Loveaholic 5

Dec 06, 2009 07:53

Title: Loveaholic

Author: Alsike

Fandom: X-Men/Criminal Minds x-over

Pairing: Emma Frost/Emily Prentiss

Rating: R

AN/Disclaimer: Not my girls.

Apologies: Aftermath.

Summary: Sometimes the plans you make have a chance to become real. What if what you thought you wanted isn't enough?

Emma found it hard to sit at her desk the next day. She was tense and irritable. It was never enjoyable to come face to face with your true self, and when it became clear that your true self was an unrepentant asshole, it was even less pleasant. Emily was gorgeous and pliant and Emma had never been very talented at things like self-control. But it wasn’t just lust. She had wanted to get her nails inside of that perfect family, to twist it and wreck it and rip it up. Just sleeping with Emily wouldn’t have done it. But fucking her, on the desk, in the room her children came to every day…

(There were only so many ugly things you could do without being taken over by the creeping rot, and Emma had so little left pure already.)

Her family was already spinning out of control. The agreement had worked perfectly, until Michael had found a lover and her mother had found out. Leeds may be a city, but it was made up of small towns, and they were so blatant. They were too young to be real parents, too fashionable, too sexual, and if it got out that both of the parents were carrying on affairs…. Homosexuality was one thing, but open marriages were definitely another. And she had wanted that. She had wanted to do every dirty thing she could think of to that woman, she had wanted to get caught, get the headmaster involved, get Emily’s mother involved, and she could have destroyed that family. It would have been so easy.

Sam was bouncing up and down in front of the desk now. What would he have thought if he had seen his mother bent over it? Would Susan be able to understand this like she understood so many things? Could she understand how Emma’s hatred of her own family had caused her to tug at the threads of this family’s secrets until she had found its unraveling point?

No. It was so much better to keep a secret secret, even if it meant that she could not allow herself to taste that flavor of sweet sweet sin.

* * *

The trouble was, Sam had decided that she needed to get out more and kept inviting her to games, and Susan was desperate to show her a project she had been working on. Emma put it off and put it off, but every time they both looked so sad, and it made her very uncomfortable.

Then Emily showed up in her classroom.

“I think I need to talk to you.”

Emma looked away, the twisted shock in her stomach terrifying her. “I thought we said we weren’t going to talk.”

“Not about that.” Emily frowned. “Maybe a bit about that.”

“Not here, somewhere neutral.” She couldn’t bring Emily to her room. If anyone saw them, it would look terribly inappropriate, and be against the rules. But if they were overheard…

They ended up behind the rugby pitch, in an area screened by trees. It was difficult to stand there as Emily paced and looked irritable. Emma waited for her to begin, but she didn’t seem to want to start. So Emma started for her.

“I don’t like what you’re doing to my children.”

Emily blinked and stared at her. “What?”

“Isn’t that what you were going to say?”

“Um, something like that, maybe.”

“What do you want me to do?” Emma shook her head.

Strain was apparent on Emily’s face. “I want to understand you. You were their friend as well as their teacher, until… until that. So why not now? Do you not want to see me? Or did you… get what you want, and are done?”

“I’m done.” Emma said, and watched Emily’s eyes widen in shock and disgust.

“What? But, what did you even get from me?”

“You let me in. I got to see you spread open and sweaty and sated for me. I got to mark you. I fucked you on my desk, where I see your children every day. Isn’t that enough?”

“Do I disgust you?”

“I disgust myself. Do you know why I came to England?” It sounded like a nonsequitor, but it wasn’t, it could never be for her.

“Why should I know that?”

“I came to get away from my family. I hated them, with every ounce of my soul. We were perfect on the outside, but inside we were rotten. We had keyholes on both sides of the door. I don’t believe in good families. You’re going to fuck those children up whatever you do. You tried so hard, but it’s falling apart in front of you, isn’t it? What happens when everyone finds out about you?”

“It’s nobody’s business but ours! And they can’t do anything! Michael and I are married and they are our children. There aren’t any loopholes. They cannot take them away from us!”

“And when they find out?” Emma shook her head. “They are too smart to be lied to.”

“We don’t lie to them.”

“Your daughter already knows that there’s something wrong with your family. What’s Michael going to choose in the end? A family that’s twisting out of control or the endless understanding of his boyfriend.”

“Don’t try to scare me. You’re the one who’s afraid. Your family might have been awful, but no matter what happens, we will not hurt our children. They’re smart enough to understand why we made the choices we made, but they can’t understand why you’ve stopped being interested in them.”

Emma shook her head. “I can’t give them special treatment anymore.”

“Why not? Are you afraid?”

“Of course. I’m afraid of you.” She couldn’t say the rest. She couldn’t admit how this was tearing her up. She had wanted so badly for there to be something truly wrong. But the only thing wrong was her. Recovery was a lie. There was nothing to recover from, just her own vile nature.

She stepped in close and pressed her mouth against Emily’s. Emily gasped slightly, and tilted her head up, not kissing back, but not resisting. It wasn’t fair. It was so obvious that Emily didn’t want her, and she didn’t need anything that Emma could give her.

It felt so strange, how Emma hated her so much for what she had and what she meant, and how she wanted to be near it and feel it at the same time.

* * *

On the way up the stairs to Susan’s room, Emma passed Emily, leaning against the wall and watching her. She nodded in acknowledgement. Emily closed her teeth on the side of her lip and gave a half smile. It was her right, as she had won. Emma wasn’t afraid to admit when her actions had been selfish, even if their motivation had been less so.

* * *
6: I'm not the man you think I am"

criminal minds, x-men, emma/emily

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