Can't Stand It - v76
Title: Can’t Stand It - Vignettes
Rating: NC-17 for the whole story
Genre: au
Summary: Jack drives to Wyoming when he hears about Ennis’ divorce. He does not react well to Ennis sending him away.
Warnings: Angst, bad grammar, typos.....no death and I like happily ever after.
Disclaimer: I borrowed these characters and I make no money from this.
Feedback: Yes, be honest- just be nice about it. I’m sorry that I write the lamest responses.
ENJOY!
Can’t Stand It
V76
Jack and Ennis were curled up on the couch when Bobby strolled in. “How was your date, Pup?”
“Fine, Dad. Going to bed. Night.”
Jack sat up and watched Bobby walk up stairs. He then went back into position and waited to shut the door. “I think he lost his virginity tonight.”
“Jack...”
“He has a small smile, he’s humming softly...”
“Jack...”
“His shirt is inside out, Ennis.”
“That doesn’t mean he...”
“It just...I have a feeling.”
Ennis stroked Jack’s back. “You had the original talk. We had a refresher. We did the birth control discussion, what else we can we do.”
“You’re calm. What if Jenny was the one who strolled by.”
“Don’t even let me think about that. Remember, I already had to deal with Junior. There isn’t a thing you can do about it, Jack.”
“I know.”
The next morning they all sat at breakfast. The Sunday paper was spread across the table. When they finished eating Jack looked over at Bobby. “Do you have any questions?”
Bobby looked confused, “About what?”
“Anything...”
“What are you talking about?”
“I thought you might have some questions...Now that...”
Bobby stood up. “Do you have cameras on me or something? Can’t I have anything for myself? It’s like I never get any peace.” Bobby stomped out of the house.
Ennis put his hand on Jack. “Did you need to do that?”
“Knock it off, Ennis. It’s a big deal.”
“Steffie’s a nice girl, usually.”
“He’s been hurt by so many people, Ennis. She could really hurt him.”
“He’s not that fragile, Jack. He’s not a little boy.”
“He might not be, but he’s my little boy.” Jack got up and left the room.
Ennis could hear him go upstairs. Ennis sat at the table trying to decide which Twist he should go talk to first. He went outside and walked to the hammock. “Can I join your pity party?”
“I’m not having a pity party.” Bobby sighed. “You can join gala.”
Ennis climbed onto hammock so he was facing Bobby. “He can’t help it, Bobby. He doesn’t want you to get hurt, he’d wrap you in that bubble wrap if he could.”
“I’m not hurt, but he always sticks his nose into everything...And then you defend him.”
“Jack’s a busybody. He got that from Brenda. It has good parts and bad parts. He loves you so damn much, Bobby. You’re his life.”
“You’re his life, Ma.”
“We’re his life, okay?” Ennis pat Bobby’s legs. “So he was right?”
“As usual. How does he know these things? It’s spooky.”
“He just knew. Do you have any questions?”
“No...Well, I know you did it with Alma at least twice, but you really didn’t like it?” Bobby looked at him funny. “You don’t have to answer, Ennis. I know you don’t like to talk about it.”
Ennis was conflicted about speaking his truths. “It wasn’t like I didn’t like it, it just didn’t make me feel like...”
“Like you do with my Dad?”
“Yeah. How’d it make you feel?”
“It felt good. Steffie means a lot to me, thought I would feel closer to her, somehow. I thought I would feel...I think the two of you ruined me.”
“What? Just because were gay...”
“I didn’t mean that I’m suddenly going to like guys. I don’t want to be with a guy, it’s just that I know that you two make it seem like love is easy.”
“Love isn’t easy...You live here, Bobby. You know that.”
“I don’t mean everything around us, but the two of you. The two of you are a couple, it obvious. Brenda and Sam. Alma and Monroe. A single touch and I can see what it does to the other. I thought that I could have that...Felt good, but it didn’t make me love her.” Bobby threw his hand over his head. “I sound like a girl.”
“A little.” Ennis smiled as Bobby gave him the finger. “Sex doesn’t mean love, Bobby.”
“It does for Steffie.”
“You aren’t going to dump her now that you slept with her?”
“Am is stupid? No way. I finally can have sex. Just wish I felt more.”
“Just be careful. I don’t want to become a Grandma anytime soon.”
Bobby laughed and turned around and hugged Ennis. “Grandma Ennis. I would love to hear that, but I’m not planning to be a Daddy for a long time.”
“Good to hear. You should go talk to your Dad.”
“I swear you could change your career and become a shrink.”
Ennis laughed. “You two, Jenny and Junior are enough to deal with.”
“I bet.” They got off the hammock and walked to the house. Neither saw Jack in the window.
+++
Jack knew he should be happy that Bobby could talk to Ennis, but he was jealous. It wasn’t the first time and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. He climbed back on the bed, pouting. A few minutes later he heard a knock on the door. “Come in.”
Bobby walked in and looked at Jack. “My pity party was more fun.”
“That so.”
Bobby climbed onto the bed and sat next to his father. “Yeah. Dad, I know you have the scary ability to read me pretty well, but you need to keep it inside. I’ll come to you when I need you, I promise.”
“Okay.”
Bobby raised his eyebrows. “That easy?”
“Not that easy for me. But, I’ll do what you need.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Did you have a good talk with Ennis?”
“What?”
“He didn’t come here, so I know he went to you.”
Bobby slid down and rested his head on his father’s chest. “I gave him permission to tell you everything later, okay?”
“Okay. Did he help?” Jack wrapped his arms around Bobby.
“Yeah.”
“I’m glad.” Jack kissed the side of Bobby’s head.
“You slept with more people than Ennis.”
“You know that.”
“It’s just that you’re less shy about talking about it.”
“I guess I don’t want to repeat what my parents did or didn’t do.”
“What did they say?”
“She said nothing. My father called women, whores, so I don’t think he was the man to go to. What do you really want to ask me, Bobby?”
“So why do you want to be with men, not women?”
“I want to be with Ennis.”
“I know that. So what makes men what you want? I know it was my first...And second time, but I liked everything...Well, physically.”
“Physically?”
“Ennis will explain to you later. I might even give you permission to talk to me about it, but please answer the question?”
“I’m sorry, I lost my place. What’s the question?”
“You’ve had sex with both, why do you like a male body next to you more than a female?”
