A MIRROR WARRIOR (oneshot)
Title: A MIRROR WARRIOR
Author:nimlothemeli
Pairing: Akame (Akanishi Jin/Kamenashi Kazuya)
Genre: Angst, sci fi, romance, AU
Rating: R
Disclaimer: It’s just fiction, you guys know the drill
Word count: ~2600
Warnings: Character death
Summary: The cold veil between worlds lay beneath his hand - the mirror of destiny. Kazuya was about to enter the 47th mirror, the one that held the secrets of his past and death, the one where he would meet Jin again.
Notes: I have never said stuff like this before, but if you want this story to really take life I recommend that you listen to “Bibo no Aozora” by Ryuichi Sakamoto.
”What’s today’s mission?”
”Ehrm…”
”Spit it out Junno, what is it?”
Kazuya would never admit to it but the sight of Junno being nervous like that made his lungs hurt like he was fighting for air. There was nothing more useless than being scared and he hadn’t been scared for years and years, but this was probably as close as he could come to it. He hated it.
“It seems like you’ve got number 47” Junno almost whispered as he walked by Kazuya’s side along the haunting corridor filled with mirrors, “I’ve been suspecting it to come up soon.”
The other didn’t need to say anything else, they both knew what awaited Kazuya at the other side of that tainted glass pane. The 47th mirror, his haunted past.
“Will you be okay in there?” was Junno’s last words before Kazuya put his palm up against the cool surface of his destiny.
How long had they all been doing this? How many years were they going to spend doing this? It was all their destinies, it was the right thing to do, but Kazuya found himself trembling at the edge of this metaphorical cliff - at the edge of this world and the other.
“I will come back, dead or alive.”
Even though his voice was firm and resolved he couldn’t help but to doubt. Would he be able to keep that promise?
“What is it that you guys do exactly?”
“We kill murderers.”
“All kinds of murderers?”
“No, only the ones killing the innocent.”
“So you could kill me?”
“We could, yes. If we got a reason to.”
Cold. It was so cold that his whole body shook and jolted uncontrollably, teeth clattering and gritting. The passage through the mirror had been scolding hot and the contrast between being melted into the glass and being thrown back to reality was always painful and shocking, no one got used to that kind of torture.
It had been their policy for as long as they could remember. No one should have to kill their own murderer, but this rule didn’t apply on Kazuya. The only reason he was amongst them was that he himself had found the way there somehow.
After months of endless idling about he got tired of watching the people he had got to know without being able to help, so he had talked Koki into teaching him. Kazuya was endlessly happy that he had done so, that he had started doing this important work because it gave him pleasure to know that he still could make a difference.
Death was far too scary to face, even though he always came terrifyingly close to it each time he went on a mission he had not learned how to come to peace with it. Tatsuya used to tease him for being a scared little hare and although he was no scared little hare anymore he still trembled at the thought of taking his last breath - because he had already done so once before.
Kazuya snapped out of his daydreams, tried to focus his thoughts and take in his surroundings. It was nigh time but the yellow streetlights did their best to keep the darkness at bay, sending crooked shadows over every surface of the grey streets. The mirror always found the perfect places for them to emerge. No one would ever notice him here.
The city hadn’t changed that much in ten years. Some houses were torn down and some roads had been moved entire blocks away, but over there he could see the old ramen shop and at the next corner still lay the book store they used to visit.
The bookstore they used to visit together…
Five minutes later he was at the front door of hell, his old home. Ringing the bell was harder than he had imagined it to be, it was even harder to hide the sorrow he knew could be seen in his eyes, but his struggles was cut short by the opening door.
At the other side of the invisible border between then and now stood the most beautiful man he had ever laid his eyes upon. Time had taken its toll, small wrinkles visible at the corner of his eyes, his jaw sharper and skin a bit rougher. But it was still Jin, the man that he loved more than his own life, the man that had always shone brighter than any star in the night sky. To see Jin like this again, when he himself was forever cast in marble, never growing old, was utter bliss and unbearably painful at the same time. There lay years and years between them now.
“Y-you can’t be-“
“I am.”
“No…”
“Did you think that I would never come back for you?”
Jin just stared at him disbelievingly. Kazuya remembered that the other had never been good at believing simple truth; always seeking the lie beyond.
“Will you let me in or should I reveal my business here in the hallway?”
