fic for greatfountain
For: greatfountain
From: ltgmars
Title: Crazy Little Thing Called
Pairing/Focus: Nino/Subaru, Yoko/Aiba, Jun; mentions of others
Rating: PG
Warnings: There's some tense switching that gets rather messy, but it's intentional.
Summary: It takes Nino a while to figure out which world he wants to live in.
Notes: Split MMORPG/teenage-era AU. greatfountain, I hope you like it. ♥ E, bb, you beta like a dream.
The land was flat. Dead. There was nothing to see for kilometers, in any direction, a wasteland of dirt and dust. Every once in a long while, someone would pass by and drop a seed. It would sit on the hard ground unmoving, unmoved, like a shattered dream that no one had the courage to have in the first place.
That was what it was like in the Plains, the area between east and west, split down the middle by rusted train tracks that looked in disrepair but everyone knew was in use.
Nino knew it, too. He knew of the land, and he knew of the train. It rolled by once a day, every day, to take the citizens to the Outskirts, where they could barter for crops on the black market when the government-supplied rations weren't enough (and they never were). The east side of the train cars were always packed, uncomfortably warm. The stench of stale sweat filled the air as the train moved along, the click-clack of the train on the track interrupted only by the helpless wails of hungry children.
Nino rarely got a seat on the train. He didn't mind, because it meant that he wouldn't be forced to stare out the window on the other side, watching the scrolling landscape of emptiness as they pressed forward. But that day he sat, because Aiba had forced him to go exploring a new part of East City and his legs were as dead as the land. Walking slowly was a nice recharge, but sitting was considerably more efficient.
In the Plains, and even in the World itself, efficiency mattered a great deal.
Nino had found a seat between an elderly gentleman and a young woman breastfeeding her newborn baby, right there on the train. Efficiency, Nino supposed. He felt sorry for the baby, sorry that he had to be born into the World when things were as bad as they were, sorry that there wasn't more he could do for the ones who were still innocent, who had no idea how hard life would be once they had grown up enough to recognize it.
Nino sighed and faced forward, startled to catch the eye of a boy about his age, with long, shaggy hair and pierced ears. The boy was sitting directly across from him... across from him, on the west side of the car. Was he from West City? How did he manage to get on the train? A dozen or more questions devoured Nino's thoughts as he stared at the boy and the boy stared back.
The train click-clacked along.
*
"Isn't that weird, though?" Nino asks, shutting his laptop. He pushes it to the far side of the bed and shuffles closer to the wall. "You've never seen anyone on that side of the train, have you?"
Aiba logs out of the World and sits his laptop next to Nino's. "I don't take the train as often as you do."
"Because you're too lazy to get food for yourself."
"It's so tedious," Aiba says, stretching. "Besides, there are always new places to explore in East City. We haven't even touched a fraction of the map, and there's still something new constructed every day."
Nino smirks. "I swear, if it weren't for me, you'd be dead. In this world and that one."
Aiba bumps his shoulder, hard, and Nino teeters into his pillow in a flurry of giggles.
*
They're seventeen. They're young, they're energetic (about their lethargy, at least), they're avoiding summer homework. Aiba's apparently fallen in love at first sight with a tall boy from the basketball team who has "the most luscious lips you've eve--" "Don't." And Nino's stuck taking care of him, because he was tricked into becoming the other boy's best friend as soon as they met in middle school.
"We should go explore West City," Aiba says casually as he waits for the World to load.
"You just want to see if that Yokoyama guy is there," Nino says evenly, logging into his own account. "Ahh, if only you weren't blinded by love long enough to remember that we can't get to West City."
"Hey, you don't know that. All we need to do is cross the tracks and walk around for a while. We'll find it!"
*
They waited until nightfall to creep across the tracks. Nino had no idea what it was they would see on the other side, but there must have been some reason why the Plains were uninhabited the way they were. Always devoid of movement, of life, except for the time in the morning when the citizens of East City filed onto the train, and the time in the afternoon when they came back, only slightly less hungry than they were before.
It was surprisingly cold at night. The wind blew at them from all sides, unobstructed as the Plains were, and Aiba was constantly shielding their eyes from the oncoming dust that blew up from the ground. Nino hoped that they would find something soon, because his health was dipping to unfavorable lows, and he hated how nice it felt to be huddled together with Aiba as they trekked forward.
Aiba's clumsiness was what saved them, when in the darkness he tripped and brought the both of them crashing down.
"Owowoww..." Nino whined, his arm caught under Aiba's side at an odd angle. "Get off, get off get off get off..."
"Sorry about that," Aiba said quietly. He tried to roll away, but he kept rolling back into Nino, who found himself wishing that Aiba would develop night vision so that he could see the look of utter malice Nino had on his face.
"Who's out there?" came a demanding voice, tremulous underneath.
Nino and Aiba turned on their knees, putting their hands up defensively.
A lantern flickered on, and Nino and Aiba were met with the face of a boy their age with gawky limbs and an awkward-looking frown on his face. "What are you doing out here, rolling around on my tent?"
Before Nino could think through a cautious response, Aiba said, "We're trying to get to West City."
The other boy narrowed his eyes at them, seeming to weigh his options. "So am I." His face broke out into a grin, and Nino found that awkward-looking as well, but endearingly so.
Nino smiled up at him. "Do you think you can take us in for a night? It's damn cold out here."
"Oh! Of course! Come on in."
*
Matsumoto Jun had been travelling for a while, but after weeks of walking, he'd given up and set up camp on the west side of the tracks.
"You run into a lot of interesting people out here," he explained as he poured blubbering hot water out from his kettle and into their teacups. "People who're looking for something, or someone, or trying to get to West City like we are."
Aiba brought the teacup to his lips and made a pained noise at the hot liquid. Nino ignored him and addressed Jun. "Have you heard anything that might be useful?"
Jun shook his head. "Nothing really. There was an old man a couple of weeks back who mentioned a boy on the train, but it didn't make a lot of sense."
Wait, what? Nino frowned. "A boy on the train?"
"Yeah," Jun said, nodding. He rotated his teacup slowly in his hands and looked off to the side in thought. "Some kind of legend, really. There's a boy who sits on the train on the west side of the car, alone. You can't touch him, and he doesn't respond if you try talking to him. But no one's actually seen him."
"Nino, didn't you say--"
Nino shot Aiba a threatening look before returning his attention to Jun. "So does anyone know who he is? What if he's just some quiet kid who wants to sit on the other side of the car?"
Jun pursed his lips, unconvinced. "That could be. Or he could be the key to unlocking West City."
Nino sipped at his tea. "Mm, delicious," he mumbled. It was just the right mix of sweetness and bitterness.
Jun smiled and put down his teacup. "I have to log off now, but you two are welcome to spend the night. I like having friends over." Jun flickered into a logoff notice before disappearing completely.
Nino smiled wryly, taking another sip of his tea. "We jumped from strangers to friends pretty quickly there, Jun-kun."
*
Nino doesn't expect to see a tall boy from the basketball team with luscious lips sitting on Aiba's bed when he gets to his room, but then, Aiba's the definition of unexpected. "You must be Yokoyama."
Yoko looks up at him with a carefully neutral expression on his face. "Are you Nino? Aiba's in the bathroom, but he said to be expecting a shrimp to arrive momentarily."
