Well Maybe What You Want is Right Here 36/?
Title: Well Maybe What You Want is Right Here 36/?
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Rating: M
Summary: Sometimes we don't realize what we want until we just know. And sometimes we realize that certain things are worth fighting for. Starts a day or two after the scene in 11x08, and follows Callie and Arizona over the next year and possibly more. Timeline may not be perfectly canon.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: I just feel like I should state that while I haven't experienced any kind of physical disability on my own, I have done a bunch of research and this chapter reflects something I stumbled across and had never really thought of before. That said, this chapter is also just kind of...fun and fluff. At least, I had fun with it.
Also, I feel like this story is starting to wind down....I've finally figured out how it ends, and it feels like it's soon going to be time. But if there's anything you'd like to see in between, do let me know! Ideas and comments are always welcome. :)
Chapters 1 - 35
Six weeks later.
Callie
I'm somewhere between sleep and consciousness when I vaguely register the sound of my wife's voice talking to me -- or at least I think she's talking to me. Did she say my name?
"Callie!"
Definitely my name. I blink awake, sudden realization hitting my sleep-addled brain, and bolt upright in bed as my eyes immediately go to the woman sitting on the other side.
"I'm awake! Oh my god, is it baby ti--"
My panic trails off when the blonde looks over her shoulder at me, eyebrow quirked slightly in amusement.
"No, still four weeks, honey, don't have a heart attack. But I do have a problem."
I let out a breath to calm my racing heart -- of course we still have four weeks to go, I know that. But I have a feeling that every time my wife wakes me for the next month I'm going to wake in a blind panic expecting her to be in labour.
"What's wrong?" I frown a little, reaching out to rub my hand along her shoulder, "are you okay?"
"I can't get my leg on."
I shift up to crawl over the bed, settling beside her where she sits on the edge.
"Okay well, we can get it adjusted again today...let me see, is your thigh just really swollen this morning?"
"No, I mean..." she pauses, motioning to the artificial limb she's holding upright in front of her, "I can't..." she shifts her position a bit to slip it on, and after struggling for a moment lets out a sigh of frustration, "I can't see down there anymore. I can't manoeuver around my giant beluga belly to make sure I'm getting it on properly!"
Her eyes drop down to her very large, rounded stomach and she motions helplessly at it.
"I struggled yesterday but I managed to get it on but I just can't reach and what if I didn't get good suction and then I go to stand up and--"
She's more frustrated sounding than anything else, but there's a tinge of worry in her voice and a slight rising panic that I remember from years ago when this was all new to her. I reach over and grab her hand, solidly wrapping my fingers around hers, and she cuts off mid sentence and looks at me with a glaze of barely-there tears across her eyes.
"Hey," I begin, meeting her eyes, "hey, listen. It's okay, Arizona. So I'll help you, this doesn't have to be a big deal. That's why I'm here."
"But it is a big deal, Callie! If I can't get my prosthetic on by myself that effectively limits my mobility! My independence! Am I just supposed to stay home in bed for the next month? What if you're not here in the morning? What if you're on shift and I'm not, or you get called in the middle of the night and have to leave before me? What then?"
She slips her hand from mine and leans the robotic leg against the bed, her voice raising slightly again.
"Call Sofia? I can't get a five-year-old to help me. And what if she's not here either! I can't be dependent on you like that!"
I climb up, moving to kneel in front of her, and I take both her hands and squeeze until she looks toward me. There's definite panic colouring her eyes now, along with frustration and anger and a lot of the emotions I didn't know how to recognize for a long time after her amputation -- but that I finally learned to understand and read in the other woman. I can tell the wetness gathering in the corners of her eyes is about to fall, and it breaks my heart knowing how upset and vulnerable she must be feeling right now.
"Arizona, sweetie, look at me."
Blue eyes meet mine, and I hold them for a moment before speaking again, squeezing her hands again in a show of solidarity.
"This is going to be alright -- hear me out, okay?"
She nods just a little, pulling one hand back to wipe hastily at her eyes.
"We basically have the same shift schedule as it is -- there's what? One day right now we don't get up and go to work at the same time. So I'll talk to Chief today, and I'm sure she'll understand and I can switch with Carlson, or even Edwards for the next little while. And whenever I'm on call during night shift, if I ever need to leave...well...then I wake you up, help you at least get your leg on before I go. I mean that's not ideal, I know, but you could go back to sleep even with it on if you had to...it's happened before. Then at least you're good to go when you need to get up."
She nods a little again, diverting her eyes from me to her stomach again.
"I mean and honestly, how often does that happen? If anything, when I get paged in the middle of the night it's usually because there's an all-hands-on-deck situation and you'd be going in too."
"Callie...it's not even just...what about getting up in the middle of the night? What if Sofia is calling for me? And I have to pee every couple hours, I don't want to wake you every time I need to get out of bed..."
"Wake me," I insist firmly, reaching up to brush an errant tear running down her cheek, "I don't mind."
The blonde still looks hesitant, so I offer up another answer...although I'm not sure she'll like it.
"Or...we can bring the wheelchai--"
Her reply is quiet, and a little pained, and it makes my heart clench in my chest.
"Callie, no..."
"The crutches, then," I touch her chin, tilting her eyes back up to me, "I'll bring them out from the closet, and we can just leave them within reach. If you need to get up and don't want to wake me, at least you have something, okay? I don't feel great about it...but I know you manoeuver pretty easily with them."
"Yeah..." her lips turn up a little at the corners and she lets out a short laugh, "I have some experience."
