Catch Me 11
Julien’s eyes were bright, and his lips always curved to a happy smile everytime he looked at Changmin. And the younger man looked at him with the same expression. Maybe a little less. But it was still there.
Yunho wondered if they were like that when he and Changmin were still in love.
“So you’re Changmin’s boyfriend?”
Yunho caught Changmin’s eyes on him. And he was steadying himself to hear the unsurprisingly ‘yes’. Yes, he was the man Changmin dated lately. Yes, he was the man that made Changmin smile when he received his text. Yes, he was the man that filled his time when Changmin wasn’t busy with his studies. Yes, he was the man who listening through Changmin’s rambling about his day.
Yes. He was the man that took Yunho’s place.
“He’s not.”
Yunho’s brain just clicked a second away and when he realized that the answer was a no, he looked at Julien.
He could see sadness. Disappointment was also there. Julien ducked his head and grabbed his beer while Changmin calmly controlled his expression.
“He shouldn’t do that.” Yunho said to Junsu who was washing his hand.
Junsu didn’t answer.
“They had been going out from a while. And you see the expectant look from Julien? And I think that Changmin likes him too. But why did he say that he’s not his boyfriend? Gosh, he broke his heart.” Yunho leaned to the counter.
“Wait, Hyung, you think he likes Julien?” Junsu asked, eyebrows knitted together.
“I believe he’s happy with him.” Yunho said. “And it’s obvious how much Julien likes Changmin.” He wondered if he looked that foolish and stupidly in love too when he was looking at Changmin when they were still lovers. “It’s highly possible that Changmin has feelings for him, and he should be honest about that…”
Junsu just stared at the older man.
“Tell Changmin that… he shouldn’t break his heart.” Yunho understood the confused look Junsu gave him. “He’ll think I’m a hypocrite saying this to him.”
But when they got out from the bathroom, Yunho saw Changmin and Julien were kissing. The dull ache in his heart sharpened again and it stabbed him in every way possible, made him hard to breathe and Yunho had to remind himself that he should gain his composure in front of Junsu.
He was dead jealous hearing Changmin was dating another guy. Time after time, he tried to accept that fact. The he couldn’t be angry, he had no right to. But still, it didn’t hurt less.
And when Changmin introduced Julien to them, Yunho just… he tried to be happy instead. That somebody was there to take care of his Changminnie.
Not his Changminnie anymore.
“It’s good that they’ve settled it,” Yunho said to Junsu playfully. “Just forgot what I said.” he headed to the door. “Let’s go find Jae and Chun, then.”
*
Kai was as surprised like the others when Shim Changmin, Jung Yunho’s ex boyfriend came into their dance studio, walked straight to Yunho who was sitting in a corner, helping Taemin to find a suitable music to play.
He could see anger was evident in Changmin’s eyes through the mirror, and the man was speaking in loud voice.
“Let’s talk outside,” Kai could hear Yunho said as the man took his crutches.
But Changmin took away Yunho’s crutches, none too gently. “No let’s talk here. Now.”
He could see how impatient Changmin was, and though Yunho looked calm, he noticed the man gulped down his feelings before speaking.
And Kai didn’t quite catch what Yunho said to Changmin. But he looked at him with such a soft gaze, poured out his heart to his talk.
Yunho’s feeling was still strong to that man.
Kai saw him punched a wall when Yunho thought nobody was looking. Fist tight, breath heavy, jaw clenched and the crutches thrown away. He hid behind the wall and counted the seconds. Tried to calm himself, Yunho took a deep breath and it was like music to his ear.
If only.
If only Kai had someone who loved him as deep as Yunho loved Changmin. And Changmin was even Yunho’s ex, but he was still…
He didn’t deny the fact that he was jealous. He wanted Yunho, he admitted it. He wanted someone like Yunho, though there wasn’t any man Kai ever met was even close to this perfect man. Maybe just 2% of Jung Yunho, it was fine. And he swore he would never hurt this guy. He wouldn’t waste him away. The way Changmin did.
“Kai,”
He startled and opened his eyes. “Hyung!” he didn’t realize they were closed at the first place.
“Are you okay?” Yunho’s brows furrowed. “Are you in a pain?” the older man caught Kai leaning to a wall, eyes closed and face scrunched.
Kai gulped. Why, even in his hardest time Yunho had to care about the others? “Are you, Hyung?”
Yunho just stared at him.
“That man just now…” Kai took a deep breath. “He’s your ex, right, Hyung?”
Yunho stiffened Kai regretted that he brought the topic. But it was out already.
“I’m sorry.” He bit his lip. Maybe Yunho would just hate him and Kai had to spend the rest of his study in Korea without him.
