Fic: Put the Heartbeat Back Inside (Part Two)

[non_tiembo_mala]

Jared is jittery. The car is silent as he makes his way out of the city to the highway that will take them north. He feels like he missed his opportunity to turn the radio on right at the outset and now it’s just him and Jensen - a complete freaking stranger who, besides being the most gorgeous man Jared has ever seen, by the way, must be at least half-cracked if not all the way cracked because he is paying an outrageous amount of money for a ride, which really, why does he have all that cash, and more importantly, why is he spending so much of it on a ride from Jared when he could just buy a bus or plane ticket? Because he obviously can’t take a bus or plane, idiot , his brain answers readily and it doesn’t stop there. Because the police are after him - you fucking saw it and you took the money anyway you moron what were you thinking?!

Jared can feel how wide his eyes are and the heavy silence between them in his very tiny car and he has to stop thinking, now, before his brain starts to wonder how much trouble this Jensen is really, and is it the kind of trouble he’d kill Jared for for having seen his face and -

“So Austin, huh?” Jared blurts out of nowhere, a desperate attempt to stop the derailment which is currently ongoing in his brain. Jensen looks startled for a moment and maybe... pained? Jared can’t tell because just as he looks over at him in the passenger seat his expression changes back to something neutral and he simply nods.

“Yeah,” he answers quietly. A beat goes by, then another, and the silence is back. Jared swallows hard and subconsciously passes an unsteady hand through his hair before gripping the steering wheel again even harder so that maybe Jensen won’t notice how his hands are shaking.

“I’m actually from there,” Jared continues, and that nagging voice in his brain is back. Great, just fucking great. Tell him where your family is, very smart. And also, really, it’s a long drive, you should go on ahead and tell him your life story. He can hear the sarcasm of his own thoughts but Jensen is still just quietly nodding and the next thing Jared knows -

“My parents are both still - well, we’re from there, but we traveled a lot, so I didn’t actually live there much of the time. They’re retired there now but - see, they’re researchers. Well, Dad was a professor, actually, but that’s primarily research when it’s not teaching - teaching so you can do research, really - and Mom studied the same stuff - MesoAmerican studies - it’s how they met. Anyway...”

The scared, unsure part of Jared’s brain that doesn’t quite know how to cope with the beautiful-possibly-dangerous-definitely-bad-idea sitting next him heard life story and ran with it. Jared starts talking and he just can’t stop. They’ve been on the road for nearly two hours and Jared is still talking, he’s really only dimly aware of it himself except his mouth is getting super dry and he could really use some water. Those thoughts just start to creep into his mind when he also realizes Jensen has been gazing out the window while casting him the occasional glance with no words whatsoever this entire time. What’s left of him to be unsettled is officially that, his stomach is tight and feels like it’s doing backflips, so between that and his overwhelming thirst Jared just kind of… runs out of words.

“... so my research has actually been going really well, I mean I love UNAM - it’s a great school and my advisor is great - but it’s really tedious so I need more time and Gen is doing her best but I’m teaching and she’s got TA work, too, so…”

Jared trails off. He takes a few deep breaths and they feel like they’re the first real ones he’s taken since he sat down in the car. He can’t even remember if there’s any water in the bottle in his bag in the backseat. Not that he can reach it anyway, so he supposes it doesn’t even matter. He finally has enough air in his lungs that he can sigh as he looks along the highway, at all the dust and bare brush and the clear, endless blue sky.

“...so what are you going to do?”

Jared’s eyes snap right. Jensen hasn’t moved much, is still cradling his head in his right hand and has it pressed to the glass of the window, but he’s looking right at Jared and- wow, his eyes are so green it’s like- Jesus, Jared! Focus! It’s the first thing the guy has said in hours and Jared doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

“Sorry?” Jared sputters, confused.

