Journeys (2b/5)
Title: Journeys (Table of Contents)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize is mine. I gain nothing of material value from this.
Part I a b Part II a
...x...
"You were exiled," Daniel said when he'd finally figured it out.
"Ah-ha," Oma said.
"You weren't on Kheb because you chose it--the Others exiled you to a planet where they thought you'd find the least life to interfere with. They give you as little opportunity as possible to do anything, but then they turn away and you have practically free rein there."
They were on Oma's turf this time: her temple at Kheb. When Daniel concentrated, for the first time, he could see glimpses of light--barely visible, and gone as soon as he tried to look at them. Other Ascended beings, but not the Others of whom Oma spoke with such warning. Her students, maybe--her allies.
So did that make the Others Oma's enemies? And did that make him their enemy?
"I'd just started to understand Tau'ri politics," Daniel commented. "I didn't expect to find factions among Ascended beings. And this time, I'm not even sure who the enemies are."
"No, not enemies," Oma said, looking contemplatively into her pond. She sat, folding her legs under herself and smoothing the folds on her white robe as if searching for the best way to answer. "Neither we nor the Others are one body with one mind. No two Ascended beings are in complete agreement about what our purpose is and what our role is on the lower planes."
Still, he noticed, she said 'we' and 'the Others.' There were factions here, and while she said they weren't enemies, he had had enough experience with politics that he doubted the groups were entirely friendly, either.
Daniel sat down next to her by the water's edge, noting with interest that, in Oma's domain, he wore the simple, pure-white garb of her students--she saw him as one of hers. While part of him couldn't help feeling some apprehension, because he didn't know all that entailed, it was comforting, too, to have a patron while he was still trying to understand this new existence.
"And you disagreed with the Others on something," he said. "Yes? Some rule, or some incident."
She was filling a thin vase with water from the pond and didn't answer for several moments. Only when she had replaced a wilting willow branch in the vase and set it down did she say, "Yes, Daniel. But it is less simple than that. I do not oppose the Others' essential philosophy; it is in the details that disagreements arise."
"Same ideals but different methods?"
"In a manner of speaking," she said.
Sighing, Daniel said, "Could you be a little more vague?"
Oma turned to face him and looked positively wicked.
"No, uh, I was being sarcastic," he said quickly.
For a moment, he thought she was going to laugh in actual amusement, but she settled on a fond smile. As much as she tried his patience--and as much as he surely tried hers back--he took it as a victory that he could make her almost-laugh even while she was being particularly serene.
Not for the first time, he wondered why Oma had decided to help him to Ascension: some logic? Coincidence? A measure of affection for Daniel himself?
He opened his mouth to speak but faltered when Oma suddenly closed her eyes, grimacing as if in pain. "Um...Oma?" he said, worried, not sure whether (or how) one could be hurt while Ascended.
But she only shook her head and gave him a feeble smile without meeting his eyes. "There was a Jaffa I have been watching," she said. "Steadfast in her quest to find Kheb. And near death."
Oh, Daniel thought. "You offered to help her Ascend," he said.
"Her doubt was too strong," Oma said sadly. "Not doubt in herself, like you felt, like so many people feel; in the end, she could not believe strongly enough in this path. The greatest violence the Goa'uld do is not to the body, but to the soul."
"Was...was she--"
"No one you knew, Daniel," she said. "Just a very brave Jaffa."
He looked down at the lake in shame, because that was what he had been thinking, but it shouldn't matter at all that he hadn't known her. Oma hadn't known her, either, but felt the pain of her passing nonetheless. "You're a better person than I am, Oma," he confessed.
Oma gave him an odd look. "I wouldn't be so sure," she said. "I do what I can. So have you done."
"So...this is what you do," Daniel said. "You show people the path to Ascension. You were at Kheb--that's why the Jaffa believe they can find enlightenment there. You are the basis of the ancient Jaffa beliefs."
"Not all their beliefs," she said. "But that particular one in that particular form...yes. Their minds fill in the rest, as with any religion."
"You started to do it with me. And you prepared Shifu for it, and..." He looked around again. "There are other people here. They're all ones you've Ascended?"
"They are ones...to whom I have shown the path," she said carefully. "Ascension happens neither without consent nor without will."
"Meaning that it's supposed to be an intransitive verb, not a transitive one," Daniel said. "You didn't Ascend these people; they Ascended with your help."
She glanced at him. "I suppose you could say that. I encouraged them, nothing more."
"You're pretty defensive about it," Daniel commented, thinking that he understood now. Oma only gave him a sideways look. "That's the rule you're breaking, isn't it? You're not supposed to help people Ascend at all. You do it anyway--you go far enough for the Others to disapprove, but not far enough for them to stop you outright."
"It is considered a very important rule," she said in confirmation. "To some, it is the most important rule of all."
"Oh," Daniel said.
"Yes--'oh,'" Oma said.
"But you do it anyway," he said.
She nodded. "I have to do what I can," she repeated.
"But the Others don't like it."
"No."
"It's a stupid rule," he said.
"It's in place for a reason," she told him. "You cannot always choose which rules you do and do not follow."
