finding me

[neugotik]

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[thaadd]

Glad you are doing good.

Being yourself is important.

[neugotik]

yes - I think for years I lost myself entirely. Well, not quite: I was myself with the kids : no pretense, just me, and that was my happiest times - and for everyone else: ex-husband, his friends, work, etc I was whatever they wanted/expected me to be, not who I am.

[davidschroth]

Congratulations.

Learning to like one's self is a lesson many never learn...

(so sayeth the voice of experience).

thanks

[neugotik]

yes - and like or not like, putting boundaries where they belong, it's really hard for me to ever put myself before others - and I definately see (& hopefully do) act to help others often before helping myself : however letting someone put me down or out or demand things of me, to the point where I didn't know myself anymore is something I am finally healing from - if that makes sense. Finally I am finding & rebuilding myself from the inside out

I love that episode of Simpsons where Marge tells Lisa to smile, even if she doesn't feel like smiling - and then when she drops her off at school & sees the other kids using Lisa and her smile stays despite being walked on by the other kids in the scene,Marge jumps out of the car & tells Lisa "i was wrong you go ahead and smile when you feel like it and don't smile when you don't" - and it means so much more in that little skit then just putting on a happy face: it's about being yourself despite pressures from others to be something else they want.

Bears repeating:

[ktig]

"My windows are open & full of sunlight - I don't have to shutter them up for someone else"

yeh, that was weird.

[neugotik]

yeah, it's pretty amazing but we got into fights all the time over that- he always wanted all the windows shuttered if we were leaving or if it was night - worse though - was if I left 1st, he expected me to close them then, as he would leave later & didn't want to be bothered w/closing them, but wanted them closed: that's when I got into the biggest trouble: if I left them open when I wasn't home but he was. It made me so frustrated that he would not close them himself, yet yelled at me about leaving them open if they ever were open - gah. Looking back on that it seems so very warped now.

[neugotik]

yeh.