Nino looks at Yoko blankly, and Yoko snickers. He waits a few seconds before taking Aiba's desk chair and carrying it to the bathroom to jam the door shut.
*
When school starts up again, it's harder to find a chance to log into the World. But Nino, Aiba, and Yoko make time for it every afternoon, through the end of summer and deep into autumn, and deeper still into winter term. It's January in both worlds, and they're spending more and more time going in and staying in, bundled together on Aiba's (or Nino's or Yoko's) bed under a mess of fleece sweatshirts and wool blankets. Nino's an indoor creature, so it doesn't bother him to stay in once he's made it to Aiba's house after baseball practice, but Nino doesn't miss the way Aiba looks at the basketball in the corner of his room. And he'll admit to himself (but not to anyone else) that he does miss trying to choose which of the other two boys to harass when they're taking a break from the World and playing one-on-one at the park.
Nino also thinks that Yoko must either be incredibly oblivious or incredibly stupid not to be seeing the longing glances that Aiba has been giving him for months, but he's not such a terrible person that he's going to bring it up directly.
Directly, mind you.
"So how did you two meet again?" he says as if he doesn't know, walking his avatar onto the train platform. "You were flirting with Yoko and he followed you home, right?"
"I hate you, and no. We sat next to each other at a soba restaurant."
Nino knows that Aiba scoped out said soba restaurant like a stalker to see when Yoko would be there, but he keeps that gem to himself. "Was it good?"
"The soba?" Yoko asks.
"Yes, the soba, what else would I be talking about?"
Yoko nearly tears up as he remembers. "It was so good..."
Nino smirks when he catches Aiba watching Yoko, his avatar jogging endlessly into the corner of a room. Aiba looks up at him in and jerks in surprise when he realizes he's been caught, frowning when Nino's smirk grows into a giggly grin. "Just play."
*
The boy was always there, always on the west side of the car. Nino always ended up directly in front of him, whether he was sitting or standing, and they always spent the train ride into the Outskirts and back just watching each other. No one else seemed to notice the boy, and the boy seemed to have no interest in doing anything but looking at Nino as they swayed with the motion of the train.
Nino was actually happy for the cold. The babies who'd cried their way through summer and autumn were bundled up, curled up in their mothers' arms and sleeping the train ride away. The smell of sweat had been replaced by a cold nothingness, and Nino had nothing but the click-clacking of the train tracks to distract him from his thoughts.
*
Nino looked up to see the other boy there, again, on the west side of the car. He seemed closer that day, or more accessible somehow. Maybe Nino had gotten used to watching him, had gotten used to being watched by him, but whatever it was, it made him feel good. He wanted to know more about the other boy, wanted to see if what Jun's elderly informant had said was true. The other boy could be the key to unlocking West City.
Nino planted his feet on the train floor, looking at the tattered laces as he took a deep breath. Ready for the next step, he looked again at the other boy and held up a hand in greeting. "Hey."
Nino wakes up suddenly. When his eyes adjust, he sees Aiba's ceiling, covered in glow-in-the-dark stars. He turns to his right and sees Aiba curled in toward Yoko, and he wishes for a fleeting moment that the room weren't so cold.
*
Senior year starts with a bang in the form of a stern warning from Nino's mother. Nino is apparently supposed to figure out what to do with his life and to concentrate on studying and baseball and maybe a part-time job so that when entrance exam time comes, he'll have spent his energy in all the right ways and he'll be able to focus on doing well.
What this translates to, of course, is some quality time not on the computer. He drops by Yoko's house to tell Aiba and Yoko one afternoon, and he's a little touched to see in their eyes if not in their taunting voices that he'll really, truly be missed.
Of course, Nino finds a way to get around his mother's instructions, in part. He doesn't log into the World anymore, but at least he still gets to see the other two after he's finished on the days when he works at Aiba's family restaurant. Aiba's mom gives him leftovers, too, and because he loves her like his own mother, he always tries to eat as much as he can in front of her before his stomach explodes from the strain.
Nino's shift that night ends on a good note, though his stomach on a bad one, and he wobbles his way up to Aiba's room to crash for a while before he has to head home. Yoko and Aiba are sitting up on the bed against the wall, pressed together shoulder-to-knee even though there's plenty of room to allow for space between them.
Wordlessly, Nino lies down across their knees, and they lift their laptops up to let Nino roll over into their laps. They place their laptops across Nino's back and butt, and Nino snarls when Yoko scrunches his hand in Nino's hair like he's their dog. But this is the only time he gets to spend with the other two, at least until baseball season and entrance exams are over, so he takes what he can get.
"How's the World these days?" Nino asks, sighing contentedly when Yoko's scrunching turns into a kind of gentle stroking.
"Same as always," Aiba says dismissively, "though the weather in the Plains has been really terrible since you stopped logging in."
"Hmm, really?"
"That MatsuJun guy says it either has to do with Shibutani or Takizawa," Yoko adds.
"Oh, you visit Jun-kun now?" Last Nino knew of it, Yoko was still wandering around West City, just as he'd originally guessed.
"Well, no. I'm not even sure that I can access him if he's in that area of the Plains. But that's what Aiba tells me."
Aiba tickles the back of Nino's knee and Nino squirms, bobbing the laptops up and down as he giggles. "MatsuJun says that Yoko's experience and our experience are mirror images of each other. When you get on the train, there's a boy named Shibutani Subaru who sits on the west side of the car, but he's the only person on that side. When Yoko gets on the train, it's the same thing -- everyone's packed into the west side, and only a boy by the name of Takizawa Hideaki is on the east side."
"Though that's a rumor," Yoko says. "I've never seen Takizawa myself, and no one really believes that they actually exist."
Nino turns his head to the side and pretends to bite at Yoko's fingers. "I've told you guys plenty of times that I see... what's his name? Shibutani Subaru? I see him when I get on the train."
Yoko pinches the bridge of Nino's nose and moves Nino's head back and forth. "You're the only one, Nino-chan."
Nino scowls and raises his upper body suddenly, dislodging Yoko's laptop with a vengeance.
"Hey!"
*
The weather really had gotten awful. Nino had never seen the Plains as dreary as they were, cold and grey and wet and filled with a sense of gloom almost as endless as the Plains themselves. He crept along, knowing he wasn't supposed to be there, but he had things he wanted to see for himself.
He took a seat on the train and waited for it to fill up. The rest of the passengers were sopping wet, too tired to bring umbrellas to brave the storm or too poor to buy them. Being fed was necessary, but being dry was a commodity that most of the people on that godforsaken train could scarcely afford. Those who did not come into the World born into power were born into hell, and it was all they could do to make better lives for themselves, one meal at a time.
Subaru looked as surprised as Nino felt when he looked up and their eyes met. I'm just here for a little while, Nino mouthed. Subaru didn't say anything, but his look of alarm dissipated into the comfortable neutral look that Nino was used to.
Nino turned to the little girl on his left. "Say, why is it that no one sits on the other side of the train car?" he asked. If she could see Subaru, this would be when she would say so.
The little girl kicked her feet and looked around the train, disinterested. "I don't know~"
Nino thought as much. "I guess you don't."