“Your thesis. The work you still need to do. What’s your plan? You’re going to use the money on the new visa, right?” Jensen asks and there’s a tone to his voice like Jared is the daft one for not knowing what he was talking about. Jared just stares at him because all this time -

“I didn’t think you were listening,” Jared says before he can stop himself. Jensen looks withdrawn and before he can respond Jared continues. “I - I’m sorry. I mean, this is crazy. It’s crazy, right? I’m completely off the map here and, I’m not going to lie to you, shitting my pants a little bit because you’re - well, Jesus, you’re beautiful you have to know that but you’ve got to have something going on, right? I mean, who pays twenty-grand for a ride to Austin?!” Jared’s voice has gone up a few octaves without his permission and he’s on a roll now.

“Then there’s me, who apparently accepts twenty-grand for a ride to Austin and I’m still not sure how that happened but then here we are in my car and we’re well on our way out of Mexico City and I’ve been more or less nervous-talking at you for the better part of two hours while you sit there, haven’t said a word, you’ve barely looked at me, and Jesus Christ - ” Jared makes himself stop and he’s panting a little to catch his breath. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

Jensen has watched him intently for the entirely of his outburst, and now that he has the man’s attention, it’s unnerving in a different way entirely. It’s one thing to have this thing of beauty sitting next to him looking distant and uninvolved, but there’s such a sincerity to his gaze and goddamnit he’s so good-looking and Jared’s twitchy with adrenaline and his dick is dumb enough not to know he’s maybe in danger, only knows that Jensen is everything he’s ever wanted to look at, ever. Between the uncomfortable heat between his legs and Jensen’s focused attention and his ridiculous inability to shut up - Jared is, actually, sorry and still feeling very much like a fish out of water.

“Jared, it- it’s okay, really. Don’t apologize. It is a weird situation and I’m sorry if I’m freaking you out. I know you have to take my word for it but I’m seriously not going to hurt you. I just- haven’t really gotten to talk to anyone a lot lately and my head - it aches? So much, all the time. Just fucking pounds and sometimes it’s hard to think but you’ve been talking and it- it’s relaxing, actually. My head hurts less just listening to you. So please, don’t- don’t stop.”

Jared doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath while Jensen talks until he stops and he finally inhales and it’s a bit of a rush. He really does have to take Jensen’s word for it but looking at him now, the way Jensen is looking back at him and his eyes- fuck. Jared really is in trouble. He takes another deep breath and swallows thickly, nodding a little. He knows he shouldn’t but he does feel better after what Jensen said and he’s suddenly also worried for him, while relieved at the same time. It sucks that Jensen is hurting and Jared has so many questions but he can’t bring himself to ask any of them and Jensen said he - Jared - made him feel better so… that’s good, right? It feels good to Jared. His stomach has relaxed and he doesn’t think his hands are shaking now that he dares to loosen his grip.

“Okay.” Jared is quiet, and he knows Jensen asked him to keep talking, but suddenly he’s not sure what to say. When he looks over at Jensen, the man’s face is relaxed. His expression is not tight or strained the way it might have been when they first started out, which Jared only notices now because he’s really looking for it. Jensen has freckles, too. A really light kind of sprinkling of them across his nose and the pretty set of his cheekbones. There are echoes of crinkles at his eyes - they’re soft now, like his expression - and Jared imagines they must be because of how he looks when he really smiles. He wants to see that.

He’s well aware of the dangerous turn of his thoughts, focusing on all the little things that make Jensen so damned beautiful, but now that his fear is somewhat abated, Jared isn’t sure how to rein them in. He tries to think of something else to say that isn’t a prying question into Jensen’s life, when Jensen’s stomach growls. Loudly.

“Um,” Jensen starts, looking embarrassed. “Sorry.”

Jared looks at the clock on the dash. It’s late afternoon.

“Have you eaten?” Jared asks, even though the answer is obvious, going by the sounds Jensen’s stomach was making.

Jensen just looks at him apologetically and it’s enough of an admission as any. Jared just hopes he ate something today.

“My bag is behind my seat, if you can reach it. There should be some food in there. For twenty-grand I’m pretty sure you can help yourself.”

Jared smiles and it’s surprisingly easy. Jensen lets out a small chuckle and for just a moment those crinkles at his eyes get deeper and Jared sighs a little inside for the way they make him want to reach out and touch. Instead, he clears his throat, keeps both hands on the wheel, and watches Jensen lean and dig around behind him in the rear view.

