You don't have to be mad to work here... no actually, wait a minute.... (1/?)
Title: You don't have to be mad to work here... no actually, wait a minute....
Pairing/s: Luhan/Xiumin, Tao/Suho, Chanyeol/Kai (or at least that's the plan)
Warnings: None so far.
Length: Multi-chaptered... hopefully. In progress.
Summary: Kris is the owner of a pet shop. It's a far more stressful job than it sounds.
A/N: From another prompt on exopromptmeme. It's possibly the most amazing prompt I have ever seen.
Part 1/?
“So we now have a stockroom full of dry dog food,” Kris said slowly as he looked at the dozen or so bags piled up in front of him, “when what we actually ordered was more hay for small animals, you know, because that was what we were running low on.” He looked back at Minseok and then again at the dry dog food. “It’s what we’re still running low on.” He added with a frown. “I mean what on earth are we supposed to do with all of this? Why couldn’t they have just taken it back with them? Surely that would make more sense than sending someone else out to get it later which is what they’re going to have to do. ”
“Well…actually…” Minseok mumbled before falling uncharacteristically silent.
Kris’ frown deepened. Now that he thought about it uncharacteristically silent was what Minseok had been since he’d walked in the door. “Actually what?” he asked turning to face the person he usually thought of as his most responsible employee only to find that that person was staring at the floor in a way reminiscent of a child who knew they were about to be scolded.
“Actually… I don’t think they know that they delivered the wrong thing.” Minseok replied, looking up at Kris to gauge his reaction only to see the frown was still on his face. Obviously deciding that it didn’t look like the frown would be leaving anytime soon he immediately went back to studying the floor. “Well to be honest, I’m pretty sure that it’s entirely possible that they almost definitely don’t know anything about it.” He said, raking a hand nervously through his hair.
“Why wouldn’t they know about it?” Kris asked. He had no idea what his friend was talking about and it was not sitting well with him. He could take nonsensical talk when it came from Chanyeol, eighty per cent of the words that came out of that boy’s mouth made little to no sense at all. And Jongin and Tao could sometimes be just as bad but Minseok... Minseok was the one he could usually count on when he needed a rational explanation for something, he wasn’t used to having to decipher what it was he was trying to say.
“They might not know about it… because I might not have said anything when it was delivered.” was the explanation given.
It wasn’t great as explanations went. In fact all it did was raise more questions, which in Kris’ opinion was the opposite of what an explanation was supposed to do. “What do you mean you ‘might not have said anything’?” was the question he settled on asking. “You either did or you didn’t.”
And uncharacteristically silent Minseok was back giving Kris the answer he was after. “You didn’t say anything.” he muttered. He was having a hard time believing what he was hearing. “Why wouldn’t you… actually no, I don’t want to know.” He had a feeling that the explanation given would make even less sense than the last and he had a headache as it was, trying to figure out whatever cryptic answer Minseok was bound to give would only make it worse. “You just… you just work on finding somewhere to put this stuff for now and I’ll ring the suppliers and tell them there’s been a mistake.” With a shake of his head he turned on his heel and headed for his office. It was going to be one of those days, he just knew it.
… ... ... ...
So it had taken nearly half an hour but he’d eventually managed to sort the whole dog food debacle out. Come Monday it would be gone and what they’d actually ordered would be with them.
And now he supposed he should head out to the shop floor and check what state the rest of his business was in. Since Minseok was still in the stockroom and Chanyeol was the only other employee on site at the moment there was a fifty per cent chance he still had a business at all never mind one that was functioning as it should be.
“You don’t want that one. He bites. And when I say bites… I mean he really bites. He’ll clamp down on your finger and he won’t let go until someone pries his jaw open.” Were the first words he heard after stepping through the door. Maybe fifty per cent had been optimistic thinking on his part.
The people on the receiving end of this piece of advice were a rather harried looking woman in her thirties and a boy who looked to be about seven years old. The woman understandably was looking at the hamster in front of her with a slightly horrified expression on her face. The boy on the other hand looked delighted. “Mum!” he said excitedly, tugging on her sleeve. “I want that one! I want the one that bites!”
“He doesn’t bite.” Kris interjected, knowing it was way too late to fix things but deciding he should probably try to anyway. He did own the place after all. “And he,” he added, jabbing a finger at the person trying to ruin him, “he doesn’t even work here.”