He turned back to Subaru. Gathering up courage, he looked Subaru in the eye and said out loud, "Am I special?" The other people around him didn't seem to hear him.
Subaru stayed still for a long moment before he opened his mouth and said, "Yes."
Nino's computer screen goes black.
*
Jun shows up one day as a new waiter at Aiba's family restaurant, and Nino can't help but marvel at how tiny Japan actually is.
"How's baseball going?" Jun asks during the lull before dinner.
"It's going," Nino says blandly, spinning a set of chopsticks between his fingers. How much did Aiba tell this guy? "Regionals are coming up."
"I know. I'm a catcher."
Nino perks up. "Yeah? We'll be kicking your team's ass soon, then."
Jun grins. "Not if I can help it."
While they're taking a break during the dinner shift, Nino drags Jun upstairs, hoping to surprise Aiba and Yoko with the new appearance of their old friend.
"I'm sure Aiba-kun's told you everything about his super epic undying love for Yoko," Nino whispers.
"Yoko?" Jun sounds lost, and for some reason, it makes Nino really happy that Jun doesn't know.
"Never mind. You'll meet him in a second." Nino turns the doorknob slowly and peeks his head in to find Yoko on top of Aiba on the bed. His long fingers are splayed across Aiba's waist as he dips his head into the side of Aiba's neck, sucking on the skin there. Aiba's making breathless noises that Nino's never heard before, and he whines and turns his head and lets Yoko crush their lips together with a muffled groan.
Nino closes the door and smirks at Jun, who's standing in the hallway, stunned. "We'll come by again later."
*
"Are you upset?" Aiba asks over the phone a few days later.
"Of course not," and Nino means it. "It took you guys long enough." He puts the cap back on his highlighter and tosses it on top of his calculus notes.
"Sorry we didn't tell you sooner." He sounds so earnest, and Nino thinks again that he lucked out, having Aiba as a best friend. Well, one of his best friends.
"How long have you been together?" Nino asks, curious.
"A few weeks, maybe? Yoko sat me down one day and had this really weird bout of honesty where he told me he's really glad that he's been able to spend so much time with me, and I told him that I've always known I'm the person who can make him happies-- hey, stop that! I know you aren't actually throwing up!"
*
No one knew that he was doing what he was doing. Aiba and Yoko never came onto the train, and Jun was enjoying his life in his tent, so it was just Nino and his secrets every day, slinking into his seat and spending time with Subaru. Nino had figured out that no one saw him interact with Subaru, and as soon as Subaru realized how much Nino knew, he began to open up. Bit by bit, Subaru responded, pushing out of his engrained shyness as they talked about any number of topics. Nino told him about school, baseball, his job, Aiba and Yoko and Jun and his sister and his mom and his dog, the funny comedian sketch he saw on television, the lame comedian sketch he saw on television, his favorite foods, popular music... anything he could think of, just to talk. Talking to Subaru was comforting, because Nino understood how he was feeling. He still remembered his life before meeting Aiba; he knew what it was like not to have anyone to talk to.
Subaru listened and talked, and talked and listened. He laughed at Nino's bad jokes and asked for details about the things that interested him and made random, nonsensical comments. Nino found that those few hours on the train every day had become an outlet of sorts, his chance to release his stress from school and life, because he knew that Subaru would be there for him -- just him -- to listen.
But what was most spectacular about their friendship was that it made the Plains feel warm. For Nino, the World that had been so bleak for so long had begun to transform into something that could possibly be characterized as...
"It's been so sunny lately," Aiba says, tipping his laptop to the side to show Nino his view of the Plains. Nino blinks, realizing where he is. He nods indulgently before returning to his thoughts.
... nice.
*
"So we played kibasen in PE today," Nino said as soon as he took his seat.
Subaru chuckled. "How long has it been since I've played kibasen?" he wondered aloud.
"Oh, you've played before?" Nino was surprised. He was also surprised that he was surprised, but it might have been the first time that Subaru asserted his own experience in their conversations.
"Of course I have," Subaru said crossly. "This tall, perfect, manly body would have gone to waste otherwise."
Nino tipped his head back and laughed. Subaru was a strange one.
*
Subaru was fun to think about. Nino caught himself thinking about him more and more as the days progressed, and as the weeks rolled by on his calendar.
Nino blinks. Roll by on his calendar. He squints at the clock on his wall and turns to the sleepy dogpile that Aiba, Yoko, and Jun have created on his bed.
"Hey, you punks, I'm kicking you out."
Yoko nuzzles into Jun's side and gives Nino the finger.
"I'm a serious student, you know. I have to get a good night's rest so that I can be up early to study tomorrow."
Nino hears a chorus of three sleepy variations on the theme "liar", and he laughs despite himself.
"Just leave room for me, okay?" Nino closes his books and goes to turn off the lights. He looks toward the bed and in the moonlight streaming through his blinds, he sees his three best friends, wiggling around, leaving about four millimeters of space for Nino to squeeze into. "I guess that works."
He takes a running start and jumps on top of them, and the bed quakes with yelps and laughter and a couple of failed chokeholds, four boys trying to get rid of their giddy energy again so that they can go back to being exhausted.
Smooshed somewhere between Yoko and Jun, arms reaching across to keep Aiba from falling off the bed, Nino groggily wonders if there would be room for a fifth.
*
Was Nino falling for Subaru? He crossed his arms over his chest and watched his feet walk across the floor of the train.
"Nino," Subaru greeted affectionately.
Nino looked up at the other boy. He wasn't worried about his little crush, per se. Nino had never been the type to assume that romantic relationships were only a boy-girl thing, and Yoko and Aiba were both boys who were doing just fine. His main concern, really, was that he still wasn't sure about Subaru. Not just to him, but to the World at large. Was he an actual player? Or maybe just a construction of the game? Why was it that Nino was the only one who could see him and talk to him, and what was he doing all alone on the other side of the train car? Did Subaru even have feelings to return, or was Nino just falling for a really lifelike data set?
"Hey, Subaru," Nino said quietly.
"What is it?" Subaru asked, concerned. He had learned how to decipher Nino's moods, too. Clever for a computer program.
Nino sighed and decided to let go of his cynicism for the time being. Subaru was nice to talk to, whatever he was. "I have to take my college entrance exams soon, so I won't be around much for a little while. Is that okay with you?" Would a game character even know what college entrance exams were? Would he miss him while he was gone?
Subaru nodded solemnly. "Of course," he said, as if he understood.
*
"It's gotten dreary again in the Plains," Jun reports. Nino isn't sure why they feel the need to tell him since to their knowledge he hasn't played for months, but he does like knowing. Maybe he's had an impact on Subaru's mood after all. Assuming Subaru is even the one who controls the weather like Jun and his informants think he is.
"It's been fluctuating a lot, hasn't it?" Yoko says, nodding.
"Does it matter?" Nino says, and he realizes it's an earnest question. Does it matter what Subaru's mood is at any given moment?
Jun tilts his head to the side, frowning at the screen. "Not really, but it is strange. It used to not change at all." He pauses to type something out and then picks his thought back up. "Maybe someone's getting closer to figuring out how the World works."