“Is this supposed to be food?” Jensen sits back upright in his seat after having rummaged around in Jared’s things and he’s holding Jared’s brand new, unopened bag of Haribo gummy bears, looking at Jared incredulously, with his eyebrows raised and a quirk at the corner of his mouth.

Jared scoffs and throws a hand to his chest, affronted.

“Those are quality gummies, Jensen. I don’t just share them with anyone. This is what real money gets you.”

Jensen blinks at him a second and then starts laughing - real, full-out laughter that moves his whole body. He tosses his head back and his eyes close and those damn crinkles - Jared would get distracted by more but Jensen’s laughter is contagious and all the tension of the last few hours seems to evaporate entirely as Jared gives in, laughing deliriously, and by the time they’ve stopped Jared is wiping his eyes and Jensen’s hand is clutching at his stomach.

“God, that felt good,” Jensen says, still a little breathless as he pulls open the bag of gummies and tosses one in his mouth before holding the bag out for Jared to do the same. “I don’t remember the last time I laughed like that.”

Jensen seems somber all of sudden, especially after their outburst, and it makes Jared get serious, too. Jensen slowly eats another couple gummy bears and Jared worries his bottom lip between his teeth. He can see that Jensen is thinking, considering something, and it looks like he wants to talk.

“The truth is... Jared, I don’t actually remember anything.”

Jensen looks genuinely frightened when Jared glances over at him. He looks lost, and Jared doesn’t know anything about him, but he really, really wants to help him feel found again.

“What do you mean… anything ?”

Jensen sighs and looks down at his lap where he’s holding the bag of gummies for a moment before he looks back up at Jared.

“I mean I don’t remember who I am. Until today I didn’t even know my own name.”

Jared just stares at him, completely unsure what to say. He knew there was something up with this guy but this - this is wow. He did not see this coming. He can tell Jensen is going to continue and so he waits quietly, giving Jensen the space to sort out his thoughts and words.

“A week ago, a couple of fishermen pulled me out of the Gulf of Mexico. They thought I was dead. Turns out I’d been shot. Twice, in the back. The one guy was a medic back in Vietnam so he patched me up. They fed me, clothed me, sent me on my way when we hit the mainland. But Jared… I don’t remember a single thing from before they pulled me out of the water. My name, where I’m from, nothing. All I had on me was a bank account number, and that lead me to the Bank of Mexico and a safe deposit box. That’s where I got the money. And my passport, so my name, too. Except…”

Jensen looks genuinely anxious now. He fidgets his fingers in his lap and Jared is reeling trying to keep up already, but there’s clearly more.

“In the safe deposit box… there were other passports, too. Lots of them. Different names, different countries, all with my picture. And… and a gun.”

Jensen breathes deeply and gives that some time to sink in. Jared is definitely on edge again - his body wants to be frightened, standing at the edge of fight-or-flight - but when he dares to look over at Jensen he sees a man who looks terrified, too.

“And that's not it. As if it’s not bad enough I was shot, that I’ve got a gun and all those passports, but I can - I can do things, Jared. It was me, in the Embassy, that fired those shots and set off the alarms. After I left the bank some police were tailing me and I thought I’d lost them in the consulate but they came in with some documents, talked to the Marines about me. I don’t even know why . And then when they came after me and - it just, happened. I got away, obviously, but I did things - I hurt people. I did things that I don’t know how I know how to do. And, um,” he keeps talking, quickly, like if he’s fast enough the last confession won’t scare Jared into pulling the car over and asking Jensen to leave. “I speak Spanish and German and half a dozen other languages, too. I don’t know how I know them. I just do.”

Jensen finally pauses, swallows hard.

“And I know stuff about people. I just - read them, or something. Like - like you.”

Jensen looks uncomfortable, and his eyes are pleading. He bites his lip and stares at Jared through his lashes, like he’s begging Jared to ask what he means. Jared can barely breathe but he can’t resist Jensen either.