“Ah, you’re in one of those moods,” Sehun, university student (who never actually seemed to be at university), friend of Jongin and Tao and the bane of Kris’ existence said, making Kris frown for about the hundredth time that day before turning back to the customers he’d been bothering, “He’s right, I don’t work here. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ve heard the stories, I’ve seen the scars.”
“The scars?” the boy echoed breathlessly, his eyes widening in a way that reminded Kris of Chanyeol when he was excited about something. It was a little disconcerting to say the least. One Chanyeol in the world was more than enough. “Mum! Please, please, please can I have this one?”
“You can back off, I’ve got this.” Sehun murmured in Kris' ear.
Kris, valiantly resisted the urge to shove the young man standing beside him into the wall and instead tried his best to assure the woman in front of him that the hamster in question was not the spawn of the devil. “He might nip at your fingers a little if you try and pick him up but that’s only because he’s not used to being handled yet. We’re working on that. If you want a pet that’s already used to being handled then there are other options we can look at.”
“I don’t want something else!” Chanyeol’s lookalike protested with a pout. “I want that one! I can get him to like me and then he’ll only bite people I don’t like… like Donghae.”
“We’re getting you a pet so you can learn about responsibility, not so you can train it to attack your older brother.” His mother told him, her cheeks turning red from embarrassment.
“Okay, I won’t let him bite Donghae.” Miniature Chanyeol conceded with a sigh. “But I really do want that one. Just look at him mum! He’s so cute! And I don’t mind if he bites me a little bit, I’ll keep holding him and holding him until he doesn’t do it anymore. I promise, and I’ll feed him every day and I’ll change his water and I’ll clean his cage and I’ll never ever complain and I’ll…”
“Okay, okay…” His mother said, cutting him off before he could get too carried away. “If that’s the hamster you really want then that's the one we'll get.”
“See, I told you I knew what I was doing.” Sehun whispered smugly. How the younger man managed to make a whisper sound smug Kris had no idea but that’s exactly what it was; an irritatingly smug whisper. It made him want to hit something.
“Really?” Miniature Chanyeol shrieked two seconds later.
Kris winced. Yeah, there was no way his headache was going to be letting up anytime soon, that was fast becoming apparent. But hey, at least a sale had been made, that was something. “If you really want him I can go and find someone who can talk you through what you’ll need.” He offered, not sure who he wanted to get away from more, the shrieking seven year old or Sehun who was standing there with his hands in his pockets and a self-satisfied smirk on his face.
“That would be fantastic.” The boy’s mother said.
Kris headed for the counter before she had a chance to change her mind.
… ... ... ...
Hearing Kris approach Chanyeol looked up from the book he’d been reading and grinned. “Did you hear about the dog food?” he asked.
“Yes.” Kris said shortly.
“Isn’t it hilarious?”
“No.”
“Ah, you’re in one of those moods.” Chanyeol said, dropping the grin.
Although he was slightly annoyed by the fact that it was the second time he’d heard the sentence in the space of ten minutes Kris decided to ignore it. He had a few important questions to ask. One of them being, “Why are you over here reading a book while Sehun is over there harassing the customers?”
“Because if I was the one over there harassing the customers it wouldn’t be very professional. I work here remember?” Chanyeol replied and the grin was back.
Kris scowled. “This isn’t a joke. I’m not paying you to sit here and read… ” he squinted at the spine of the book in Chanyeol’s hands, “… about bearded dragons. Why are you reading a book about… no wait… don’t answer that.” He probably didn’t want to know. “You should be over there, talking to the customers, not over here procrastinating. That’s the point I’m trying to make.”
“Sorry.” Chanyeol said not sounding sorry in the slightest. “Do you want me to do something?”
Kris opened his mouth, intending to tell him that yes, he wanted him to do his job for once but then he noticed something that made him stop. Chanyeol’s eyes looked puffy, puffy and red and there was what looked like a tear track on one of his cheeks, “Why do you look like you’ve been crying?” he asked, immediately suspicious. Chanyeol and crying were not two words that usually went together, not unless ‘with laughter’ was also included in the sentence and Kris highly doubted that there was anything worth crying with laughter over in the book he’d been reading.
“I don't know.” Chanyeol said simply, putting the book down and getting to his feet. Then he sneezed.
Kris sighed. “Please tell me there isn’t a cat under the desk.”
“There isn’t a cat under the desk.” Chanyeol told him with a sniff, an innocent look on his face.
Kris had known Chanyeol for far too long to be fooled. The more angelic the expression the guiltier he was, that was the general rule where he was concerned. “There’s a cat under the desk, isn’t there?”
