Fic: Glorious, or Spoiling the Captain with a ha'porth of tar.
nodbear
This is hopefully the first fic earlier mentioned. thanks to all who helped with the code issue . I am still working on understanding that but the care and the welcome are very much appreciated.
TITLE: Glorious, or Spoiling the Captain with a ha'porth of tar
RATING G or if ultra cautious perhaps PG
WORD COUNT: 5709
PAIRING HH/AK
DISCLAIMER: Alas the nearest to ownership of the boys I have is one portrait of the historical Pellew. Al else is merely borrowed
SUMMARY : Mainly fluffy with a hint of other themes and a little history. The coins were first issued in about 1796/7.
Captain Pellew finds some commemorative coinage brings him some embarrassment but not a little joy also.
Glorious : or, Spoiling the captain for a ha’porth of tar
1.
The spring sunlight lent the familiar view from the quarterdeck an air of freshness and brought an indefinable ‘something’ to the early morning watch. Something that began with the feeling that one wanted to draw the milder air deep down inside, the better to feel the reality of the season, and then grew into a sense that affected mind, body and heart .
Captain Sir Edward Pellew , contemplating his ship with a practised eye, found that for him that ‘something’ was profound satisfaction :at least for his constantly demanding mind. That meant nothing untoward, all where it should be, neatly stowed and ready for whatever action the day might bring. It meant anticipation and alertness and - readiness for all. He swept the length of the ship with his hawkish gaze once more and then looked down to the main deck just below him. A low-voiced conversation which had begun a few moments ago, captured his attention. He had a fair idea of what he would see.
There were, however, aspects of the morning to surprise even a veteran observer. He had not reckoned with the alchemy caused by the alliance of sun and wind at that precise moment. A conspiracy that brought a particular view of two figures, heads inclined, conferring together. The one with hair bright and, today at least, burnished to a gleaming gold even as the other was darkly glowing. Moreover the latter, as ever, had a few curls loose and tugged by the wind into the rebellion which embarrassed its owner, though he could never cure it. Pellew maintained his watch, silent and reflective; recognising the moment for the gift it was.
Somehow today, this moment before he need say anything to disturb the pair below, before interaction demanded rule and role and expectation, there was the sheer delight of the present moment. Evidence in those two lives that beauty and courage and hope were still sometime to be found walking through the world, however much men seemed determined to lay waste and war and wrangle. And he was old enough to be grateful for anything so good and, to his own mind, so undeserved. His own inner critic would weigh him in the balance later and find him wanting , as ever, but moments like this were rare enough treasure
There was a burst of mutual laughter from below and Sir Edward approved that too, though it would only be the initiated who marked that reaction, as it momentarily warmed his eyes, followed by their narrowing in thought. The laughter was welcome as it was a measure of how Kennedy was regaining his former self - or rather, thought Pellew, perhaps finding only now his true self , with the familiar, irrepressible good humour now overlaid with a more mature confidence.
The new confidence was apparent in many things, both as officer and man. His friend had given him that - no, he amended his mental description, they both gave and received and in no small measure. The extent of the giving he well surmised, at least since they had returned from Ferrol the second time. Again only the closest of observations would have seen the anxiety chasing the fondness across the proud face. He had known how things were and he had no desire to confront them, still less to forbid them, but that he would need to speak to them if only to emphasize the dangers and make clear his own desire to protect them. The one utterly honourable, still something of an innocent and brave to a marked degree and the other, wounded far too deeply for one so young, and yet so courageous, so much a bringer of joy
What lay between them was itself beautiful: love, comradeship, even the intense and hopeful lust of the young, not afraid of desire or wary of its consequences. Time enough for that, he thought, it will come only too soon. Their mutuality so obviously strengthened them and brought them to each new day ready to embrace challenge and hardship and delighting in their own skill and dedicating it to their present service and no one could ask for more. Well, they could ask, but they would be a damned fool to do so, an aging and improper fool at that, the inner conscience told him.
He had refrained even from any movement that would disturb the conversation below but , just as the bell rang for change of watch, there was a hurried shuffling of paperwork, telescope and a donning of hats below him . The fair head and the dark went in different directions and Kennedy bounded - there was no other word for it- up to the quarter deck. Smile and salute were both offered ( Why was it, wondered Pellew , that with Kennedy one often wanted to say of such a moment ‘bestowed’- perhaps because it did so much feel like a gift , that smile?)
“ Good morning, sir ”: Kennedy turned to matters of report, imparting information as to wind direction, speed, course and events in the early hours but there was very little: a quiet watch.” Thank you, Mr Kennedy.”
The shipboard business over , Archie smiled again, breathing the air deep into him, stretching his arms heavenwards; the sense of freedom still a delight to him even after all this time. He had been advised at first to exercise so, the better to aid his ravaged frame to recover from the agonies of prison and it was instinctive still when he greeted the day.
The captain nodded an understanding of the informal gesture which he did not need to voice. He wondered when he had last stretched so joyously or moved so freely in sight of another .A long time ago, ages long ago. He knew when it had changed. He had been about Kennedy’s age, or Horatio’s, when Captain Pownall had died as he held him. He had closed his mentor’s eyelids and ,scarcely able to see for tears, he had found himself directing the action, driving the enemy back. That day the last vestige of boyish freedom had died with Pownall. So now he contented himself with raising his face to the sun, closing his eyes just a moment against the faintest suspicion of moisture in them.
Dammit ,but he would be feeling more than sorry for himself next and that was positively ridiculous. With the honour that was his, came also the price. He had long accepted the former and he would continue to pay the latter. His head ached interminably and he fully expected that now to last all morning at his desk. And that was before supply ship they expected would bring more mail. .. more orders, more lists and, inevitably, some duty that he would give much to be able to avoid - finding a way to tell a man who could not read, the contents of a letter about his wife and child dying. Wondering what in hell’s name were the words to use to a 13 year old middie that could even begin to say that his mother was gone. He had told Hornblower in an ( almost) unguarded moment that it was a ‘bitter brew’ and ever since he had known there was both sympathy and understanding in the profound gaze that sometimes followed him.
Time enough that either of those young men should shoulder any of that burden. Let them be free still yet a while -‘ I tell you it will be time enough! ‘ The phrase again echoed through his mind and this last utterance he hoped the Almighty saw as the prayer he intended it to be. He remembered that of late his brother and fellow captain, Israel, had wryly asked him if he now delivered even prayer as command. Israel, affectionate but as ever envious of his brother’ s relationship with officers and crew alike. But it was a sharp question.
He had smiled but not replied and something else in his face had made Israel desist. Even Israel should never know that there were nights when, far from ordering , all he would do was plead - the nights that sleep eluded him , that the pictures of the many he had sent to die came back to him, those hours when no amount of courage, nor daring nor ambition, was enough to hide him before the God he somewhat fitfully believed in. He knew then what it was to be alone.