His question seemed to snap Jin right out of his shock and the other opened the door further so that Kazuya could slip inside.
“How do I do it? How do I kill them?”
“You have to want to take their lives, and then you just touch them.”
“That simple?”
“No Kazuya, that HARD”
“The place looks just like I remember it. I’d thought that you’d trashed it by now.”
“Your mom comes and takes care of it now and then,” Jin confessed shyly.
The image of his mother coming here to clean the house now occupied by his murderer made his stomach churn, no matter how much he had loved said killer.
“Well, that’s nice I guess.”
“No, it’s really not… if I had more energy Kazuya… if I could muster up enough courage I’d moved long ago.”
Kazuya didn't dare to look at Jin because he knew he would see what he feared almost as much as death, he knew he would see the hopelessness shine through those brown orbs. So instead he acted, moving closer to the windows and left the security of the shadows by the doorway.
“How old are they now?” he asked looking out at the yard beneath the window.
“They’re both in junior high” Ji answered immediately, like he could read Kazuya's mind and knew exactly what he was thinking of. He really had been thinking of the neighbor children he always played with on weekends, so small and innocent then, now teenagers and maybe not that innocent anymore.
“Does anyone know?”
“No, but I think some people suspect. It’s always the spouse that’s the number one suspect, right?”
“But you’re still a free man.”
“You left the letter to your mother, remember?”
Jin’s voice was soft and steady now so Kazuya could face him without risking being drawn in by his frailty. Slowly walking away from the window, looking his lost love straight in his eyes, taking in every part of him and storing the images deep in his heart, he approached the other just to stop inches away.
The closeness and the heat from Jin’s living body made it hard to breathe, like it sucked the oxygen out of the air, making his heart beat faster and faster. The attraction between them had always been more powerful than anything else, so potent that none of them could ever deny it.
“You smell the same Kazuya, you fucking smell just like you always did…” Jin sobbed, his legs buckling underneath him making him end up on his knees. This was the frailty and the hopelessness Kazuya had hoped to avoid and he was not prepared for it considering that the other man had been okay just seconds ago. He found himself on his knees too, holding Jin in his arms.
“I’m here now… shush…”
“Do you love me Kazuya? Can you still love this wretch?”
“I have always loved you Jin, I never meant to leave you, it just got… too much to handle for me… I needed to breathe and you were always there sucking the breath out of me. You killed me more in that sense then in the physical sense.”
Kazuya pulled away from Jin so he could see the broken down man in his arms, so he could take in this image as well and lock away deep inside his heart.
“Kiss me…” Jin whispered, barely high enough for Kazuya to hear.
“How did I get here? Where am I?!”
“You’re safe boy, you’re perfectly safe. Calm down.”
“No, tell me now! I was home, it was his birthday… and then he-he… Oh god! He killed me! He fucking strung me up by my neck!”
“You’re safe, you’re safe.”
“How did I get here?!”
“I don’t know dear boy, I don’t know… but you’re here now. I’m Koki and these are my friends Tatsuya, Junno and Yuichi. We live here.”
“Oh… but where is ‘here’ exactly?”
“The hall of mirrors my boy, at the very edge of now and then.”
It was nothing like the kisses they had shared during the last months of Kazuya’s life. Those had been cold and demanding, almost sucking the life out of him. This kiss was trembling; soft, almost fluttering and it made his throat clench and tears build up in the corner of his eyes. Nothing could be sweeter and more toxic than this.
Jin’s hands traveled down, tracing every curve of Kazuya’s body, moving the fabric of his black shirt underneath his fingers, reaching the hem of his black pants. Every touch made Kazuya shiver out of pleasure, his body remembering how it used to react and did so at its own accordance.
Before Kazuya had time to collect his scattered thoughts, Jin hade dragged him up on his feet and pulled him back through the apartment leading him to the bedroom. The feeling of Jin’s body up against his made all reason and logic unnecessary, he just needed this. Jin’s hands undressing him, Jin's naked skin, Jin’s lips, Jin’s tongue, Jin’s fingers…
“Take me Kazuya” Jin said with that throaty and hoarse voice he had always used on him when he was so lost in his passion that he couldn’t control it anymore.
