read this for me please? It's an ad asking for models for this years uni project. Do pass it on if you think of anyone who might be interested
( Read more... )
"genger" should be gender "there meaning" should be "their meaning" "Transsexuality, transgendered other Trans issues are by no means always accepted or understood" doesn't read right to me. I THINK I know what you mean but not sure.
And since when were you a full time wheelchair? ;-)
It sounds like you are asking for people who can offer YOU somewhere to crash; I presume you mean for THEM to travel?
I wonder if This year I want to address the issue of those who consider themselves to be gender queer. is clear enough? From what you've talked about before, I think I understand that you want to examine and record aspects of queer sexuality in a photographic/visual form. But 'address the issue' sounds to me like taking some action, for instance writing to an MP about it, go to a meeting.
If I was reading this as a prospective participant, I'd need to know that your project involves (x, y and z), that you would like to focus on queer issues. So I think it would be easier to read that passage if there was more information about the type of project and the things you are looking for (maybe make a list like 'queer including but not restricted to"...). But perhaps a little less, at this stage, about the lack of understanding about gender fluidity. Save that, perhaps, for any notes you put with the project.
Hope this is clear. I like the sound of your project, but jumped in before having my coffee :P
I like the paragraph about willing volunteers. Lets the reader know you would like lots of people involved, they will not be paid, and you are interested in diversity.
Devil's Advocate question: does people in all kinds of genger identities and sexual orientations include straight, or are you really saying 'people with all kinds of [non-traditional/queer/whatever other term you might use in this context] identities and orientations?
Just for reference, I'm bringing this up for semantic clarity, not for emotional or political reasons.
Maybe in the passage about logistics, you could break it up into a couple of sentences. Something like:
'I live in Cambridge and would like to [work on this project locally/work from home/work from my local uni/whatever is appropriate]. Therefore, I'm particularly interested in [interviewing/photographing/working with] participants who live locally or who are willing & able to travel to Cambridge. For participants travelling a long distance, I may be able to offer a place to stay, or a small amount of cash to contribute to expenses.'
Comments 6
"there meaning" should be "their meaning"
"Transsexuality, transgendered other Trans issues are by no means always accepted or understood" doesn't read right to me. I THINK I know what you mean but not sure.
And since when were you a full time wheelchair? ;-)
It sounds like you are asking for people who can offer YOU somewhere to crash; I presume you mean for THEM to travel?
Reply
If I was reading this as a prospective participant, I'd need to know that your project involves (x, y and z), that you would like to focus on queer issues. So I think it would be easier to read that passage if there was more information about the type of project and the things you are looking for (maybe make a list like 'queer including but not restricted to"...). But perhaps a little less, at this stage, about the lack of understanding about gender fluidity. Save that, perhaps, for any notes you put with the project.
Hope this is clear. I like the sound of your project, but jumped in before having my coffee :P
Agree with previous
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Devil's Advocate question: does people in all kinds of genger identities and sexual orientations include straight, or are you really saying 'people with all kinds of [non-traditional/queer/whatever other term you might use in this context] identities and orientations?
Just for reference, I'm bringing this up for semantic clarity, not for emotional or political reasons.
Reply
'I live in Cambridge and would like to [work on this project locally/work from home/work from my local uni/whatever is appropriate]. Therefore, I'm particularly interested in [interviewing/photographing/working with] participants who live locally or who are willing & able to travel to Cambridge. For participants travelling a long distance, I may be able to offer a place to stay, or a small amount of cash to contribute to expenses.'
Does this say what you'd like to say?
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