him leaning against the wall just before the steps, favoring his right leg. Getting on her hands and knees in front of the coffee table, she spied a pair of work boots and snatched at them with a triumphant exclamation of, "Got 'em!" Jogging back over to Jack, she led him to the dining room table and had him sit down. She slid the boots on his sock-clad feet and laced them up.
Sam then rushed about for the next few minutes, scrambling to make sure she'd taken along everything both she and Jack would need while they were out. After checking for the hundredth time, she finally decided that if she forgot something then that was just too bad. Getting Jack in her car, Sam made sure the house was locked up before they took off.
-
Initially deciding to simply walk with Jack around the neighborhood, Sam instead decided to bring him to the park. She'd been a little worried that there would be too many people around and Jack would be fidgety and uncomfortable, but soon relaxed once they'd arrived and she saw that hardly anyone was there. She was pleased to see that he had gotten more animated once they left the confines of the car and began to walk along the gravel path through the park. He was curiously looking around, taking everything in, or so she assumed. Sam was just happy that he didn't have a blank expression and she wasn't forced to shove him down the path. Jack just walked alongside her easily enough, her right arm hooked around his left, just as a precaution.
Sam had begun to notice the more pronounced limp in Jack's step after a while of walking, and spying a bench a few yards away, thought it might be a good time to stop and let him rest for a little while. "Let's take a break and sit down, okay?" Sam smiled at him gently as she led him over to the old wooden park bench and they sat down together.
They sat there on the bench for a few minutes, silently gazing at the surrounding trees which were nearly bare now, their colorful leaves decorating the ground. Sam looked up to see a jogger coming down the path and felt Jack tense at her side. She turned to him to see that he was nervously fiddling with the buttons on his jacket, his head tilted deliberately downward to obstruct his view of the jogger as the man passed. "Jack?" she questioned softly. "It's okay, no one's going to hurt you," she tried to reassure him, gently squeezing his arm.
Jack relaxed after a minute, and Sam lightly patted his left leg. "C'mon, let's do s'more walking," she said with a smile, hanging onto his arm and helping him stand. Her brows furrowed in concern as he grimaced faintly and reached down to rub at the side of his right knee. "Jack, are you okay?"
He didn't say anything, just straightened and began walking, leaving Sam no choice but to move with him since their arms were linked. Jack kept at a pace just a bit slower than normal, his limp barely noticeable again.
-
Daniel felt like a worried mother waiting for their teenager to come home after a night out as he paced back and forth in front of Janet's office. The only difference was, he wasn't a mother, the teenager was his best friend, and it was only 1600. He worried about Jack a lot, now more-so since Jack had been spending a lot of time with Sam rather than him ever since she'd returned. Daniel wasn't jealous by any means, just concerned. He often fretted that something would happen that Sam would be unable to deal with. He knew she wasn't quite familiar with all of Jack's behavior yet, even though he'd gone through many changes in the few weeks Sam had been back.
The sound of clicking heels could be heard getting louder as Janet crossed the infirmary to her adjoining office where she found Daniel pacing. She smiled to herself as he came to a stop and glanced at her, his blue eyes seeming frantic behind the lenses of his glasses. "What are you doing?"
He smiled sheepishly at her as she came closer. "Waiting," Daniel answered vaguely.
Janet smirked knowingly, very aware that it wasn't her that he'd been waiting anxiously for. "Daniel," she sighed in mock exasperation. "I'll have you know that Sam is very capable of handling Jack, in case you haven't noticed recently."
Hanging his head, Daniel shrugged helplessly. "Yeah," he sighed.
Janet just nodded and changed the subject. "So, Teal'c just got back. He's going home after a short debriefing with General Hammond. Sam called a few minutes ago to say that she'd be bringing Jack in, but I asked her to just wait a while longer and she can leave when Teal'c gets there instead." She watched an emotion she couldn't quite pick out flitter across Daniel's face.