He stood up. "I have to think about this," he said. "Maybe I'll understand better if I know more about the history and...and the context in which Ascended beings do or don't act."
Oma gave him a smile. "And to think I tried so hard at first to make you simply contemplate. I should have started with the room full of books."
The only thing Daniel could think in response was that Jack would have known better than to try to give him an order to shut up and expect it to be obeyed so easily. Sam would have known to start with the books--she'd known that instinctively when they'd first met. Teal'c would have known that nothing quieted Daniel better than hearing something that warranted further thinking. Oma could see his soul and still didn't know him as well as a handful of mortals did.
That wasn't fair, though. He had been thinking that SG-1 would be unreasonable in looking for his replacement, but Daniel was still looking for his friends, too, in the moments when he didn't stop the thought in time.
XXXXX
Jacob returned to Earth just after Teal'c exposed the rebel Jaffa leader, Kytano, as the minor Goa'uld Imhotep. Daniel stood in the infirmary until he could be sure that Teal'c would recover without permanent injury, then trailed behind the others into the briefing room.
"We found the remaining Tok'ra reassembling on one of our secondary bases," Jacob said. "A high-ranking operative, Malek, has taken command. Selmak left as much of his memories with me as he could--fortunately, that includes access codes and 'gate addresses."
"We're glad to hear that," General Hammond said.
Jacob dipped his head. In a tight, very controlled voice, Lantash said, "How is Martouf?"
"Not well," Sam said, equally controlled, polite, "but not in immediate danger of dying. His mind wanders when he's awake--he seems confused that he can't find you, Lantash. We've explained, but he never seems to remember...you know...what happened."
There was a brief moment, in which Jacob's eyes glowed brightly, twice, and Daniel could almost see the two of them fighting for control, even as they tried not to fight because it wasn't the way of the Tok'ra. Finally, though his hands remained fisted on the table, Jacob surfaced to say calmly, "George, we have to go back to help the Tok'ra soon--they need all the manpower they can get. But would you mind if we stayed for a day or two?"
General Hammond shook his head. "Of course not. Your old room is still empty, Lantash--you remember your way around this base?"
Lantash resurfaced. "I do, sir," he said, and, with a bow, they left the room. Sam looked at the table and sighed.
XXXXX
"I have a question," Daniel said.
"I am shocked," Oma said.
He rolled his eyes. "I was wondering about how you go about helping people Ascend."
"Really?" she said, a little suspicious. "Why?"
"Well, first of all," he said, holding up the latest book he had been reading. "Some of these pages are blank."
"Hm," she said, glancing at it. "Says a lot for you, doesn't it, when your mind conjures up blank books when it's looking for knowledge."
"Why are you more sarcastic when you come to me than you are when I go to you?" he said.
That was a mistake. He should have learned by now never to expect a straight answer from Oma, and certainly never to provoke her, even a little. When one perturbed Mother Nature, she perturbed one right back. "You see what you expect to see," she said, "and hear what you expect to hear. Are you used to arguing with someone else in this room?" She gestured around at the archaeology office that Daniel's mind had built around them.
For crying out loud, Daniel thought, and firmly did not wish Jack would walk through the door with a sarcastic comment and roll his eyes and take the book away. Clearing his throat, he said aloud, "So. About, uh...Ascending people."
"Why are you so interested in that?" she asked.
"I'm just curious," he said. "I'm not going to go Ascend large populations of people, Oma. It'd just be nice to have an idea of...well, the mechanics. How things work up here." Oma's answer was to fold her arms. "Anyway..." he continued. "Why are the pages blank? Is it a secret?"
"Should it be kept a secret from you?" she retorted.
"Oh," Daniel said, understanding now. "So...this is like the compiled knowledge of all the Others, and some of it's blank because the Others don't want me to know?"
She shrugged. "Can you blame them?"
"I wouldn't do anything," he lied.
"Liar," she said. "You would have already if you'd known how to."
Daniel sighed. "Probably," he conceded. "I have another question. The Others don't want people Ascending other--sorry, encouraging people to Ascend," he added when she looked about to correct him. "So they don't like it when you do it, but they can't stop you, right? Because you keep doing it, so they must not have the power to--"
"Oh, Daniel," Oma said, shaking her head. "You really don't understand. Do you think I'm the only Ascended who's ever wanted to help others reach this plane?"
"Um," he said. "Apparently the answer is 'no.'"
"But I'm the only one who does it, along with a very few of my disciples," she said.
"Because...everyone else is scared?" he said.
"Some, yes. Some others that I knew of are gone."
"Gone," Daniel repeated. "Like...gone? What do you mean by 'gone'?"
Oma raised her eyebrows at him. "Guess."
"Oh," he said. "Really? That's...oh."
He thought about Velona and Orlin again--Orlin, who had tried to help and whose punishment had been more people's suffering--and Oma, who had been exiled, if not for the same reason, then for similar intentions. Being scolded by General Hammond and put on probation for doing something stupid would seem like nothing compared to what Ascended beings could do to him.
"I don't think I like the Others very much," Daniel said, feeling small.
"Daniel," she said gently. "Don't think like that."
