Fic: Pineapples on a Plane: Chapter 4
Title: Pineapples on a Plane
Chapter: 4/7
Author: nighthawkms (beta'd by candyflossrain and saavira
Genre: Action, Adventure, Crossover, Humor, Romance
Warnings: Slash, obscenity, slight crackiness
Pairing:(s) Shawn/Lassiter, hints of Gus/Juliet
Summary: After finding out that Juliet and Lassiter are taking a trip to Hawaii for a "seminar," Shawn and Gus decide to follow them, believing that the seminar is just a cover for something much more interesting. But after their plan goes awry, Shawn becomes a reluctant witness to the murder of a prosecutor. He, Gus, Lassiter, and Juliet take a flight home, but their ride is not what they expected. Now, they must work together to survive, and a few of them will reveal more than they thought they ever would in the process.
Disclaimer: Psych is the property of the USA network. I don't own it, I'm just playing in the 'verse!
Notes: My lovechild between Psych and Snakes on a Plane continues.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
The voices from downstairs grew fewer in number, and they heard the cabin door closing, and felt the plane begin to move. The blond-haired stewardess from before appeared on the staircase as Agent Flynn returned and settled into the seat to the left of Shawn’s. Shawn’s second attempt for the day to shoot the girl a flirty grin succeeded this time, and she smiled back.
“Hi everybody,” the girl waved perkily, stepping to the side of the stairs and looking over the group. “I’m Tiffany, one of your flight attendants. If you have any problems on the flight, feel free to come to me about them.
“We’re going to begin going over the safety regulations in a moment, so please listen up for the instructions.” She stepped to the side, bending over and rummaging behind a wall for a moment. This gave Shawn ample time to check out her ass; Juliet saw him watching and shot Gus a look. He rolled his eyes back at her; this was Shawn, what could they expect? Juliet then motioned with her eyes towards Lassiter, who was frowning at Shawn, and gave Gus a silent giggle, which he returned.
Tiffany stood after a moment, a seat cushion in her hand. There was a ping from the loudspeakers, and the pilots began to go over the safety guideline. As the group watched, Tiffany began to demonstrate what was being said, trying to keep her composure as Shawn made funny faces and tried his hardest to get her to laugh.
When the guidelines ended, she put the cushion away and walked over to him, leaning down slightly. “Sorry, sir,” she said, grin on her face. “I’m a professional; you’ll have to try harder than that.” She winked at him and turned, heading back down the staircase. Shawn watched her go, already thinking up ways to ‘try harder.’
“Spencer, could you try to act like an adult at least once in your life?” Lassiter was scowling at Shawn, and he returned it with a shrug.
“Aw, come on Lassi, what would be the fun of that?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe learning something that could save our lives?”
Shawn snorted. “Lassi-face, if we go down, I doubt tucking my head between my knees is going to save me from drowning in the ocean.”
Gus and Juliet had been laughing the entire time Shawn and Lassiter had been arguing, and now Lassiter shot them an annoyed look. “What’s gotten into you two?”
“Nothing, Carlton, nothing,” Juliet choked out, biting back tears. “Just an inside joke.”
~
“We’re now cruising at thirty thousand feet. Our destination of Los Angeles International Airport will be reached in approximately three hours. The seatbelt sign has been turned off. Please enjoy the flight.”
The intercom clicked off, and Shawn immediately unbuckled himself, standing up and stretching. “I’m gonna look around a bit if nobody minds.”
Every head in the cabin seemed to turn towards him. “Shawn, we have to keep track of you,” said Flynn, getting up. “You can’t just wander all over the place.”
Shawn sighed, rolling his eyes. “Can I at least stand at the bottom of the stairs to get a bit of a view?”
Flynn seemed to think for a moment, then slowly nodded. “Stay where I can see you, though,” he said, leaning against the side of the banister. Shawn gave a shrug and headed down the stairs.
“Carlton, your face is going to stay like that,” Juliet said quietly when Shawn had disappeared.
“Why can’t he just sit still for a few hours of his life?” Lassiter shot back, giving a huff. “What does he want, going down there? We’ve got all of first class; does he have to annoy everyone in coach to be satisfied?”
Juliet spared a glance over at Gus, and when she saw that he was engrossed in his iPod, she turned back to Lassiter. “Don’t be so hard on him,” she muttered. “You know what he’s going through. Probably just wants some alone time to think. Where’s the compassion you had last night?” she asked, giving him a smirk.
