Fic: Growing Up Dorian: Chapter 1/?
Title: Growing Up Dorian
Chapter: 1
Author: nighthawkms (beta'd by mostepotente
Genre: Future!Fic, Possibly AU
Chapter Rating: PG
Warnings: Slash, Obscenities, Angst, Character Death
Chapter Pairing:(s) Click to be Spoiled: Dan/Elliot
Summary: Excerpts from the childhood of Sam Dorian Jr.
Disclaimer: Scrubs is the property of Bill Lawrence and I guess ABC network nowadays. I don't own it, I'm just playing in the 'verse!
Notes: WHEEEEE! This fic was imagined back sometime in November or December and pumped out with verocious ferocity. I had an extremely enjoyable time producing it and I think it's the most satisfied I've ever been with a piece. It's also the longest single piece of fanfic that I've completely written and posted. Special thanks to mostepotente for her wonderful beta'ing abilities, telling me straight what needed to be fixed and putting effort into beta'ing. Thanks Charlotte, M'dear; without you this wouldn't have turned out nearly as good <3
“Okay Sammy, are you ready for your first day of pre-school?”
They were in a big room with lots of toys and other kids. Sammy didn’t think he had seen so many kids, ever! Not even at the toy store. There was a group of boys in one corner playing with dump trucks, and they had Legos on one of the mats! Oooo, he loved Legos!
“Daddy, can I play with the Legos?” He looked up and saw his dad smiling down at him.
“Sure.” Daddy kneeled down in front of him. “Now, I have to go to work, but Mommy will be here to pick you up in a few hours. Have fun and make some friends, okay?” Sam shook his head up and down; he really wanted to go play with the Legos nooooow.
“Mr. Dorian?”Another man came up to his Daddy and shook his hand. “I’m Mr. Mackenzie,” he said, and then looked down at Sam. “And you must be Sam! You can call me Mr. M if you can’t say Mackenzie. Welcome to our pre-school! I want you to meet some other kids, okay?”
“Okay.” Mr. M took his hand and led him over to the boys playing with the dump trucks. “Everyone, this is Sam. Say hi!”
Sam waved at them; suddenly he had a twisty feeling in his stomach. “Hi.” He said it really quietly; all the other boys were staring at him. “Do you wanna play Legos with me?”
“We wanna play trucks!” said one of the boys, waving the one he was holding around in the air. The other boys agreed and started zooming their trucks in the air.
“I’ll play Legos with you.” Sam turned around and saw a girl standing behind him in blue overalls and brown hair pulled into a ponytail. She smiled and grabbed his hand, tugging him over to the mat with the Legos on it. Wow, she was really strong! She plopped down on the mat and then pointed to a man standing next to his dad. They were talking to each other. “That’s my daddy,” she said. “He’s a doctor. Who is he talking to?”
“That’s my daddy,” said Sam. “He’s a doctor too! Why is he talking to your dad?”
“Maybe they know each other from being doctors. My name’s Jennifer Dylan, but my family calls me Jenny. What’s your name?”
“I’m Sam Dorian. We have the same letter starting our last names!”
“Nuh uh. My last name is Sullivan-Cox. Jennifer Dylan is my first name. Mommy says I got named after somebody called JD.” She frowned. “Daddy doesn’t like when she mentions that.”
“Daddy says I was named after my grandpa.” Sam grunted at a Lego that wouldn’t attach to the strip he was building. “I didn’t know him but Daddy says he was really nice.”
“I have a brother in the second grade,” Jenny said, grinning; she seemed really proud of this. “He said he’d beat up any boys who were mean to me, but I don’t need his help!” She shook her fist in Sam’s face and looked really happy. It was kind of scary. “If people are mean to you though, I’ll tell him to beat them up.”
“My Daddy says fighting is wrong,” said Sam, holding the Lego square he had made in front of his face. “He says I should talk to people if I have a problem with them.”
Jenny scrunched her face up. “That’s weird. I’m gonna ask my Daddy later about it.”
Sam looked over at the door again, but his dad and Jenny’s dad were gone. He suddenly got the twisty nervous feeling in his stomach again; when did Daddy say that Mommy was coming here? He hoped she’d come soon.
Jenny was suddenly in front of him, looking at him curiously. “Why’d you get sad?” she asked.
“I don’t wanna be here,” he mumbled, and a tear fell down his cheek. “I wanna go with Daddy.”