“Where do you find out?” Yunho asked. “That he’s my ex.”
“He… I… I mean… everybody was talking about it.” Kai said, didn’t lie. Because when Shim Changmin left, the studio was quiet and Yunho played the music for them. And as soon as he excused himself to go out for a while, the room filled with whispers. “And I think everybody know. Since you’ve been together for so long.”
“Oh.”
Kai felt sad that he didn’t find smile on Yunho’s face.
“He’s… extraordinary, isn’t he?” Yunho asked after some time.
Kai could hear the ‘compliment’ wasn’t entirely insincere. But he felt better that it meant it was okay to talk about it since Yunho gave a respond. “Did you two fight?”
Yunho didn’t answer.
“Was that… is that why you broke up with him?” Kai asked nervously.
“It wasn’t why I broke up with him.” Yunho replied.
“Do you still love him, Hyung?” Kai asked casually, but he was so afraid of the answer. Hands held each other nervously.
“Yes.”
Kai had to do everything he could so he wouldn’t break down and cried.
“But it doesn’t mean anything. As he already have his special someone. And it’s not like I can do anything about it. What can I do when the one he loves is not me anymore?”
And when Yunho noticed the tears in Kai’s eyes, he said nothing.
*
Julien turned on the stove to let the water boil. “It’s the end of the semester soon. How are you gonna spend your holiday?”
“Is it?” Changmin didn’t know, he didn’t spend the day thinking about those kind of shit. Maybe he should do just that, instead of picking up a fight with Yunho.
“It’s gonna be a long weekend.” Julien said again, looking at Changmin. “Did something disturb you?”
Changmin huffed. “Huh? Why?”
“You just throw the plate to the sink.” Julien said again.
Changmin didn’t want to look at him. The taller man’s shadow was getting closer to his place and he almost flinched. “I’m fine,”
Julien put his long arms around his waist and leaned his head on Changmin’s. “Talk to me.”
There was this moment when Changmin was upset, no, he was mad. During choir practice, he couldn’t hit the right notes, over and over, and Jaejoong suggested him to rest because he didn’t want Changmin hurt his throat. He walked home, found Yunho half sleeping on the couch.
And if he saw Changmin pout, or angry, he said nothing. He let Changmin went to their bedroom without greeting him. And when Changmin was in the bathroom, he ignored Yunho’s question whether he wanted a slice of the tiramisu Yunho just bought in a new bakery shop down the street, and Yunho didn’t ask twice.
When Changmin came out from the bathroom, Yunho was in the bed already, waiting for him. When he lay down, Yunho’s fingers touched his hand, and Changmin cried. The older man pulled him in his embrace, let Changmin wet his worn out tshirt with tears.
“I can’t sing anymore! I can’t even hit the notes right… it’s so fucking embarrassing… this is the first time in my life! So fucking stupid-“ his stupid ugly sobs came out. “I just want to cut my throat off! My fucking- gosh! Why can’t I do it? What if we lose because of me?! So fucking useless…”
He pulled off after some time from Yunho’s tight hug because his tears and snot and saliva was gross on his face and he felt sorry to dirty Yunho’s tshirt, but the older man said nothing. When he wiped his face, he just realized how stupid it was to cry over something like that.
Yunho rubbed his back gently and Changmin hugged him first, put his head on the older man’s chest. “I’m scared.”
“You’ll sing alright, Changmin. I believe in you.” Yunho said softly after he kissed his hair.
Changmin sighed.
“And don’t cut that throat, your neck is beautiful and what if I can’t hear ‘I love you too’ from you anymore?” Yunho added playfully.
Changmin let out a small chuckle. He looked up at Yunho, and he wanted to say thank you, but he was kinda shy. So he kissed Yunho’s chin.
Yunho smiled. “There’s this delicious tiramisu-“
“Great. I’m starving.”
It just felt so different.
Julien’s rough stubble brushed against his right ear and Changmin turned to face the man, and kissed him. Julien accepted the kiss and his wide palm travelled to Changmin’s back and held his head. Changmin let the man bit his upper lip lightly, and pushed his tongue in the French’s mouth.
Julien pulled back. “The water. Almost forgot.” He chuckled. He turned off the stove and poured the hot water to their cups.
Changmin finished washing the dishes and sat in the couch. Not long after, Julien joined him, brought two cups of coffee.
“Do you want to tell me?” Julien asked after Changmin received his cup.
Changmin didn’t expect Julien was still remember about it. “It’s nothing,”
“You can tell me everything. I mean, I tell you ever single unimportant stuff in my class.” Julien said.