Dear and yet deuced Israel ! He tried so hard to support his brother, and no doubt he wearied the powers that be with his importuning on Israel’s behalf. .. It did not help when your ship blew up under you of course... As to what he would make of the news that had no doubt by now made the Plymouth papers and probably also the Britannic and other naval oriented rags, well time would certainly tell. God, but he was glad the whole width of the Mediterranean at least, and then some, would stand between him and Israel’s face when the latter read about those damned coins. If only the recent newspapers had missed the supply ship rendezvous he might have a little longer before this crew read of it ...shaking himself mentally he became aware again of the reality of Kennedy and the smile that was again so ready to burst out. He was speaking to him.
“ Is it not a glorious morning , sir?” “ I hope you ...” but here Archie stopped for a moment, puzzled. For, to his surprise, the captain’s head dipped a few times and he cleared his throat. These were normally his gestures when some anxiety or other powerful emotion overcame him. In the presence of the duchess, for instance, or ..or ..whenever Horatio does almost anything at all, reflected Archie, with some amusement.
And was that familiar sea weathered face blushing? “ Simply glorious “ , Archie echoed himself , slightly mesmerised, only to see that anxious movement again. And as the captain replied he heard the gruffness that might equally portend a dressing down or a most compassionate, insightful word of understanding, creep into the voice.
“Hmmm, it is a fine day indeed, and a day, I think, Mr Kennedy , to let Indefatigable’s officers have a further insight into the wider remit of a captain’s charge. We have much to do. Do you know , Sir, sometimes I think we fight this war with ledger and rule, not with cannon and shot!”
He reeled off lists of things that must be attended to - musters, both the annual and the periodic , pay books , victualling requests . And that was almost just the beginning .And Mr Kennedy and Mr Hornblower were to assist Mr Bracegirdle and learn from his experience the ...the delights of the Admiralty’s administrators. Archie saluted again and this time it was returned accompanied by what he recognised was as near to a smile as the captain would allow himself- more’s the pity, since it hinted so tantalisingly at the transformation that a wide smile would effect on the fine mouth. Then he was gone below to his battles with pen and ledger, and Archie pondered what had provoked that disconcerted, almost sheepish, look earlier. And, to think, for once, Horatio wasn’t even anywhere near...
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2.
Later, with Horatio and Bracey, he went to work on the seemingly unending muster lists. The bright day tempted the two of them to drag a wardroom bench out to the doorway and sit in the light, though their older companion sat with the master lists at the table next to the scene of his frequent board battles with Mr Bowles.
The two young men, indulgently regarded by Bracegirdle, revelled in the fine day and the respite from harsher duty. They diligently compared names on lists, checked and ticked columns, and giggled with suppressed mirth at their own in -depth and improper imaginary additions to the bare bones of the physical descriptions of the men which the admiralty’s columns allowed for.
At least Archie giggled and Horatio allowed his wide mouth to curve into a gradually less guilty smile. Had they known it , such bursts of their creative, even crude, verbal listings as Bracegirdle had overheard had brought no censure upon them ,but caused the older man to recall the long list of nicknames that he and a fellow midshipman had invented for the entire wardroom of the ‘74 ‘they had served on at the time. Not much was new under the sun, and for now he saw no reason to interrupt, knowing that there was as much diligence as there was fooling on the sunlit deck.
But Archie’s mind was still turning over the patently disconcerted Edward Pellew he had seen earlier and pondering his part in it. Horatio, normally easily drawn into any concern for the wellbeing of his beloved captain, was apparently not paying due attention. Unable to employ his most favoured method of getting Horatio’s full and immediate attention out here on deck, Archie persisted with more decorous methods.
“ Horatio ?”
“ Mmmm ?” the reply was abstracted ,the owner of the voice sorting through some papers which had been in the new mail pouches which the captain had received from a rendezvous with a supply ship, only a short while earlier, including several issues of the Naval Gazette and other papers to which various of the officers subscribed. He had just been sent them by the captain via Midshipman Elliott and asked to distribute them. Sammy Elliott had said, wonderingly, “ He was -really kind, sir. He wrote a message because I was worried I would not remember it , sir. The Latin bit I mean.” Latin? Horatio thanked him and, resisting showing too much amazement , let the boy run off on his next errand.
The message scribbled with the papers read :
Hornblower, please distribute accordingly, my thanks, Ed Pellew but the message continued:
Words can return to haunt...
Miserere mei, domine
And, sir, be likewise merciful, I pray you. EP.
Instantly intrigued, without as yet showing Archie the note and its superscription, Horatio had turned to the papers to elucidate the puzzle. He was intently reading a column in the Britannic Magazine and smiling knowingly. Archie saw that it was one of the letters pages.
“ Were you listening at all, Horatio ? Its about the captain! I said he had that way about him, you know; how he holds his head when he what he feels is too much for him?”
“ Mm?” this time the sound was a little more alert but Horatio was finishing the page and turning to another. “There must have been a trigger in what you said, Arch. “You had wished him good day , you said - you must have said something else. More than that, Archie.”
“ But I hadn’t said anything other than about it being a glorious morning. I was just going to ...”
Suddenly the deep brown eyes were turned fully on him, wide with laughter and full of a mischievous delight that took Archie aback for just a moment.
“That’s exactly what you said - that it was a glorious morning? Not lovely or splendid or any other adjective ? You sure it was glorious ?
“ Yes I am ! well, I think so - why ? What’s so funny ? Come on, no going mysterious on me !”
“Well you remember when I was telling you how things had been , I told you all about the day that we picked up Captain Foster and I .. well, ...when I got caught between the rock and the hard place and almost sank myself without a trace at dinner that night?”Horatio found even now his shoulders constricting at the memory .Both of the dark, wounded gaze on him from the head of the table and of Foster’s bluff tone and hand easily clapping his shoulder in triumph.
“ Yes, I do indeed “ said Archie grinning, “ For love is strong as death , but jealousy cruel as the grave” he added, automatically ducking the mock blow that was aimed at him. He noted that resistance to this train of teasing had become merely token now- in itself an indication that Horatio at least acknowledged that something had hit home.
“ Well, continued Horatio, it was then that the Captain first made that pronouncement about nicknames and titles.”
Ah yes, wasn’t it : “I don’t care for such overblown titles” Archie intoned in his best Pellew voice - he could not quite match the timbre, but the style and the manner got more life- like all the time. Drury Lane had maybe lost more than a lovely face and a body to go with it, Horatio thought.
“ Exactly, - well , look at this! Its the answer to your puzzle and mine - he handed the paper to his friend, pointing to the advertisement column in question and Archie let out a yelp of delight .” That is something - its marvellous - glorious even.” They contemplated one another with something like unholy amusement.
