Comments | neoyi: Danny Phantom #54

neoyi

Danny Phantom #54 - Back to Business

Jun 21, 2007 17:48

Thus the start of my DP Season 4-ness, written in some sorta fanfic/script-ish format. I am not an expert writer, so expect some bad grammar or misspelled typos (although for the latter, I can only hope I manage to get rid of them all). Posting this all on my lj because I don't wanna crowd my DA. Next update is...whenever I feel like it. God only ( Read more... )

Comments 17

ytak June 22 2007, 03:34:04 UTC

Not bad. Not bad at all. Even with the partial script format, it was still a lot better than a good chunk of the DP fics on FF.net.
There was one section that I was little confused on but I can't find it now! Yargh!
The thing I am most pleased with is the characterizations. I think you hit some of them dead on. I think you did a good job making Danny seem older and a bit more mature. Though, I can't help but wonder if you are setting him up for a fall. He does seem awfully confident.

neoyi June 23 2007, 00:55:17 UTC

"There was one section that I was little confused on but I can't find it now! Yargh!"

If you ever find it, tell me and I'll do my best to explain.

"Though, I can't help but wonder if you are setting him up for a fall. He does seem awfully confident."

*grins* He does, doesn't he? I suggest you keep a close attention to Danny's personality throughout. He's gonna go through some serious changes.

anonymous June 22 2007, 03:42:04 UTC

Pretty good. I didn't expect Vlad to die in the beginning, and I didn't mind the new ghost. Would like to see more.

- Nikil

neoyi June 23 2007, 00:55:47 UTC

How do you know he's dead? *grins*

darklordkeisha June 22 2007, 13:18:28 UTC

Nice! Good work on the characterization.

weighed on him hand and foot,

I think you mean waited.

Tucker: Yeah, don’t wanna piss off the government, right? They probably have files going back as far as the time you accidentally peeked under that girl’s dress in 2nd grade.
Danny: TUCKER.
Agent K: No, we don’t have that info…*jots it down*...until now. Shall we go?

*snortgiggles* That feels like straight out of the show.

This is really cool. I like Danny's new maturity, and how you handled his relationship with Jazz. Skulker was hysterical too. (And Ember broke up with him! Yaaaay) And I have to say in regards to the beginning is...VLAAAAAAD!! *cuddles him* My poor baby.

neoyi June 23 2007, 00:57:33 UTC

"I think you mean waited."

When I get off lazy mode, I'll fix this.

"*snortgiggles* That feels like straight out of the show."

I had hope so with that line. I tried to get the humor of the show, though unlike DP, I don't wanna shove humor in unnecessary places.

"Skulker was hysterical too. (And Ember broke up with him! Yaaaay)"

That pairing was so random and I disliked it. Skulker/Ember pairing canon does not exist in Neo Yi Season 4.

"And I have to say in regards to the beginning is...VLAAAAAAD!! *cuddles him* My poor baby."

He's gonna go through a hell of a lot worse...

anonymous June 22 2007, 22:44:17 UTC

Hey, I like your story, also I wanted to tell you that the Operative K is the dark-skinned one and the Operative O is the white-skinned one.

neoyi June 23 2007, 00:57:57 UTC

Thanks. I figured the dark one was K, but I didn't know for sure. Thanks for the clear up.

(The comment has been removed)

neoyi June 23 2007, 01:00:52 UTC

"I like mature Danny, but -and maybe it's just me- he feels a bit hollow."

Can you emphasize what you mean by that? Are you saying he's too confident and sure of himself? It's good you are paying attention to Danny's personality, trust me, his first Season 4 episode is key to remember for what Danny will go through by the end of Season 4...

"I really liked this, and you are making me wish the canon had gone with the two year duration of the series (Danny being 14 at the beginning and 16 at the end) instead of less than a year (Danny being 14 from beginning to end)."

Granted, they don't change physically at all (if not to relieve the animators), but I have created a timeline for DP that can theoratically work so that the entire series spans two years (baring one major plothole). I'm following my own timeline when I created the date for "Back to Business."

(The comment has been removed)

neoyi June 25 2007, 14:29:14 UTC

"I meant hollow as in emotionless. Not that he isn't showing emotion and feelings at all, but it's almost like he doesn't pause to consider things with the heart, and he is thinking more with his brain. I also meant that he doesn't seem to be passionate like he sometimes was in the cartoon, but now that I'm thinking about it, it must be because he's tired from so much traveling."

Jet lags is one thing, the other is the level of confidence he holds in himself. A bit of ego, just more humble about it. He knows he's gonna keep leading a busy life, but he feels he can do anything and is why he's currently acting the way he does...

"And about what you said about being confident and sure of himself, yes, he does seem to think he is invincible, or something, and acts like he can handle anything. I foresee traumatic experiences in the future."...For now. Like I said, I advise you keep reading. He's not gonna keep this confidence for too long. The basic concept is at the beginning of Season 4 Danny is this almost too perfect hero, nothing ( ... )