“Why do you need to know?”
“Always wondered. Now that I’ve done it, well, it was on my mind.”
“Was Steffie just an experiment to you?”
“No, Dad. But it crossed my mind. Are you really too uncomfortable about telling me.”
“I never thought why, Bobby. Women’s bodies are nice, but wasn’t really what I wanted...Shit...Sometimes sex is to get off, sometimes it’s comfort or love or affection or passion or joy...It can be many things. I just prefer a man’s body, I don’t know why.”
“Once you were with Ennis, was he the only one you really wanted?”
“Yeah.”
“What about my mother?”
“Oh, Pup. I was so sad and lonely. Your mom was...Well, she focused her sights on me and that was it.”
“You never really liked her.”
“No. I liked her, even loved her for a while, but she must’ve felt that I didn’t feel like I should. I think she started to turn bitter.”
“You blame yourself for her being a bitch.”
“I think I didn’t help.”
++++
Spring break was the only school vacation where all the kids had the same time off. Junior’s started first and she would start it Wyoming and then come from Kansas with Jenny. She would only spend a couple of days with them and then fly back to Michigan. Jenny would then fly back to Wyoming alone on the last day. Jack knew that Ennis didn’t like Jenny flying alone, but she was now 17 and a junior in high school and made a statement that she was insulted that he thought her incapable.
Jenny, as promised, created a small graduation ceremony and party for them. Ennis and Jack argued about where to put the certificates they received. Ennis thought the office would be fine, but Jack pointed out that Ennis didn’t spend much time in there. Ennis didn’t want it in the living room. Jack thought Ennis was embarrassed that it took the GED to get a high school diploma. Ennis replied that he just didn’t think it was people’s business; he thought they did it for themselves. Finally, they decided to put them on the wall of the upstairs hallway. Only people who were close to them made it upstairs, but it was still public.
++++
Jack still carried around the worry about Junior and Jenny pulling Ennis away from Bobby. He hoped since they were older, it wouldn’t be an issue, but patterns were hard to break. Ennis had tried to calm his nerves by pointing out it hadn’t been an issue for a while, but it didn’t help. Jack pointed out to him that when they had been all together last; it had been Thanksgiving and Christmas when there were a lot of people. Junior hadn’t been to Kansas except Christmas and Jenny had been there a few times, but without Junior as extra competition for affections, her behavior was better.
Jack knew that Bobby was older and handled things better when it came to Junior and Jenny, but he also knew that something was bothering Bobby and he wasn’t talking about it. It made him crazy that Bobby wasn’t coming to him and just hoped he was talking to someone.
Jack found Bobby sitting on his rock. He sat down next to Bobby when Bobby didn’t yell at him for bothering him. “What’s going on, Pup?” Bobby leaned against him.
“I want to break up with Steffie and I don’t know how. I’m never the one who ends things. I mean I got dumped last time, but even with friends…I was always the one who got dumped…Even Lureen…Grandma…They just left me. I know what it’s like to be left behind, I just don’t think I can hurt someone like that.”
“Don’t you think she may know something is up? You can’t date her forever and be miserable.”
“I can’t hurt her like that.”
“You are hurting her by being with her when you don’t want to be.”
“Is that what you think you did with Lureen? You’re angry with her, but I always felt that you weren’t as angry as you are capable of.”
“You mean because I think I caused some of her bad behavior? Maybe. Why don’t you want to be with Steffie?”
“I don’t love her like I should. I care for her and I know I love her, but I don’t have those deeper feelings and I just…I want more. I want her to have more.” Bobby sighed, “I deserve more...”
Jack pulled Bobby closer to him and kissed the side of his face. “You deserve the world, Bobby. And of all people, you deserve happiness and love. It’s okay to know what you want and need. You aren’t married with kids, Bobby. You’re seventeen.”
“She’s just…I really like her…I could be friends with her for ever…I just don’t…I don’t miss her when she isn’t around me…I should miss her… I should get excited to see her…She’s just comfortable. Ironically, it makes me uncomfortable. I probably shouldn’t even say this to you, but even the sex is comfortable…no spark.”
“Is there someone else you’re looking at?”
“No. I rather be alone than be with her and feel alone.”
“Then talk to her.”
“I know.”
Bobby curled up into a ball and put his head on his lap. Jack stroked Bobby’s hair. “Bobby…”
“I don’t want to be the bad guy. I don’t want to hurt her. It’s only been a little while…How’d you break up with Ennis? It must’ve killed you?”
“You mean before we moved here?”
“Yeah. You love each other like crazy.”
“We did. I just couldn’t live like that anymore. And it almost did kill me. But, I had you, Pup. I came home to you and I knew we both needed something better.”
“I don’t think Bert or Ernie’s lives are going to change.”
“You’ll pay attention to them more. Mine will. You’ll bite my head off more.”
Bobby snorted. “Shut up.”
“See. It’s happening already.” Jack rubbed Bobby’s back and felt Bobby slowly relax.
++++
Ennis noticed Bobby and Jack returning to the house. He saw that Bobby looked upset, but Jack didn’t. He ran everything that happened with Jenny and Junior and he couldn’t think of anything that would bother Bobby. Jack’s calm face didn’t help him either; it just confused him more. Bobby walked by him quietly so he turned to Jack and raised his eyebrows.
Jack whispered, “Steffie….We’ll talk later.”
Ennis pulled Jack into the laundry room and shut the door. “Now.”
Jack leaned against the washer. “He wants to break up with her. Wants to feel more. Feels sad and guilty.”
“Oh…Jack, go take Jenny and Junior to the frame store so they can pick out something they find acceptable for our diplomas. They both hate what we picked and it will get them out of the house.” Ennis walked out of the laundry room and back into the kitchen. He grabbed two spoons from a drawer and then two pints of ice cream from the freezer.
“They haven’t broken up yet.”
“They have in his head. Let me do this for him. Especially with the girls here.”
Jack kissed Ennis’ cheek. “You’re a good Ma.”
Ennis gave Jack a dirty look and walked upstairs. He knocked on Bobby’s door and heard a quiet, ‘come in.’ He ignored Bobby’s annoyed look as he shut the door and walked toward the bed.
“He couldn’t keep quiet for ten seconds?”