"Oh," Daniel tried looking happy, but failed.
Now knowing what that previous emotion was, Janet smiled and pulled him into a hug, resting her head on Daniel's chest as he slowly wrapped his arms around her. "We'll go stop by later with Cassie and bring dinner, okay? And I'll see if Sam can come back to eat with us,"
Daniel grinned and kissed the top of her head. "Okay."
-
Unfortunately, Sam had to get to the mountain to do her lab work when Teal'c got there, and regretted being unable to have dinner with them once Teal'c explained that Janet and Daniel were stopping by with food.
Jack had been indifferent when Sam left, but did seem a little happy to see Teal'c again.
The Jaffa had taken O'Neill's usual lack of responses and indifferent attitude towards him in stride. He had expected as much, after all. Sitting on the armchair while his friend sat on the couch, watching a hockey game on tv, Teal'c took the time to notice the slight change in Jack. It had occurred to him that O'Neill had been different ever since Major Carter's return. A bit of the light had returned to O'Neill's eyes, and when he expressed himself, however rarely, he seemed more animated than he had been. Teal'c allowed himself a faint, pleased grin at the thought that O'Neill's condition was improving for the better.
An hour later, Daniel, Janet, and Cassie showed up with some homemade lasagna. They all sat around the table, enjoying each other’s company, chatting and eating.
"So Teal'c," Daniel spoke around a mouthful of food, waving his fork in the air. "How's the village reconstruction going?"
Teal'c raised his head and smiled partly with a hint of pride. "It is going very well, Daniel Jackson. We completed the foundations for several buildings and shall return in a few more days with a greater amount of supplies and volunteers from the other SG teams."
"That's great Teal'c," Janet nodded interestedly. She glanced across the table where Cassie sat next to Jack. He was eating a little fast, so she reached out and gently tapped his hand to gain his attention. "Jack, slow down," she instructed softly, silently wondering why he felt the need to wolf down his food, and not wanting him to choke or get sick.
Cassie laughed at Jack and patted his shoulder as her mother told him to stop eating so fast. "It's not a race Jack," she laughed again, cocking her head to the side. "You hungry or something?"
Jack looked at the teenager briefly, blinked twice slowly, then continued eating at a normal pace.
For the next several minutes, conversation happened around Jack while he finished his food and then just sat there, staring at his empty plate once he was done. Neither Cassie, Janet, Daniel, or Teal'c thought anything was amiss when he suddenly slid his chair back and stood, leaving the kitchen. Because Jack's surrogate family was used to his movements occasionally being more independent when he was in his own home, no one thought anything of it.
Cassie paused for a second to turn and watch him go, but her attention quickly returned to the conversation at the table and she guessed that Jack was just going back to the lounge to watch tv like he often did after dinner.
It was only after clean up had been completed that Janet noticed Jack was not on the couch in the lounge where they had expected him to be. "Jack?" Janet called for him out of habit, even though there was a very slim chance he'd respond. "Jack, come out here," she tried again. Still, there were no footsteps to indicate he was on his way.
Teal'c rose an eyebrow, expressing his concern. "I will check O'Neill's room," he gave a nod toward Daniel, Cassie, and Janet before striding purposefully down the hall.
"I'll check the bathroom," Daniel declared, parting to look for Jack as well.
Cassie started for the front door. "I'll look outside, just in case." Despite the fact the teenager was quite certain they would have heard the door if Jack had left the house, she wasn't taking any chances.
The search didn't last long though, because a low bellow from Teal'c had them all rushing toward the master bedroom.
Janet strode over beside the Jaffa, discovering Jack sitting on the floor, wedged between his bed and the far wall, his knees close to his chest, hands grasping at his head in silent agony. She touched a hand to Teal'c's shoulder, and as he stepped back to give her room, the small doctor knelt down in front of O'Neill. "Jack, what's wrong? Does your head hurt?" she asked him gently. It wasn't unusual for him to retreat to a 'hiding spot' when he got one of his headaches if no one was there to catch the change in his behavior right away, but it normally didn't take much to coax him out of the spot afterwards. This time it seemed different.