"Ooh." Aiba wiggles. "Maybe we'll be able to go between East City and West City soon." He snuggles into Yoko's side and Yoko smiles fondly at him, and Nino wants to pass out just so that he doesn't have to witness the cutesy couple at its worst.
Jun responds as if Aiba and Yoko aren't feeling frisky right next to him. "It's a really cleverly designed game, isn't it? Even though it's been around a while, there are layers that haven't been revealed yet. It's constantly evolving, like it's constantly reprogramming itself to fit what the people want."
"Almost like it's human," Nino says.
*
Nino wants to log in, wants to see how Subaru's doing. He starts up the World and gets as far as the login page, but then he stops, second guesses himself. It's no use talking to someone who doesn't actually exist.
Nino closes his laptop and turns back to his textbooks.
*
Nino and Jun run into Yoko while they're out shopping. Nino had been trying to find new jeans, and Jun had insisted that he come along to help. Jun had scrutinized all of Nino's choices, going so far as to try on one pair over his own jeans, but in due time, they'd found something that was a tasteful mix of fashionable and dirt cheap, and Nino had been ready to call it a day.
"Nino! MatsuJun!" Yoko calls. He waves them over and invites them to sit at his table in the shopping center food court. "Here, meet my friends."
"Oh, you have friends?"
Yoko gives him a hurt look as he continues, "This is Murakami and his girlfriend Toda." A boy with jagged teeth and a gorgeous girl dip their heads in greeting. "Erika-chan is too hot for him, but he has really beautiful eyes, so it's okay." They all laugh and Murakami smacks Yoko on the head, and Nino can tell that he likes them already.
Nino and Jun decide to join Yoko and his friends on the rest of their shopping trip. And somehow it results in an exhausting and terrifying fashion duel between Jun and Toda. Watching the two, Nino thinks idly about how Subaru's probably never had an experience like this before.
"This does not bode well for the future," Yoko mutters. "I didn't realize MatsuJun spent this much on clothes."
Nino barely hears him, because he's spotted a jacket that he's sure would look good on Subaru, and he realizes with a start that Subaru takes up much more of his thinking time -- in both worlds -- than is strictly necessary.
*
The moment Nino gets home, he logs into the World.
Subaru looked up at Nino, surprised and maybe even pleased to see him there, depending on whether or not he actually had emotions. "I thought you were studying for entrance exams."
Nino wanted to know. He wanted to find out, sooner rather than later, whether he was wasting his time thinking about a person who didn't actually exist. "Subaru," he breathed, leaning down to press their lips together. He felt Subaru struggle for a moment, shocked, before breathing out and returning the kiss. Nino's heart beat wildly in his chest. When he stood up straight again, Subaru gave him a giant grin and said, "There are better ways to tell me you like me."
Nino laughed. "So you're real, then?"
The glee on Subaru's face disappeared in an instant, and Nino's computer screen goes black.
*
Nino ignores both worlds and throws himself into studying for his upcoming exam. He knows he has no chance of getting into Tokyo University, but even studying for the impossible is better than having to face the possible -- the present, the actually happening.
As Nino expected, the exam is one of the hardest exams he's ever taken, and he stumbles out of the university in staggered steps, his legs and brain turned to jelly, his erasers nothing but nubs. How a single exam can do that to a person, he doesn't understand, but as soon as he steps foot off campus and looks into the street ahead of him, he realizes that he has to confront what he's been running away from for weeks.
Because Shibutani Subaru is standing right there in front of him.
And in the blink of an eye, he's gone.
*
Subaru wouldn't look at him. It was cold on the train, cold as death, and all Nino wanted was that bit of warmth he got when Subaru talked to him. But Subaru was refusing to give it to him, and Nino couldn't say that he blamed him.
"Subaru, I'm sorry. You came to my entrance exam, didn't you? You wanted me to do well."
Subaru furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head at the floor.
"At least talk to me. Look at me. I want to be your friend again." Nino knew he sounded desperate, his voice raspy in the cold air, but he also knew that he wanted to deal with his problem instead of letting it eat at him. He would have been happy letting the problem go away on its own, but Nino had kept seeing Subaru around -- at the batting center, on his way to Aiba's house, on the swing at the park next to his house. He hadn't expected Subaru to be the vindictive type who wouldn't let Nino forget his lack of faith in him, but maybe all it came down to was that Subaru was hurt. Maybe Subaru had feelings after all. Maybe he cared about Nino just as much as Nino cared about him.
Though if he did, he made no indication. He remained silent.
Nino sighed and watched the condensation rise. Everything about the train ride was cold. "We're going to be friends again, okay?"
Subaru shrugged, and Nino decided that he would have to be satisfied with that. At least he was responding.
*
Nino logs in for another silent train ride. He sits between Yoko and Aiba on his bed and cheekily tells them to keep their hands where he can see them, which results in hands smeared across his face and poking into his sides. He rode in silence, swaying with each click-clack as he watched Subaru watch him, and Jun passes out the drinks he had to buy after he lost janken. It felt like they were at the beginning again, when Nino first noticed Subaru there. He couldn't say that he liked the feeling, but at least he was still special. Yoko peers over his shoulder and tells him that he's definitely never seen Subaru before, and Subaru smiled as if he heard.
Nino felt like his head is spinning.
*
The others catch on before long. Even when they're not logged in, all Nino can do is think about Subaru, about the little signs of progress he's made (again) in getting Subaru to open up, about the way he's pretty sure it's some deep kind of affection he's feeling, whether or not Subaru actually exists. And the more he thinks about it, the more it feels like Subaru does exist. But maybe that's just how his mind works; maybe believing that something is real is the easiest way to make it real.
He just wishes he had some way of knowing for sure.
"You should meet someone in real life," Hina says. Nino knows he means well, but when he has a lovely girl draped on his arm with whom he's going to make the most beautiful babies someday, Nino can't help but find it patronizing.
Nino huffs at the nabe in front of them and moves his chopsticks forward, slyly avoiding the shiitake. He smiles when he remembers that Subaru doesn't like shiitake eithe-- dammit. Nino frowns.
"Nino, eat your vegetables," Aiba says in a motherly tone, dropping some hakusai on his plate.
Nino sees Jun nod out of the corner of his eye, and he suddenly realizes that Hina's right. He'll figure it out, in real life. "I will," he says, addressing everyone and no one.
*
"Let's meet," Nino said. It was summer again, two years after the first summer they met, and a few days after the end of his starting term at Tokyo University. Nino could barely breathe with all of the sweat and determination in the air.
Subaru laughed. "What are you talking about? We meet every day!"
Nino pressed. "Let's meet."
Subaru looked at him, met his eyes and stared as if it were the day they'd first seen each other. Subaru's eyes glimmered, and he smiled the best smile Nino had ever seen. "I'll come find you."
*
Nino isn't sure what to expect. He also isn't sure when to expect it, or where, because he's almost positive that he's been imagining seeing Subaru wherever he goes, for months now. It has gotten unhealthy, hasn't it? Is he obsessed?
Nino shakes his head and ties his work apron around his waist, stopping short when he sees who's sitting at the counter. There in the flesh, in present tense.
He's not obsessed, and he finally knows it. Definitively, for real, he knows what it is.
"Subaru," Nino breathes. Subaru smiles up at him, and it's better than anything he'd ever seen on his computer screen.
