The Gwack Fic Rules
The Gwack Fic Rules
Ok I have been checking out some of the fics that relate to the Gwen/Jack pairing and well, a snark session with a few friends after we had bashed our heads against the wall numerous times resulted in this.
My user icon should probably give away my thoughts on that pairing to start off with, and if you are on my friend list then I figure you know me a little bit anyway so... on with the snark!
Oh and just to add I actually do like Gwen as a character, but I am not blind to her faults but this is all in good fun.
1. Make everyone act as totally ooc as possible
2. Don’t use punctuation and grammar and spelling is for nerds! Oh and fics consisting almost totally of dialogue is the way to go. Plus the use of caps to emphasis how IMPORTANT things are is a must in any good fic.
3. Use as much purple prose as possible, as well as bad descriptions for Gwen to describe how totally awesome she is and she makes the world a better place by breathing.
4. Ensure that each chapter is not more than 100 words in length. Sometimes 15 is enough to advance your story.
5. Just start writing something with no idea where it is going and wait for people to beg you to continue cause it is the best thing they have ever read. Make sure to mine them for ideas on what to write next... i.e. planning and plotting is totally over rated.
6. If you have to have a plot, then the best option is to steal one from a soap opera. Make sure it very recognisable that your idea isn’t your own at all and wait in anticipation to be told how clever you are for adapting the story and characterisations from another media.
7. If a character responds to a question really quickly in response then they don't really mean what they are saying because the first thought that pops into people’s heads is always a lie.
8. Ensure that Ianto is fully supportive of Jack being with Gwen. In fact he has been secretly trying to set them up for years. If this isn't quite right for your fic then just get an alien to rip his head off, Jack won't mind. If neither of these two options don’t work, just ignore him no one will mind that 1/3 of the team is missing.
9. Rhys, what to do about that pesky Welshman? You could swap his loveable, sweet, adoring, supportive canon characterisation with Gwen’s canon characterisation. Affairs - check. Lying to partner - check. Fond of knocking back alcohol to an unhealthy degree - check. Do whatever he wants, regardless of the feelings of anyone else - check. Physically abuse the other partner by drugging them in order to appease ones own guilty conscience - check.
10. Jack wants and needs nothing more than to marry and have kids in order to make his life complete. It is what he has been waiting in TW for, Gwen to come along and save him from his lonely existence. The Doctor was just a phase.
11. Jack refers to Gwen by as many possibly cute nicknames as you can think of, which Gwen adores.
12. Jack freely tells people that he loves them, well actually he only says it to Gwen. He lives to talk about his past and sharing his emotions.
13. Give Jack random superpowers that are completely not related to anything anywhere in canon ever because Jack is secretly a superhero. Oh and Jack and Gwen now come with Go Go Gadget arms.
14. Aliens are dealt with quickly and easily or really not all, nobody is reading your story for the aliens. You don’t need to bother with the science behind them or logic as they are just a means to get Jack to see how much he loves Gwen and who really cares about the people of the world or Cardiff.
15. Remember that quantity is the best way to go in terms of your fic writing. You need to get as much out there as soon as possible as it is the only one true way. Don’t bother with anyone looking at your fic before posting, your words come from your heart and no one can criticise that.
Ok I have been checking out some of the fics that relate to the Gwen/Jack pairing and well, a snark session with a few friends after we had bashed our heads against the wall numerous times resulted in this.
My user icon should probably give away my thoughts on that pairing to start off with, and if you are on my friend list then I figure you know me a little bit anyway so... on with the snark!
Oh and just to add I actually do like Gwen as a character, but I am not blind to her faults but this is all in good fun.
1. Make everyone act as totally ooc as possible
2. Don’t use punctuation and grammar and spelling is for nerds! Oh and fics consisting almost totally of dialogue is the way to go. Plus the use of caps to emphasis how IMPORTANT things are is a must in any good fic.
3. Use as much purple prose as possible, as well as bad descriptions for Gwen to describe how totally awesome she is and she makes the world a better place by breathing.
4. Ensure that each chapter is not more than 100 words in length. Sometimes 15 is enough to advance your story.
5. Just start writing something with no idea where it is going and wait for people to beg you to continue cause it is the best thing they have ever read. Make sure to mine them for ideas on what to write next... i.e. planning and plotting is totally over rated.
6. If you have to have a plot, then the best option is to steal one from a soap opera. Make sure it very recognisable that your idea isn’t your own at all and wait in anticipation to be told how clever you are for adapting the story and characterisations from another media.
7. If a character responds to a question really quickly in response then they don't really mean what they are saying because the first thought that pops into people’s heads is always a lie.
8. Ensure that Ianto is fully supportive of Jack being with Gwen. In fact he has been secretly trying to set them up for years. If this isn't quite right for your fic then just get an alien to rip his head off, Jack won't mind. If neither of these two options don’t work, just ignore him no one will mind that 1/3 of the team is missing.
9. Rhys, what to do about that pesky Welshman? You could swap his loveable, sweet, adoring, supportive canon characterisation with Gwen’s canon characterisation. Affairs - check. Lying to partner - check. Fond of knocking back alcohol to an unhealthy degree - check. Do whatever he wants, regardless of the feelings of anyone else - check. Physically abuse the other partner by drugging them in order to appease ones own guilty conscience - check.
10. Jack wants and needs nothing more than to marry and have kids in order to make his life complete. It is what he has been waiting in TW for, Gwen to come along and save him from his lonely existence. The Doctor was just a phase.
11. Jack refers to Gwen by as many possibly cute nicknames as you can think of, which Gwen adores.
12. Jack freely tells people that he loves them, well actually he only says it to Gwen. He lives to talk about his past and sharing his emotions.
13. Give Jack random superpowers that are completely not related to anything anywhere in canon ever because Jack is secretly a superhero. Oh and Jack and Gwen now come with Go Go Gadget arms.
14. Aliens are dealt with quickly and easily or really not all, nobody is reading your story for the aliens. You don’t need to bother with the science behind them or logic as they are just a means to get Jack to see how much he loves Gwen and who really cares about the people of the world or Cardiff.
15. Remember that quantity is the best way to go in terms of your fic writing. You need to get as much out there as soon as possible as it is the only one true way. Don’t bother with anyone looking at your fic before posting, your words come from your heart and no one can criticise that.