Er, two: ever since we did the rewatch last week, I've been trying to get into Dee's head. Which I do not, incidentally, necessarily believe I've succeeded in.
Three: I was attempting to fic my way toward this, and it ended up kind of more Lee-centric meta, as filtered through Dee's (um, possible) perspective.
Four: the prompt SECRETS gave me exactly the right thread to tie one end to the other.
BUT, five: it's set during Sometimes A Great Notion, and thus is the OPPOSITE of cracky, silly, short, and so on. Also, we all know how it ends.
Therefore, six: I'm going to post it, but I would like to say right now that even though I've tried to make her thought processes make sense in light of her suicide, that is very different to meaning I agree with them all.
fic: what it takes to believe (1/2)themonkeytwinApril 4 2011, 07:13:32 UTC
You sit across from him, this gleaming golden man, indestructible amidst the rubble of the world, carrying its weight on his unbowed shoulders, and everything finally makes sense. You know the secret, the secret that is so big and so obvious that everyone lives it and no one really notices it.
He laughs, in this momentary release from the revelations of the day, and the light in his eyes blasts clear to your bare soul, and you know that you didn’t understand before. Not really. You always wanted something to believe in, and knew that believing in something was to belong to it, become a part of it. But somehow, you assumed it would go both ways. Should go both ways. That you should own what you believed in, just as wholly as it owned you
( ... )
fic: what it takes to believe (2/2)themonkeytwinApril 4 2011, 07:15:03 UTC
A soft, wistful smile plays on his lips to the music of some old memory, a smile that was never yours, and you can smile back because this is your secret. For years, now, you have spent yourself here, tended this altar, singing its hymns with more-than-faith because you know. And now you were called on once more, for the last time. You, the only one who knew the sacraments for this rite, who for your devotion had been granted entrance to the inner sanctum in which to give them
( ... )
Re: fic: what it takes to believe (2/2)themonkeytwinApril 5 2011, 16:14:39 UTC
Thank you so much! I love the heightened reality that metaphor gives you, but don't often get to indulge it as much as here. Sometimes I have to do very strict metaphor-patrol to keep my writing from falling into incomprehensibility! I'm so glad it had the impact I was going for :):)
Re: fic: what it takes to believe (2/2)anamaryaApril 5 2011, 07:42:12 UTC
simply gorgeous. and Dee's perspective. waw. i usually like her so much but in a sad way there are moments like this when even if i still don't like her, i understand her. and the fact that you almost made me came to peace with the one thing that i could not forgive her for - giving up - its great.
i'll not say anything about your portrait of Lee because... any words would be unworthy.
Re: fic: what it takes to believe (2/2)themonkeytwinApril 5 2011, 16:23:51 UTC
Thank you! If you can usually understand her, I'm really glad this read well to you, because I was only very tentatively feeling my way. I agree with you, her giving up was just so hard to take, and I still find it hard to make sense of it sometimes. Writing this definitely helped, though, and I'm glad it helped you too.
Re: fic: what it takes to believe (1/2)themonkeytwinApril 5 2011, 05:21:14 UTC
The more I see of Lee, the more he breaks my heart and the more I admire him. Apart from coming to terms with Dee, this was a little bit of me trying to capture something of that. So thank you! :)
Er, two: ever since we did the rewatch last week, I've been trying to get into Dee's head. Which I do not, incidentally, necessarily believe I've succeeded in.
Three: I was attempting to fic my way toward this, and it ended up kind of more Lee-centric meta, as filtered through Dee's (um, possible) perspective.
Four: the prompt SECRETS gave me exactly the right thread to tie one end to the other.
BUT, five: it's set during Sometimes A Great Notion, and thus is the OPPOSITE of cracky, silly, short, and so on. Also, we all know how it ends.
Therefore, six: I'm going to post it, but I would like to say right now that even though I've tried to make her thought processes make sense in light of her suicide, that is very different to meaning I agree with them all.
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He laughs, in this momentary release from the revelations of the day, and the light in his eyes blasts clear to your bare soul, and you know that you didn’t understand before. Not really. You always wanted something to believe in, and knew that believing in something was to belong to it, become a part of it. But somehow, you assumed it would go both ways. Should go both ways. That you should own what you believed in, just as wholly as it owned you ( ... )
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I've had that problem. I try to stop before I'm crying. lol
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WONDERFUL. I love it. Simply beautiful.
Thanks so much for sharing.
cheers.
--Lex
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i'll not say anything about your portrait of Lee because... any words would be unworthy.
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And thank you for the compliment! :)
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what a powerful image! heartbreaking...
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