Thought An Open Door Would Bring You In; Glee
Title: Thought An Open Door Would Bring You In
Pairings: Platonic Carole Hudson/Kurt, Finn/Kurt, Carole/OFC.
Genre: Humour, romance.
Summary: The way to a man’s heart is through his mother.
THOUGHT AN OPEN DOOR WOULD BRING YOU IN
They both reached for the last issue of Cosmo.
Hands brushed, bashful laughs were exchanged. One mindless comment about the cast of Gossip Girl, and Kurt knew.
It was meant to be.
They shared the magazine over a table in Starbucks. ‘Carole’ rolled off his tongue - a French name, like Chanel, or Lois Vuitton. With her frumpy 60’s hairstyle and affinity for denim, Kurt couldn’t help but fall for her; the forbidden loves were the most worth it, he told himself. And dark eyes were always his weak point.
When she offered him - a homemade- dinner their third day out, he didn’t stand a chance.
-
Hummel’s had always had skilled hands. His father had cars, his grandfather had construction, and Kurt - he had cooking. “Fettuccine alfredo,” he purred, and he draped Carole’s endearingly homely frilled apron over himself. He poked through cupboards for pots and bowls.
Carole insisted on making it herself, but he stuck Just Like Heaven on the television and convinced her otherwise. “It’s been years since I’ve had dinner made for me,” she commented absentmindedly, and Kurt stared down at her adoringly, like she was a tiny kitten in a pet-shop, or they were in a deleted scene from Fatal Attraction.
“I thought you had a son…?”
Her smile strained. “He’s not allowed near the kitchen anymore.”
Kurt made the table the way he would everyday if he and his father didn’t eat on the couch, silently watchingHow It’s Made; sometimes even Jerry Springer because Burt didn’t need to pretend he hated it in front of his own son. He redecorated a little of the kitchen, a makeshift tablecloth here and a scented candle there. Dimmed the lights. He heard the front door opening, and when he put the last knife down, Finn Hudson’s awed face was gaping at him from the doorway.
Minus the fact this was totally one of Kurt’s fantasies, cooking dinner for a loving husband and being close with the in-laws, he was still about half a second from bricking all over Carole’s new kitchen tiling. If friendship with Rachel Berry had taught him anything, it was that insanity was the least attractive feature a person could have, and here he was radiating ungodly amounts of it to the boy he loved.
So when Carole came in to investigate the girl’s squeal coming from the foyer, Finn had already turned tail and ran for his room.
-
At the moment, Kurt’s life was Greek tragedy. Vaguely incestuous, full-blown sexuality mindfucked and starring a beautiful god with a perfectly toned chest, courtesy of Finn Hudson. He’d always hoped for a sassy romcom, or maybe a new-age musical. He’d prefer anything without the depressing certainty of a ‘no-Finn-for-you’ ending, but at least he’d got one Hudson out of it. Finn would always be the main target in Kurt’s heart - and another particular region - but right now, priority one was Carole.
Sandy Olsson was one Girls Aloud mix and ride to the mall from wishing she’d had Kurt to do her makeover.
-
Kurt prepared the same he had for Rachel’s massacre of a make-over, before it became sabotage. He bought a folder, and set out a colour coded chart. Allowed fabric. Allowed make. Allowed hairstyles. Allowed combinations of hairstyles and clothes. Under crimson, Lingerie was written out if fluid, impeccable calligraphy.
Carole took a fit, but of course, Kurt prepared for everything.
-
“It’s a little,” she started, and she shifted the dress higher above her bust, lips pursed, “Tight. A lot, actually.”
Kurt smiled. “Perfect.”
He armed her with a beige clutch, a pair of dainty heels and layers of thick, perfected mascara, then sent her out into town with a pair of her cougar girlfriends, honking at them from the car. “Have fun,” Kurt told her, winking. He pushed her out the front door. “And I want details.”
Carole went white.
-
Kurt got a message at four in the morning:
I found my Maria.
By the time he understood, his alarm was already going.
-
Finn sat next to him in glee, looking a lot less weary than he had in a long time. He fumbled with his hands for a while, his belt buckle, and Kurt’s heart very nearly stopped when he shot him a bashful smile. “Since you started coming over, my mom’s been real happy,” he told Kurt quietly. “Just, you know, wanted to say thanks.”