“I dragged it out of him. You looked so…I was worried I did something…You know with Jenny and Junior here. Anyway, don’t be mad at him. This is all me.”
Bobby grabbed a spoon and the flavor that was his favorite. “I haven’t broken up with her, yet.”
“Yes, you have. You just haven’t said the words, yet.”
Bobby sighed. “You really should think about a degree in social work.”
Ennis sat down next to Bobby, put his legs up and leaned against the pillows. “Maybe I just like ice cream.”
Bobby rested his head on Ennis’ shoulder. “Am I doing the right thing?”
“You should be happy, Bobby. You aren’t happy.”
“But…”
“You aren’t married to each other, you don’t have kids…You haven’t even dated a year…Don’t you think she might feel the lacking, too?”
“I don’t know. I sometimes think she just takes what life gives her and she is just happy when it’s pleasant. I don’t know.”
“Do you want pleasant?”
“Hell no.”
“Then you have your answer.”
++++
Jack stood back as Jenny and Junior stood in front of their two top choices. He could see that they looked different from each other and from the ones he and Ennis picked, but he really didn’t see a big difference. He did notice that for some reason it made Jenny and Junior feel like part of the process. Even though it was the end of the process, it seemed to be enough for them.
They seemed a little disappointed when the salesperson said it would take a week before the diplomas could be picked up. They tried their best to change his mind, but when the salesman looked over at Jack he realized that no woman was going to change his mind. Jenny and Junior had figured it out, too and teased him in the truck that he should’ve flirted with him.
Jack laughed. “I would never do that to your father.”
“But we want to be here when they get rehung,” Jenny replied.
“Oh, I should create great gossip so you two are happy?”
Junior laughed, “Yes.”
“You two are wicked…”
+++
Ennis was in the kitchen cooking dinner when he heard Jenny, Junior and Jack laughing as they entered the house. After he heard the story he threatened to ground Jenny and Junior who both laughed, kissed his cheek and walked out of the kitchen. He then walked over to Jack and kissed him hard. “Thanks for protecting my honor.”
“I want a better thank you later.”
“Maybe…” Ennis laughed and went back to the stove.
“How’s Bobby?”
“He drove over to talk to Steffie. He really wanted to love her. He tried to will himself to, but he couldn’t.”
“Like you and Alma? Or even Nancy…”
Ennis turned around and looked at Jack. He couldn’t decide if he was impressed that Jack connected the dots or really angry. Jack didn’t look angry, just curious. “It’s not the same thing.”
“Isn’t it a little bit?”
“He isn’t gay. He isn’t in love with someone else.”
“He wants more than what he’s got.”
“Isn’t that more you and Lureen?”
“I left her…I was ready to leave her a few times…For you…Alma broke up with you and Nancy figured you out.”
“We both wanted more, Jack.”
“But you stayed, Ennis. Would you have stayed with Alma if she hadn’t wanted a divorce?”
“I…Probably…But she wouldn’t have lasted…She wanted more. She was braver than me.”
“You know, Ennis, I always found it slightly ironic that Steffie worked in a supermarket.”
“Jack, are you itching for an argument? What’s going on?”
“I don’t want to fight, Ennis. I’m just…It’s just hard to know that he needs so much because of how life has treated him and I can’t fix it for him. I make his life harder in so many ways. Not on purpose, but being my son…And Steffie was so good for him…In some ways. I want him to have someone in his life that makes me feel the way you do.”
Ennis walked over and stroked Jack’s cheek. “He’s only seventeen.”
“We weren’t much older.”
“And we tortured each other for years…Do you want that for him?”
“No.”
“Times have changed. He’s not going to settle. He’s going to love and almost love a lot girls before he finds someone.”
“You don’t think he’s going to make a play for Amanda?”
Ennis laughed. “You and Brenda…I think that they could be great together, but he’s in high school and she’s not in the same place as him.”
“Do you think we have enough ice cream?”
“I told him to pick some up on the way home.”
+++
Jack waited on the porch swing in case Bobby wanted to talk. He didn’t think he would want an audience. It didn’t take long to hear Bobby’s truck pull up and park. Bobby soon appeared holding a grocery bag. It didn’t surprise Jack in the least when Ennis walked out onto the porch. Bobby silently handed Ennis the bag and let Ennis kiss cheek. Bobby then headed to him and sat next to him on the swing. Ennis walked back inside the house. Jack waited for Bobby to move or speak.
“She wasn’t mad or caused a fuss, but she was surprised. She thought I like us being mellow because so much of my life isn’t. She said she didn’t want me to be unhappy. I kept apologizing and she kept saying she knew I was sorry. She didn’t seem sad until she got up to go back into her house. Like she was trying to be stoic and she couldn’t anymore. She glanced back at me once and it was the face of someone who was trying to hold back her tears and they were about to come. I really hate what I did to her. I did that to her.”
“You’d hurt her more if you stayed.”
“Do you think that’s why Alma was so angry with Ennis for so long? He was willing to stay even though he didn’t feel what he should’ve felt.”
“I think she had a lot of reasons to be angry with him; that’s just one of them.”
“I know she’s smart and will be going places but I feel like I gave her a place outside of school, work and her family where she could just be. I’m taking that away from her.”
“She’ll find something better.”
“When? I wish I could find her someone to make her happy. I wouldn’t feel so fucking guilty.”
“Pup, she knows you didn’t cheat and there isn’t someone else. She…”
“She knows she wasn’t enough…That’s a terrible feeling…I know that feeling…”
“Bobby, she also knows that you care enough about her to make sure that she could be with someone who loves her the right way.”
“What if it is me being all needy…I know I have issues about that.”
“Do you feel bad about breaking up with her or do you just feel guilty about hurting her?” Jack waited. Bobby didn’t say anything for a few minutes. He could see that Bobby was thinking.
“Guilty.”
“Then you did the right thing.”
“Still sucks.”
“I know.” He could see that Bobby wanted to snuggle and be comforted, but Bobby’s size made it difficult. “You want to hang out on the hammock with me?”
“Yeah.”
As they walked toward the hammock Jack put his arm around Bobby. “You talking me into buying it was one of the smartest things you ever did.”
“I know.”
They hadn’t been on the hammock for more than a minute when he heard the kitchen door open and shut. A few moments later he had a face full of fur. “Fucking Ennis.” The cats settled on him because Bobby was curled up next to him. “He’s…”
“He knew they would make me feel better.”