“We should show Bracey and Bowlesy - they will like it too.”
“ But just them - not the Mids and such - I wouldn’t want him to think we intended to have more than a little bit of fun - not to deride, or offer him up for cruel laughter . He deserves better than that.
Horatio thought of the self awareness that underlay the dry plea for both the almighty’s and his own forgiveness. It was a conscious deed, offered with full knowledge that there would be laughter and perhaps more to live down- the deliberate counterpart of the time when a crestfallen and foolish acting- lieutenant had been forced to offer his apology only to a rather unyielding back. Well might I hope to have the grace so to mock myself if ever I aspire to Pellew’s position, he thought.
“Maybe there is a way we can use it for something rather good. A dinner - our hospitality for a change. We owe him a great deal.” Archie was suddenly serious. They swung inward to find the senior lieutenant regarding them with good humoured curiosity. And, as it turned out, a like mind.
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3.
And, had the captain not been immersed in floods of admiralty parchment, and in endeavouring to reach even relatively calm waters in the storm that appeared to have invaded his desk, he might have heard the warm laughter of his first lieutenant and the delighted bark of Mr Bowles and suspected something. But he did not raise his head from the desk all that forenoon and for once, his omniscient eye and ear missed a trick ...
So it was that the captain was not a little taken aback when Mr Bracegirdle came to say that his officers would be honoured at his presence at a small celebration in the form of dinner that evening. but he replied readily enough, outward courtesy overlaid with slight anxiety .Later his sharp ears , tuned in once more to shipboard life, became aware of intensive conversations going on with the steward and all four of his trusted officers in turn trying not to be seen coming and going from their private store, as if inspecting what they had between them. He had a keen feeling that he would not escape the evening without there being something said about the coins. There then, maybe he well deserved it after all.
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4.
It had been a more than bearable, indeed a most pleasant evening and was promising to continue so. Whatever he had thought might befall, he had been unduly anxious, Pellew told himself. Bracey had apologised for the wine, but he undersold his own skills at choosing in that area as he modestly did so many others. The wine was, in fact, very good and the conversation , without midshipmen and without guests who knew little of the sea, had been free flowing as the claret which fuelled it and amusing and rich in shared reminiscence as it should be among those who daily watch each other’s backs throughout danger.
And between them the officers had put together the makings of a comfortable, and filling supper, if not quite of the substance of the famed Pellew dinner table. He knew they were none of them wealthy, and accustomed to provide for them from time to time, almost casually, out of his own easy circumstances these days, he realised that they had made great effort to achieve the best they could. He swallowed hard and felt a different kind of warmth along with that engendered by the claret. He joined in the toast to His Majesty , letting both kinds of warmth have their moment.
But Bracegirdle was rising to his feet again- Good God, he was going to make a speech -and if he himself were , as they had said , their particular guest, did that mean... What kind of impudent folly was this ? Pellew felt the muscles of his neck begin to ache even as he knew that all rules of gentlemanly behaviour demanded his courteous attention to what was to be said. Bracegirdle, the eternally kind face more than a little pink from wine and daring both, started innocuously enough.” We thank you, Sir, for honouring us by being our guest this evening. It has been good simply to have time to talk with one another...
... A little later his confidence was shaken by the turn Bracey’s narrative then took: “ but now, honoured guest and gentlemen; to the main part of our celebration - a toast - to one whose endeavours have brought this ship and all who love her much pride, and have enthralled the whole nation as many have read of it.
And we have the honour to have learned that a new token of the esteem of the people of the country has been made and is now to be obtained in our beloved England. “
There was a sharp drawn breath from Pellew, and Horatio for a moment wavered that they had done the right thing , watching the captains’ s hands’ almost convulsive grip on the napkin and the veiled gaze which reminded him of his misjudgements on that other occasion. Then the captain looked up, albeit unfocussed on any of them as yet, and seemed to be waiting , intently. Stretching out one long hand on the table as if to parley for - quiet ?Ask for mercy ? Freeing his shoulders by flexing them, he met Horatio’s eye and then settled back against his chair, altogether more content- well, resigned perhaps, to his fate. Indeed an amused gleam already lit the depth of his eyes.
Bracegirdle was almost done : “ Although we know that it is not Edward Pellew’s way to flaunt populist titles for the sake of self aggrandisement merely-“.. and at this there appeared on the captains’ face the beginnings of a genuine smile breaking the carefully studied sternness. Then a shake of the head and a gracious gesture of the hand that accepted the gently ironic hit.
And, tuning to Horatio, Pellew raised his glass in silent salute, his message having conveyed already the substance of his thought. Horatio echoed the gesture and smiled back, grateful for the acknowledgment both of the follies of his younger self and the human frailties of his mentor.
So, Bracegirdle raised his glass, “Here in the press we read of the striking of new coins , two designs at least, with the motto “ Glorious Pellew” and with the portrait of our own captain, a profile crowned with laurels- Pellew shifted in his chair and met the eyes of his most senior officer , in which there was no guile, and so in return there was in his own no embarrassed anger, rather a bemused curiosity.
“ So gentlemen , a toast - and as he paused , each in turn added their word to the phrase:
to the glorious
and generous,
and gifted
and - great -hearted
(just in time, Horatio was relieved to realise, Archie had kicked his shin, recognising him as being too lost in the moment, or in the man, to remember his turn to speak had come)
Sir Edward Pellew,” Bracey finished. “May he and Indefatigable never know defeat. Gentleman, though we will surely be forbidden from this moment to speak it ever hereafter, I give you the toast : to Glorious Pellew!”
“ Glorious Pellew!”
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5.
What to do ? What to say ? Thus was Pellew uncharacteristically lost for words, and with a mind racing in quite inglorious nervousness. ‘Well? come on, man’ he chided himself. “Stand up and spit it out then.” And as he did so he was suddenly aware that the tension was suddenly gone, that arms and shoulders felt more supple again and that he was ready for this moment. Nevertheless he still chose his words with great care.
He was able to reach into a pocket and produce , eyebrow arched in wry self -awareness, a specimen of the coin, to suitably delighted laughter . The coin, with its hazily approximate portrait, laurel leaf coronet and all, duly did the rounds. The coin had arrived in the mail, courtesy of Israel : “ To the Glorious Edward Pellew- far above my touch, but still beloved ,brother mine ,” and with a commentary thereafter managing to be both sardonic and affectionate in equal measure.
“ You will see , gentlemen, that It is a halfpenny token merely ! Perhaps a reminder of the old saying of the spoiling for lack of ha ‘porth of tar - though today I suppose that it is I who am spoiled , in quite another sense, by a king’s- ransom -worth of tars. He knew Bracey would like that conceit - his also was a lovely old fashioned way with words. The young men looked slightly perplexed, but they heard and understood the ‘king’s ransom” and both lowered their gaze, shining eyes cast down a moment, but inwardly they were taking wing.
“ But for the halfpenny - it is a reminder about all the small things that matter - which taken together make up the essential of mutual concern for all officers and men in His Majesty’s Navy. Gentlemen - I thank you for this most kind hospitality - and for what it will mean to me to recall it when war and the Admiralty have scattered all of here asunder on many paths across the globe.”
“I have always believed a good officer should know both sides of any plan .If you would turn to the reverse side you can read the legend there - Mr Kennedy, perhaps you would oblige ?”
“There is Britannia seated , sir, and the legend is “ victorious British tars””
“Thank you, sir. Gentlemen , I give you a toast : Victorious British tars,” - he held up a hand before the toast could be shared to add :
“To a crew who give of their all , and whose right to the laurels of victory is as much and indeed far more than mine
“And to my officers who- despite their damned impudence, especially those who should know better”
- the restless gaze stilled and settled on his senior lieutenant. But Bracegirdle though blushing, was yet was in no way disconcerted. Pellew took in Bowles, with his wolf- like big grin, now there was a man as old and as cynical a sea dog as he was himself. Kennedy, now so near to being whole again, and coping with such parts of the continued darkness that would always be part of memory for him. Bracey, whose understanding of loyalty and shared aims was second to none. And Horatio-well, where were the words with which to begin? The high sense of honour, the loyal heart and strong body , made him one of the best, even allowing for a captain’s partiality.
“My officers ,who, despite their impudence ,” he was smiling as broadly as most of them there had seen, and Archie saw how right he had been that such a smile worked wonders in the tired and handsome face.
“ are the most loyal and courageous and the most valued of friends. Truly it is there we find what is glorious . The glorious body. A body bonded in common cause, shared adversity , and mutual trust.”
He looked as openly as he could manage around at them all, seeing also others with whom he had shared mess tables in other seas and harbours , and knowing that he must stop, or else the unforgivable might ensue and he would indeed weep in front of them.
“ For all of which things daily I thank my God. So then, gentlemen , I give you - the victorious British tars...”
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6.
Later that night cocooned in hammock, next to Horatio in the dim lamplight, Archie was doing what he loved to do with all great moments that he wished to keep in mind. He had done it to greater or shorter length for riches like the beauty of a young man or young woman seen but for a moment on a quay, the latest poetry that he had learned, the pleasure of a play.
He had lately done it with yearning eloquence on the subject of the taste and warmth of Horatio when woken from sleep in order to make love before watch began. All these delights he liked to review from the comfort of his bunk, as if rehearsing reasons to rejoice in life.
Mindful of how good that was and how very far it marked his journey from the despair of Ferrol , Horatio would more often than not encourage it and join in with a quiet sentence or two here and there . In the last instance, with that mixture of embarrassment and arousal Archie delighted in causing, he had eventually used his mouth in the most reliable way he knew to silence Archie, or at least to silence coherent speech. Tonight, though, the extra wine had taken its toll and he listened on the verge of sleep, added a murmur of assent or encouragement every so often to Archie’s enumeration of the many good moments in the last hours.
“Glorious body “- - “ Do you know, Horatio, when the captain used it, it made me think of what a wonderful phrase that is .I know its in the burial service - but as a phrase its just delicious- and, you must surely agree that, at least in so far as it concerns the captain, its not wide of the mark as a description. After all, heroism inspires, but inspiration benefits from a well formed frame like that; and my God, Horatio, when he lets himself smile! Its a revelation, truly,...
He wriggled round smiling, fully expecting to meet a fondly critical gaze or some unconvincing remonstration. Neither was forthcoming. Horatio was asleep - although maybe not yet beyond hearing for he was smiling gently all the while. Archie blew out the lamp and settled back down, content with the moment.
“Glorious body” - that is more than just a little true and there is more than just one of them here in the Indy, thought Archie . But he grinned widely in the darkness , as he thought of those elegant curls in the coin, ,crowned with laurels , like Apollo or some other of the gods. He’d not be able to think of the captains’ dark hair, normally so well braided and correct, like his whole self, in quite the same way again.
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7.
The laureate, himself, meanwhile, sat in the moonlight under the stern windows of his cabin, half undressed, with one barefoot leg drawn up at the knee, supporting his palm in which lay the little coin. For once his thoughts around a familiar theme caused him no anxious pacing. At this late hour it seemed for once possible to ponder and dream, without the gnawing edge of all that bound his life - rules, honour, pride, seeking to knock down even the gentlest of longing daydreams. “Glorious ,” he thought , torn between delight and cynicism and stretching his arms up and around to ease a tired head and shoulders, remembering his sense of constriction earlier that day . And as to the laurel wreath - there was a curly haired profile whom it would far better become than his own, though that day could wait its turn also. Today had both begun and ended in gift :a rare and great thing.
But that was enough for now, for the moment there was beauty, laughter, conversation and too much fine claret and all of them made for contentment and a quiet ending.
Tomorrow the dilemmas would still be there- it , he, we, dammit , will all be there and so tomorrow he would resume his quest to make sense of duty, feeling, thought and need. Tonight, though, he had been given so unexpected a gift and one which left him feeling a genuine humility he struggled to express. Too many of his words were habitually command- something inevitable , but not incurable, in other contexts than the quarterdeck. There he commanded all he surveyed : elsewhere other kinds of speech, of husband, father, friend , even lover- they required another tone indeed.
He was as happy as he been in a very long time .Sometimes even a captain earns a moment of grace..Or rather does not earn, but is found by. As he finally lay in his bed in the filtering clarity of the moonlight , he heard again Bracegirdle’s words, saw the affection in his and all the faces present and heard the determined chorus as the glasses were raised : “Glorious Pellew.” He snorted at his own vanity and at how easily one can be beguiled. But the friendship, the loyalty and - good heavens, you’re alone, man, you can name it for what it is here, - the love; they were no ephemeral title, nor fading laurel coronet.
( Damned ridiculous I’d look in one anyway)
They were everything, they were the truth, the way one overcame all the frippery stuff, and all the grief and the loss. And even the gates of hell would not prevail against them. “Good God, man, you grow soft in your old age”, he told himself, but none too fiercely. For once, his strict inner critic was as lulled by claret, affection and weariness as was the rest of him. At length, comfortably awash on those gifts , he slept.
Epilogue
As his lieutenant had wisely predicted, he would ban the epithet- but perhaps not too fiercely. In any case they would use it behind his back . But there was at least one place it might be permitted. Captain Sir Edward Pellew, despite the awed midshipmen who believed the converse to be true, was in fact in every way a fallible and human being. Because of that he found a moment to picture Captain Foster reading about the new coinage. He hoped he was enjoying the read.
This is hopefully the first fic earlier mentioned. thanks to all who helped with the code issue . I am still working on understanding that but the care and the welcome are very much appreciated.
TITLE: Glorious, or Spoiling the Captain with a ha'porth of tar
RATING G or if ultra cautious perhaps PG
WORD COUNT: 5709
PAIRING HH/AK
DISCLAIMER: Alas the nearest to ownership of the boys I have is one portrait of the historical Pellew. Al else is merely borrowed
SUMMARY : Mainly fluffy with a hint of other themes and a little history. The coins were first issued in about 1796/7.
Captain Pellew finds some commemorative coinage brings him some embarrassment but not a little joy also.
Glorious : or, Spoiling the captain for a ha’porth of tar
1.
The spring sunlight lent the familiar view from the quarterdeck an air of freshness and brought an indefinable ‘something’ to the early morning watch. Something that began with the feeling that one wanted to draw the milder air deep down inside, the better to feel the reality of the season, and then grew into a sense that affected mind, body and heart .
Captain Sir Edward Pellew , contemplating his ship with a practised eye, found that for him that ‘something’ was profound satisfaction :at least for his constantly demanding mind. That meant nothing untoward, all where it should be, neatly stowed and ready for whatever action the day might bring. It meant anticipation and alertness and - readiness for all. He swept the length of the ship with his hawkish gaze once more and then looked down to the main deck just below him. A low-voiced conversation which had begun a few moments ago, captured his attention. He had a fair idea of what he would see.
There were, however, aspects of the morning to surprise even a veteran observer. He had not reckoned with the alchemy caused by the alliance of sun and wind at that precise moment. A conspiracy that brought a particular view of two figures, heads inclined, conferring together. The one with hair bright and, today at least, burnished to a gleaming gold even as the other was darkly glowing. Moreover the latter, as ever, had a few curls loose and tugged by the wind into the rebellion which embarrassed its owner, though he could never cure it. Pellew maintained his watch, silent and reflective; recognising the moment for the gift it was.
Somehow today, this moment before he need say anything to disturb the pair below, before interaction demanded rule and role and expectation, there was the sheer delight of the present moment. Evidence in those two lives that beauty and courage and hope were still sometime to be found walking through the world, however much men seemed determined to lay waste and war and wrangle. And he was old enough to be grateful for anything so good and, to his own mind, so undeserved. His own inner critic would weigh him in the balance later and find him wanting , as ever, but moments like this were rare enough treasure
There was a burst of mutual laughter from below and Sir Edward approved that too, though it would only be the initiated who marked that reaction, as it momentarily warmed his eyes, followed by their narrowing in thought. The laughter was welcome as it was a measure of how Kennedy was regaining his former self - or rather, thought Pellew, perhaps finding only now his true self , with the familiar, irrepressible good humour now overlaid with a more mature confidence.
The new confidence was apparent in many things, both as officer and man. His friend had given him that - no, he amended his mental description, they both gave and received and in no small measure. The extent of the giving he well surmised, at least since they had returned from Ferrol the second time. Again only the closest of observations would have seen the anxiety chasing the fondness across the proud face. He had known how things were and he had no desire to confront them, still less to forbid them, but that he would need to speak to them if only to emphasize the dangers and make clear his own desire to protect them. The one utterly honourable, still something of an innocent and brave to a marked degree and the other, wounded far too deeply for one so young, and yet so courageous, so much a bringer of joy
What lay between them was itself beautiful: love, comradeship, even the intense and hopeful lust of the young, not afraid of desire or wary of its consequences. Time enough for that, he thought, it will come only too soon. Their mutuality so obviously strengthened them and brought them to each new day ready to embrace challenge and hardship and delighting in their own skill and dedicating it to their present service and no one could ask for more. Well, they could ask, but they would be a damned fool to do so, an aging and improper fool at that, the inner conscience told him.
He had refrained even from any movement that would disturb the conversation below but , just as the bell rang for change of watch, there was a hurried shuffling of paperwork, telescope and a donning of hats below him . The fair head and the dark went in different directions and Kennedy bounded - there was no other word for it- up to the quarter deck. Smile and salute were both offered ( Why was it, wondered Pellew , that with Kennedy one often wanted to say of such a moment ‘bestowed’- perhaps because it did so much feel like a gift , that smile?)
“ Good morning, sir ”: Kennedy turned to matters of report, imparting information as to wind direction, speed, course and events in the early hours but there was very little: a quiet watch.” Thank you, Mr Kennedy.”
The shipboard business over , Archie smiled again, breathing the air deep into him, stretching his arms heavenwards; the sense of freedom still a delight to him even after all this time. He had been advised at first to exercise so, the better to aid his ravaged frame to recover from the agonies of prison and it was instinctive still when he greeted the day.
The captain nodded an understanding of the informal gesture which he did not need to voice. He wondered when he had last stretched so joyously or moved so freely in sight of another .A long time ago, ages long ago. He knew when it had changed. He had been about Kennedy’s age, or Horatio’s, when Captain Pownall had died as he held him. He had closed his mentor’s eyelids and ,scarcely able to see for tears, he had found himself directing the action, driving the enemy back. That day the last vestige of boyish freedom had died with Pownall. So now he contented himself with raising his face to the sun, closing his eyes just a moment against the faintest suspicion of moisture in them.
Dammit ,but he would be feeling more than sorry for himself next and that was positively ridiculous. With the honour that was his, came also the price. He had long accepted the former and he would continue to pay the latter. His head ached interminably and he fully expected that now to last all morning at his desk. And that was before supply ship they expected would bring more mail. .. more orders, more lists and, inevitably, some duty that he would give much to be able to avoid - finding a way to tell a man who could not read, the contents of a letter about his wife and child dying. Wondering what in hell’s name were the words to use to a 13 year old middie that could even begin to say that his mother was gone. He had told Hornblower in an ( almost) unguarded moment that it was a ‘bitter brew’ and ever since he had known there was both sympathy and understanding in the profound gaze that sometimes followed him.
Time enough that either of those young men should shoulder any of that burden. Let them be free still yet a while -‘ I tell you it will be time enough! ‘ The phrase again echoed through his mind and this last utterance he hoped the Almighty saw as the prayer he intended it to be. He remembered that of late his brother and fellow captain, Israel, had wryly asked him if he now delivered even prayer as command. Israel, affectionate but as ever envious of his brother’ s relationship with officers and crew alike. But it was a sharp question.
He had smiled but not replied and something else in his face had made Israel desist. Even Israel should never know that there were nights when, far from ordering , all he would do was plead - the nights that sleep eluded him , that the pictures of the many he had sent to die came back to him, those hours when no amount of courage, nor daring nor ambition, was enough to hide him before the God he somewhat fitfully believed in. He knew then what it was to be alone.