Jack's eyes opened and he peered at the doctor knelt in front of him, his brown depths looking pained and confused.
Daniel stepped in behind Janet and bent over slightly with his hands on his knees. "Why don't you come outta there Jack. We'll go sit down on the couch and give you your pills to help you feel better, okay buddy?"
Clenching his eyes shut, it was clear that Jack wasn't going to move. His face scrunched up and his fingers curled even tighter as he continued to grasp at his head. "Saaaammmm!!" He screeched suddenly, causing all but Teal'c to jump.
Janet shared a brief, concerned look with Daniel, then turned back to Jack and softly questioned, "You want Sam? Is that it?"
"Saaaaaaaaammm!!" Jack screamed again as he began rocking back and forth where he sat, his eyes clenched shut.
"Okay, okay," Janet soothed, standing from her crouch. "We'll get Sam," she assured Jack calmly, though his behavior didn't change and she was certain he wouldn't calm down until Sam was there in person. She glanced over to Cassie, who was hovering worriedly in the doorway. "Cassandra?"
"I'll go call her," the teenager answered, already knowing what her mother was about to say. "She's probably still at the SGC," Cassie smiled tightly and hurried down the hall to find the portable phone.
Daniel sighed and took a seat on the edge of the bed, seeing that it was obvious Jack wouldn't be budging for some time. He glanced at Teal'c with a helpless shrug.
"I shall prepare some coffee," The Jaffa gave a slight bow, sparing one more look toward O'Neill before retreating from the room.
-
Sam had been speaking with Hammond in his office when the call from Cassie came through. The General had instantly dismissed her with a request that she give him a call once everything was settled. It was 2012 now, and already very dark outside. Once she'd pulled into the driveway to Jack's place, she hurried up the steps to the front door and let herself in. Janet rushed to greet her with a relieved look on her face. "How's he doing?" Sam asked tentatively with concern.
Janet shook her head and pulled her friend down the hall. "He's got one of his bad headaches, but he won't come out from his corner beside the bed and he just screams for you if any one of us touches him. We've tried to give him his pills, but he won't have it." The doctor gestured with her thumb and forefinger as she brought Sam into the bedroom. "I was this close to getting a sedative from my kit," she sighed and shook her head slowly. "If bringing you to him doesn't help, it just might resort to that. He needs his medicine."
Putting on a brave smile, Sam padded around the bed where Daniel sat, watching Jack silently. He sent her a quick nod in greeting, which she returned before kneeling on the floor before Jack. He was still rocking back and forth with his knees to his chest, clutching at his head. "Jack?" Sam called to him softly, "Jack, it's me, Sam. I'm here,"
At the sound of her voice, Jack opened his eyes, but his hands never dropped from his head. He slowly stropped rocking back and forth as he stared back at Sam.
"Hey," she smiled warmly at him when their eyes locked. Sam sat on the floor so that she was now perpendicular to Jack, her back against the wall, legs stretching out under the bed. "I hear you're not feeling too good," Her head tilted as he blinked at her.
"Sam," he murmured so softly that it was barely audible, his voice raspy from screaming. Jack shifted slowly, dropping one hand from his head to place on the floor as he moved to sit side by side with Sam. He stretched his long legs out next to hers and slumped so that he could lean his head on her shoulder, his right hand still pressed to his head.
Sam peered sideways at Jack's much more relaxed form, then glanced up at Daniel and Janet, who were now both sitting on the edge of the bed. They were staring at her with amazement in their eyes, silently wondering, and at the same time not wanting to think about, what it was about Sam that put Jack at ease. "Janet, maybe I should try giving him his pills now?"