“And annoy me.”
“He should’ve tied ice cream and spoons to them.”
Jack laughed. “Yes, he should’ve.”
+++
Ennis leaned out of the open screen door to yell dinner, but something made him stop. He felt something was off and noticed the cats run passed him and into the house. He walked out the door and toward the hammock. He ran when he could here Bobby gasping for air. When he reached the hammock he could see that Jack was calming Bobby down. Bobby wasn’t crying, but was still trying to get some control of his breathing. “Bobby?”
Jack answered. “Bobby fell asleep and woke up from a nightmare.”
Ennis climbed onto the hammock behind Bobby and tried to hold him. Bobby’s reaction to the nightmare was very much like some of Jack’s reactions. It shook him to his core. “You’re safe, Bobby. It’s okay.” It took some time for Bobby to breath normally.
“I don’t even really remember most of my dream…I just remember LD pushing me…Now me…Down the stairs and Lureen at the bottom telling me I was just like them…I then felt like I was being choked, but I don’t know who was doing it and then I woke up.”
Ennis rubbed Bobby’s arm. “You aren’t like them.”
“I put my feelings first.”
Jack spoke. “They were cowards, Bobby. You were honest. You didn’t hurt your grandchild or your own child. You didn’t abandon them. You broke up with your high school girlfriend. I know you hurt and feel bad, but don’t make them equal. It’s not remotely the same thing.”
“I hurt someone I care about.”
“I know. And you hurt, but you are being a bit dramatic and overblown.”
Ennis could see the hurt look in Bobby’s eyes. He had to hold onto the hammock as it almost flipped when Bobby flung himself over him and off the hammock. He watched as Bobby marched into the house. “Jack…”
“I know I was a bit harsh, but…I can’t have him regress and I rather him be mad at me than create this bullshit pity party.”
“Well, now he’ll have both.”
“No…He’s mad because he knows I spoke the truth. I need to let him hurt, but I can’t let him create this new trauma for himself.”
Ennis thought for a moment and wondered if Jack had a point. He didn’t have time to think because Bobby was out the door marching toward the driveway. He almost fell out of the hammock again as Jack leaped off to get in front of the path of Bobby.
“Hell no. You aren’t driving anywhere.”
“Why not?”
“You are too pissed off to get behind the wheel of a car.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you aren’t. Now give me the keys.”
“You don’t trust me?”
“Give me the keys and go into the house. NOW!”
“You are such an asshole.”
“Now.”
Ennis watched as Bobby tossed the key at Jack and stormed into the house. He knew that Bobby threw them hard. “Jack…”
“Take the keys and go back in the house, Ennis. I’ll be in soon.”
“Jack…”
“Please, Ennis…I need a few minutes.”
Ennis walked into the house and Junior and Jenny were leaning against the counters. “Do we want to know?” Junior asked.
“No.” Ennis hung up the keys. “Did he go upstairs?”
“Yeah. Slammed the door. You know dinner’s ready.”
“Can you put things on the table? I’m not sure if either Twist will be joining up tonight.” Ennis then headed upstairs. He knocked on the door.
“Fuck off, Dad.”
“It’s Ennis. I’m not talking through a closed door.” He opened it. “Dinner is ready.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“I can hear your stomach, Bobby.”
“He’s being an asshole.”
“You’re being a drama queen.” He could see Bobby was getting angrier. “Wash up and come down for dinner”
Ennis walked downstairs and was surprised that Bobby appeared a few moments later. Jack never came into the house. Bobby was quiet and ate. After dinner he left the kids to the cleanup and went outside. He found Jack sitting in the bed of Bobby’s truck. “You really thought he would take off.”
“I would’ve. I would’ve run off for hours and know I was going to get beaten to a pulp, but I would’ve. I would’ve broken every traffic rule and took my chances.”
“Jack…”
“I told you…Death never scared me…Well, my own death. At his age…I don’t know how I survived the shit I pulled or my father. I just needed to make sure…Did he cool off?”
“I think so.”
“Did he eat?”
“Yeah.”
“Then he cooled off. Ennis, for all the times you both tell me how much I know him, I’m guessing. Just guessing a lot of the time. I know I baby him and then I’m too harsh, but the middle doesn’t seem to work.”
“He’ll be fine.”
“I just couldn’t…All roads don’t lead to LD and Lureen. He broke up with his girlfriend…He didn’t kill her. He needs to get his bearings.”
“Are you going to be out here all night?”
“Probably not. I just need time. I don’t like being the bad guy any more than he does.”
“You want company?”
“Not really.”
“Do you want me to make you a plate?”
“Not really hungry.”
“Don’t stay out too long.” Ennis walked away from the truck and around the tall hedges and almost smacked right into Bobby. He tilted his head at Bobby and Bobby held out his hands to show him he had no keys. He wondered how much Bobby heard. He guessed enough that he didn’t look angry. Ennis walked away from him and toward the house.
++++
Jack watched as Bobby appeared. Bobby didn’t look mad.
“I’m not going to drive off.”
“Good to know.”
“So you had a death wish at my age?”
“How much did you hear?”
“Enough.”
“I didn’t want to die, Bobby. I just wasn’t scared to.”
“What did your father do to you when you got home from these driving adventures?”
“Usually finish what he started.”
“Dad…”
“Bobby…” Jack sighed. “He already made me drop out of school at your age so he could really do whatever he wanted. No one could see what he did or the results or my recovery.”
“Why’d you stay?”
“I think I still thought it was me and I could fix it…I don’t know. I would’ve been dead if I left at that age.”
“Dad…”
“It’s true.”
“I’m not a drama queen.”
“I didn’t call you that.”
“Ennis did.”
“Oh. You are. Sometimes.”
“I know I sometimes react to things younger than I should. Or a blame LD and Lureen for things I shouldn’t.” Bobby sighed. “Doris is going to have a field day with this.”
“Trudy, too.”
“You were still an asshole.”
“So were you.”
Jack watched Bobby’s face to see that even though he didn’t say the words, he agreed. “Are you going to come inside?”
“Yeah.” Jack climbed out of the truck and they walked back to the house.
“We okay?” Bobby asked.
Jack put his arm around Bobby. “Yeah.”
Tbc
Playstation2 Game Rental Online
Rating: NC-17 for the whole story
Genre: au
Summary: Jack drives to Wyoming when he hears about Ennis’ divorce. He does not react well to Ennis sending him away.
Warnings: Angst, bad grammar, typos.....no death and I like happily ever after.
Disclaimer: I borrowed these characters and I make no money from this.
Feedback: Yes, be honest- just be nice about it. I’m sorry that I write the lamest responses.
ENJOY!
Can’t Stand It
V76
Jack and Ennis were curled up on the couch when Bobby strolled in. “How was your date, Pup?”
“Fine, Dad. Going to bed. Night.”
Jack sat up and watched Bobby walk up stairs. He then went back into position and waited to shut the door. “I think he lost his virginity tonight.”
“Jack...”
“He has a small smile, he’s humming softly...”
“Jack...”
“His shirt is inside out, Ennis.”
“That doesn’t mean he...”
“It just...I have a feeling.”
Ennis stroked Jack’s back. “You had the original talk. We had a refresher. We did the birth control discussion, what else we can we do.”
“You’re calm. What if Jenny was the one who strolled by.”
“Don’t even let me think about that. Remember, I already had to deal with Junior. There isn’t a thing you can do about it, Jack.”
“I know.”
The next morning they all sat at breakfast. The Sunday paper was spread across the table. When they finished eating Jack looked over at Bobby. “Do you have any questions?”
Bobby looked confused, “About what?”
“Anything...”
“What are you talking about?”
“I thought you might have some questions...Now that...”
Bobby stood up. “Do you have cameras on me or something? Can’t I have anything for myself? It’s like I never get any peace.” Bobby stomped out of the house.
Ennis put his hand on Jack. “Did you need to do that?”
“Knock it off, Ennis. It’s a big deal.”
“Steffie’s a nice girl, usually.”
“He’s been hurt by so many people, Ennis. She could really hurt him.”
“He’s not that fragile, Jack. He’s not a little boy.”
“He might not be, but he’s my little boy.” Jack got up and left the room.
Ennis could hear him go upstairs. Ennis sat at the table trying to decide which Twist he should go talk to first. He went outside and walked to the hammock. “Can I join your pity party?”
“I’m not having a pity party.” Bobby sighed. “You can join gala.”
Ennis climbed onto hammock so he was facing Bobby. “He can’t help it, Bobby. He doesn’t want you to get hurt, he’d wrap you in that bubble wrap if he could.”
“I’m not hurt, but he always sticks his nose into everything...And then you defend him.”
“Jack’s a busybody. He got that from Brenda. It has good parts and bad parts. He loves you so damn much, Bobby. You’re his life.”
“You’re his life, Ma.”
“We’re his life, okay?” Ennis pat Bobby’s legs. “So he was right?”
“As usual. How does he know these things? It’s spooky.”
“He just knew. Do you have any questions?”
“No...Well, I know you did it with Alma at least twice, but you really didn’t like it?” Bobby looked at him funny. “You don’t have to answer, Ennis. I know you don’t like to talk about it.”
Ennis was conflicted about speaking his truths. “It wasn’t like I didn’t like it, it just didn’t make me feel like...”
“Like you do with my Dad?”
“Yeah. How’d it make you feel?”
“It felt good. Steffie means a lot to me, thought I would feel closer to her, somehow. I thought I would feel...I think the two of you ruined me.”
“What? Just because were gay...”
“I didn’t mean that I’m suddenly going to like guys. I don’t want to be with a guy, it’s just that I know that you two make it seem like love is easy.”
“Love isn’t easy...You live here, Bobby. You know that.”
“I don’t mean everything around us, but the two of you. The two of you are a couple, it obvious. Brenda and Sam. Alma and Monroe. A single touch and I can see what it does to the other. I thought that I could have that...Felt good, but it didn’t make me love her.” Bobby threw his hand over his head. “I sound like a girl.”
“A little.” Ennis smiled as Bobby gave him the finger. “Sex doesn’t mean love, Bobby.”
“It does for Steffie.”
“You aren’t going to dump her now that you slept with her?”
“Am is stupid? No way. I finally can have sex. Just wish I felt more.”
“Just be careful. I don’t want to become a Grandma anytime soon.”
Bobby laughed and turned around and hugged Ennis. “Grandma Ennis. I would love to hear that, but I’m not planning to be a Daddy for a long time.”
“Good to hear. You should go talk to your Dad.”
“I swear you could change your career and become a shrink.”
Ennis laughed. “You two, Jenny and Junior are enough to deal with.”
“I bet.” They got off the hammock and walked to the house. Neither saw Jack in the window.
+++
Jack knew he should be happy that Bobby could talk to Ennis, but he was jealous. It wasn’t the first time and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. He climbed back on the bed, pouting. A few minutes later he heard a knock on the door. “Come in.”
Bobby walked in and looked at Jack. “My pity party was more fun.”
“That so.”
Bobby climbed onto the bed and sat next to his father. “Yeah. Dad, I know you have the scary ability to read me pretty well, but you need to keep it inside. I’ll come to you when I need you, I promise.”
“Okay.”
Bobby raised his eyebrows. “That easy?”
“Not that easy for me. But, I’ll do what you need.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Did you have a good talk with Ennis?”
“What?”
“He didn’t come here, so I know he went to you.”
Bobby slid down and rested his head on his father’s chest. “I gave him permission to tell you everything later, okay?”
“Okay. Did he help?” Jack wrapped his arms around Bobby.
“Yeah.”
“I’m glad.” Jack kissed the side of Bobby’s head.
“You slept with more people than Ennis.”
“You know that.”
“It’s just that you’re less shy about talking about it.”
“I guess I don’t want to repeat what my parents did or didn’t do.”
“What did they say?”
“She said nothing. My father called women, whores, so I don’t think he was the man to go to. What do you really want to ask me, Bobby?”
“So why do you want to be with men, not women?”
“I want to be with Ennis.”
“I know that. So what makes men what you want? I know it was my first...And second time, but I liked everything...Well, physically.”
“Physically?”
“Ennis will explain to you later. I might even give you permission to talk to me about it, but please answer the question?”
“I’m sorry, I lost my place. What’s the question?”
“You’ve had sex with both, why do you like a male body next to you more than a female?”
