(Untitled)

[waitforitdary]

This is new.

...

Bathing suit up!

Comments

[scarily]

Not likely.

[scarily]

Then you'd better stop talking.

[ willow's hungry, damn it, and your nonsense will not deter her from dragging your ass down the corridor. just need a nice screamproof room... ]

[waitforitdary]

Wait, wait, wait, Lily.

[He steps away.]

Look, don't tell anyone, ever that I'm about to actually turn down sex from a hot woman, but it would kill Marshall, and I can't do that. So go back to teaching kindergarten and boring marriage. I can't have him going back to how pathetic he was when you did that art thing.

[scarily]

[ annoyed, she turns sharply back to him. nice and vamped out. ]

Not Lily.

[waitforitdary]

Woah. Not hot either. What's with your face?

[scarily]

All the better to eat you with.

[ well it's not exactly crowded here. how would you like to get pinned against the wall, barney? that's for you. ]

[waitforitdary]

[This is not good. At all. Time for Barney to put his bullshitting to full use.]

You shouldn't eat me. I'm really, really... fatty, and I'm, uh, diseased, plus I'm married and my friend's a lawyer who'll sue the pants off you and oh god I'm too young and attractive to die.

[scarily]

[ willow hums as she loosens his tie and collar, and, true to fashion, licks his throat. ]

You're a little liar.

[waitforitdary]

Hey, hey, hey, there is nothing little about the Barnacle.

[That is confusingly erotic.]

[scarily]

[ congrats, barney. you just staved off death by a couple seconds. willow pulls briefly back and gives him an odd look. ]

"The Barnacle."

[demonologist]

[Wesley strides up, he's seen and heard enough to know exactly what's going down.

He taps Evil Willow on the shoulder and then thrusts his crucifix at her.]

Well, well. Look what the cat dragged in. I thought you were sent back to where you belonged.

[To Barney.]

Get behind me.

[waitforitdary]

[Barney doesn't need telling twice.]

You're the best wingman ever. In fact, I think saving my life from crazy Lily qualifies you for the time-honored title of bro.

I wonder if they've got laser tag here?

[scarily]

[ willow's not nearly so happy. cue snarling at the crucifix before focusing on the boy scout holding it. ]

And I thought you were physically incapable of growing facial hair. Surprises all around, huh, Wesley?

[demonologist]

I suggest you change your diet quickly or else you may find yourself on the pointy end of a stake.

[He glances back for a second to make sure Barney is a safe distance from the vampire. It's only his presence which is preventing him from engaging in combat with her right now.]

Her name is Willow, not Lily. Back away slowly, I'll follow.

[waitforitdary]

[Barney starts backing away, still babbling because that's what he does.]

Are you sure? She looks exactly like Lil-- does she moonlight as a stripper?

[Either that or Lily has two doppelgangers.]