There's his answer. He's in love.
From: ltgmars
Title: Crazy Little Thing Called
Pairing/Focus: Nino/Subaru, Yoko/Aiba, Jun; mentions of others
Rating: PG
Warnings: There's some tense switching that gets rather messy, but it's intentional.
Summary: It takes Nino a while to figure out which world he wants to live in.
Notes: Split MMORPG/teenage-era AU. greatfountain, I hope you like it. ♥ E, bb, you beta like a dream.
The land was flat. Dead. There was nothing to see for kilometers, in any direction, a wasteland of dirt and dust. Every once in a long while, someone would pass by and drop a seed. It would sit on the hard ground unmoving, unmoved, like a shattered dream that no one had the courage to have in the first place.
That was what it was like in the Plains, the area between east and west, split down the middle by rusted train tracks that looked in disrepair but everyone knew was in use.
Nino knew it, too. He knew of the land, and he knew of the train. It rolled by once a day, every day, to take the citizens to the Outskirts, where they could barter for crops on the black market when the government-supplied rations weren't enough (and they never were). The east side of the train cars were always packed, uncomfortably warm. The stench of stale sweat filled the air as the train moved along, the click-clack of the train on the track interrupted only by the helpless wails of hungry children.
Nino rarely got a seat on the train. He didn't mind, because it meant that he wouldn't be forced to stare out the window on the other side, watching the scrolling landscape of emptiness as they pressed forward. But that day he sat, because Aiba had forced him to go exploring a new part of East City and his legs were as dead as the land. Walking slowly was a nice recharge, but sitting was considerably more efficient.
In the Plains, and even in the World itself, efficiency mattered a great deal.
Nino had found a seat between an elderly gentleman and a young woman breastfeeding her newborn baby, right there on the train. Efficiency, Nino supposed. He felt sorry for the baby, sorry that he had to be born into the World when things were as bad as they were, sorry that there wasn't more he could do for the ones who were still innocent, who had no idea how hard life would be once they had grown up enough to recognize it.
Nino sighed and faced forward, startled to catch the eye of a boy about his age, with long, shaggy hair and pierced ears. The boy was sitting directly across from him... across from him, on the west side of the car. Was he from West City? How did he manage to get on the train? A dozen or more questions devoured Nino's thoughts as he stared at the boy and the boy stared back.
The train click-clacked along.
*
"Isn't that weird, though?" Nino asks, shutting his laptop. He pushes it to the far side of the bed and shuffles closer to the wall. "You've never seen anyone on that side of the train, have you?"
Aiba logs out of the World and sits his laptop next to Nino's. "I don't take the train as often as you do."
"Because you're too lazy to get food for yourself."
"It's so tedious," Aiba says, stretching. "Besides, there are always new places to explore in East City. We haven't even touched a fraction of the map, and there's still something new constructed every day."
Nino smirks. "I swear, if it weren't for me, you'd be dead. In this world and that one."
Aiba bumps his shoulder, hard, and Nino teeters into his pillow in a flurry of giggles.
*
They're seventeen. They're young, they're energetic (about their lethargy, at least), they're avoiding summer homework. Aiba's apparently fallen in love at first sight with a tall boy from the basketball team who has "the most luscious lips you've eve--" "Don't." And Nino's stuck taking care of him, because he was tricked into becoming the other boy's best friend as soon as they met in middle school.
"We should go explore West City," Aiba says casually as he waits for the World to load.
"You just want to see if that Yokoyama guy is there," Nino says evenly, logging into his own account. "Ahh, if only you weren't blinded by love long enough to remember that we can't get to West City."
"Hey, you don't know that. All we need to do is cross the tracks and walk around for a while. We'll find it!"
*
They waited until nightfall to creep across the tracks. Nino had no idea what it was they would see on the other side, but there must have been some reason why the Plains were uninhabited the way they were. Always devoid of movement, of life, except for the time in the morning when the citizens of East City filed onto the train, and the time in the afternoon when they came back, only slightly less hungry than they were before.
It was surprisingly cold at night. The wind blew at them from all sides, unobstructed as the Plains were, and Aiba was constantly shielding their eyes from the oncoming dust that blew up from the ground. Nino hoped that they would find something soon, because his health was dipping to unfavorable lows, and he hated how nice it felt to be huddled together with Aiba as they trekked forward.
Aiba's clumsiness was what saved them, when in the darkness he tripped and brought the both of them crashing down.
"Owowoww..." Nino whined, his arm caught under Aiba's side at an odd angle. "Get off, get off get off get off..."
"Sorry about that," Aiba said quietly. He tried to roll away, but he kept rolling back into Nino, who found himself wishing that Aiba would develop night vision so that he could see the look of utter malice Nino had on his face.
"Who's out there?" came a demanding voice, tremulous underneath.
Nino and Aiba turned on their knees, putting their hands up defensively.
A lantern flickered on, and Nino and Aiba were met with the face of a boy their age with gawky limbs and an awkward-looking frown on his face. "What are you doing out here, rolling around on my tent?"
Before Nino could think through a cautious response, Aiba said, "We're trying to get to West City."
The other boy narrowed his eyes at them, seeming to weigh his options. "So am I." His face broke out into a grin, and Nino found that awkward-looking as well, but endearingly so.
Nino smiled up at him. "Do you think you can take us in for a night? It's damn cold out here."
"Oh! Of course! Come on in."
*
Matsumoto Jun had been travelling for a while, but after weeks of walking, he'd given up and set up camp on the west side of the tracks.
"You run into a lot of interesting people out here," he explained as he poured blubbering hot water out from his kettle and into their teacups. "People who're looking for something, or someone, or trying to get to West City like we are."
Aiba brought the teacup to his lips and made a pained noise at the hot liquid. Nino ignored him and addressed Jun. "Have you heard anything that might be useful?"
Jun shook his head. "Nothing really. There was an old man a couple of weeks back who mentioned a boy on the train, but it didn't make a lot of sense."
Wait, what? Nino frowned. "A boy on the train?"
"Yeah," Jun said, nodding. He rotated his teacup slowly in his hands and looked off to the side in thought. "Some kind of legend, really. There's a boy who sits on the train on the west side of the car, alone. You can't touch him, and he doesn't respond if you try talking to him. But no one's actually seen him."
"Nino, didn't you say--"
Nino shot Aiba a threatening look before returning his attention to Jun. "So does anyone know who he is? What if he's just some quiet kid who wants to sit on the other side of the car?"
Jun pursed his lips, unconvinced. "That could be. Or he could be the key to unlocking West City."
Nino sipped at his tea. "Mm, delicious," he mumbled. It was just the right mix of sweetness and bitterness.
Jun smiled and put down his teacup. "I have to log off now, but you two are welcome to spend the night. I like having friends over." Jun flickered into a logoff notice before disappearing completely.
Nino smiled wryly, taking another sip of his tea. "We jumped from strangers to friends pretty quickly there, Jun-kun."
*
Nino doesn't expect to see a tall boy from the basketball team with luscious lips sitting on Aiba's bed when he gets to his room, but then, Aiba's the definition of unexpected. "You must be Yokoyama."
Yoko looks up at him with a carefully neutral expression on his face. "Are you Nino? Aiba's in the bathroom, but he said to be expecting a shrimp to arrive momentarily."