But he had never in his life--or afterlife--stopped thinking in some way just because someone told him to, so he asked, "What happens to someone who's Ascended and becomes...gone? The collective Others decide what kind of punishment fits the crime, and--"
"The punishment isn't meant to fit the crime," Oma said. "It's meant to prevent the offender from committing another crime."
Which was...a little unjust, Daniel felt, but probably practical. On the other hand... "They didn't do a very good job with you, then," he pointed out, "because...well, here I am, even though they probably wouldn't like me or my inclinations much."
"I've been warning you from the start," she said. "I do what I can because I must; I can't do more because they would stop me. We walk a fine line, Daniel. If you step wrong or too far, I'll stop you myself to spare you what the Others would do. Otherwise, they could stop my work for your missteps, and I won't allow that to happen."
"Well...okay," he said. "But why didn't you just tell me this before, about the Others and their consequences, instead of just giving me a list of rules?"
"I was foolish," she said. "For some reason, I thought there was a slight chance you would simply follow the rules like most."
Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, he said, "You really thought that would work?"
"I know blind faith isn't your way, Daniel," she said.
"It's my job to question," he said.
"It's your nature," she agreed. "I just thought you might have a little more...respect for the native culture when you first found yourself in this new environment."
"Then," Daniel said, "you were trying to trick me into obeying. Or hiding the truth from me."
She considered for a moment, then said, "I guess I was."
Irritated, he asked, "I was going to find out, anyway. Why wouldn't you have wanted me to know what the Others are really like?"
Maybe it was because he felt so tiny under the weight of the Others' eyes and their judgment at the moment, but Oma Desala suddenly seemed much taller than he. He remembered that she wasn't just the person who insisted on annoying him and whom he insisted on annoying, or the person Daniel at once admired and couldn't understand at all. She was Mother Nature, who protected innocent children and dealt swift judgment with fire and lightning, and she had saved him from death.
"You have no idea what the Others are really like," she said, her voice low.
Daniel heard the danger in her tone but barreled on nonetheless. "I know they punish people for trying to help. Did you... Is this why you were so vague in the beginning, so I wouldn't know I was committing myself to this? To being like them?"
"This is exactly why I didn't tell you, you self-righteous child," she snapped. "How dare you judge our ways and claim to be more right than the thousands and thousands of Others who have seen the things that you still refuse to open your eyes to?"
Stung, Daniel said, "I can't...I don't know what it is I'm not seeing--what I'm expected to do."
"And until you can open your mind to that, you will never reach enlightenment. Until you stop blinding yourself to all the truths that I brought you here to see, you are guilty of judging the Others before you know them fully."
He swallowed hard, wary of the storm he could almost see behind her eyes.
"I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to jump to conclusions," Oma finished coolly. "As I knew you would--as you have. The Others have achieved great things, and if they are deeds that are too big for any one galaxy to see, that makes them no less important." She turned around. "When you can see that, you can ask me your questions again."
Suddenly afraid--and suddenly aware that it was Oma's aegis that had so far been his shield--Daniel said, "Wait--"
Oma stopped before she could step out of his cramped haven.
He cleared his throat. "Uh...I..." With every second that he couldn't think of what to say, he imagined her walking out and leaving him here. "I think maybe you shouldn't have picked me," he found himself saying.
She turned back, her expression softer, but she didn't move. "I stand by my actions," she said. "I promised you a new world, and I'll see that promise fulfilled...but you need to take the first step. Start by thinking about what I've said. Then, we will speak again."
"So you're not leaving?" he blurted.
"No, Daniel," she sighed. "I'm not leaving you. But I can't lead you by the hand the whole way--frankly, I'm not sure either of us would survive the experience if I tried."
Daniel smiled feebly.
"I will not push you," she said. "It took me far longer than this to adjust to my new existence when I first Ascended, so do not imagine that I don't understand your frustration. Find me when you're ready." And then she disappeared.
...x...
"Daniel," Shifu said.
"Hm?" Daniel answered without looking up.
"You cannot stay here forever. He who refuses to look up can never see the stars."
Daniel stared harder at a page he was reading that didn't make any sense. It wasn't the only one, and he'd thought that maybe he if just read a lot of them and fit them together, something would click into place. "I need to understand," he said. "I don't...I'm missing something, and I don't know even know what."
A small hand settled on top of Daniel's. He finally stopped and looked at Shifu, standing at his side and looking up at him with that solemn expression that didn't belong on any child but this one. "You are missing something," Shifu said. "But a man cannot see the water if he fears to near the shore."
"I'm not afraid," Daniel said, but he suspected he was lying.
"Then why have you not looked?"
"I've looked!"
Shifu tilted his head. "And if you look deep enough to see everything that is open to you now," he said, "it will mean you are no longer Dan'yel of Nagada on Abydos, or Daniel Jackson of SG-1 of the SGC. It is wonderful, but difficult, as well, to be something you have never known."
Daniel stared at the book he was reading. He deliberately threw it as hard as he could, just to remind himself that it didn't matter, because it wasn't a real book. With a laugh, he said, "I can't even put aside the simple comfort of turning pages."