“What about me?” Jared whispers. Jensen closes his eyes a moment and nods as he starts to answer.

“I saw you, in the Embassy, heard you talking, knew you needed money. Before you told me everything, I knew. I could tell that while you work hard on your body, you’re not an athlete, you’re an academic. I know you write your notes by hand, maybe you’re old-fashioned, or maybe you’re a bit clumsy and one too many laptops have become casualties over the years, so you do paper first. And the moment I saw you look at me in the alley…” He looks away now and Jared’s heart is in his throat, thudding like a jackhammer. “I knew you were gay.”

Jensen sighs and the hand in his lap tightens into a fist.

“I knew you were sizing me up, trying to guess if you could take me if it turned out I was dangerous - which is another thing, you definitely couldn’t, because I definitely think I am - but I knew you’d take my offer and I knew that my life was a mess - even if I don’t know a single thing about it besides that - when I asked for your help. But… it’s just a ride. It’s just a ride, and then you can get your visa and get back to your research, and everything is going to be okay. And this is the least my head has hurt since I woke up so… so I’m not sorry. I’m glad it was you - that you said yes - and I’d really, really like it if you would keep talking because I haven’t slept right in days and I think… I think I just might be able to if I can listen to your voice, even in this ridiculously cramped car.”

Jensen tries to laugh at the last bit but when he looks at him, Jared can see how unsure he is - of himself, of this situation, of Jared…

Jared’s heart is still racing and he knows that, maybe, he should be scared of Jensen and the life he’s searching for, or at least, the one that seems to be coming after him, but he can’t. He looks into the glistening green eyes of the stranger sitting next to him and he has a million questions. He wants to know Jensen, wants to help Jensen know Jensen, and- god, the man’s lips are distracting. He knows his eyes linger on the puffy pink of them and Jensen is probably watching, can probably tell just what he’s thinking, so Jared sighs and tears his eyes away.

“What do you want me to talk about?” he finally says, gentle.

He makes himself keep his eyes on the road but Jared swears he can feel Jensen’s immense relief. Jared relaxes a little, too.

“Anything. Everything. It doesn’t matter,” Jensen answers, and Jared can hear the gratitude in his voice.

“Talk me through your thesis,” he mumbles as he settles down into the seat, tucking the bag of gummies in the cup holder and then cradling his head on the pillow of his folded arm, closing his eyes.

Jared lets out a small laugh. Oddly enough, this won’t be the first time he’s put someone to sleep with his thesis, though he really can’t bring himself to be insulted in this instance. With all the hours ahead of them yet, he might as well start at the beginning.

“Okay. Well, it starts with my mom, really. She used to read me these stories…”

---

It doesn’t take very long for Jensen to fall asleep. Jared keeps talking for a little while after the man’s eyes close, just to be sure, but eventually he stops and considers it a win when Jensen doesn’t stir.

The car is quiet without music and only the road noise to fill the space, but Jared is surprisingly okay with that. He’s finally relaxed now that Jensen is sleeping and he spends a lot of time going over all the things he knows and doesn’t know in his head. He snacks on the gummy bears from the bag in between them, sneaking lingering looks at Jensen every time he reaches for one.

He has a lot of time to sort through his thoughts while he drives and Jensen sleeps, and against possibly his better judgement, Jared decides to commit to this - whatever this is. Jensen was intriguing before, looking like every wet dream Jared could care to remember, but then he’s also sincere, and scared. He’s just as much guessing here as Jared is, has to be just as trusting of Jared, even if it does sound like he’s more than capable of handling himself. Jared thinks about how it would feel to know nothing about who he is and it’s hard to wrap his head around, really, in addition to being awful. He can’t truly imagine what Jensen is going through but he hates to think of it, hates to think about him hurting, and if Jared can help him in any way… he really wants to. So he decides that he will.

The hours go by peacefully now that he’s decided not to be scared. He lets himself look at Jensen - even if the slight parting of his plush mouth and the smooth, tempting skin of his face lend themselves to Jared daydreaming about things that might make him flush the next time Jensen meets his eyes - and before he knows it the sun is long gone, they’re pulling into Monterrey, his eyes are heavy, and Jared figures it’s as good a place as any to call it a night.