“Why do you need to know?”
“Always wondered. Now that I’ve done it, well, it was on my mind.”
“Was Steffie just an experiment to you?”
“No, Dad. But it crossed my mind. Are you really too uncomfortable about telling me.”
“I never thought why, Bobby. Women’s bodies are nice, but wasn’t really what I wanted...Shit...Sometimes sex is to get off, sometimes it’s comfort or love or affection or passion or joy...It can be many things. I just prefer a man’s body, I don’t know why.”
“Once you were with Ennis, was he the only one you really wanted?”
“Yeah.”
“What about my mother?”
“Oh, Pup. I was so sad and lonely. Your mom was...Well, she focused her sights on me and that was it.”
“You never really liked her.”
“No. I liked her, even loved her for a while, but she must’ve felt that I didn’t feel like I should. I think she started to turn bitter.”
“You blame yourself for her being a bitch.”
“I think I didn’t help.”
++++
Spring break was the only school vacation where all the kids had the same time off. Junior’s started first and she would start it Wyoming and then come from Kansas with Jenny. She would only spend a couple of days with them and then fly back to Michigan. Jenny would then fly back to Wyoming alone on the last day. Jack knew that Ennis didn’t like Jenny flying alone, but she was now 17 and a junior in high school and made a statement that she was insulted that he thought her incapable.
Jenny, as promised, created a small graduation ceremony and party for them. Ennis and Jack argued about where to put the certificates they received. Ennis thought the office would be fine, but Jack pointed out that Ennis didn’t spend much time in there. Ennis didn’t want it in the living room. Jack thought Ennis was embarrassed that it took the GED to get a high school diploma. Ennis replied that he just didn’t think it was people’s business; he thought they did it for themselves. Finally, they decided to put them on the wall of the upstairs hallway. Only people who were close to them made it upstairs, but it was still public.
++++
Jack still carried around the worry about Junior and Jenny pulling Ennis away from Bobby. He hoped since they were older, it wouldn’t be an issue, but patterns were hard to break. Ennis had tried to calm his nerves by pointing out it hadn’t been an issue for a while, but it didn’t help. Jack pointed out to him that when they had been all together last; it had been Thanksgiving and Christmas when there were a lot of people. Junior hadn’t been to Kansas except Christmas and Jenny had been there a few times, but without Junior as extra competition for affections, her behavior was better.
Jack knew that Bobby was older and handled things better when it came to Junior and Jenny, but he also knew that something was bothering Bobby and he wasn’t talking about it. It made him crazy that Bobby wasn’t coming to him and just hoped he was talking to someone.
Jack found Bobby sitting on his rock. He sat down next to Bobby when Bobby didn’t yell at him for bothering him. “What’s going on, Pup?” Bobby leaned against him.
“I want to break up with Steffie and I don’t know how. I’m never the one who ends things. I mean I got dumped last time, but even with friends…I was always the one who got dumped…Even Lureen…Grandma…They just left me. I know what it’s like to be left behind, I just don’t think I can hurt someone like that.”
“Don’t you think she may know something is up? You can’t date her forever and be miserable.”
“I can’t hurt her like that.”
“You are hurting her by being with her when you don’t want to be.”
“Is that what you think you did with Lureen? You’re angry with her, but I always felt that you weren’t as angry as you are capable of.”
“You mean because I think I caused some of her bad behavior? Maybe. Why don’t you want to be with Steffie?”
“I don’t love her like I should. I care for her and I know I love her, but I don’t have those deeper feelings and I just…I want more. I want her to have more.” Bobby sighed, “I deserve more...”
Jack pulled Bobby closer to him and kissed the side of his face. “You deserve the world, Bobby. And of all people, you deserve happiness and love. It’s okay to know what you want and need. You aren’t married with kids, Bobby. You’re seventeen.”
“She’s just…I really like her…I could be friends with her for ever…I just don’t…I don’t miss her when she isn’t around me…I should miss her… I should get excited to see her…She’s just comfortable. Ironically, it makes me uncomfortable. I probably shouldn’t even say this to you, but even the sex is comfortable…no spark.”
“Is there someone else you’re looking at?”
“No. I rather be alone than be with her and feel alone.”
“Then talk to her.”
“I know.”
Bobby curled up into a ball and put his head on his lap. Jack stroked Bobby’s hair. “Bobby…”
“I don’t want to be the bad guy. I don’t want to hurt her. It’s only been a little while…How’d you break up with Ennis? It must’ve killed you?”
“You mean before we moved here?”
“Yeah. You love each other like crazy.”
“We did. I just couldn’t live like that anymore. And it almost did kill me. But, I had you, Pup. I came home to you and I knew we both needed something better.”
“I don’t think Bert or Ernie’s lives are going to change.”
“You’ll pay attention to them more. Mine will. You’ll bite my head off more.”
Bobby snorted. “Shut up.”
“See. It’s happening already.” Jack rubbed Bobby’s back and felt Bobby slowly relax.
++++
Ennis noticed Bobby and Jack returning to the house. He saw that Bobby looked upset, but Jack didn’t. He ran everything that happened with Jenny and Junior and he couldn’t think of anything that would bother Bobby. Jack’s calm face didn’t help him either; it just confused him more. Bobby walked by him quietly so he turned to Jack and raised his eyebrows.
Jack whispered, “Steffie….We’ll talk later.”
Ennis pulled Jack into the laundry room and shut the door. “Now.”
Jack leaned against the washer. “He wants to break up with her. Wants to feel more. Feels sad and guilty.”
“Oh…Jack, go take Jenny and Junior to the frame store so they can pick out something they find acceptable for our diplomas. They both hate what we picked and it will get them out of the house.” Ennis walked out of the laundry room and back into the kitchen. He grabbed two spoons from a drawer and then two pints of ice cream from the freezer.
“They haven’t broken up yet.”
“They have in his head. Let me do this for him. Especially with the girls here.”
Jack kissed Ennis’ cheek. “You’re a good Ma.”
Ennis gave Jack a dirty look and walked upstairs. He knocked on Bobby’s door and heard a quiet, ‘come in.’ He ignored Bobby’s annoyed look as he shut the door and walked toward the bed.
“He couldn’t keep quiet for ten seconds?”
“I dragged it out of him. You looked so…I was worried I did something…You know with Jenny and Junior here. Anyway, don’t be mad at him. This is all me.”