Nino looks at Yoko blankly, and Yoko snickers. He waits a few seconds before taking Aiba's desk chair and carrying it to the bathroom to jam the door shut.
*
When school starts up again, it's harder to find a chance to log into the World. But Nino, Aiba, and Yoko make time for it every afternoon, through the end of summer and deep into autumn, and deeper still into winter term. It's January in both worlds, and they're spending more and more time going in and staying in, bundled together on Aiba's (or Nino's or Yoko's) bed under a mess of fleece sweatshirts and wool blankets. Nino's an indoor creature, so it doesn't bother him to stay in once he's made it to Aiba's house after baseball practice, but Nino doesn't miss the way Aiba looks at the basketball in the corner of his room. And he'll admit to himself (but not to anyone else) that he does miss trying to choose which of the other two boys to harass when they're taking a break from the World and playing one-on-one at the park.
Nino also thinks that Yoko must either be incredibly oblivious or incredibly stupid not to be seeing the longing glances that Aiba has been giving him for months, but he's not such a terrible person that he's going to bring it up directly.
Directly, mind you.
"So how did you two meet again?" he says as if he doesn't know, walking his avatar onto the train platform. "You were flirting with Yoko and he followed you home, right?"
"I hate you, and no. We sat next to each other at a soba restaurant."
Nino knows that Aiba scoped out said soba restaurant like a stalker to see when Yoko would be there, but he keeps that gem to himself. "Was it good?"
"The soba?" Yoko asks.
"Yes, the soba, what else would I be talking about?"
Yoko nearly tears up as he remembers. "It was so good..."
Nino smirks when he catches Aiba watching Yoko, his avatar jogging endlessly into the corner of a room. Aiba looks up at him in and jerks in surprise when he realizes he's been caught, frowning when Nino's smirk grows into a giggly grin. "Just play."
*
The boy was always there, always on the west side of the car. Nino always ended up directly in front of him, whether he was sitting or standing, and they always spent the train ride into the Outskirts and back just watching each other. No one else seemed to notice the boy, and the boy seemed to have no interest in doing anything but looking at Nino as they swayed with the motion of the train.
Nino was actually happy for the cold. The babies who'd cried their way through summer and autumn were bundled up, curled up in their mothers' arms and sleeping the train ride away. The smell of sweat had been replaced by a cold nothingness, and Nino had nothing but the click-clacking of the train tracks to distract him from his thoughts.
*
Nino looked up to see the other boy there, again, on the west side of the car. He seemed closer that day, or more accessible somehow. Maybe Nino had gotten used to watching him, had gotten used to being watched by him, but whatever it was, it made him feel good. He wanted to know more about the other boy, wanted to see if what Jun's elderly informant had said was true. The other boy could be the key to unlocking West City.
Nino planted his feet on the train floor, looking at the tattered laces as he took a deep breath. Ready for the next step, he looked again at the other boy and held up a hand in greeting. "Hey."
Nino wakes up suddenly. When his eyes adjust, he sees Aiba's ceiling, covered in glow-in-the-dark stars. He turns to his right and sees Aiba curled in toward Yoko, and he wishes for a fleeting moment that the room weren't so cold.
*
Senior year starts with a bang in the form of a stern warning from Nino's mother. Nino is apparently supposed to figure out what to do with his life and to concentrate on studying and baseball and maybe a part-time job so that when entrance exam time comes, he'll have spent his energy in all the right ways and he'll be able to focus on doing well.
What this translates to, of course, is some quality time not on the computer. He drops by Yoko's house to tell Aiba and Yoko one afternoon, and he's a little touched to see in their eyes if not in their taunting voices that he'll really, truly be missed.
Of course, Nino finds a way to get around his mother's instructions, in part. He doesn't log into the World anymore, but at least he still gets to see the other two after he's finished on the days when he works at Aiba's family restaurant. Aiba's mom gives him leftovers, too, and because he loves her like his own mother, he always tries to eat as much as he can in front of her before his stomach explodes from the strain.
Nino's shift that night ends on a good note, though his stomach on a bad one, and he wobbles his way up to Aiba's room to crash for a while before he has to head home. Yoko and Aiba are sitting up on the bed against the wall, pressed together shoulder-to-knee even though there's plenty of room to allow for space between them.
Wordlessly, Nino lies down across their knees, and they lift their laptops up to let Nino roll over into their laps. They place their laptops across Nino's back and butt, and Nino snarls when Yoko scrunches his hand in Nino's hair like he's their dog. But this is the only time he gets to spend with the other two, at least until baseball season and entrance exams are over, so he takes what he can get.
"How's the World these days?" Nino asks, sighing contentedly when Yoko's scrunching turns into a kind of gentle stroking.
"Same as always," Aiba says dismissively, "though the weather in the Plains has been really terrible since you stopped logging in."
"Hmm, really?"
"That MatsuJun guy says it either has to do with Shibutani or Takizawa," Yoko adds.
"Oh, you visit Jun-kun now?" Last Nino knew of it, Yoko was still wandering around West City, just as he'd originally guessed.
"Well, no. I'm not even sure that I can access him if he's in that area of the Plains. But that's what Aiba tells me."
Aiba tickles the back of Nino's knee and Nino squirms, bobbing the laptops up and down as he giggles. "MatsuJun says that Yoko's experience and our experience are mirror images of each other. When you get on the train, there's a boy named Shibutani Subaru who sits on the west side of the car, but he's the only person on that side. When Yoko gets on the train, it's the same thing -- everyone's packed into the west side, and only a boy by the name of Takizawa Hideaki is on the east side."
"Though that's a rumor," Yoko says. "I've never seen Takizawa myself, and no one really believes that they actually exist."
Nino turns his head to the side and pretends to bite at Yoko's fingers. "I've told you guys plenty of times that I see... what's his name? Shibutani Subaru? I see him when I get on the train."
Yoko pinches the bridge of Nino's nose and moves Nino's head back and forth. "You're the only one, Nino-chan."
Nino scowls and raises his upper body suddenly, dislodging Yoko's laptop with a vengeance.
"Hey!"
*
The weather really had gotten awful. Nino had never seen the Plains as dreary as they were, cold and grey and wet and filled with a sense of gloom almost as endless as the Plains themselves. He crept along, knowing he wasn't supposed to be there, but he had things he wanted to see for himself.
He took a seat on the train and waited for it to fill up. The rest of the passengers were sopping wet, too tired to bring umbrellas to brave the storm or too poor to buy them. Being fed was necessary, but being dry was a commodity that most of the people on that godforsaken train could scarcely afford. Those who did not come into the World born into power were born into hell, and it was all they could do to make better lives for themselves, one meal at a time.
Subaru looked as surprised as Nino felt when he looked up and their eyes met. I'm just here for a little while, Nino mouthed. Subaru didn't say anything, but his look of alarm dissipated into the comfortable neutral look that Nino was used to.
Nino turned to the little girl on his left. "Say, why is it that no one sits on the other side of the train car?" he asked. If she could see Subaru, this would be when she would say so.
The little girl kicked her feet and looked around the train, disinterested. "I don't know~"
Nino thought as much. "I guess you don't."