"There is no harm in simple comforts," Shifu told him. "But you must remember that there is more beyond them. Let me show you. In these confines is knowledge; but you must see for yourself to understand." He took a step back but, instead of leaving, stood watching and waiting patiently.
Slowly, Daniel stood. "Okay," he said. "Um."
"I once placed great trust in you, my brother," Shifu said. "Will you do the same in me?"
"Well..." Daniel said, and he found that, of everyone here, including Oma, Shifu was the familiar face he trusted the most. "Of course."
For that, Shifu smiled and took him by the hand. "Then let me show you."
Daniel grasped the little hand in his own. His haven of books, walls, and doors disappeared around them, and the abruptness surprised him so much that he immediately pulled the illusion back.
"No--open your eyes," Shifu chided. "I will be here."
So Daniel took a breath, held onto Shifu, and let go.
XXXXX
The Others didn't see in people and rooms, or in planets and galaxies. They didn't see, exactly, but rather experienced in patterns. Paths crossed and diverged, life swelled and ebbed, and they were always surrounded by something--by matter, by energy, by each other, even though he didn't know who or what everyone else around him was.
The first time Daniel thought he had completely lost himself, because there was nothing between where he ended and everything else began, Shifu dragged him back to Kheb, retaking the form in which he usually manifested. "A sun throws away a small flame and does not know," he said as Daniel set his hand on a very solid tree, watching Shifu hold out a candle, "but a man is warmed."
Daniel smiled, remembering his first trip to Kheb, and lit the candle with a thought. "There's a saying on Earth about seeing a forest or its trees," he said, playing idly with the candle's flame and feeding it until he thought he could almost feel physical heat on his skin. "It's all about scale. You can't forget the big picture for the pieces, but the pieces matter, too."
"So Oma teaches," Shifu said, nodding.
"She would," Daniel said. Beyond this was more than could be seen from where one stood on the ground, but Oma's work was for those people who would be warmed by a tiny candle's flame and could not be ignored just because they were small. He took the candle completely and pulled until it crumbled and joined the matter around them. "Can we go again?" he said, bracing himself, at once apprehensive of everything and exhilarated by it.
Shifu nodded to him and gestured away. "Go. I will follow."
XXXXX
It took time for Daniel to be able to understand how everything fit together when he immersed himself into the planes all at once, and even then, he knew he was still only barely grasping what was out there. When Shifu declared him able to continue on his own and Oma was nowhere to be found, Daniel resisted the urge to return to his library and instead dove back down into the lower plane, watching not the SGC or Abydos but rather their enemies.
Anubis was on a hatak that was advanced beyond anything even Apophis had had. Intrigued, Daniel scanned through the corridors, trying to see what was happening here. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at first--there were Jaffa everywhere, of course, standing guard or working on something else. The flow of power through the ship led him down into the engine room. Experimentally, Daniel slipped into the crystal panels' depths so he could watch and literally feel how everything worked. Sam would have loved this.
And then, when he slipped back out, he found Anubis.
Daniel tried to get his first glimpse of the Goa'uld who had indirectly caused his death. He saw a black, cloaked figure standing in the peltak, and--
Anubis turned around and faced him.
Surprised, Daniel flinched back. A look around showed that the Jaffa didn't see anything. Reminding himself that he was incorporeal and there was no way Anubis could actually see him, he carefully walked closer and tried to see inside the cavernous hood Anubis wore over his face.
Suddenly, Anubis laughed.
Not sure what was happening, Daniel backed away and slipped out again.
...x...
"Having fun?" Oma asked when she found him following the tail of a comet, mesmerized by the second tail that streamed along beside him.
Daniel let himself mingle in the flowing sea of heat and energy and imagined he was grabbing onto the rock as it sped through space. "I feel like I'm flying," he said, fascinated.
She laughed. "What is it to fly if nothing holds you to the ground?"
He rolled his eyes obligingly, then gathered himself and reluctantly let the comet slip past him. "It's easy to get lost here," he said. "And I know, I know--he who is truly one with the world cannot be lost within it."
"You said it, not me," she told him.
With a sigh, Daniel turned back around to the SGC. No matter what he did or where he was, his gaze was always drawn back there. "Do you ever worry you'll forget?" he asked. "What if I lose sight of where I came from, now that there's so much more?"
"You have barely even stepped away from it," Oma answered. "Trust me, Daniel--forgetting where you came from is not your biggest worry. And I promise that I will not condemn you to an existence of doing nothing at all; you simply need to learn some control before we begin."
XXXXX
More than a month had passed since Daniel had not-died. Oma gave him an odd, exasperated look when he said that.
"I'm not still thinking in terms of their time," he said. "It's just...I was watching them, and I couldn't help but notice how much time has passed for them. Earth almost got hit by an asteroid, the Jaffa rebellion almost got slaughtered and then got saved by a System Lord, and my friends discovered and destroyed the origin of the Replicators."
That last one had been rather violent, actually. The girl--Reese--had had a mind and a name, and Jack had barely needed more than a single glance at a Replicator before shooting her point-blank. Daniel tried not to be disappointed in Jack, or even in Nyan for being too afraid to speak up against it.