“But then we can’t play Legos!” She held out a little Lego person to him. “Come on, Misses Bubbles wants to meet your Mister person!”
Sam took the Lego, sniffing and nodding. “Okay. His name is Mister Dan and he’s a super hero!”
~
Sam met Jenny’s brother on the first day of kindergarten. He’d seen Jack once or twice at her house when he went over to play there, but he’d never talked to him. When everybody was out on the playground at recess, Jack got all of the kindergarteners together and stood in front of them with his gang of friends.
“Okay, we’re the oldest grade in this school, and I’m the leader of the fifth graders, which means you’ve gotta do what I say! So don’t piss me off- “several of the kindergarteners gasped, they’d never heard a kid use a grownup word before! “-and don’t mess with my sister!” He pointed to Jenny, who was standing next to Sam and looked angry.
“You’re embarrassing me Jack!” she said, folding her arms. “Stop it!”
Jack scowled but shook his head and pointed at them all. “Remember my rules! Now get out of here!” The kindergarteners all scampered.
Izzy was a year older than Sam and Jenny, and Sam had known her since he could remember. He’d introduced Jenny to her in the first year of pre-school and they’d gotten really friendly in that way that girls get friendly. Sammy thought it was weird, but oh well.
She was over by the jungle gym after Jack’s speech, and Jenny tugged Sam over there and started to complain to her. “I can take care of myself! Nobody ever wants to mess with me ‘cause they know my brother will hurt them if they do!”
“He’s just being an annoying brother. That’s what they all do. Chris is only three and he’s still annoying! You’re lucky Sam; you don’t have a stupid brother to deal with.”
“Umm,” Sam said, staring behind Jenny. Her brother was pointing at him and motioning for him to come over. “I think your brother wants to talk to me.”
Jenny scowled and tugged him over to her brother. “Be nice to Sam!” she said, holding her hands on her hips and staring up at Jack.
“Go ‘way Jenny. I wanna talk to him.” Sam found his other wrist in Jack’s grasp, and not for the first time that day got dragged away by a Sullivan-Cox to another part of the playground.
“Umm, I didn’t do anything, did I?” Jack stood in front of him and folded his arms, glaring down at Sam. “Uh, uh if I did I’m sorry!”
“You’re my sister’s best friend, right? You’d better be the nicest one to her,” Jack jabbed a finger against Sam’s chest, and he yelped and jumped back. “Got it? Or I’ll sock you!”
“Jack, stop it!” Jenny finally caught up with them and stood in front of Sam. “Leave him alone! Come on, Sam. Izzy’s gonna build a big sandcastle with us.”
Jenny grabbed Sam’s wrist and hauled him away. “Your brother cares about you a lot, huh?” he asked her, finally getting his feet under himself and walking next to her.
She scowled and whacked him on the shoulder. “Shut up! He’s just a pain!”
“Owww! I’m just sayin’…”
“I’m gonna sock you if you say it again!”
“Okay! Can we go build the sandcastle now?”
“Yeah, come on slow poke!”
~
“Hey, Uncle Dan and Aunt Elliot are going to be here in a few minutes. Did you finish brushing your teeth?”
“Yeah, Dad!” An eight year old Sam spat into the sink and washed out his mouth, moving out of the bathroom of his dad’s apartment and into the living room. “They’re bringing their new baby with them, right?”
“Yep. Be a little careful around Aunt Elliot, please; she’s only been out of the hospital for about a week.” Sam watched his dad slide some spaghetti into the boiling water on the stove, and then while his dad wasn’t looking, grabbed a celery stick off of the vegetable plate and plopped onto the couch.
“I saw that,” said Dad, turning around and smirking at his son.
“How’d you see!”
“Parents have eyes in the back of their heads. It’s a well known fact!”
“Naw. You just heard me bite it.”
“You’re too smart for me.” Sam grinned at his dad and munched on the celery, wishing for some peanut butter to put on it. All they had was that icky veggie dip. Maybe he could convince Uncle Dan to sneak him some peanut butter from the cabinet when his dad wasn’t looking…
“Hey.” Sam felt the couch shift as his dad sat down next to him. “How are you doing at your mom’s house?” Dad mussed a hand through Sam’s hair, and he squirmed in protest. “I know she and Paul have been fighting. They’re not pulling you into arguments, are they?”