Acting on instinct Kazuya pulled his lost love down with him to the bed, kissing his eyes to a close while he let himself be lost in lust and need. He had needed Jin more than anything else that time, he had needed the love, but Jin had turned so hateful and cold. It had been jealousy that drove Jin to hang him from the ceiling, jealousy of the fact that Kazuya rather chose death than him.
The memories came flooding back, the utter hopelessness, the letter to his mother, his goodbyes, the tub with water and the pills he had snatched from his uncle’s medicine cabinet. It was almost dark when he finally got to do it, when the time was right. But Jin came home, he always came when he was not expected, like he needed to be there even when he wasn’t.
“What are those?!”
“T-they’re…”
“You were going to kill yourself?!”
“Jin, it’s not…”
“You were going to fucking KILL yourself?!!”
The anger in Jin’s eyes burned Kazuya, it was so strong that it made the whole room boil. Then it got quiet and still, almost peaceful, before Jin laughed and disappeared into their bedroom. He came back seconds later with something that made Kazuya swoon in fear, he almost fainted there and then.
“If you want to leave so bad then I have no right to keep you here” Jin stated and pulled out a chair from the kitchen table. Then he grabbed Kazuya by his wrist, tied a noose round his neck and climbed the chair to pull the rope through the hoop left in the ceiling after some long forgotten renovation.
In a matter of seconds he had pulled Kazuya up in the air, without even noticeably straining himself, like Kazuya was just air now.
Kazuya took his last breath looking at the man he loved and who also loved him; taking his life.
Jin lay there beneath him, panting, moaning and it was almost too much for Kazuya to handle. The feeling of being hung by his neck remained after all these years, still as strong as when it happened. It was almost the only thing on his mind as he came buried inside the other, fighting to catch his breath as the whole world seemed to crumble.
It was Jin’s whispers who brought him back to the reality where he lay in the arms of the other, their bodies wet from sweat and Jin’s semen.
“I love you Kazuya.”
“I love you too Jin” Kazuya whispered back into the crock of his neck, taking in the scent from his long and soft black hair.
“And it’s your turn now.”
“W-what?”
“It’s your turn to kill me.”
“Jin… you’re not making any sense… my turn?”
“I killed you, you’re back again, now I can finally die. Kill me Kazuya.”
He breathed in and out, it felt like he was always fighting for air these days, always panting or choking. The sudden silence told him that the others were listening in on them now. He had absolutely no way of escaping this situation because Jin wanted him to kill him if he stayed and he could not leave and let him live because this was his mission. Koki’s support during the years seemed so far away now, like a dream, and when Kazuya lifted his hand it shook so violently that Jin had to steady it with his own.
Jin’s last words before Kazuya mustered enough determination to lay his hand on Jin’s cheek made the world topple, but Kazuya did what he had to do.
“Thank you Kazuya, I knew you’d never leave me behind-”
Kazuya touched that smooth skin he loved so much, the skin that had always been tanned from the sun but now was pale. It was with utter fear he felt Jin’s last breath resonate through the room, feeling Jin’s life slip through his fingers. He lay there, on Jin’s still warm body, until the silence appeared once again and he felt Junno’s hand reaching out for him, heard Tatsuya’s warm voice, Yuichi’s words of reason and felt Koki’s love.
This time the mirror wasn’t a big and majestic one, it was the mirror in their hallway, small and square, but still as scolding hot and cleansing.
“But how did you all get here?”
“We were collected, asked to join. The world is full of people who likes to make a difference, but it takes a very special kind of people to be able to do what we do.”
“Why special?”
“Because good people do not take other people’s lives Kazuya.”
“You do.”
“Yes, we’re that special kind.”
Heart wrenching, numbing, uncontrollable pain. His dead heart still beat but he didn’t want to live anymore. How had Jin managed to even breathe after he had hoisted Kazuya up in that thin rope? How had he been able to stand it while Kazuya’s body wriggled and shook in the last efforts to stay alive? How had he been able to look himself in the mirror the day after? It had crushed Kazuya to lay his hand on Jin even with the others consent.
“I told you it wasn’t easy” Koki said, sitting down next to him leaning against the mirror.
“But it never felt like this before… on the other missions…”
“That’s because we gave you the easy ones, the ones were the murders were so gruesome that you could never ever feel guilty about taking the murderers life.”
“And this was different?”
“Yes Kazuya, because you love him.”