Oma continued walking along the edge of the pond at her temple. "Time continues passing for us all," she said. "Be happy for them, that they are not crippled by your loss."
"They wouldn't've been," Daniel defended, following her. "And I am happy they're okay. Oma, about the Others, I...I think I understand. A little. I've been trying to see things like they would."
"You've been wandering around more recently," she said, nodding. "You don't confine yourself to your room of books like you used to."
"It's still overwhelming," he admitted.
"That's understandable," she assured him. "In time, it will no longer seem frightening, or even unusual, to leave what you know and to experience everything else. Instead, it will be--"
"Amazing," Daniel finished. "I've never been able to... I never would have thought it possible to see so much all at once and understand where everything fits into everything else. It's like...every path..."
He trailed off, turning his eyes away from where Oma stood guard over Kheb. As he spoke, he could feel anew the wash of elation that had struck him the first time he had dared to slip through planes and across universes, seeing everything and everyone and knowing why. There was a path for each choice, and each one led to a future that seemed just as real as the present, and Daniel wondered if they were as real but in an alternate reality or on another plane...
Oma was smiling faintly at him.
"Is that what you see all the time?" Daniel asked, pulling back into her serene garden. The notion was awesome and, if he was honest, a little frightening, too. He hadn't thought he could ever feel so apprehensive about feeling so big.
"With time, you will learn to see exactly what you seek, not everything all at once--unless that is what you want," Oma promised.
"Everything's just jumbled together," he said. "I mean, it's incredible. But I can't see everything and still understand each part of it. And if I focus enough to see each part, I lose sight of the bigger picture."
She slowed her steps. "It becomes easier, to a point," she said after a moment. "But you can never have all of it at once. We have committed ourselves to guarding all we can see. We cannot see what threatens an entire galaxy or plane of existence if we look so closely at individuals that we forget there is more."
Daniel leaned on a railing and looked into her pond. "Shifu said something like that. The Others don't even look closer anymore, do they?"
"There are...more important things to do," she said. It was an odd thing for her to say, since he knew she didn't believe it, or at least not completely.
"Have there always been Ascended beings keeping existence from falling apart?" he asked. "I mean, it was fine before they got here--surely it'd be fine without them."
"Mm," she said. "Billions, trillions, uncountable numbers of people were fine before the SGC was formed--surely, they would be fine without the efforts of the Tau'ri. And yet the Tau'ri still try to save them."
"We--the SGC has saved a lot of people who would otherwise have died," he said.
"And the Others have healed rifts in many galaxies that would otherwise have collapsed," she replied. "They have, as a collective, helped many to Ascend. They have brought learning to more cultures than you can count."
"Well, there can't be that many rifts that need mending," Daniel said.
"There can't be that many individuals whose lives need saving," Oma returned, looking amused.
Maybe he really did just need to step back and look at a bigger picture. How many SGC personnel would have gone out of their way to save an anthill, after all, when they could do bigger things through the Stargate? It was hard to fault the Others for judging humans on the lower planes to be less important when humans did the same sort of thing all the time.
And yet...
Daniel studied Oma out of the corner of his eye as she watched fish chase each other through her pond. The difference, he thought, was that they had been human once--at least, it seemed that way from Oma and Shifu, and Orlin had said something like that to Sam. Perhaps one plane wasn't any more important than the others, but it was the plane from which they had come. Didn't it matter that it was their home?
Clearly, Oma thought it did.
"I can't just not do anything for my people," Daniel said. "I understand that the Others feel they need to limit what they do, but...I don't always agree with that."
"Ah," she said. "Well, that is a different matter."
He turned and looked at her directly. "You watch our plane as much as I do," he said. "You know what's happening there these days? Why I'm worried?"
She tilted her head. "It's only natural. While I wish for you to look ahead, I would not expect you to turn away from the past entirely. You worry for your friends."
But this time, he shook his head. "It's not just that. I worry that everything they could possibly do won't be enough. There's more at stake now than just them--more than just SG-1, or the SGC, or Earth and Abydos combined."
"Yes, there is," she said, but didn't elaborate. "I'm glad that you can see that."
Daniel sighed and looked at his feet for a long moment. "There's something else," he said finally. "I can tell that Anubis--that's the Goa'uld who--"
"I know who Anubis is."
"Well, he's different. Not right somehow."
Not looking surprised, she asked, "Do you know what it is that feels wrong to you?"
"I don't know," he said. "Something. It's not just that he's a Goa'uld and apparently stronger and smarter than the other System Lords. Something else."
"What?"
"I don't know," he repeated. "Actually, part of it is that I can't...see him like everyone else on the lower planes. It's like something's blocking him from me. I can't figure out what it is."
"You will," she said.
He felt the corner of his lips lift against his will. "Suddenly you have faith in me?"
Oma didn't smile back. "You will learn the truth," she repeated. "I won't be able to stop you."
Daniel watched her thoughtfully. "Is he more powerful than the Others? Is that it?"
"What is power?" she said. She pushed away from the railing. "I will not play a guessing game with you. You'll discover the answer in time. For now, you are to learn and to observe. When you have learned enough, you will find ways to help as you have always wanted to."