It was obvious Finn had no idea Kurt had pimped his mom out, so Kurt did nothing but smile in reply and sit with his pulse racing the rest of rehearsal.
-
He should have known. Kurt prided himself in a terrifically working gaydar - but apparently, Hudson’s were immune to it’s power and always ended up baffling him. Finn was plainly straight, but Kurt took his love of Dirty Dancing to extend further than Jennifer Grey’s sex scene. Carole appeared plainly straight. Really, she did.
It was then, over breakfast, she introduced him to her lovely girlfriend. “Noelle,” Carole said half breathlessly, positively elated. Noelle shot him a smile and, for the first time, he had a vision of living a heterosexual life.
“I didn’t know you were,” Kurt started when Noelle had gone to the bathroom, finding the end of his sentence unwilling to come out. “I had no idea, actually.”
Carole shrugged mindlessly while she fixed his collar, and he figured it wasn’t really a big deal.
-
Until the next day at school.
“I think,” Finn was whispering conspiratorially to Matt, checking the locker room before he continued, “My mom’s having an affair.”
Kurt paused in the shower.
“An affair?” Mike echoed.
“Yeah.” He heard Finn clear his throat and shift a little. “With, uh. With Kurt.”
Mike burst out laughing and Kurt banged his head off the stall as quietly as he could.
-
“You need to tell him,” Kurt repeated for the hundredth time.
Carole just sat biting her lip, saying nothing.
-
Finn came to glee in a daze afterwards. He perched on the seat next to Mercedes, and said nothing the whole rehearsal. While they were packing up, he slung his bag over his shoulder and walked with Kurt.
“You know,” he muttered, “What you did for my mom, and all. It’s a really big deal.”
Kurt tried not to look a moment from passing out, and nodded, tight-lipped.
“She’s really happy.” He stopped and put a hand on Kurt’s shoulder. “I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks a lot.”
He grinned, bright, and Kurt’s face was luminously crimson the rest of the day.
-
There was a short period in Kurt and Carole’s historical friendship where she would not take calls, answer them, answer texts, or drop by unannounced with a cake, or a plate of still warm cookies. Kurt drove to her house, almost angry, and banged on the door.
Finn answered in his pyjama bottoms, scratching his head, tired. Kurt opened his mouth once, then turned around and ran back to his car.
“Hey, wait!” And Kurt did, despite himself, refusing to turn his head back. “I need to talk to you,” Finn called on him, and Kurt took a breath before he marched back to the house, avoiding eye contact and fumbling with his lapels.
Finn closed the door after he was inside, ushering him into the living room. “She kind of just - disappeared. Well, she left a note somewhere, but it didn’t say much, just that she’d be home soon and there was enough food and stuff.” Finn sat beside him - Kurt’s stomach lurched - and turned to him, curiously. “Do you know anything?”
For a moment, Kurt’s whole body froze stiff and the strangest memory crept up on him. For my wedding? Carole was saying. I eloped. Hawaii. It was beautiful there.
“Uh.” He tried for a moment to look like he was deep in thought, before saying, “I don’t think so, no. She really didn’t say anything. I left the iron on. I have to go. Bye Finn.”
He stopped on the way home to mourn his pathetic performance, and when Finn called him, he reluctantly ignored it.
-
“She called,” Finn told him later, and Kurt put his day long attempt at having to communication with him on hold. “She says she’ll be back tomorrow, and she’s got a surprise.”
“Really.”
“Want to drive to the airport with me?”
Kurt didn’t have a chance at saying no. He looked up at Finn, wide-eyed, and nodded instead of saying a thousand times, yes.
-
So Kurt had been wrong about the eloping idea. The fact they’d been dating the whole of one month had failed to register with him in the panic of missing his friend - and hopefully, future mother-in-law.
“It’s was my grandma in Canada. She was sick, so mom had to leave quick,” Finn told him from the driver’s seat. “I think she just didn’t want to tell me in case I got upset.” Kurt nodded, blankly, and Finn raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you okay?”
Kurt forced a smile at him and said, “Yes.”
-
Carole’s surprise for Finn was a Toblerone half the height of Kurt. Her surprise for Kurt was a tall student with bleached, slicked back hair and thick glasses, who’s smile alone made Kurt’s heart beat impossibly fast.
“Andrew,” he introduced himself. Kurt’s face burned.