“Just tired, I guess… I don’t know either. Please don’t make a fuss about it.” Changmin hoped he didn’t say the last sentence bossily, but seemed like Julien didn’t mind.
“My parents are going to Japan next week and I wonder if you want to accompany me visiting them.” Julien said.
Changmin almost spilled his coffee and he put the cup on the table. “What?”
“My mother asked if… you know, if I’m seeing someone when I’m in Korea. And I kinda say I have you…” Julien said slowly. “Is it okay with you?”
“Well- I… actually, yeah… but-“ Changmin didn’t know why he was stuttering. He cleared his throat. “Continue,”
“Yeah, so… she asked if I could bring you with me to Japan, you know. For a little vacation together. I mean, we don’t have to stick with them all the time. Maybe a dinner or lunch once or twice, then we can go exploring, just the two of us. I know that my parents hate it when I’m interfering with their love trip.”
“Oh.” Changmin didn’t know what else to say.
Julien was also clueless. “Um… have you visited Japan before?”
“Yes…” Changmin bit his lip. “When the sakura bloom.” I went with Yunho. He looked down. “It was lovely.”
Julien hummed. “So… do you want to go?”
Changmin looked at the man beside him.
“I can book our flight.”
*
Kai was waiting outside, helped an old man refilling a cup of water because the dispenser was beside him, and that was the time when Yunho came out from the doctor’s room.
“How is it, Hyung?”
“The doctor said I can walk again.”
Kai could see light emitted from Yunho’s gorgeous face.
“He said it was time for some therapy and exercises. There’s this exercise I need to do every morning. And some during evening, and before I go to bed. It will be around five or six weeks the longest until I can walk normally again.” Yunho couldn’t help his grin and his eyes turned into crescent of happiness.
“That’s great, Hyung!” Kai could feel the burst of happiness in his heart transferred from Yunho.
“But… well, I still have to wear my crutches in the meantime.” Yunho looked at his crutches regretfully.
“But you can walk again!” Kai stated. “Gosh, Hyung, I can’t wait to see you dance!”
Yunho smiled to Kai. “I can’t either, Kai.”
“Oh! And what’s these exercises? I will totally help you with that!” Kai said excitedly. “Maybe I’ll do that too, who knows if they’re good stretching materials?”
“Okay,” Yunho nodded.
Kai hugged Yunho. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you.” Yunho patted Kai’s back. “It feels good to know.”
Yunho wondered if they were like that when he and Changmin were still in love.
“So you’re Changmin’s boyfriend?”
Yunho caught Changmin’s eyes on him. And he was steadying himself to hear the unsurprisingly ‘yes’. Yes, he was the man Changmin dated lately. Yes, he was the man that made Changmin smile when he received his text. Yes, he was the man that filled his time when Changmin wasn’t busy with his studies. Yes, he was the man who listening through Changmin’s rambling about his day.
Yes. He was the man that took Yunho’s place.
“He’s not.”
Yunho’s brain just clicked a second away and when he realized that the answer was a no, he looked at Julien.
He could see sadness. Disappointment was also there. Julien ducked his head and grabbed his beer while Changmin calmly controlled his expression.
“He shouldn’t do that.” Yunho said to Junsu who was washing his hand.
Junsu didn’t answer.
“They had been going out from a while. And you see the expectant look from Julien? And I think that Changmin likes him too. But why did he say that he’s not his boyfriend? Gosh, he broke his heart.” Yunho leaned to the counter.
“Wait, Hyung, you think he likes Julien?” Junsu asked, eyebrows knitted together.
“I believe he’s happy with him.” Yunho said. “And it’s obvious how much Julien likes Changmin.” He wondered if he looked that foolish and stupidly in love too when he was looking at Changmin when they were still lovers. “It’s highly possible that Changmin has feelings for him, and he should be honest about that…”
Junsu just stared at the older man.
“Tell Changmin that… he shouldn’t break his heart.” Yunho understood the confused look Junsu gave him. “He’ll think I’m a hypocrite saying this to him.”
But when they got out from the bathroom, Yunho saw Changmin and Julien were kissing. The dull ache in his heart sharpened again and it stabbed him in every way possible, made him hard to breathe and Yunho had to remind himself that he should gain his composure in front of Junsu.
He was dead jealous hearing Changmin was dating another guy. Time after time, he tried to accept that fact. The he couldn’t be angry, he had no right to. But still, it didn’t hurt less.
And when Changmin introduced Julien to them, Yunho just… he tried to be happy instead. That somebody was there to take care of his Changminnie.
Not his Changminnie anymore.