“No, Dad.” He looked up and managed the best fake smile he could. Dad was right; Mom and his step-dad Paul were fighting a lot. Sam hid in his room whenever they started yelling. Usually he could find a book to get lost in and he’d stop hearing them as he read more, but sometimes the yelling was too loud to block out.
“Sammy, you know our family can’t act. It’s not in the Dorian blood. Are you gonna be okay staying there four nights a week still? Remember what I told you.” Sam did remember, of course. Dad had made him promise that if Paul or Mom ever hurt him that Sam would tell him, but neither of them had ever hit him, or each other, as far as he knew.
Sometimes Paul would yell at him when he went to hide, and then Mom would yell at Paul for yelling at him, and that would make it worse. Mom would come into his room later and say sorry for what was happening and hug him, and sometimes she wouldn’t leave until he pretended to fall asleep. She was always so sad all the time; that was the worst part. He didn’t like seeing her so sad…
“Yeah, Dad,” Sam finally said. “I’m gonna be fine. I’m a big boy, remember?”
His dad smiled, but it didn’t look like a happy smile. It was like the smile Mom gave him when she told Sam that she and Paul were just going through some hard times, and everything would be fine. He didn’t believe her when she said it, and he was starting to think she didn’t even believe herself. That was what Dad’s smile was like.
“Even big boys need support sometimes,” Dad said, resting a hand on his shoulder. “You know I’ll always be here if you need to talk, right?”
“Yes, Dad. Can I watch Punky Kids until Aunt Elliot and Uncle Dan get here?”
“Sure.” Sam reached for the remote and turned on the TV, flipping past the younger kids’ shows (Barney? Why did he ever watch that? So not cool!) until he got to the Punky Kids. Dad stayed on the couch next to him and kept his hand on Sam’s shoulder. Sam thought about pushing it off, but maybe Dad was feeling lonely… yeah, he’d let Dad leave it there. It wasn’t ‘cause he needed comfort or anything stupid like that. It was for Dad’s own good.
~
The first time Sam heard the word was when he was ten. Jimmy Rowan called Marvin Francis the word on the playground and the two boys got into a fist fight. The teacher on duty at recess had heard and seen what was going on, broke up the fight and then yelled at Jimmy for using the word. She then told everybody that if she heard any of them using it again, she would take them to the principal’s office.
Sam was quiet in the car on the way home, wondering if he should ask his dad what the word meant. His dad noticed, because he asked Sam why he was being so quiet.
“Nothing, just thinking.”
“About what?”
“Stuff at school?”
“Wanna tell me what?”
“Don’t know yet.”
“You aren’t in trouble, are you?”
“No, not me.”
When they’d gotten into the house (his dad had moved into it a few months ago; it had a nice big backyard and his dad had said that they might get a real puppy to keep Rowdy company), Dad had cut him up a snack, and he’d spread his homework out on the table in the kitchen while his dad started making dinner. And eventually…
“Dad? Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, what would you like to know?”
“One of the boys said a word today and Mrs. Robinson yelled at him and said it was a bad word. Can you tell me what it means?”
Dad leaned back against the counter and nodded at him. “What’s the word?”
“You won’t yell at me for saying it, will you?”
“Of course not. You’re just asking a question, you’re not using the word to hurt anybody. Now what did this boy say?”
“He… he told another boy, ‘you’re a… fag?’”
Dad had answered questions about bad words before, but this was the first time that his expression had looked like that. He sighed and put down the spatula he was holding. “I was hoping kids your age wouldn’t start using that word.”
“Is it really bad?”
“Well, let me try to explain. You know how I love you because you’re my kid, and Mom loves you too, and so does Uncle Dan and Aunt Elliot and Uncle Turk and Aunt Carla? And all your other relatives?”
“Uh-huh.”
“And you know that Jenny loves you because you’re her best friend? Hey, now don’t give me that look,” his dad said, grinning when Sam scrunched his face up. Ewww, Jenny didn’t love him! She was his friend! “Friends love each other as friends, and family members love each other as family members.”
“So?”
“Well, love between two people like Jenny’s parents, or like your Aunt Elliot and Uncle Dan; it’s different than a family member’s or a friend’s love. It’s called romance, and it happens when two people are attracted to each other and want to be together, and they go on dates, and sometimes they fall in love deeply and get married.”
“And then they do that thing you told me about to have babies?”
