One thing my wife and I have learned in about six years of doing this is that it's always the men she sleeps with who want to keep secrets, and get weird about things generally! It's never been an issue with women I meet on my end.
Isn't that so strange? Especially with the encouragement for men to be promiscuous, and discouragement for women to be so. I think it might be based on the communication thing; women feel more confident fielding their feelings and talking about it, and perhaps men just find it simpler to not have anyone know anything, and thus "not have to talk about it." ...maybe?
Not to be too cynical, but I think men have trouble not being in control of the situation. It's like theoretically they want women to be promiscuous, but they like to think that they somehow seduced her into it, not that she chose to fuck them.
I feel you; I've seen it go as far as men losing interest if there isn't some kind of chase involved. *sigh* Having to feign lack of sexual interest in order to get laid is kind of sad, isn't it? Heh.
We are so mindful of telling others how great they are, we are just so good at it, but we forget to recognize we are also human, fallible, broken… and we need to say and hear these kinds of things too.
These things are what make us approachable, they are the traits that foster connection, and make it easy for us to relate to one another. Without this kind of honest dialogue, we box ourselves and others into persona's that are hard to maintain and hard to break out of… we play an unfair game of make believe when secrets are involve and sometimes nobody wins.
Some of the best friends I've made have been people who felt safe approaching me after I spoke openly about my weaknesses and mistakes. They felt safe coming to me and sharing their own, and also safe telling me that they didn't think my weaknesses and mistakes were all that bad. I've really opened up my life greatly since becoming more comfortable with who I am, even if who I am doesn't match who people expect me to be.
Comments 6
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
These things are what make us approachable, they are the traits that foster connection, and make it easy for us to relate to one another. Without this kind of honest dialogue, we box ourselves and others into persona's that are hard to maintain and hard to break out of… we play an unfair game of make believe when secrets are involve and sometimes nobody wins.
Hugs and <3
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment