Fic
Title: Acrostic
Written By: lucsmum
Category: General
Rating: NC-17
Author's Notes: I don't anything and this is just a snippet of enlightenment.
Luke sat in his bedroom and let the tears flow freely as he fingered Reid's stethoscope. It had been one month since that wonderful yet horrible day. He'd told Reid that he loved him and Reid had said that he loved Luke. He did, he'd said it. Out loud, freely and without reservation because he'd planned to come back to Luke. Only he hadn't.
It had been just under a month since Luke had said goodbye to Noah at WOAK. Noah had said that he still loved him and wanted him to come to LA when he was ready. Then he'd kissed Luke. Luke hadn't kissed him back and had literally turned the other cheek because he wasn't ready and didn't think he would ever be ready. But still the offer was there and it intrigued him. It was an offer to go back to something and someone that was familiar rather than moving on towards something that was unknown, scary and maybe a little lonely.
Luke wiped his tears and went to sit down at his desk. Maybe he should write about it, write down his feelings and try to make sense of the tumult that was living inside of his chest. He'd always enjoyed writing and reached inside a drawer for a notebook and pencil. Instead of an A4 notepad, Luke's fingers brushed against a journal which he pulled out and laid on the desk. It was the journal that he had been writing in back in May and as he ran his hand over the beaten leather cover he slowly opened the book to the last entry: May 31 or Black Monday as he has written in the margin.
God, that day seemed like a million years ago. He and Reid had gone looking for Gabriel then ended up back at the house where Reid had promptly whipped his ass in a game of chess. Reid had told him that he wanted him, he'd endearingly babbled like a lovestruck teenager and the only thing Luke could think to do was kiss him. Kiss him tentatively, kiss him tenderly then kiss him passionately, gripping his arms and pulling him closer. It made Luke sigh just to think about that kiss. Reid told him that he wanted to be alone with him and Luke had wanted that too and would have if Noah hadn't been squinting and peering through the window.
Two words: hell and handbasket. Reid had wanted Luke to be honest. Honest with Reid, honest with Noah and more importantly with himself. He'd told Reid that he had feelings for him but was still in love with Noah. He told Noah that he still loved him even after Noah had revealed that he'd seen Luke and Reid kissing. Noah could see and he'd used that miracle to lie to Luke, to entrap him in his own lie and to dismiss him once again. Luke had begged, he pleaded then he'd run to the only other place he'd known where to go. Reid. His new happy place only it wasn't happy because Reid had thrown him out, hurt and sick and tired of being a second choice.
Luke had come home then, defeated and broken, unsure of how to fix the situation and himself because glue and cellotape weren't meant for broken hearts. So the idea had come to him to write poetry and pray that the magical cure all could be found therein just as the eyedrops had cleared Noah's vision.
Luke's eyes were drawn down the page to the two acrostic poems that he had written that day.
N ot Reid. Hmmmm
O verbearing. Noah has this need to dominate me, tell me what to do, how to act and what to feel.
A meera!!!!! One of the worst times of my life.
H otheaded. His temper scares me sometimes.
M akes me feel guilty all the time. I'm always apologizing for something. Like his blindness.
A rgumentative. He never tries to see my point of view or my side of things.
Y o-yo. That's what he does to me. Jerks me up then jerks me down.
E motionally abusive. I love you. I don't love you. It was a joke. Don't touch me. Why Luke?
R ejects me again and again.
R ude but I kind of like that and I know it's just a defence mechanism.
E yes of the clearest blue. I could drown in those eyes.
I ntuitive. In other words he calls me on my shit.
D edicated to patients, even Noah. That says a lot.
O ut there. What you see is what you get. He's not a game player.
L ikes me!!!! Me, all of me. Warts and all.
I diot. That's his current pet name for me when I go all “drama queen”. I think I like it.
V ery sexy. Oh yeah, very sexy indeed.
E xciting. Just being with him makes me tingly.
R eid. Just REID.
Wow.
Luke reread the poems again. As in real life, on the page Noah and Reid were polar opposites. Everything about Noah screamed WRONG and everything about Reid screamed RIGHT. He hadn't written anything else on the page but he remembered that he'd taken enlightenment and confirmation from it then as he was doing now.
He couldn't go to LA and although Noah had been supportive when Reid died, Luke knew that a life with him was out of the question. He needed to move forward not backward and if Reid were alive, he'd be kicking Luke's butt for even thinking about it for one minute. He'd told Noah that they weren't right for each other and whether Reid was alive or dead, that still held true. Reid had helped Luke to rediscover himself after he'd become lost in Noah; he'd held a mirror up to Luke and made him take a good long look at what and who he wanted in his life.
The problem was, he wanted Reid. He'd wanted Reid then and he wanted him so desperately now. There would never be another 'Reid' but he wouldn't settle for Noah. He deserved better and Reid's memory deserved better.