“Right…” Why did Dad look so uncomfortable? “So, well, a girl and a boy can love each other in that way. But sometimes, a boy and a boy or a girl and a girl love each other like that too.”
“Really?”
“Yep. And a boy can be attracted to another boy just like he can be attracted to a girl; it all depends on how he was born. It’s not a choice, but some people are very foolish and think it is. And they don’t think that boys can like boys and girls can like girls, so they try to tell people that it’s not natural. And that word that you said this boy used; that’s a word that someone would use to try and hurt people who are attracted to people of the same sex.”
“But that’s so stupid!”
“Hehe, well not everybody is as smart as you are to figure that out. And not every parent of your schoolmates believes the same thing that I do, and they’ll tell their kids differently. That’s why you have to be the bigger person and understand how mean that word is. Okay?”
“Okay!” Sam bit into a cracker and stared at his dad for a moment, thinking. “Dad, you like girls, right? You don’t love Mom now, but did you once?”
His dad was quiet for a while, which was weird because he didn’t think his dad ever stopped talking sometimes. “Well,” he finally said, “I did love your mom once. But I do like boys too.”
“But I thought you said a person either liked boys or girls…”
“Some people like both. It’s just who a person is; there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s like having brown hair or big feet; it’s a part of who you are and you shouldn’t try to change it. Does that make sense to you…?”
“Yeah, it does. Thanks, Dad!”
“No problem. Now finish your homework. Do you want to invite Jenny and Izzy over for dinner?”
“Oooo, really?”
“Yep.”
“Awesome!” Sam jumped down from the chair he was sitting on and raced over to the phone, then stopped when he thought of something. “Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you ever love a boy?”
His dad was facing the stove, and Sam noticed that he clenched a fist right after the question. He loosened it the next second though, and looked over at Sam with a smile.
“Once I did, but he didn’t love me back. Sometimes that happens too.” He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter though, because all that silly stuff could never be as important to me as you.”
“Daaad…”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. That was waaay too corny. Go call your friends already!”
Sam giggled and grabbed the phone, punching in the numbers for Jenny’s house. Maybe he’d ask her if she loved him. Heehee, that would totally gross her out! I’m gonna do it.
Next Chapter
X-Posted to scrubsfic and jd_cox
Chapter: 1
Author: nighthawkms (beta'd by mostepotente
Genre: Future!Fic, Possibly AU
Chapter Rating: PG
Warnings: Slash, Obscenities, Angst, Character Death
Chapter Pairing:(s) Click to be Spoiled: Dan/Elliot
Summary: Excerpts from the childhood of Sam Dorian Jr.
Disclaimer: Scrubs is the property of Bill Lawrence and I guess ABC network nowadays. I don't own it, I'm just playing in the 'verse!
Notes: WHEEEEE! This fic was imagined back sometime in November or December and pumped out with verocious ferocity. I had an extremely enjoyable time producing it and I think it's the most satisfied I've ever been with a piece. It's also the longest single piece of fanfic that I've completely written and posted. Special thanks to mostepotente for her wonderful beta'ing abilities, telling me straight what needed to be fixed and putting effort into beta'ing. Thanks Charlotte, M'dear; without you this wouldn't have turned out nearly as good <3
“Okay Sammy, are you ready for your first day of pre-school?”
They were in a big room with lots of toys and other kids. Sammy didn’t think he had seen so many kids, ever! Not even at the toy store. There was a group of boys in one corner playing with dump trucks, and they had Legos on one of the mats! Oooo, he loved Legos!
“Daddy, can I play with the Legos?” He looked up and saw his dad smiling down at him.
“Sure.” Daddy kneeled down in front of him. “Now, I have to go to work, but Mommy will be here to pick you up in a few hours. Have fun and make some friends, okay?” Sam shook his head up and down; he really wanted to go play with the Legos nooooow.
“Mr. Dorian?”Another man came up to his Daddy and shook his hand. “I’m Mr. Mackenzie,” he said, and then looked down at Sam. “And you must be Sam! You can call me Mr. M if you can’t say Mackenzie. Welcome to our pre-school! I want you to meet some other kids, okay?”
“Okay.” Mr. M took his hand and led him over to the boys playing with the dump trucks. “Everyone, this is Sam. Say hi!”
Sam waved at them; suddenly he had a twisty feeling in his stomach. “Hi.” He said it really quietly; all the other boys were staring at him. “Do you wanna play Legos with me?”
