(Untitled)

[niliwen]

Health Hazards

"You only noticed her because she was the only girl who even knew what a naval shanty was."
Peter only smirked wryly, knowing he couldn't exactly deny the accusation. "Claude, you don't meet a girl like Torie every day. Besides I think we would have become friends, eventually."
"A very long eventually," Claude said dryly as he laid

Comments

[jeza_jezaro]

Time travel? :?

[niliwen]

Not necessarily. Reincarnation.

How have you been?

[jeza_jezaro]

Then I don`t understand what`s going on - aren`t the bruises from the navy?

Extremely busy - I have to hand in my dissertation on Monday and then I have exams and then graduation :D You? :)

[niliwen]

The bruises are something that Torie did to him.

Wow, that's a lot to do. I'm on summer break, just came back from 2 crazy adventures.

[jeza_jezaro]

Ah, I was imagining Peter time travel to the 19th century, gets wounded by Torie, comes back and then Claude patches him up :D

:D Isn`t it a bit late for a New Year?

[niliwen]

Nope. It's them reincarnated. And on far, far more acrimonious terms than 1805.

Not for them. It's lunar based.

[jeza_jezaro]

Fun times :)

Gotta go, my day needs to start already :X Have fun~

[niliwen]

Yep. Take care!

Your BF edit!

[keppiehed]

Hello, I'm one of your editors this week!

I'll start with a line-by-line edit, then give concrit at the end. Corrections are in brackets as follows:

- Besides[,] I think we would have become friends, eventually."

- What the hell do you think you are doing, living in the 19th century navy?" number less than a hundred should be written out. In this case, nineteenth

-... you can just stitch each other up. it's better not to end on a preposition if it can be avoided. Although it seems awkward, rewording to "you can just stitch up each other" would be preferable

Re: Your BF edit!

[niliwen]

Thanks!

Word choice noted. :D

Second Editor reporting for duty

[fawatson]

I have read your first editors comments and won't repeat anything already said.

My one real criticism is: reincarnation? Really? No, I don't think so. If the protagonist lived a previous lifetime in the Nineteenth Century navy but now is reincarnated in the Twentieth Century, then his modern day companion would not be using surgical techniques from over 100 years ago to patch him up.

Time travel does work, however.

Re: Second Editor reporting for duty

[niliwen]

Thanks!

Actually suturing is still used today to deal with minor injuries (I should know, I've watched surgeons patch people up too).

Time travel can work but I don't quite see it happening. Oh well, each to his or her own opinion.