Dramione Drabble (?)

[ninjalemons]

Uh. Hi. First fanfic posted on lj.

I've been a dramione shipper for over a year right now and have been writing fics since last September, however, I did not deem them to be worthy of a coveted spot in the comms. -sheepish smile- 
Surprisingly, writing a drabble was not as difficult as I had envisioned it would be as I tend to ramble a lot in my

Comments

[fangirlyness]

I like it! You've set up a nice mood here. Your sentences flow and have a consistent rhythm. Is this going to be part of a longer story?

'Six times in the past hour' - That's a lot of wandering around without taking note of where you're going. 'Twice' would do the trick in that sentence, I think.

'Tepid coffee'. Intersting choice. Why tepid?

Also, try to avoid ending consecutive sentences with the same word (e.g. 'heart'). The reader's eye is naturally drawn to things like alliteration and repetition. It interrupts the flow of things.

Well done on your first foray into Dramione fanfic :)

[ninjalemons]

Thank you! :)

Yeah, I did overuse a few phrases as I rushed this drabble :P

I'm not sure if this is going to be part of a longer story as mentioned above, I do tend to ramble and veer off track while writing.

[herumtreiber]

Hermione's scent torments him, poor Draco.

This had a melancholic mood. Very nice.

[ninjalemons]

Thank you!

Yup, I was trying to give an impression that Draco's memories were being triggered by the scent of coffee. :D

[teenage_hustler]

Pretty good, especially for someone as new at this as you say you are. I think you'll find that you'll get even better at evoking thoughtful descriptions and the like as time goes on. And you're pretty good now anyway.

I can't guarantee that you'll stop rambling in your fics though, because I certainly haven't. :P

[ninjalemons]

Thanks for the encouragement! :)

While attempting to write a multi-chaptered length fics, I find myself mixing too many plotlines and details in :P.

Trying to write a drabble like this was quite challenging:P

[tawanks]

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