Rebel 38 [Action // Written]
[Now that she's recovered from the Mu incident, Litchi is trying to straighten up loose ends. There's been a lot on her mind ever since it all happened, and there are definitely some things that need addressing. After a walk around the village, and a trip to the item shop to find some new glasses -- the left lens on hers was badly cracked in the
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I have yet to have much in the way formal medical training, Doctor Faye-Ling, but I would be most willing to be trained if you and Doctor Mizuno - or any others - would be able to assist me. I would also be glad to volunteer the next time - I meant to, before, but things were [- ... this is going to be an understatement ... -] very difficult during the last emergency.
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[Oh, Robert. She's sure the Mu incident hit him hard. She's heard plenty about the casualties.]
And I certainly can't blame you for this last emergency. I wasn't able to provide much help either.
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... And, Litchi? It hit him harder than would be easy to tell. Considering Giles died right in front of him to protect him...]
I was [...] incapable of assisting, for the most part. [... Mostly due to the fact he was mentally incapacitated.]
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And honestly, I wasn't in the best shape either. I can hardly blame you for anything, it [...] really was terrible.
[To say the least.]
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[There's a noticeable pause before Robert writes anything else.]
Were you attacked, Doctor Faye-Ling?
[He hopes the answer is no, but...]
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Were you hurt, Professor Hastings?
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... At her question, though, he just... pauses. And filters the message, because he's ashamed... so very profoundly ashamed.]
Yes. I was attacked, but [...] a close friend of mine intercepted the attack, and was killed.
[There is a very long pause here, before Robert writes, in a tiny script:] I had meant to take the attack in his stead.
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Professor Hastings, I'm so sorry. [...] It never gets any easier, but if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know. Having a friend to talk to can help, at least.
[At least, it helped her a bit when Goroh was killed some time ago.]
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[The image of his death is still fresh - still sharp - in Robert's mind. He still remembers how Giles crumpled forward as those three blades stabbed a trifecta of bloodied holes in his body. It is an image that will never leave him.
... His writing is noticeably shakier now.]
But he should have never died at all. And he never would have died if I had not approached Ms. Vermillion. But I thought she would listen to reason. I thought she would talk to me.
[The last period trails off a little, disjointedly, and Robert catches a small sob. Even after almost two weeks, this still aches tremendously.]
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[After all, she knew full well that Noel was a Murakumo. She had just anticipated that she might listen like Nu or Lambda.
Litchi pauses for a moment before continuing, her handwriting slow and almost uncertain. She feels a little silly opening up with something so simple that means so much to her, but here goes.]
I'm not sure if this may help, but -- someone told me once not to try to fight the past. You should fight for the future instead. Dwelling on it won't change anything; all we can do is work to learn from the past to better our futures.
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[Robert doesn't want Giles to die again. He doesn't want anybody to die... especially not because of something that was his own fault.]
And I was supposed to repay my friend, for all he has done for me - and then he did this. How can I ever be a proper friend to him if I am always relying on him? And this is true for others, too - I have never been able to repay you for what you have done for me, either.
[He's always so helpless - too helpless to do anything.]
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I'm sure your friend was thinking along those same lines.
[There's another long pause before she continues. Given all that's been going on lately, it's getting harder to keep clammed up so tightly on all her own secrets. Even so, it's still hard to find the words for, and her writing is even slower, pausing uncertainly throughout the paragraph.]
Professor Hastings, I know how hard it is when you feel as if any harm done to a friend is your fault. I lost a loved one to a fate worse than death because of an idea I came up with. But please, don't let it eat you up entirely. I'd hate to see you make any similar mistakes to what I've done.
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You deserve them too, though. And yet I am too weak to give anything back. This is why I want to find some way to help somehow.
[That next part? That... that makes Robert very sad. He knows that Litchi would have never done something like that on purpose... so surely it would hurt her even more.]
I lost a loved one too. I [... can he really write this? He pauses too, before admitting this much, haltingly:] drove him away because of my mistakes.
Perhaps I cannot say I understand entirely, but there may be a commonality.
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[As much as all of this hurts to talk about, she knows that he can't keep it bottled up forever. She won't push it all because she knows how it is to try to keep it clammed up -- after all, she's still trying to hide a lot about her own past -- but she does want to try to help as much as she can.
She only hopes her words can come to mean as much to him as they did to her when Thirteen first said them so long ago.]
It's hard, I know. But if you aim to improve the future rather than stay intimidated by past shortcomings, you can at least prevent any of the same from happening again.
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... This is especially true with his friends, who he is desperately afraid of losing.]
I do not think I would ever make these mistakes again, given any sort of choice at all. They were profound ones, and they did more than just destroy my relationships.
[His hand is so very shaky when he writes. But Litchi's words already mean quite a lot.]
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[Big Sister Mode is in full swing. She's worried about him, of course, but she's bent on making sure that he doesn't end up obsessing the same way she did. Or at least dragging it out as long. She knows how scientist types can be.]
If you need any help at all - with anything - please let me know. It's hard enough to go through these things, but you don't have to do it alone.
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