Fic: All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten (2/10)
Title: All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten
Chapter Two: Conner, Take One
*~*~*~*~*~*
Once they got back to the apartment, Clark called up Zatanna to see if she could come help him out with his, ahem, “little” problem, or at the very least confirm if it was in fact magical in origin or not. Zatanna said she was in the middle of some magic thing or other, she didn’t bother to explain and Clark didn’t ask when he knew he wouldn’t understand anyway, and tried to put him off until next week, but with some pleading and an agreement that he wouldn’t kick up a fuss if she could do anything to actually solve the problem until after she was done with her other business, he got her to promise she would stop by around five that evening.
After he hung up with her, he called in sick to work. Lex was refusing to go out in public , or anywhere at all really, until he was his proper age again and Clark couldn’t very well leave a five year old or Lex alone in his apartment unsupervised, so a five year old Lex was right out. Lex gave Clark a look that made it pretty clear that he didn’t think Clark’s lying had improved any over the years, but Perry believed him, so Clark just ignored Lex and his judgmental looks.
While Clark was on the phone, Lex took advantage of the opportunity to inspect every last thing in Clark’s apartment… that he could reach. Clark knew he should probably be mad at the massive invasion of privacy, but Lex dragging the kitchen chair across the floor so he could see up on the counter was just too cute. Clark kind of wanted to hug him or pat him on the head, though somehow Clark doubted that would go over well.
After he was finished on the phone, Clark checked the clock and decided there was enough time to make a full breakfast. So he put some bread in the toaster - the toast always burned when he tried to make it with heat vision - and threw some eggs and bacon on the stove. Clark fell into the easy and well-practiced rhythm of cooking, which allowed him to keep half an eye on Lex. Lex had vacated the kitchen with an offend glare when Clark had started on breakfast, as though he thought Clark’s cooking was a deliberate ploy to keep Lex from investigating his herbs and spices, and was now looking over Clark’s DVD collection like all of Clark’s secrets could be found within - it turned out that knowing the big secret had done very little to dim Lex’s desire to know everything there was to possible know about Clark Kent. That was why, that one paranoia and Brainiac-possessed-Kara induced incident that kicked off what Clark likes to privately think of as Lex’s legitimately crazy year (as opposed to his psuedo-crazy year, when Lex’s psychosis had actually been a drug induced ploy by Lionel) aside, Clark has never been worried about Lex actually trying to kill him. Because how could Lex possibly learn anything new about Clark if Clark was dead?
Fortunately for Clark’s continued delusions of the privacy of his own home, after a few minutes the smell of breakfast and an empty stomach proved a stronger lure for Lex, or at least Lex contending with the needs of a child’s body, than the prospect of continuing to examine every last inch of the apartment. So, Lex abandoned his persual of the various item spread out across the coffee table, and sat down at the kitchen table, looking as imperious as he ever had. The effect was a bit ruined by the way his feet were kicking back and forth in the air though.
A few minutes more, and the food was finished. Clark divided it up into two large portions and one small one and set the plates on the table, the small one in front of Lex. Almost on cue, Conner emerged from his room, fully dressed for school and with his backpack strapped over one shoulder.
“Morning Dad, thanks for cooking breakfast.” And without further preamble, or even bothering to sit down, he began shoveling the food into his mouth at super-speed.
Clark was used to such displays, Conner was even more perpetually late than Clark had been at his age, and just calmly took his seat and ate at normal speeds. Lex, however, started watching Conner’s spectacle with the sort of disgusted fascination that usually was reserved for people eating live bugs on reality TV. Of course, since Conner was eating at super-speed that meant it was over in a few seconds, and shortly Lex was looking at a completely empty place while Conner was at the sink rinsing off his dish. A few more seconds, likely so he could process what he had just seen and Lex turned to Clark to ask, “You actually let him eat like that?”