“I’m - ”
But before he finished Finn had taken his hand and said a short, “We’re leaving now,” in Andrew’s direction. He didn’t say anything at all on the way to meet Carole at the car and he didn’t let go of Kurt’s hand, either.
-
She fell asleep on the way home.
“Finn?” Kurt asked carefully, staring out the window.
He made a small noise in response.
“What was that about earlier?”
Finn started swaying the car’s direction abruptly, but Kurt held onto the wheel to keep it still, looking hard into his face. Finn glanced at him, then quickly back at the road. “I dunno. He looked shady, don’t you think,” he muttered, cheeks tinted pink. “She shouldn’t just have sprung some guy up on you like that.”
“What if she’d sprung some girl up on you?”
Finn’s mouth thinned into a frown. “Now’s not really a good time,” he murmured to himself, but Kurt heard it anyway.
-
“Thanks for coming,” Finn told him when they’d stopped outside his house. He smiled, a little awkwardly, and in some crashing wave of idiocy, Kurt went for it.
He kissed Finn, then he slammed the car door shut and ran as fast as he could to his house.
-
Finn sent him a message an hour later.
I think girls might be my problem.
It was no declaration of love or anything, but you know, it was a good start.
-
“You need to tell him,” Carole said to him wisely.
Kurt watched her kiss Noelle goodnight and figured it wouldn’t be the most terrible thing to try.
-
Finn got there first, though.
“Kurt,” he took a deep breath, “You’re awesome. I think I really…” He cleared his throat, moved a little closer and Kurt tried to look serious, but the smile kept wandering back onto his face. “I think I really like you. I know I do.”
There was a moment of inward celebration, confetti, and self-congratulations before Kurt almost broke his own porch by pushed Finn down on it and kissing him hard.
-
“So, wait,” Mercedes said, looking incredulous and batting a hand in the air, “You’re saying you turned the whole family gay?”
Kurt blinked.
“Weren’t you sitting next to Santana in English before she started dating Brittany?” Artie interjected, fumblingly pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.
“J-J-J-Jesus,” Tina breathed.
Kurt paused, before shrugging and giving Finn a sultry wave from their table, watching Finn excuse himself to the bathroom and deciding he had the best superpower ever.
Pairings: Platonic Carole Hudson/Kurt, Finn/Kurt, Carole/OFC.
Genre: Humour, romance.
Summary: The way to a man’s heart is through his mother.
THOUGHT AN OPEN DOOR WOULD BRING YOU IN
They both reached for the last issue of Cosmo.
Hands brushed, bashful laughs were exchanged. One mindless comment about the cast of Gossip Girl, and Kurt knew.
It was meant to be.
They shared the magazine over a table in Starbucks. ‘Carole’ rolled off his tongue - a French name, like Chanel, or Lois Vuitton. With her frumpy 60’s hairstyle and affinity for denim, Kurt couldn’t help but fall for her; the forbidden loves were the most worth it, he told himself. And dark eyes were always his weak point.
When she offered him - a homemade- dinner their third day out, he didn’t stand a chance.
-
Hummel’s had always had skilled hands. His father had cars, his grandfather had construction, and Kurt - he had cooking. “Fettuccine alfredo,” he purred, and he draped Carole’s endearingly homely frilled apron over himself. He poked through cupboards for pots and bowls.
Carole insisted on making it herself, but he stuck Just Like Heaven on the television and convinced her otherwise. “It’s been years since I’ve had dinner made for me,” she commented absentmindedly, and Kurt stared down at her adoringly, like she was a tiny kitten in a pet-shop, or they were in a deleted scene from Fatal Attraction.
“I thought you had a son…?”
Her smile strained. “He’s not allowed near the kitchen anymore.”
Kurt made the table the way he would everyday if he and his father didn’t eat on the couch, silently watchingHow It’s Made; sometimes even Jerry Springer because Burt didn’t need to pretend he hated it in front of his own son. He redecorated a little of the kitchen, a makeshift tablecloth here and a scented candle there. Dimmed the lights. He heard the front door opening, and when he put the last knife down, Finn Hudson’s awed face was gaping at him from the doorway.
Minus the fact this was totally one of Kurt’s fantasies, cooking dinner for a loving husband and being close with the in-laws, he was still about half a second from bricking all over Carole’s new kitchen tiling. If friendship with Rachel Berry had taught him anything, it was that insanity was the least attractive feature a person could have, and here he was radiating ungodly amounts of it to the boy he loved.