"There has to be something I can do now," Daniel said. "You do things."
Oma was watching her temple, where those vague glimpses of light showed that her other disciples were around here somewhere. "Be very careful," she finally said.
He perked up. "Are you giving me permission to--"
"I am reminding you," she said, "that you are not the only one who has ever tried to walk a path like this, and that there is a reason so few dare to try. You're smart, Daniel--find a way to act within the rules, and do nothing that would draw the Others' anger."
"Okay," he said. "I can do that."
"And remember," she said, facing him again, "that anything you do may be meddling in the lives of lowers. You know the dangers of thinking that you have the right to decide the fates of others simply because you can."
"I wouldn't," he said.
"You would if you thought it was right thing to do," she corrected. "And so you must step carefully and watch your own actions more closely than any other."
XXXXX
SG-1 met Jonas Quinn on Kelowna two months after Daniel's not-death. Jonas's enthusiasm was infectious, at least to Nyan--Daniel certainly didn't know many others who could stay that excited about meeting new people even while their own planet was fearing civil war. There was no such thing as too much caution when one's government was building a nuclear weapon.
"No, no," Jonas said dismissively when Sam suggested their nuclear bomb might not be very safe. "Thank you for your concern, but I'm sure you are being overcautious."
"Yeah, well, so were people on Earth," Jack said, "up until they started blowing people up with bombs. And we didn't even have this...naquadria stuff."
"It's for our own defense," Jonas said earnestly. He really believed it, Daniel could tell, and the worst part was that the Kelownan government seemed to believe it, too.
"It always is at first," Jack said, but he didn't look like he particularly cared.
Sometimes, especially when he was very tired and frustrated, Jack thought that if people were stupid enough to do stupid things, then that wasn't his problem. And then someone would remind him about the innocents who didn't have a choice in the stupidity, and then he'd yell at the people in charge, which usually didn't help. That was why he wasn't the only one on the team, though, and certainly not the one in charge of diplomacy.
Daniel waited for Nyan to speak up and tell Jack that. It seemed the rest of the team was waiting, too, because they didn't speak and glanced at him. Nyan didn't notice, though, and continued poring over the historical texts that Kelownan scholars had found.
It was a little painful to see Sam's face twist with annoyance at his silence before she turned away and said, "Sir, maybe Nyan and I could look at the work they've done here since the Stargate was discovered?"
"Yeah, all right," Jack said. "For what little it's worth if they won't listen."
Jonas seemed like a good person, though. Daniel thought he'd do the right thing, so he reluctantly withdrew.
...x...
It didn't take long for him to come back. Just to see, he told himself, not to interfere.
As it turned out, Jonas really thought they needed to build that weapon and didn't believe SG-1 when they told him it would end badly. To be fair, SG-1 couldn't know for certain just how badly it could go.
But Daniel knew, because years ago, when he'd been one of the junior personnel and had mostly gotten attached to Ferretti's team or a research team when safe missions came up, he had found writing about the late Goa'uld Thanos. The Kelownans knew almost nothing of the Goa'uld who had ruled them thousands of years ago; they didn't know they were about to repeat the mistakes that had killed not only most of the people on the planet at the time, but also Thanos himself. From the way Sam, Jack, and Teal'c frowned at the work, they probably suspected something would go wrong.
Not Jonas, though. The man was formal enough when talking to SG-1, as befitted someone tasked with escorting and liaising with foreigners. But he was young for someone holding a prestigious position in his government, and Nyan could relate to that from his experience in the Bedrosian Academy, so the two of them spent much of their time together on Kelowna, one's excitement fueling the other's.
"You get to do this all the time," Jonas said wistfully while Sam was looking at whatever part of Kelownan technology they let her see and Jack and Teal'c reluctantly followed her around. "I wish I could do that. I know my work here is important, but knowing how much more is out there..." He shook his head.
Nyan was quiet for a while and continued scanning over an old text Jonas was showing him. "I don't usually do this," he finally said.
Jonas grinned, the warm, friendly smile he so often wore. "Oh--are you new?"
"In a manner of speaking," Nyan said quietly, but he didn't go on. Jonas proved to be perceptive enough not to press him for more. "Anyway, I'm not very good at it."
"Of course you are," Jonas said encouragingly, but Daniel had been watching and knew what Nyan meant.
Nyan was competent, smart, and braver than he admitted, but his heart wasn't in it. He had other ambitions and didn't particularly want to be on the front lines, and one didn't join SG-1 if it wasn't what one lived for. SG-1 and its missions could become almost an obsession, but it had to be, because they couldn't afford to doubt or to hesitate--if SG-1 wasn't all they had, it meant they had other conflicting interests that could get in the way. Even Sam and Jack, who lived off-base on Earth, had little difficulties justifying their secrets to others because there weren't many others to hide their secrets from. It was how they worked best, and Nyan didn't fit that, no matter how much he tried to do his duty or carry on a friend's work.
"I'm not made for adventures," Nyan confided in his new friend, glancing over his shoulder, "and the others would agree. I think they would rather have their team without me."