Bobby grabbed a spoon and the flavor that was his favorite. “I haven’t broken up with her, yet.”
“Yes, you have. You just haven’t said the words, yet.”
Bobby sighed. “You really should think about a degree in social work.”
Ennis sat down next to Bobby, put his legs up and leaned against the pillows. “Maybe I just like ice cream.”
Bobby rested his head on Ennis’ shoulder. “Am I doing the right thing?”
“You should be happy, Bobby. You aren’t happy.”
“But…”
“You aren’t married to each other, you don’t have kids…You haven’t even dated a year…Don’t you think she might feel the lacking, too?”
“I don’t know. I sometimes think she just takes what life gives her and she is just happy when it’s pleasant. I don’t know.”
“Do you want pleasant?”
“Hell no.”
“Then you have your answer.”
++++
Jack stood back as Jenny and Junior stood in front of their two top choices. He could see that they looked different from each other and from the ones he and Ennis picked, but he really didn’t see a big difference. He did notice that for some reason it made Jenny and Junior feel like part of the process. Even though it was the end of the process, it seemed to be enough for them.
They seemed a little disappointed when the salesperson said it would take a week before the diplomas could be picked up. They tried their best to change his mind, but when the salesman looked over at Jack he realized that no woman was going to change his mind. Jenny and Junior had figured it out, too and teased him in the truck that he should’ve flirted with him.
Jack laughed. “I would never do that to your father.”
“But we want to be here when they get rehung,” Jenny replied.
“Oh, I should create great gossip so you two are happy?”
Junior laughed, “Yes.”
“You two are wicked…”
+++
Ennis was in the kitchen cooking dinner when he heard Jenny, Junior and Jack laughing as they entered the house. After he heard the story he threatened to ground Jenny and Junior who both laughed, kissed his cheek and walked out of the kitchen. He then walked over to Jack and kissed him hard. “Thanks for protecting my honor.”
“I want a better thank you later.”
“Maybe…” Ennis laughed and went back to the stove.
“How’s Bobby?”
“He drove over to talk to Steffie. He really wanted to love her. He tried to will himself to, but he couldn’t.”
“Like you and Alma? Or even Nancy…”
Ennis turned around and looked at Jack. He couldn’t decide if he was impressed that Jack connected the dots or really angry. Jack didn’t look angry, just curious. “It’s not the same thing.”
“Isn’t it a little bit?”
“He isn’t gay. He isn’t in love with someone else.”
“He wants more than what he’s got.”
“Isn’t that more you and Lureen?”
“I left her…I was ready to leave her a few times…For you…Alma broke up with you and Nancy figured you out.”
“We both wanted more, Jack.”
“But you stayed, Ennis. Would you have stayed with Alma if she hadn’t wanted a divorce?”
“I…Probably…But she wouldn’t have lasted…She wanted more. She was braver than me.”
“You know, Ennis, I always found it slightly ironic that Steffie worked in a supermarket.”
“Jack, are you itching for an argument? What’s going on?”
“I don’t want to fight, Ennis. I’m just…It’s just hard to know that he needs so much because of how life has treated him and I can’t fix it for him. I make his life harder in so many ways. Not on purpose, but being my son…And Steffie was so good for him…In some ways. I want him to have someone in his life that makes me feel the way you do.”
Ennis walked over and stroked Jack’s cheek. “He’s only seventeen.”
“We weren’t much older.”
“And we tortured each other for years…Do you want that for him?”
“No.”
“Times have changed. He’s not going to settle. He’s going to love and almost love a lot girls before he finds someone.”
“You don’t think he’s going to make a play for Amanda?”
Ennis laughed. “You and Brenda…I think that they could be great together, but he’s in high school and she’s not in the same place as him.”
“Do you think we have enough ice cream?”
“I told him to pick some up on the way home.”
+++
Jack waited on the porch swing in case Bobby wanted to talk. He didn’t think he would want an audience. It didn’t take long to hear Bobby’s truck pull up and park. Bobby soon appeared holding a grocery bag. It didn’t surprise Jack in the least when Ennis walked out onto the porch. Bobby silently handed Ennis the bag and let Ennis kiss cheek. Bobby then headed to him and sat next to him on the swing. Ennis walked back inside the house. Jack waited for Bobby to move or speak.
“She wasn’t mad or caused a fuss, but she was surprised. She thought I like us being mellow because so much of my life isn’t. She said she didn’t want me to be unhappy. I kept apologizing and she kept saying she knew I was sorry. She didn’t seem sad until she got up to go back into her house. Like she was trying to be stoic and she couldn’t anymore. She glanced back at me once and it was the face of someone who was trying to hold back her tears and they were about to come. I really hate what I did to her. I did that to her.”
“You’d hurt her more if you stayed.”
“Do you think that’s why Alma was so angry with Ennis for so long? He was willing to stay even though he didn’t feel what he should’ve felt.”
“I think she had a lot of reasons to be angry with him; that’s just one of them.”
“I know she’s smart and will be going places but I feel like I gave her a place outside of school, work and her family where she could just be. I’m taking that away from her.”
“She’ll find something better.”
“When? I wish I could find her someone to make her happy. I wouldn’t feel so fucking guilty.”
“Pup, she knows you didn’t cheat and there isn’t someone else. She…”
“She knows she wasn’t enough…That’s a terrible feeling…I know that feeling…”
“Bobby, she also knows that you care enough about her to make sure that she could be with someone who loves her the right way.”
“What if it is me being all needy…I know I have issues about that.”
“Do you feel bad about breaking up with her or do you just feel guilty about hurting her?” Jack waited. Bobby didn’t say anything for a few minutes. He could see that Bobby was thinking.
“Guilty.”
“Then you did the right thing.”
“Still sucks.”
“I know.” He could see that Bobby wanted to snuggle and be comforted, but Bobby’s size made it difficult. “You want to hang out on the hammock with me?”
“Yeah.”
As they walked toward the hammock Jack put his arm around Bobby. “You talking me into buying it was one of the smartest things you ever did.”
“I know.”
They hadn’t been on the hammock for more than a minute when he heard the kitchen door open and shut. A few moments later he had a face full of fur. “Fucking Ennis.” The cats settled on him because Bobby was curled up next to him. “He’s…”
“He knew they would make me feel better.”