"Sure, they're right here," Janet nodded with a small smile and picked up the pills and water glass she'd had on the nightstand from when she tried giving them to Jack earlier. She handed them off to Sam, then both she and Daniel waited patiently.
Gently taking Jack's free hand, Sam put the pills in his palm. "Swallow those now, okay?" When he put them in his mouth, she held the glass to his lips and he drank some of the water before pushing it away. Sam smiled with satisfaction.
Daniel took the glass from Sam and set it back on the nightstand. Both he and Janet got up off the bed, Daniel hovering nearby while Janet headed for the door slowly.
Pausing at the door, Janet caught Daniel's eye and waved for him to join her. "Sam," she called out quietly, "See if you can get him to lie down. Then, why don't you join us in the kitchen for some coffee? Teal'c's already made some. We'll all stick around for a while longer."
"Sure," Sam smiled faintly and somewhat distractedly, her focus entirely on Jack for the moment. She heaved a soft sigh as Janet left the room, letting her thoughts wander. She'd been so worried when Cassie had called her at the base, frantically insisting that she come by Jack's because he was inconsolable and crying out for her by name. Now that she was here with him, she even felt a little better herself. After leaving him with Teal'c earlier, Sam felt so suddenly alone when she'd returned to base, and it had been hard getting into her lab work. Being there with Jack made her feel just as calmed as he seemed to be now, with her presence.
A few minutes went by, and Jack slowly dropped his hand from his head as the pills took effect. He was blinking drowsily and leaning more into Sam's shoulder, his cheekbone starting to dig into her arm.
Sam moved slowly, and without a second thought, gently leaned over to kiss the top of his head. "Let's put you to bed, okay?" She whispered gently, getting to her knees and then gently tugging on his arm as they stood together. She held on to his arm tightly for a second as he wobbled slightly, noticeably putting more weight on his left knee. She guessed that his bad knee was stiff from being in the same position for so long.
Sitting down on the bed with him, Sam had been about to get up and find him some pajamas when he suddenly laid down and put his head in her lap. "Jack," she began, sighing and resigning herself to sit there and be a human pillow for a little while. Sam reached over to grab another pillow, sticking it behind her back so she could sit up comfortably.
-
Changes
Chapter Six: Reasons
Sam had gently stroked Jack's hair until he fell asleep, then managed to extricate herself and crawl off the bed without waking him. She covered him with the extra blanket that had fallen on the floor and stepped out of the room, pausing in Teal'c's room to grab the receiver for the monitor in Jack's room. Taking it with her into the kitchen, Sam accidently walked in on a conversation she wasn't sure she should be hearing.
"It makes sense of his behavior toward her, don't you think?" Janet said, looking around the table at Daniel and Teal'c. Cassie had left the kitchen to sit on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate and watch tv.
"We should tell her," Daniel added quietly, his head bowed.
"Tell who, what?" she asked quietly, moving over to the table to make her presence known. The question was innocent, but Sam knew they were talking about her.
Janet was chewing her lip, brows knit together as she fiddled with the coffee mug on the table in front of her. She gestured toward the empty chair across from her and next to Teal'c, waiting patiently as Sam cautiously sat down. "Sam," she began softly with a hesitant breath. "We think we have an idea why Jack has gotten so close to you since you've been back, and why he seeks you out for comfort most of all."
Sam could already feel her cheeks reddening slightly. She was a bit embarrassed that the others had noticed how Jack seemed to be paying extra attention to her in particular. Not speaking, Sam gave a faint nod and waited for the rest of what Janet had to say. Her gaze shifted briefly to Daniel and Teal'c, who looked like they were trying hard not to add their input before Janet got the chance to explain.
"Colonel O'Neill didn't take your leaving very well. He never said anything directly to any of us, but we got the distinct impression that he was blaming himself for you taking that mission. It seemed like he felt as though there was something he did that caused you to take the assignment."