“Maybe…”
Kris put his hands on the counter and peered over the top. Sure enough he was greeted with a pair of large green eyes staring back at him. He straightened up and aimed an unimpressed look at Chanyeol. “I know I’m going to regret asking this… but why is there a ginger kitten sitting on top of the cash box?”
“It’s just Thor.” Chanyeol said as if the words explained everything when they in fact explained nothing.
“It’s just Thor…” Kris echoed faintly.
Realising that his boss was probably waiting for him to expand on his answer Chanyeol continued, “I walked past him earlier and he looked so sad. And then I realised, he must be pining for Bruce. Wouldn’t you be upset too if your brother suddenly vanished into thin air? So I thought I’d bring him over here so I could keep an eye on him. He seems to have brightened up a little, I think he appreciates the company.”
“So he’s under the desk because you didn’t want him to feel lonely.” Kris translated once he’d finally managed to unravel what he’d just heard. That was just… horrifically adorable.
“Yes.” Chanyeol and he scooped up the tiny ball of fluff and cradled it to his chest. “I didn’t think you’d mind. He’s being picked up tomorrow isn’t he? So it’s not like anybody needs to see him, not when he’s bought and paid for.” He said to Kris as he scratched behind the kittens ears with his index finger.
Kris had told Chanyeol many, many times that he couldn’t keep animals behind the counter with him, no matter the circumstance. He’d also told him many, many times that he couldn’t go around naming the animals no matter how cute they were. But right that second he just didn’t have the energy to argue with him. “Give me the cat.” He said instead with a resigned shake of his head and Chanyeol reluctantly handed the kitten over. “Now go and help that lady find what she needs, she’s taking a hamster.” He added nodding in the general direction of the small rodents section. “And while you’re over there…”
“Kick out Sehun?” Chanyeol finished for him.
“Yes, kick out Sehun, he’s giving me a headache.”
“I’m on it.” Chanyeol said with a salute, the effect somewhat marred by the amused expression on his face.
Kris frowned (or kept on frowning, he was pretty sure he’d done nothing but frown all morning) and started towards the section of the shop where they kept the cats. For some reason his friends always seemed to find it incredibly funny when he was stressed and it was getting well and truly old. Next time one of them was approaching a nervous breakdown they could forget about running to him for sympathy, that was for sure.
Pairing/s: Luhan/Xiumin, Tao/Suho, Chanyeol/Kai (or at least that's the plan)
Warnings: None so far.
Length: Multi-chaptered... hopefully. In progress.
Summary: Kris is the owner of a pet shop. It's a far more stressful job than it sounds.
A/N: From another prompt on exopromptmeme. It's possibly the most amazing prompt I have ever seen.
Part 1/?
“So we now have a stockroom full of dry dog food,” Kris said slowly as he looked at the dozen or so bags piled up in front of him, “when what we actually ordered was more hay for small animals, you know, because that was what we were running low on.” He looked back at Minseok and then again at the dry dog food. “It’s what we’re still running low on.” He added with a frown. “I mean what on earth are we supposed to do with all of this? Why couldn’t they have just taken it back with them? Surely that would make more sense than sending someone else out to get it later which is what they’re going to have to do. ”
“Well…actually…” Minseok mumbled before falling uncharacteristically silent.
Kris’ frown deepened. Now that he thought about it uncharacteristically silent was what Minseok had been since he’d walked in the door. “Actually what?” he asked turning to face the person he usually thought of as his most responsible employee only to find that that person was staring at the floor in a way reminiscent of a child who knew they were about to be scolded.
“Actually… I don’t think they know that they delivered the wrong thing.” Minseok replied, looking up at Kris to gauge his reaction only to see the frown was still on his face. Obviously deciding that it didn’t look like the frown would be leaving anytime soon he immediately went back to studying the floor. “Well to be honest, I’m pretty sure that it’s entirely possible that they almost definitely don’t know anything about it.” He said, raking a hand nervously through his hair.
“Why wouldn’t they know about it?” Kris asked. He had no idea what his friend was talking about and it was not sitting well with him. He could take nonsensical talk when it came from Chanyeol, eighty per cent of the words that came out of that boy’s mouth made little to no sense at all. And Jongin and Tao could sometimes be just as bad but Minseok... Minseok was the one he could usually count on when he needed a rational explanation for something, he wasn’t used to having to decipher what it was he was trying to say.
“They might not know about it… because I might not have said anything when it was delivered.” was the explanation given.