Lassiter stuttered in shock. “You, you heard that?”
“Neither of you know how to control the volume of your voices,” Juliet said, chuckling. “Also, I kind of stood behind the door and spied on you.” She grinned as he scowled and continued. “Just give him some breathing room. Let him have a little fun. And stop being so possessive.”
“I am not being possessive!” he hissed at her, dropping his voice when he noticed Sanders looking over at them. “How the hell do you get the idea that I’m being possessive?”
“You haven’t been less than five feet away from him since this morning.”
“None of us have!”
“Yeah, but none of the rest of us are actively trying to be that close, except for the agents, and that’s their job. It’s not your job to protect him, Carlton. This isn’t your territory. It is your job to calm down and relax so he can too.” She leaned back into her seat and opened her book, effectively ending the conversation.
Lassiter turned away, glaring down at the book in front of him, words blurring together on the page. He couldn’t concentrate; Juliet’s words kept playing through his head. Possessive? Possessive? What did she think she was talking about? He was never possessive of Shawn.
So what if he’d lost count of how many times he’d pinned Shawn against a wall to yell at him? So what if he actually felt a little proud now every time Shawn managed to solve a case? And it meant nothing that he’d purposefully hurried Shawn away from the pretty blond stewardess earlier. Shawn really had been holding up the line to get upstairs. At least, Lassiter thought he had been. Maybe.
Damn it, ever since Shawn Spencer had come into his life, it had been a lot more confusing.
~
Shawn sat on the bottom step of the spiral staircase, leaning forward a bit to glance into the coach area on his left. A few people were staring back; some were giving him glares, which he returned with friendly waves. Guess these are the people I screwed out of first class, he thought. Well, it was kind of dickish to do so, but Shawn had a feeling that if the people knew why he had done it, they might be more sympathetic. Except for that British guy giving him the evil eye.
He felt a presence next to him, and turned his head to see Tiffany squatting next to him. “Need anything?” she asked, giving him a smile. Shawn scooted over and patted the step, inviting her to join him. She glanced around, then sat down next to him, slipping off her high heels onto the plush carpet.
“Sorry, they’re new and I’m breaking them in,” she said, shrugging. “Takes time to adjust. So what did you do to get first class all to yourself? Are you really rich or something? Though so is Three G,” she said, motioning towards a dark-skinned passenger in coach who was decked out in a black suit and surrounded by two men who were obviously bodyguards, “and he’s pretty hard to surpass in fortune.”
“Nah, I wish I was that rich. I could buy a pineapple plantation or something. I actually kind of witnessed a murder, and I’m going to be testifying in LA.”
Tiffany gasped in amazement. “That’s so cool! Could you, I mean, do you mind if I ask what happened?”
Shawn proceeded to relate his story to Tiffany for the next fifteen minutes. He may have exaggerated a little bit; he hadn’t actually escaped the gunmen coming after him by leading them on a chase through the streets of the city. Still, Tiffany seemed to be pretty smart, and followed his story with a sense of humor, getting the gist of what had really happened.
“So is that dude up there like, your boyfriend?” she asked when he had finished. Shawn’s eyes widened in surprised, and he laughed.
“Who, Gus? Nah. We do run a business together and have had our share of gay moments, but it’s strictly a platonic relationship.”
“Is Gus the guy who was scowling earlier?”
“What? No, that’s Lassi-face.”
“Oh, that’s who I was talking about.”
Shawn snorted this time, pinching the bridge of his nose as tears of laughter leaked out. “Lassi-face? My boyfriend? Lassiter would rather eat glass than have that type of thing with me.”
“Are you sure? Cause he seemed really mad when you were flirting with me earlier.” She grinned when he raised an eyebrow. “Don’t think I didn’t see what you were up to. But yeah, I think I didn’t laugh because I didn’t want his eyes to bulge any more than they were.”
“Eh, he’s harmless,” Shawn said, leaning back slightly. “Give him some Scooby Snacks and he’ll wag his tail and curl up in a ball.” An image of Lassiter’s head on a border collie’s body suddenly popped into his head, and he had to suppress the urge to burst out laughing.
Tiffany giggled at his comment, and nodded. “Good, I wouldn’t want to piss him off if he was your boyfriend. He seems…”
“Uptight? Stubborn? Scarily serious?”