Dear and yet deuced Israel ! He tried so hard to support his brother, and no doubt he wearied the powers that be with his importuning on Israel’s behalf. .. It did not help when your ship blew up under you of course... As to what he would make of the news that had no doubt by now made the Plymouth papers and probably also the Britannic and other naval oriented rags, well time would certainly tell. God, but he was glad the whole width of the Mediterranean at least, and then some, would stand between him and Israel’s face when the latter read about those damned coins. If only the recent newspapers had missed the supply ship rendezvous he might have a little longer before this crew read of it ...shaking himself mentally he became aware again of the reality of Kennedy and the smile that was again so ready to burst out. He was speaking to him.
“ Is it not a glorious morning , sir?” “ I hope you ...” but here Archie stopped for a moment, puzzled. For, to his surprise, the captain’s head dipped a few times and he cleared his throat. These were normally his gestures when some anxiety or other powerful emotion overcame him. In the presence of the duchess, for instance, or ..or ..whenever Horatio does almost anything at all, reflected Archie, with some amusement.
And was that familiar sea weathered face blushing? “ Simply glorious “ , Archie echoed himself , slightly mesmerised, only to see that anxious movement again. And as the captain replied he heard the gruffness that might equally portend a dressing down or a most compassionate, insightful word of understanding, creep into the voice.
“Hmmm, it is a fine day indeed, and a day, I think, Mr Kennedy , to let Indefatigable’s officers have a further insight into the wider remit of a captain’s charge. We have much to do. Do you know , Sir, sometimes I think we fight this war with ledger and rule, not with cannon and shot!”
He reeled off lists of things that must be attended to - musters, both the annual and the periodic , pay books , victualling requests . And that was almost just the beginning .And Mr Kennedy and Mr Hornblower were to assist Mr Bracegirdle and learn from his experience the ...the delights of the Admiralty’s administrators. Archie saluted again and this time it was returned accompanied by what he recognised was as near to a smile as the captain would allow himself- more’s the pity, since it hinted so tantalisingly at the transformation that a wide smile would effect on the fine mouth. Then he was gone below to his battles with pen and ledger, and Archie pondered what had provoked that disconcerted, almost sheepish, look earlier. And, to think, for once, Horatio wasn’t even anywhere near...
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2.
Later, with Horatio and Bracey, he went to work on the seemingly unending muster lists. The bright day tempted the two of them to drag a wardroom bench out to the doorway and sit in the light, though their older companion sat with the master lists at the table next to the scene of his frequent board battles with Mr Bowles.
The two young men, indulgently regarded by Bracegirdle, revelled in the fine day and the respite from harsher duty. They diligently compared names on lists, checked and ticked columns, and giggled with suppressed mirth at their own in -depth and improper imaginary additions to the bare bones of the physical descriptions of the men which the admiralty’s columns allowed for.
At least Archie giggled and Horatio allowed his wide mouth to curve into a gradually less guilty smile. Had they known it , such bursts of their creative, even crude, verbal listings as Bracegirdle had overheard had brought no censure upon them ,but caused the older man to recall the long list of nicknames that he and a fellow midshipman had invented for the entire wardroom of the ‘74 ‘they had served on at the time. Not much was new under the sun, and for now he saw no reason to interrupt, knowing that there was as much diligence as there was fooling on the sunlit deck.
But Archie’s mind was still turning over the patently disconcerted Edward Pellew he had seen earlier and pondering his part in it. Horatio, normally easily drawn into any concern for the wellbeing of his beloved captain, was apparently not paying due attention. Unable to employ his most favoured method of getting Horatio’s full and immediate attention out here on deck, Archie persisted with more decorous methods.
“ Horatio ?”
“ Mmmm ?” the reply was abstracted ,the owner of the voice sorting through some papers which had been in the new mail pouches which the captain had received from a rendezvous with a supply ship, only a short while earlier, including several issues of the Naval Gazette and other papers to which various of the officers subscribed. He had just been sent them by the captain via Midshipman Elliott and asked to distribute them. Sammy Elliott had said, wonderingly, “ He was -really kind, sir. He wrote a message because I was worried I would not remember it , sir. The Latin bit I mean.” Latin? Horatio thanked him and, resisting showing too much amazement , let the boy run off on his next errand.
The message scribbled with the papers read :
Hornblower, please distribute accordingly, my thanks, Ed Pellew but the message continued:
Words can return to haunt...
Miserere mei, domine
And, sir, be likewise merciful, I pray you. EP.
Instantly intrigued, without as yet showing Archie the note and its superscription, Horatio had turned to the papers to elucidate the puzzle. He was intently reading a column in the Britannic Magazine and smiling knowingly. Archie saw that it was one of the letters pages.
“ Were you listening at all, Horatio ? Its about the captain! I said he had that way about him, you know; how he holds his head when he what he feels is too much for him?”
“ Mm?” this time the sound was a little more alert but Horatio was finishing the page and turning to another. “There must have been a trigger in what you said, Arch. “You had wished him good day , you said - you must have said something else. More than that, Archie.”
“ But I hadn’t said anything other than about it being a glorious morning. I was just going to ...”
Suddenly the deep brown eyes were turned fully on him, wide with laughter and full of a mischievous delight that took Archie aback for just a moment.
“That’s exactly what you said - that it was a glorious morning? Not lovely or splendid or any other adjective ? You sure it was glorious ?
“ Yes I am ! well, I think so - why ? What’s so funny ? Come on, no going mysterious on me !”
“Well you remember when I was telling you how things had been , I told you all about the day that we picked up Captain Foster and I .. well, ...when I got caught between the rock and the hard place and almost sank myself without a trace at dinner that night?”Horatio found even now his shoulders constricting at the memory .Both of the dark, wounded gaze on him from the head of the table and of Foster’s bluff tone and hand easily clapping his shoulder in triumph.
“ Yes, I do indeed “ said Archie grinning, “ For love is strong as death , but jealousy cruel as the grave” he added, automatically ducking the mock blow that was aimed at him. He noted that resistance to this train of teasing had become merely token now- in itself an indication that Horatio at least acknowledged that something had hit home.
“ Well, continued Horatio, it was then that the Captain first made that pronouncement about nicknames and titles.”
Ah yes, wasn’t it : “I don’t care for such overblown titles” Archie intoned in his best Pellew voice - he could not quite match the timbre, but the style and the manner got more life- like all the time. Drury Lane had maybe lost more than a lovely face and a body to go with it, Horatio thought.
“ Exactly, - well , look at this! Its the answer to your puzzle and mine - he handed the paper to his friend, pointing to the advertisement column in question and Archie let out a yelp of delight .” That is something - its marvellous - glorious even.” They contemplated one another with something like unholy amusement.
