I agree with the fact that the ending is a bit of a surprise, but since you told me what was going to happen, I looked at it with that expectation throughout the whole story, so it didn't really shock me. Still, I may have to read it all over again, in its entirety, to really say whether serious editing needs to be done. Other than that, I say hells yes to getting it published! Did I not beg you on more than one occasion for "MOAR STORYTIMES!!!"? Yes, yes I did. And, yeah, I'm all for lesbian leads. I was actually telling Jim the other night that Disney needs to come out with a new movie or two with princesses who are sick of hanging around, waiting for Prince Charming, and take it upon themselves to start a kingdom of their own. Yes. That's all. Love, Amy
The strange behaviors that Dee exhibited, I picked up pretty easily from the start. As far as the other revelations from "Bob", those definitely came completely from left field--I think a member of the crowd leapt out and threw the ball, here. *LOL*
As I'd said in a previous comment.. I really think this whole story might fit well as a preliminary script to a movie, or something. It'd need some work to turn it into something appropriate for that, but it might work well.
As far as a published work goes.. I can't help but think of what an old english professor I knew always said to me: Detail, detail, detail. Maybe I wasn't picking up on some things here and there, but there were a number of sections where I felt like I should have some information to fully comprehend what I was seeing in my head, but didn't. I'd have to go back through and reread to pick out any particular points like that, but I know they were in there
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~K
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And, yeah, I'm all for lesbian leads. I was actually telling Jim the other night that Disney needs to come out with a new movie or two with princesses who are sick of hanging around, waiting for Prince Charming, and take it upon themselves to start a kingdom of their own. Yes.
That's all.
Love, Amy
Reply
As I'd said in a previous comment.. I really think this whole story might fit well as a preliminary script to a movie, or something. It'd need some work to turn it into something appropriate for that, but it might work well.
As far as a published work goes.. I can't help but think of what an old english professor I knew always said to me: Detail, detail, detail. Maybe I wasn't picking up on some things here and there, but there were a number of sections where I felt like I should have some information to fully comprehend what I was seeing in my head, but didn't. I'd have to go back through and reread to pick out any particular points like that, but I know they were in there ( ... )
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