I smile right back, taking each of her hands in mine again, my thumb lightly rubbing circles across the warm, soft skin of her palm. I honestly hadn't anticipated this -- neither of us had, clearly -- but I feel like it's something that should have occurred to me. I should have been better prepared for her, to help her deal with this new change -- what I'm sure she's seeing as another betrayal of her body, another fight she has to win against herself.
"I can almost forget most days..." she sighs softly, eyes dropping down to where our hands are joined, "almost. That I'm disabled now, that I'm less than...whole. But then something like this--"
"You are not less than whole, Arizona. You're not less than anything."
"I am though. And my most important job for the next four weeks is to protect this baby," she drops my hands and softly, protectively curls them around her stomach, "and I could put her in danger because I can't even walk by myself. What if I fall? What if there's an emergency?"
"Arizona."
I press both of my palms to her stomach, gently smoothing them over the taut skin covered by her thin tank top, and the motion silences her, her blue eyes simply watching the motion of my hands.
"My most important job -- always -- is to protect you. You, and Sofia, and Audrey."
She nods just a little, reaching up to wipe the corner of her eye again.
"And I'm not going to let anything happen to you, okay? I'm right here. Right by your side."
The words have barely left my lips when the blonde leans forward, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders and hugging me as close as she can get. She presses her face into my neck and I just lean up on my knees and let my arms follow suit, curling them around her body securely as she rests against me.
"I love you, do you know that?"
Her voice comes out as a murmur, and I can feel her breath softly tickling the side of my neck as she speaks. I smile, bringing a hand up to stroke through her soft curls, and she just sighs lightly in response -- the familiar action has always given her comfort, and it's always instinctual for me when she's in my arms. I hope I've alleviated some of her worry.
"I do."
"I'm scared."
"It'll be okay. I mean, once you do have your leg on you can walk just fine, you haven't lost anything--"
"No, I mean--"
She shifts back a bit and I take the opportunity to get off my knees and move up to sit on the bed again. Arizona immediately leans into my side as I slide my arm around her shoulders, and she rests her cheek against the crook of my neck again, curling against me.
"I'm nervous. I only have four weeks."
I can't help the smile that tugs at my lips as I press a kiss to the top of my wife's head, and I softly smooth my hand in a wide circle over her stomach.
"I know how you feel. But you can do this, sweetie -- after everything else you've been through? This is going to be a piece of cake."
She catches me by surprise when she pokes me hard right in the chest.
"Tell me again when this child is ripping me apart."
"You've got curves -- really great curves -- you'll have good birthing hips."
"Thank you, grandma. That doesn't make me feel better!"
I laugh softly, tilting her chin up so I can kiss those delightfully soft lips of hers again.
"I know, I'm sorry," I kiss her a second time, lightly tugging her pouting bottom lip between my own, "mm, but it'll be okay. I'll be right there with you then, too, and just think of the end result -- we'll get to meet our daughter."
"My lady bits might never be the same, you know."
"Trust me," I glance down at her, licking my lips unconsciously, "I will love your lady bits no matter what. If anything, you really don't have to freak out about that."
Her head falls onto my shoulder again and she slumps against me with a sigh.
"Didn't I used to be the rational, logical one in this marriage?"
"Yeah," I chuckle softly, "but you don't always have to be. I mean, yesterday I came home and you cried for half an hour over the fact that we don't have a Roomba. This is actually kind of mild in comparison."
The smaller woman lets out a soft groan again and hides her face against me.
"I'm a walking pregnant stereotype."
There's a slight pause, and then she laughs lightly, lifting her head and waving her hand toward her shortened limb and the prosthetic still leaning forlornly against the mattress.
"Well. Maybe not walking."
Her laugh rings out again and I shake my head, unable to help myself from joining her as she muffles herself against me, her hand gripping my t-shirt as she explodes with giggles. The sound of a happy Arizona is my favourite sound in the world, and whether it's just a hormonal mood swing or what, my heart swells a little with joy when her vibrant blue eyes look up to meet mine.
"You're ridiculous."
She lets a quick grin grace her features, and I take the opportunity to shift her out of my arms and onto her back, straddling my arms on either side of her as I dip my head to kiss her.
"Mm, you love it."
I smile as she mumbles the words against my lips, her strong fingers sliding into my hair to hold me close as she deepens the kiss.
"I love you."
*
"Dr. Torres!"
At the sound of my name I look up from my phone to see our newest addition to the hospital -- Dr. Elise Cassano -- walking my way. Dr. Cassano is the maternal-fetal specialist from Philadelphia here to replace Arizona for the next few months, and even though I harbour a slight streak of jealously for the woman who was my wife's college girlfriend, I have to admit that I actually like her a lot as a person.
"Hey, Dr. Cassano. What's up?"
"I could use a consult. I've got a patient downstairs, thirty-five weeks pregnant, came in after a fall down the front steps of her porch. She's definitely broken her ankle, but I want to make sure it's not going to require surgery. It's a pretty good break judging by the x-rays."
"I can come now," my attention immediately captured, I slip my phone back in my pocket and push myself off the couch to follow her, "is the baby alright? Any other injuries?"
"She's got some good bruising along her hip, but otherwise just the ankle. I'm monitoring the baby but she appears to be nice and snug in there, and I'm not worried right now. Mom's obviously freaked out though."
"Yeah, no kidding."
The slightly shorter brunette hits the buttons as we get into the elevator, glancing toward me with a smile.
"So, excited for the shower this afternoon?"
"Hm?"
I look over from watching the elevator lights, a questioning hum leaving my lips.
"The baby shower? It's at three today, right?"
Now I'm definitely confused -- and immediately a little worried. I didn't plan a baby shower. Arizona didn't want a baby shower.