---

“Jensen, hey.”

There’s a soft voice in his ear and a gentle hand on his shoulder. Jensen startles as he wakes, but relaxes again when his eyes open and it’s Jared’s silhouette in the darkness that’s in front of him.

“I slept,” he declares, pleasantly surprised to realize it, and Jared smiles at him, his teeth bright even without any light. It’s late; Jensen can tell it’s closing in on midnight. He slept a lot .

“Yeah,” Jared confirms. “I really didn’t want to wake you but I can’t drive anymore. I’m exhausted and I really don’t want to put us in the ditch.”

He laughs a little and Jensen makes himself sit up, twisting in his seat to stretch his back. He takes the moment to look out the window. Jared has parked on a quiet looking street and there’s a sign for a hostel up ahead. It makes Jensen smile. They wouldn’t be able to pay cash at a hotel.

“Probably a good call,” Jensen agrees. “Where are we?”

“Monterrey,” Jared answers as he takes the keys out of the ignition.

When Jensen looks at Jared again now, really looks, he can see just how tired Jared really is. Meanwhile, he feels better than he has in days, even if there’s a small kink in his neck.

“We’re more than halfway to Austin,” Jared adds as he pushes open the door. Jensen follows his lead, exiting the car, and they make their way towards the hostel.

They walk in silence mostly. Jensen attributes it to Jared’s tiredness. He stays close enough that their arms almost brush as they walk; the street is quiet but Jensen is still looking ahead to every doorway and alleyway, and he’s ready to grab Jared and go if he has to.

Jared turns to him with his hand on the door when they get to the hostel.

“Let me ask for the room, okay? Hang back so they don’t see your face.”

Jensen can only stare at him for a moment. Jensen was going to say the same thing to Jared because he doesn’t want him to get too involved. There’s such concern in Jared’s eyes and Jensen doesn’t know what to say. He wants to thank him but it could never be enough when the man is looking out for him like this, putting himself at risk, especially when Jensen isn’t sure he deserves it.

“Okay,” is what he manages instead.

With Jensen finally having agreed, Jared pulls open the door and they go inside.

Jensen lingers by the door and watches out of the corner of his eye while Jared talks to the woman at the little desk. They chat away in Spanish and Jared gestures at him once before she happily gives him a key.

Jensen follows Jared upstairs to their room. He sees a sign for the bathroom down the hall and suddenly wants a shower. He feels gross, skin tacky with the day’s sweat, and it occurs to him he only has the clothes on his back. They’re going to have to find a store in the morning before they set out.

The room is small and sparse, as is typical with hostels. There are two twins with maybe three feet between them, a shared night table with a single lamp on it, and there are sheets, blankets, and a towel folded in a pile at the foot of each bed. Otherwise, the room is empty. It’s more than enough.

Jensen reaches for the towel impulsively, so ready to feel clean.

“Are you going to - ”

“Nah, I’m beat,” Jared answers before Jensen finishes asking, gesturing to the towel that Jensen is holding like it gave away his question. “Maybe in the morning. You go ahead.”

Jensen nods and turns away just as Jared kicks his shoes off and pushes them under his bed. The last thing he needs right now is to watch the man get undressed.

Jensen quietly makes his way to the shared washroom at the end of the hall. It’s just a simple shower stall, toilet, and sink, but it’ll do the trick. He strips and makes a neat pile of his clothes on top of his sneakers before getting into a cool shower. For the first time since he woke up, his headache is subtle enough that he can almost ignore it, especially when his mind is so keen to focus on thoughts of Jared instead. He doesn’t want to indulge them; his life is a mess no matter what he’ll find out tomorrow. He doesn’t want to drag Jared into this any more than he already has and honestly, he’s already not looking forward to saying goodbye. Jared has been kind but more than that, he makes Jensen wonder if he really needs all the answers, especially when being with Jared makes him feel so much better.