It wasn’t great as explanations went. In fact all it did was raise more questions, which in Kris’ opinion was the opposite of what an explanation was supposed to do. “What do you mean you ‘might not have said anything’?” was the question he settled on asking. “You either did or you didn’t.”
And uncharacteristically silent Minseok was back giving Kris the answer he was after. “You didn’t say anything.” he muttered. He was having a hard time believing what he was hearing. “Why wouldn’t you… actually no, I don’t want to know.” He had a feeling that the explanation given would make even less sense than the last and he had a headache as it was, trying to figure out whatever cryptic answer Minseok was bound to give would only make it worse. “You just… you just work on finding somewhere to put this stuff for now and I’ll ring the suppliers and tell them there’s been a mistake.” With a shake of his head he turned on his heel and headed for his office. It was going to be one of those days, he just knew it.
… ... ... ...
So it had taken nearly half an hour but he’d eventually managed to sort the whole dog food debacle out. Come Monday it would be gone and what they’d actually ordered would be with them.
And now he supposed he should head out to the shop floor and check what state the rest of his business was in. Since Minseok was still in the stockroom and Chanyeol was the only other employee on site at the moment there was a fifty per cent chance he still had a business at all never mind one that was functioning as it should be.
“You don’t want that one. He bites. And when I say bites… I mean he really bites. He’ll clamp down on your finger and he won’t let go until someone pries his jaw open.” Were the first words he heard after stepping through the door. Maybe fifty per cent had been optimistic thinking on his part.
The people on the receiving end of this piece of advice were a rather harried looking woman in her thirties and a boy who looked to be about seven years old. The woman understandably was looking at the hamster in front of her with a slightly horrified expression on her face. The boy on the other hand looked delighted. “Mum!” he said excitedly, tugging on her sleeve. “I want that one! I want the one that bites!”
“He doesn’t bite.” Kris interjected, knowing it was way too late to fix things but deciding he should probably try to anyway. He did own the place after all. “And he,” he added, jabbing a finger at the person trying to ruin him, “he doesn’t even work here.”
“Ah, you’re in one of those moods,” Sehun, university student (who never actually seemed to be at university), friend of Jongin and Tao and the bane of Kris’ existence said, making Kris frown for about the hundredth time that day before turning back to the customers he’d been bothering, “He’s right, I don’t work here. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ve heard the stories, I’ve seen the scars.”
“The scars?” the boy echoed breathlessly, his eyes widening in a way that reminded Kris of Chanyeol when he was excited about something. It was a little disconcerting to say the least. One Chanyeol in the world was more than enough. “Mum! Please, please, please can I have this one?”
“You can back off, I’ve got this.” Sehun murmured in Kris' ear.
Kris, valiantly resisted the urge to shove the young man standing beside him into the wall and instead tried his best to assure the woman in front of him that the hamster in question was not the spawn of the devil. “He might nip at your fingers a little if you try and pick him up but that’s only because he’s not used to being handled yet. We’re working on that. If you want a pet that’s already used to being handled then there are other options we can look at.”
“I don’t want something else!” Chanyeol’s lookalike protested with a pout. “I want that one! I can get him to like me and then he’ll only bite people I don’t like… like Donghae.”
“We’re getting you a pet so you can learn about responsibility, not so you can train it to attack your older brother.” His mother told him, her cheeks turning red from embarrassment.
“Okay, I won’t let him bite Donghae.” Miniature Chanyeol conceded with a sigh. “But I really do want that one. Just look at him mum! He’s so cute! And I don’t mind if he bites me a little bit, I’ll keep holding him and holding him until he doesn’t do it anymore. I promise, and I’ll feed him every day and I’ll change his water and I’ll clean his cage and I’ll never ever complain and I’ll…”
“Okay, okay…” His mother said, cutting him off before he could get too carried away. “If that’s the hamster you really want then that's the one we'll get.”
“See, I told you I knew what I was doing.” Sehun whispered smugly. How the younger man managed to make a whisper sound smug Kris had no idea but that’s exactly what it was; an irritatingly smug whisper. It made him want to hit something.
“Really?” Miniature Chanyeol shrieked two seconds later.
Kris winced. Yeah, there was no way his headache was going to be letting up anytime soon, that was fast becoming apparent. But hey, at least a sale had been made, that was something. “If you really want him I can go and find someone who can talk you through what you’ll need.” He offered, not sure who he wanted to get away from more, the shrieking seven year old or Sehun who was standing there with his hands in his pockets and a self-satisfied smirk on his face.