“It’s good that they’ve settled it,” Yunho said to Junsu playfully. “Just forgot what I said.” he headed to the door. “Let’s go find Jae and Chun, then.”
*
Kai was as surprised like the others when Shim Changmin, Jung Yunho’s ex boyfriend came into their dance studio, walked straight to Yunho who was sitting in a corner, helping Taemin to find a suitable music to play.
He could see anger was evident in Changmin’s eyes through the mirror, and the man was speaking in loud voice.
“Let’s talk outside,” Kai could hear Yunho said as the man took his crutches.
But Changmin took away Yunho’s crutches, none too gently. “No let’s talk here. Now.”
He could see how impatient Changmin was, and though Yunho looked calm, he noticed the man gulped down his feelings before speaking.
And Kai didn’t quite catch what Yunho said to Changmin. But he looked at him with such a soft gaze, poured out his heart to his talk.
Yunho’s feeling was still strong to that man.
Kai saw him punched a wall when Yunho thought nobody was looking. Fist tight, breath heavy, jaw clenched and the crutches thrown away. He hid behind the wall and counted the seconds. Tried to calm himself, Yunho took a deep breath and it was like music to his ear.
If only.
If only Kai had someone who loved him as deep as Yunho loved Changmin. And Changmin was even Yunho’s ex, but he was still…
He didn’t deny the fact that he was jealous. He wanted Yunho, he admitted it. He wanted someone like Yunho, though there wasn’t any man Kai ever met was even close to this perfect man. Maybe just 2% of Jung Yunho, it was fine. And he swore he would never hurt this guy. He wouldn’t waste him away. The way Changmin did.
“Kai,”
He startled and opened his eyes. “Hyung!” he didn’t realize they were closed at the first place.
“Are you okay?” Yunho’s brows furrowed. “Are you in a pain?” the older man caught Kai leaning to a wall, eyes closed and face scrunched.
Kai gulped. Why, even in his hardest time Yunho had to care about the others? “Are you, Hyung?”
Yunho just stared at him.
“That man just now…” Kai took a deep breath. “He’s your ex, right, Hyung?”
Yunho stiffened Kai regretted that he brought the topic. But it was out already.
“I’m sorry.” He bit his lip. Maybe Yunho would just hate him and Kai had to spend the rest of his study in Korea without him.
“Where do you find out?” Yunho asked. “That he’s my ex.”
“He… I… I mean… everybody was talking about it.” Kai said, didn’t lie. Because when Shim Changmin left, the studio was quiet and Yunho played the music for them. And as soon as he excused himself to go out for a while, the room filled with whispers. “And I think everybody know. Since you’ve been together for so long.”
“Oh.”
Kai felt sad that he didn’t find smile on Yunho’s face.
“He’s… extraordinary, isn’t he?” Yunho asked after some time.
Kai could hear the ‘compliment’ wasn’t entirely insincere. But he felt better that it meant it was okay to talk about it since Yunho gave a respond. “Did you two fight?”
Yunho didn’t answer.
“Was that… is that why you broke up with him?” Kai asked nervously.
“It wasn’t why I broke up with him.” Yunho replied.
“Do you still love him, Hyung?” Kai asked casually, but he was so afraid of the answer. Hands held each other nervously.
“Yes.”
Kai had to do everything he could so he wouldn’t break down and cried.
“But it doesn’t mean anything. As he already have his special someone. And it’s not like I can do anything about it. What can I do when the one he loves is not me anymore?”
And when Yunho noticed the tears in Kai’s eyes, he said nothing.
*
Julien turned on the stove to let the water boil. “It’s the end of the semester soon. How are you gonna spend your holiday?”
“Is it?” Changmin didn’t know, he didn’t spend the day thinking about those kind of shit. Maybe he should do just that, instead of picking up a fight with Yunho.
“It’s gonna be a long weekend.” Julien said again, looking at Changmin. “Did something disturb you?”
Changmin huffed. “Huh? Why?”
“You just throw the plate to the sink.” Julien said again.
Changmin didn’t want to look at him. The taller man’s shadow was getting closer to his place and he almost flinched. “I’m fine,”
Julien put his long arms around his waist and leaned his head on Changmin’s. “Talk to me.”
There was this moment when Changmin was upset, no, he was mad. During choir practice, he couldn’t hit the right notes, over and over, and Jaejoong suggested him to rest because he didn’t want Changmin hurt his throat. He walked home, found Yunho half sleeping on the couch.
And if he saw Changmin pout, or angry, he said nothing. He let Changmin went to their bedroom without greeting him. And when Changmin was in the bathroom, he ignored Yunho’s question whether he wanted a slice of the tiramisu Yunho just bought in a new bakery shop down the street, and Yunho didn’t ask twice.