He turned back to Subaru. Gathering up courage, he looked Subaru in the eye and said out loud, "Am I special?" The other people around him didn't seem to hear him.
Subaru stayed still for a long moment before he opened his mouth and said, "Yes."
Nino's computer screen goes black.
*
Jun shows up one day as a new waiter at Aiba's family restaurant, and Nino can't help but marvel at how tiny Japan actually is.
"How's baseball going?" Jun asks during the lull before dinner.
"It's going," Nino says blandly, spinning a set of chopsticks between his fingers. How much did Aiba tell this guy? "Regionals are coming up."
"I know. I'm a catcher."
Nino perks up. "Yeah? We'll be kicking your team's ass soon, then."
Jun grins. "Not if I can help it."
While they're taking a break during the dinner shift, Nino drags Jun upstairs, hoping to surprise Aiba and Yoko with the new appearance of their old friend.
"I'm sure Aiba-kun's told you everything about his super epic undying love for Yoko," Nino whispers.
"Yoko?" Jun sounds lost, and for some reason, it makes Nino really happy that Jun doesn't know.
"Never mind. You'll meet him in a second." Nino turns the doorknob slowly and peeks his head in to find Yoko on top of Aiba on the bed. His long fingers are splayed across Aiba's waist as he dips his head into the side of Aiba's neck, sucking on the skin there. Aiba's making breathless noises that Nino's never heard before, and he whines and turns his head and lets Yoko crush their lips together with a muffled groan.
Nino closes the door and smirks at Jun, who's standing in the hallway, stunned. "We'll come by again later."
*
"Are you upset?" Aiba asks over the phone a few days later.
"Of course not," and Nino means it. "It took you guys long enough." He puts the cap back on his highlighter and tosses it on top of his calculus notes.
"Sorry we didn't tell you sooner." He sounds so earnest, and Nino thinks again that he lucked out, having Aiba as a best friend. Well, one of his best friends.
"How long have you been together?" Nino asks, curious.
"A few weeks, maybe? Yoko sat me down one day and had this really weird bout of honesty where he told me he's really glad that he's been able to spend so much time with me, and I told him that I've always known I'm the person who can make him happies-- hey, stop that! I know you aren't actually throwing up!"
*
No one knew that he was doing what he was doing. Aiba and Yoko never came onto the train, and Jun was enjoying his life in his tent, so it was just Nino and his secrets every day, slinking into his seat and spending time with Subaru. Nino had figured out that no one saw him interact with Subaru, and as soon as Subaru realized how much Nino knew, he began to open up. Bit by bit, Subaru responded, pushing out of his engrained shyness as they talked about any number of topics. Nino told him about school, baseball, his job, Aiba and Yoko and Jun and his sister and his mom and his dog, the funny comedian sketch he saw on television, the lame comedian sketch he saw on television, his favorite foods, popular music... anything he could think of, just to talk. Talking to Subaru was comforting, because Nino understood how he was feeling. He still remembered his life before meeting Aiba; he knew what it was like not to have anyone to talk to.
Subaru listened and talked, and talked and listened. He laughed at Nino's bad jokes and asked for details about the things that interested him and made random, nonsensical comments. Nino found that those few hours on the train every day had become an outlet of sorts, his chance to release his stress from school and life, because he knew that Subaru would be there for him -- just him -- to listen.
But what was most spectacular about their friendship was that it made the Plains feel warm. For Nino, the World that had been so bleak for so long had begun to transform into something that could possibly be characterized as...
"It's been so sunny lately," Aiba says, tipping his laptop to the side to show Nino his view of the Plains. Nino blinks, realizing where he is. He nods indulgently before returning to his thoughts.
... nice.
*
"So we played kibasen in PE today," Nino said as soon as he took his seat.
Subaru chuckled. "How long has it been since I've played kibasen?" he wondered aloud.
"Oh, you've played before?" Nino was surprised. He was also surprised that he was surprised, but it might have been the first time that Subaru asserted his own experience in their conversations.
"Of course I have," Subaru said crossly. "This tall, perfect, manly body would have gone to waste otherwise."
Nino tipped his head back and laughed. Subaru was a strange one.
*
Subaru was fun to think about. Nino caught himself thinking about him more and more as the days progressed, and as the weeks rolled by on his calendar.
Nino blinks. Roll by on his calendar. He squints at the clock on his wall and turns to the sleepy dogpile that Aiba, Yoko, and Jun have created on his bed.
"Hey, you punks, I'm kicking you out."
Yoko nuzzles into Jun's side and gives Nino the finger.
"I'm a serious student, you know. I have to get a good night's rest so that I can be up early to study tomorrow."
Nino hears a chorus of three sleepy variations on the theme "liar", and he laughs despite himself.
"Just leave room for me, okay?" Nino closes his books and goes to turn off the lights. He looks toward the bed and in the moonlight streaming through his blinds, he sees his three best friends, wiggling around, leaving about four millimeters of space for Nino to squeeze into. "I guess that works."
He takes a running start and jumps on top of them, and the bed quakes with yelps and laughter and a couple of failed chokeholds, four boys trying to get rid of their giddy energy again so that they can go back to being exhausted.
Smooshed somewhere between Yoko and Jun, arms reaching across to keep Aiba from falling off the bed, Nino groggily wonders if there would be room for a fifth.
*
Was Nino falling for Subaru? He crossed his arms over his chest and watched his feet walk across the floor of the train.
"Nino," Subaru greeted affectionately.
Nino looked up at the other boy. He wasn't worried about his little crush, per se. Nino had never been the type to assume that romantic relationships were only a boy-girl thing, and Yoko and Aiba were both boys who were doing just fine. His main concern, really, was that he still wasn't sure about Subaru. Not just to him, but to the World at large. Was he an actual player? Or maybe just a construction of the game? Why was it that Nino was the only one who could see him and talk to him, and what was he doing all alone on the other side of the train car? Did Subaru even have feelings to return, or was Nino just falling for a really lifelike data set?
"Hey, Subaru," Nino said quietly.
"What is it?" Subaru asked, concerned. He had learned how to decipher Nino's moods, too. Clever for a computer program.
Nino sighed and decided to let go of his cynicism for the time being. Subaru was nice to talk to, whatever he was. "I have to take my college entrance exams soon, so I won't be around much for a little while. Is that okay with you?" Would a game character even know what college entrance exams were? Would he miss him while he was gone?
Subaru nodded solemnly. "Of course," he said, as if he understood.
*
"It's gotten dreary again in the Plains," Jun reports. Nino isn't sure why they feel the need to tell him since to their knowledge he hasn't played for months, but he does like knowing. Maybe he's had an impact on Subaru's mood after all. Assuming Subaru is even the one who controls the weather like Jun and his informants think he is.
"It's been fluctuating a lot, hasn't it?" Yoko says, nodding.
"Does it matter?" Nino says, and he realizes it's an earnest question. Does it matter what Subaru's mood is at any given moment?
Jun tilts his head to the side, frowning at the screen. "Not really, but it is strange. It used to not change at all." He pauses to type something out and then picks his thought back up. "Maybe someone's getting closer to figuring out how the World works."
"Ooh." Aiba wiggles. "Maybe we'll be able to go between East City and West City soon." He snuggles into Yoko's side and Yoko smiles fondly at him, and Nino wants to pass out just so that he doesn't have to witness the cutesy couple at its worst.