"Oh." Jonas was quiet for a while. Then, he said, "Well, I still think it would be fun."
"It would be better than what you're doing now."
Jonas made a face. "You, too? All of you oppose our weapons research?"
Nyan turned to face him completely. "Do you really think a big enough weapon will do anything except kill a lot of people?"
Uneasiness passed across Jonas expression, but he said, "It's not about killing them; it's about preventing them from killing us. You don't understand what it's been like--"
"No?" Nyan interrupted. "My people were at war, too, since before I was born; I know what it is to live with that kind of fear. But think about what you're building and...and about what the only thing you can do with it is. A bomb can never be a shield."
"But the possibility of a bomb can be a shield," Jonas answered, clearly knowing this script well.
"If you believe that three governments looking for a war could have a naquadria bomb without using it, then you will be very disappointed," Nyan said, his voice holding an edge that rarely appeared in him. "I learned the hard way about world wars."
Jonas took a breath as if to answer, then fell silent. "We are only testing the technology now," he finally said. "In its final stages, we will be able to control every aspect of it."
Nyan sighed and went back to reading.
...x...
Nothing was ever certain about any future. From Daniel's vantage point, it was becoming increasingly easy to see the paths available at every juncture, to predict a future based on present factors the way one of Sam's computer models could predict an outcome with a certain degree of error. The problem was that, when there were factors Daniel couldn't know, the error margin became quite large. He could predict what SG-1 and even Nyan would most likely do in response to most things, because he knew them. Jonas, though, and the Kelownans... They were unknown variables.
While Jonas explained to Nyan how the Stargate had been discovered recently, Daniel bent over the text they had just been reading together, scanning through it to find...
There. That would catch Nyan's attention. Daniel found a pen on the table and, while the other two were still turned away, pushed it very slightly so that it left a faint line of ink over the word 'god'.
Finally, Nyan started to pick up his pen, then stopped, still looking at the text thoughtfully. "Jonas," he said, "Colonel O'Neill spoke to you about the Goa'uld, right?"
"Yes," Jonas said. "I'm starting to think that the god mentioned in these texts might have been one of them."
"Do you know his name?" Nyan asked.
"Thanos," Jonas said. "It's mentioned...just here."
"Think, Nyan," Daniel urged silently as his friend perused the text again, brow furrowed. "You've studied all the Goa'uld we know. You must recognize the name."
"Is something wrong?" Jonas asked.
Nyan chewed on his lower lip, and then--"I think we've heard of Thanos before."
Jonas perked up. "Really? Who was he?"
"We've only found brief mentions of him," Nyan said, thinking hard, "and even those were found before my time. I'm sure I could find the references, though. In fact, I can just call base tonight and ask Dan--"
He stopped, looking surprised at his slip. Daniel winced, well aware of how those moments could sneak up on a person when he wasn't thinking.
"Dan?" Jonas asked.
"Uh...n-never mind," Nyan stuttered. "Um. It should be in our records. From what I remember reading, Thanos tried to create something that apparently didn't end...very well..." He paused, looking alarmed, then stood up. "I'll find out what we have in our records."
Jonas was frowning in confusion, but then offered another small smile. "All right. Thank you."
...x...
Nyan called the SGC to ask about Thanos. They were still only partway done sorting through the mess of notes Daniel had left behind, but any mention of any Goa'uld was, according to protocol, noted in a central database. Daniel winced as he watched Cameron Balinsky sift through it for Nyan; there was only a single sentence in their records.
"Not very informative, I guess," Daniel said aloud while Cameron answered Nyan's question across the wormhole and promised to look again for the full report.
"Too bad Daniel wasn't more thorough," Cameron said into the control room microphone. "I'll keep looking, but I'll bet the original writing was shipped to some Area 51 archive."
"That's okay," Nyan answered from the other side. "Thanks, Cameron."
...x...
"I think Thanos did something terrible," Nyan told Jonas and the rest of SG-1 at once. "He...well, we don't know exactly, but the guess was that he was conducting an experiment on a form of altered naquadah and many people died."
He paused as the others seemed to think that over. "But we are not certain that the incidents are related," Teal'c said when no one else seemed to want to.
"You mean the naquadah experiments and the people dying?" Nyan said. "Well, no, but it's a little bit suspicious."
"You don't think... " Jonas said. "But our research couldn't possibly--"
"Your records show an explosion thousands of years ago," Nyan reminded him. "Many people died, around the time Thanos disappeared from your history. That can't be a coincidence."
"You're saying it's the same as what we're doing now?" Jonas said.
"It's certainly a good enough reason to slow down and take a second look at it," Sam said.
"You know," Jack added, "since you're the guy in charge of bomb-building ethics and all."
"I can speak to my superiors," Jonas said, "but there is little I can do without proof."
"If we're right, then this might only be a 'test,' but it could eventually endanger many, many more," Nyan insisted. "At least try to convince them to act with caution."
"I'll tell them about this," Jonas promised. "I can't promise anything."
"Jonas, can you give me the naquadria data you already have?" Sam said. "I'll review it on the SGC computers and see if we can help with improving safety protocols, if your government still wants to go on with it."
