it's astounding, time is fleeting.......

Oct 25, 2016 22:40

i haven't been to the chiropractor in almost a month and i'm definitely feeling it. my neck and shoulder are killing me. i had the slightest it of relief earlier when i was stretching my neck and it cracked, but it didn't last long :( i hate this time of year, and one of the biggest reasons is because my neck winds up getting worse. the cold weather makes my muscles tense up even more and it's no good for a neck that is already tense.

Tristan's teacher pulled me aside today after school. she knew i was taking him and Chloe both to the doctor's tomorrow. she wants me to bring up some things with him. the fact that he is always so hyperactive, some of his sensory stuff, and the fact that he cannot seem to calm down/self regulate.

on one hand, i'm actually kind of......relieved(not sure if that's the right word or maybe it just sounds bad?) because i've been telling people for 2 years now that he is so hyperactive and can never sit still, so now at least his teacher is seeing it as well. but then on the other makes me kind of sad. not that there's "something wrong with my kid" or whatever. it makes me sad because i just know it's going to be really hard for Tristan. i know he's going to have a hard time making friends and whatnot. he just lashes out so much sometimes. thoughts are all jumbled so i apologize if i jump around here. i know his OT a while ago mentioned getting him an autism diagnosis, but i still don't feel like that's what Tristan has. trust me, i know there's something. but he doesn't have the characteristics of a child with autism. i REALLY think one of the major problems he has is ADHD. the self regulating/unable to calm himself, constantly hyper, constantly needing to move, needs to be told things MULTIPLE TIMES before he will listen/comprehend what i'm trying to tell him. i just feel like if he were to calm down a bit, that things would actually be a lot easier for everyone.

i feel bad saying it, but he does stress me out and cause my anxiety to get worse sometimes. because he is ALWAYS ON EDGE it seems and it puts me on edge. sometimes i feel like it's not on purpose, and other times i feel like he does things just because i say not to. i know most kids do that, but with's different. like an example would be as follows:

Tristan knows better than to run in the street. he knows it's dangerous. if we were going for a walk he would know to stay on the sidewalk. but if we were walking and i happen to see him veer close to the road i would say something like "let's stay on the sidewalk please, be careful not to go in the road." he would turn and look at me and then dart for the road. and the look he gives is "i know you said not to and i'm doing it anyway" followed by screaming and yelling and chasing him.

that scenario didn't actually happen, but it's an example. he knows he shouldn't go in the road but because i said something he immediately has to do exactly what i told him not to do. it's wild.

i just hope his doctor will listen and offer some kind of advice. i'm not sure what we would even be able to do at this point though. because he is already getting therapy as it is. i asked his teacher "so say i do get him evaluated and he gets some sort of diagnosis.....then what? what happens? he's already getting therapy what else would happen?" and she really didn't have an answer. the therapy he's getting doesn't help with the behavior he's showing.

it's just crazy to me because a year ago he was NOT like this. i mean.......a year ago he definitely was still hyper, actually maybe even moreso, but his attitude was not what it is now. he was not constantly cranky and agitated and so quick to snap on a dime. i don't understand what the heck happened to him. i mean, i know a lot of changes all happened very close to one another, but it's been almost 6 months since those changes started, he should be getting back to where he was at some point.

there are days....days where i see a glimpse of the old Tristan. i miss that Tristan. i sit in Chloe's room trying to get her to sleep and i think a lot about when Tristan was in that room and what a different child he was. so much happier back then, too.

don't get me wrong. he's not a completely miserable kid. and he's not always bad. but it happens more often than it should and more often than it did before. i couldn't imagine taking him to Disney now like we did last year. last year he still listened and understood consequences. this year he would be having meltdowns left and right if we went, i know it.

i hope his doctor has answers. he's gotta tell me SOMETHING, you know?

cold, neck, doctor, tristan, weather

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