"Umm...for who?"
Her green eyes flash in amusement as she raises an eyebrow.
"For...Arizona? I got the email invite weeks ago. Dr. Kepner sent them out..." her eyes widen slightly as she takes in my expression, "shit, she said it was a surprise for Arizona but I assumed that you were helping plan it..."
The elevator doors slide open with a ding onto the bustling emergency room floor, and Elise flashes me a sheepish, slightly guilty smile. I follow her out with a feeling of dread building in my chest -- we talked about this; we told all our friends that we didn't want them to do anything big. I'm going to kill April.
If my wife doesn't do it herself, that is.
*
The pregnant patient in the ER luckily doesn't require any surgery -- it's a clean break -- but she takes a liking to me so I stay and get the bone set, make her feel a little more comfortable, and get her in a cast before leaving her to Dr. Cassano's care. I spy Alex on my way down the hall and hurry to catch up with the younger man, grabbing his sleeve to get his attention as I fall into step beside him.
"Did you know about this baby shower?" I hiss under my breath, shooting him a look, "you couldn't have, I don't know, mentioned it to me?!"
The peds doctor turns and gives me a questioning look.
"Dude, I thought you knew about that. Didn't you help plan it? You're all yay parties and stuff."
"No I didn't help plan it! We told people we didn't want any kind of shower."
"Kepner said you were helping her plan it."
Oh, April is in for a world of pain when I find her. I should have known -- I should have been onto her. She loves these things even more than I do.
"Arizona is going to freak -- I need to give her advance warning this is happening. You know she hates these things, Alex! She hates having the attention on her. And she hates surprises."
He gives me a look of disbelief and holds his hands and tablet up between us in defense.
"It wasn't my idea. Besides, once she gets there she'll be fine, you worry too much -- and she's in surgery," he checks his watch, "right now with Gillis. They're gonna be in there until at least two-thirty."
Great, I groan inwardly. My wife is going to be exhausted after a long surgery, and she's going to be pissed off when she gets led into a surprise party immediately afterward. Or she's going to burst out crying -- I really hope she doesn't burst out crying.
"You know, she's going to be mad at you too for not telling her."
He pauses just slightly, his face taking on a slightly worried expression as he contemplates this fact.
"Shit. Why am I even friends with you people?"
*
I try to take Karev's advice and not worry too much about the impending "event" happening later in the day, and I end up setting another bone in the ER and doing some work on my latest project in the lab, becoming completely distracted until I realize it's nearly two o'clock and I haven't had any lunch yet.
Locking up the robotics equipment in the small room, I shrug my lab coat back on and head towards the cafeteria, scanning the room as I wait in line with my sandwich for any familiar faces to sit with. I know my wife's still in her surgery -- I checked on my way here -- but after a minute I spot Amelia across the room and wind my way through the tables to get to her.
"Shepherd!" I drop into the chair across from the slightly startled brunette and open the saran wrap on my chicken sandwich, "what's the deal with this baby shower for Arizona? Do you even know how pissed she's going to be when she finds out you didn't tell us?!"
"Hey, hey whoa now--" the neurosurgeon flips her notebook shut and points at me, eyebrow raised, "for your information, I wasn't even invited to this thing until yesterday. Because apparently Kepner forgot that, you know, Arizona and I are friends or anything. I'm her best friend -- we hang out all the time around this place. I'm the baby's freaking godmother!"
I take a bite of the lackluster sandwich and roll my eyes a little at the smaller woman's indignation.
"April's also one of her best friends, you know. You should get to know her better -- surprisingly I think you two would actually get along."
Amelia raises her coffee cup to her lips and lets out a slight huff.
"But anyways, it's not that big a deal, right? I know you guys said not to plan any big thing, but blah blah baby showers are cute -- it'll be kinda sweet. You'll get gifts."
"Arizona hates having all the attention on her -- you know that. That's exactly why she didn't want a shower."
She hums and nods a bit in agreement, but shrugs a shoulder as she gives me a helpless look.
"Well, she's getting one. I already saw Kepner hanging streamers and balloons before I came down to lunch. And a crap ton of food and cupcakes were already there -- I think the entire nursing staff brought something. People really like her, you know. I mean, you're both pretty liked and you're kind of that disgustingly-sweet-fairy-tale couple of the hospital, but people really love Arizona. This is a whole shindig. I think there are crafts."
Groaning slightly as I pick up my cup, I take a long sip of the hot liquid.
"That's what I was afraid of. And she just wasn't have a great morning today; this is the last thing she needs."
"I can go up there and disband the merry troops."
"No, you can't," I sigh, setting the cup down again, "April will be crushed. And then Arizona will be upset that April is upset, and that we forced everyone to cancel after they did all this work. I just have to warn her when she gets out of surgery."
Amelia lets out a half laugh and leans back in her chair, arms crossing over her chest.
"I can't wait to see how this goes down."
I just shake my head at the other doctor and we sit in companionable silence for a bit as I finish off my sandwich and people mill back and forth past our table. I appreciate Amelia's dedication and willingness to go kick some party-planning ass, but there really just isn't a good way out of this. Personally, I actually don't mind...and if I'm honest, I'm kind of excited. I love baby showers. But I caved to Arizona on this and I wanted to hold up my end of the bargain.
"In other news--"
I glance over as the brunette starts to talk again, her eyes flitting across the room to a few people who have just wandered into the cafeteria line.
"What do you know about Elise Cassano?"
The name rolls off her lips in what's almost a hushed tone -- almost like she's deliberately feeling the name out.