So when Carole came in to investigate the girl’s squeal coming from the foyer, Finn had already turned tail and ran for his room.
-
At the moment, Kurt’s life was Greek tragedy. Vaguely incestuous, full-blown sexuality mindfucked and starring a beautiful god with a perfectly toned chest, courtesy of Finn Hudson. He’d always hoped for a sassy romcom, or maybe a new-age musical. He’d prefer anything without the depressing certainty of a ‘no-Finn-for-you’ ending, but at least he’d got one Hudson out of it. Finn would always be the main target in Kurt’s heart - and another particular region - but right now, priority one was Carole.
Sandy Olsson was one Girls Aloud mix and ride to the mall from wishing she’d had Kurt to do her makeover.
-
Kurt prepared the same he had for Rachel’s massacre of a make-over, before it became sabotage. He bought a folder, and set out a colour coded chart. Allowed fabric. Allowed make. Allowed hairstyles. Allowed combinations of hairstyles and clothes. Under crimson, Lingerie was written out if fluid, impeccable calligraphy.
Carole took a fit, but of course, Kurt prepared for everything.
-
“It’s a little,” she started, and she shifted the dress higher above her bust, lips pursed, “Tight. A lot, actually.”
Kurt smiled. “Perfect.”
He armed her with a beige clutch, a pair of dainty heels and layers of thick, perfected mascara, then sent her out into town with a pair of her cougar girlfriends, honking at them from the car. “Have fun,” Kurt told her, winking. He pushed her out the front door. “And I want details.”
Carole went white.
-
Kurt got a message at four in the morning:
I found my Maria.
By the time he understood, his alarm was already going.
-
Finn sat next to him in glee, looking a lot less weary than he had in a long time. He fumbled with his hands for a while, his belt buckle, and Kurt’s heart very nearly stopped when he shot him a bashful smile. “Since you started coming over, my mom’s been real happy,” he told Kurt quietly. “Just, you know, wanted to say thanks.”
It was obvious Finn had no idea Kurt had pimped his mom out, so Kurt did nothing but smile in reply and sit with his pulse racing the rest of rehearsal.
-
He should have known. Kurt prided himself in a terrifically working gaydar - but apparently, Hudson’s were immune to it’s power and always ended up baffling him. Finn was plainly straight, but Kurt took his love of Dirty Dancing to extend further than Jennifer Grey’s sex scene. Carole appeared plainly straight. Really, she did.
It was then, over breakfast, she introduced him to her lovely girlfriend. “Noelle,” Carole said half breathlessly, positively elated. Noelle shot him a smile and, for the first time, he had a vision of living a heterosexual life.
“I didn’t know you were,” Kurt started when Noelle had gone to the bathroom, finding the end of his sentence unwilling to come out. “I had no idea, actually.”
Carole shrugged mindlessly while she fixed his collar, and he figured it wasn’t really a big deal.
-
Until the next day at school.
“I think,” Finn was whispering conspiratorially to Matt, checking the locker room before he continued, “My mom’s having an affair.”
Kurt paused in the shower.
“An affair?” Mike echoed.
“Yeah.” He heard Finn clear his throat and shift a little. “With, uh. With Kurt.”
Mike burst out laughing and Kurt banged his head off the stall as quietly as he could.
-
“You need to tell him,” Kurt repeated for the hundredth time.
Carole just sat biting her lip, saying nothing.
-
Finn came to glee in a daze afterwards. He perched on the seat next to Mercedes, and said nothing the whole rehearsal. While they were packing up, he slung his bag over his shoulder and walked with Kurt.
“You know,” he muttered, “What you did for my mom, and all. It’s a really big deal.”
Kurt tried not to look a moment from passing out, and nodded, tight-lipped.
“She’s really happy.” He stopped and put a hand on Kurt’s shoulder. “I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks a lot.”
He grinned, bright, and Kurt’s face was luminously crimson the rest of the day.
-
There was a short period in Kurt and Carole’s historical friendship where she would not take calls, answer them, answer texts, or drop by unannounced with a cake, or a plate of still warm cookies. Kurt drove to her house, almost angry, and banged on the door.