FIN
Written By: lucsmum
Category: General
Rating: NC-17
Author's Notes: I don't anything and this is just a snippet of enlightenment.
Luke sat in his bedroom and let the tears flow freely as he fingered Reid's stethoscope. It had been one month since that wonderful yet horrible day. He'd told Reid that he loved him and Reid had said that he loved Luke. He did, he'd said it. Out loud, freely and without reservation because he'd planned to come back to Luke. Only he hadn't.
It had been just under a month since Luke had said goodbye to Noah at WOAK. Noah had said that he still loved him and wanted him to come to LA when he was ready. Then he'd kissed Luke. Luke hadn't kissed him back and had literally turned the other cheek because he wasn't ready and didn't think he would ever be ready. But still the offer was there and it intrigued him. It was an offer to go back to something and someone that was familiar rather than moving on towards something that was unknown, scary and maybe a little lonely.
Luke wiped his tears and went to sit down at his desk. Maybe he should write about it, write down his feelings and try to make sense of the tumult that was living inside of his chest. He'd always enjoyed writing and reached inside a drawer for a notebook and pencil. Instead of an A4 notepad, Luke's fingers brushed against a journal which he pulled out and laid on the desk. It was the journal that he had been writing in back in May and as he ran his hand over the beaten leather cover he slowly opened the book to the last entry: May 31 or Black Monday as he has written in the margin.
God, that day seemed like a million years ago. He and Reid had gone looking for Gabriel then ended up back at the house where Reid had promptly whipped his ass in a game of chess. Reid had told him that he wanted him, he'd endearingly babbled like a lovestruck teenager and the only thing Luke could think to do was kiss him. Kiss him tentatively, kiss him tenderly then kiss him passionately, gripping his arms and pulling him closer. It made Luke sigh just to think about that kiss. Reid told him that he wanted to be alone with him and Luke had wanted that too and would have if Noah hadn't been squinting and peering through the window.
Two words: hell and handbasket. Reid had wanted Luke to be honest. Honest with Reid, honest with Noah and more importantly with himself. He'd told Reid that he had feelings for him but was still in love with Noah. He told Noah that he still loved him even after Noah had revealed that he'd seen Luke and Reid kissing. Noah could see and he'd used that miracle to lie to Luke, to entrap him in his own lie and to dismiss him once again. Luke had begged, he pleaded then he'd run to the only other place he'd known where to go. Reid. His new happy place only it wasn't happy because Reid had thrown him out, hurt and sick and tired of being a second choice.
Luke had come home then, defeated and broken, unsure of how to fix the situation and himself because glue and cellotape weren't meant for broken hearts. So the idea had come to him to write poetry and pray that the magical cure all could be found therein just as the eyedrops had cleared Noah's vision.
Luke's eyes were drawn down the page to the two acrostic poems that he had written that day.
N ot Reid. Hmmmm
O verbearing. Noah has this need to dominate me, tell me what to do, how to act and what to feel.
A meera!!!!! One of the worst times of my life.
H otheaded. His temper scares me sometimes.
M akes me feel guilty all the time. I'm always apologizing for something. Like his blindness.
A rgumentative. He never tries to see my point of view or my side of things.
Y o-yo. That's what he does to me. Jerks me up then jerks me down.
E motionally abusive. I love you. I don't love you. It was a joke. Don't touch me. Why Luke?
R ejects me again and again.
R ude but I kind of like that and I know it's just a defence mechanism.
E yes of the clearest blue. I could drown in those eyes.
I ntuitive. In other words he calls me on my shit.
D edicated to patients, even Noah. That says a lot.
O ut there. What you see is what you get. He's not a game player.
L ikes me!!!! Me, all of me. Warts and all.
I diot. That's his current pet name for me when I go all “drama queen”. I think I like it.
V ery sexy. Oh yeah, very sexy indeed.
E xciting. Just being with him makes me tingly.
R eid. Just REID.
Wow.
Luke reread the poems again. As in real life, on the page Noah and Reid were polar opposites. Everything about Noah screamed WRONG and everything about Reid screamed RIGHT. He hadn't written anything else on the page but he remembered that he'd taken enlightenment and confirmation from it then as he was doing now.
He couldn't go to LA and although Noah had been supportive when Reid died, Luke knew that a life with him was out of the question. He needed to move forward not backward and if Reid were alive, he'd be kicking Luke's butt for even thinking about it for one minute. He'd told Noah that they weren't right for each other and whether Reid was alive or dead, that still held true. Reid had helped Luke to rediscover himself after he'd become lost in Noah; he'd held a mirror up to Luke and made him take a good long look at what and who he wanted in his life.
The problem was, he wanted Reid. He'd wanted Reid then and he wanted him so desperately now. There would never be another 'Reid' but he wouldn't settle for Noah. He deserved better and Reid's memory deserved better.
FIN