"Uh, probably about as much as you?" I follow her eyes and see the other doctor chatting with a resident, "Arizona and her did their undergrad together. I haven't really talked to her much yet, but she seems nice. Supposed to be brilliant. Why?"
"She's hot, right? Like, really gorgeous."
I blink, stunned into silence for a minute. Where the hell did that come from?
"Uh...sure?" I look over again, then look back at the woman in front of me, "I mean yeah, she's pretty...wait, are you..."
I watch her eyes as they linger on the new doctor again.
"Oh my god," I lower my voice to a whisper, "Amelia you're totally checking her out, aren't you. And not being very subtle. I thought you weren't into women!"
"I'm not!"
Her eyes snap back to meet mine, a faint blush colouring her cheeks -- extremely uncharacteristic of the badass younger Shepherd. I've definitely caught her with a schoolgirl crush.
"Yeah, that look in your eyes says otherwise."
"I'm not into women!" she insists again, but slides down her chair a little with a groan, "okay, well you weren't into women before Arizona either, so you know--"
Smirking slightly, I glance at my watch and gather up my trash. It's two-thirty; Arizona should be out of surgery any minute now, so I need to try and hunt her down.
"I have to go, but we are so talking about this later. And I'm telling Arizona."
"I hate you."
"But you loooooove Dr. Cassano."
I grin good-naturedly and laugh as I hear the embarrassed neurosurgeon's parting words.
"I'm going to teach your baby swear words!"
*
"That was great work in there today, Dr. Gillis. And I want to point out how well you handled the father's questions just now too--"
I hear the sound of my wife's voice from down the hall and look up to finally lay eyes on the blonde peds doctor, talking animatedly with her fellow surgeon as they walk towards me. She's still in scrubs, but her lab coat is back on and her scrub cap is tucked into her pocket with her hair let loose from its pinned-back style, so they're clearly done in the OR and heading towards the party. Gillis must be in on this.
"Thanks, Dr. Robbins-Torres," the young doctor smiles as I watch, "um...I need to head up to the fourth floor...walk with me? I'd just like to ask a few questions about--"
Aha! She's totally the bait to lead Arizona upstairs, and that's my cue to swoop in.
"Actually, I need to talk to Dr. Robbins-Torres for a minute," I interrupt the pair, and Arizona blinks up in surprise at me, "it's important."
"Callie, hey, just give me a sec."
"Um, it's okay!" Dr. Gillis smiles, shooting me a knowing look, "I'll catch up with you later."
"What about your questions?"
"I should go update the chart first anyway."
With that, the young doctor turns and takes off toward the stairwell, and Arizona glances at me with a slightly perplexed look.
"That was weird."
"Come with me," I take her hand and lead her around the corner, slowing us down as we head toward the elevators at the far end of the hall, "okay, there's something you need to know. And don't freak out, okay?"
The blonde stops walking, raising her eyebrow with a touch of concern colouring her face.
"Do I...have reason to freak out? Did something happen with Sofia? Is she okay?"
"She's fine," I squeeze her hand, taking a slightly nervous breath, "but...I need to warn you that upstairs, right now, there is a giant surprise baby shower waiting for you to walk in."
I don't even take a minute to gauge her reaction before I continue, lowering my voice to a slightly hushed tone.
"And I just want to say, I had nothing to do with it -- I swear to you. Elise spilled the beans earlier and apparently April planned it and it's become this huge thing and all the nurses brought food and it was supposed to be a surprise for both of us. If I'd known I would have told you. I know you didn't want anything...and you hate surprises...and I was going to go yell at Kepner earlier but I know she's probably put a ton of work into this and--"
Blue eyes blink in surprise as I trail off in a ramble, and she looks down at her round belly before meeting my eyes again, her lips twitching upwards into a...smile.
"Calliope, it's okay."
Now I'm the one who's surprised, and I pause, tilting my head a little to look at her.
"Wait...you're not mad?"
"I'm not mad," she lets out a soft laugh, almost musical to my ears, and runs her hand along my arm reassuringly, "I mean, I really didn't want anything, but I should have known to expect it from April."
"Yeah I had no idea, honestly."
"I'm glad you warned me," she leans in, kissing me lightly, "but really, it's okay. It might even be kind of fun."
I'm still a little stunned at her positive reaction -- I honestly thought she was going to freak out at the idea of a party laying in wait for her. She flashes me an almost delighted grin though and glances upwards at the ceiling.
"Do you think they have a onesie decorating station up there?"
"Okay--" I take a step back, eyes scanning over her in amusement, "where is my wife and what have you done with her?"
She laughs again, grabbing my hand to continue walking toward the elevators. Our fingers link easily together, and she looks over and smiles again as she reaches out to hit the up button.
"I might be going soft. Think you'll still love me?"
She steps into the empty carriage when the doors open and I follow her in, wrapping my arms around her waist as I pull my body flush against her. Every day, every time I think it's impossible to love this woman more...she surprises me.
"I'll always love you."
I drop a soft kiss on her lips as the elevator rises, and she lets out a content sigh, looping her arms up and around my neck.
"I was worried you were going to cry."
"I mean I'll be honest, if you hadn't told me in advance, that would have been a real possibility."
"Make sure you act surprised though," I laugh softly, "or April's going to kill me."
The door dings to signify our entrance to the fourth floor, and the smaller woman pulls away, shooting me a slight grin as we exit into the hallway. The space is surprisingly empty and quiet, a slight hum of chatter sounding in the background, but I can just make out a bit of pink streamer along the door to the lounge down the hall.
"Most importantly--" Arizona takes my hand and heads down the hall, "do you think they have party potatoes? Baby girl is hungry."