Clark was about to explain that he’d rather have Conner eat at super-speed than skip breakfast, and most mornings it really did end up coming down to one or the other, but he was interrupted when Conner actually paused in this whirlwind of grabbing homework and various textbooks from around the room and seemed to notice for the first time the presence of someone else in the room. “Who’s that?”
“It’s Lex,” Clark answered. “Something happened and now he’s five again.”
Conner nodded. “Makes sense.” It probably said something, something not good, about their lives that it was more likely that their breakfast guest was Clark’s de-aged arch-nemesis than a normal five year old, albeit a bald one with blue eyes that were far to piercing for anyone without x-ray vision, but Clark was pretty used to it by now. “So what happened,” Conner asked, “magic spell?”
“We don’t know, but yeah, I think so. Zatanna is stopping by later to have a look,” said Clark.
“Cool,” Conner said, and then he was off again, stuffing things in his backpack at speeds that couldn’t possibly be good for them.
Clark looked over at Lex to apologize for basically talking about him like he wasn’t there, but Lex appeared not to have noticed, completely captivated by the way Conner’s things slowly disappeared from around the room. It occurred to Clark that, for all that Lex was aware of the existence of people with powers, and had been for a long time, and regualry interacted with a fair number of those people, he probably hadn’t ever seen them used in such a casual and mundane way. Plus Clark rather suspect the whole being five thing was affecting Lex mentally more than he wanted to admit.
“By the way,” Conner said, suddenly standing with his hand on the front door. “Robin texted and Batman has some stuff he needs him to do today.” There was only about a 30% chance that Lex hadn’t already figured out Bruce and Tim’s identities, but Clark appreciated Conner’s discretion. “So the team’s going to meet tomorrow instead.”
“Sounds good,” said Clark. “I’m going to be home all day, so I’ll see you when you get out of school.”
“Okay, bye, Dad. Love you. Bye, Other Dad.”
Clark was able to shout out a quick “love you too,” and then Conner was gone on his way to school.
Lex blinked a few times. “What just happened, and why the hell did your clone-son just call me Other Dad?”
*~*~*~*~*~*
Next part is here.
Chapter Two: Conner, Take One
*~*~*~*~*~*
Once they got back to the apartment, Clark called up Zatanna to see if she could come help him out with his, ahem, “little” problem, or at the very least confirm if it was in fact magical in origin or not. Zatanna said she was in the middle of some magic thing or other, she didn’t bother to explain and Clark didn’t ask when he knew he wouldn’t understand anyway, and tried to put him off until next week, but with some pleading and an agreement that he wouldn’t kick up a fuss if she could do anything to actually solve the problem until after she was done with her other business, he got her to promise she would stop by around five that evening.
After he hung up with her, he called in sick to work. Lex was refusing to go out in public , or anywhere at all really, until he was his proper age again and Clark couldn’t very well leave a five year old or Lex alone in his apartment unsupervised, so a five year old Lex was right out. Lex gave Clark a look that made it pretty clear that he didn’t think Clark’s lying had improved any over the years, but Perry believed him, so Clark just ignored Lex and his judgmental looks.
While Clark was on the phone, Lex took advantage of the opportunity to inspect every last thing in Clark’s apartment… that he could reach. Clark knew he should probably be mad at the massive invasion of privacy, but Lex dragging the kitchen chair across the floor so he could see up on the counter was just too cute. Clark kind of wanted to hug him or pat him on the head, though somehow Clark doubted that would go over well.
After he was finished on the phone, Clark checked the clock and decided there was enough time to make a full breakfast. So he put some bread in the toaster - the toast always burned when he tried to make it with heat vision - and threw some eggs and bacon on the stove. Clark fell into the easy and well-practiced rhythm of cooking, which allowed him to keep half an eye on Lex. Lex had vacated the kitchen with an offend glare when Clark had started on breakfast, as though he thought Clark’s cooking was a deliberate ploy to keep Lex from investigating his herbs and spices, and was now looking over Clark’s DVD collection like all of Clark’s secrets could be found within - it turned out that knowing the big secret had done very little to dim Lex’s desire to know everything there was to possible know about Clark Kent. That was why, that one paranoia and Brainiac-possessed-Kara induced incident that kicked off what Clark likes to privately think of as Lex’s legitimately crazy year (as opposed to his psuedo-crazy year, when Lex’s psychosis had actually been a drug induced ploy by Lionel) aside, Clark has never been worried about Lex actually trying to kill him. Because how could Lex possibly learn anything new about Clark if Clark was dead?