Finn answered in his pyjama bottoms, scratching his head, tired. Kurt opened his mouth once, then turned around and ran back to his car.
“Hey, wait!” And Kurt did, despite himself, refusing to turn his head back. “I need to talk to you,” Finn called on him, and Kurt took a breath before he marched back to the house, avoiding eye contact and fumbling with his lapels.
Finn closed the door after he was inside, ushering him into the living room. “She kind of just - disappeared. Well, she left a note somewhere, but it didn’t say much, just that she’d be home soon and there was enough food and stuff.” Finn sat beside him - Kurt’s stomach lurched - and turned to him, curiously. “Do you know anything?”
For a moment, Kurt’s whole body froze stiff and the strangest memory crept up on him. For my wedding? Carole was saying. I eloped. Hawaii. It was beautiful there.
“Uh.” He tried for a moment to look like he was deep in thought, before saying, “I don’t think so, no. She really didn’t say anything. I left the iron on. I have to go. Bye Finn.”
He stopped on the way home to mourn his pathetic performance, and when Finn called him, he reluctantly ignored it.
-
“She called,” Finn told him later, and Kurt put his day long attempt at having to communication with him on hold. “She says she’ll be back tomorrow, and she’s got a surprise.”
“Really.”
“Want to drive to the airport with me?”
Kurt didn’t have a chance at saying no. He looked up at Finn, wide-eyed, and nodded instead of saying a thousand times, yes.
-
So Kurt had been wrong about the eloping idea. The fact they’d been dating the whole of one month had failed to register with him in the panic of missing his friend - and hopefully, future mother-in-law.
“It’s was my grandma in Canada. She was sick, so mom had to leave quick,” Finn told him from the driver’s seat. “I think she just didn’t want to tell me in case I got upset.” Kurt nodded, blankly, and Finn raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you okay?”
Kurt forced a smile at him and said, “Yes.”
-
Carole’s surprise for Finn was a Toblerone half the height of Kurt. Her surprise for Kurt was a tall student with bleached, slicked back hair and thick glasses, who’s smile alone made Kurt’s heart beat impossibly fast.
“Andrew,” he introduced himself. Kurt’s face burned.
“I’m - ”
But before he finished Finn had taken his hand and said a short, “We’re leaving now,” in Andrew’s direction. He didn’t say anything at all on the way to meet Carole at the car and he didn’t let go of Kurt’s hand, either.
-
She fell asleep on the way home.
“Finn?” Kurt asked carefully, staring out the window.
He made a small noise in response.
“What was that about earlier?”
Finn started swaying the car’s direction abruptly, but Kurt held onto the wheel to keep it still, looking hard into his face. Finn glanced at him, then quickly back at the road. “I dunno. He looked shady, don’t you think,” he muttered, cheeks tinted pink. “She shouldn’t just have sprung some guy up on you like that.”
“What if she’d sprung some girl up on you?”
Finn’s mouth thinned into a frown. “Now’s not really a good time,” he murmured to himself, but Kurt heard it anyway.
-
“Thanks for coming,” Finn told him when they’d stopped outside his house. He smiled, a little awkwardly, and in some crashing wave of idiocy, Kurt went for it.
He kissed Finn, then he slammed the car door shut and ran as fast as he could to his house.
-
Finn sent him a message an hour later.
I think girls might be my problem.
It was no declaration of love or anything, but you know, it was a good start.
-
“You need to tell him,” Carole said to him wisely.
Kurt watched her kiss Noelle goodnight and figured it wouldn’t be the most terrible thing to try.
-
Finn got there first, though.
“Kurt,” he took a deep breath, “You’re awesome. I think I really…” He cleared his throat, moved a little closer and Kurt tried to look serious, but the smile kept wandering back onto his face. “I think I really like you. I know I do.”
There was a moment of inward celebration, confetti, and self-congratulations before Kurt almost broke his own porch by pushed Finn down on it and kissing him hard.
-
“So, wait,” Mercedes said, looking incredulous and batting a hand in the air, “You’re saying you turned the whole family gay?”
Kurt blinked.
“Weren’t you sitting next to Santana in English before she started dating Brittany?” Artie interjected, fumblingly pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.
“J-J-J-Jesus,” Tina breathed.
Kurt paused, before shrugging and giving Finn a sultry wave from their table, watching Finn excuse himself to the bathroom and deciding he had the best superpower ever.