“No,” she said, laughing. “I was gonna say protective.”
Shawn blinked in surprise. Lassi-face, protective of him? Though after the whole talk last night, did it really seem that weird?
“Speaking of boyfriends,” Shawn said, deciding to shake off the slight lurch of his stomach by changing the subject, “do you have one?”
“Oh, uh, yeah,” she said, blushing slightly. “I’m actually flying back to meet him; we’re moving in together. Your flirting was really sweet though,” she said, seeing his face droop slightly. “It made me feel really nice, especially after that jackass in 5C made me feel so crummy.”
“Well, it was my pleasure to raise the spirits of such a lovely woman,” he said, giving a little bow of his chest and waving his hand. “Glad to be of service.”
“Oooo, I shouldn’t have sat here so long, I’m supposed to be helping out!” she gasped suddenly, standing up and slipping her shoes back on. “Um, sorry, I have to go.” Shawn gave her a nod of reassurance, and she smiled at him before moving back into coach.
Shawn lay back on the steps, glancing up to see Agent Flynn staring down at him. He gave the man a thumbs-down sign, and Flynn sent him an oh well shrug back. Shawn sighed, fingering the carpet of the steps with his hand.
Tough luck about the stewardess. He supposed that once in a while he had to meet a flight attendant who wasn’t a bachelorette (or bachelor). And since he didn’t really feel like hitting up the blond steward he’d seen earlier (though he wouldn’t have to worry about the ‘gay or no?’ question; that he was sure of), he didn’t have a reason to be down here. So he jumped up, preparing to head back up the stairs.
Suddenly, the lights flickered, and Shawn felt the plane jerk ever so slightly. The lights were already dimmed in coach, and a few people who had been sleeping woke up, looking around in a confused manner. Turbulance?, Shawn thought. And then the oxygen mask compartments opened.
What Shawn saw next, he would’ve never believed had he not seen it with his own eyes. The oxygen masks popped out, but they weren’t the only things that fell from the compartment. Wrapped around the masks, and now, Shawn could see, crawling under the seats, were tens, maybe hundreds, of… snakes.
Next
X-posted to shawn_lassiter psych_slash and psychfiction
Chapter: 4/7
Author: nighthawkms (beta'd by candyflossrain and saavira
Genre: Action, Adventure, Crossover, Humor, Romance
Warnings: Slash, obscenity, slight crackiness
Pairing:(s) Shawn/Lassiter, hints of Gus/Juliet
Summary: After finding out that Juliet and Lassiter are taking a trip to Hawaii for a "seminar," Shawn and Gus decide to follow them, believing that the seminar is just a cover for something much more interesting. But after their plan goes awry, Shawn becomes a reluctant witness to the murder of a prosecutor. He, Gus, Lassiter, and Juliet take a flight home, but their ride is not what they expected. Now, they must work together to survive, and a few of them will reveal more than they thought they ever would in the process.
Disclaimer: Psych is the property of the USA network. I don't own it, I'm just playing in the 'verse!
Notes: My lovechild between Psych and Snakes on a Plane continues.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
The voices from downstairs grew fewer in number, and they heard the cabin door closing, and felt the plane begin to move. The blond-haired stewardess from before appeared on the staircase as Agent Flynn returned and settled into the seat to the left of Shawn’s. Shawn’s second attempt for the day to shoot the girl a flirty grin succeeded this time, and she smiled back.
“Hi everybody,” the girl waved perkily, stepping to the side of the stairs and looking over the group. “I’m Tiffany, one of your flight attendants. If you have any problems on the flight, feel free to come to me about them.
“We’re going to begin going over the safety regulations in a moment, so please listen up for the instructions.” She stepped to the side, bending over and rummaging behind a wall for a moment. This gave Shawn ample time to check out her ass; Juliet saw him watching and shot Gus a look. He rolled his eyes back at her; this was Shawn, what could they expect? Juliet then motioned with her eyes towards Lassiter, who was frowning at Shawn, and gave Gus a silent giggle, which he returned.
Tiffany stood after a moment, a seat cushion in her hand. There was a ping from the loudspeakers, and the pilots began to go over the safety guideline. As the group watched, Tiffany began to demonstrate what was being said, trying to keep her composure as Shawn made funny faces and tried his hardest to get her to laugh.