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Rating: M
Summary: Sometimes we don't realize what we want until we just know. And sometimes we realize that certain things are worth fighting for. Starts a day or two after the scene in 11x08, and follows Callie and Arizona over the next year and possibly more. Timeline may not be perfectly canon.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: I just feel like I should state that while I haven't experienced any kind of physical disability on my own, I have done a bunch of research and this chapter reflects something I stumbled across and had never really thought of before. That said, this chapter is also just kind of...fun and fluff. At least, I had fun with it.
Also, I feel like this story is starting to wind down....I've finally figured out how it ends, and it feels like it's soon going to be time. But if there's anything you'd like to see in between, do let me know! Ideas and comments are always welcome. :)
Chapters 1 - 35
Six weeks later.
Callie
I'm somewhere between sleep and consciousness when I vaguely register the sound of my wife's voice talking to me -- or at least I think she's talking to me. Did she say my name?
"Callie!"
Definitely my name. I blink awake, sudden realization hitting my sleep-addled brain, and bolt upright in bed as my eyes immediately go to the woman sitting on the other side.
"I'm awake! Oh my god, is it baby ti--"
My panic trails off when the blonde looks over her shoulder at me, eyebrow quirked slightly in amusement.
"No, still four weeks, honey, don't have a heart attack. But I do have a problem."
I let out a breath to calm my racing heart -- of course we still have four weeks to go, I know that. But I have a feeling that every time my wife wakes me for the next month I'm going to wake in a blind panic expecting her to be in labour.
"What's wrong?" I frown a little, reaching out to rub my hand along her shoulder, "are you okay?"
"I can't get my leg on."
I shift up to crawl over the bed, settling beside her where she sits on the edge.
"Okay well, we can get it adjusted again today...let me see, is your thigh just really swollen this morning?"
"No, I mean..." she pauses, motioning to the artificial limb she's holding upright in front of her, "I can't..." she shifts her position a bit to slip it on, and after struggling for a moment lets out a sigh of frustration, "I can't see down there anymore. I can't manoeuver around my giant beluga belly to make sure I'm getting it on properly!"
Her eyes drop down to her very large, rounded stomach and she motions helplessly at it.
"I struggled yesterday but I managed to get it on but I just can't reach and what if I didn't get good suction and then I go to stand up and--"
She's more frustrated sounding than anything else, but there's a tinge of worry in her voice and a slight rising panic that I remember from years ago when this was all new to her. I reach over and grab her hand, solidly wrapping my fingers around hers, and she cuts off mid sentence and looks at me with a glaze of barely-there tears across her eyes.
"Hey," I begin, meeting her eyes, "hey, listen. It's okay, Arizona. So I'll help you, this doesn't have to be a big deal. That's why I'm here."
"But it is a big deal, Callie! If I can't get my prosthetic on by myself that effectively limits my mobility! My independence! Am I just supposed to stay home in bed for the next month? What if you're not here in the morning? What if you're on shift and I'm not, or you get called in the middle of the night and have to leave before me? What then?"
She slips her hand from mine and leans the robotic leg against the bed, her voice raising slightly again.
"Call Sofia? I can't get a five-year-old to help me. And what if she's not here either! I can't be dependent on you like that!"
I climb up, moving to kneel in front of her, and I take both her hands and squeeze until she looks toward me. There's definite panic colouring her eyes now, along with frustration and anger and a lot of the emotions I didn't know how to recognize for a long time after her amputation -- but that I finally learned to understand and read in the other woman. I can tell the wetness gathering in the corners of her eyes is about to fall, and it breaks my heart knowing how upset and vulnerable she must be feeling right now.
"Arizona, sweetie, look at me."
Blue eyes meet mine, and I hold them for a moment before speaking again, squeezing her hands again in a show of solidarity.
"This is going to be alright -- hear me out, okay?"
She nods just a little, pulling one hand back to wipe hastily at her eyes.
"We basically have the same shift schedule as it is -- there's what? One day right now we don't get up and go to work at the same time. So I'll talk to Chief today, and I'm sure she'll understand and I can switch with Carlson, or even Edwards for the next little while. And whenever I'm on call during night shift, if I ever need to leave...well...then I wake you up, help you at least get your leg on before I go. I mean that's not ideal, I know, but you could go back to sleep even with it on if you had to...it's happened before. Then at least you're good to go when you need to get up."
She nods a little again, diverting her eyes from me to her stomach again.
"I mean and honestly, how often does that happen? If anything, when I get paged in the middle of the night it's usually because there's an all-hands-on-deck situation and you'd be going in too."
"Callie...it's not even just...what about getting up in the middle of the night? What if Sofia is calling for me? And I have to pee every couple hours, I don't want to wake you every time I need to get out of bed..."
"Wake me," I insist firmly, reaching up to brush an errant tear running down her cheek, "I don't mind."
The blonde still looks hesitant, so I offer up another answer...although I'm not sure she'll like it.
"Or...we can bring the wheelchai--"
Her reply is quiet, and a little pained, and it makes my heart clench in my chest.
"Callie, no..."
"The crutches, then," I touch her chin, tilting her eyes back up to me, "I'll bring them out from the closet, and we can just leave them within reach. If you need to get up and don't want to wake me, at least you have something, okay? I don't feel great about it...but I know you manoeuver pretty easily with them."
"Yeah..." her lips turn up a little at the corners and she lets out a short laugh, "I have some experience."