The cool water is gentle on his back as he steps under the spray. His wounds have started to heal to the point that the water doesn’t bother them. The skin there is tight and itches a little as he moves but it’s bearable, mostly just sore and less biting than the pain in his head. He’s fairly awake after his long nap in the car. He’s tempted to draw out the shower, relax, and give Jared time to settle in the room but every time he closes his eyes he only sees Jared: his pink mouth and the dimples it makes when he smiles; his hair, which looks so soft that Jensen wants to run his fingers through it; his kind, bright eyes. Jensen sighs and turns the temperature of the water down a little more in an effort to keep himself composed. He finishes up in the shower with military efficiency instead, towels off and goes commando under his shorts. He carries his sneakers and the rest of his folded-up clothes as he pads barefoot back to their room.

He’s tentative when he opens the door. As he suspected, Jared is already passed out. He barely fits on the bed and Jensen has to bite his lip to keep in a laugh at how giant he looks by comparison. He’s all tangled up in his sheets, hugging the pillow under his head, and when Jensen can finally look away he notices that Jared made up his bed for him. His heart flutters with fondness for the way Jared is looking out for him and how much harder this makes everything. He sets down his clothes on the floor and sits on the edge of his bed. Jared left the light on and Jensen sits, his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees, taking a moment to look at the man sleeping in front of him.

If it’s possible - and Jensen can’t believe that it is - Jared is even more beautiful in sleep. Jensen knows he threw Jared for a loop today and he’s been on edge, not to mention all the stress he’s been dealing with regarding his visa and his thesis and his money running out, but right now Jared is completely unaffected by all of that. His face is lax and his hair is scattered across his forehead and on his pillow. Jensen wants to curl up behind him and, as the thought comes to him, he realizes he has no memories of being close with anyone before. It hits him suddenly and even though it’s not a surprise - he has no memories of anything so of course he wouldn’t remember this either - he feels overwhelmingly lonely.

He sighs and it’s a little unsteady; he’s more shaken up than he’d care to admit. He turns out the light and waits in the dark for his eyes to adjust. The darkness makes him bold, like he’s moving in secret. He reaches out and brushes the hair off of Jared’s face, tucking it back; it’s even softer than it looks.

Jared doesn’t stir and Jensen’s heart is conflicted. He slides into bed and lies on his back, adamantly looking up at the ceiling instead of at Jared, and tries to make his mind blank in the hope that he might get some more sleep.

The sun isn’t far away by the time he finally drifts off.

---

Jared sleeps like a rock. He knows because he wakes up slowly, feeling rested, with the vestiges of a good dream vague and heavy in his mind and hard between his legs. His eyes are still closed against the brightness in the room when he stretches under the covers, languidly rolling onto his stomach and pressing his hips into the mattress. His feet stick out over the edge. He wiggles his toes in the open air and sighs into his pillow. He may have slept well but he still misses his bed.

He tilts his head and tries not to feel so jittery in anticipation of waking up to Jensen. The room is silent so he lets himself indulge a moment, imagines Jensen’s sleep heavy body sprawled in the bed barely an arm’s length away, pictures the way the sunlight might dance on his exposed skin, wonders if he has freckles in more places than just his face. He can feel his face warm when it occurs to him that Jensen might be awake, might even be looking at him and would certainly know that he’s awake, and even though his thoughts are private they aren’t exactly helping with the redistribution of his blood flow. He forces himself to stop thinking about Jensen and gives himself another minute before he finally opens his eyes.

The bed is empty.

Jared sits up immediately, looking around the room. Jensen is nowhere to be seen and neither are his clothes. Jared starts to panic, his mind racing with every possibility - is Jensen okay, did they find him somehow? That can’t be it; did Jensen just leave him? - when his eyes fall on a scrap of paper on the night table. As he reaches for the note, his relief manifests as a small, strangled laugh and he shakes his head at himself.

Gone for breakfast

Be back soon

As if on cue, Jared’s stomach gurgles loudly and he realizes they never really ate anything substantial yesterday. He’s starving .

He sighs and figures it’s as good a time as any to take a shower, replacing the note and reaching for his towel. He strips down, adds his boxers to the pile of his clothes from the night before, and wraps the towel around his waist before making his way to the bathroom at the end of the hall.