“We should show Bracey and Bowlesy - they will like it too.”
“ But just them - not the Mids and such - I wouldn’t want him to think we intended to have more than a little bit of fun - not to deride, or offer him up for cruel laughter . He deserves better than that.
Horatio thought of the self awareness that underlay the dry plea for both the almighty’s and his own forgiveness. It was a conscious deed, offered with full knowledge that there would be laughter and perhaps more to live down- the deliberate counterpart of the time when a crestfallen and foolish acting- lieutenant had been forced to offer his apology only to a rather unyielding back. Well might I hope to have the grace so to mock myself if ever I aspire to Pellew’s position, he thought.
“Maybe there is a way we can use it for something rather good. A dinner - our hospitality for a change. We owe him a great deal.” Archie was suddenly serious. They swung inward to find the senior lieutenant regarding them with good humoured curiosity. And, as it turned out, a like mind.
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3.
And, had the captain not been immersed in floods of admiralty parchment, and in endeavouring to reach even relatively calm waters in the storm that appeared to have invaded his desk, he might have heard the warm laughter of his first lieutenant and the delighted bark of Mr Bowles and suspected something. But he did not raise his head from the desk all that forenoon and for once, his omniscient eye and ear missed a trick ...
So it was that the captain was not a little taken aback when Mr Bracegirdle came to say that his officers would be honoured at his presence at a small celebration in the form of dinner that evening. but he replied readily enough, outward courtesy overlaid with slight anxiety .Later his sharp ears , tuned in once more to shipboard life, became aware of intensive conversations going on with the steward and all four of his trusted officers in turn trying not to be seen coming and going from their private store, as if inspecting what they had between them. He had a keen feeling that he would not escape the evening without there being something said about the coins. There then, maybe he well deserved it after all.
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4.
It had been a more than bearable, indeed a most pleasant evening and was promising to continue so. Whatever he had thought might befall, he had been unduly anxious, Pellew told himself. Bracey had apologised for the wine, but he undersold his own skills at choosing in that area as he modestly did so many others. The wine was, in fact, very good and the conversation , without midshipmen and without guests who knew little of the sea, had been free flowing as the claret which fuelled it and amusing and rich in shared reminiscence as it should be among those who daily watch each other’s backs throughout danger.
And between them the officers had put together the makings of a comfortable, and filling supper, if not quite of the substance of the famed Pellew dinner table. He knew they were none of them wealthy, and accustomed to provide for them from time to time, almost casually, out of his own easy circumstances these days, he realised that they had made great effort to achieve the best they could. He swallowed hard and felt a different kind of warmth along with that engendered by the claret. He joined in the toast to His Majesty , letting both kinds of warmth have their moment.
But Bracegirdle was rising to his feet again- Good God, he was going to make a speech -and if he himself were , as they had said , their particular guest, did that mean... What kind of impudent folly was this ? Pellew felt the muscles of his neck begin to ache even as he knew that all rules of gentlemanly behaviour demanded his courteous attention to what was to be said. Bracegirdle, the eternally kind face more than a little pink from wine and daring both, started innocuously enough.” We thank you, Sir, for honouring us by being our guest this evening. It has been good simply to have time to talk with one another...
... A little later his confidence was shaken by the turn Bracey’s narrative then took: “ but now, honoured guest and gentlemen; to the main part of our celebration - a toast - to one whose endeavours have brought this ship and all who love her much pride, and have enthralled the whole nation as many have read of it.
And we have the honour to have learned that a new token of the esteem of the people of the country has been made and is now to be obtained in our beloved England. “
There was a sharp drawn breath from Pellew, and Horatio for a moment wavered that they had done the right thing , watching the captains’ s hands’ almost convulsive grip on the napkin and the veiled gaze which reminded him of his misjudgements on that other occasion. Then the captain looked up, albeit unfocussed on any of them as yet, and seemed to be waiting , intently. Stretching out one long hand on the table as if to parley for - quiet ?Ask for mercy ? Freeing his shoulders by flexing them, he met Horatio’s eye and then settled back against his chair, altogether more content- well, resigned perhaps, to his fate. Indeed an amused gleam already lit the depth of his eyes.
Bracegirdle was almost done : “ Although we know that it is not Edward Pellew’s way to flaunt populist titles for the sake of self aggrandisement merely-“.. and at this there appeared on the captains’ face the beginnings of a genuine smile breaking the carefully studied sternness. Then a shake of the head and a gracious gesture of the hand that accepted the gently ironic hit.
And, tuning to Horatio, Pellew raised his glass in silent salute, his message having conveyed already the substance of his thought. Horatio echoed the gesture and smiled back, grateful for the acknowledgment both of the follies of his younger self and the human frailties of his mentor.
So, Bracegirdle raised his glass, “Here in the press we read of the striking of new coins , two designs at least, with the motto “ Glorious Pellew” and with the portrait of our own captain, a profile crowned with laurels- Pellew shifted in his chair and met the eyes of his most senior officer , in which there was no guile, and so in return there was in his own no embarrassed anger, rather a bemused curiosity.
“ So gentlemen , a toast - and as he paused , each in turn added their word to the phrase:
to the glorious
and generous,
and gifted
and - great -hearted
(just in time, Horatio was relieved to realise, Archie had kicked his shin, recognising him as being too lost in the moment, or in the man, to remember his turn to speak had come)
Sir Edward Pellew,” Bracey finished. “May he and Indefatigable never know defeat. Gentleman, though we will surely be forbidden from this moment to speak it ever hereafter, I give you the toast : to Glorious Pellew!”
“ Glorious Pellew!”
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5.
What to do ? What to say ? Thus was Pellew uncharacteristically lost for words, and with a mind racing in quite inglorious nervousness. ‘Well? come on, man’ he chided himself. “Stand up and spit it out then.” And as he did so he was suddenly aware that the tension was suddenly gone, that arms and shoulders felt more supple again and that he was ready for this moment. Nevertheless he still chose his words with great care.
He was able to reach into a pocket and produce , eyebrow arched in wry self -awareness, a specimen of the coin, to suitably delighted laughter . The coin, with its hazily approximate portrait, laurel leaf coronet and all, duly did the rounds. The coin had arrived in the mail, courtesy of Israel : “ To the Glorious Edward Pellew- far above my touch, but still beloved ,brother mine ,” and with a commentary thereafter managing to be both sardonic and affectionate in equal measure.
“ You will see , gentlemen, that It is a halfpenny token merely ! Perhaps a reminder of the old saying of the spoiling for lack of ha ‘porth of tar - though today I suppose that it is I who am spoiled , in quite another sense, by a king’s- ransom -worth of tars. He knew Bracey would like that conceit - his also was a lovely old fashioned way with words. The young men looked slightly perplexed, but they heard and understood the ‘king’s ransom” and both lowered their gaze, shining eyes cast down a moment, but inwardly they were taking wing.