Fortunately for Clark’s continued delusions of the privacy of his own home, after a few minutes the smell of breakfast and an empty stomach proved a stronger lure for Lex, or at least Lex contending with the needs of a child’s body, than the prospect of continuing to examine every last inch of the apartment. So, Lex abandoned his persual of the various item spread out across the coffee table, and sat down at the kitchen table, looking as imperious as he ever had. The effect was a bit ruined by the way his feet were kicking back and forth in the air though.
A few minutes more, and the food was finished. Clark divided it up into two large portions and one small one and set the plates on the table, the small one in front of Lex. Almost on cue, Conner emerged from his room, fully dressed for school and with his backpack strapped over one shoulder.
“Morning Dad, thanks for cooking breakfast.” And without further preamble, or even bothering to sit down, he began shoveling the food into his mouth at super-speed.
Clark was used to such displays, Conner was even more perpetually late than Clark had been at his age, and just calmly took his seat and ate at normal speeds. Lex, however, started watching Conner’s spectacle with the sort of disgusted fascination that usually was reserved for people eating live bugs on reality TV. Of course, since Conner was eating at super-speed that meant it was over in a few seconds, and shortly Lex was looking at a completely empty place while Conner was at the sink rinsing off his dish. A few more seconds, likely so he could process what he had just seen and Lex turned to Clark to ask, “You actually let him eat like that?”
Clark was about to explain that he’d rather have Conner eat at super-speed than skip breakfast, and most mornings it really did end up coming down to one or the other, but he was interrupted when Conner actually paused in this whirlwind of grabbing homework and various textbooks from around the room and seemed to notice for the first time the presence of someone else in the room. “Who’s that?”
“It’s Lex,” Clark answered. “Something happened and now he’s five again.”
Conner nodded. “Makes sense.” It probably said something, something not good, about their lives that it was more likely that their breakfast guest was Clark’s de-aged arch-nemesis than a normal five year old, albeit a bald one with blue eyes that were far to piercing for anyone without x-ray vision, but Clark was pretty used to it by now. “So what happened,” Conner asked, “magic spell?”
“We don’t know, but yeah, I think so. Zatanna is stopping by later to have a look,” said Clark.
“Cool,” Conner said, and then he was off again, stuffing things in his backpack at speeds that couldn’t possibly be good for them.
Clark looked over at Lex to apologize for basically talking about him like he wasn’t there, but Lex appeared not to have noticed, completely captivated by the way Conner’s things slowly disappeared from around the room. It occurred to Clark that, for all that Lex was aware of the existence of people with powers, and had been for a long time, and regualry interacted with a fair number of those people, he probably hadn’t ever seen them used in such a casual and mundane way. Plus Clark rather suspect the whole being five thing was affecting Lex mentally more than he wanted to admit.
“By the way,” Conner said, suddenly standing with his hand on the front door. “Robin texted and Batman has some stuff he needs him to do today.” There was only about a 30% chance that Lex hadn’t already figured out Bruce and Tim’s identities, but Clark appreciated Conner’s discretion. “So the team’s going to meet tomorrow instead.”
“Sounds good,” said Clark. “I’m going to be home all day, so I’ll see you when you get out of school.”
“Okay, bye, Dad. Love you. Bye, Other Dad.”
Clark was able to shout out a quick “love you too,” and then Conner was gone on his way to school.
Lex blinked a few times. “What just happened, and why the hell did your clone-son just call me Other Dad?”
*~*~*~*~*~*
Next part is here.