"Um...I really shouldn't--" Jonas started.
"People could die," Jack said, stabbing a finger into Jonas's sternum to cut off his words. "Maybe we can help you, but you have to get that test stopped or you'll be one of the ones responsible."
"Your own historical records support our suspicions," Nyan pointed out. "They may not be proof, but surely you can see they merit more study."
Jonas still seemed hesitant, but he nodded. "I'll speak with the ministers."
...x...
Governments in wartime were fascinating. Robert Rothman had made Daniel write a report on the subject once. The assignment had been meant mostly as an exercise in research and writing reports, but Daniel had found it very relevant to their work.
Jonas Quinn had to know all of that; he treated SG-1 with respect, but with just enough hesitation that he clearly felt as strongly about his nation's wartime secrecy as the rest of his government. For some reason, though, he seemed to be under the impression that things like reason and evidence would sway ministers' opinions at a time like this.
In fact, Jonas seemed surprised when he held up the SGC's notes and stood with his mouth half-open as First Minister Velis berated him for giving scientific data to outsiders like Sam.
"This borders on treason," Velis said.
"We cannot trust them," Commander Hale warned.
"But...there is evidence," Jonas insisted, shaking Daniel's reports at them even though they weren't hard evidence of anything but speculation. "I reviewed our own records, too, Minister, and I think they might be correct, after all. Besides, it does us no harm to investigate more carefully if this kind of destruction is truly a possibility. Why would they lie to us?"
"For our naquadria," Ambassador Dreylock suggested. "They have shown great interest in it. And do you not find it suspicious that they bring this...'evidence' to you just after they learned of our testing? Or that Major Carter's first thought was to ask for more data on our technology?"
"I didn't give them everything," Jonas said. "Only enough to make them see the value of naquadria--it could make them more willing to trade with us. Ambassador, you've seen their technology--it's far beyond ours. Major Carter can use that knowledge to help our people. If this test fails like they think it will, millions of our people could be hurt."
Despite agreeing, Daniel marveled that Jonas Quinn had even that much confidence in people who walked through wormholes and appeared in his country, and who were themselves a bit wary of full disclosure. Jack's first question in the same situation--maybe even Daniel's--would have been whether or not it was possible that the newcomers were allies or acquaintances of Kelowna's enemies.
For a moment, Daniel wondered if he had picked the right person. Jonas's eagerness, his loyalty to his nation, his desire to prove himself... They weren't necessarily flaws, but they could be exploited. Jonas might be lost to his government's paranoia, and then what Daniel had been hoping would happen would collapse.
"Millions?" Hale said. "This is only a small-scale test. Even if it were to go wrong, the destruction will be nowhere near that. Clearly, the SGC is misleading you."
Jonas' held up a book in his hands. "No, no--it's not only the immediate effects. This is information compiled by Earth's scientists on what would happen in the aftermath of a nuclear explosion, especially if their calculations are correct. Commander, I think there's enough data to warrant further investigation."
"You are one of our brightest, Jonas," Velis said. "Do you know for certain that what they say is true?"
Jonas hesitated. "Well...no," he said. "We have not seen these kinds of effects before, but they are within the realm of possibility. I do not believe the blast could be nearly as powerful as they suggest, but, if they are right--"
"No," Velis said decisively. "Thank you for bringing this information to our attention, but this test is too important--and the need too urgent--for a few foreigners' unfounded fears to interrupt."
"Sir," Jonas said carefully, "I've examined their data. They could be correct. With so many lives at stake, perhaps it...it would be wise--"
"Our country's freedom is at stake," Vale interrupted again. "We will proceed as planned, and we'll inform the guards that the SGC is no longer welcome here, if this is what they offer us."
"Oh--no," Jonas said. "Minister, don't you see how much the SGC can do for us? It's not only for the naquadria test--they can tell us how to use the Stargate. It's...it's limitless potential--"
"Was our position unclear to you, Jonas?" Velis interrupted.
Jonas ducked his head and frowned at the floor. "No. I understand," he said, bowing slightly. "Minister, please, just give me a few days first--let me speak with them again. Maybe I can learn more about them and their technology--if nothing else, I can learn whether they are lying and try to find more evidence of what they suspect."
They exchanged glances. Daniel wondered whether Jonas could tell how suspicious they were--or, if he could, whether he knew that suspicion was now aimed at him. In trying to remain neutral between Kelowna and the SGC, he had managed to make both sides question him.
"You have our permission, then," Velis finally said, his tone deceptively mild. Jonas brightened. "Go. We will give you and the SGC one more week."
"Thank you," Jonas said, and left.
Velis waited for the door to close behind Jonas, then turned to Commander Hale. "He will be watched," Hale assured him. "We should move the project somewhere else, where he cannot tamper with it."
"Do you really think Jonas Quinn would--" Dreylock started.
"We cannot be certain, now that he is conspiring with the outsiders," Hale interrupted. "Better to make sure he cannot interfere."
Daniel lingered nearby to listen to them talk and scheme and wished very, very hard he could do something more useful. He sighed and carefully resolved to stay away from any more nudging.
His resolve didn't last long.
Continued in Part IIc...