"No," Sam denied, shaking her head and feeling a sudden lump in her throat. "It wasn't anything he did that made me leave, it was just something I had to do. I needed to spend more time with my father, and he asked for my help. He needed someone with my expertise. There were people's lives at stake. I couldn't just say no," She ran a hand through her short hair and leaned back in the chair. "We didn't know that the mission would take so long, only that we'd be out of contact for the whole thing. I wanted-" Sam trailed off, unable to finish her train of thought.
"It's okay Sam," Daniel was quick to reassure her with a gentle smile as Janet did the same. "None of this is your fault. His behavior before the accident didn't contribute to it, it just gives us an idea of why he's acting the way he has been lately around you."
"Jack missed you Sam, we could all tell," Janet said boldly in a soft voice. "He missed you a lot..." she took in a slow breath. "A lot more than he should have given your military positions, if you see what I'm getting at."
Sam felt her chest tighten, and realized that her friends were laying it all out on the line for Jack, since he couldn't do so on his own. She couldn't hold back now, and it didn't matter anyway, Jack was retired now, and they couldn't pursue a relationship given his current condition anyway. Because of that realization, she wanted to break down and cry right in front of everybody, but instead, she spoke up in a tremulous voice, "I missed him too. A lot."
Janet and Daniel shared a glance with small, tight smiles, while Teal'c gave a slight bow of his head. It was out now, and they all seemed to relax a bit because of that.
Hearing a soft, muffled murmur from the monitor she'd left on the kitchen counter before taking a seat, Sam slid back in her chair and got up. It was only twenty minutes since Jack had fallen asleep, but from the sounds emitting from the monitor, it seemed like he was waking up. "I'm gonna go check on him," she said softly, excusing herself and heading out of the kitchen and down the hall.
Nodding, Janet glanced down at the table and sipped her coffee. She leaned into Daniel gratefully as he scooted his chair closer to her side and put an arm around her shoulders.
-
Quietly entering Jack's room, Sam sat down on the bed beside him, her hand reaching out to gently stroke his hair once more. Soft, incoherent mumbles escaped his lips before he groaned softly and his eyelids started fluttering. She was trying hard not to cry when his dark eyes locked onto her and she remembered what Janet had told her. It was hard not to think about what could have been, now that things were out in the open. Smiling a little, Sam realized she had to confess her feelings to the one person it would matter most to, despite the circumstances. It would make her feel better saying it to him anyhow.
"Jack?" Sam began softly, still stroking his hair as he watched her with his dark, naturally expressive eyes. "I know you might not understand now, but I have to tell you anyway... Jack, I... I love you."
He sat up slowly, her hand dropping back from his head to settle in her lap. Jack's brows furrowed and he rubbed at the right side of his head, over the scar.
Sam smiled tightly, hanging her head and sighing regrettably as she crawled toward the edge of the bed to let her legs hang over the side. Movement behind her caught Sam's attention a moment later, and Jack was shifting to sit beside her. When he suddenly wrapped his arms around her, Sam couldn't do anything but hug him back, twisting into his embrace and burying her face in the crook of his neck.
"Love..Sam," Jack murmured softly as he continued to hold her.
Hearing the barely audible words, Sam could no longer hold back her tears. They streaked down her face hotly and she openly cried against him, clinging to him desperately. "God, why did this have to happen to you Jack. I'm so, so sorry. I wish I'd never left. Maybe things would have been different..." she choked out between sobs.
-
Janet felt tears stinging her eyes as she, Daniel, and Teal'c heard the entire conversation through the baby monitor Sam had left on the kitchen counter. Daniel squeezed her a little tighter, and she could even see a somber expression on the face of their stony Jaffa friend as he lowered his head.
Ultimately deciding to leave Sam alone with Jack to get control of her emotions, Janet turned the volume on the monitor down, then wrapped up the remainders of dinner a few minutes later and left it in the fridge for Teal'c. She wanted to stick around a little while longer just in case Sam came out and wanted to talk, but after nearly forty-five minutes, Janet realized her friend wouldn't be coming out. Getting up from the table, Janet stepped down into the lounge where Cassie was still sitting on the couch watching tv. "Cass?" She called to her daughter softly, standing beside the couch.