After his shower, Jared takes the excess water out of his hair by giving his towel a vigorous rub on his head and then returns to their room much the way he left it - holding the towel around his waist, barefoot - and moving quickly through the hallway to avoid dripping too much everywhere, muttering disculpa as he narrowly avoids bumping into a woman coming up the stairs. He pushes open the door and closes it quickly behind him, glad to be somewhere less exposed, until he turns around and realizes Jensen is back, sitting up in the bed sipping a coffee with his legs long and crossed in front of him, taking in the sight of Jared with a small quirk in his mouth.

Jared freezes like he’s been caught, standing with one hand on the door handle and the other at his hip holding the towel. A drop of water slides down his chest just alongside his nipple and it tickles, making him shiver. Jared realizes what he must look like standing there dripping, his skin pebbling up because it’s wet and cool in the air conditioning, his hair damp and everywhere, and with barely a scrap of white cotton between them. Suddenly he has the irrational thought that Jensen can tell just by looking at him, somehow he knows that Jared jerked off thinking about what Jensen’s pretty mouth would look like stretched around his dick in the shower not minutes before. Maybe Jared is still flushed, or maybe Jensen reads it in the abused swell of his own mouth, since he damn near bit clean through his lip trying to stay quiet when he came; either way, Jared can feel the colour in his cheeks deepen as he stands there. He’s mortified at the idea that Jensen can maybe see through him like that but at the same time he can’t regret it because looking at Jensen now...

He evidently went shopping while he was out. He’s wearing a dark button-down with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, fitted dark blue jeans, a pair of new boots, and he’s smiling up at Jared through his lashes, eyes bright and disarming, and he just looks... incredible. Jared’s dick is valiantly trying to show how much it agrees with that assessment despite the session in the shower, and as he grips more tightly at his towel, Jared realizes he has officially been standing there gaping at Jensen for way too long.

Jared opens his mouth to say something - anything - but his voice croaks on the first attempt and instead he clears his throat, his hands fidgeting with the corners of his towel.

Jensen’s smile now is almost sly, his eyebrows are raised and his eyes locked on Jared as he takes another deliberate sip of his coffee.

“‘Morning, sunshine,” he says easily, and the sound of his voice to Jared is both reassuring and provocative all at once.

“Hey,” Jared replies lamely, internally groaning at himself. He makes himself step further into the room towards his own bed and that’s when he notices: something smells heavenly - warm and sweet and heavy in the air. There’s a black duffle bag on his bed, next to it is a brown paper bag, and there’s another to-go cup of something on his side of the night stand. “What’s all this?”

“Well, I realized I didn’t have any other clothes and didn’t think you had any either, so I grabbed us some stuff. There’s a couple shirts and whatever you might need in the bag. And there’s breakfast for you. A couple campechanas and a bunch of churros. Hot chocolate, too.”

Jensen isn’t even finished talking about the contents of the paper bag by the time Jared’s face breaks out into a huge smile. He’s hungry - anything would have done - and Jensen brought him a bunch of sweet bread, sugary fried dough, and hot chocolate to dip it in, and Jared just might be in love. Shit. Jared tenses, has to fight to keep his grin from wavering, and curses the traitorous turn of his thoughts. He distracts himself with renewed focus and enthusiasm for his breakfast.

Jensen laughs as Jared descends on the bag like he needs to see all the contents to believe him.

“I got the impression you’ve got a bit of a sweet tooth. Guess I was right!” He sounds pleased and when Jared looks back at him he can see something almost vulnerable in Jensen’s eyes, maybe relief, maybe hope.

“You are definitely right,” Jared confirms. “Jensen, thank you.”

There’s a long beat where they’re just looking at each other, Jared still practically naked and hunched over the bag on his bed looking down at Jensen where he’s sitting behind him. Jensen clears his throat and makes to move off the bed.