When the guidelines ended, she put the cushion away and walked over to him, leaning down slightly. “Sorry, sir,” she said, grin on her face. “I’m a professional; you’ll have to try harder than that.” She winked at him and turned, heading back down the staircase. Shawn watched her go, already thinking up ways to ‘try harder.’
“Spencer, could you try to act like an adult at least once in your life?” Lassiter was scowling at Shawn, and he returned it with a shrug.
“Aw, come on Lassi, what would be the fun of that?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe learning something that could save our lives?”
Shawn snorted. “Lassi-face, if we go down, I doubt tucking my head between my knees is going to save me from drowning in the ocean.”
Gus and Juliet had been laughing the entire time Shawn and Lassiter had been arguing, and now Lassiter shot them an annoyed look. “What’s gotten into you two?”
“Nothing, Carlton, nothing,” Juliet choked out, biting back tears. “Just an inside joke.”
~
“We’re now cruising at thirty thousand feet. Our destination of Los Angeles International Airport will be reached in approximately three hours. The seatbelt sign has been turned off. Please enjoy the flight.”
The intercom clicked off, and Shawn immediately unbuckled himself, standing up and stretching. “I’m gonna look around a bit if nobody minds.”
Every head in the cabin seemed to turn towards him. “Shawn, we have to keep track of you,” said Flynn, getting up. “You can’t just wander all over the place.”
Shawn sighed, rolling his eyes. “Can I at least stand at the bottom of the stairs to get a bit of a view?”
Flynn seemed to think for a moment, then slowly nodded. “Stay where I can see you, though,” he said, leaning against the side of the banister. Shawn gave a shrug and headed down the stairs.
“Carlton, your face is going to stay like that,” Juliet said quietly when Shawn had disappeared.
“Why can’t he just sit still for a few hours of his life?” Lassiter shot back, giving a huff. “What does he want, going down there? We’ve got all of first class; does he have to annoy everyone in coach to be satisfied?”
Juliet spared a glance over at Gus, and when she saw that he was engrossed in his iPod, she turned back to Lassiter. “Don’t be so hard on him,” she muttered. “You know what he’s going through. Probably just wants some alone time to think. Where’s the compassion you had last night?” she asked, giving him a smirk.
Lassiter stuttered in shock. “You, you heard that?”
“Neither of you know how to control the volume of your voices,” Juliet said, chuckling. “Also, I kind of stood behind the door and spied on you.” She grinned as he scowled and continued. “Just give him some breathing room. Let him have a little fun. And stop being so possessive.”
“I am not being possessive!” he hissed at her, dropping his voice when he noticed Sanders looking over at them. “How the hell do you get the idea that I’m being possessive?”
“You haven’t been less than five feet away from him since this morning.”
“None of us have!”
“Yeah, but none of the rest of us are actively trying to be that close, except for the agents, and that’s their job. It’s not your job to protect him, Carlton. This isn’t your territory. It is your job to calm down and relax so he can too.” She leaned back into her seat and opened her book, effectively ending the conversation.
Lassiter turned away, glaring down at the book in front of him, words blurring together on the page. He couldn’t concentrate; Juliet’s words kept playing through his head. Possessive? Possessive? What did she think she was talking about? He was never possessive of Shawn.
So what if he’d lost count of how many times he’d pinned Shawn against a wall to yell at him? So what if he actually felt a little proud now every time Shawn managed to solve a case? And it meant nothing that he’d purposefully hurried Shawn away from the pretty blond stewardess earlier. Shawn really had been holding up the line to get upstairs. At least, Lassiter thought he had been. Maybe.
Damn it, ever since Shawn Spencer had come into his life, it had been a lot more confusing.
~
Shawn sat on the bottom step of the spiral staircase, leaning forward a bit to glance into the coach area on his left. A few people were staring back; some were giving him glares, which he returned with friendly waves. Guess these are the people I screwed out of first class, he thought. Well, it was kind of dickish to do so, but Shawn had a feeling that if the people knew why he had done it, they might be more sympathetic. Except for that British guy giving him the evil eye.
He felt a presence next to him, and turned his head to see Tiffany squatting next to him. “Need anything?” she asked, giving him a smile. Shawn scooted over and patted the step, inviting her to join him. She glanced around, then sat down next to him, slipping off her high heels onto the plush carpet.