Having nearly fallen asleep, Cassie swung her gaze over tiredly and blinked. "Yeah?"
Janet smiled gently. "We're gonna get going now, alright sweetie?"
"Mm-hm," Cassie murmured, leaning forward to grab her mug off the coffee and get up, slowly shuffling off to take it to the kitchen.
Standing by Daniel and the door a few minutes later, and saying goodbye to Teal'c, Cassie pulled away from hugging him and turned to her mother with slightly furrowed brows. "Mom? Is Jack okay?"
Janet nodded with a small smile. "Yes sweetie, he's okay, Sam's with him."
Cassie smiled with a satisfied nod. "Good."
"We'll see you tomorrow then Teal'c," Daniel said, patting his friend on the shoulder.
"Indeed," Teal'c gave a slight bow. "I shall contact you if the need arises," he added, answering their unasked question. Closing the door behind them, the Jaffa paused briefly in the hallway before deciding to turn down towards the lounge.
Almost another hour later, when Sam still hadn't emerged from the room with Jack, Teal'c went to go poke his head in to check on them. He found them both fast asleep, Jack laying on his back with Sam curled up to his side, her head against his chest. The Jaffa covered them up with a blanket and silently went off to his own room to perform kelno'reem and rest until morning.
-
Slowly peeling her eyes open the next morning, Sam's face felt tight with the dried tears, and she remembered that she'd been crying the previous night and why. Her heart clenched painfully, and she fought with herself trying not to think about what had her so upset. Suddenly realizing that she was curled into Jack's side, Sam slowly lifted her head off his chest and sat up next to him. I can't do this to him, she thought to herself with a frown. His mind must be so fragile right now. He can't possibly understand.
When Jack had softly said he loved her last night after her own confession, that was the last thing to finally break down the protective wall around her heart. Now she tried telling herself that he didn't understand the emotions he was feeling, or he was just saying words that he didn't know the meaning of, but deep down, she silently hoped that he did, that there was still much of the old Jack O'Neill in there somewhere, locked up inside his damaged brain. Right now she had to keep hoping that his condition would continue to improve, and some day they would be able to share the love they each harbored for one another for so long. That thought was the only thing that could keep her going right now.
Noticing that Jack had begun to stir, Sam shifted sideways and hung her legs over the side of the bed. She wanted to leave before he woke, to try and make it easier on herself when she left to go to work, but she also knew that distancing herself from him at this point wouldn't help him to recover any. He's probably going back to the SGC with Teal'c today anyway, she reasoned somewhat lamely.
Teal'c! Her mind screamed suddenly as she remembered that he had come home the other day and she was not alone with Jack in the house. Holy Hannah, I can't believe I slept here again, the whole night, she muttered internally, silently wondering what the Jaffa thought of all this. Sam tried not to think about it too much as she felt Jack moving around more on the bed.
When Jack sat up, fully awake, Sam was a little surprised that he didn't automatically go out to the kitchen like he had the previous morning she'd spent with him. She wondered if maybe he was waiting for her this time. Turning to find he was staring at her now, Sam sent him a calm, gentle smile and reached to take his hand. "C'mon, let's go see if Teal'c's up and get some breakfast, okay?"
Jack squeezed her hand and got off the bed with her. He was still staring intently at Sam as she led him from the room, their hands still intertwined.
Sam felt a lump in her throat and willed herself not to start crying again. She loved this man with all her heart, no matter what. And so help her, she believed he was getting better, that the brain damage that had cost him so much of himself would not be permanent. She may have been foolhardy to think such a thing, but if she was a fool, than so be it. Sam realized she loved Jack way too much not to have faith.
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( Changes: Chapters Seven and Eight)