I smile right back, taking each of her hands in mine again, my thumb lightly rubbing circles across the warm, soft skin of her palm. I honestly hadn't anticipated this -- neither of us had, clearly -- but I feel like it's something that should have occurred to me. I should have been better prepared for her, to help her deal with this new change -- what I'm sure she's seeing as another betrayal of her body, another fight she has to win against herself.
"I can almost forget most days..." she sighs softly, eyes dropping down to where our hands are joined, "almost. That I'm disabled now, that I'm less than...whole. But then something like this--"
"You are not less than whole, Arizona. You're not less than anything."
"I am though. And my most important job for the next four weeks is to protect this baby," she drops my hands and softly, protectively curls them around her stomach, "and I could put her in danger because I can't even walk by myself. What if I fall? What if there's an emergency?"
"Arizona."
I press both of my palms to her stomach, gently smoothing them over the taut skin covered by her thin tank top, and the motion silences her, her blue eyes simply watching the motion of my hands.
"My most important job -- always -- is to protect you. You, and Sofia, and Audrey."
She nods just a little, reaching up to wipe the corner of her eye again.
"And I'm not going to let anything happen to you, okay? I'm right here. Right by your side."
The words have barely left my lips when the blonde leans forward, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders and hugging me as close as she can get. She presses her face into my neck and I just lean up on my knees and let my arms follow suit, curling them around her body securely as she rests against me.
"I love you, do you know that?"
Her voice comes out as a murmur, and I can feel her breath softly tickling the side of my neck as she speaks. I smile, bringing a hand up to stroke through her soft curls, and she just sighs lightly in response -- the familiar action has always given her comfort, and it's always instinctual for me when she's in my arms. I hope I've alleviated some of her worry.
"I do."
"I'm scared."
"It'll be okay. I mean, once you do have your leg on you can walk just fine, you haven't lost anything--"
"No, I mean--"
She shifts back a bit and I take the opportunity to get off my knees and move up to sit on the bed again. Arizona immediately leans into my side as I slide my arm around her shoulders, and she rests her cheek against the crook of my neck again, curling against me.
"I'm nervous. I only have four weeks."
I can't help the smile that tugs at my lips as I press a kiss to the top of my wife's head, and I softly smooth my hand in a wide circle over her stomach.
"I know how you feel. But you can do this, sweetie -- after everything else you've been through? This is going to be a piece of cake."
She catches me by surprise when she pokes me hard right in the chest.
"Tell me again when this child is ripping me apart."
"You've got curves -- really great curves -- you'll have good birthing hips."
"Thank you, grandma. That doesn't make me feel better!"
I laugh softly, tilting her chin up so I can kiss those delightfully soft lips of hers again.
"I know, I'm sorry," I kiss her a second time, lightly tugging her pouting bottom lip between my own, "mm, but it'll be okay. I'll be right there with you then, too, and just think of the end result -- we'll get to meet our daughter."
"My lady bits might never be the same, you know."
"Trust me," I glance down at her, licking my lips unconsciously, "I will love your lady bits no matter what. If anything, you really don't have to freak out about that."
Her head falls onto my shoulder again and she slumps against me with a sigh.
"Didn't I used to be the rational, logical one in this marriage?"
"Yeah," I chuckle softly, "but you don't always have to be. I mean, yesterday I came home and you cried for half an hour over the fact that we don't have a Roomba. This is actually kind of mild in comparison."
The smaller woman lets out a soft groan again and hides her face against me.
"I'm a walking pregnant stereotype."
There's a slight pause, and then she laughs lightly, lifting her head and waving her hand toward her shortened limb and the prosthetic still leaning forlornly against the mattress.
"Well. Maybe not walking."
Her laugh rings out again and I shake my head, unable to help myself from joining her as she muffles herself against me, her hand gripping my t-shirt as she explodes with giggles. The sound of a happy Arizona is my favourite sound in the world, and whether it's just a hormonal mood swing or what, my heart swells a little with joy when her vibrant blue eyes look up to meet mine.
"You're ridiculous."
She lets a quick grin grace her features, and I take the opportunity to shift her out of my arms and onto her back, straddling my arms on either side of her as I dip my head to kiss her.
"Mm, you love it."
I smile as she mumbles the words against my lips, her strong fingers sliding into my hair to hold me close as she deepens the kiss.
"I love you."
*
"Dr. Torres!"
At the sound of my name I look up from my phone to see our newest addition to the hospital -- Dr. Elise Cassano -- walking my way. Dr. Cassano is the maternal-fetal specialist from Philadelphia here to replace Arizona for the next few months, and even though I harbour a slight streak of jealously for the woman who was my wife's college girlfriend, I have to admit that I actually like her a lot as a person.
"Hey, Dr. Cassano. What's up?"
"I could use a consult. I've got a patient downstairs, thirty-five weeks pregnant, came in after a fall down the front steps of her porch. She's definitely broken her ankle, but I want to make sure it's not going to require surgery. It's a pretty good break judging by the x-rays."
"I can come now," my attention immediately captured, I slip my phone back in my pocket and push myself off the couch to follow her, "is the baby alright? Any other injuries?"
"She's got some good bruising along her hip, but otherwise just the ankle. I'm monitoring the baby but she appears to be nice and snug in there, and I'm not worried right now. Mom's obviously freaked out though."
"Yeah, no kidding."
The slightly shorter brunette hits the buttons as we get into the elevator, glancing toward me with a smile.
"So, excited for the shower this afternoon?"
"Hm?"
I look over from watching the elevator lights, a questioning hum leaving my lips.
"The baby shower? It's at three today, right?"
Now I'm definitely confused -- and immediately a little worried. I didn't plan a baby shower. Arizona didn't want a baby shower.