“We wanna play trucks!” said one of the boys, waving the one he was holding around in the air. The other boys agreed and started zooming their trucks in the air.
“I’ll play Legos with you.” Sam turned around and saw a girl standing behind him in blue overalls and brown hair pulled into a ponytail. She smiled and grabbed his hand, tugging him over to the mat with the Legos on it. Wow, she was really strong! She plopped down on the mat and then pointed to a man standing next to his dad. They were talking to each other. “That’s my daddy,” she said. “He’s a doctor. Who is he talking to?”
“That’s my daddy,” said Sam. “He’s a doctor too! Why is he talking to your dad?”
“Maybe they know each other from being doctors. My name’s Jennifer Dylan, but my family calls me Jenny. What’s your name?”
“I’m Sam Dorian. We have the same letter starting our last names!”
“Nuh uh. My last name is Sullivan-Cox. Jennifer Dylan is my first name. Mommy says I got named after somebody called JD.” She frowned. “Daddy doesn’t like when she mentions that.”
“Daddy says I was named after my grandpa.” Sam grunted at a Lego that wouldn’t attach to the strip he was building. “I didn’t know him but Daddy says he was really nice.”
“I have a brother in the second grade,” Jenny said, grinning; she seemed really proud of this. “He said he’d beat up any boys who were mean to me, but I don’t need his help!” She shook her fist in Sam’s face and looked really happy. It was kind of scary. “If people are mean to you though, I’ll tell him to beat them up.”
“My Daddy says fighting is wrong,” said Sam, holding the Lego square he had made in front of his face. “He says I should talk to people if I have a problem with them.”
Jenny scrunched her face up. “That’s weird. I’m gonna ask my Daddy later about it.”
Sam looked over at the door again, but his dad and Jenny’s dad were gone. He suddenly got the twisty nervous feeling in his stomach again; when did Daddy say that Mommy was coming here? He hoped she’d come soon.
Jenny was suddenly in front of him, looking at him curiously. “Why’d you get sad?” she asked.
“I don’t wanna be here,” he mumbled, and a tear fell down his cheek. “I wanna go with Daddy.”
“But then we can’t play Legos!” She held out a little Lego person to him. “Come on, Misses Bubbles wants to meet your Mister person!”
Sam took the Lego, sniffing and nodding. “Okay. His name is Mister Dan and he’s a super hero!”
~
Sam met Jenny’s brother on the first day of kindergarten. He’d seen Jack once or twice at her house when he went over to play there, but he’d never talked to him. When everybody was out on the playground at recess, Jack got all of the kindergarteners together and stood in front of them with his gang of friends.
“Okay, we’re the oldest grade in this school, and I’m the leader of the fifth graders, which means you’ve gotta do what I say! So don’t piss me off- “several of the kindergarteners gasped, they’d never heard a kid use a grownup word before! “-and don’t mess with my sister!” He pointed to Jenny, who was standing next to Sam and looked angry.
“You’re embarrassing me Jack!” she said, folding her arms. “Stop it!”
Jack scowled but shook his head and pointed at them all. “Remember my rules! Now get out of here!” The kindergarteners all scampered.
Izzy was a year older than Sam and Jenny, and Sam had known her since he could remember. He’d introduced Jenny to her in the first year of pre-school and they’d gotten really friendly in that way that girls get friendly. Sammy thought it was weird, but oh well.
She was over by the jungle gym after Jack’s speech, and Jenny tugged Sam over there and started to complain to her. “I can take care of myself! Nobody ever wants to mess with me ‘cause they know my brother will hurt them if they do!”
“He’s just being an annoying brother. That’s what they all do. Chris is only three and he’s still annoying! You’re lucky Sam; you don’t have a stupid brother to deal with.”
“Umm,” Sam said, staring behind Jenny. Her brother was pointing at him and motioning for him to come over. “I think your brother wants to talk to me.”
Jenny scowled and tugged him over to her brother. “Be nice to Sam!” she said, holding her hands on her hips and staring up at Jack.
“Go ‘way Jenny. I wanna talk to him.” Sam found his other wrist in Jack’s grasp, and not for the first time that day got dragged away by a Sullivan-Cox to another part of the playground.
“Umm, I didn’t do anything, did I?” Jack stood in front of him and folded his arms, glaring down at Sam. “Uh, uh if I did I’m sorry!”