When Changmin came out from the bathroom, Yunho was in the bed already, waiting for him. When he lay down, Yunho’s fingers touched his hand, and Changmin cried. The older man pulled him in his embrace, let Changmin wet his worn out tshirt with tears.
“I can’t sing anymore! I can’t even hit the notes right… it’s so fucking embarrassing… this is the first time in my life! So fucking stupid-“ his stupid ugly sobs came out. “I just want to cut my throat off! My fucking- gosh! Why can’t I do it? What if we lose because of me?! So fucking useless…”
He pulled off after some time from Yunho’s tight hug because his tears and snot and saliva was gross on his face and he felt sorry to dirty Yunho’s tshirt, but the older man said nothing. When he wiped his face, he just realized how stupid it was to cry over something like that.
Yunho rubbed his back gently and Changmin hugged him first, put his head on the older man’s chest. “I’m scared.”
“You’ll sing alright, Changmin. I believe in you.” Yunho said softly after he kissed his hair.
Changmin sighed.
“And don’t cut that throat, your neck is beautiful and what if I can’t hear ‘I love you too’ from you anymore?” Yunho added playfully.
Changmin let out a small chuckle. He looked up at Yunho, and he wanted to say thank you, but he was kinda shy. So he kissed Yunho’s chin.
Yunho smiled. “There’s this delicious tiramisu-“
“Great. I’m starving.”
It just felt so different.
Julien’s rough stubble brushed against his right ear and Changmin turned to face the man, and kissed him. Julien accepted the kiss and his wide palm travelled to Changmin’s back and held his head. Changmin let the man bit his upper lip lightly, and pushed his tongue in the French’s mouth.
Julien pulled back. “The water. Almost forgot.” He chuckled. He turned off the stove and poured the hot water to their cups.
Changmin finished washing the dishes and sat in the couch. Not long after, Julien joined him, brought two cups of coffee.
“Do you want to tell me?” Julien asked after Changmin received his cup.
Changmin didn’t expect Julien was still remember about it. “It’s nothing,”
“You can tell me everything. I mean, I tell you ever single unimportant stuff in my class.” Julien said.
“Just tired, I guess… I don’t know either. Please don’t make a fuss about it.” Changmin hoped he didn’t say the last sentence bossily, but seemed like Julien didn’t mind.
“My parents are going to Japan next week and I wonder if you want to accompany me visiting them.” Julien said.
Changmin almost spilled his coffee and he put the cup on the table. “What?”
“My mother asked if… you know, if I’m seeing someone when I’m in Korea. And I kinda say I have you…” Julien said slowly. “Is it okay with you?”
“Well- I… actually, yeah… but-“ Changmin didn’t know why he was stuttering. He cleared his throat. “Continue,”
“Yeah, so… she asked if I could bring you with me to Japan, you know. For a little vacation together. I mean, we don’t have to stick with them all the time. Maybe a dinner or lunch once or twice, then we can go exploring, just the two of us. I know that my parents hate it when I’m interfering with their love trip.”
“Oh.” Changmin didn’t know what else to say.
Julien was also clueless. “Um… have you visited Japan before?”
“Yes…” Changmin bit his lip. “When the sakura bloom.” I went with Yunho. He looked down. “It was lovely.”
Julien hummed. “So… do you want to go?”
Changmin looked at the man beside him.
“I can book our flight.”
*
Kai was waiting outside, helped an old man refilling a cup of water because the dispenser was beside him, and that was the time when Yunho came out from the doctor’s room.
“How is it, Hyung?”
“The doctor said I can walk again.”
Kai could see light emitted from Yunho’s gorgeous face.
“He said it was time for some therapy and exercises. There’s this exercise I need to do every morning. And some during evening, and before I go to bed. It will be around five or six weeks the longest until I can walk normally again.” Yunho couldn’t help his grin and his eyes turned into crescent of happiness.
“That’s great, Hyung!” Kai could feel the burst of happiness in his heart transferred from Yunho.
“But… well, I still have to wear my crutches in the meantime.” Yunho looked at his crutches regretfully.
“But you can walk again!” Kai stated. “Gosh, Hyung, I can’t wait to see you dance!”
Yunho smiled to Kai. “I can’t either, Kai.”
“Oh! And what’s these exercises? I will totally help you with that!” Kai said excitedly. “Maybe I’ll do that too, who knows if they’re good stretching materials?”
“Okay,” Yunho nodded.
Kai hugged Yunho. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you.” Yunho patted Kai’s back. “It feels good to know.”