"Umm...for who?"
Her green eyes flash in amusement as she raises an eyebrow.
"For...Arizona? I got the email invite weeks ago. Dr. Kepner sent them out..." her eyes widen slightly as she takes in my expression, "shit, she said it was a surprise for Arizona but I assumed that you were helping plan it..."
The elevator doors slide open with a ding onto the bustling emergency room floor, and Elise flashes me a sheepish, slightly guilty smile. I follow her out with a feeling of dread building in my chest -- we talked about this; we told all our friends that we didn't want them to do anything big. I'm going to kill April.
If my wife doesn't do it herself, that is.
*
The pregnant patient in the ER luckily doesn't require any surgery -- it's a clean break -- but she takes a liking to me so I stay and get the bone set, make her feel a little more comfortable, and get her in a cast before leaving her to Dr. Cassano's care. I spy Alex on my way down the hall and hurry to catch up with the younger man, grabbing his sleeve to get his attention as I fall into step beside him.
"Did you know about this baby shower?" I hiss under my breath, shooting him a look, "you couldn't have, I don't know, mentioned it to me?!"
The peds doctor turns and gives me a questioning look.
"Dude, I thought you knew about that. Didn't you help plan it? You're all yay parties and stuff."
"No I didn't help plan it! We told people we didn't want any kind of shower."
"Kepner said you were helping her plan it."
Oh, April is in for a world of pain when I find her. I should have known -- I should have been onto her. She loves these things even more than I do.
"Arizona is going to freak -- I need to give her advance warning this is happening. You know she hates these things, Alex! She hates having the attention on her. And she hates surprises."
He gives me a look of disbelief and holds his hands and tablet up between us in defense.
"It wasn't my idea. Besides, once she gets there she'll be fine, you worry too much -- and she's in surgery," he checks his watch, "right now with Gillis. They're gonna be in there until at least two-thirty."
Great, I groan inwardly. My wife is going to be exhausted after a long surgery, and she's going to be pissed off when she gets led into a surprise party immediately afterward. Or she's going to burst out crying -- I really hope she doesn't burst out crying.
"You know, she's going to be mad at you too for not telling her."
He pauses just slightly, his face taking on a slightly worried expression as he contemplates this fact.
"Shit. Why am I even friends with you people?"
*
I try to take Karev's advice and not worry too much about the impending "event" happening later in the day, and I end up setting another bone in the ER and doing some work on my latest project in the lab, becoming completely distracted until I realize it's nearly two o'clock and I haven't had any lunch yet.
Locking up the robotics equipment in the small room, I shrug my lab coat back on and head towards the cafeteria, scanning the room as I wait in line with my sandwich for any familiar faces to sit with. I know my wife's still in her surgery -- I checked on my way here -- but after a minute I spot Amelia across the room and wind my way through the tables to get to her.
"Shepherd!" I drop into the chair across from the slightly startled brunette and open the saran wrap on my chicken sandwich, "what's the deal with this baby shower for Arizona? Do you even know how pissed she's going to be when she finds out you didn't tell us?!"
"Hey, hey whoa now--" the neurosurgeon flips her notebook shut and points at me, eyebrow raised, "for your information, I wasn't even invited to this thing until yesterday. Because apparently Kepner forgot that, you know, Arizona and I are friends or anything. I'm her best friend -- we hang out all the time around this place. I'm the baby's freaking godmother!"
I take a bite of the lackluster sandwich and roll my eyes a little at the smaller woman's indignation.
"April's also one of her best friends, you know. You should get to know her better -- surprisingly I think you two would actually get along."
Amelia raises her coffee cup to her lips and lets out a slight huff.
"But anyways, it's not that big a deal, right? I know you guys said not to plan any big thing, but blah blah baby showers are cute -- it'll be kinda sweet. You'll get gifts."
"Arizona hates having all the attention on her -- you know that. That's exactly why she didn't want a shower."
She hums and nods a bit in agreement, but shrugs a shoulder as she gives me a helpless look.
"Well, she's getting one. I already saw Kepner hanging streamers and balloons before I came down to lunch. And a crap ton of food and cupcakes were already there -- I think the entire nursing staff brought something. People really like her, you know. I mean, you're both pretty liked and you're kind of that disgustingly-sweet-fairy-tale couple of the hospital, but people really love Arizona. This is a whole shindig. I think there are crafts."
Groaning slightly as I pick up my cup, I take a long sip of the hot liquid.
"That's what I was afraid of. And she just wasn't have a great morning today; this is the last thing she needs."
"I can go up there and disband the merry troops."
"No, you can't," I sigh, setting the cup down again, "April will be crushed. And then Arizona will be upset that April is upset, and that we forced everyone to cancel after they did all this work. I just have to warn her when she gets out of surgery."
Amelia lets out a half laugh and leans back in her chair, arms crossing over her chest.
"I can't wait to see how this goes down."
I just shake my head at the other doctor and we sit in companionable silence for a bit as I finish off my sandwich and people mill back and forth past our table. I appreciate Amelia's dedication and willingness to go kick some party-planning ass, but there really just isn't a good way out of this. Personally, I actually don't mind...and if I'm honest, I'm kind of excited. I love baby showers. But I caved to Arizona on this and I wanted to hold up my end of the bargain.
"In other news--"
I glance over as the brunette starts to talk again, her eyes flitting across the room to a few people who have just wandered into the cafeteria line.
"What do you know about Elise Cassano?"
The name rolls off her lips in what's almost a hushed tone -- almost like she's deliberately feeling the name out.