“You’re my sister’s best friend, right? You’d better be the nicest one to her,” Jack jabbed a finger against Sam’s chest, and he yelped and jumped back. “Got it? Or I’ll sock you!”
“Jack, stop it!” Jenny finally caught up with them and stood in front of Sam. “Leave him alone! Come on, Sam. Izzy’s gonna build a big sandcastle with us.”
Jenny grabbed Sam’s wrist and hauled him away. “Your brother cares about you a lot, huh?” he asked her, finally getting his feet under himself and walking next to her.
She scowled and whacked him on the shoulder. “Shut up! He’s just a pain!”
“Owww! I’m just sayin’…”
“I’m gonna sock you if you say it again!”
“Okay! Can we go build the sandcastle now?”
“Yeah, come on slow poke!”
~
“Hey, Uncle Dan and Aunt Elliot are going to be here in a few minutes. Did you finish brushing your teeth?”
“Yeah, Dad!” An eight year old Sam spat into the sink and washed out his mouth, moving out of the bathroom of his dad’s apartment and into the living room. “They’re bringing their new baby with them, right?”
“Yep. Be a little careful around Aunt Elliot, please; she’s only been out of the hospital for about a week.” Sam watched his dad slide some spaghetti into the boiling water on the stove, and then while his dad wasn’t looking, grabbed a celery stick off of the vegetable plate and plopped onto the couch.
“I saw that,” said Dad, turning around and smirking at his son.
“How’d you see!”
“Parents have eyes in the back of their heads. It’s a well known fact!”
“Naw. You just heard me bite it.”
“You’re too smart for me.” Sam grinned at his dad and munched on the celery, wishing for some peanut butter to put on it. All they had was that icky veggie dip. Maybe he could convince Uncle Dan to sneak him some peanut butter from the cabinet when his dad wasn’t looking…
“Hey.” Sam felt the couch shift as his dad sat down next to him. “How are you doing at your mom’s house?” Dad mussed a hand through Sam’s hair, and he squirmed in protest. “I know she and Paul have been fighting. They’re not pulling you into arguments, are they?”
“No, Dad.” He looked up and managed the best fake smile he could. Dad was right; Mom and his step-dad Paul were fighting a lot. Sam hid in his room whenever they started yelling. Usually he could find a book to get lost in and he’d stop hearing them as he read more, but sometimes the yelling was too loud to block out.
“Sammy, you know our family can’t act. It’s not in the Dorian blood. Are you gonna be okay staying there four nights a week still? Remember what I told you.” Sam did remember, of course. Dad had made him promise that if Paul or Mom ever hurt him that Sam would tell him, but neither of them had ever hit him, or each other, as far as he knew.
Sometimes Paul would yell at him when he went to hide, and then Mom would yell at Paul for yelling at him, and that would make it worse. Mom would come into his room later and say sorry for what was happening and hug him, and sometimes she wouldn’t leave until he pretended to fall asleep. She was always so sad all the time; that was the worst part. He didn’t like seeing her so sad…
“Yeah, Dad,” Sam finally said. “I’m gonna be fine. I’m a big boy, remember?”
His dad smiled, but it didn’t look like a happy smile. It was like the smile Mom gave him when she told Sam that she and Paul were just going through some hard times, and everything would be fine. He didn’t believe her when she said it, and he was starting to think she didn’t even believe herself. That was what Dad’s smile was like.
“Even big boys need support sometimes,” Dad said, resting a hand on his shoulder. “You know I’ll always be here if you need to talk, right?”
“Yes, Dad. Can I watch Punky Kids until Aunt Elliot and Uncle Dan get here?”
“Sure.” Sam reached for the remote and turned on the TV, flipping past the younger kids’ shows (Barney? Why did he ever watch that? So not cool!) until he got to the Punky Kids. Dad stayed on the couch next to him and kept his hand on Sam’s shoulder. Sam thought about pushing it off, but maybe Dad was feeling lonely… yeah, he’d let Dad leave it there. It wasn’t ‘cause he needed comfort or anything stupid like that. It was for Dad’s own good.
~
The first time Sam heard the word was when he was ten. Jimmy Rowan called Marvin Francis the word on the playground and the two boys got into a fist fight. The teacher on duty at recess had heard and seen what was going on, broke up the fight and then yelled at Jimmy for using the word. She then told everybody that if she heard any of them using it again, she would take them to the principal’s office.