“ But for the halfpenny - it is a reminder about all the small things that matter - which taken together make up the essential of mutual concern for all officers and men in His Majesty’s Navy. Gentlemen - I thank you for this most kind hospitality - and for what it will mean to me to recall it when war and the Admiralty have scattered all of here asunder on many paths across the globe.”
“I have always believed a good officer should know both sides of any plan .If you would turn to the reverse side you can read the legend there - Mr Kennedy, perhaps you would oblige ?”
“There is Britannia seated , sir, and the legend is “ victorious British tars””
“Thank you, sir. Gentlemen , I give you a toast : Victorious British tars,” - he held up a hand before the toast could be shared to add :
“To a crew who give of their all , and whose right to the laurels of victory is as much and indeed far more than mine
“And to my officers who- despite their damned impudence, especially those who should know better”
- the restless gaze stilled and settled on his senior lieutenant. But Bracegirdle though blushing, was yet was in no way disconcerted. Pellew took in Bowles, with his wolf- like big grin, now there was a man as old and as cynical a sea dog as he was himself. Kennedy, now so near to being whole again, and coping with such parts of the continued darkness that would always be part of memory for him. Bracey, whose understanding of loyalty and shared aims was second to none. And Horatio-well, where were the words with which to begin? The high sense of honour, the loyal heart and strong body , made him one of the best, even allowing for a captain’s partiality.
“My officers ,who, despite their impudence ,” he was smiling as broadly as most of them there had seen, and Archie saw how right he had been that such a smile worked wonders in the tired and handsome face.
“ are the most loyal and courageous and the most valued of friends. Truly it is there we find what is glorious . The glorious body. A body bonded in common cause, shared adversity , and mutual trust.”
He looked as openly as he could manage around at them all, seeing also others with whom he had shared mess tables in other seas and harbours , and knowing that he must stop, or else the unforgivable might ensue and he would indeed weep in front of them.
“ For all of which things daily I thank my God. So then, gentlemen , I give you - the victorious British tars...”
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6.
Later that night cocooned in hammock, next to Horatio in the dim lamplight, Archie was doing what he loved to do with all great moments that he wished to keep in mind. He had done it to greater or shorter length for riches like the beauty of a young man or young woman seen but for a moment on a quay, the latest poetry that he had learned, the pleasure of a play.
He had lately done it with yearning eloquence on the subject of the taste and warmth of Horatio when woken from sleep in order to make love before watch began. All these delights he liked to review from the comfort of his bunk, as if rehearsing reasons to rejoice in life.
Mindful of how good that was and how very far it marked his journey from the despair of Ferrol , Horatio would more often than not encourage it and join in with a quiet sentence or two here and there . In the last instance, with that mixture of embarrassment and arousal Archie delighted in causing, he had eventually used his mouth in the most reliable way he knew to silence Archie, or at least to silence coherent speech. Tonight, though, the extra wine had taken its toll and he listened on the verge of sleep, added a murmur of assent or encouragement every so often to Archie’s enumeration of the many good moments in the last hours.
“Glorious body “- - “ Do you know, Horatio, when the captain used it, it made me think of what a wonderful phrase that is .I know its in the burial service - but as a phrase its just delicious- and, you must surely agree that, at least in so far as it concerns the captain, its not wide of the mark as a description. After all, heroism inspires, but inspiration benefits from a well formed frame like that; and my God, Horatio, when he lets himself smile! Its a revelation, truly,...
He wriggled round smiling, fully expecting to meet a fondly critical gaze or some unconvincing remonstration. Neither was forthcoming. Horatio was asleep - although maybe not yet beyond hearing for he was smiling gently all the while. Archie blew out the lamp and settled back down, content with the moment.
“Glorious body” - that is more than just a little true and there is more than just one of them here in the Indy, thought Archie . But he grinned widely in the darkness , as he thought of those elegant curls in the coin, ,crowned with laurels , like Apollo or some other of the gods. He’d not be able to think of the captains’ dark hair, normally so well braided and correct, like his whole self, in quite the same way again.
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7.
The laureate, himself, meanwhile, sat in the moonlight under the stern windows of his cabin, half undressed, with one barefoot leg drawn up at the knee, supporting his palm in which lay the little coin. For once his thoughts around a familiar theme caused him no anxious pacing. At this late hour it seemed for once possible to ponder and dream, without the gnawing edge of all that bound his life - rules, honour, pride, seeking to knock down even the gentlest of longing daydreams. “Glorious ,” he thought , torn between delight and cynicism and stretching his arms up and around to ease a tired head and shoulders, remembering his sense of constriction earlier that day . And as to the laurel wreath - there was a curly haired profile whom it would far better become than his own, though that day could wait its turn also. Today had both begun and ended in gift :a rare and great thing.
But that was enough for now, for the moment there was beauty, laughter, conversation and too much fine claret and all of them made for contentment and a quiet ending.
Tomorrow the dilemmas would still be there- it , he, we, dammit , will all be there and so tomorrow he would resume his quest to make sense of duty, feeling, thought and need. Tonight, though, he had been given so unexpected a gift and one which left him feeling a genuine humility he struggled to express. Too many of his words were habitually command- something inevitable , but not incurable, in other contexts than the quarterdeck. There he commanded all he surveyed : elsewhere other kinds of speech, of husband, father, friend , even lover- they required another tone indeed.
He was as happy as he been in a very long time .Sometimes even a captain earns a moment of grace..Or rather does not earn, but is found by. As he finally lay in his bed in the filtering clarity of the moonlight , he heard again Bracegirdle’s words, saw the affection in his and all the faces present and heard the determined chorus as the glasses were raised : “Glorious Pellew.” He snorted at his own vanity and at how easily one can be beguiled. But the friendship, the loyalty and - good heavens, you’re alone, man, you can name it for what it is here, - the love; they were no ephemeral title, nor fading laurel coronet.
( Damned ridiculous I’d look in one anyway)
They were everything, they were the truth, the way one overcame all the frippery stuff, and all the grief and the loss. And even the gates of hell would not prevail against them. “Good God, man, you grow soft in your old age”, he told himself, but none too fiercely. For once, his strict inner critic was as lulled by claret, affection and weariness as was the rest of him. At length, comfortably awash on those gifts , he slept.
Epilogue
As his lieutenant had wisely predicted, he would ban the epithet- but perhaps not too fiercely. In any case they would use it behind his back . But there was at least one place it might be permitted. Captain Sir Edward Pellew, despite the awed midshipmen who believed the converse to be true, was in fact in every way a fallible and human being. Because of that he found a moment to picture Captain Foster reading about the new coinage. He hoped he was enjoying the read.