Jun responds as if Aiba and Yoko aren't feeling frisky right next to him. "It's a really cleverly designed game, isn't it? Even though it's been around a while, there are layers that haven't been revealed yet. It's constantly evolving, like it's constantly reprogramming itself to fit what the people want."
"Almost like it's human," Nino says.
*
Nino wants to log in, wants to see how Subaru's doing. He starts up the World and gets as far as the login page, but then he stops, second guesses himself. It's no use talking to someone who doesn't actually exist.
Nino closes his laptop and turns back to his textbooks.
*
Nino and Jun run into Yoko while they're out shopping. Nino had been trying to find new jeans, and Jun had insisted that he come along to help. Jun had scrutinized all of Nino's choices, going so far as to try on one pair over his own jeans, but in due time, they'd found something that was a tasteful mix of fashionable and dirt cheap, and Nino had been ready to call it a day.
"Nino! MatsuJun!" Yoko calls. He waves them over and invites them to sit at his table in the shopping center food court. "Here, meet my friends."
"Oh, you have friends?"
Yoko gives him a hurt look as he continues, "This is Murakami and his girlfriend Toda." A boy with jagged teeth and a gorgeous girl dip their heads in greeting. "Erika-chan is too hot for him, but he has really beautiful eyes, so it's okay." They all laugh and Murakami smacks Yoko on the head, and Nino can tell that he likes them already.
Nino and Jun decide to join Yoko and his friends on the rest of their shopping trip. And somehow it results in an exhausting and terrifying fashion duel between Jun and Toda. Watching the two, Nino thinks idly about how Subaru's probably never had an experience like this before.
"This does not bode well for the future," Yoko mutters. "I didn't realize MatsuJun spent this much on clothes."
Nino barely hears him, because he's spotted a jacket that he's sure would look good on Subaru, and he realizes with a start that Subaru takes up much more of his thinking time -- in both worlds -- than is strictly necessary.
*
The moment Nino gets home, he logs into the World.
Subaru looked up at Nino, surprised and maybe even pleased to see him there, depending on whether or not he actually had emotions. "I thought you were studying for entrance exams."
Nino wanted to know. He wanted to find out, sooner rather than later, whether he was wasting his time thinking about a person who didn't actually exist. "Subaru," he breathed, leaning down to press their lips together. He felt Subaru struggle for a moment, shocked, before breathing out and returning the kiss. Nino's heart beat wildly in his chest. When he stood up straight again, Subaru gave him a giant grin and said, "There are better ways to tell me you like me."
Nino laughed. "So you're real, then?"
The glee on Subaru's face disappeared in an instant, and Nino's computer screen goes black.
*
Nino ignores both worlds and throws himself into studying for his upcoming exam. He knows he has no chance of getting into Tokyo University, but even studying for the impossible is better than having to face the possible -- the present, the actually happening.
As Nino expected, the exam is one of the hardest exams he's ever taken, and he stumbles out of the university in staggered steps, his legs and brain turned to jelly, his erasers nothing but nubs. How a single exam can do that to a person, he doesn't understand, but as soon as he steps foot off campus and looks into the street ahead of him, he realizes that he has to confront what he's been running away from for weeks.
Because Shibutani Subaru is standing right there in front of him.
And in the blink of an eye, he's gone.
*
Subaru wouldn't look at him. It was cold on the train, cold as death, and all Nino wanted was that bit of warmth he got when Subaru talked to him. But Subaru was refusing to give it to him, and Nino couldn't say that he blamed him.
"Subaru, I'm sorry. You came to my entrance exam, didn't you? You wanted me to do well."
Subaru furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head at the floor.
"At least talk to me. Look at me. I want to be your friend again." Nino knew he sounded desperate, his voice raspy in the cold air, but he also knew that he wanted to deal with his problem instead of letting it eat at him. He would have been happy letting the problem go away on its own, but Nino had kept seeing Subaru around -- at the batting center, on his way to Aiba's house, on the swing at the park next to his house. He hadn't expected Subaru to be the vindictive type who wouldn't let Nino forget his lack of faith in him, but maybe all it came down to was that Subaru was hurt. Maybe Subaru had feelings after all. Maybe he cared about Nino just as much as Nino cared about him.
Though if he did, he made no indication. He remained silent.
Nino sighed and watched the condensation rise. Everything about the train ride was cold. "We're going to be friends again, okay?"
Subaru shrugged, and Nino decided that he would have to be satisfied with that. At least he was responding.
*
Nino logs in for another silent train ride. He sits between Yoko and Aiba on his bed and cheekily tells them to keep their hands where he can see them, which results in hands smeared across his face and poking into his sides. He rode in silence, swaying with each click-clack as he watched Subaru watch him, and Jun passes out the drinks he had to buy after he lost janken. It felt like they were at the beginning again, when Nino first noticed Subaru there. He couldn't say that he liked the feeling, but at least he was still special. Yoko peers over his shoulder and tells him that he's definitely never seen Subaru before, and Subaru smiled as if he heard.
Nino felt like his head is spinning.
*
The others catch on before long. Even when they're not logged in, all Nino can do is think about Subaru, about the little signs of progress he's made (again) in getting Subaru to open up, about the way he's pretty sure it's some deep kind of affection he's feeling, whether or not Subaru actually exists. And the more he thinks about it, the more it feels like Subaru does exist. But maybe that's just how his mind works; maybe believing that something is real is the easiest way to make it real.
He just wishes he had some way of knowing for sure.
"You should meet someone in real life," Hina says. Nino knows he means well, but when he has a lovely girl draped on his arm with whom he's going to make the most beautiful babies someday, Nino can't help but find it patronizing.
Nino huffs at the nabe in front of them and moves his chopsticks forward, slyly avoiding the shiitake. He smiles when he remembers that Subaru doesn't like shiitake eithe-- dammit. Nino frowns.
"Nino, eat your vegetables," Aiba says in a motherly tone, dropping some hakusai on his plate.
Nino sees Jun nod out of the corner of his eye, and he suddenly realizes that Hina's right. He'll figure it out, in real life. "I will," he says, addressing everyone and no one.
*
"Let's meet," Nino said. It was summer again, two years after the first summer they met, and a few days after the end of his starting term at Tokyo University. Nino could barely breathe with all of the sweat and determination in the air.
Subaru laughed. "What are you talking about? We meet every day!"
Nino pressed. "Let's meet."
Subaru looked at him, met his eyes and stared as if it were the day they'd first seen each other. Subaru's eyes glimmered, and he smiled the best smile Nino had ever seen. "I'll come find you."
*
Nino isn't sure what to expect. He also isn't sure when to expect it, or where, because he's almost positive that he's been imagining seeing Subaru wherever he goes, for months now. It has gotten unhealthy, hasn't it? Is he obsessed?
Nino shakes his head and ties his work apron around his waist, stopping short when he sees who's sitting at the counter. There in the flesh, in present tense.
He's not obsessed, and he finally knows it. Definitively, for real, he knows what it is.
"Subaru," Nino breathes. Subaru smiles up at him, and it's better than anything he'd ever seen on his computer screen.
There's his answer. He's in love.