“That would be fantastic.” The boy’s mother said.
Kris headed for the counter before she had a chance to change her mind.
… ... ... ...
Hearing Kris approach Chanyeol looked up from the book he’d been reading and grinned. “Did you hear about the dog food?” he asked.
“Yes.” Kris said shortly.
“Isn’t it hilarious?”
“No.”
“Ah, you’re in one of those moods.” Chanyeol said, dropping the grin.
Although he was slightly annoyed by the fact that it was the second time he’d heard the sentence in the space of ten minutes Kris decided to ignore it. He had a few important questions to ask. One of them being, “Why are you over here reading a book while Sehun is over there harassing the customers?”
“Because if I was the one over there harassing the customers it wouldn’t be very professional. I work here remember?” Chanyeol replied and the grin was back.
Kris scowled. “This isn’t a joke. I’m not paying you to sit here and read… ” he squinted at the spine of the book in Chanyeol’s hands, “… about bearded dragons. Why are you reading a book about… no wait… don’t answer that.” He probably didn’t want to know. “You should be over there, talking to the customers, not over here procrastinating. That’s the point I’m trying to make.”
“Sorry.” Chanyeol said not sounding sorry in the slightest. “Do you want me to do something?”
Kris opened his mouth, intending to tell him that yes, he wanted him to do his job for once but then he noticed something that made him stop. Chanyeol’s eyes looked puffy, puffy and red and there was what looked like a tear track on one of his cheeks, “Why do you look like you’ve been crying?” he asked, immediately suspicious. Chanyeol and crying were not two words that usually went together, not unless ‘with laughter’ was also included in the sentence and Kris highly doubted that there was anything worth crying with laughter over in the book he’d been reading.
“I don't know.” Chanyeol said simply, putting the book down and getting to his feet. Then he sneezed.
Kris sighed. “Please tell me there isn’t a cat under the desk.”
“There isn’t a cat under the desk.” Chanyeol told him with a sniff, an innocent look on his face.
Kris had known Chanyeol for far too long to be fooled. The more angelic the expression the guiltier he was, that was the general rule where he was concerned. “There’s a cat under the desk, isn’t there?”
“Maybe…”
Kris put his hands on the counter and peered over the top. Sure enough he was greeted with a pair of large green eyes staring back at him. He straightened up and aimed an unimpressed look at Chanyeol. “I know I’m going to regret asking this… but why is there a ginger kitten sitting on top of the cash box?”
“It’s just Thor.” Chanyeol said as if the words explained everything when they in fact explained nothing.
“It’s just Thor…” Kris echoed faintly.
Realising that his boss was probably waiting for him to expand on his answer Chanyeol continued, “I walked past him earlier and he looked so sad. And then I realised, he must be pining for Bruce. Wouldn’t you be upset too if your brother suddenly vanished into thin air? So I thought I’d bring him over here so I could keep an eye on him. He seems to have brightened up a little, I think he appreciates the company.”
“So he’s under the desk because you didn’t want him to feel lonely.” Kris translated once he’d finally managed to unravel what he’d just heard. That was just… horrifically adorable.
“Yes.” Chanyeol and he scooped up the tiny ball of fluff and cradled it to his chest. “I didn’t think you’d mind. He’s being picked up tomorrow isn’t he? So it’s not like anybody needs to see him, not when he’s bought and paid for.” He said to Kris as he scratched behind the kittens ears with his index finger.
Kris had told Chanyeol many, many times that he couldn’t keep animals behind the counter with him, no matter the circumstance. He’d also told him many, many times that he couldn’t go around naming the animals no matter how cute they were. But right that second he just didn’t have the energy to argue with him. “Give me the cat.” He said instead with a resigned shake of his head and Chanyeol reluctantly handed the kitten over. “Now go and help that lady find what she needs, she’s taking a hamster.” He added nodding in the general direction of the small rodents section. “And while you’re over there…”
“Kick out Sehun?” Chanyeol finished for him.
“Yes, kick out Sehun, he’s giving me a headache.”
“I’m on it.” Chanyeol said with a salute, the effect somewhat marred by the amused expression on his face.
Kris frowned (or kept on frowning, he was pretty sure he’d done nothing but frown all morning) and started towards the section of the shop where they kept the cats. For some reason his friends always seemed to find it incredibly funny when he was stressed and it was getting well and truly old. Next time one of them was approaching a nervous breakdown they could forget about running to him for sympathy, that was for sure.