Sam was quiet in the car on the way home, wondering if he should ask his dad what the word meant. His dad noticed, because he asked Sam why he was being so quiet.
“Nothing, just thinking.”
“About what?”
“Stuff at school?”
“Wanna tell me what?”
“Don’t know yet.”
“You aren’t in trouble, are you?”
“No, not me.”
When they’d gotten into the house (his dad had moved into it a few months ago; it had a nice big backyard and his dad had said that they might get a real puppy to keep Rowdy company), Dad had cut him up a snack, and he’d spread his homework out on the table in the kitchen while his dad started making dinner. And eventually…
“Dad? Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, what would you like to know?”
“One of the boys said a word today and Mrs. Robinson yelled at him and said it was a bad word. Can you tell me what it means?”
Dad leaned back against the counter and nodded at him. “What’s the word?”
“You won’t yell at me for saying it, will you?”
“Of course not. You’re just asking a question, you’re not using the word to hurt anybody. Now what did this boy say?”
“He… he told another boy, ‘you’re a… fag?’”
Dad had answered questions about bad words before, but this was the first time that his expression had looked like that. He sighed and put down the spatula he was holding. “I was hoping kids your age wouldn’t start using that word.”
“Is it really bad?”
“Well, let me try to explain. You know how I love you because you’re my kid, and Mom loves you too, and so does Uncle Dan and Aunt Elliot and Uncle Turk and Aunt Carla? And all your other relatives?”
“Uh-huh.”
“And you know that Jenny loves you because you’re her best friend? Hey, now don’t give me that look,” his dad said, grinning when Sam scrunched his face up. Ewww, Jenny didn’t love him! She was his friend! “Friends love each other as friends, and family members love each other as family members.”
“So?”
“Well, love between two people like Jenny’s parents, or like your Aunt Elliot and Uncle Dan; it’s different than a family member’s or a friend’s love. It’s called romance, and it happens when two people are attracted to each other and want to be together, and they go on dates, and sometimes they fall in love deeply and get married.”
“And then they do that thing you told me about to have babies?”
“Right…” Why did Dad look so uncomfortable? “So, well, a girl and a boy can love each other in that way. But sometimes, a boy and a boy or a girl and a girl love each other like that too.”
“Really?”
“Yep. And a boy can be attracted to another boy just like he can be attracted to a girl; it all depends on how he was born. It’s not a choice, but some people are very foolish and think it is. And they don’t think that boys can like boys and girls can like girls, so they try to tell people that it’s not natural. And that word that you said this boy used; that’s a word that someone would use to try and hurt people who are attracted to people of the same sex.”
“But that’s so stupid!”
“Hehe, well not everybody is as smart as you are to figure that out. And not every parent of your schoolmates believes the same thing that I do, and they’ll tell their kids differently. That’s why you have to be the bigger person and understand how mean that word is. Okay?”
“Okay!” Sam bit into a cracker and stared at his dad for a moment, thinking. “Dad, you like girls, right? You don’t love Mom now, but did you once?”
His dad was quiet for a while, which was weird because he didn’t think his dad ever stopped talking sometimes. “Well,” he finally said, “I did love your mom once. But I do like boys too.”
“But I thought you said a person either liked boys or girls…”
“Some people like both. It’s just who a person is; there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s like having brown hair or big feet; it’s a part of who you are and you shouldn’t try to change it. Does that make sense to you…?”
“Yeah, it does. Thanks, Dad!”
“No problem. Now finish your homework. Do you want to invite Jenny and Izzy over for dinner?”
“Oooo, really?”
“Yep.”
“Awesome!” Sam jumped down from the chair he was sitting on and raced over to the phone, then stopped when he thought of something. “Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you ever love a boy?”
His dad was facing the stove, and Sam noticed that he clenched a fist right after the question. He loosened it the next second though, and looked over at Sam with a smile.
“Once I did, but he didn’t love me back. Sometimes that happens too.” He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter though, because all that silly stuff could never be as important to me as you.”
“Daaad…”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. That was waaay too corny. Go call your friends already!”
Sam giggled and grabbed the phone, punching in the numbers for Jenny’s house. Maybe he’d ask her if she loved him. Heehee, that would totally gross her out! I’m gonna do it.
Next Chapter
X-Posted to scrubsfic and jd_cox