"Uh, probably about as much as you?" I follow her eyes and see the other doctor chatting with a resident, "Arizona and her did their undergrad together. I haven't really talked to her much yet, but she seems nice. Supposed to be brilliant. Why?"
"She's hot, right? Like, really gorgeous."
I blink, stunned into silence for a minute. Where the hell did that come from?
"Uh...sure?" I look over again, then look back at the woman in front of me, "I mean yeah, she's pretty...wait, are you..."
I watch her eyes as they linger on the new doctor again.
"Oh my god," I lower my voice to a whisper, "Amelia you're totally checking her out, aren't you. And not being very subtle. I thought you weren't into women!"
"I'm not!"
Her eyes snap back to meet mine, a faint blush colouring her cheeks -- extremely uncharacteristic of the badass younger Shepherd. I've definitely caught her with a schoolgirl crush.
"Yeah, that look in your eyes says otherwise."
"I'm not into women!" she insists again, but slides down her chair a little with a groan, "okay, well you weren't into women before Arizona either, so you know--"
Smirking slightly, I glance at my watch and gather up my trash. It's two-thirty; Arizona should be out of surgery any minute now, so I need to try and hunt her down.
"I have to go, but we are so talking about this later. And I'm telling Arizona."
"I hate you."
"But you loooooove Dr. Cassano."
I grin good-naturedly and laugh as I hear the embarrassed neurosurgeon's parting words.
"I'm going to teach your baby swear words!"
*
"That was great work in there today, Dr. Gillis. And I want to point out how well you handled the father's questions just now too--"
I hear the sound of my wife's voice from down the hall and look up to finally lay eyes on the blonde peds doctor, talking animatedly with her fellow surgeon as they walk towards me. She's still in scrubs, but her lab coat is back on and her scrub cap is tucked into her pocket with her hair let loose from its pinned-back style, so they're clearly done in the OR and heading towards the party. Gillis must be in on this.
"Thanks, Dr. Robbins-Torres," the young doctor smiles as I watch, "um...I need to head up to the fourth floor...walk with me? I'd just like to ask a few questions about--"
Aha! She's totally the bait to lead Arizona upstairs, and that's my cue to swoop in.
"Actually, I need to talk to Dr. Robbins-Torres for a minute," I interrupt the pair, and Arizona blinks up in surprise at me, "it's important."
"Callie, hey, just give me a sec."
"Um, it's okay!" Dr. Gillis smiles, shooting me a knowing look, "I'll catch up with you later."
"What about your questions?"
"I should go update the chart first anyway."
With that, the young doctor turns and takes off toward the stairwell, and Arizona glances at me with a slightly perplexed look.
"That was weird."
"Come with me," I take her hand and lead her around the corner, slowing us down as we head toward the elevators at the far end of the hall, "okay, there's something you need to know. And don't freak out, okay?"
The blonde stops walking, raising her eyebrow with a touch of concern colouring her face.
"Do I...have reason to freak out? Did something happen with Sofia? Is she okay?"
"She's fine," I squeeze her hand, taking a slightly nervous breath, "but...I need to warn you that upstairs, right now, there is a giant surprise baby shower waiting for you to walk in."
I don't even take a minute to gauge her reaction before I continue, lowering my voice to a slightly hushed tone.
"And I just want to say, I had nothing to do with it -- I swear to you. Elise spilled the beans earlier and apparently April planned it and it's become this huge thing and all the nurses brought food and it was supposed to be a surprise for both of us. If I'd known I would have told you. I know you didn't want anything...and you hate surprises...and I was going to go yell at Kepner earlier but I know she's probably put a ton of work into this and--"
Blue eyes blink in surprise as I trail off in a ramble, and she looks down at her round belly before meeting my eyes again, her lips twitching upwards into a...smile.
"Calliope, it's okay."
Now I'm the one who's surprised, and I pause, tilting my head a little to look at her.
"Wait...you're not mad?"
"I'm not mad," she lets out a soft laugh, almost musical to my ears, and runs her hand along my arm reassuringly, "I mean, I really didn't want anything, but I should have known to expect it from April."
"Yeah I had no idea, honestly."
"I'm glad you warned me," she leans in, kissing me lightly, "but really, it's okay. It might even be kind of fun."
I'm still a little stunned at her positive reaction -- I honestly thought she was going to freak out at the idea of a party laying in wait for her. She flashes me an almost delighted grin though and glances upwards at the ceiling.
"Do you think they have a onesie decorating station up there?"
"Okay--" I take a step back, eyes scanning over her in amusement, "where is my wife and what have you done with her?"
She laughs again, grabbing my hand to continue walking toward the elevators. Our fingers link easily together, and she looks over and smiles again as she reaches out to hit the up button.
"I might be going soft. Think you'll still love me?"
She steps into the empty carriage when the doors open and I follow her in, wrapping my arms around her waist as I pull my body flush against her. Every day, every time I think it's impossible to love this woman more...she surprises me.
"I'll always love you."
I drop a soft kiss on her lips as the elevator rises, and she lets out a content sigh, looping her arms up and around my neck.
"I was worried you were going to cry."
"I mean I'll be honest, if you hadn't told me in advance, that would have been a real possibility."
"Make sure you act surprised though," I laugh softly, "or April's going to kill me."
The door dings to signify our entrance to the fourth floor, and the smaller woman pulls away, shooting me a slight grin as we exit into the hallway. The space is surprisingly empty and quiet, a slight hum of chatter sounding in the background, but I can just make out a bit of pink streamer along the door to the lounge down the hall.
"Most importantly--" Arizona takes my hand and heads down the hall, "do you think they have party potatoes? Baby girl is hungry."