“Sorry, they’re new and I’m breaking them in,” she said, shrugging. “Takes time to adjust. So what did you do to get first class all to yourself? Are you really rich or something? Though so is Three G,” she said, motioning towards a dark-skinned passenger in coach who was decked out in a black suit and surrounded by two men who were obviously bodyguards, “and he’s pretty hard to surpass in fortune.”
“Nah, I wish I was that rich. I could buy a pineapple plantation or something. I actually kind of witnessed a murder, and I’m going to be testifying in LA.”
Tiffany gasped in amazement. “That’s so cool! Could you, I mean, do you mind if I ask what happened?”
Shawn proceeded to relate his story to Tiffany for the next fifteen minutes. He may have exaggerated a little bit; he hadn’t actually escaped the gunmen coming after him by leading them on a chase through the streets of the city. Still, Tiffany seemed to be pretty smart, and followed his story with a sense of humor, getting the gist of what had really happened.
“So is that dude up there like, your boyfriend?” she asked when he had finished. Shawn’s eyes widened in surprised, and he laughed.
“Who, Gus? Nah. We do run a business together and have had our share of gay moments, but it’s strictly a platonic relationship.”
“Is Gus the guy who was scowling earlier?”
“What? No, that’s Lassi-face.”
“Oh, that’s who I was talking about.”
Shawn snorted this time, pinching the bridge of his nose as tears of laughter leaked out. “Lassi-face? My boyfriend? Lassiter would rather eat glass than have that type of thing with me.”
“Are you sure? Cause he seemed really mad when you were flirting with me earlier.” She grinned when he raised an eyebrow. “Don’t think I didn’t see what you were up to. But yeah, I think I didn’t laugh because I didn’t want his eyes to bulge any more than they were.”
“Eh, he’s harmless,” Shawn said, leaning back slightly. “Give him some Scooby Snacks and he’ll wag his tail and curl up in a ball.” An image of Lassiter’s head on a border collie’s body suddenly popped into his head, and he had to suppress the urge to burst out laughing.
Tiffany giggled at his comment, and nodded. “Good, I wouldn’t want to piss him off if he was your boyfriend. He seems…”
“Uptight? Stubborn? Scarily serious?”
“No,” she said, laughing. “I was gonna say protective.”
Shawn blinked in surprise. Lassi-face, protective of him? Though after the whole talk last night, did it really seem that weird?
“Speaking of boyfriends,” Shawn said, deciding to shake off the slight lurch of his stomach by changing the subject, “do you have one?”
“Oh, uh, yeah,” she said, blushing slightly. “I’m actually flying back to meet him; we’re moving in together. Your flirting was really sweet though,” she said, seeing his face droop slightly. “It made me feel really nice, especially after that jackass in 5C made me feel so crummy.”
“Well, it was my pleasure to raise the spirits of such a lovely woman,” he said, giving a little bow of his chest and waving his hand. “Glad to be of service.”
“Oooo, I shouldn’t have sat here so long, I’m supposed to be helping out!” she gasped suddenly, standing up and slipping her shoes back on. “Um, sorry, I have to go.” Shawn gave her a nod of reassurance, and she smiled at him before moving back into coach.
Shawn lay back on the steps, glancing up to see Agent Flynn staring down at him. He gave the man a thumbs-down sign, and Flynn sent him an oh well shrug back. Shawn sighed, fingering the carpet of the steps with his hand.
Tough luck about the stewardess. He supposed that once in a while he had to meet a flight attendant who wasn’t a bachelorette (or bachelor). And since he didn’t really feel like hitting up the blond steward he’d seen earlier (though he wouldn’t have to worry about the ‘gay or no?’ question; that he was sure of), he didn’t have a reason to be down here. So he jumped up, preparing to head back up the stairs.
Suddenly, the lights flickered, and Shawn felt the plane jerk ever so slightly. The lights were already dimmed in coach, and a few people who had been sleeping woke up, looking around in a confused manner. Turbulance?, Shawn thought. And then the oxygen mask compartments opened.
What Shawn saw next, he would’ve never believed had he not seen it with his own eyes. The oxygen masks popped out, but they weren’t the only things that fell from the compartment. Wrapped around the masks, and now, Shawn could see, crawling under the seats, were tens, maybe hundreds, of… snakes.
Next
X-posted to shawn_lassiter psych_slash and psychfiction