Give Me A break.
The Tardis’ bathroom was not exactly meant for hygienic purposes. It was more of a place to relax. In fact all the bedrooms had the necessary commodities, so the Tardis’ bathroom was more like a Spa.
That’s how the Doctor liked it; a place to relax, to slow down; for him. But for his two impetuous passengers it was more a place of pleasure and fornication. Of course it wasn’t always easy to conciliate.
When it had just been Rose it wasn’t too hard. Though the young lady wasn’t exactly shy and could make herself a bit pushy, the Doctor was still able to cope. But since Jack had joined them and commandeered his ship, it was getting more frustrating. The Doctor was even beginning to catch himself reacting like the basic apes these humans were ascended from and getting all territorial. Whether it was over Jack’s control over the TARDIS or Rose he hadn’t yet decided.
All this meant that while relaxing breaks were more and more needed, they were now more and more difficult to manage.
Resisting Rose was a hard work in it self; the girl had tried every thing to seduce him and she was making him light-headed.
Jack was −you must recall− chaos storm; a calamity waiting to happen. Not only was he not lacking in charm - far from it, very far from it - but he was much more explicit in his approach and he could sometimes lack subtlety. Jack was playful with an easy nature and was very tricky to put off.
And as if that wasn’t enough; Jack had a very bad influence on Rose. Really, really bad.
For example, before Jack, Rose would never have had the incongruous idea of joining him in the big bathtub. But now she was shamelessly striping down teasingly in front of him, claiming some aches from their last escapade on Gamma Seven to get in the large tub and sit in front of him.
Okay. Rose he could handle. She would simper while playing with the water, but usually the worst she would come to would be a wandering soft foot rubbing against his inner thigh or a hand gently stroking his ankle. He had a very sensitive ankle but he also possessed a strong grip on his carnal response. Let’s just say that Rose had no clue of the torture she was putting him through.
Jack being Jack was more of a challenge.
Jack would arrive shamelessly naked, proudly preceded by his virility, wearing it like a banner.
“Oh, here you are!” he’d say, pretending to be surprised. “And both of you!”
“May I?” he‘d ask.
And as usual he didn’t wait for an answer before getting in and settling by Rose’s side. That way the Doctor was sandwiched between these two skilled, teasing demons. Of course the Doctor could have declared forfeit and left, running out with his tail between his legs.
Except Rose wasn’t the only one the devilish Captain had a bad influence on. Some stupid pride meant the Doctor needed to take on almost any challenge Jack put him through, especially in front of Rose.
The Doctor couldn’t understand why Rose was so fond of the annoying Captain, other than the fact he was always ready for sex, had a devastating smile, and also had a naked foot currently playing with his balls. Hang on. How did it get there?
“Jack… I think you’ve misplaced something…”
“Oh sorry Doc.”
Of course as the mischievous Captain withdrew his foot he took the opportunity to stroke the Doctor’s shaft.
“Oups!” the naughty guy said with a chirpy grin.
Jack’s virtuosity in the Intrusion Art had Rose giggling with enthusiasm - don’t ever try to understand women, especially human ones - relaxation was no longer to be expected here. Do you really think even a Time Lord could relax caught between Etna and Vesuvius?
The Doctor wasn’t a saint with a martyr vocation. After all, there was no shame about refusing a fight when you knew the opposition not only outnumbered you, but was also ready to break all the rules of war.
“I think I’m going to finish that book in my shower,” he said, and he left the room for a quieter place.