“And annoy me.”
“He should’ve tied ice cream and spoons to them.”
Jack laughed. “Yes, he should’ve.”
+++
Ennis leaned out of the open screen door to yell dinner, but something made him stop. He felt something was off and noticed the cats run passed him and into the house. He walked out the door and toward the hammock. He ran when he could here Bobby gasping for air. When he reached the hammock he could see that Jack was calming Bobby down. Bobby wasn’t crying, but was still trying to get some control of his breathing. “Bobby?”
Jack answered. “Bobby fell asleep and woke up from a nightmare.”
Ennis climbed onto the hammock behind Bobby and tried to hold him. Bobby’s reaction to the nightmare was very much like some of Jack’s reactions. It shook him to his core. “You’re safe, Bobby. It’s okay.” It took some time for Bobby to breath normally.
“I don’t even really remember most of my dream…I just remember LD pushing me…Now me…Down the stairs and Lureen at the bottom telling me I was just like them…I then felt like I was being choked, but I don’t know who was doing it and then I woke up.”
Ennis rubbed Bobby’s arm. “You aren’t like them.”
“I put my feelings first.”
Jack spoke. “They were cowards, Bobby. You were honest. You didn’t hurt your grandchild or your own child. You didn’t abandon them. You broke up with your high school girlfriend. I know you hurt and feel bad, but don’t make them equal. It’s not remotely the same thing.”
“I hurt someone I care about.”
“I know. And you hurt, but you are being a bit dramatic and overblown.”
Ennis could see the hurt look in Bobby’s eyes. He had to hold onto the hammock as it almost flipped when Bobby flung himself over him and off the hammock. He watched as Bobby marched into the house. “Jack…”
“I know I was a bit harsh, but…I can’t have him regress and I rather him be mad at me than create this bullshit pity party.”
“Well, now he’ll have both.”
“No…He’s mad because he knows I spoke the truth. I need to let him hurt, but I can’t let him create this new trauma for himself.”
Ennis thought for a moment and wondered if Jack had a point. He didn’t have time to think because Bobby was out the door marching toward the driveway. He almost fell out of the hammock again as Jack leaped off to get in front of the path of Bobby.
“Hell no. You aren’t driving anywhere.”
“Why not?”
“You are too pissed off to get behind the wheel of a car.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you aren’t. Now give me the keys.”
“You don’t trust me?”
“Give me the keys and go into the house. NOW!”
“You are such an asshole.”
“Now.”
Ennis watched as Bobby tossed the key at Jack and stormed into the house. He knew that Bobby threw them hard. “Jack…”
“Take the keys and go back in the house, Ennis. I’ll be in soon.”
“Jack…”
“Please, Ennis…I need a few minutes.”
Ennis walked into the house and Junior and Jenny were leaning against the counters. “Do we want to know?” Junior asked.
“No.” Ennis hung up the keys. “Did he go upstairs?”
“Yeah. Slammed the door. You know dinner’s ready.”
“Can you put things on the table? I’m not sure if either Twist will be joining up tonight.” Ennis then headed upstairs. He knocked on the door.
“Fuck off, Dad.”
“It’s Ennis. I’m not talking through a closed door.” He opened it. “Dinner is ready.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“I can hear your stomach, Bobby.”
“He’s being an asshole.”
“You’re being a drama queen.” He could see Bobby was getting angrier. “Wash up and come down for dinner”
Ennis walked downstairs and was surprised that Bobby appeared a few moments later. Jack never came into the house. Bobby was quiet and ate. After dinner he left the kids to the cleanup and went outside. He found Jack sitting in the bed of Bobby’s truck. “You really thought he would take off.”
“I would’ve. I would’ve run off for hours and know I was going to get beaten to a pulp, but I would’ve. I would’ve broken every traffic rule and took my chances.”
“Jack…”
“I told you…Death never scared me…Well, my own death. At his age…I don’t know how I survived the shit I pulled or my father. I just needed to make sure…Did he cool off?”
“I think so.”
“Did he eat?”
“Yeah.”
“Then he cooled off. Ennis, for all the times you both tell me how much I know him, I’m guessing. Just guessing a lot of the time. I know I baby him and then I’m too harsh, but the middle doesn’t seem to work.”
“He’ll be fine.”
“I just couldn’t…All roads don’t lead to LD and Lureen. He broke up with his girlfriend…He didn’t kill her. He needs to get his bearings.”
“Are you going to be out here all night?”
“Probably not. I just need time. I don’t like being the bad guy any more than he does.”
“You want company?”
“Not really.”
“Do you want me to make you a plate?”
“Not really hungry.”
“Don’t stay out too long.” Ennis walked away from the truck and around the tall hedges and almost smacked right into Bobby. He tilted his head at Bobby and Bobby held out his hands to show him he had no keys. He wondered how much Bobby heard. He guessed enough that he didn’t look angry. Ennis walked away from him and toward the house.
++++
Jack watched as Bobby appeared. Bobby didn’t look mad.
“I’m not going to drive off.”
“Good to know.”
“So you had a death wish at my age?”
“How much did you hear?”
“Enough.”
“I didn’t want to die, Bobby. I just wasn’t scared to.”
“What did your father do to you when you got home from these driving adventures?”
“Usually finish what he started.”
“Dad…”
“Bobby…” Jack sighed. “He already made me drop out of school at your age so he could really do whatever he wanted. No one could see what he did or the results or my recovery.”
“Why’d you stay?”
“I think I still thought it was me and I could fix it…I don’t know. I would’ve been dead if I left at that age.”
“Dad…”
“It’s true.”
“I’m not a drama queen.”
“I didn’t call you that.”
“Ennis did.”
“Oh. You are. Sometimes.”
“I know I sometimes react to things younger than I should. Or a blame LD and Lureen for things I shouldn’t.” Bobby sighed. “Doris is going to have a field day with this.”
“Trudy, too.”
“You were still an asshole.”
“So were you.”
Jack watched Bobby’s face to see that even though he didn’t say the words, he agreed. “Are you going to come inside?”
“Yeah.” Jack climbed out of the truck and they walked back to the house.
“We okay?” Bobby asked.
Jack put his arm around Bobby. “Yeah.”
Tbc
Playstation2 Game Rental Online