“I’ll, um, give you the room,” Jensen says as he gets up. There’s not a large distance between the beds so when Jensen stands he’s right in Jared’s space, mere inches between them, and for a moment he pauses there. It can only be a second’s hesitation before he moves away and towards the door but it somehow feels like a whole lifetime to Jared. He’s jittery and wanting to be back in that moment, but then Jensen is opening the door and Jared talks just to keep Jensen in sight that much longer.

“What about you?” Jared sputters out.

“Hm?” Jensen stops and turns back to him in the doorway. “What about me what?”

“Um,” Jared starts, one hand coming up to run through his damp hair while the other clutches tightly at the corners of his towel. “Aren’t you going to have some? B-breakfast I mean?”

Jensen smiles and Jared’s stomach flutters.

“I ate while I was out. It’s all yours, big guy. I’ll be in the lobby, okay? Just bring everything down when you’re ready and we’ll head out.” Jensen says it like a statement but looks at Jared like he’s waiting for an answer.

“Yeah, okay. I won’t be long,” Jared promises.

Jensen gives him a last nod before he leaves, closing the door behind him.

---

The two hour drive to Laredo is uneventful. Jared leaves the music off in case it might agitate Jensen’s headache and they talk on and off, Jensen asking Jared questions about his best friend Genevieve, or his siblings and what they do, and Jared knows he’s asking for the apparent comfort of listening to him speak but he can’t help but feel that Jensen really does care. There’s something in his voice and the way he looks at Jared that makes him feel warm and easy as he rambles on while Jensen mostly sits quietly beside him.

Jared is nervous when they approach the border but Jensen talks him through it and he’s so calm and collected that Jared manages the exchange with the agent through the car window without too much stuttering and they get through without any trouble, much to Jared’s incalculable relief. Jensen suggests that since they’re there they might as well stop to grab a quick bite to eat and Jared isn’t positive but he’s fairly sure Jensen has noticed the way he was shaking as they drove away from the gate and wants to give him time to relax before they tackle the final four hours of their journey.

There’s a Whataburger just down the road from the crossing so they order it to go and eat outside in the parking lot while leaning up against the car. There’s a lot of quiet but it’s never uncomfortable, though now that they’re stateside, Jared feels the end of their time together looming in the distance and it makes his stomach a little tight. He’s paying attention enough to recognize that he’s falling for Jensen - kind of really, really likes him - and adult enough to know the timing couldn’t be worse if they tried, Jensen is admittedly dangerous, and Jared will have to add him to the list of things he regrets the moment he has to walk away from him for good.

“Jared.” Jensen reaches across the console between them to put a hand on Jared’s arm as he puts the key back into the ignition. Jared stills and looks back at him, trying not to focus on how ready he is to have Jensen’s hand on him at all, how ready he is to beg him to keep it there.

“You okay?” Jensen finally asks, withdrawing his hand. Jared swallows thickly.

“Yeah, Jensen. I’m good.”

Jensen stares at him a moment, contemplative, and eventually tilts his head and gives him a look that clearly shows that Jensen isn’t convinced. He looks concerned and it makes Jared want to laugh at how ridiculous he’s being; he isn’t the one whose memory has taken an indefinite vacation, with no answers and people on his tail, and yet Jensen is looking out for him.

“I promise,” Jared adds, doing his best to look like he means it. He wants to mean it, really. Jensen has enough on his plate without having to worry about Jared and his inopportune, wasted emotions.

Jensen concedes while still looking doubtful, folding himself all the way back into his seat and resting his head on the window while Jared starts the car.

They drive out of Laredo in the comfortable silence that Jared has become so used to so quickly, and Jared is so distracted wrestling with everything in his head and his heart that it isn’t until they’re a couple miles out of the city that Jared realizes Jensen hasn’t said anything at all since they had lunch. He glances over more deliberately only to find Jensen has drifted off. His mouth is parted just that little bit and his face is slack. His arms are folded, but they’re loose with sleep and Jared hates having to look away and focus on the road again. Not for the first time that day, Jared wonders how well Jensen slept last night - if at all - and as he settles in for another peaceful drive, he hopes that Jensen can get some rest.
| Part One | Masterpost | Part Three |